League Injury Report

Hey, y'all, Cuzzin Hildy here again, helpin' our rovin' zombie the Undead Sports Fan type up her League Injury Report! Go fer it, Undead!
MAREK SVATOS!!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!! OWWWWW!!!!!NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
We-uns couldn't agree more, y'all. That's kinda like havin' yer salt shaker fall off the picnic table into a swamp jest as yer steak comes off the grill! It's ok, Cuzzin Undead, take it easy. C'mon an' tell us about the rest of the injuries.
JOSE THEODORE!!!! SMACK!!!! CRACK!!!!! AIEEEEEEE!!!!!
DAVID AEBISCHER!!!! AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Ok, y'all, Cuzzin David ain't injured. Our resident hockey-lovin' zombie is jest mournin' his departure from our blessed Avs. Dang, Cuzzin Undead, take 'er easy! Y'all sound like a coyote what sat in a fire after drinkin' a bucket o' habaneero salsa! They's other injured players. Now, bear up an' tell us who they are.
STEVE KONAWALCHUK!!!!! WOOOWAAAHHH!!! WOWOOOO!!!!
ROMAN HAMRLIK! WAWOOO!!! YOWCHIE!!!
RHETT WARRENER! YAIEEEE!!!! WHAMMO!!!
BYRON RITCHIE! URRRRGH!!! BLAMM!!!
ERIK COLE! EEEEYIKES!!!! UGGGHHHHH!!!
ANDREW HUTCHINSON! AYYYARRRG!!!! WAAAAHHH!!!
ERIC DAZE! YAARRRGGGHHH!!! WOWWWIEEE!!!!
ADRIAN AUCOIN! WOOOHAAAA!!!! WOOOWOOO!!!!
TUOMO RUUTU! EEEYIKE!!!! SHREEEEK!!!!
BRYAN BERARD! AAAHHHHH!!!! WOOOWOW!!!
Dagnab it, Undead, where do y'all think yer goin'? We ain't finished with this report yet!
Hell, I rue the day when zombies got their hands on technology! Undead jest got a text message from Eddie--yeah, the Iron Maiden mascot Eddie--an' so she's dropped everythin' ter have some kind o' necro cybersex with him. Take it outside, Undead, I don't want no part of it! I don't see how they kin understand a dang word of what each other's sayin' anyhow! I guess we'll take up the injury report tomorrow night. 'Less'n Undead has a date with Wolfie, the lead singer fer Death Cheese. I'd tell her how she's turnin' into a regular ole rock groupie, but I'm afraid she might try ter eat my brain, an' who knows, I might need that sometime!
So keep yer stick on the ice, y'all, an' we'll be back with more injury report later!
Yer Hockey Lovin' Hillbilly Cuzzin,
Hildy

Hyar's a pitcher of Wolfie fer ya, in case ya cared.

Bye-Bye Abbi, Hello Jose

Well, y'all, Cuzzin Cie wuz shore in a fit this afternoon when she found out that good ole Cuzzin David Aebischer was bein' a-traded ter the Montreal Canadiens. Now mind ya, I think Cuzzin David is a great goaltender, but I'm with ole Pierre La Croix on this one. Despite the fact that I really wanted ter kill that man when he traded away good ole Cuzzin Adam Deadmarsh, I can see how the wheels was a-turnin' in his noggin when he made this hyar trade. He was eyeballin' ole Jose anyways but couldn't afford ter lay down that kind o' cabbage. Well, when Cuzzin Jose hurt his self slippin' on his stairs an' broke his heel, the price on him dropped. Dang, sounds like we's tradin' mules or horses, don't it?
Now iffen I could jest git Cuzzin Cie ter calm down a minute, she's got steam a-comin' out of her ears like a tractor that's overheatin'. Yer ole Cuzzin Hildy is always sorry ter see a good player go, an' Cuzzin Abbi, well, he's a solid goalie, ain't no denyin'. But Cuzzin Jose, he's kinda an abberation, ya see. Kinda like ole Cuzzin Dominik Hasek, an', dare I say it, maybe even like Cuzzin Patrick Roy, the greatest damn goalie ever, an' I don't care what anyone else has ter say about it. The kind of player that's so damn good it's scary. They ain't even quite human, y'all. And much though I've been kinda pissed at ole Pierre for some o' his trades in the past of players I loved, (still thinkin' 'bout eggin' his limo fer tradin' my good buddy Cuzzin Peter Forsberg!) even I gotta admit he's got a good eye fer talent. So settle down, Cuzzin Cie, an' keep yer stick on the ice! Cuzzin Abbi was married anyways.
Hey, it's good ter be back, y'all. We got off ter a rough start, but hopefully we'll be keepin' 'em comin' on a regular basis from here on out. Y'all keep yer stick on the ice too. An' keep yer eyeballs on Cuzzin Jose when he finally gits back on the ice again. I think ole Pierre done picked us a winner!
Keep yer stick on the ice!
Yer Hockey-Lovin' Hillbilly Cuzzin,
Hildy-Bob

