Bamboo Shark (2011)

Actors

• John Allen (actor)
• Ikenna Amaechi (actor)
• Rob Ambrose (actor)
• Michael Baczor (actor)
• Aaron Badowski (actor)
• Mark Bitner (actor)
• David Boice (actor)
• Robert Boileau (actor)
• David Born (actor)
• Ted Borodaeff (actor)
• Bob Bowersox (actor)
• Garen Boyajian (actor)
• Stewart Brodian (actor)
• Jimmy Carr (actor)
• Gary Alan (actor)

Genres

• Comedy

Quotes:

Sylvester Stallone: You know, I played an overweight cop once.::Arnold Schwarzenegger: I played a Kindergarten cop.::Michael Jackson: Did somebody say Kindergarten?

Sean Connery: I'm Sean... double-O-7... I'm Sean!

Benjamin: Jesus! What, did you steal that off a horse?

Howard: That pig smells like old people.

Brooks: You know why I like movies? I like them because of the experience they bring. Reading is designed to stimulate the mind. Music is designed to alter emotions. But movies... movies are designed for one thing. To escape.

Francis Federman Ugli: Put the retard down!

Just About Famous (2010)

Actors

• John Allen (actor)
• Tim Biancalana (actor)
• David Born (actor)
• Michael Bryant (actor)
• Daniel Dzialo (actor)
• Charlie Franks (actor)
• Robert Frey (actor)
• Shaun Friedrichs (actor)
• Patsy Gilbert (actor)
• Kevin Gilger (actor)
• Richard Hampton (actor)
• Dale Leigh (actor)
• Joe Manuella (actor)
• Scott Mason (actor)
• Gary Alan (actor)

Genres

• Comedy
• Documentary
• Short

Taglines:

A film about famous people....well, almost.
Impersonation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Are you Just About Famous?

John Q (2002)

Actors

• Obba Babatundé (actor)
• Scott Bloom (actor)
• Darrin Brown (actor)
• Frank Cassavetes (actor)
• Kevin Connolly (actor)
• Phillip Craig (actor)
• Ted Demme (actor)
• Carlos Diaz (actor)
• Jeffrey Douglas (actor)
• Joe Duer (actor)
• Robert Duvall (actor)
• Colin Evans (actor)
• James Finnerty (actor)
• Eddie Griffin (actor)
• Ron Annabelle (actor)

Genres

• Crime
• Drama
• Thriller

Taglines:

Give a father no options and you leave him no choice.

Quotes:

John Q. Archibald: The hospital is under new management now! Free health care for everyone!

John Q. Archibald: I AM NOT GOING TO BURY MY SON! MY SON IS GOING TO BURY ME!

Denise: They are releasing him, now you need to do something! DO YOU HEAR ME! DO SOMETHING!

John Q. Archibald: My son is dying, and I'm broke. If I don't qualify for Medicare, WHO THE HELL DOES?

Freddy B: We got sound! Boss! We got sound!::Tuck Lampley: What about picture? We need picture!::Freddy B: Hold on boss, I'm gonna make you famous!

Lester: [laughing in realization] I get it, you a member of the Slapaho Tribe.

Mitch: This country man, can't go anywhere without getting' mugged, or murdered or stabbed. Kids killin' their classmates, drivebys, ya know, I won't even go into a post office any more.::Steve Maguire: Shut up, Mitch.::Dr. Turner: No, you shut up. I hate the little bastard but he's right. You know how easy it is to get a gun in the country? In five minutes, boom, gun show.

Denise: [to Rebecca Payne, the hospital administrator] I would tell you what I think of you, but I am a Christian woman.

Mike Archibald: No goodbye, you know I don't like goodbyes. See you later!

