Sabotage (2014)

Actors

• Carlos Ayala (actor)
• Rus Blackwell (actor)
• Anthony Boco (actor)
• Hakim Callender (actor)
• Maurice Compte (actor)
• Kendrick Cross (actor)
• Mike Davidson (actor)
• Martin Donovan (actor)
• Anthony L. Fernandez (actor)
• Andrew Fincher (actor)
• Alan C. Gilmer (actor)
• Jeff Matthew Glover (actor)
• Gary Grubbs (actor)
• Josh Holloway (actor)
• David Alessi (actor)

Genres

• Action
• Crime
• Drama
• Thriller

Taglines:

Leave no loose ends

Boot the Pigeon (2013)

Actors

• Rocco Biscaglio Jr. (actor)
• Will Burkart (actor)
• Jack Carmichael (actor)
• Barry Cooperman (actor)
• Scott Danielson (actor)
• Joseph Di Iorio (actor)
• Jeremiah Enright (actor)
• Patrick Fairchild (actor)
• Eric M. Feltes (actor)
• Mark V. Gutierrez (actor)
• Timothy M. Howe (actor)
• Laurel Kaish (actor)
• Kyle Koski (actor)
• Mitch LeStrange (actor)
• Gregory Baker (actor)

Genres

• Comedy

A Four Letter Word (2007)

Actors

• Emanuele Ancorini (actor)
• Jesse Archer (actor)
• Patrick Askin (actor)
• Jonathan Baird (actor)
• Michael Bamford (actor)
• Wayne Chang (actor)
• Charlie David (actor)
• Steve Deitsch (actor)
• Dixie (actor)
• Edison Farrow (actor)
• Michael Ferreira (actor)
• Alejandro Garvito (actor)
• Jeremy Gender (actor)
• Ames Gigounas (actor)
• Alexander (actor)

Genres

• Comedy
• Romance

Taglines:

Romance is so Profane!
Romance is so dirty.

Quotes:

Mace: I just want to be able to unhinge my jaw like an Anaconda.

Trisha: In love with you? Oh, Marilyn, I just wanted to bump your doughnut.

White Men Can't Rap (2005)

Actors

• Blitzkrieg (actor)
• M.C. Breeze (actor)
• Correll Buckhalter (actor)
• Keith Bullard (actor)
• Thomas Cook (actor)
• Donovan Hagins (actor)
• Jared 'Evil' Hasselhoff (actor)
• Albert Henry (actor)
• Infanit (actor)
• John Lumia (actor)
• Chris Mann (actor)
• Christopher Mann (actor)
• Jason A. McCauley (actor)
• Jason A. McCauley (actor)
• Sean P. Anderson (actor)

Genres

• Comedy
• Crime
• Mystery

Fresh Air (1999)

Actors

• Tony Barry (actor)
• Russell Kiefel (actor)
• Simon Lyndon (actor)
• Marin Mimica (actor)
• Tai Nguyen (actor)
• David Phu An Chiem (actor)
• Amanda Bishop (actress)
• Bridie Carter (actress)
• Su Cruickshank (actress)
• Janet Foye (actress)
• Nadine Garner (actress)
• Julie Hamilton (actress)
• Lois Ramsey (actress)
• Rosemary Blight (producer)
• Kylie Du Fresne (producer)

Genres

• Comedy
• Drama

Trapped in Paradise (1994)

Actors

• George 'Aggie' Anest (actor)
• Nicky 'Pops' Anest (actor)
• John Ashton (actor)
• Bernard Behrens (actor)
• Frank Berardino (actor)
• John Bergantine (actor)
• Frank Blanch (actor)
• Nicolas Cage (actor)
• Dana Carvey (actor)
• Al Cerullo (actor)
• Bill Currie (actor)
• John Dawe (actor)
• Kirk Dunn (actor)
• Greg Ellwand (actor)
• Jonathan Allore (actor)

Genres

• Adventure
• Comedy
• Crime
• Romance

Taglines:

The story of a town that gave so much... Even these guys couldn't take anymore.
The Firpo Brothers can get away with anything. They just can't get away!
Small town... Big trouble!

Quotes:

Alvin Firpo: I'd like to say my 'preciation for your hospitableness.

Ma Firpo: You guys are dumber than a box of hair.

Bill Firpo: In the Firpo family, the man with half a brain is king.

Bill Firpo: I've got a feeling you're not telling me something.::Dave Firpo: Well this feeling you're getting is paranoia.::Alvin Firpo: Hey, let's just go.

Ed Dawson: Will you stop hovering over like bad news?::Clovis Minor: What do you want me to do?::Ed Dawson: Bag this stuff.::Clovis Minor: All of it?::Ed Dawson: No. Just what you haven't become emotionally attached to.

Shaddus Peyser: What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?

Hattie Anderson: Do you really want to do this?::Bill Firpo: Do what?::Hattie Anderson: You know rob the bank::Dave Firpo: Absolutely! We have thought this over and we've made a decision!::Hattie Anderson: But on Christmas Eve, it just doesn't seem right. You're going to ruin the winter fest.::Bill Firpo: The winter fest? I've got a gun and your talking about the winter fest. Well who are you?

Shopkeeper: Policia! Policia!

Vic Mazzucci: I won't throw her [Dave's ma] out the window as long as you do the right thing.::Dave Firpo: All right, all right love ya too.::Vic Mazzucci: [hangs up phone] [replies to ceasers question] He said he loves me...

Shaddus Peyser: Put an APB out on that car.::Chief Burnell: Oh well I've already done that.::Shaddus Peyser: Good. We'll be able to track them down especially if they're heading north.::Bill Firpo: [next scene with Alvin driving] Alvin, which way are we headed?::Alvin Firpo: North.

