Edge of Heaven – review

"I'm gagging for it," Camp Gary says to his boyfriend, Bald Gary, from the double bed they share. "Fine," says Bald Gary, undoing his dressing gown and getting in.

And you're expecting them to start doing, you know, it, right? Ah, but you're wrong. Camp Gary's not gagging for that; he – they – are gagging to watch episode six of season five of True Blood, the US vampire drama. Which they do in bed, with snacks and drinks (Cabernet Sauvignon or Blue Nun, depending on who's on drinks duty).

That's how a lot of the gags – in fact, most of the gags – go in Edge of Heaven (ITV), this new seaside comedy drama. You think it's about this, but actually it's that. Hahahahaha.

"I thought they were supposed to be made for each other, like Wills and Kate," someone says, after Alfie gets dumped by Carly at the altar on what was supposed to be their day. "Brad and Angelina," someone adds. "Fred and Rosemary," chips in Grandma. West? No, "the couple that run the Margate Shell, they've been together for years." Hahahaha.

What are those birds that go around in pairs called? "Lesbians?" "No, swans." Hahahaha. It doesn't matter that no one would actually forget the word swan, it's a bird-bird joke, geddit?

At Edge of Heaven's heart is an 80s-themed guesthouse, after which it is named – the sit for the com. But to be honest, the whole thing could have been teleported from the 80s or earlier. That's how limp this feels today. It doesn't help that two of the main characters, Alfie and his mum, are played by Blake Harrison and Camille Coduri, who've both been in imaginative, original, hilarious comedies recently (The Inbetweeners and Him & Her respectively, neither on ITV). If anything, that does more to highlight the super lameness of this one. It's basically Benidorm, only set on the Costa del Kent. Margate's about the only thing that comes out of this well. It looks lovely.