satire
13 Apr 2011
Then They Came For The Right-Wing Columnists
When Pauline Hanson can't even get elected and Andrew Bolt is in court for wanting to hold up a colour chart, there's something wrong with the world. Ben Pobjie joins the race to the bottom...
There is a famous painting that you may have heard of, called "Stag at Bay". It depicts a stag, if you follow me, at bay. Beset by ferocious dogs, the majestic beast finds itself making a last stand against these lesser creatures who, through weight of numbers, are about to bring down their proud, noble adversary.
I could not help but think of this image as I followed the travails of professional journalist, humanitarian and ethnologist Andrew Bolt in his battle against legalistic opinion-fascists who have been trying to shut down his free and open discussion of things that we are all thinking but are afraid to say because of political correctness and civil libertarians who are trying to get the Greens to make us all illegal.
You see, as a crusading journalist myself, I have always been one to stand up most vehemently for victims’ rights. And if ever there was a victim, it is Andrew Bolt. How did this simple, gentle, simple man become the target for so much vitriol and opprobrium from the self-appointed moral guardians of our decaying society? Was it around the same time it became a capital offence to call it as you see it? Was it around the same time women won the right to neglect their children? Was it around the same time Natasha Stott Despoja was invented? All of this and more.
Let’s examine the facts of this case. What did Bolt actually say? All he said was that certain high-profile Aboriginal people were in fact certain high-profile white people, and therefore should not be receiving the special privileges which our welfare state gives to Aboriginal people, like instant law degrees and free Liquorland coupons. Bolt’s point is simply that just as it is scandalous that benefits should be made available on the basis of race, it is even more scandalous that they should be made available to people who aren’t really of the race that they are made available on the basis of.
Or to put it another way, why do we have to divide our society on superficial racial lines, and when we do so, why don’t we do it properly?
And for this, he is to be pilloried? Attacked? Excoriated? To have apologies demanded of him as if he were a common drunken footballer? To be violated by the fiddling fingers of leftist social engineering? Remember, this is the man who has ALWAYS stood up for the ordinary Australians against those who would threaten their way of life, whether it was the Stolen Generations, or asylum seekers, or climate scientists, or talking cartoon fish — Bolt has always been there for us. Yet suddenly, it seems, we are no longer there for him.
Remember the old saying: "First they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out, for I was not a socialist. Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out, for I was not a Jew. Then they came for the highly-paid right-wing opinion columnists, and I did not speak out, for I was busy because the kids had soccer practice. Then they came for me, and I had to pay them a million bucks to mine uranium in their backyard." These lines, today, are more chilling than ever.
The case is all about free speech, and as someone who often says things it is a subject very, very dear to my heart. I am all too aware that if Andrew Bolt loses his right to say, "Hey Larissa Behrendt, how about you go back to Dortmund where you came from, you pasty-cheeked tax-leech?" I may lose MY right to say witty things about how recordings of Penny Wong’s voice are being tested by the CSIRO as a potentially humane way to exterminate locusts. And then we are ALL the loser, especially me.
Free speech, after all, is non-negotiable, unless you want to shout "Fire!" in a crowded theatre, which is why so many people die in theatre-fires — nobody ever warns them. And that fatal restriction on free speech, which prevents people from knowing about fires, could soon be extended to preventing people from knowing about white Aborigines stealing their money unless we are all very careful and write a lot of articles about it as quickly as possible.
The question is, why has Bolt been forced to defend himself against these craven carpers in such a humiliating fashion? Why is it suddenly "taboo" to discuss the pale Aborigine crisis besetting our country? Surely when a nation’s prosperity is menaced it is a patriot’s duty to speak out and alert others so that an organised and efficient response can be implemented. We did this during World War II. We did this during Big Brother. Why can’t we do this during WhiteBlackPeopleGate? Why can’t we have a healthy debate about the problem?
Surely a mature society wouldn’t silence people for speaking out about the issue, but would instead institute a sort of ranking system akin to the Dulux Colour Chart to determine who is and isn’t eligible to receive free money. Anyone who wants to receive benefits reserved for Aboriginal people must stand against the colour chart, compare their skin colour to the "Indigenous Threshold Hue", and be categorised accordingly: those who are of the ITH or darker get benefits, and those who are lighter have to feel guilty about it.