Casualties of Peace (1982)

Actors

• Ken Blackburn (actor)
• Ray Carroll (actor)
• Gilbert Goldie (actor)
• Michael Hurst (actor)
• Tom Poata (actor)
• Peter Vere-Jones (actor)
• Ken Wilson (actor)
• Judie Douglass (actress)
• Fiona Samuel (actress)
• Joanne Simpson (actress)
• Iain Hill (producer)
• Ross Jennings (producer)
• Judy Callingham (writer)
• Mike Smith (director)
• Phil Ridgway (editor)

Genres

• Drama

Way for a Sailor (1930)

Actors

• Robert Adair (actor)
• Wallace Beery (actor)
• Herbert Evans (actor)
• John George (actor)
• John Gilbert (actor)
• Sôjin Kamiyama (actor)
• Ray Milland (actor)
• Pat Moriarity (actor)
• Desmond Roberts (actor)
• Jim Tully (actor)
• Leo White (actor)
• Harry Wilson (actor)
• Alice Belcher (actress)
• Daisy Belmore (actress)
• Leila Hyams (actress)

Genres

• Drama
• Romance

Quotes:

Jack: You know, this is the nicest time I've had with a girl.::Joan: Maybe you've never had any girls worth knowing.::Jack: You're insulting a lot of women!

Joan: Did you ever have a mother and father, or did the Merchant Marine find you in a crow's nest?::Jack: Why, sure. Everybody has a mother and father, I guess.

Tripod Filmography

• Trapped in Paradise
  1994, role: actor , character name: Tripod

• Lyrics: play full screen play karaoke
• Forgive Me Father - Tripod
• Everyone's A Tosser - Tripod
• Science Facts Are Useful (live) - Tripod
• Hot Girl In The Comic Shop - Tripod
• It's Okay - Tripod
• Bugger Off! - Tripod
• Ivory - Tripod
• Heart Of A Fighter - Tripod
• Keep Your Receipts - Tripod
• The Gods Are People Too - Tripod
• Ugly Men With Beautiful Women - Tripod
• Taking The Life - Tripod
• On Paper - Tripod
• The Hot Dog Man - Tripod
• If I Had A Tattoo - Tripod
• Frankel's Lament - Tripod
• Kempt - Tripod
• In The Countryside - Tripod
• Stalker Song - Tripod
• Climate Change - Tripod
• That's Why I'm Sending You - Tripod
• My Humanity - Tripod
• Fabian - Tripod
• Don't Feel Bad - Tripod
• XMas Song - Tripod
• Rock Eisteddfod - Tripod
• Gelatinous Love - Tripod
• I Will Still Play - Tripod
• Tripod - Tripod
• Maryanne - Tripod
• The Smell Of Adventure - Tripod
• Krap Karate - Tripod
• Cuckold - Tripod
• Let's Take A Walk - Tripod
• Boobs - Tripod
• Someday The Lord - Tripod

Forgive me father for I have sinned
Forgive me father for I have sinned
I think I might actually quite like
Shannon Noll's new song
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
I've been having impure thoughts
I've been having impure thoughts
My mind is going around and round
With Shannon Noll's new song
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
What will they think of me in Fitzroy?
No, no, no
No, no, no
We recently did this song in Adelaide and, um, normally you'd try and localise a joke like that, you know, find a suburb that's equivalently cool...
My son, I've listened to many sins
My son, I've listened to many sins
But never have I come face to face with...
Pure evil!
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
Your penance shall be
Lou Reed's...
Transformer
Ten listens
And also David Bowie...
Late 70's,
Berlin years
My laptop is back in the rectory
I've got some bootlegs from Glastonbury
I will burn you a new CD

SCOD
Everyone's a tosser
Everyone's a fool
Don't ever feel like you don't fit
'Cause Gatesy, everyone's a tool
The louder that you say you're not
The more that it's the case
SCOD AND YON
Just like everybody else...
SCOD
... you're a real knob-face
GATESY
(Spoken) I'm a knob-face!
SCOD
Take our little Yonny
He's a total mong
If you think that I look interesting
I'm sorry, you'd be wrong
GATESY
What about old Scoddy?
You could write a book on him!
SCOD
You could call it "Knobby the Knobstickle"
GATESY
"And His Knobtastic Voyage"!
Everybody's a tosser
Everyone's a schmo
From Robert Louis Stevenson
To Edgar Allen Poe
We're all bloody cockpanks!
The experts all agree
SCOD
The experts, they're all tossers too
GATESY
Just like you and me
(To audience member) Madam, you're a knob-end
It's there for all to see
Don't try to deny it
Do you think you're better than me?
The louder that you say you're not
The louder that you are
GATESY
You're a bonehead!
You're a franger!
SCOD
You're a spazmo!
GATESY
You're a shwanger!
You're a tosser! It's a fact you can't ignore
GATESY
'Cause everyone's a tosser!
YON AND SCOD

Well it doesn't take a genius to realise
Being good at school
Can be cool
Put on your lab coats
Boffins rule
(Nerd): I-I'd actually r-rather y-you don't u-use
The t-term boffins b-because i-if anything it means
having sex
Well there's nothing wrong with putting on your
thinking cap
Though your social skills
May be crap
You can impress with ease
Cool facts
(Nerd): That Playstation you're playing at? Science
made that.
That ghetto deck you're rapping off beats to? Science
made that too.
Without science we wouldn't have cheap bathtub biker
speed
Oh, science facts are useful
That's why they teach 'em to ya
You're teachers wouldn't screw ya
Don't be a fool
The science school is cool
Well you may not see a scientist in rock and roll
But they understand
The mineral properties of rock
As well as the physics of roll
"Oh help Mr. Scientist I burnt my handbone on a boiling
water"
"How do you know it was boiling? Was it bubbling?"
"Er..no"
"Then it wasn't really boiling"
"I feel better already"
"GO SCIENCE!"
Help, help, I lost my ball bearing down the drain
Then get a magnet man
But it's a really deep drain
Then you'll need a really long magnet
"GO SCIENCE"
Oh, science facts are useful
That's why they teach 'em to ya
You're teachers wouldn't screw ya
Don't be a fool
The science school is cool
Oh help Mr Scientist I need you again, how does a hot
air balloon rise?
Because it's a HOT-AIR balloon
How do I deal with girls, and not feel awkward?
(long silence)
Did you know that the atomic structure of butter is not
dissimilar to...
But.. but I was asking about
Margarine on the other hand
BREAK IT DOWN!
Oh, science facts are useful x4
(meanwhile Gatesy is talking in background)
Gatesy: Ok, rock and roll moment everyone!
Hold your lighters in the air!
But be careful because butane even when contained
In very small amounts is an extremely volatile gas
(oh science facts are useful)
Thanks to Isaac Newton we can crowd-surf!
(that's why they teach 'em to ya)
The bikini top is a great invention!
Your teachers wouldn't screw ya
Don't be a fool

