• Lyrics: play full screen play karaoke
• Gather In The Mushrooms - Benny Hill
• Ernie (The Fastest Milkman In The West) - Benny Hill
• My Garden Of Love - Benny Hill
• Jose's Cantina - Benny Hill
• Harvest Of Love - Benny Hill
• Bernie - Benny Hill
• Benny Hill - Benny Hill
• Ting A Ling A Loo - Benny Hill
• Without Hesitation - Bone Awl
• These Days Are Marked - Bone Awl
• Pendulum - Bone Awl
• One Nothing Between - Bone Awl
• Artaud To Riviere - Bone Awl

Lucy went down on a farm, tried to milk a cow,
Though she tried she couldn't get the hang of it somehow.
The farmer looked at Lucy and murmured with a frown,
"Well you just hang on tightly, gal, and she'll jump up and down."
Chorus:
Oh, gather in the mushrooms, put 'em in a pot,
Pop 'em in the oven an serve 'em piping ho-ot.
To make herself more beautiful she thought she'd bathe in milk,
She said, "I'll have a bathful," to her milkman Jackie Wilke.
He said, "Do you want it pasturized before I pour it in?"
She said, "No, I'll be happy if it comes up to my chin."
Chorus
The farmer called at Lucy one dark and stormy night,
She said, "You are too old for me because your hair is white."
He looked into her eyes and then he knew he'd have to tell her,
"There's snow upon the roof but there's a fire in the cellar!"
Chorus
She took him in the kitchen, she was his turtle dove,
And then she started cooking dumplings on the stove.
She wore a low cut dress, oh it was as green as clover,
He jumped with glee 'cause he could see her dumplings boiling over.
Chorus
She said, "You give me half a crown I will read your palm,"
And then she saw his love line went half way up his arm.
So now she's changed her prices, although she's just as willing,
It's big fat men at two pound ten and little boys a shilling.
Oh, gather in the mushrooms, put 'em in a pot,
Pop 'em in the oven and serve 'em piping hot,
We're gonna gather in the mushrooms, put 'em in a pot,

You could hear the hoof beats pound
As they raced across the ground
And the clatter of the wheels
As they spun round and round
And he galloped into Market Street
His badge upon his chest
His name was Ernie
And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west
Now Ernie loved a widow
A lady known as Sue
She lived all alone in Linley Lane
At number twenty two
They said she was too good for him
She was haughty, proud and chic
But Ernie got his cocoa there
Three times every week
They called him Ernie (Ernie)
And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west
She said she'd like to bathe in milk
He said alright sweetheart
And when he finished work one night
He loaded up the cart
He said you wanted pasturised
Coz pasturised is best
She says Ernie I'll be happy
If it comes up to me chest
And that tickled old Ernie (Ernie)
And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west
Now Ernie had a rival
An evil looking man
Called Two Ton Ted from Teddington
And he drove the baker's van
He tempted her with his treacle tarts
And his tasty wholemeal bread
And when she saw the size
Of his hot meat pies
It very near turned her head
She nearly swooned at his macaroon
And he said now if you treat me right
You'll have hot rolls evry morning
And crumpets every night
He knew once she'd sampled his layer cake
He'd have his wicked way
And all Ernie had to offer
Was a pint of milk a day
Poor Ernie (Ernie)
And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west
One lunchtime Ted saw Ernie's horse and cart outside her door
It drove him mad to find it was still there at half past four
And as he leaped down from of his van
Hot blood through his veins did course
And he went across to Ernie's cart
And he didnarf kick his horse
Who's name was Trigger (Trigger)
And he pulled the fastest milkcart in the west
Now Ernie rushed out into the street
His goldtop in his hand
He said if you want to marry Susie
You'll fight for her like a man
Oh why don't we play cards for her
He sneeringly replied
And just to make it interesting
We'll have a shilling on the side
Now Ernie dragged him from his van
And beneath the blazing sun
They stood there face to face
And Ted went for his bun
But Ernie was to quick
Things didn't go the way Ted planned
And a strawberry flavoured youghurt
Sent it spinning from his hand
Now Sue she ran between them
And tried to keep them apart
And Ernie pushed her aside
And a rock cake caught him underneath his heart
And he looked up in pained surprise
As the concrete hardened crust
Of a stale pork pie caught him in the eye
And Ernie bit the dust
Poor Ernie (Ernie)
And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west
Ernie was only fifty-two, he didn't want to die
Now he's gone to make deliveries
In that milkround in the sky
Where the customers are angels
And ferocious dogs are banned
And a milkman's life is full of fun
In that fairy dairy land
But a woman's needs are many fold
And Sue she married Ted
But strange things happened on their wedding night
As they lay in their bed
Was that the trees a rustling
Or the hinges of the gate
Or Ernie's ghostly goldtop a rattling in their crate
They won't forget Ernie (Ernie)