And that is all that Andrew Bolt is saying. All he is proposing is that we have an objective scale on which to measure people’s racial identity, since only then will we be able to live together without rancour and hitting each other with broken bottles.
After all, as Bolt says, he is radically opposed to the very idea of race: we are all members of the ONE race — the HUMAN race — and it’s time to get over what divides us, and concentrate on what unites us. For example, what divides us is white Aborigines, and what unites us is the fact that Sudanese people are criminals. When will we realise this and move into a post-racial world? A world where people are not judged on the colour of their skin, but rather on the immoral and criminal acts they are driven to perform because of the colour of their skin? A world where people are not just allowed to "choose" what race they are? A world where influential media commentators are not torn down by the tall-poppy-syndromites every time they dare to express an opinion that doesn’t fit in with the eco-Nazi crypto-Menshevik ideology that dominates public discourse in Australia today to the extent that Pauline Hanson can’t even get elected anymore? When will this world come about?
I hope it comes about soon. I hope we can stop worrying about what race people are and start measuring their skin colour in a calm and rational way. I hope we can call off the dogs and let the mighty stag of the News Ltd empire go about his business in peace. I had to apologise to Andrew Bolt once before for the shameful way this country had treated him. Don’t make me do it again. I don’t think my heart could stand it.
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Posted Wednesday, 13 April 11 at 11:53AM
Excellent work, Ben. Andrew will never be the same.
I’m not sure whether Rupert is still a ‘stag’ but he has been looking rather old lately and may be spending too much time…er, staging, if you get my drift!
At his age too!
http://dangerouscreation.com
Posted Wednesday, 13 April 11 at 1:55PM
psst David,
You’d better scarper the PC squad are after you for your ageist comments! Well let’s just say that Viagra over dose does have side effects that be injurious to some peoples health if not their judgement and eye sight if you get my drift! ;-)
I guess I should be appalled by certain failures to achieve, but there was a profit involved anyway.
I must admit I’m disgusted that medical research is being hobbled and as such denying us the right to clones of Fred. What’s wrong with a senate that is mammoth mixture of malefluent moral mediators to moderate our momentous misdirected missteps towards Mirvana aka majority mule if you get my mift!
BTW who did get swimming, well paddling rights to the senate swill trough?
The media is full of failures but not who the lucky swillee is.
Posted Wednesday, 13 April 11 at 2:19PM
I must agree that freedom of speech is important. The Greens and left aren’t calling for censorship, I hope, but rather a rational response to rather disturbingly racial nationalist (masquerading as non-racial, hilariously, in Ben Pobjie’s case) opinion. Its better to have all this debate out in the open. I cannot stand by, however, without commenting that Ben Pobjie’s endorsement of Andrew Bolt’s colour test obsession is ludicrous. He advocates that ‘a mature society… would instead institute a sort of ranking system akin to the Dulux Colour Chart to determine who is and isn’t eligible to receive free money. Anyone who wants to receive benefits reserved for Aboriginal people must stand against the colour chart, compare their skin colour to the “Indigenous Threshold Hue”, and be categorised accordingly: those who are of the ITH or darker get benefits, and those who are lighter have to feel guilty about it.’ Australians, he says, should ‘start measuring their skin colour in a calm and rational way’.
This is dangerous. What on earth is calm or rational about this? Speaking as a South African, it immediately harks back to the stupid essentialist idea of ‘measuring’ race. People during Apartheid were reclassified from one race to another on the whim of an official. A daughter might be deemed ‘white’, whilst her mother and brother were ‘coloured’ (a distinct South African race group from black). It is highly demeaning and causes immense social disrupture and unhealthy complexes over ones racial identity. If the right are advocating colour tests, but also non-racialism, this is inconsistent. Race is about self-identification. One’s hue is arbitrary, and smacks of eugenic racism (the Nazis, for one).
Enough already, Pobjie and Bolt. Read your histories of racism, and revise your irresponsible racist rhetoric. I hope for one, that this was simply tongue-in-cheek satire. Even then, such views warrant a serious response within a free public sphere of debate we all cherish, whether on the left or right on the political spectrum. We should all agree, racism, and racial profiling, is dangerous political rhetoric.
