Return period

NOW AVAILABLE at www.rifftrax.com Return of the Jedi. For sixteen years, it was widely regarded as the worst chapter in the Star Wars saga. We now look back upon this period of time, appalled and embarrassed at how naive we were. For while Return of the Jedi may be slow to get started, while it may delay the final confrontation between Luke and Vader in favor of an endless Ewok/Stormtrooper battle, while it may feature C3PO as its main character for the first twenty minutes and while it may have killed off Salacious Crumb instead of making him the focus of the entire movie, consider this: nobody utters the line "Yippee". Return of the Jedi begins where The Empire Strikes Back left off: with George Lucas deciding which scenes to ruin by inserting a musical number by a hideous creature named Sy Snootles, who sounds like Disembaudio did before he took singing lessons. The dance scene is vital to the plot: how were we, the audience members supposed to know whether or not Jedi rocked, unless there was a song included in the movie named "Jedi Rocks"? Yes, the song is sung in a foreign tongue and the only way you'd know it was called "Jedi Rocks" was if you bought the soundtrack, but ignoring those irrelevant points, we can finally conclude after watching six episodes of Star Wars, a task that would take up well over half of one day of your life, that Jedi do in fact, Rock. Fans of puppets, Hutts and metal bikinis: your ship has come in. Cancel your weekend trip to the Great Pit <b>...</b>