Wolfie blows kisses to the roaring crowd of fans, but even Death Cheese's 666 metric tons of Splunge couldn't top this year's VILE winner
Death Cheese Still a VILE Bridesmaid at This Year's Awards Ceremony
by Jerky Le Beef
Poor Death Cheese. In spite of shredding tunes like Quantum Anal Death Probe, Killing Your Undead Ass, and Axe To Your Cranium, they still were unable to cinch the 2008 VILE award. In a splungetastic ceremony of cranium-imploding fextrousness, VILE favorites The Crappy Crew were awarded the Universe's first and only Trophy of Eternal Vileosity for Vileness Above and Beyond the Call of Doody. "Arsewipe and his lot are the most vile, the most splungetastic, the most truly repugnacious lot of respluvicant yujjlers we have ever had the vegnarousness to behold!" gushed head judge Zkwoz Zrsfaep. "It simply would not be fair to award them the VILE award every year though surely they deserve it. There must, however, be a chance for new blood to strut their splunge and show their yzuglosity. So it is with great atexonity that we award the Crappy Crew this Trophy of Eternal Vileness. We do insist that you must return each year to show the less exstroprious musicians what it really means to be VILE."
The Vogons then awarded a special award to Crappy Crew singer Lacey "for demonstrating what it means to be thoroughly splungeful and utterly exstroprious." The main VILE award of 2008 was bestowed upon Shannia Wannabe "for hapstrefication above and beyond measure." "Her dissonant quipifferage is the most asajinous that I have heard in an oplamion," declared Judge Kozajqrta Kjrrrstk. "It inspires the very murwage to heave within my nefroptic process."
"As always, we are most ghastric to have the splungetastic Death Cheese in our midst. And Soggy's side project band, The Spammy Pipers...oh, how they implode the xartrage of the gnoffricon! Yet despite the weight of their splunge and the shimmer of their oteurr, the true VILENESS of this evening belongs as ever to the Crappy Crew, and on this exhuminous occasion, to the new icon of arsiniousness, Shannia Wannabe," declared Judge Zkwoz. "We wish to thank you all for a most splunge-filled evening," said Prefect Dhpscht. "And now, please join us for a most yzerfious feast, provided by the tremendously vile Steak Through The Heart and our very own Chef Zedox Zwrrrm, and of course our favorite Master of Spam, Soggy. Dig in!" An enraged Axe Man chopped the stage into splinters, but the Vogons were thoroughly pleased by this display of destructive wrath. Wolfie blew kisses to the crowd and Buzzin and Buzzoff greeted the defeat with their typical incongruous optimism. "We'll get it next year, you know," Buzzoff said. "After all, there's vile and then there's just plain shitty. The Crappy Crew fall into the second category."
"Yeah, we know who really is the most Vile of them all," said Buzzoff, hocking a loogie onto a piece of rotted flesh to predigest it. "Real connaisseurs of Splunge know that for real vileness, all you have to do is pop in a Death Cheese CD, and you're rocking with the most vile!"
Jerky Le Beef