John Q. Archibald: Who was driving?::Mitch: Huh?::John Q. Archibald: The car. Who was driving?::Mitch: I was. What's that got to do with anything?::John Q. Archibald: Why's your girl all banged up and you're not?::Mitch: What do you call this? [shows light scratches on arm]::Lester: [laughs]::Mitch: What are you laughing at?::Lester: Somebody get this fool a band-aid. I don't want you to bleed to death.::Mitch: Screw you man. This shit hurts.::Julie Bird: His airbag went off and mine didn't.::John Q. Archibald: What kind of car do you drive?::Mitch: Mercedes 500.::John Q. Archibald: You drive a Mercedes 500? Oh. What year?::Mitch: 1986. It's a classic.::John Q. Archibald: Mercedes didn't make passenger side air-bags til 1988.::Lester: [laughs] *Busted!*

Juwanna Mann (2002)

Actors

• Kenny Albert (actor)
• Cameron Beach (actor)
• Tyrone Bogues (actor)
• Ronald Boone (actor)
• Ronald Boone (actor)
• Dustin Bullard (actor)
• Reginald Coles III (actor)
• Tommy Davidson (actor)
• Tyler Lee Davis (actor)
• Vlade Divac (actor)
• Omar J. Dorsey (actor)
• Michael Drake (actor)
• Sam Edens (actor)
• Sam Edens (actor)
• Brad Abrell (actor)

Genres

• Comedy
• Drama
• Romance
• Sport

Taglines:

The only way he can stay pro, is to play (like) a girl.

Quotes:

Puff Smokey Smoke: [to Juwanna] You are one tall glass of water and I'm thirsty.

Juwanna Mann: I'M HERE!

Vicki Sanchez: A man who sends me flowers is my type.::Latisha Jansen: Hell, bitch, someone passes you the salt, they're your type.

Latisha Jansen: Me? I like to keep it simple. Give me a good book and a good bitch and I'm straight.

Michelle Langford: Are you all right?::Latisha Jansen: I'm straight.::Michelle Langford: [laughs] No you aren't.

Coach Rivers: You see that sign up there? It says the Charlotte Banshees, not the Charlotte Juuuu-wanna!

Lorne Daniels: This is crazy. No one is gonna believe you're a woman!::Juwanna Mann: You did!::Lorne Daniels: All right. This is blackmail.::Juwanna Mann: No, it's black... FE-male!::Lorne Daniels: That's not funny.

Lorne Daniels: Nobody wants you, not even the Clippers.

Edtv (1999)

Actors

• King Alexander (actor)
• Andy Arness (actor)
• William Bagnell (actor)
• Thomas Barg (actor)
• Joe Bellan (actor)
• Charles Arthur Berg (actor)
• Mel Berger (actor)
• Geoffrey Blake (actor)
• Geoff Bolt (actor)
• Rainbow Borden (actor)
• Lombardo Boyar (actor)
• James Brooks (actor)
• Dean Chambers (actor)
• Zidu Chen (actor)
• Jonathan Adler (actor)

Genres

• Comedy

Taglines:

Fame. Be careful. It's out there.
Good morning! You're live on EDtv
The story of a nobody everybody is watching

Quotes:

Whitaker: Cynthia, another word, and you may consider yourself fired.::Cynthia: Uh-oh. Can you gimme a hint? What word? Uh, *asshole*? *Shithead*? Is that - I bet that - is that one word or two though? I never can remember that. Shithead.

Al: Don't blame your mother, I was irresistible!

Al: How about sex?::Ed: I'm sorry, Al, but I'm gonna have to pass. And it's not an age thing, 'cause you are still a handsome man.

Cynthia: We don't even have money in our budget for coffee filters. We're using a yarmulke!

Ken: Of course I stopped payment on the plugs, you gave me DOLL'S hair!

Whitaker: One more word out of you, Cynthia, and you're fired.::Cynthia: Oh, and which word would that be? Asshole? Shithead?

John: Look, Ed, you put *anybody* on television sixteen hours a day, and sooner or later they're going to fall off a table and land on a cat.

Panel member: A joyous celebration of boobery, that's what it is.

[talking about Ed's dad]::Ed: He cheated on you?::Ed's mother: Well, he had medical problems, he said the woman he was with was a nurse.::Ed: And you believed him!::Ed's mother: Well, she had white shoes.::Ed: So does Grandma! So does Sahquille O-Neil!

Al: I'm gonna go take a piss. Wish me luck.