Posted Wednesday, 13 April 11 at 3:54PM
Aboriginal people are the only people in Australia to be defined in legislation;
The definition of an Aboriginal person by the Federal Government, (for
example, as defined by the Aboriginal Land Rights Act 1983), is a person
who:
is of Aboriginal descent;
identifies as an Aboriginal person; and,
is accepted by the Aboriginal community in which they live.
All of these things must apply. A person’s physical appearance or the way
they live, are not requirements.
Posted Wednesday, 13 April 11 at 4:27PM
Oh Chris…. really? This is SATIRE. It’s a JOKE. Satire essentially means using humour to say the opposite of what you really think.
Follow Ben’s stuff for long enough and you’ll see his style.
Yes by all means be serious but be factual and serious and we can get this debate really rolling along.
Posted Wednesday, 13 April 11 at 4:32PM
When the angels came for the non-racist commentators, I did not object, because I was not in the race.
And when they came for the winged columnists, I did not object, for I had never heeded the sound of one wing flapping.
Even when they came for the politically correct, I said nothing, for I saw nothing correct about politics.
And then the angels came for me, and said I was to be ‘left behind’. And nobody protested, for by now it seemed a reasonable proposition.
Posted Wednesday, 13 April 11 at 5:21PM
arf
Oh dear poor old Pobjie has competition
Well both are hilarious . Love it.
Posted Thursday, 14 April 11 at 4:12AM
The ABC should of had Maxwell Newton on before Kerry OBrian
Posted Thursday, 14 April 11 at 1:34PM
Ben, dont even joke like that please. Remember, Bolt thins he has the right to say what he likes but anyone who disgrees with him, well that’s that. He’s a sanctimonious prick.
Posted Thursday, 14 April 11 at 2:18PM
@beveringham
what’s the worth of free speech unless “sanctimonious pricks” can say offensive things ? nobody needs to advocate letting us nice people say what we all like to hear
Posted Thursday, 14 April 11 at 3:28PM
The world would be a much less entertaining place without Andrew Bolt.
Much less racist, hateful & dumb too, I grant you…
Besides, without him, how would Herald Sun readers know what their opinion was..?
Posted Thursday, 14 April 11 at 3:59PM
dwincoleman,
It one thing for the LCD to be Fat, dumb and ill informed and luxuriate in the excrement human emotionalism but it is another thing entirely for a wordsmith like ‘wingnut’ to pee into the pond while they’re still there.
This notion of freedom of speech is and always has been conditional.
Posted Thursday, 14 April 11 at 5:12PM
I have this to say: LOL.
I remind you that means Laughing Out Loud. I was and still am.
Thanks Ben.
Posted Thursday, 14 April 11 at 5:27PM
The right to criticize minority groups can be abused, but that’s why we need it.
Whenever one of us is silly enough to abuse it, and I’ve done my share,
our audience gets a chuckle,
and a reminder to consider their message before communicating.
‘There, but for the grace of [not having to write a shock column], go I.’
Posted Thursday, 14 April 11 at 5:33PM
‘They can for the mining magnates, but I wasn’t one, so I said nuthin’.
They came for the pokie magnates, but I wasn’t one, so I did nuthin’.
They came for the rich, white, male shock jocks, but I wasn’t (quite) one, so I laughed.
When they came for me, I said “I’m stoked that you think I have that level of influence!”
Posted Thursday, 14 April 11 at 6:47PM
My trouble with Andrew Bolt is that he influences many Australians, especially those who read the Herald Sun. In particular his obsession about “others” or difference, whether that be race, nationality, visa status e.g. refugees etc. and digging up the old chestnut about “benefits” for those who do not merit them. When he starts targetting middle class welfare e.g. negative gearing, super income tax breaks etc. which we all pay for too, I may heed his warnings. For now his role seems to be chief “dog whistler”, i.e. details are not important, but suggestion is….. (PS I am not sure that quoting Niemöller fits with Bolt). Should he have gone to court, let them decide….
Posted Friday, 15 April 11 at 1:04AM
Laughed til I cried. We need Andrew Bolt so that Ben can satirise his idiocies, thereby helping to keep us all in good health. Thanks Ben.
Posted Friday, 15 April 11 at 9:37AM
Jandamarra in reference to your legislation describing Aborigines, does that mean that when a person who considers themselves Aborigine is rejected from Aboriginal society, they can no longer consider themselves Aborigine?
