No matter how much we were in love with each other, there will come a time when we think to ourselves: "I love my husband or spouse, but I don’t feel in love." In fact many people come to a place where they may even say, "I don’t think I love my spouse anymore." The reason is quite simple. Most of us get married to be loved, not to learn how to love. I know you are probably reacting to that statement. I was convinced I was the best person in the whole world to love my wife. God had given her to me and I was the one who could love her best. I soon discovered there were some things my wife did that I did not know how to love. I soon discovered that my love was selfish. Along with my attempts to love her came my disappointment when she did not love me the way I expected. I discovered my love was rooted in selfishness. Our reasons for marriage usually have some flavor of selfishness, usually because we believe we will be better off, they will provide for me, they will give me what I need. Any marriage that begins with some semblance of selfishness (don’t they all?) will be in for some kind of adjustment. At some point your spouse will fail to do something which we expected or counted on. At some point we will encounter disappointment and even hurt because something we counted on did not get done. Marriage confronts our biggest sin – Pride. We all bring pride into our marriage, and because of our pride, we have expectations and those expectations will be disappointed, because our spouse also has pride and selfishness. Melittledina posted this on askmehelpdesk forum, where you can ask experts anything: I've been with my spouse for now 5 1/2 years. We have two girls. Oldest is 4 years old and the youngest is 2 years old. I am UNHAPPY in my relationship. The first year we where together, when I was pregnant with are first, I discovered that he was sending pornographic photos of himself and his ex-girl-friend on the internet "Live sex chat". I forgave him. After, I discovered that he stole money that we had for the rent and lied to me about it until I caught him red handed. I forgave him. After, I discovered that he stole his best friend’s credit card. I forgive him. After I discovered that he stole money from his boss at work and he lost his job. I forgive him. Last October, I got a phone call from another woman. HE CHEATED on me! I left him. After 1 week, he tried to kill himself, so AGAIN I forgive him. I am so tired!!! I think today that I am with him only for my children... He is a good father to them. But I can’t live like this anymore. I've been thinking of cheating on him to get revenge but that won’t work. I just want him out of my life… The experts told 'melittledina' she needs to divorce her no-good husband for the protection of the children. Obviously Christ was not in their family. Even if 'Melittledina' had been a Christian, she probably would have divorced her husband. She had discovered that he had serious character flaws. He was not meeting her expectations. She still loved him, but she was no longer in love...she wanted out of the marriage. She had married for love, but she did not marry to learn how to love such a seriously flawed man. Most of us enter marriage with dreams and expectations. At one time we were active in our love for our spouse. Then, like 'melittledina', we start to see character flaws, some very serious. Then, disappointment, hurt, and bitterness build up stumblingblocks to our love. What happened to my "Soul-Mate" The truth is that we have this concept of “soul-mate” floating around our sub-conscious. Plato taught this before Christ was born, that somehow our souls were torn in two and there is someone out there with the other half of our soul. We get married because we think we have found our “soul-mate” and it is just so easy being around them. We have fun, we laugh, there is nothing forced about our relationship. We genuinely believe we have found the one God meant us to be married to the rest of our lives. Love is largely a feeling that produces long conversations, walks in the park, long slow kisses, and gentle touches. Our feelings are magnified to the 'nth' degree. We are constantly floating on clouds. Then we get married and life happens. Life is not easy, it is very difficult. The clouds evaporate, the long slow kisses become short little pecks, the walks in the park become falling asleep on the couch. After months or years, as our disappointment grows and the trials increase, we find ourselves wondering about our “love” and where it went. You tell your friends that you still love your spouse, but the love has changed. The feelings are not there. You wonder about this “soul-mate” thing, especially when days go by without intimacy or involved conversation. "Bride to Be" becomes the "Bride that Was" Do you know the difference between the bride to be and the bride that was? It’s not the veil, or the dress. It’s your att