Contact (1997)

Actors

• Behrooz Afrakhan (actor)
• Robert Aguilar Jr. (actor)
• Michael Albala (actor)
• Brian Alston (actor)
• Neil Armstrong (actor)
• Mark Bailey (actor)
• Matt Bennett (actor)
• Philippe Bergeron (actor)
• Geoffrey Blake (actor)
• Tony Boldi (actor)
• Christopher Boyer (actor)
• Todd Patrick Breaugh (actor)
• Haynes Brooke (actor)
• Jake Busey (actor)
• Jonathan Adler (actor)

Genres

• Drama
• Mystery
• Sci-Fi
• Thriller

Taglines:

Get ready to take a chance on something that just might end up being the most profoundly impactful moment for humanity, for the history... of history.
From the Academy Award-winning director of "Forrest Gump" and Pulitzer Prize-winning author of "Contact" take you on a journey to the heart of the universe
A message from deep space. Who will be the first to go? A journey to the heart of the universe.
If it's just us, it seems like an awful waste of space.
Get ready for human's biggest discovery ever!

Quotes:

Dr. Kent Clark: [Kent is blind] Nice to smell you again, Mr. Kitz.::Michael Kitz: You too.::Dr. Kent Clark: [aside] Wouldn't have pegged him as a Polo man.

David Drumlin: I know you must think this is all very unfair. Maybe that's an understatement. What you don't know is I agree. I wish the world was a place where fair was the bottom line, where the kind of idealism you showed at the hearing was rewarded, not taken advantage of. Unfortunately, we don't live in that world.::Ellie Arroway: Funny, I've always believed that the world is what we make of it.

Ellie Arroway: Occam's razor. You ever heard of it?::Palmer Joss: Hack-em's Razor. Sounds like some slasher movie.

Executive: We must confess that your proposal seems less like science and more like science fiction.::Ellie Arroway: Science fiction. Well you're right, it's crazy. In fact, it's even worse than that, nuts. [angrily slams down her briefcase and marches up to the desk] You wanna hear something really nutty? I heard of a couple guys who wanna build something called an "airplane," you know you get people to go in, and fly around like birds, it's ridiculous, right? And what about breaking the sound barrier, or rockets to the moon, or atomic energy, or a mission to Mars? Science fiction, right? Look, all I'm asking, is for you to just have the tiniest bit of vision. You know, to just sit back for one minute and look at the big picture. To take a chance on something that just might end up being the most profoundly impactful moment for humanity, for the history... of history.

Ellie Arroway: I'm okay to go! I'm okay to go! I'm okay to go...

Young Ellie: [after the funeral] CQ, this is W9GFO, do you copy? [sniff] Dad, this is Ellie, come back?... This is Eleanor Arroway, transmitting on 14.2 megahertz. [pleading] Dad, are you there? Come back? Dad, are you there? Dad, this is Ellie...

Michael Kitz: Your having sent this announcement all over the world may well constitute a breach of national security.::Ellie Arroway: This isn't a person-to-person call. You can't possibly think that a civilization sending this kind of message would intend it just for Americans.::Michael Kitz: I'm saying you might have consulted us; obviously, the contents of this message could be extremely sensitive.::Ellie Arroway: You want to classify prime numbers now?

Palmer Joss: What are you studying up there?::Ellie Arroway: Oh, the usual. Nebulae, quasars, pulsars, stuff like that. What are you writing?::Palmer Joss: The usual. Nouns, adverbs, adjective here and there.

Palmer Joss: [Ellie challenges Palmer to prove the existence of God] Did you love your father?::Ellie Arroway: What?::Palmer Joss: Your dad. Did you love him?::Ellie Arroway: Yes, very much.::Palmer Joss: Prove it.

Young Ellie: Dad, do you think there's people on other planets?::Ted Arroway: I don't know, Sparks. But I guess I'd say if it is just us... seems like an awful waste of space.

