[EMCEE]
Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome!
Fremde, etranger, stranger.
Gluklich zu sehen, je suis enchante,
Happy to see you, bleibe, reste, stay.
Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome
Im Cabaret, au Cabaret, to Cabaret
[Spoken]
Meine Damen und Herren, Mesdames et Messieurs,
Ladies and Gentlemen! Guden Abend, bon soir,
We geht's? Comment ca va? Do you feel good?
I bet you do!
Ich bin euer Confrecier; je suis votre compere...
I am you host!
Und sagen
Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome
Im Cabaret, au Cabaret, to Cabaret
[spoken]
Leave you troubles outside!
So - life is disappointing? Forget it!
We have no troubles here! Here life is beautiful...
The girls are beautiful...
Even the orchestra is beautiful!
You see? I told your the orchestra is beautiful!
And now presenting the Cabaret Girls!
Rosie! (Rosie is so called because of the color of her
cheeks.) Lulu! (Oh, you like Lulu? Well, too bad!
So does Rosie.) Frenchie! (You know I like to order
Frenchie
on the side. On your side Frenchie! Just kidding!)
Texas! (Yes, Texas is from America!But she's a very
cunning linguist!) Fritzie!
(Oh, Fritzie, please, will you stop that!
Already this week we have lost two waiters,
a table and three bottles of champagne up there.)
and Helga! (Helga is the baby. I'm just like a father
to her. So when she's bad, I spank her. And she's
very, very, very, very, very bad.)
Rosie, Lulu, Frenchie, Texas, Fritzie... Und Helga.
Each and every one a virgin! You don't believe me?
Well, don't take my word for it. Go ahead- try Helga!
Outside it is winter. But in here it's so hot.
Every night we have to battle with the girls to keep
them from taking off all their clothings. So don't go
away. Who knows? Tonight we may lose the battle!
[KIT KAT GIRLS]
Wir sagen
Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome
Im Cabaret, au Cabaret, to Cabaret!
[EMCEE]
We are here to serve you!
And now presenting the Kit Kat Boys:
Here they are!
Bobby! Victor!
Or is it
Victor! and Bobby...
You know, there's really only one wat to tell the
difference...
I'll show you later.
Hans (Oh Hans, go easy on the sauerkraut!)
Herrman (You know what's funny about Herrman?
There's nothing funny about Herrman!)
And, finally, the toast og Mayfir, Fraulein Sally
Bowles!
[SALLY]
Hello, darlings!
[EMCEE]
Bliebe, reste, stay!
[ALL]
Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome
[EMCEE]
That's Victor.
[ALL]
Im Cabaret, au Cabaret,
[whispered]
Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome!
Fremde, etranger, stranger.
[EMCEE]
Hello, stranger!
[ALL]
Gluklich, zu sehen, je suis enchante,
[EMCEE]
Enchante, Madame.
[All]
Happy to see you,
Bliebe, reste, stay!
Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome!
Fremde, etranger, stranger.
Gluklich zu sehen, je suis enchante,
Happy to see you,
Bliebe, reste, stay!
Wir sagen
Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome
Im Cabaret, au Cabaret, to Cabaret
[EMCEE]
Thank you!
Bobby, Victor, Hans, Herrman, Rosie, Lulu, Frenchie,
Texas, Fritzie, Helga, Sally and Me!
Cioffi (spoken): May I be bold?
I never believed in that whole ‘some enchanted evening’
thing, until now.
The first time I saw you, there was a blue wash on the
stage
and they hit ya with a pink special. It was…
Niki (spoken): It was just like a musical, huh Frank?
Cioffi (spoken): I thought, Niki, I thought to myself
(singing)
You and I,
We could be
A tough act to follow
Can't ya see?
Special people doing special things
Running rings around any pair
Anywhere
You and I,
We could stay
A tough act to follow
In every way
If you hold my hand
And let the music start
Let the curtains part
Let the spot light glow…
Cioffi (spoken): Gosh, I wish I could do that.
Niki (spoken): Well, you can Frank. It’s simple really.
Just follow me.
Stomp. Hop. Slap. Step. Slap. Step. Stamp. Stamp.
Cioffi and Niki (spoken): Stomp. Hop. Slap. Step. Slap.
Step. Stamp. Stamp.
Cioffi (spoken): Stomp. Hop. Slap. Step. Slap. Step.
