Black Dynamite (2009)

Actors

• Obba Babatundé (actor)
• William Bassett (actor)
• Troy Lindsey Brown (actor)
• Kevin Chapman (actor)
• Sean Christopher (actor)
• Tommy Davidson (actor)
• Lucky Davis (actor)
• Nicholas Earley (actor)
• Richard Edson (actor)
• T.J. Edwards (actor)
• Jon Kent Ethridge (actor)
• Cory Gluck (actor)
• Arsenio Hall (actor)
• Paul Hayes (actor)
• Pete Antico (actor)

Genres

• Action
• Comedy

Taglines:

He's super bad. He's outta sight. He's...

Quotes:

Black Chick #2: Black Dynamite, that was the best loving I ever had.::White Chick #2: Me too.::Asian Chick: That goes triple for me.::Black Dynamite: Shh. Mama, you're gonna wake up the rest of the bitches.::[Two more women are sleeping on the same bed]

Honey Bee: Black Dynamite, you ain't got to worry about Gloria. She gonna be safe in here. I been keeping the girls up on their kung fu like you told me to. Now, they find her up in here, we will fricassee they honky asses.::Gloria: Dynamite, are you sure about this? Maybe we should call the police.::Black Dynamite: No, Mama. You can bet your sweet ass and half a titty whoever put that hit on you already got the cops in their back pocket. You be cool, Mama. Bee here will keep you tight and out of sight. I'm gonna shake the tree from the roots and rake up the fruits, rip it up out of the ground, find out what's going down. Don't worry about tomorrow, Mama, because tonight...::Euphoria: Dynamite's gonna make everything all right.::Black Dynamite: Euphoria, shut the fuck up! I know that was you! I ain't even gotta look! I should send your ass back to Crenshaw Pete with his hot-ass coat hangers, bitch. Would you like that?::[Euphoria shakes her head in fear and walks away. There is a long silence between Black Dynamite and Gloria]::Gloria: Black Dynamite, I know that we just met, but somehow I feel that I can trust you. I'll be waiting here till you come to get me.::[Kisses Black Dynamite]::Gloria: Thank you for saving my life.::Black Dynamite: You be cool, Little Mama. I'll be back before too long.

Black Dynamite: Say, Mama, you're gonna have to work on your delivery if you wanna take on Congressman James. The shame is, half these people don't know what y'all talking about, but at least they can put his to a beat.::Gloria: So what do you do to make a difference? Do you march? Do you vote? Oh, let me guess. You're one of those Tom Slick brothers that think you can get by on good looks, a wink and a smile, huh?::Black Dynamite: I don't know about Tom Slick, but thank you for the compliments.::Gloria: That's not what I meant. Not that I think you have good looks- I mean, you know these guys with their...::Black Dynamite: Winks and smiles?::Gloria: Yeah.::[Black Dynamite winks at Gloria]::Gloria: What about the smile?::Black Dynamite: I am smiling.::[Gloria walks away]

Black Dynamite: First Lady, I'm sorry I pimp-slapped you into that china cabinet. I used excessive force. Oftentimes, I cross the line, but I try to do so in the name of what's right. Most of the time, the ends justifies the means. But in this case, I feel like I betrayed my own code of ethics. And for that, sugar, I apologize.::Patricia Nixon: But I shot at you. I tried to kill you, Black Dynamite.::Black Dynamite: This is true, but you did not connect. You shot a plate. Had you connected, pimp-slapping you into that china cabinet might have been justified. But I feel I crossed the line. And for that, please accept my apology.::Patricia Nixon: I do. I do, it's just... oh, Black Dynamite, you're so righteous.::Black Dynamite: This is also true. Because whenever there's injustice, [stands up] wrongs to be...::[Gloria suddenly appears and embraces Black Dynamite]::Gloria: Oh, Black Dynamite!::Patricia Nixon: [Tugging Black Dynamite's pants] Go on, honey.::Black Dynamite: [Pulls out his handgun and points it straight ahead] Because whenever there's injustice, wrongs to be righted, [as Gloria sits down, holding Black Dynamite's left leg] innocents to be defended, Black Dynamite will be there, delivering ass-whuppings. and I will not hesitate to lay the hammer down on any clown that comes around. [Pulls out his nunchucks] Because if they wanna fight, they best come see me, because I'm Black Dynamite.::[Pat Nixon proceeds to approach Black Dynamite and hold his right leg]

Gloria: [after Dynamite kills a would-be assasin in a donut suit] How did you know?::Black Dynamite: Because donuts don't wear alligator shoes.

