RoseAnn Filmography

• Raw (2001)

Roseanne

'Roseanne' is the story of a working class family struggling with life's essential problems: Marriage, Children, Money and Parents in Law. A classic sitcom, the story circles around the Connor family - a family of five (DJ, Darlene, Becky, Roseanne and Dan). The household's mother, Roseanne, is being accompanied in her quest to keep the family together by her sister Jackie and various friends over the years.

Cast

• John Goodman
• Roseanne Barr
• Laurie Metcalf
• Sara Gilbert
• Alicia Goranson
• Michael Fishman
• Sarah Chalke
• Natalie West
• Johnny Galecki
• Michael O'Keefe
• Estelle Parsons
• Glenn Quinn
• Martin Mull
• Cole Roberts

• Season 1
• Episode 1: Life and Stuff
  Miss Crane: Your daughter barks.::Roseanne Conner: Our whole family barks....
• Episode 2: We're in the Money
  Dan: I am drywall Master of the Universe! Ahhhhhhhh! Ahhhhhhhh!...
• Episode 3: D-I-V-O-R-C-E
  Jackie Harris: [while reading a newspaper] Roseanne, listen to this. "Utah Housewife Stabs Husband 3...
• Episode 4: Language Lessons
  Dan Conner: Rosie, is my chili too bland?::Roseanne Conner: Absolutely not! Your chili is just like ...
• Episode 5: Radio Days
  Roseanne Conner: [about a song-writing contest Dan entered] Yes, we're gonna win that contest. Then ...
• Episode 6: Lovers Lanes
  Sylvia Foster: I could use some "manhood" myself.::Crystal Anderson: Sylvia!::Sylvia Foster: Well wh...
• Episode 7: The Memory Game
  Dan hires a photographer to take a family portrait at the house for an upcoming high school reunion....
• Episode 8: Here's to Good Friends
  Crystal Anderson: Roseanne, you got something for a headache?::Roseanne: Yeah, three screaming kids....
• Episode 9: Dan's Birthday Bash
  Becky: ... Chip and his Mom are going to pick me up, and I have to figure out what to wear.::Darlene...
• Episode 10: Saturday
  Roseanne's first real life husband Bill Pentland appears in this episode as Freddy, one of Dan's bud...
• Episode 11: Canoga Time
  Becky: Why don't you just kiss my butt?::Darlene: Well, haul it on over here, Jumbo!...
• Episode 12: The Monday Thru Friday Show
  Dan: [about Becky's loud music] Would you please turn that down? I'm trying to watch the game.::Beck...
• Episode 13: Bridge Over Troubled Sonny
  In this episode 'Josh C. Williams' (qv) plays the role of Crystal Anderson's son Lonnie Anderson. Th...
• Episode 14: Father's Day
  Ed Conner: [to Roseanne after giving the kids their gifts] Yours is in the mail.::Roseanne: Oh Ed, y...
• Episode 15: Nightmare on Oak Street
  Roseanne Conner: So what is it?::Darlene Conner: [beat] I got my period, alright?...
• Episode 16: Mall Story
  Becky: Mom, Darlene and DJ are killing each other out there.::Roseanne: What's the bad news?...
• Episode 17: Becky's Choice
  USA...
• Episode 18: The Slice of Life
  Roseanne: [when Roseanne and Dan are contacting their insurance at the hospital while Darlene was ha...
• Episode 19: Workin' Overtime
  Jackie Harris: Roseanne, are you okay?::Roseanne Conner: No I'm not okay! I mean I tried to be okay,...
• Episode 20: Toto, We're Not in Kansas Anymore
  [During a tornado]::Roseanne: What's the worst that can happen? So the tornado picks up our house an...
• Episode 21: Death and Stuff
  Roseanne Conner: [feeling for the man's pulse] I think he's dead.::Dan Conner: [steps back] Check ag...
• Episode 22: Dear Mom and Dad
  Darlene Conner: You guys think we don't get your corny, little sex jokes.::Roseanne Conner: Hey, you...
• Episode 23: Let's Call It Quits
  Keith Faber: How long you been here, anyway?::Roseanne Conner: Long enough.::Keith Faber: Your, uh, ...