The sun and the rain fell from up above
And landed on the earth below
In my garden of love
Now there’s a rose for the way my spirits rose when we met
A forget-me-not to remind me to remember not to forget
A pine tree for the way I pined over you
And an ash for the day I ashed you to be true
The sun and the rain fell from up above
And landed on the earth below
In my garden of love
Now there’s a palm tree that we planted when we had our first date
A turnip for the way you always used to turnip late
Your mother and your cousin, Chris, they often used to come
So, in their honour, I have raised a nice chris-an’-the-mum
The sun and the rain fell from up above
And landed on the earth below
In my garden of love
Now there’s a beetroot for the day you said that you’d beetroot to me
A sweet pea for the sweet way you always smiled at me
But you had friends who needed you
There was Ferdy, there was Liza
So, just for them, I put down a load of ferdy-liza
The sun and the rain fell from up above
And landed on the earth below
In my garden of love
But Gus the gardener’s left now and you went with him, too
The fungus there reminds me of the fun Gus is having with you
Now the rockery’s a mockery, with weeds it’s overgrown
The fuchsia’s gone, I couldn’t face the fuchsia all alone
And my tears fell like raindrops from the sky above

When I met you, in Rosie's Cantina,
You looked so lonesome and sad.
I bought you a drink, and I said with a wink,
Maybe things won't be so bad.
You ordered... a large champagne cocktail,
Then vodka and wine from Jerome.
And as I bought it I suddenly thought it's
No wonder that you're on your own.
You took me... across town to your place,
My eagernes I could not hide.
When we reached your floor, you closed the front door,
Tell me... why did you leave me outside...?
So I went... and sang 'neath your window,
From midnight 'til turned half past three.
Oh tell me sweet lady, sweet lady pray tell me,
What was it you emptied on me...?
I hoped... when I met you Maria,
You'd be the love of my life.
I gave you my heart, but you tore it apart,

I rise at six and then I feed the chicks,
And I'm feeling lonesome and blue,
And when I milk the cow it seems, somehow,
My thoughts keep straying to you.
And as the horse and I plough the field nearby,
Your memory I can't erase,
For while I walk at the rear of the horse, my dear,
I seem to see your face.
I'm gonna sow the seed of deep devotion, fertilize it with emotion,
Water it with warm desire and then I'll reap the harvest of love.
(Spoken)
Yes, I was happy as a pig in spite of the way that you looked at me,
When I met you at the village dance,
But you was in the ladies' excuse me at the time,
I thought I would never have a chance.
But you let me walk you home across Blatt's Meadow,
And I knew that with you I should be a hit,
'Cause I got an old cow to get up walk away,
So that you'd have somewhere nice and dry to sit.
I'm gonna sow the seed of deep devotion, fertilize it with emotion,
Water it with warm desire and then I'll reap the harvest of love.
Side by side we will take a ride,
In my horse and buggy one day,
And when the daylight ends and the night descends,
And my horse'll run out of hay,
And I will kiss your lips, those tempting lips,
The only ones that can thrill me,
And I would hold you tight 'neath the stars so bright,
If the wife ever finds out she'll kill me.
I'm gonna sow the seed of deep devotion, fertilize it with emotion,

You could hear the hoof beats pound
As they raced across the ground
And the clatter of the wheels
As they spun round and round
And he galloped into Market Street
His badge upon his chest
His name was Ernie
And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west
Now Ernie loved a widow
A lady known as Sue
She lived all alone in Linley Lane
At number twenty two
They said she was too good for him
She was haughty, proud and chic
But Ernie got his cocoa there
Three times every week
They called him Ernie (Ernie)
And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west
She said she'd like to bathe in milk
He said alright sweetheart
And when he finished work one night
He loaded up the cart
He said you wanted pasturised
Coz pasturised is best
She says Ernie I'll be happy
If it comes up to me chest
And that tickled old Ernie (Ernie)
And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west
Now Ernie had a rival
An evil looking man
Called Two Ton Ted from Teddington
And he drove the baker's van
He tempted her with his treacle tarts
And his tasty wholemeal bread
And when she saw the size
Of his hot meat pies
It very near turned her head
She nearly swooned at his macaroon
And he said now if you treat me right
You'll have hot rolls evry morning
And crumpets every night
He knew once she'd sampled his layer cake
He'd have his wicked way
And all Ernie had to offer
Was a pint of milk a day
Poor Ernie (Ernie)
And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west
One lunchtime Ted saw Ernie's horse and cart outside her door
It drove him mad to find it was still there at half past four
And as he leaped down from of his van
Hot blood through his veins did course
And he went across to Ernie's cart
And he didnarf kick his horse
Who's name was Trigger (Trigger)
And he pulled the fastest milkcart in the west
Now Ernie rushed out into the street
His goldtop in his hand
He said if you want to marry Susie
You'll fight for her like a man
Oh why don't we play cards for her
He sneeringly replied
And just to make it interesting
We'll have a shilling on the side
Now Ernie dragged him from his van
And beneath the blazing sun
They stood there face to face
And Ted went for his bun
But Ernie was to quick
Things didn't go the way Ted planned
And a strawberry flavoured youghurt
Sent it spinning from his hand
Now Sue she ran between them
And tried to keep them apart
And Ernie pushed her aside
And a rock cake caught him underneath his heart
And he looked up in pained surprise
As the concrete hardened crust
Of a stale pork pie caught him in the eye
And Ernie bit the dust
Poor Ernie (Ernie)
And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west
Ernie was only fifty-two, he didn't want to die
Now he's gone to make deliveries
In that milkround in the sky
Where the customers are angels
And ferocious dogs are banned
And a milkman's life is full of fun
In that fairy dairy land
But a woman's needs are many fold
And Sue she married Ted
But strange things happened on their wedding night
As they lay in their bed
Was that the trees a rustling
Or the hinges of the gate
Or Ernie's ghostly goldtop a rattling in their crate
They won't forget Ernie (Ernie)

