Elton, Ben Filmography

• Michael Grade & the World's Oldest Joke
  2013, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Love Never Dies
  2012, role: writer
• Channel 4's 30 Greatest Comedy Shows
  2012, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Ben Elton: Laughing at the 80s
  2011, role: actor , character name: Himself - Presenter
• The Brits Hits 30
  2010, role: actor , character name: Himself
• The One Ronnie
  2010, role: writer
• TV's Believe It or Not
  2008, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Blackadder Exclusive: The Whole Rotten Saga
  2008, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Blackadder Rides Again
  2008, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Blackadder's Most Cunning Moments
  2008, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Happy Birthday Brucie!
  2008, role: actor , character name: Himself
• 50 Greatest Comedy Catchphrases
  2008, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Saturday Live Again!
  2007, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Hitler: The Comedy Years
  2007, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Get a Grip
  2007, role: writer
• Get a Grip
  2007, role: actor , character name: Himself - Presenter
• Channel 4 at 25
  2007, role: actor , character name: Himself
• 100 Greatest Stand-Ups
  2007, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Stephen Fry: 50 Not Out
  2007, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Is Benny Hill Still Funny?
  2006, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Who Killed the Sitcom?
  2006, role: actor , character name: Himself
• University Challenge: The Story So Far
  2006, role: actor , character name: Kendal Mintcake
• The Ultimate Sitcom
  2006, role: actor , character name: Himself
• The Prince's Trust 30th Birthday: Live
  2006, role: actor , character name: Himself - Host
• The Unseen Spike Milligan
  2005, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Greatest Before They Were Stars TV Moments
  2005, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Who Killed Saturday Night TV?
  2004, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Ronnie Barker: A BAFTA Tribute
  2004, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Brit Awards 2003
  2003, role: actor , character name: Himself - Presenter
• Party in the Park 2002
  2002, role: actor , character name: Himself
• There's Only One Paul McCartney
  2002, role: actor , character name: Himself
• I Love Morecambe & Wise
  2002, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Party at the Palace: The Queen's Concerts, Buckingham Palace
  2002, role: actor , character name: Himself - Host
• A Perfect Two Ronnies Show
  2001, role: actor
• Maybe Baby
  2000, role: director
• The Royal Variety Performance 2000
  2000, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Full Mountie
  2000, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Maybe Baby
  2000, role: writer
• Maybe Baby
  2000, role: writer
• Comic Relief: The Record Breaker
  1999, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Blackadder Back & Forth
  1999, role: writer
• Blackadder Back & Forth
  1999, role: writer
• Laughter in the House: The Story of British Sitcom
  1999, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Brit Awards 1998
  1998, role: actor , character name: Himself - Host
• Norman Ormal: A Very Political Turtle
  1998, role: actor , character name: Jack Student
• All Saints: The Video
  1998, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Ben Elton Live
  1997, role: actor , character name: Himself
• The Best Bits of Mr. Bean
  1997, role: writer
• Spice Girls: One Hour of Girl Power
  1997, role: actor , character name: Brit Awards Host
• The Story of Bean
  1997, role: actor , character name: Himself

Famous quotes by Ben Elton:

"Even if it sounds pretentious, which it isn't-I've found it artistically challenging to produce a monologue that is filled with laughter and ideas. It's a tough thing to pull off, but satire is better if it has conviction behind it."

"I try hard not to preach, but I get carried away, which is a mistake, but it's a risk worth running."

"Most of my work isn't directly autobiographical. It tends to be an amalgam of things I've seen and heard and thought and conversations I've had."

"We've all got to look at ourselves, start with yourself, that's all you can do. I believe that we can act responsibly as a group, it's just that there are vested interests telling us not to bother."

"Most of my stand-up comedy is about being a small, scared, neurotic individual among the billions of other small, scared, neurotic individuals that make up the mass which is us. I always think the first target of a stand-up comic should be themselves-we all share our weaknesses, and it's fun to use them as a source of comedy."