• Season 2
• Episode 1: Inherit the Wind
  Darlene: Well, just as Becky completes the line, "I'd like to thank the student council for allowing...
• Episode 2: Little Sister
  Dan Conner: [about to sit down to breakfast] Hey, we missing an offspring?::Roseanne Conner: Yeah, w...
• Episode 3: Guilt by Disassociation
  Roseanne Conner: Phil, he works over there at, ah, Garvin Meat Packing plant, and he got me an inter...
• Episode 4: Somebody Stole My Gal
  Roseanne Conner: [Darlene goes to answer the door bell] Hey, Darlene, you're on your best behavior.:...
• Episode 5: House of Grown-Ups
  USA...
• Episode 6: Five of a Kind
  USA...
• Episode 7: BOO!
  Jackie Harris: Roseanne, do you remember Mrs. Osmand?::Roseanne Conner: Oh yeah, she was scary.::Bec...
• Episode 8: Sweet Dreams
  USA...
• Episode 9: We Gather Together
  USA...
• Episode 10: Brain-Dead Poets Society
  Darlene Conner: [Poem Darlene wrote for English, and had to read out loud on 'Culture Night'] To Who...
• Episode 11: Lobocop
  USA...
• Episode 12: No Talking
  Becky: Is this supposed to be dinner?::Roseanne: No, this is the cocktail hour before dinner!...
• Episode 13: Chicken Hearts - Chicken Hearts
  Jackie Harris: Dan's going to be here and you're always saying how tactless he is.::Dan Conner: Hey ...
• Episode 14: One for the Road
  Becky: [Becky is having a hangover] I think I'm going to die....
• Episode 15: An Officer and a Gentleman
  USA...
• Episode 16: Born to Be Wild
  USA...
• Episode 17: Hair
  Jackie Harris: [comes in through the front door] Roseanne, you all ready to go?::Roseanne Conner: [w...
• Episode 18: I'm Hungry
  Crystal Anderson: [laughs] Roseanne doesn't have to worry about keeping slim, Dan's crazy about her ...
• Episode 19: All of Me
  USA...
• Episode 20: To Tell the Truth
  USA...
• Episode 21: Fender Bender
  Mrs. Wellman: [a week after hitting Roseanne with her car] Well, my attorney didn't tell me that she...
• Episode 22: April Fool's Day
  Roseanne: Hey, take my word for it. By midnight tonight, the taxes will be filed, and all this will ...
• Episode 23: Fathers and Daughters
  Dan: Amazing! 200 miles away, and your parents can still ruin a weekend....
• Episode 24: Happy Birthday
  Dan Conner: You know, Stephen King started out like this....
• Season 3
• Episode 1: The Test
  Becky Conner: You did forget, I can't believe it!::Dan Conner: [to Darlene] A little help.::Darlene ...
• Episode 2: Friends and Relatives
  Roseanne Conner: [Becky has complained that DJ walked in on her] Look me in the eye and tell me it w...
• Episode 3: Like a Virgin
  Becky: [re: birth control] But doesn't all that stuff, like, kill the mood?::Roseanne: Not as much a...
• Episode 4: Like, a New Job
  Darlene Conner: [Becky is deliberately blocking the TV] Becky, I can't see.::Becky Conner: Oh, I'm s...
• Episode 5: Good-bye, Mr Right
  Jackie Harris: [describing how she got injured in the line of duty]... and that's when things got ug...
• Episode 6: Becky, Beds and Boys
  Mark Healy: Well, you think you can stop me from seeing Becky, huh?::Dan Connor: I think I can stop ...
• Episode 7: Trick or Treat
  Roseanne Conner: D.J., instead of a witch, you wanna dress up like Madonna?...
• Episode 8: PMS, I Love You
  Jackie Harris: [Roseanne has PMS] Are you sure?::Dan Conner: Jackie, I have been through this for 17...
• Episode 9: Bird Is the Word
  Becky Conner: [after getting busted for lying about flipping the bird] I can't believe this! You guy...
• Episode 10: Dream Lover
  Roseanne: [about D.J.] You know, of all the people in the world to have as a role-model, our kid has...
• Episode 11: Do You Know Where Your Parents Are?