And therefore they are then deemed ineligible to receive Aborigine welfare from the government due to that rejection?
Posted Friday, 15 April 11 at 9:57AM
denise that comment is either misanthropic or incredibly naive. Assuming the latter the answer is NO .
Posted Friday, 15 April 11 at 10:02AM
rowena,
At my age Bolt has the same effect on me as mental prunes. I guess that’s good for my health too isn’t it?
Posted Friday, 15 April 11 at 10:27AM
Archie Why has NO ONE found out just who Tony visited in London when Julia was visiting the troops? Mont Pelerin Society?
Posted Friday, 15 April 11 at 12:32PM
Examinator, re your mental prunes: So Bolt produces shit via one means or another. But then Ben takes the compost to create a flower garden. My point is - no fertiliser, no roses. The obnoxious may have an essential function.
Posted Friday, 15 April 11 at 2:14PM
Ben, I dare you to cause some real offense to the left-wing readers of this left-wing website, and make fun of Larissa Behrendt and Geoff Clarke, Bolt’s litigants.
Posted Friday, 15 April 11 at 2:40PM
How about Mssr; A,Bolt,s shareholdings? Mining shares perhaps? Else why would he be defending nuclear power stations? Getting VERY MESSY over in Japan isn,t it Andrew,like maybe even you wouldn.t feel like visiting there (all x,s paid) to tell us just how safe you feel!
Posted Friday, 15 April 11 at 3:14PM
timhtrain, “Ben, I dare you to cause some real offense to the left-wing readers of this left-wing website, and make fun of Larissa Behrendt and Geoff Clarke, Bolt’s litigants”.
Your got to be joking, Tim ? reflection is out as the mirror broke when CO2 was found to be a scam.
Posted Friday, 15 April 11 at 5:16PM
Ben, if you keep on like this I’m going to vote you in as Prime Minister, whether you nominate or not. This was one of your best pieces and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I suggest you sent it to the “Great Man Himself”.
Posted Friday, 15 April 11 at 7:12PM
Rowena,
I got your point earlier my comment was a joke. :-)
Posted Friday, 15 April 11 at 7:32PM
Lets play spot the nimby
Posted Saturday, 16 April 11 at 11:10AM
nah lets shoot the nimby and blame it on someone else. Heaven forbid that we should actually think objectively first.
Posted Saturday, 16 April 11 at 11:49AM
Like blaming smokers for the bushfires
Posted Saturday, 16 April 11 at 10:09PM
Dallas Beaufort,
How many *real* greenies have you seen smoking cigarettes and well flick them out car windows ?
Posted Saturday, 16 April 11 at 11:59PM
“recordings of Penny Wong’s voice are being tested by the CSIRO as a potentially humane way to exterminate locusts…” How would this be humane?
Posted Sunday, 17 April 11 at 3:35PM
Mandating unsustainable fuel loads would count.
Posted Monday, 18 April 11 at 12:08PM
Dallas Beaufort,
Glad to see you favour higher taxes and rates to accommodate the costs.
Oops I forgot your answer is no trees.
FYI pine trees burn better than most Aussie trees except for gums…. BTW
Contrary to most thinking Eucalyptus trees aren’t the most populous trees in Australia. Although they are more resilient during droughts too.
In fact In the local reserve We have 23 eucs in 100 hectares of native bush .
Much of which won’t burn without while green without an accelerant. Not that the local erks haven’t tried.
Posted Monday, 18 April 11 at 1:25PM
Plant some more and take responsibility for their health.
Posted Monday, 18 April 11 at 3:27PM
Check mate Examinator, Dallas got to bushfires in less than five moves.
Posted Wednesday, 20 April 11 at 1:38AM
Kill the messenger by default
Posted Wednesday, 20 April 11 at 1:49AM
If green labor had the guts to lake on board what Pearson does then the left may salve their missing soul in opposition.
Posted Wednesday, 20 April 11 at 6:55AM
Rowena,
when is an aboriginal not an aboriginal?
When she gets hit by a bolt of lightening. Christopher
Posted Wednesday, 20 April 11 at 7:01AM
TimHTrain,
You can’t make fun of Geoff Clarke
Christopher
or Can you?