Black Dynamite: [after having a flashback of being teased as an orphan] No! Not the orphans!

Bullhorn: You know he came around here about a week ago, with some cats that I had never seen before. Man, I mean these cats looked mean! Meaner than two fat motherfuckers wrestling over pork chops and greens, can you dig it?

Black Dynamite: Breathe deeply, baby. [places stethoscope on Nurse Jenny's chest]::Nurse Jenny: Daddy, you make my heart beat.::Black Dynamite: Yeah, Dr. Dynamite can hear that. But I think you're running a temperature. Let me see if I can find a thermometer for you. [unzips pants]::Doctor: What the-? I told you urine sample, Nurse Jenny.::[Nurse Jenny runs away]::Doctor: Black Dynamite, I mean, really?::Black Dynamite: Hey man, you sent her in here with them titties. What did you expect? How's my x-ray.::Doctor: Well, no fragments. In and out. You're lucky, Black Dynamite. Three inches to the left and we wouldn't even be having this conversation.::Black Dynamite: Three inches to the right, and it would've missed my black ass.::Doctor: Well, you need a new line of work. This is the second time this year.::Black Dynamite: I know, I know.::Doctor: Why do I bother? There's no helping you.::Black Dynamite: No, doc, you help me just fine. See you next time.

Bullhorn: Go get Chicago Wind before he disappears. I'll take care of this gorilla eatin' goon here!

Bullhorn: Oh, you's a corn-fed fool with a lot of muscle mass. But it's time for Bullhorn to get up in that ass!::[Bullhorn proceeds to land a chop on the thug, which is blocked. He then punches the thug in the midsection. He blocks a punch and slaps the thug in the face]::Thug #1: Motherfucker!::[Scene cuts to a retake of the fight scene, only with the thug replaced with a stunt double. Bullhorn punches the thug in the face before landing multiple punches to the chest and a kick to the face]::Bullhorn: Let everybody know and suckers be warned that this is the outcome when you mess with Bullhorn!

The Land of the Yodeling Mushroom People (2004)

Actors

• Robert Jardine (actor)
• Dave McCulloch (actor)
• Marvin Torwalt (actor)
• Shannon Jardine (actress)
• Shannon Jardine (actress)
• Virginia Pavo (actress)
• Shannon Jardine (producer)
• Terry Mialkowsky (producer)
• Shannon Jardine (writer)
• Terry Mialkowsky (writer)
• Bill Beatty (composer)
• Robert Jardine (composer)
• Jason Schmitz (composer)
• Terry Mialkowsky (director)
• Terry Mialkowsky (editor)

Genres

• Comedy
• Short

Taglines:

Guns! Guitars!! Fried Chicken!!!

• Lyrics: play full screen play karaoke
• Gunsmoke - Molly Hatchet
• Gunsmoke - The Coup
• Gunsmoke - Coup
• Gunsmoke - Soulja Slim
• Gunsmoke - Outlaws