  Dan: [the girls missed curfew again] We said 9:00, we meant 9:00.::Roseanne: Yeah, 'cause see, we ha...
• Episode 12: Confessions
  Roseanne: Do you think that I, ahhhhhh, expect more out of Becky, than I do out of you?::Darlene: I ...
• Episode 13: The Courtship of Eddie, Dan's Father
  Dan Conner: I'm not going to the wedding.::Roseanne Conner: Yes you are. You're the best man and I'm...
• Episode 14: The Wedding
  Part 2 of 2. Roseanne throws Crystal a bridal shower and discovers yet another secret. Ed desperatel...
• Episode 15: Becky Doesn't Live Here Anymore
  Dan Conner: [Roseanne and Jackie are standing outside the front door and overhear Dan and Becky shou...
• Episode 16: Home-Ec
  Dan: [to the father of a kid who was beating up D.J. at school] Whoa, settle down or I'll give my wi...
• Episode 17: Valentine's Day
  USA...
• Episode 18: Communicable Theater
  USA...
• Episode 19: Vegas Interruptus
  The exterior shot of the plane that Roseanne and Dan are on is from the film _Airport (1970)_ (qv)...
• Episode 19: Vegas Interrupts
• Episode 20: Her Boyfriend's Back
  Becky's boyfriend Mark is certainly not popular around the Conner house when Dan learns he and Becky...
• Episode 21: Trouble with the Rubbles
  Roseanne: I'm a better person! I'm a better person! I'm a better person!... Hope I don't kill her!...
• Episode 22: Second Time Around
  Crystal Anderson-Conner: [talking about determining the sex Crystal's unborn baby] This is stupid.::...
• Episode 23: Dances with Darlene
  Darlene: [repeating to Becky, her mother's comments about dresses Darlene is trying on for a dance, ...
• Episode 24: Scenes from a Barbecue
  Becky: [about Mother's Day] Well, what about us? I don't remember us getting, like, a Kid's Day.::Da...
• Episode 25: The Pied Piper of Lanford
  USA...
• Season 4
• Episode 1: A Bitter Pill to Swallow
  Crystal Anderson-Conner: [about Crystal's baby] Well, why won't he sleep? I've tried everything, eve...
• Episode 2: Take My Bike, Please!
  Roseanne: [on the phone with the bank about a loan payment check she "forgot" to sign] ...Oh, oh you...
• Episode 3: Why Jackie Becomes a Trucker
  Chuck Mitchell: [Leon has just told the poker group that he's gay] W-W-Well, y-y-you know, um, I-I-I...
• Episode 4: Darlene Fades to Black
  Darlene: Please, Mom, I don't want you to help me, I just want you to leave me alone... Please....
• Episode 5: Tolerate Thy Neighbor
  Becky: So you aced the driving part, huh?::Jackie: Yeah, yeah. You'd be surprised how courteous peop...
• Episode 6: Trick Me Up, Trick Me Down
  Jerry Bowman: [talking about a Halloween prank Dan and Roseanne pulled on Kathy earlier] Oh boy, I g...
• Episode 7: Vegas
  Nancy Bartlett: [announcing her engagement] It's official: I'm settling for Arnie....
• Episode 8: Vegas, Vegas
  Roseanne: Marriage stinks, with a capital SUCK!...
• Episode 9: Stressed to Kill
  Roseanne: We're talking about *me* now, Dan....
• Episode 10: Thanksgiving 1991
  Nana Mary: Oh my aching butt....
• Episode 11: Kansas City, Here We Come
  USA...
• Episode 12: Santa Claus
  Sammy Miller: [after Rosanne, dressed as Santa asks what he wants for Christmas] A BB Gun!::Roseanne...
• Episode 13: Bingo
  [Darlene and Becky are babysitting]::Darlene: I'll feed, you wipe....
• Episode 14: The Bowling Show
  Duke: Any of you ladies have a request?::Bonnie Watkins: How 'bout doing the dishes once in a while?...
• Episode 15: The Back Story
  Becky: [Jackie asks about Becky's job to change the dinner conversation subject] Oh. Um, well they m...
• Episode 16: Less Is More
