Famous quotes by Jo Brand:

"If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat?"

"British ferries have stopped transporting live animals to the Continent. This has made it very difficult for England fans to get to away matches."

"Anything is good if it's made of chocolate."

"How do you know if it's time to wash the dishes and clean your house? Look inside your pants. If you find a penis in there, it's not time."

"I remember when Victoria Wood started to come through, and I thought she was great, though she and I are very different in our approach."

"I like the purity of stand-up because it is all about whether people laugh at your jokes. Either they laugh or they don't."

"I have a utilitarian approach to dressing; as long as I quite like it and it covers me up, I don't care what it is."

"Who do I like? I am a big fan of French and Saunders - not that that they are particularly stand-up I have to say, but I think they have been great for women and they are of themselves just incredibly funny whether they are male or female."

"There are comics who treat women fairly appallingly. But I can be great friends with them because I don't tend to do that ticking of boxes: it can make life too simplistic."

"It's got too much hard work slapping them and telling them to shut up."

"One of the guys that used to run it - for some reason I've no idea why he used to call me the Sea Monster and I was just looking around for a name and thought that'll do. That lasted for a couple of years probably."

"It's actually very hard when you're settled in one place to completely uproot yourself and go."

"I wasn't one of those hideous children who make their parents sit through hour-long performances when you're seven. I didn't do anything like that thankfully."

"I made a supreme effort not to do that thing that parents do, which is to bore people without children to death by going on and on about how funny their children are, so there's none of that hopefully."

"So, my style has hopefully changed over the years and it is more relaxed, and I do tend to smile and have more than one expression these days hopefully - which I didn't at the beginning."

"Even when I wasn't overweight I was never one of those girls or women who wanted to look nice. I always thought it wasn't important."

"There have been some very extreme hecklers in audiences whose bile was so hateful and so meant that it would be a bit frightening to think that all I'm doing is jokes and yet someone hates me that much."

"By crying on my bed, drinking quite a lot and feeling tempted by drugs. Well, just not reading it to be perfectly honest with you. I know it's a bit of a copout."

"I like men. They are hugely entertaining, but they have a lot of shortcomings and you just have to bear those in mind."

"My mum always felt that women deserved as much as men, and should have as much power, so I suppose I opted to go into a very male-dominated arena to try and prove that."

• Lyrics: play full screen play karaoke
• Freedom To Stay - Jay Berndt
• Black Rose - Jay Berndt

I told my...
Shoot my... from the floor
You wished you was sleeping
As I stood at the door
Once more is here
God only knows where
That's what it hit me
I was already there
Chorus:
I... thousand miles and more
Never find a... I've seen you arise me for
Give me the freedom to go my whole way
But she gave me much more
You gave me the freedom to stay
Walk it on room
You're too... wish on star
Searching for heaven
Well I know where you are
Laugh is just empty when you walk alone
So river where going girl
Lord is good to be hold
Chorus:
I... thousand miles and more
Never find a... I've seen you arise me for
Give me the freedom to go my whole way
But she gave me much more

Way down in the June
... of sugar came
... hand
In a roads of a different name
When the first time I feel...
I was standing in the...
When the... and the... jail
In the rose of a different name
Chorus:
... the table made the first...
Second time... my own
I believe that... goes around
Com'on!
When the devil made that...
... away
She was... with the... me
... everyday
Way down deep dirty
I cross the double side the...
I call the paint... with the bottle gin
With the rose of a different name
Because the devil made the... first time
Second time... my own
Believe... goes alone