The sun and the rain fell from up above
And landed on the earth below
In my garden of love
Now there’s a rose for the way my spirits rose when we met
A forget-me-not to remind me to remember not to forget
A pine tree for the way I pined over you
And an ash for the day I ashed you to be true
The sun and the rain fell from up above
And landed on the earth below
In my garden of love
Now there’s a palm tree that we planted when we had our first date
A turnip for the way you always used to turnip late
Your mother and your cousin, Chris, they often used to come
So, in their honour, I have raised a nice chris-an’-the-mum
The sun and the rain fell from up above
And landed on the earth below
In my garden of love
Now there’s a beetroot for the day you said that you’d beetroot to me
A sweet pea for the sweet way you always smiled at me
But you had friends who needed you
There was Ferdy, there was Liza
So, just for them, I put down a load of ferdy-liza
The sun and the rain fell from up above
And landed on the earth below
In my garden of love
But Gus the gardener’s left now and you went with him, too
The fungus there reminds me of the fun Gus is having with you
Now the rockery’s a mockery, with weeds it’s overgrown
The fuchsia’s gone, I couldn’t face the fuchsia all alone
And my tears fell like raindrops from the sky above

Now if you're feeling miserable, if you're feeling blue,
Here's a little ditty that'll help to pull you through,
All the clouds will disappear, the grey skies turn to blue:
Just stick your finger in your ear and go ting-a-ling-a-loo.
Now suppose you've got the fell pest, the gout and goose's cough,
A severe attack of hiccups and your kneecap's just dropped off,
The surgeon says "We'd operate, but the anaesthetic's gone,"
You just look up and smile at him and say "You carry on."
"I'll stick me finger in me ear and go ting-a-ling-a-loo,
Me finger in me ear and go ting-a-ling-a-loo,
I'll just be like Nelson at the Battle of Waterloo,
I'll stick me finger in me ear and go ting-a-ling-a-loo."
Now in '14 and in '39, war raised it's ugly head,
The bombs they fell on England, and one fell on my shed,
But we fought and beat the Germans 'cos we knew just what to do:
We stuck our fingers in our ears and went ting-a-ling-a-loo.
Prince Philip said "Get your fingers out" and that cut me to the quick,
We got our fingers out, but that didn't do the trick;
So follow your true leaders with all your might and main:
Be like Jenkins, Heath and Wilson and stick 'em back again!
Oh stick your finger in your ear and go ting-a-ling-a-loo,
Your finger in your ear and go ting-a-ling-a-loo,
Remember what old Gladstone said in 1892:

The weapon is revealed
instantly without
hesitation
the threat exclaimed
Immediately
it's white face protrudes
it's eyes making contact
from sunken far back
Using seconds
in the same manner
as using minutes
and hours
Every moment
it's in intense
dedication

Marked, Labelled
ruined before us
These, days
have writing all over them
These days
have passed before
Passing again
marked in second hand
The penmanship
is recognizable
some of it

It does not
gain speed
the speed is
forever steady
It passes across
a division
one side cannot
know the other
There might be the impression
of screaming in the distance
but you can never be sure
if what you heard was real
When it crosses
the division
it might
be possible
.....that sounds
...may slip through
....the gap
.... which is created
MATTER CANNOT PASS
what matters cannot pass
MATTER CANNOT PASS

Tiredness is next
to man's marvelousness
Next to each other
One feels sick
One has grown big
Age comes naturally
He has become
Older again
One has been bitten
And looks back to see
One Nothing Between
His arm & those teeth
You know nothing
is something too
big to imagine
Awaken Between
One nothing between
Yourself & its spirit
Pain has become

"I suffer from a fearful mental disease
my thoughts abandon me at every stage
thus whenever I am able to grasp a form
however imperfect I hold on to it
there is one single thing
which destroys my ideas
something which does not stop me
being what I migh
but if I may express it thus
leaves me in a state of suspense
something furtive which robs me
of the words I've found
the star eats tilted sky
begins its flight towards peaks
night sweeps up the scraps
of our gratifying meal
how could we distinguish
normal mechanisms
if we were not
temporarily deprived of them
a consolation to those
who experience death in small doses
they are the only ones