  [after a doctor describes a breast reduction procedure, both Roseanne and Jackie have their arms cro...
• Episode 17: Breakin' Up Is Hard to Do
  Dan: [talking about Becky's date, Dean, the transition guy] Well, at least I'll know what to do when...
• Episode 18: This Old House
  Roseanne: [Darlene and David race downstairs when Roseanne and Jackie come in the front door] Hey!::...
• Episode 19: The Commercial Show
  D.J.: What's a virgin?::Darlene: You in forty years....
• Episode 20: Therapy
  USA...
• Episode 21: Lies
  Mr. Evans: [asking Roseanne about Leon, during a lie-detector test for Rodbells] Have you seen him e...
• Episode 22: Deliverance
  Roseanne: [after Dan comes back from "fixing" Crystal's thermostat] You just replaced that thermosta...
• Episode 23: Secrets
  D.J.: [besides playing video games] There's nothing else to do.::Jackie: Aw, sure there is! When you...
• Episode 24: Don't Make Me Over
  Dan: [the girls bought Roseanne a make-over on Mothers' Day in hopes she would let them go to a conc...
• Episode 25: Aliens
  Dan: [on the phone, sucking up to a banker/friend; he covers the mouth-piece and asks Roseanne] Whic...
• Season 5
• Episode 1: Terms of Estrangement: Part 1
  Becky: [about school] I'm not going. You'll have to get yourself to detention today.::Darlene Conner...
• Episode 2: Terms of Estrangement: Part 2
  Darlene: [saying good-bye] I love you, Becky.::Becky: I love you, Darlene.::Darlene: [with a straigh...
• Episode 3: The Dark Ages
  D.J.: I'm bored.::Darlene: And stupid. Don't forget stupid....
• Episode 4: Mommy Nearest
  Roseanne: [Roseanne's Mom is moving nearby] Dan, she needs to be near her family now!::Dan: No she d...
• Episode 5: Pretty in Black
  USA...
• Episode 6: Looking for Loans in All the Wrong Places
  Nancy: Thank God we all brought our ovaries with us....
• Episode 7: Halloween IV
  Jackie Harris: Did you see the Great Pumpkin last night?::Roseanne: No, Dan wore pajamas....
• Episode 8: Ladies' Choice
  Darlene: [Roseanne tells Darlene that Nancy is gay] Whoa! How did you find out? Did she tell you?::R...
• Episode 9: Stand on Your Man
  Arnie Thomas: [running from Roseanne] Call her off, Dan! Call her off!::Dan: You gotta appreciate my...
• Episode 10: Good Girls, Bad Girls
  Ty Tilden: Ah man... daughters. They oughta come with a handbook.::Dan: Yeah, so you can smack 'em w...
• Episode 11: Of Ice and Men
  The title references 'John Steinbeck' (qv)'s novel "Of Mice and Men"....
• Episode 12: It's No Place Like Home for the Holidays
  USA...
• Episode 13: Crime and Punishment
  Dan Conner: You know Deeje, it's ironic. You're a kid, you're not supposed to have any problems. You...
• Episode 14: War and Peace
  Jackie Harris: This is weird. I hate going to the Emergency Room, reminds me of the pussy-willow. Re...
• Episode 15: Lanford Daze
  Dan: Do I still have a tie?::Roseanne: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Come again?::Dan: A tie. One of those long ...
• Episode 16: Wait till Your Father Gets Home
  [first lines]::D.J.: I'm gonna be twelve! I don't want any more babysitters! Becky and Darlene were ...
• Episode 17: First Cousin, Twice Removed
  Ronnie: Ooohhh, we all know what this is about, don't we? You're just jealous because I've made some...
• Episode 18: Lose a Job, Winnebago
  'Tom Arnold (I)' (qv)'s last appearance on "Roseanne"....
• Episode 19: It's a Boy
  Roseanne: [to David] Welcome to Roseannadu....
• Episode 20: It Was Twenty Years Ago Today
  Jackie Harris: [about Roseanne's wedding anniversary gift] Still looking. I wanted to be sure I get ...
• Episode 21: Playing with Matches
  [David sees Darlene crying after they broke up]::David: Are you crying? I didn't know you could do t...
