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  1. BREAKING: Russian President refuses to withdraw troops after being told by self-help class you only get out what you Putin

  2. Famous Crimean last words: "Well thank God we'll never have to go through that again." - Florence Nightingale

  3. BREAKING: Vladimir Putin vows to be law-abiding citizen after realising that Crimea doesn't pay

  4. BREAKING: Vladimir Putin declares military action the last resort; Beach house in Sochi the first resort

  5. Retweeted by

    The next step after getting my journalism degree in March is getting a job as 's food taster and working my way up right?

  6. What a nefarious thing to say. “: Nefarious is a word that should be used in more news stories. Let's make it happen!!”

  7. Retweeted by

    Reverse the lesbian question; why do some gay guys go for dudes who wear make-up & act like women?

  8. Retweeted by

    The rant to kick off today...just perfect. Matt's apathy is reflection of Aus. Great angles - on the money.

  9. The has a new horribly wrong segment called "Questions you're not supposed to ask". Gimme some now using

  10. Retweeted by

    1. Wet n Wild for Manus Island 2. Nicotine-free patches 3. Gold Logie for you 4. Write next book 5. Cheers!

  11. Retweeted by

    Good to see fighting the good fight and defending Adelaide on . I'm pretty sure he is.

  12. Retweeted by

    Morning Australia! Being beamed down under by satellite shortly for breakfast telly on wth

  13. About to explain to the gang on why Wills and Kate aren't going to Melbourne. Der, because I live in SYDNEY!

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