Fourth Sermon in our "Sacred Marriage" series based upon the book "Sacred Marriage" by Gary Thomas While at Baptist Bible College it was common to have conversations with a friend about some gal that had captured their heart and now they were considering asker her to marry them. My standard reply was to imagine falling into a dark bottomless pit and all the way down you could see the words flashing in neon "Forever Forever Forever" It was a not so subtle reference to the bottomless pit that Satan will be cast into one day. There would be an occasional chuckle, or nervous laugh, but the truth was in our minds that marriage was a serious undertaking that impacted the rest of your life. In 1870 a wife would be lucky if her husband lived past the time the youngest child left home. In 1911 the average marriage lasted 28 years. By 1967 that average had reached 42 years. Paul Harvey got to the point that he wouldn't even mention your anniversary unless it was 60 and most of the time 70 years of marriage. Now 70 years of marriage would seem like an eternity to most folks. But with medical care advancing, if a couple stays together, it is no big deal anymore to see at least their 50th anniversary. We have at least three folks in our church that have been married over 60 years. What this means is that you hae an opportunity to build a real history with each other. Now with digital cameras, you might be able to remember it all. HISTORY AS A TIMELINE: With our American brains we see time as a line with various dates and events marked on it. It is a linear view of history. Time is the determiner of when things happen. We got married May 18 1974. We had children on such and such a date, we bought this house on a certain date, we sold and bought another house, etc. The kids went to this school at such and such a date, graduated from High School College etc. Everything fits on the timeline of our life. BIBLICAL VIEW OF TIME AND HISTORY To understand how marriages have the opportunity to enjoy “Sacred History” it would be helpful to understand a Biblical view of History. This is where an understanding of ancient Jewish view of History comes into play. The ancient Hebrew perception of time was not abstract like our modern view; instead, it was connected to the idea of specific events, and because of this event specific orientation the people of Israel "found the idea of a time without a particular event quite inconceivable" [Von Rad, v. 2, page 100]. So, for the ancient Jews the concept of "time" was understood only in relation to particular events: There is a time of giving birth (Mic. 5:2), a time for animals to be gathered together (Gen. 29:7), a time when kings go forth to battle (II Sam. 11:1). The tree yields its fruit 'in its time' (Ps. I. 3), and God gives his creatures food 'in due time' (Ps. CIV. 27); that is to say, every event has its definite place in the time-order; the event is inconceivable without its time... [Von Rad, v. 2, page 100]. Psalm 31:15 which reads, "My times are in thy hands" [KJV,RSV]. The Jews of David’s time did not think of time like we do, they viewed life as being made of many times, or a series of times. BIBLICAL JEWS SAW GOD AS THE LORD OF HISTORY Specifically, the Jews saw time as a series of specific events initiated by God. Time did not exist as an independent reality, but existed only in relation to divinely initiated events. I will use my wife as an example of how the Jews viewed history. My wife views our history not by dates but by whom she was pregnant with at the time. I’ll mention a partucular event and say when did that happen and she’ll say – well it had to be so and so year because Redeptshe was pregnant with Tonya or somebody else. If it happened when she wasn’t pregnant with any one, she can’t remember it or can’t recall the year. Her concept of time is totally event related. All of their festivals and observances celebrated a redemptive act of God. The exact time was not important, but their celebration and identifying with what God did was important. I believe in heaven that time will cease to exist. We will simply live in events in happenings. We’ll be able to participate in the crossing of the Red Sea. We’ll be able to watch as Jesus feeds the multiture. We’ll watch as Peter walks and then falls into the Sea. We’ll watch as Jesus rescues him. It won’t be a movie, it will be the real thing. Time will cease to exist, and we will be totally event oriented. It will be totally about seeing how God has redeemed us and mde us trophies of His grace. GOD’S RELATIONSHIP WITH ISRAEL Karl Barth (a famous theologian) was challenged by an atheist to prove the existence of God. His reply was quite simple - the Jew. For over 4000 years the Jews have kept a separate identity while all the other races of man came and went. Yet the Jewish people with their worship of Yahweh has continued on in spite of losing their land, being persecuted in coun