• Episode 22: Promises, Promises
  Roger: I'm sure if you made it, Roseanne, it will be delicious.::Roseanne: Cool it, Roger. Dan doesn...
• Episode 23: Glengarry, Glen Rosey
  Chuck Mitchell: [yells] Oh! Oh! You trying to say I don't know anything about construction?::Dan Con...
• Episode 24: Tooth or Consequences
  Darlene: Please, Jackie. I was gonna run away, but I don't need Rozilla leveling Chicago trying to f...
• Episode 25: Daughters and Other Strangers
  D.J.: I touched a boob....
• Season 6
• Episode 1: Two Down, One to Go
  Roseanne: All human beings connect sex and love... except for men....
• Episode 2: The Mommy's Curse
  Jackie Harris: [talking about getting their Mom out of the restaurant] Alright. Okay, neither of us ...
• Episode 3: Party Politics
  Roseanne: Oh, isn't that cute. D.J. just closed his first drug deal....
• Episode 4: A Stash from the Past
  Jackie: Look at me, I've got nothin'. No boyfriend, no meaningful job, no husband, no family. It's j...
• Episode 5: Be My Baby
  Jackie: Mom, um, I'm pregnant. I went out with a guy I hardly know, we had sex for *hours*, and I go...
• Episode 6: Halloween V
  Dan: [discussing Nancy] She's rude and selfish.::Roseanne: I know, but, inside she's just a... scare...
• Episode 7: Homeward Bound
  Darlene: Yeah, D.J.'s finally got a friend that's not imaginary....
• Episode 8: Guilt by Imagination
  Jackie Harris: [Roseanne, angry, grabs her keys and leaves the house] Oh God. This is really bad.::D...
• Episode 9: Homecoming
  Mark: [why Mark didn't hurry to get to the Conner's house] I didn't think there was a dinner time he...
• Episode 10: Thanksgiving 1993
  It's a Thanksgiving in a typical Connor family fashion. Becky volunteers to take over cooking duties...
• Episode 11: The Driver's Seat
  [first lines]::Leon Carp: I don't smell the co-mingled scents of sweat and Jean Naté. Can I assume t...
• Episode 12: White Trash Christmas
  After receiving notice from the neighborhood association about not putting up tacky Christmas decora...
• Episode 13: Suck Up or Shut Up
  Dan Conner: Oh... we've... just... gotta have *that* kid over more often. He makes our other kids......
• Episode 14: Busted
  Roy-Al: You want something to drink?::Roseanne: Yeah, thanks. Um, I think a big tumbler of penicilli...
• Episode 15: David vs. Goliath
  David Healy: [Dan is sitting on the couch watching TV; David cuts it off] Mr. Conner, when I was gon...
• Episode 16: Everyone Comes to Jackie's
  Dan: [Roseanne wants to take him to work, but he is angry with her] On second thought, I just might ...
• Episode 17: Don't Make Room for Daddy
  Jackie: [looking at Jackie's baby through ultra-sound] Look at the little feet, and the spine. And w...
• Episode 18: Don't Ask, Don't Tell
  Becky: [Dean is giving Darlene a ride back to college] Well, I just don't think she should be using ...
• Episode 19: Labor Day
  Roseanne Conner: The only women that give birth real fast, are like those big, fat Iowa women that d...
• Episode 20: Past Imperfect
  Jackie Harris: [at Jackie's, Fred and Jackie are arguing, Roseanne is there, and the baby starts cry...
• Episode 21: Lies My Father Told Me
  Darlene Conner: [DJ is watching TV; comes up from behind to bother him] Hey, DJ, haven't seen you si...
• Episode 22: I Pray the Lord My Stove to Keep
  Roseanne Conner: [to D.J.] Where have you been going everyday after school? And remember, God will p...
• Episode 23: Body by Jake
  Jake: And the names they were calling her at the center.::Roseanne Conner: What kind of names?::Jake...
• Episode 24: Isn't It Romantic?