"My advice to anyone adapting a novel is that once they've read it and learnt to understand it, then they must throw it away and never look at it again!"

"Sympathy for victims is always counter-balanced by an equal and opposite feeling of resentment towards them."

"People who get through life dependent on other people's possessions are always the first to lecture you on how little possessions count."

"No collection of people who are all waiting for the same thing are capable of holding a natural conversation. Even if the thing they are waiting for is only a taxi."

"If only the strength of the love that people feel when it is reciprocated could be as intense and obsessive as the love we feel when it is not; then marriages would be truly made in heaven."

"The earth only has so much bounty to offer and inventing ever larger and more notional prices for that bounty does not change its real value."

"Yes, OK, farty is a silly word. I wish I'd never used it. I'm 34. Perhaps it was a word for my 20s."

"I'm easy to work with, not a pushover, but I respond to criticism and find it inspiring."

• Lyrics: play full screen play karaoke
• Bin Laden - Three 6 Mafia
• Bin Laden - Immortal Technique

Mane check this shit out we was up in Chicago right
With my nigga big hamp, you know what I' saying?
The nigga pass me a blunt
Like smoke this shit nigga this some bin laden weed
Y'all don't know nothing bout this shit down south
What the fuck is bin laden weed its three different
Kinds of weed all grown together that shit some straight killer
Them Chicago niggaz named that shit bin laden mane some straight fie
Who got that hydro
Who got that light green
Who got that Bobby brown
Who got that laden weed
I swear sometimes I got to get high to hang around my hoe
Sometimes I feel like I got to get high to hang round niggaz I know
I sped it up on weed I slowed it down on snow
Cause I seen somany niggaz fall off that blow
One day they got it all and aint got shit to show
So I came to my natures I had to cut that hoe
So know I'm feeling happy I'm on that binny bin laden
And niggaz is acting like they don't know what the fuck just happened
My vision getting blurry I'm about to fall asleep
Or am I dying I need to eat cause this some poutin weed
My life start flashing like holograms like right in front
Of my own face I never felt this way on one blunt
I see my son gaining life and my dad losing his
And old girlfriends and niggaz I shouldn't hung with
The picture starting to fade its getting hard to breath
I'm blacking out with no post up under my shirt and sleeve
Well since I'm on bin laden let me tell you a story
Bout these three pussy rappers who couldn't do nothing for me
Gave a whole lot of cheese said I fucked him his shit
Smoked a whole lot of weed so he seem to forget
Who bought trunks and you cars gave you bitches and hoes
Who told you ass to take a bath when you thought you was raw
Mane I tell you he a killer when we talk on the phone
When you see him face to face he'll leave you alone
That's why I'm smoking on this fucking bin laden
All my niggaz in the hood they got it
Take one little puff you a addict
Take a gun to the head means tragic
Boy I tell you like this we can smoke it anywhere
In front of police station with a six pack of beer
Seven a.m. in the morning just watching people stare
Let 'em point them damn fingers say they wild over there
Ey ey its glowing like its indigo I smell it through the bag
I'm floating like a magic carpet straight from bagdad
From my brains from my blood from my lungs from the dutches
Cant just let this reefer just escape from my a conscious
Cause its the substance I'm loving I'm buzzing
Smoking like a narven huffing and puffing
Came from the Indonesia, Colombian or kaliman
Or its by the welfare straight from the taliban
Do you remember me from smoking good weed
Break it down roll it up give it the indo need
Do you remember me from no sticks no seeds
Or you remember me from putting you on this laden weed
Get yo funds together and come go and see
I'm gone take you on the strip where bin laden be
This one blunt action you'll have to smoke and see