In & Out (1997)

Actors

• Peter Barmonde (actor)
• Bruce Bennetts (actor)
• Nesbitt Blaisdell (actor)
• Wilford Brimley (actor)
• Bill Camp (actor)
• Daniel B. Canton (actor)
• Kevin Chamberlin (actor)
• Larry Clarke (actor)
• John Cunningham (actor)
• Ross de Marco (actor)
• Matt Dillon (actor)
• MacIntyre Dixon (actor)
• William Duell (actor)
• Charles Dumas (actor)
• Mark Ballou (actor)

Genres

• Comedy

Taglines:

An out-and-out comedy.

Quotes:

Howard Brackett: I just came out! At my wedding!

Sonja: I don't have time. I promised to do that photo shot this afternoon. I have to shower and vomit!

[at confession]::Father Tim: Are you Catholic?::Howard: I have a friend who is... and he's very busy.

Cameron: Eat something. You look like a swizzle stick!::Sonja: You mean, food?

Aunt Becky: Gretchen, what do you have for best documentary?::Cousin Gretchen: Something 'bout Polish mine workers and their struggle to be free

[at the Academy Awards]::Glenn Close: This is Cameron's first nomination and he's in extremely good company. Tonight he joins fellow best actor nominee Paul Newman for "Coot", Clint Eastwood for "Codger", Michael Douglas for "Primary Urges" [blows him a kiss] and Steven Seagal for "Snowball in Hell".

Peter: What was Barbra Streisand's eighth album?::Howard: Color Me Barbra.::Peter: Stud!::Howard: Everybody knows that!::Peter: Everybody where? The little gay bar on the prairie?

Emily: Does anybody here know how many times I had to watch Funny Lady?::Howard: It was a sequel. She was under contract.::Emily: Fuck Barbra Streisand, and you!

Cameron: Eat something, I'm begging you! You look like a swizzle stick.::Sonja: Food?

Emily: I need a heterosexual male, CODE RED!

Mad City (1997)

Actors

• Allan A. Apone (actor)
• William Atherton (actor)
• Raymond J. Barry (actor)
• Randall Batinkoff (actor)
• Max Becker (actor)
• Norman Berry (actor)
• Dirk Blocker (actor)
• Bobby Brewer (actor)
• Stephen Brown (actor)
• J.P. Bumstead (actor)
• Chris Byrne (actor)
• Rick Camp (actor)
• Dyllan Christopher (actor)
• David Clennon (actor)
• Alan Alda (actor)

Genres

• Drama
• Thriller

Taglines:

One man will make a mistake. The other will make it a spectacle.

Quotes:

Max Brackett: Mrs. Banks, go make sure the buffalo are grazing properly.

Kevin Hollander: I'm who Americans trust for their news.::Max Brackett: You really shouldn't let a marketing slogan go your head.

Kevin Hollander: This guy's a poster child for the disenfranchised.

Max Brackett: A man has been shot; a line has been crossed.

Max Brackett: You've got to ask for a fast car, a Learjet or a Greyhound bus.

Lou Potts: Jeez, I sent you to cover a piece of fluff, and you come back with a hostage situation.

Lemke: I don't want him understood. I want him out here and arrested.

[Sam finally decide's to let the hostages go]::Kevin Hollander: [on megaphone] Sam Baily! You have 5 minutes to let the hostages go!::Sam Baily: Damn. I wanted it to be my idea.

Sam: Don't negotiate my emotions!

[last lines]::Max Brackett: We killed him.

Major League II (1994)

Actors

• Stefan Aleksander (actor)
• Markus Alexander (actor)
• Skip Apple (actor)
• Joe Aversa (actor)
• George Baker (actor)
• Matt Baumann (actor)
• Matt Baumann (actor)
• Lou Benbow (actor)
• Tom Berenger (actor)
• Corbin Bernsen (actor)
• Gary Bishop (actor)
• David Boswell (actor)
• James Boyd (actor)
• Bobby Joe Brown (actor)
• Bill Ahern (actor)

Genres

• Comedy
• Sport

Taglines:

The dream team is back!

Quotes:

Harry Doyle: So a tough loss for the Indians as Pedro Cerrano doubles off a pigeon and is tagged out while administering CPR before the tying run could score. Funny game ain't it Monty?::Monte: Well at least the bird survived.::Harry Doyle: Who cares? It's a rat with wings.