There was a hot girl in the comic shop
And I didn't know what to do
There was a hot girl in the comic shop
She was looking at Doctor Who.
There was an actual girl in the comic shop
What a momentous day
I had to check to make sure that she wasn't just,
A human sized cardboard display
My competition was a kid with pimples and a guy in a wheelchair
And so I knew I had to act fast
There was a hot girl in the comic shop
where I've never seen a girl before
A kind of Indy looking girl in the comic shop
And she knew her way around the store
Oh my Lord she's moving towards the role playing games
Oh my God she's picking out dice
So many questions in my mind
What would be a good pick up line
Why had a hot girl just come in
If the Hulk fought Spiderman, who would win?
I guess that Spiderman's advantage would be his webs
And his manual dexterity
But then again the Hulk's endurance is limitless
And he' stronger then spidey would be.
He's got the healing factor
And the proportional strength
But there's the schizophrenia
But there's the photography skills
It's so hard to know!
Hot girl!
Hot girl!
There was a hot girl in the comic shop
about ten minutes ago
There was a hot girl in the comic shop
Did anyone see her go?
Had she come to the comic shop
Looking for love?

It's not as easy as it looks to do what we do
To be a hero and a role model to every young Australian.
To have the hopes and dreams of millions on our shoulders
To be the shining paragon of Western cultural achievement
I know it's hard to believe
Scod: It's actually us in the flesh and blood
But don't be overwhelmed, 'cause...
It's okay
You don't have to be scared
Come right up and touch us
It's okay
Please don't actually touch us
That was just an example
To demonstrate that we're human too
It's okay
(Ooh, don't you know it's okay?)
You don't have to be...
(You don't have to be scared.)
So as you leave this show tonight, think of your aura.
Will you buy a t-shirt?
Or a - CD?
Or a- video?
Or a - poster?
(Or a...)
Cherish your dreams
And like a flower, they will blossom
But don't tell anyone your dreams 'cause they sort of tend to trail off and be boring.
(Ladies and gentlemen, all the way from the place where impersonations... near enough is good enough... Shaggy! )
(It's okay.)
[Yon, as Shaggy] When I was a child
I dreamed of doing this
Well, not exactly this
But something similar
(It's okay.)
[Yon, as Shaggy] I'd try the Jazz Ballet
And calisthenics
And watch the videos
Of Annie Lennox
And so you ask me now
Why am I saying this?
I cannot tell you though
It is a secret.
Come right up and touch us
It's okay
Stay there, we'll bring it over
Close your eyes and put your hand out
To demonstrate that we're human like you and me...

Yon: Dah-ba-dah, dah-ba-dah, dah-dah, dah-ba-dah, dah.
This is fun,
Let's do this again next week,
I think we should.
Just had one,
Well, they told me that this gear was really good.
Gatesy: Now I know we've been buddies,
For four hundred years.
Through good and through cruddy,
And part-time careers.
Scod: But recently I'm thinking,
Tripod: Indecently I'm thinking.
Yon: I think you...
Gatesy and Scod: I think you...
Tripod:... know what I'm thinking,
How's about it, you and me?
Yon: Yeah?
Aww.
Well,
Tripod: Bugger off.
I will love you to the end,
So bugger off.
Yes, I know that we're good friends,
But bugger off.
No, I'm not having a lend,
Just bugger off.
I am out, so I'm taking my bat home now.
Scod: Now you know,
Yon and Gatesy: You know...
Scod: And you don't agree that we should do the do.
Yon and Gatesy: Do the do, do the do, do the do...
Scod: Prob'ly right,
Yon and Gatesy: You know...
Scod: It would stuff us up as friends, I think so too.
Yon and Gatesy: But then again you never know...
Scod: Then again, you never know,
Yon and Gatesy: Oooh...
Scod: If you don't give it a go.
Yon and Gatesy: Oooh...
Scod: If you spend your whole life choosing,
Yon and Gatesy: Oooh...
Scod: In the end it's you who's losing.
And what if you succeed and find,
Yon and Gatesy: What if you succeed...
Scod: The perfect one you had in mind?
Yon and Gatesy: The perfect one you need...
Scod: Things are never what you hope they'll be.
Yon and Gatesy: Never hoped they'll...
Tripod: It's true, just ask me.
Bugger off.
I will love you to the end,
So bugger off.
Yes, I know that we're good friends,
But bugger off.
No, I'm not having a lend,
Just bugger off.
I am out, so I'm taking my bat home now.
Yon and Gatesy: Ahh...
Scod: I've got washing to do, and programs to watch.
Tripod: Na na na... (a'capella string quartet style vocals)

I was made in darkest night
Of chalky ash and children's fright
I do not think you know what you behold
I was made of aching hurt
Of fairy tales and bloody dirt
I hope you do exactly as you're told
Siegfried and Saint George
Potter, Baggins, Beowulf
Were tempered in my forge
So I say to you and yours:
All caught fire in the ivory tower
In the marble arches
In the dust and darkness
And I have you on my mind
Once a mighty tree was grown
For you to know all that is known
I hope you hear exactly what I say
And by your sword a branch came down
And where the blood fell to the ground
It is my cradle and there I must stay
And should ever you return
Well I must confess my story to be true
You will be burned
And I hope that you have learned
All caught fire in the ivory tower
In the marble arches
In the dust and darkness
And all caught fire in the ivory tower
And I have you on my mind
You're on my mind

We're born and then the end is nigh
We live, we love, we laugh, we cry
We get old, we regret, we die
But not I!
I won't go into the night
I have faced a dragon's bite
When the reaper comes, I'll fight
I won't die!
Never fade away
Oh no, not I!
He will never die
Who has the heart
Heart of a fighter
Heart of a fighter
Heart of a fighter
Heart of a fighter
Heart of a fighter