Avs v. Canadiens

The Canadiens tested the team, but the Avs are confident right now and it shows. Right on, Cuzzin Hildy, Svatos for Rookie of the Year! I'm behind it all the way!
If Abbi keeps playing like he's playing, I think that the team has a chance to do great things come playoff time. And to keep on doing great things throughout the regular season, of course! Of course the rest of the team also has to hold up their end of things. But it was tough for a while, watching such a good goalie in such a terrible slump and wondering what was up with him. Sometimes its hard to get your confidence back when you've lost it. Thankfully he seems to have found it, and the whole team seems to have caught the good feeling. Keep it up, Dudes! Looking forward to watching as many of you as possible in the Olympics.
Keep yer stick on the ice!
Peace, Love and Hockey,
Cuzzin Cie

Mayhem! Massacree! Outright Slaughter!

The Victims: The St. Louis Blues, y'all!
The Score: 6-1
The Avs: Guilty as charged!
#1 Guilty Party: Cuzzin Marek Svatos, with the Hat Trick. Wish I'd have been thar ter throw my Stetson with the big ole Avs logo on it inter the rink. Now that thar is a hat y'all don't see every day!
The pore ole Blues didn't stand a chance!
Cuzzin Abbi's back with a vengeance!
The Avs as a whole is so hot they's meltin' the ice, y'all!
Thar was a couple good fights. Y'all could see it was just killin' the Blues ter be hung out ter dry like thet. All I got to say is that was the kind of game I jest love ter watch from my favorite team!
Cuzzin Marek fer rookie of the year, y'all!
Until next time, keep yer stick on the ice!
Yer Hockey-Lovin' Hillbilly Cuzzin,
Hildy

Update from Cuzzin Cie

Ummm....the entry just prior to this would be the League Injury Report from the Undead Sports Fan regarding the Western Conference. She's run off to dig up a grave or something, so I can put in my two cents worth now.
Working with zombies is such fun--first Eddie, now this...
Anyway...
David Aebischer has been nothing like a zombie in the past couple of games. Hopefully Abbi has his groove back! It certainly helps that the defense has been on the money too.
The Avs always play well offensively. The amount of talent on this team never ceases to amaze. But sometimes they seem to get out of whack. This year they've had a tendency to start strong but crap out, and to let themselves be rattled when the other team makes a goal. I think they realize that they can't allow themselves to do this.
As long as the Avs have been here, I can't remember seeing them hold lower than a #3 spot on the playoff roster for the Western conference. They're currently 4th in the Northwest division and something like 8th as a whole, which simply isn't like them. They seem to have gotten it back together and I'm greatly looking forward to watching the individual players who have gotten accepted on the Olympic teams of their various home countries. Watching the puck drop will be a great way to celebrate my 41st birthday on February 15th. I don't even care which teams are playing, I just love hockey--period!
So, welcome back to the land of the living, Abbi. And if you see a rotting zombie wearing a decaying Avs jersey with the number 666 on back and a puck stuck in her forehead lurking around the Pepsi Center parking lot--fear not. It's just the Undead Sports Fan, killed in 1999 by an unfortunate Valeri Kamensky power shot while trying to climb over the glass and clobber Brendan Shanahan, her most hated Red Wing player, for clocking Adam Foote, one of her all time favorite Avs. Not that Footer couldn't handle his own against the dread Shanny, but Undead (then known as Clementine Cloverhoofer) was passionate, both in her love of the Avs and her hatred of the Wings. Hildy and I have always been more moderate in our attitudes. We just love hockey--period. It so happens that the Avs rule, but aside from that, hey, why be hatin'?
To any rate, just as Clementine had climbed the glass and hit the ice to take off after Shanny, Kamensky slammed one of his famous 100+ mph shots towards the goal. Just as Clementine leapt to tackle her victim, the puck slammed into her head--and I do mean INTO her head!
Kamensky once cracked a goalie's helmet with a power shot, so you can imagine what happened to ole Clementine's skull.
Needless to say, this messy accident didn't look good for the Avs, and at the end of the season, poor Kamensky was traded to the New York Rangers.
Well--at least he got a chance to play with Gretzky, Leech and Messier before his career was over.
For the record, Undead doesn't hold her pucked-up demise against Kamensky. But knowledge that she is back from the grave might explain why no-one knows where to find him!
Seriously--all she wants is for him to autograph the puck that he implanted in her head on that fateful night!
That and a date with Eddie are the top two things on the Undead Sports Fan's wish list.
Personally, I'd rather have a date with Valeri Kamensky and let Eddie sign one of the hockey pucks that I have sitting on one of my bureaus at home, even though he's never played hockey! But to each their own.
That's all for tonight's report. Until next time, keep yer stick on the ice and don't take too many penalties!
Your Pal,
Cuzzin Cie