Rube Baker: Mr. Parkman, your a great ballplayer and I just like to say, your standing on the tracks and the train's coming through butthead.

[Harry is drunk when he introduces the game]::Harry Doyle: Hello, Tribe fans, welcome to Major League Baseball... sort of. The attendance today is 14 hundred and 12. Most of them left after that 10 run inning the Red Sox put up. Take over Monty, I'm in the bag.::[head hits desk]::Monte: [as the outfielder catches the ball, the crowd is disappointed] Fly ball... Caught!

Harry Doyle: He'll need a rocket up his ass to catch that one; that baby's out of here.

[Rick Vaughn is pitching to Jack Parkman during practice]::Jack Parkman: What do you call that garbage?::Rick Vaughn: It's my eliminator. I've got another pitch. You get a piece of it, I'll let you name it.::[Vaughn pitches and Parman hits the ball out of the park]::Jack Parkman: I'd, uh, call it the masturbator.

Rube Baker: Women: you can't live with them, and they can't pee standing up.

Rube Baker: Hey, Cerrano. I'm on the rooster.

Jake Taylor: Rube, you look at Playboy all the time, don't you?::Rube Baker: I don't just look at it. I read the articles.::Jake Taylor: Sure you do.::Rube Baker: I do. I especially like it when they mention the girls' interests, like Betsy loves surfing.::Jake Taylor: You even memorize them?::Rube Baker: Yep. I guess I do.::Jake Taylor: Bingo.

Jack Parkman: I'm the only winner on this team. The rest of 'em, they're losers. Either by choice, or by birth.

Rube Baker: Wow, Willie's really got some power.::Lou Brown: Off a guy who'll be bagging groceries in a couple of weeks!

Dave (1993)

Actors

• Frederic W. Barnes (actor)
• Bob Bergen (actor)
• Lexie Bigham (actor)
• Frank Birney (actor)
• Ronald Brownstein (actor)
• Dan Butler (actor)
• Paul Collins (actor)
• Chris Dodd (actor)
• Tom Dugan (actor)
• Kevin Dunn (actor)
• Robin Gammell (actor)
• F. Pierre Gatling (actor)
• Stefan Gierasch (actor)
• Charles Grodin (actor)
• Parley Baer (actor)

Genres

• Comedy
• Romance

Taglines:

In a country where anybody can become President, anybody just did
Dave Kovic was an ordinary guy who was asked to impersonate the President. When they gave him a chance to make the country better...he did.

Quotes:

[singing in the shower]::Dave: Hail to the chief / He's the one we all say "Hail" to. / We all say "Hail" / 'Cause he keeps himself so clean! / He's got the power, / That's why he's in the shower...

Bob Alexander: I'm going to kill him.::Alan Reed: You can't kill a President.::Bob Alexander: He's not a President. He's an ordinary person. I can kill an ordinary person.::Alan Reed: Bob!::Bob Alexander: I can kill a hundred ordinary people!

Ellen Mitchell: Why couldn't you die from a stroke like everyone else?

Dave Kovic: She's great. She's really exotic! She's a princess! She's Polynesian - well, half Polynesian, and half American. She's... Amnesian.

Dave: I don't want to tell some eight-year-old kid he's gotta sleep in the street because we want people to feel better about their *car*. Do *you* want to tell them that?::Secretary of Commerce: [quietly] No sir. [sits back in his seat and reflects] No I sure don't.

White House Tour Guide: And we're walking, and we're walking, and we're stopping.

Dave: According to the OMB, we have seventeen defense contractors who are delinquent in their contracts. Is this true, Frank?::Director of OMB: Uh, I believe so, yes.::Dave: So, even though they're late, we keep paying them on time?::Director of OMB: Well, in a sense... yeah.

Dave: The president and the first lady... what is that? How long has that been going on?::Duane: I can't say.::Dave: You mean, you don't know, or "you can't say"?::Duane: I can't say.

Dave: You know, I've always wondered about you guys. You know, about how you're trained to take a bullet for the president?::Duane: What about it?::Dave: Is that really true? I mean, would you let yourself be killed to save his life?::Duane: Certainly.::Dave: So, now that means you'd get killed for me too.