It seems like only yesterday
When my father sat me down, and said:
"Have a good gig at the Prince Pat tomorrow night."
It was actually this morning
And he got the dates confused
(My Dad... he's a fuckwit! )
I remember another time
When my father sat me down and said:
"The people in the row behind can't see."
I said, "Dad, we're on a bus,
And there's nothing much to see."
And he said,
"The landscape, son. The landscape."
When I reached a certain age
As all the young boys do
My body started changing
I grew another head
I had an operation
And I had that head removed
Which was fortunate 'cause at the time there was a shortage of head donors
My Dad took really good care of me
Sat by my side every day
When I started to recover
Dad told me I was old enough
To hear some of the things he had to say
Hey hey hey
My Dad said
"Son, you've turned out nice
You're old enough to hear my advice
You're a man now
And so I want to tell you what I know
"Son, keep your receipts
Keep your receipts
If money is a cash cow, then planning is the meat,
So son, keep your receipts
Keep your receipts
"Son, keep your receipts
Keep your receipts.
If life's a bog in Ireland, then wisdom is the peat
So son, keep your receipts

Shake your tiny fists up at the sky
Gnash your little teeth and scream out "why?"
Get up off your knees, it's time you knew
That the gods are people, too
It's a miracle the sky ever stayed up
Creation's all just basically made up
They're all improvising, just like you
Those gods are people, too
They've got their shiny headbands
They've got their shiny wristbands
But no amount of horns on your helmet's gonna keep
All the cows up in the top paddock
[Trumpet solo]
They've got their shiny headbands
They've got their shiny wristbands
Don't forget we're talking 'bout creative types here
They're bound to be a little temperamental
Next time that you think you're on your own
There's no need to feel that you're alone
You're a part of someone's bigger plan
Some massive tool up there
Looking down on you

Oooo...
(Bup-ba-dup-bup-bup-bup-bup-bup...)
Oo-oo-oooo...
(Bup-ba-dup-bup-bup-bup-bup.)
Ugly men with beautiful women
You see it -
All the time in the world today
Why is it -
Ugly men are so attractive?
Women must look -
Deep inside.
They know we're -
All ugly inside
'Cause we're all guts and stuff
And bile ducts
And pancreatic juice
Yeah!
Oooo...
(Bup-ba-dup-bup-bup-bup-bup-bup...)
Oo-oo-oooo...
(Bup-ba-dup-bup-bup-bup-bup.)
Ugly men with beautiful women
Women can -
See right past the ugly men's looks
Isn't it -
Good to know women are morally superior?
Wouldn't it be -
Good if men were morally superior as well?
Men and women are different
In many varied ways
Women wear dresses
Men wear dresses
We all wear dresses
And that's where babies come from
Ugly men with beautiful women
Beautiful men with ugly women
Yeah
Beautiful men with beautiful women
Beautiful women with beautiful girls
YEAH!
Gorgeous girls with beautiful ladies!
Hot young chicks who can't get enough!
I don't approve of Internet porn
It's so wrong, it's reprehensible
And it wastes your whole day...

Ooh, taking the life
Taking the life
Of a fellow living creature
Ooh, taking the life
Taking the life
Of a fellow living creature
As long as I live
I'll never forget
The look in his eyes
As we stomped on his face
Ooh, taking the life
Taking the life
Of a fellow living creature
Who's the real monster here!
Ooh, taking the life
Taking the life
Of a fellow living creature
With every limb I chopped off
I lost a piece of myself
I smashed him mercilessly
And now I see
That the smashee was me
(Clawing at me)
For mercy
(Looking right in my eyes)
As I died
(Imagery)
I'll always carry with me
(How could he be)
So heartless
(He's been set free)
Now what about me?
[Gatesy bursts into tears]
Ooh, taking the life
Taking the life
Of a fellow living creature
Ooh, taking the life
Taking the life
Of a fellow living creature
Ooh, taking the life
Taking the life

On paper
I know it must be done
On paper
I know his time has come
He refuses to listen or learn
And so he has to burn
Like paper
Like every other one
On paper
I'm big and bad and red
On paper
I have to stomp him dead
Killing him should make me glad
His songs are really bad
On paper
But I can't get them out of my head
So please, please don't make me
Don't make me go through
With the thing that you made me to do
You me to turn him to ash
But I may have found me a match
Don't make me light him
Don't make me bite him
I think I like him
On paper
I'm older than the moon
On paper
I wouldn't love a goon
There's wisdom in my family tree
With such a legacy
On paper
I'd sing a different tune
So please, please don't make me
Don't make me go through
With the thing that you made me to do
Well it couldn't be black-and-whiter
I'm a dragon and he's a fighter
Don't make me fight him
Don't make me light him
I think I like him
Oh, I believe that I do now
Oh yes, I think I like him
On paper
The mission must be served
On paper
The Tree must be preserved
If man ever comes to this place
He's finished his fall from grace
It is written
On paper
On paper
On paper
Your will is the way
'Cause I'm put here to play the role
That you want me to play
Well I'll carry out your wishes
The fighter will sleep with the fishes
It is written
On paper
On paper
On paper
Yes, on paper
On paper