League Injury Report from THE UNDEAD SPORTS FAN

BLAAAH!!!! ARRGHGGG!!!!
BRAD MAY
WHAM!
OUCH!!!!

ACK! WHACK!
PIERRE MARC BOUCHARD!!!
BLAAARRRRRRR!!!!

WHACKY! SMACKY!
RICK RYPIEN!
AWOOOOOOOO!!!!! GLAAAAHHHH!!!!

FLARRRR!!! BLEAAAGGGH!
MATT WALKER!
RAAAAHHHH!!! OWOOOOO!!!!

GLAAAAH! AROOOGAH!!!!
BYRON RITCHIE!!!!!
KABLAAAAM!!!! WHACK!!!!
OWWWIE!

BLAAACH!!!! GLARRRG!!!!
MARKUS NILSON!!!
OWIE WOWIE!
HUSKER DU!!!!!

GLAAAH!!! AAAGH!!!! ARGBLOOOOEY!!!!!

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Howdy!

Hey y'all, a big yee-haw and howdy from yer good ole Cuzzin Hildy Bob, here fer ya along with Cuzzin Cie and the Undead Sports Fan! Back in the ole 90's, I had me a web page dee-voted to yer favorite sport and mine, none other than Hockey! Well, after havin' three young-un's in the space o' five years, it got kinda hard ter keep up with Sportin' Reportin', and I had ter give it up fer awhile. But then Cuzzin Cie came ta me and said, "Hey, Hildy, what do y'all think about puttin' the site back together?"
Well, y'all, as I set thar with little Virgil-Joe Junior, little Ginny-Bob and my little two year old Jimmy-Joe-John-Bob at my knee, I realized thet I ain't pregnant and the dogs done cleaned off the table and the floor fer me, the hogs has been slopped and the cows has been milked, so why the hell not? Then I asked Cuzzin Cie whut her interior motives fer this sudden desire ter revampilate the ole site wuz.
Turns out that ole Cuzzin Cie had a feller what disagreed with her about her take on the whole Todd Bertuzzy situation up thar in Canada, an' while ole Cuzzin Cie is a sportin' kind o' gal who don't expect the whole world ter agree with her, she likes ter pick her battles. Now, Cuzzin Cie has a whole lot of these bloggy thingies under her alternated ego, The Cheesemeister. Her mainmost bloggy thing gots all her randomized thoughts that don't go nowhere else, and she don't wanna be arguin' about hockey in a place that's s'posed ter be just good fun. Just like she don't wanna be arguin' about matters o' spooky mystical occulty stuff thar neither. Me, I like ter talk hockey, but iffen I got an opinion, I'll argue it till yer blue in the face! It don't make no never mind ter me. I can nurse a baby, cuss the television, holler at my husband ter check on the still 'cause it sounds like it may blow, check my emails, and argue about hockey all at the same time!
Cuzzin Cie's a nice gal and she'll state her disagreements friendly-like. Me, if I'm steamed enough, I ain't gonna be so nice. And ain't no dang Todd Bertuzzi welcome in my house, I can tell y'all that!
Cuzzin Cie sez she ain't organized, but I think she is. She gots herself a poetry bloggy, a novel writin' bloggy, and even a bloggy about her crazy ass dreams, as well as them thar bloggys I already done mentioned in the last pary-graph. Heck, even her animals have a bloggy! That's a dang sight more intelligent than kin be said fer this hyar scurvy crew at my house, though they shore do a good job of eatin' up the leftovers an' cleanin' the kiddies' faces after dinner!
So, Cuzzin Cie, me, and the Undead Sports Fan is hyar fer the best in Sportin' Reportin', done like y'all ain't never seen nor imagined! Look out world, the Hockey-Lovin' Hillbilly is back!
Keep yer stick on the ice, y'all!
Yer Cuzzin,
Hildy-Bob