  David Healy: I am *not* sexist. I'm much too frightened of women to be sexist....
• Episode 25: Altar Egos
  Roseanne Conner: [to Dan] Do *not* talk down to me, like one of those husbands, who is not afraid of...
• Season 7
• Episode 1: Nine Is Enough
  Mark: God! Everyone's so afraid I'm gonna make 'em sick, no one won't come near me! Pheew, I feel li...
• Episode 2: Two for One
  David Healy: I'm not lying, Mrs. Conner, Darlene and I haven't had sex all summer.::Roseanne: Well, ...
• Episode 3: Snoop Davey Dave
  Dan: [Dan and Roseanne find out that Darlene has used drugs] Darlene, your Mother and I are going to...
• Episode 4: Girl Talk
  Roseanne Conner: [Jackie mentions Fred overlooks vital areas in bed] You mean... he'll get in the el...
• Episode 5: Sleeper
  USA...
• Episode 6: Skeleton in the Closet
  Roseanne: Hey Dan, if you're still gay, I could go for a mimosa and some eggs florentine.::Dan: I do...
• Episode 7: Follow the Son
  The customer who comes into the Lunch Box at the end of the show is 'Bob Nickman' (qv), a series co-...
• Episode 8: Punch and Jimmy
  Becky: [after David tries to thrown Dan out of his room] You done?::D.J.: Go to hell!::Becky: Hey! Y...
• Episode 9: White Men Can't Kiss
  Dan Conner: I hate white people....
• Episode 10: Thanksgiving 1994
  Jackie Harris: See, I told you that amnio wouldn't be that bad.::Roseanne Conner: Yeah, they stick a...
• Episode 11: Maybe Baby
  Roseanne Conner: [Jackie is sticking up for Dan] What, are you a *man* now? Did you grow a kickstand...
• Episode 12: The Parenting Trap
  Dan Conner: [about D.J] Ah, you mean he's at that age where on a sunny day, he can be laying on his ...
• Episode 13: Rear Window
  [on their new neighbors]::Jackie: So, they're like, really old?::Roseanne: Well, let's just say they...
• Episode 14: My Name Is Bev
  Roseanne: [Roseanne thinks her mother was arrested for speeding] I can't believe Mom was speeding, s...
• Episode 15: Bed and Bored
  Roseanne pretends to be ill in order to get some rest and relaxation to the exhaustion of everyone e...
• Episode 16: Sisters
  Jackie Harris: [explaining to Darlene why she's crying] I was in the back room chopping up onions an...
• Episode 17: Lost Youth
  The green-eyed monster emerges in force between David and Mark when they both become interested in S...
• Episode 18: Single Married Female
  Pete: [comes into the diner; asks in general] Excuse me, uh, I'm looking for Stacy.::Stacy Flagler: ...
• Episode 19: All About Rosey
  June Cleaver, TV Mom #1: [Roseanne talks about finding reefer and thinking it's David's] Reefer?::Ro...
• Episode 20: Husbands and Wives
  Dan: Well, you don't have to lie for me, I'm not afraid of my wife.::Fred: Oh? Have you remarried?...
• Episode 21: Happy Trailers
  Trailer Park Resident: And don't you ever feed my dog!::Roseanne: If I get drunk enough, I'll *fight...
• Episode 22: The Blaming of the Shrew
  [after D.J.'s pushy girlfriend leaves]::Jackie: [laughs] What was *that*?::Dan: I don't know. But th...
• Episode 23: The Birds and the Frozen Bees
  [after subtly getting Darlene and David back together]::Roseanne Conner: I'm amazing. If I ever get ...
• Episode 24: Couch Potatoes
  Roseanne: We're white trash, and we will stay white trash till the day they haul us out to the curb....
• Episode 25: Sherwood Schwartz--A Loving Tribute
  David Healy: [holding a piece of paper] I, uh... I got this thing at school today.::Roseanne Conner:...
• Season 8
• Episode 1: Shower the People You Love with Stuff
  [Lecy Goranson reprises her role as Becky after an extended absence from the show lasting over two y...