The hot dog man is packing up
He's putting all his sauces away
Scrapes the onion grease into a cup
To use again another day
Other hot dog men might re-use their cheese
But never this hot dog man
He whistles a tune and bobs his head
While sweeping out the floor of his van
The hot dog man once tried a line
In gelati and soft-serve treats
But they didn't last long in the bain-marie
In amongst the steaming meats
The sauce bottle nozzles clog up every day
He always is surprised by how much
A friend once suggested the sachets
But he prefers the personal touch
The hot dog man...
The hot dog man...
[Gatesy, spoken: How beautiful is the hot dog man? Don't you love him? He just knows what life's about. It's the simple things, that's the lesson.]
(The hot dog man...)
The hot dog man attends the normal events
Such as concerts and football games
(The hot dog man...)
Has his regulars at the stadium,
He takes the time to learn all their names
(The hot dog man...)
Whilst he knows it's a professional relationship
He always asks about their lives
(The hot dog man...)
Says, "How are the kids? Is your Mum still well?
Hey, tell me when the baby arrives."
[Gatesy: Awww! ]
The hot dog man maintains his van
He works on it meticulously
He'd have it done by a mechanic,
But who would take as much care as he?
The hot dog man drops his daughter off
At ballet practice three times a week
He jokingly asks, "Am I a taxi?"
She laughs and smiles and kisses his cheek
The hot dog man...
[Gatesy: You gotta love the hot dog man, don't ya? Oh, he's just beautiful, I love him.]
The hot dog man...
[Gatesy: I could sing about him all night. In fact, let's do that, yeah! ]
The hot dog man earns a modest amount
His overheads are more than you'd think
When you add up the cost of his hobby
Plus the wholesale price of the drinks
[Gatesy: What's with "hobby", Yon?]
The hot dog man has certain needs
Not all of which his wife can fulfil
He also has his favourite TV shows
The one he likes the most is "The Bill"
[Gatesy: They're not the lyrics, can we...]
(The hot dog man...)
The hot dog man knows his hardware
Has certain brands he tends to prefer
(The hot dog man...)
He's been fitting out his cellar
But he's not at all the wine connoisseur
(The hot dog man...)
Scod: The hot dog man drives his hot dog van
In circuits 'round the local reserve
(The hot dog man...)
Scod: He drives slowly, but not too slowly
And casual, so as not to unnerve
[Gatesy: I don't like the hot dog man any more! ]
The hot dog man...
[Gatesy: The hot dog man's a bad hot dog man, isn't he, guys? Guys?]
The hot dog man...
[Gatesy: What the fuck is going on! ]
The hot dog man has a coolroom
With independent power supply
Has a table on wheels and a light source
He performs his operations by
[Gatesy: OPERATIONS! ]
The hot dog man's identity
Changes every now and again
For a time, he was a woman
Or at least he wore a woman's skin
[Gatesy: NOOOOOOOOO! ]
If you listen hard in the dead of night
Is that a scratching sound you can hear?
[Gatesy: I DON'T LIKE THIS! ]
We use the word "evil" so liberally...
[Gatesy: STOP... STOP THE FUCKING SONG! Stop... just stop it.
Scod: What?
Gatesy: What are you doing to the hot dog...
Scod: What?
Gatesy: What have you done to him?
Scod: What do you mean, "done to him"?
Gatesy: You've...
Scod: There's a whole range of factors, it wasn't just us.
Gatesy: No!
Yon: Yeah!
Gatesy: No!
Yon: I mean, you know, it's a whole "nature versus nurture" issue, really.
Scod: It is!
Gatesy: It's just... no!
Scod: He might have parental problems, who knows? Maybe he's just evil. We just don't know.
Gatesy: He doesn't! He doesn't have to be evil, though!
Scod: What are you talking about?
Gatesy: No, he doesn't. Why can't... here's an idea... ooh, Gatesy! Why don't we... why don't we make the hot dog man a nice hot dog man again, eh?
Yon: All right.
Gatesy: You know, remember? Aha! Remember...]
The hot dog man is packing up
He's... twisting all the ties on the bun bags
Umm... puts the ice bucket back in the freezer
... where he also keeps the human heads.
[Gatesy: NOOOOOO!
Yon: I like that!
Gatesy: Ohhhh...
Scod: Come on... he's a multi-dimensional character, that's all.
Yon: Come on, Gatesy - don't you think we're all the hot dog man deep down inside?
Gatesy: Noooo...

If I had a tattoo
I would get one of you
Or at least of a generic woman's body
and draw your head on with a texter.
If I had a tattoo
I would get one of your name
Or at least I'd get the alphabet
and circle all the letters that I needed.
You know I wanna stay with you forever
Spend eternity with you.
There's nothing that our love won't last us through
But a tattoo, just seems so... permanent.
If I had a tattoo
I would get one of you
Or at least of a generic woman's body
and draw your head on with a texter.
If I had a tattoo
I would get one of your name
Or at least I'd get the alphabet
and circle all the letters that I needed.
You know I wanna stay with you forever,
Spend eternity with you.
There's nothing that our love won't last us through
But a tattoo, just seems so permanent.
So I got a tattoo
From a temporary tattoo parlor.
The tattoo, it stayed on

I've forgotten everything
In my little mouse size bed
In a county hospital
With a tiny bandage around my head
You've just got a broken ankle
Snap out of it frankel
Images are coming back to me
When i close my eyes i see
How i got my injury
Coz i attempted beastiality
Frankel it's ur past ur seeing
U tried making love to a human being
Frankey all the things you could have been
That is now impossible to be
Now ull never realise ur dream
To be a world champion at frisbee
Now im back in walking therapy
And they're saying bend your knee, katie bend your knee
But my name is not katie
And I'll never throw a fucking frisbee
Luke sky walker look at him
He saved the galaxy with a prosthetic limb
Frankey all the things you could have been
That is now impossible to be
Now you'll never realise your dream
To be a world champion at frisbeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Something is flying at me
Like plastic sperm on a really weird keyring
Its my future i see
A long grey life of parking fines
But life is fine
But frankle your a mouse don't be silly
Even with all four limbs
You couldnt play frisbee
But frankle you will always have your dreams
Coz anything is possible you'll seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Its just bullshit

My life was completely astrous when I met you
(Not "disastrous")
So gruntled with this life I thought I had
(Opposite of "disgruntled")
How could a love so perfect be so vincible?
(Not "invincible")
I could have sworn that you were scrutable
My judgement was so bad
("Bad", opposite of "unbad")
But you were kempt, so kempt
Everything about you was seemly
You were kempt, so kempt
Of course I'd be bedevilled
So gusting and so shevelled
Were you
It started out so wholesome, so pure
(Tell 'em about it...)
We engaged in speakable acts
(Nothing too saucy...)
Although we had hibitions, we were totally toward
(You should have seen it coming)
But I'd always had a tendency to under react
Our love is defunct
When it once was funct
You've debunked all the myths
You had previously bunked
When you were kempt, so kempt
Everything about you was seemly
You were kempt, so kempt
(Of course he'd be bedevilled)
So gusting and so shevelled
Were you
You always seemed so honest and so sidious.
(You were an angel.)
I checked your phone bill, it was full of crepancies.
(Everything was in order! )
But I found out one evening, you'd been creet
(Aha! )
When you and your ex booked a motel, cognito
Your ex! Your ex!
It was a personal attack!
You were going out with prefixes
Behind my back!
(He asked you questions, no more terrogation,
He acted, and he dumped you straight away
You're free, enjoy your newfound carceration)
You're the ex I'd always pected
I'll never member you again
You always derstood me anyway
You sent a bliminal message
By cheating with your ex
But I just think you had
A feriority complex
But anyway, I've found someone else
And she is kempt, so kempt
Everything about her is seemly
She is kempt, so fucking kempt!
Her Christian name is Ingrid
She lets me call her Grid