Well I rode into town with my ear to the ground
Looking for the right hand to play
I felt just right in the heat of the night
I'd ridden many miles that day
I heard of a place where men got together
Playin' and layin' it down
I'm going in to win, but Lord, what a sin
I didn't know they'd gun me down
Chorus:
Gunsmoke on the horizon, hiding the setting sun
Gunsmoke on the horizon, I grabbed my horse and run
Well the dealer was blind and I was trying to find
A way to keep the winnings I'd found
The smoke was thick, the tension was thicker
I still thought they'd gun me down
Chorus:
Gunsmoke on the horizon, hiding the setting sun
Gunsmoke on the horizon, I grabbed my horse and run
I didn't come into this ol' two horse town to get all shot I've
got a little livin' on my mind
Aces and eights, ha-ha-ha-ha
Now the dealer dealt me eight and I had my straight
I knew the other men would call
The booze was a flowin', my cards were showing But
my back was up against the wall
Chorus:
Gunsmoke on the horizon, hiding the setting sun
Gunsmoke on the horizon, I grabbed my horse and run

come on let's go
put this under your belt
Chorus
Smell the gunsmoke
repeat
I be having homicide running through my mind
Don't know what's up with me
Shit fuck with me all the time
Eating at my spine
Motherfucka in my prime
How you gonna get yours
when you're too busy getting mine
Now look is this murderous criminal
coming through
if you think it's eroc then the subliminals
is working on you
there's thirty million of us buried in the fucking sludge
cant come straight from fudge
I got a bloody grudge
Dead bodies lying all around me
but the real murderers aint never got no bounty
count it coroners as we sitting as statistics
with this ass if you think this
blast is coming from my residential district
There's something that I think you should know
its the motherfucking Coup we from the eastside O
peep my flow creep by slow
see all my folks is broke
survival for the cautious and the low
get a whiff of my gunsmoke
chorus
Im getting white hairs
from the nightmares everynight
cos somebody's got a contract
on my life
im in a gang that's in an all out war
they drop me in when
they knife my umbilical cord
so it begins with a slap on the ass
now you in in the workin class, trick
you here so fast we already made your casket
while its got one buck
so the phrase gunshot
gets hella tide
cant take the only motherfuckas getting fried
skeletons deep down in the ocean
cos them slave ships had that three stop motion
coasting down fulton on the mississippi river
burning crosses and
motherfuckas saying die nigga die nigga
it all started when we start producing scratch
some of my homies got no legs attached
without no food up in the fridge
you aint go never have peace
cos with a trigger
you can finger fuck without no grease
chorus
Off to the war
repeat
I say fuck the whole judge and the jury
my mind got delirous
my eyes got blurry
had my uncle strapped to the chair
hands oxtied
breathing in gas
breathing out carbon monoxide
whole systems stacked like a loaded bowel
cos aint no billionaires on the murder trial
make the ghetto concentration camps every mile
so march your ass through the gas chambers single file
whos the biggest problem that they show on the tv?
my peoples die of starvation and TB
see me with an angry face and a beanie
cos my relationship with uncle sam is steamy
its what ive been through
im like sinecue
what i got you got to get it put it in you
the ruling class was cut throat since we fresh off the boat
show em we aint no joke
let them choke off the gunsmoke
chorus

Come on let's go
Put this under your belt
Chorus
Smell the gunsmoke
Repeat
I be having homicide running through my mind
Don't know what's up with me
Shit fuck with me all the time
Eating at my spine
Motherfucka in my prime
How you gonna get yours
When you're too busy getting mine
Now look is this murderous criminal
Coming through
If you think it's eroc then the subliminals
Is working on you
There's thirty million of us buried in the fucking sludge
Cant come straight from fudge
I got a bloody grudge
Dead bodies lying all around me
But the real murderers aint never got no bounty
Count it coroners as we sitting as statistics
With this ass if you think this
Blast is coming from my residential district
There's something that I think you should know
Its the motherfucking Coup we from the eastside O
Peep my flow creep by slow
See all my folks is broke
Survival for the cautious and the low
Get a whiff of my gunsmoke
Chorus
Im getting white hairs
From the nightmares everynight
Cos somebody's got a contract
On my life
Im in a gang that's in an all out war
They jump me in when
They knife my umbilical cord
So it begins with a slap on the ass
Now you in in the workin class, trick
You here so fast we already made your casket
While it's got one buck
So the phrase gunshot
Gets hella tide
Cant take the only motherfuckas getting fried
Skeletons deep down in the ocean
Cos them slave ships had that three stop motion
Coasting down fulton on the mississippi river
Burning crosses and
Motherfuckas saying die nigga die nigga
It all started when we start producing scratch
Some of my homies got no legs attached
Without no food up in the fridge
You aint go never have peace
Cos with a trigger
You can finger fuck without no grease
Chorus
Off to the war
Repeat
I say fuck the whole judge and the jury
My mind got delirous
My eyes got blurry
Had my uncle strapped to the chair
Hands oxtied
Breathing in gas
Breathing out carbon monoxide
Whole systems stacked like a loaded bowel
Cos aint no billionaires on the murder trial
Make the ghetto concentration camps every mile
So march your ass through the gas chambers single file
Whos the biggest problem that they show on the tv?
My peoples die of starvation and TB
See me with an angry face and a beanie
Cos my relationship with uncle sam is steamy
Its what ive been through
Im like sinecue
What i got you got to get it put it in you
The ruling class was cut throat since we fresh off the boat
Show em we aint no joke
Let them choke off the gunsmoke