[Mos Def - talking]
Man, you hear this bullshit they be talkin'
Every day, man
It's like these motherfuckers is just like professional liars
YouknowwhatI'msayin? It's wild
Listen
[Hook - Mos Def]
Bin Laden didn't blow up the projects
It was you, nigga
Tell the truth, nigga
(Bush knocked down the towers)--[Jadakiss]
Tell the truth, nigga
(Bush knocked down the towers)--[Jadakiss]
Tell the truth, nigga
Bin Laden didn't blow up the projects
It was you, nigga
Tell the truth, nigga
(Bush knocked down the towers)--[Jadakiss]
Tell the truth, nigga
(Bush knocked down the towers)--[Jadakiss]
[Verse 1 - Immortal Technique]
I pledge no allegiance, nigga fuck the president's speeches
I'm baptized by America and covered in leeches
The dirty water that bleaches your soul and your facial features
Drownin' you in propaganda that they spit through the speakers
And if you speak about the evil that the government does
The Patriot Act'll track you to the type of your blood
They try to frame you, and say you was tryna sell drugs
And throw a federal indictment on niggaz to show you love
This shit is run by fake Christians, fake politicians
Look at they mansions, then look at the conditions you live in
All they talk about is terrorism on television
They tell you to listen, but they don't really tell you they mission
They funded Al-Qaeda, and now they blame the Muslim religion
Even though Bin Laden, was a CIA tactician
They gave him billions of dollars, and they funded his purpose
Fahrenheit 9/11, that's just scratchin' the surface
[Hook - Mos Def]
Bin Laden didn't blow up the projects
It was you, nigga
Tell the truth, nigga
(Bush knocked down the towers)--[Jadakiss]
Tell the truth, nigga
(Bush knocked down the towers)--[Jadakiss]
Tell the truth, nigga
Bin Laden didn't blow up the projects
It was you, nigga
Tell the truth, nigga
(Bush knocked down the towers)--[Jadakiss]
Tell the truth, nigga
(Bush knocked down the towers)--[Jadakiss]
[Verse 2 - Immortal Technique]
They say the rebels in Iraq still fight for Saddam
But that's bullshit, I'll show you why it's totally wrong
Cuz if another country invaded the hood tonight
It'd be warfare through Harlem, and Washington Heights
I wouldn't be fightin' for Bush or White America's dream
I'd be fightin' for my people's survival and self-esteem
I wouldn't fight for racist churches from the south, my nigga
I'd be fightin' to keep the occupation out, my nigga
You ever clock someone who talk shit, or look at you wrong?
Imagine if they shot at you, and was rapin' your moms
And of course Saddam Hussein had chemical weapons
We sold him that shit, after Ronald Reagan's election
Mercenary contractors fightin' a new era
Corporate military bankin' off the war on terror
They controllin' the ghetto, with the failed attack
Tryna distract the fact that they engineerin' the crack
So I'm strapped like Lee Malvo holdin' a sniper rifle
These bullets'll touch your kids, and I don't mean like Michael
Your body be sent to the morgue, stripped down and recycled
I fire on house niggaz that support you and like you
Cuz innocent people get murdered in the struggle daily
And poor people never get shit and struggle daily
This ain't no alien conspiracy theory, this shit is real
Written on the dollar underneath the Masonic seal
(I don't rap for dead presidents
I'd rather see the president dead
It's never been said but I set precedents)--[Eminem]
[Hook - Mos Def]
Bin Laden didn't blow up the projects
It was you, nigga
Tell the truth, nigga
(Bush knocked down the towers)--[Jadakiss]
Tell the truth, nigga
(Bush knocked down the towers)--[Jadakiss]
Tell the truth, nigga
Bin Laden didn't blow up the projects
It was you, nigga
Tell the truth, nigga
(Bush knocked down the towers)--[Jadakiss]
Tell the truth, nigga
(Bush knocked down the towers)--[Jadakiss]
(Shady Records was 80 seconds away from the towers
Some cowards fucked with the wrong building, they meant to hit ours)-- [Eminem]