I watch a weary old man with his briefcase.
Each year of city life a wrinkle on his tired face.
Is this the man that I will turn into?
Then I think of you.
Somewhere across the city,
you are on a train.
Looking at a wrinkled lady.
We should get out of here, baby.
We'll take the road out to the countryside, my dear.
Where the mountains go forever,
and the birds are always near.
We'll build a better life,
we'll leave the city far behind us.
Living where the outside world will never find us.
Stockpiling weaponry
Ly ly ly ly ly ly, bazookas, ly ly ly
Ly ly ly, hand grenades, ly ly ly ly ly ly
Ly ly ly ly ly, booby traps, ly ly ly ly
Ly, bunker network, ly ly ly ly ly ly ly
Ly ly ly ly ly ly ly ly ly ly ly, guns
Ly ly ly ly ly ly ly, fade out, ly ly ly

You say that there isn't a chance,
That we two will have a romance.
You just need a little more time,
But in the meantime....
Is it OK if I stalk you?
I just want to make sure you're OK,
And behaving while I am away.
Is it OK if I stalk you?
Don't mind me I won't get in the way,
And although I'll see you everyday,
You won't see me.
You've stated in words very clear,
That you won't require me here.
So to your conditions I bow,
But for now...*now*
Is it OK if I stalk you?
I just want to make sure you're OK,
And behaving while I am away.
Is it OK if I stalk you?
Don't mind me I won't get in the way,
And although I'll see you everyday,
You won't see me.
I will be in the vicinity no matter where you go,
It’s a good thing what with all of the nutcases out there, so...
Is it Ok if I... (x 13)
Is...
It OK if I stalk you *stalk you, stalk you*
Don't mind me I won't get in the way,
And although I'll see you everyday.
You won't see me ‘cause...
I'll be concealed in my car...
At the back of the bar...
In the restaurant behind the piano...
The man over there with the hair...
And the moustache and wearing the glasses that, no offense, I wouldn't normally wear...
'Cause my eye sight is fine...
And with night vision goggles I see even better,
They flatter you more then the closed circuit video.
Is it Ok if I stalk you?
I just want to make sure you’re OK,
And behaving while I am away.
Is it OK if I stalk you,
Stalk you,
Stalk you,
Stalk you,
Stalk you,
Stalk stalk stalk stalk stalk stalk stalk stalk stalk stalk you?
Stalk you...

I'm not sure that I will be very well-suited
To the new post-climate change society
It bothers me
I'm not sure that I have the tools to deal
With the complete collapse of the modern world
I'd be rooted
I burn easily
And my feet get sore when I walk barefoot
It's pathetic
I'd last two seconds
I'm not sure that I'd have a chance in a half-drowned,
post-technological world
I'm not sure that I know enough about bush tucker
Or how to get water from cactuses
Aren't they prickly or something
I've got no Indigenous friends
And I'm sure they'd get sussed
If I tried to buddy up to them at this late stage
They'd be onto me
I get bored quickly
If I couldn't stare at a screen all day
I'd have no purpose
I'd be a vegetable
I'm not sure that I'd have a chance in a DIY, make-
your-own-fun world
Even allowing for the possibility
That it might not be exactly like Mad Max
You can be sure that there'd still be a healthy amount
Of fighting marauders off
And I'm not much good
At fighting marauders off
I learnt this at my year twelve formal
I'm not sure that I have the upper body strength
To cope with all the rowing in an ocean-based world
I'd be completely at sea
And my word-smithery would fall on deaf ears
With the people with hats made of sheep skulls
Then they'd kill me
I'm not sure that there'd be a place for a fey, bookish
technophile
In a physically challenging, nomadic, foraging,

Well now honey, we've had a good life, you and me
All these years we've been so happy
But now lately, things just ain't working
So I think it's time to just let it be
That's why I'm sending you
This text message
To let you know that we're through
Concisely
It was great
(G-R-8)
To be
(2-B)
With you
(W-I-T-H-U)
But now honey
(H-1-E)
Oh, we're through
(T-H-R-U)
I wish that I had predicted
That it would end this way.
Just like my phone can predict
What I wanna say.
It was ace...
(Bad Cad Ace)
And I hate...
(Have Gave Gate Hate)
To lose...
(Lord Lose Lore ah! Jose Kore Jord Lord Lose)
What we had, you and I
Well, I'm not the right guy
I don't wanna see you cry
I'd rather did...
(Mobile phone tone)

Again and again
I do the wrong thing
I'm trying
I'm doing the best I can
To do the right thing
I'm sorry, I'm trying
Do you know
How hard it was for me
To say these things to you
To apologise
By writing a song for you?
Do you know
How much courage it took
To not talk to your face?
You see, I'm an artist
And you are not one
So you wouldn't understand
My pain is deeper
My problems more complex
Than yours are
Do you know
How hard it was for me
To say these things to you
In a song
So you don't get the answer?
Do you know
How much courage it takes
To stand in front of people that love me?
And maybe
This song will elevate me
To a godlike status
And then you will see
The people validate me:
"He's vulnerable
He's sensitive
He's lovely."
And they'll say:
"Do you know
How hard that was for him?
He's such a fucking champ
Shame on you!
How could you hurt him?"
And they'll say:
"He's our Lord!
How dare you question him?"
And they'll converge on you
(And shreds of your clothing will be flung skyward as
his legion of fanatical devotees, their eyes bright
with blind love, feast! )
Feast, my children! Because I'm so goddamn interesting
and in touch with my feelings that all shall bow down
to me and despair!
(And he shall float down to the place where you once
stood, graceful as though he were on an invisible
trolley. And the surging throng shall part before him
as if he were a dark Moses, and all that shall be left
of you is a... hat.)
(Do you know
How hard that was for him?)
To have you destroyed
Understand, I couldn't let you live
You'd become
A symbol of my weakness
Of my humanity
My humanity
My humanity
And all semblance of the man I once was will be gone,
encased in majestic fantasy, surrounded by sycophantic
cronies paralysed by fear, I will become... a god. A