nigga u can expect, nuthn but war shit,
when dat nigga soulja slim, runs it,
nigga my heart beat slow, n pump blood,
sojas been around way b4 dey had thugs,
ima give it to ya raw n tell it how it is,
im still n da battlefield, n i been real 4 years,
i stepped on bullet shells and crossed over dead bodies,
looked up to niggas like glen mets n skully(sam) so fuck gotti,
da n.o. been way bout it, b4 P(master) told ya,
im a real soja lets go to war n ima sho ya,
i dont have a damn conscience about nathan,
how ya figure, i wont cut ya throat n leave ya shakin,
down south money makin, is all a nigga kno,
niggas i use to run wit, still like to snort coke,
lay it down let da gram go aroun, yea yall get full,
me i dont fuck wit it nomo, but if i could i would,
cuz aint nuthn like dat boot up nigga, suit up nigga,
lets go n get em i got sum niggas i want shoot up nigga,
na i get high, off stacking my mail,
dodgin back of town dont want c nomo jail cells.
chorusx2 is dat, gunsmoke i smell, was dat nigga, lying or dead, from bullets n shells, is my city really living hell, do i?, gotta keep my pistol everywhere dat i dwells?
nigga my mind is made to be respected,
when ya disrespect it, dats when shit get hectic,
i flex wit automatics dat'll bend u up,
once ya in ya fucked better have ur shit clutched,
i take nuts, n have em for, souvernoirs,
brains bust but so does guts, when shit get real,
blood spilled, on da curb, of dat 3rd,
kill da connect his head deserve it, magnolia nigga words,
y is dat, dey say uptowns a cut throat area,
da same nigga dat kill ya be one of ya pallbearers,
dope fiends dont give a lully fuck bout nuthn,
u aint never been thru wat i been thru,
u aint never seen wat i seen,
street machines, dat'll take off body parts, if u get caught, slippin n da dark, by niggas dat bang n niggas dat snort,
play smart, if u want live life on light terms,

Some will lose their nerve tonight
Others lose their lives
A flash of fire in the fight
A cold look in my eyes
Passing judgement in the street
Where justice is revealed
I deal with darkness ruthlessly
I love the way it feels
Hear the roaring of the gun
Dead before the fear
Gunsmoke on the setting sun
You know the end is near
There's a shadow on my life
That's colder than the night
A chilling silence in the air
To fuel this dream of light
Dancing madly from the bar room
Where whiskey blinds my eyes
Lady luck is lonely now
Her streak has been denied
Hear the roaring of the gun
Dead before the fear
Gunsmoke on the setting sun
You know the end is near
I can hear the painful cry
That lets me know you're there
You're tryin' hard to stop me
When you know I just don't care
Another moment on your own
A life shot full of holes
I like how music pulls you in
To calm your restless soul
Hear the roaring of the gun
Dead before the fear
Gunsmoke on the setting sun
You know the end is near