Alan Reed: Bob, at some point we're gonna have to call the Vice President.::Bob Alexander: Don't call the Vice President.::Alan Reed: What?::Bob Alexander: Just don't call him, Al.::Alan Reed: The guy's in a coma, Bob!::Bob Alexander: I don't give a shit.::Alan Reed: Bob!::Bob Alexander: This is mine, Alan. All mine. I made him, I built him. And no Boy Scout is going to come in here and take it away from me, just because he happens to be Vice President of the United States.

Leno, Jay Filmography

• By Any Means Necessary
  2015, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Winning: The Racing Life of Paul Newman
  2014, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Kelly Clarkson's Cautionary Christmas Music Tale
  2013, role: actor , character name: Himself
• The 70th Annual Golden Globe Awards
  2013, role: actor , character name: Himself - Presenter
• Delivery Man
  2013, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Betty White's 2nd Annual 90th Birthday
  2013, role: actor , character name: Himself
• The One and Only Des O'Connor
  2012, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Blake Shelton's Not So Family Christmas
  2012, role: actor , character name: Himself
• How to Go Faster and Influence People: The Gordon Murray F1 Story
  2012, role: miscellaneous crew
• How to Go Faster and Influence People: The Gordon Murray F1 Story
  2012, role: actor , character name: Himself - Rocket & McLaren F1 Owner
• Betty White's 90th Birthday: A Tribute to America's Golden Girl
  2012, role: actor , character name: Himself
• nWo: The Revolution
  2012, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Vanilla Ice Archive
  2012, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Tim Tebow's Wild Rise
  2012, role: actor , character name: Himself
• The Undefeated
  2011, role: actor , character name: Himself - on The Tonight Show
• The Pebble Beach Experience
  2011, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Saturday Night Live Backstage
  2011, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Boys of Bonneville: Racing on a Ribbon of Salt
  2011, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Justin Bieber: Never Say Never
  2011, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Miss Representation
  2011, role: actor , character name: Himself - Hosting the Tonight Show
• The 2011 Comedy Awards
  2011, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Katt Williams: 9 Lives
  2010, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Back from Hell: A Tribute to Sam Kinison
  2010, role: actor
• Stand Up to Cancer
  2010, role: actor , character name: Himself
• I'm Still Here
  2010, role: actor , character name: Himself
• The 1984 Los Angeles Comedy Competition with Host Jay Leno
  2010, role: actor , character name: Himself - Host
• Solartaxi: Around the World with the Sun
  2010, role: actor , character name: Himself
• The Battle for Late Night
  2010, role: actor , character name: Himself
• The 8th Annual TV Land Awards
  2010, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Under the Boardwalk: The Monopoly Story
  2010, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Exit Through the Gift Shop
  2010, role: actor , character name: Himself
• 2009 Vanity Fair Oscar Party
  2009, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Love the Beast
  2009, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Annul Victory
  2009, role: actor , character name: Himself
• The Katt Phenomenon
  2009, role: actor , character name: Himself
• WWE: Greatest Stars of the '90s
  2009, role: actor , character name: Himself
• WWE: The Rise and Fall of WCW
  2009, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Mike Douglas: Moments & Memories
  2008, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Celebrity Rides: Jay's Duesenberg
  2008, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Unstable Fables: Tortoise vs. Hare
  2008, role: actor , character name: Murray Hare
• Igor
  2008, role: actor , character name: King Malbert
• Larry the Cable Guy's Star-Studded Christmas Extravaganza
  2008, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Scooby-Doo and the Goblin King
  2008, role: actor , character name: Jack O'Lantern
• Chabad: To Life Telethon
  2008, role: actor , character name: Himself - Video Guest
• Ed & Vern's Rock Store
  2008, role: actor , character name: Himself
• His Highness Hollywood
  2008, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Speechless
  2008, role: actor , character name: Himself
• The Great Buck Howard
  2008, role: actor , character name: Jay Leno
• The P.A.
  2008, role: actor , character name: Himself
• Underdog
  2007, role: actor , character name: Himself