• Episode 2: Let Them Eat Junk
  Jackie Harris: Roseanne. My child has oreo breath!::Roseanne Conner: Well relax. That's just because...
• Episode 3: Roseanne in the Hood
  [first lines]::David Healy: Mrs. Conner, have you seen this book? This is everything you need to kno...
• Episode 4: The Last Date
  [first lines]::Dan Conner: Ah man. The hospital wants us to fill out a lot more of these forms than ...
• Episode 5: Halloween - The Final Chapter
  Trick or Treater: [to the Connors] You are nice nice nice. Thanks, Happy Halloween!::Roseanne Conner...
• Episode 6: The Fifties Show
  The Conners are caught in a time warp back to the 1950s in which Roseanne is a cheerful, frilly hous...
• Episode 7: The Getaway, Almost
  Dan Conner: What happened on the road?::Roseanne Conner: There was a revolution out there we didn't ...
• Episode 8: The Last Thursday in November
  Roseanne Conner: What elk horn do I have to blow on to get something to eat around here?...
• Episode 9: Of Mice and Dan
  Throughout the series, the theme song was a tune played on the harmonica. It wasn't until the last s...
• Episode 10: Direct to Video
  Michael O'Keefe's last appearance on the show....
• Episode 11: December Bride
  Leon Carp: [having a bad case of cold feet with the wedding] What if I am not even really gay?::Rose...
• Episode 12: The Thrilla near the Vanilla Extract
  Roseanne and Jackie get jobs as product promoters in the local supermarket. Once they start giving o...
• Episode 13: White Sheep of the Family
  Darlene: What's wrong with this family.::Roseanne: Your father and I are really brothers....
• Episode 14: Becky Howser, M.D.
  Mark tries to cheer up a glum Becky by inviting the family over for a surprise get-together. As the ...
• Episode 15: Out of the Past
  Roseanne Conner: [to Leon] Stick and stones may break my bones, but at least they're not a part of m...
• Episode 16: Construction Junction
  Dan is at a crossroads when a promising new construction job opens up that could make him and his ol...
• Episode 17: We're Going to Disney World
  Becky: Did I hear right? We're going on vacation?::Narrator: Ladies and gentlemen, the role of Becky...
• Episode 18: Disney World War II
  Darlene: My brother and my boyfriend on the Dumbo ride and me without a camera to throw at them....
• Episode 19: Springtime for David
  Jackie Harris: I read that the guy who built this place had his head frozen.::Roseanne Conner: Remin...
• Episode 20: Another Mouth to Shut Up
  Darlene: Everybody's looking at me going 'oh *Darlene* is getting married?' '*Darlene* is having a b...
• Episode 21: Morning Becomes Obnoxious
  Darlene Conner: [about Darlene's Grandma Bev, who wants to plan the wedding] All these wedding plans...
• Episode 22: Ballroom Blitz
  David: [Jackie is upset because she just got divorced] Come on, Jackie, who wouldn't want to go out ...
• Episode 23: The Wedding
  Roseanne Conner: [putting flowers in Darlene's hair] Just enough to make you smell good but not enou...
• Episode 24: Heart & Soul
  USA...
• Episode 25: Fights & Stuff
  Roseanne: You know what you are, Dan? You are a big, fat guy with absolutely no self control. You're...
• Season 9
• Episode 1: Call Waiting
  Beverly Harris: [Jackie has told Bev about the lottery ticket she bought] Well, its nice you can sti...
• Episode 2: Millions from Heaven
  Leon Carp: To know what God thinks of money, one only has to look at those, to whom He has given it....
• Episode 3: What a Day for a Daydream
  Beverly Harris: You know, now that we have this money, *I* don't have to be a Democrat anymore!...
• Episode 4: Honor Thy Mother