You know, Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen
Comet and Cupid and Chopper and Nixon
But do you recall
The least famous reindeer of all?
Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian
Fabian, Fabian, this song's for you
Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian
Fabian, Fabian, this song's for you
This is the tale of a reindeer that nobody knows
Shoved down the back and largely ignored on account of a nasal disfigurement
Not unlike Rudolph in that sense
The hallmarks are almost the same
Instead of a red shiny nose that brought Rudolph his fame...
Fabian had just... a cavity
No nose at all
Just a big empty space
In the middle of his face
Scod: Just a couple of chambers
[Fabian: What are you looking at? D'ya want a piece of this?]
Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian
Fabian, Fabian, this song's for you
Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian
Fabian, Fabian, this song's for you
Abnormal snouts were surprisingly common in reindeer
Rudolph and Fabian both fell victim
To the elves and their cost-cutting measures
In keeping their overheads down
The elves fed the reindeer on reindeer.
And on top of that, the poor reindeer were also inbred
So Fabian had just... a cavity
Tripod: His hooter was lacking
Bugger all schnozz!
All this because
His dad was also his sister
Who he then ate.
[Fabian: This chicken tastes funny. Can I have some of yours?]
Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian
Fabian, Fabian, this song's for you
Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian
Fabian, Fabian, tragic but true
Disliked by his peers
This disfigured deer was alone
He watched from afar
As Rudolph the star
Would lead all the others back home
But before you get too sympathetic
There's another thing you should know
Sure, his nose was upsetting
But reindeer are not quite that shallow
'Cause Fabian was... a tosser
[Fabian What! ]
Not nice at all!
[Fabian: Argh, who ran out my batteries?]
An arrogant fool!
[Fabian: I look good in this, don't I?]
A self-serving tool!
[Fabian: I write my name on my stuff for a reason! ]
An absolute face-hole
Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian
Fabian, Fabian, no one likes you
Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian
Fabian, Fabian surgery won't fix the vortex

Our youth was overrated Because anger never gets old The
Street lights color the backdrop To wash away all the
Things I've been told That we "can't find a home within
This hollow shell of half-light." And I'm looking at your
Face And I'm looking at your door Through your open
Window I can see your open floor What's unbound is
Unaffected The gaze you are reflecting Staring blindly
Boldly brilliantly Emergency The cheap sex is underrated
Not that you're cheap in the way that I mean We fall
Around in your bedroom There's nothing dirty about not
Being clean Like everyone wants And I'm looking at your
Face And I'm looking at the floor Strung up all my grace
Right outside the door What's unbound is unaffected The
Gaze you are reflecting Staring blindly boldly
Brilliantly Emergency Admit it, We're desperate, And
Gorgeous Admit it, We're desperate, And gorgeous The more
They tell us not to The more we'll always take. The

I'm lighting a candle, as I'm looking through my window
To the town square, the snow covered streets are lonely and bare,
Yeah
The town Christmas tree, winks mockingly at me,
Cause I should be spending Christmas with you.
I wrapped my last gift and put the cellatape away,
Checked the answering machine
And in the distance, a choir sings
Aaaaahhh
About the joy that Christmas brings
And it's making me feel blue,
Cause I should be spending Christmas with you,
But it breaks my heart that that's the place I just can't be,
Cause I hate your family.
The day I met you,
I knew you could get me through.
When we're alone, my world is complete, you're all that I need.
But when your family call,
They shit me up the wall,
Spending time with them just makes my brain bleed.
And it's making me feel blue,
Cause I should be spending Christmas with you,
But I'd rather string my nuts up to a Christmas tree,
Cause I hate your family.
The night I first met them,
The dog was drunk,
And your father threatened me with a knife.
Your sister showed me
Her collection of eels,
And what she did then will stay with me for life.
And it's making me feel blue,
Cause I should be spending Christmas with you,
But I'd rather drink a tumbler full of walrus wee,
Cause I hate your family.
With your brother doing dick tricks at the table,
I can't believe your mum asked me to play spin the bottle.
Yeah I'd rather be enclosed in a box of killer bees,
Yeah I'd rather be attacked by giant chimpazees,
Yeah I'd rather wear a suit designed by Jenny Keye
Your mum is dumb
And your dad is mad

Lai-lai lai lai lai lai lai lai,
Lai lai-lai lai,
Lai lai-lai lai!
Lai-lai lai lai lai lai lai lai,
Lai lai-lai lai,
Lai lai-lai lai!
There's a girl
We see each other every day
But I, I'm too shy
And I can't even bring myself to say
"Hello, how are you today?
Lovely weather, by the way,
If I was with you, I'd be happy to pay!"
Oh, for dinner, not... oh, fuck!
She's so cute
She's got a little button head
And I try to be cool
But then I just trip over and nearly spew
I just can't find a way to
Let her know that I'll be true
So I know what I must do...
I'm gonna win the Rock Eisteddfod
That's how I'm gonna win her hand
I'm gonna win the Rock Eisteddfod
And I'm a thirty-eight-year-old man
And when I've won the Rock Eisteddfod
She won't leave me on the shelf
I'm gonna win the Rock Eisteddfod
Win the Rock Eisteddfod by myself
With no-one else
On stage by myself
My thematic concept
Will be a post-apocalyptic nightmare
Made of cardboard boxes,
And foil taped to my stack hat
She'll be impressed!
And my costume will be the best
When the curtain rises, I'll be dressed
In fluoro bike shorts and a fur vest
I can see it now
We'll be the toast of Highpoint
She'll fall in love
With my mix of funky dance moves
And school spirit
And she'll finally let me near it
I'm a master of my art
That's the way I'll win her heart...
... For my school!
I'm gonna win the Rock Eisteddfod
That's how I'm gonna win her hand
I'm gonna win the Rock Eisteddfod
And I'm a thirty-eight-year-old man
When I've won the Rock Eisteddfod
She won't leave me on the shelf
I'm gonna win the Rock Eisteddfod
Win the Rock Eisteddfod by myself
And as for music, I'll only choose it
If it's got a serious environmental message
I'll start with "Hungry Like the Wolf"
And then, "It's Raining Men"
I hope it works
I hope she falls in love with me
My backup plan
Will leave these rookie amateurs behind
And I'll really blow her mind
And I'll build my Jazz Ballet rep
I'll go the logical next step...
I'm gonna win the Eurovision
Be a star and make her see
Singing in a foreign language
Maybe then she'll understand me
And when I've won the Eurovision
She won't leave me on the shelf
I'm gonna win the Eurovision
Then I finally won't be by myself
In row boats by myself
On see-saws by myself