  Roseanne Conner: *I* am going to get my pores shrunk down to nothing, Jackie. I'm gonna get pounded ...
• Episode 5: Someday My Prince Will Come
  Roseanne: [to Jackie] Dating's just like hunting: you get lucky, you go home early....
• Episode 6: Pampered to a Pulp
  Roseanne: Well I'll snap your spine in half like a potato chip, ya bitch!...
• Episode 7: Satan, Darling
  Darlene Conner-Healy: Mom, is this normal? I'm so big and I'm only 8 weeks pregnant.::Roseanne Conne...
• Episode 8: Hoi Polloi Meets Hoiti Toiti
  Mark Healy: You change your clothes 8 times a day?::Astrid Wentworth: On average.::Jackie Harris: We...
• Episode 9: Roseambo
  Roseanne Conner: [rips the tape off Soba's mouth revealing a ball gag was also in her mouth] Are you...
• Episode 10: Home Is Where the Afghan Is
  Beverly Harris: And he's not the only man like that! They're all cut from the same cloth.Which is wh...
• Episode 11: Mothers and Other Strangers
  Beverly Harris: Stop with the stories, mother, I don't know who my father is!::Nana Mary: Well then ...
• Episode 12: Home for the Holidays
  Roseanne says that she's hardly seen Fred "since he moved in with that D.A. chick with them two kids...
• Episode 13: Say It Ain't So
  Roseanne Conner: Like I'm supposed to just look the other way when they catch you in a hotel room wi...
• Episode 14: Hit the Road Jack
  USA...
• Episode 15: The War Room
  When Roseanne falls into a deep depression and locks herself in the bedroom, family and friends try ...
• Episode 16: Lanford's Elite
  Roseanne makes a surprising connection with Edgar Wellman Jr., the son of her hated former boss, at ...
• Episode 17: Some Enchanted Merger
  USA...
• Episode 18: A Second Chance
  Roseanne Conner: The car has heated seats? Thank God, I thought I was going through the change....
• Episode 19: The Miracle
  Darlene gives birth to a very premature baby girl. The doctors and specialists have very little hope...
• Episode 20: Roseanne-Feld
  USA...
• Episode 21: The Truth Be Told
  Howard Morton: [about D.J.] What's wrong with *him*?::Roseanne Conner: Nothing.::Howard Morton: Must...
• Episode 22: Arsenic and Old Mom
  Roseanne: [Dan's mom is back from the mental hospital and is trying to kill Dan for putting her ther...
• Episode 23: Into That Good Night: Part 1
  Dan Conner: We better finish getting ready for the baby's arrival.::Roseanne Conner: Say that again....
• Episode 24: Into That Good Night: Part 2
  Subtitle: [displayed on screen during the final scene] "Those who dream by night, in the dusty reces...

Famous quotes by Roseanne:

"There isn't any 'New Man.' The New Man is the old man, only he whines more."

"I'm only upset that I'm not a widow. [On her ex-husband Tom Arnold]"

"A good man doesn't just happen. They have to be created by us women. A guy is a lump like a doughnut."

"I had left home (like all Jewish girls) in order to eat pork and take birth control pills. When I first shared an intimate evening with my husband I was swept away by the passion (so dormant inside myself) of a long and tortured existence. The physical cravings I had tried so hard to deny finally and ultimately sated... but enough about the pork."

"Birth control that really works: Every night before we go to bed we spend an hour with our kids."

"I hate the word housewife; I don't like the word home-maker either. I want to be called Domestic Goddess."

"The world makes you into a bitch, no matter how quietly you go, so you may as well go kicking and screaming."

"Women are cursed and men are the proof."

"My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside."

"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."