GATESY:
I need to tell you how I feel
My love for you has congealed
My baby now
YON AND SCOD:
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na
GATESY:
My baby
YON AND SCOD:
Don't listen to what we sing
We're just the back=up guys it
Is just a rhythm thing it's
Got no lyrical content
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na
See?
GATESY:
My gelatinous love...
SCOD:
As I get closer
As I grow nearer to my goal...
GATESY:
Forming a skin on the top...
YON:
What happened to you and me?
We were the back-up guys, now
It's just me swinging in the wind
GATESY:
My power grows...
YON:
Thanks
GATESY AND SCOD:
Oh baby
YON:
I thought that we were a team
You and me and him
Him and me, you, us
A team of three
You, me, he...
SCOD:
My purpose is clear...
YON:
Since we've been on this journey
It's now apparent to me
That everyone's up their own arse
Except for me...
GATESY:
Scent like a panna cotta
My perfect panna cotta love...
SCOD:
For when the hand with the spear...
YON:
I should have shut my trap
When I saw that gap in the map
I saw the gap in the map
Now it's all turning to crap...
GATESY:
Oh baby now...
GATESY:
Firm and yet soft...
YON:
He's got delusions of grandeur
And he's just got randier and randier and randier
ALL:

If all you leave me is bones
I will sing bones
If all you leave me is dust
I will sing dust
If everything I have loved is taken away
I will still play
I will still play
I won't change the course of the rivers
Or sing up the stones
You won't still be humming my tune
By the time you get home
I know we all go back to dirt
At the end of the day
But I will still play
I will still play
You can do what you want anyway
It's cold in the land of the dead
The rivers are slow
They're shuffling off to their end
And they don't even know
Up there they've also forgotten
It's all going grey
But I will still play
I will still play
Laugh at me, that's nothing new
It was always that way
Change all the rules to the game
From what they were in my day
But I will still play
I will still play

Meet you by the art room door
In a circle on the hallway floor
Teacher held you back again
Drawing ogres in your textbook margin
Keeping your eyes down and dodging oranges
On the bus trip home
Every day you're battle-scarred
You'll grow up to be a bard
You'll grow up to be a bard
Hurt yourself at sports again
You're not made for mud and wind
Limping home through quiet streets
Sprinkler spits a snare drum beat
Kids down on the vacant block throw rocks at you
For talking to yourself again
Days like this are way too hard
You'll grow up to be a bard
You'll grow up to be a bard
You'll tell your own daughter stories
She'll get some dice of her own one day
They can trademark the name all they like
It's all ripped off Tolkien anyway
'Cause dragons and dungeons go back
They go back a long, long way
And they won't go away
They won't go away
Meet you by the art room door
In a circle on the hallway floor
Made up a new map last night
It's got a dragon and a wizard fight
Once the ranger and the thief get here
We can lock the door
Shut the noise out from the yard
Then we can let down our guard
You'll grow up to be a bard
You'll grow up to...
You'll grow up to be a bard

Her name was mary anne
She made him feel like a man
Im not saying that he felt like a man
He didn't want a man
He liked them as friends
But he didn't feel like a man
In the same way you feel like having an icey pole.
"its alright, i know what to do, if u could just start from the top"
Her name was nicole
She made him feel like a hole.
"feel like a hole?"
"it has to rhyme with nicole."
"Just use her actual name,
We'll find a rhyme for it."
"What's her actual name?"
"Magina.HIT IT!"
"Ive got one for mary anne."
Her name was mary anne
She made him feel like a man
But she didn't even know he existed
But oh whenever she walked past
His heart would stop.
So he was dead before they even got started
Coz his heart had stopped when he caught sight of her
It was death at first sight
They never made it one night
"he didn't fucking die! alright? he didn't die"
"you said his heart had stopped, what is he? the undead?"
"no... no... no... no"
"i don't know what else im sposed to do"
"no... he's not un... undead"
"is he doomed to walk the earth and be in a shit song?
"that's MY fucking life, now you play..."
Her name was mary anne
She had the body of a godess
And the face of an angel
Every mans desire
She set his world on fire.
So they were all dead before they even got started...
And they...
Because they were in an incentuary disaster
"Join in if you know the words"
"shut... the... fuck... up scod
Shut... the... fuck... up
Shut... the... fuck.up
Shut the fuck up!"
"You said the world had caught fire!"
"It's a metaphor!"
"i reckon my mum could beat your mum in a fight.you knwo that?"
"my dad could beat your mum in a fight"
"you suck and so does your mum"
"hey, hey, hey, hey. hey. say what you like about my mum, leave me out of it."
"i reckon i can fix this song up, by the way.maryanne? Just play, and i'll sing and it'll be good."
Her name was maryanne
She was searching for a man
Her silouhette was unmistakable
She stood out in a crowd
She had a shapely head
And a long flowing nose
She was hideous
A walking disaster
A cranky crone (?)
A picture of disgust
She caught his eye
And returned it promptly
He was glad that she could catch it
But they couldn't re-attatch it
He was blinded for all time
"Alright"
So they lived happilyyyyyyyyyyyy
Because he couldn't seeeeeeeeeee
That she was so uglyyyyyyyyyyyy
I'm glad it wasn't me...