Stamp. Stamp.
Niki(spoken): Hey, you’ve done this before.
How about a spotlight of your own?
Hey, Harry, put him in pink! Oh, looking
good, Frank. Lookin’ real good!
(singing)
We’d be a tough act to follow
A tough act to follow
I know
Cioffi (spoken): Are you thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’?
Niki (spoken): I sure think I am.
Cioffi and Niki (spoken): Come on, gang.
Ensemble (singing):
You and I,
We could be
A tough act to follow
Can't ya see?
Special people doing special things
Running rings around any pair
Anywhere
You and I,
We could stay
A tough act to follow
In every way
Ahhhhhhh
Let the curtains part
Let the spot light glow…
We’d be a
Stomp. Hop. Slap. Step. Slap. Step. Stamp. Stamp.
Stomp. Hop. Slap. Step. Slap. Step. Stamp. Stamp.
Stomp. Hop. Slap. Step. Slap. Step. Stamp. Stamp.
Stomp. Hop. Slap. Step. Slap. Step. Stamp. Stamp.
Cioffi and Niki:
We’d be a tough act to follow
A tough act to follow
Cioffi: I know
Niki (spoken): Stomp. Hop. Slap. Step. Slap. Step.
Stamp. Stamp.
Stomp. Hop. Slap. Step. Slap. Step. Stamp. Stamp.
Wide Open Spaces
All (sung):
Wide open spaces
Everywhere I look I see
Those wide open spaces
Where the future waits for you and me
It's Kansas forever
And wherever I may roam
I’ll see those wide open spaces
And know that Kansas is home
Jessica (spoken):
Kiss me while you can boys, I’m bidding you …
Randy:
Farewell.
Jessica:
Farewell. I’m bidding you farewell.
I see someone taking aim at this here target.
Randy:
But he can’t win.
There’s already a bullet smack-dab in the middle of the
bulls-eye.
Jessica:
Why he shot that other bullet in half.
Nikki:
No, not quite yet!
Jessica:
Why he shot that other bullet in half.
Randy:
The school-house is saved!
Bambi:
Look! It’s Rob Hood!
Jessica:
I wonder what face belongs to those lips I long to
kiss?
Bobby:
This face!
Nikki:
Why you’re Allen O’Dell! That friendly lawman from the
East I was so crazy about!
I thought you were all done with us?
Bobby:
Not when I finally found myself a home, a place to
where
I belong keeping company with the people I care most
about.
Randy:
You came to us as a stranger, rid this place of crime,
and gave us a new hope in ourselves.
That’s gonna be one tough act to follow!
Bobby:
Well, how’s this—will you be my lawful wedded wife,
Miss Nancy?
Nikki:
Oh, yes I will!
All (sung):
Ding dong, Ding dong
Ding dong, Ding dong
Wide open spaces
Everywhere I look I see
Those wide open spaces
Where the future waits for you and me
Jessica (sung badly):
It’s Kansas forever
All (sung):
And wherever I may roam
I’ll see those wide open spaces
And know that Kansas is home
K-A-N-S-A-S USA!
Bambi (spoken):
Oh my God, she fainted!
Nikki:
Shall I call the doctor?
Johnny:
No, Boston Hospital is just down the block. It’s okay,
she’s got a pulse.
Ronny:
That’s the first time she’s ever kept a beat.
Johnny:
Bobby, Ronny, can you help carry her?
Bobby:
Ask any of the chickies in my pen
They'll tell you I'm the biggest mother hen
I love them all and all of them love me
Because the system works the system called reciprocity
Got a little motto
Always sees me through
When you're good to Mama
Mama's good to you
There's a lot of favors
I'm prepared to do
You do one for Mama
She'll do one for you
They say that life is tit for tat
And that's the way I live
So I deserve a lotta tat
For what I've got to give
Don't you know that this hand
Washes that one too
When you're good to Mama
Mama's good to you
If you want my gravy
Fezzle my Ragu
Spice it up for Mama
She'll get hot for you
When the pass that basket
Folks contribute to
You put in for Mama
She'll put out for you
The folks that stop the ladder
AreThe ones the world adores
So boost me up my ladder kid
And I'll boost you up yours
Let's all srtoke together
Like the Princeton Crew
When you're strokin' Mama
Mama's strokin' you
So what's the one conclusion
I can bring this number to?
When you're good to Mama
Mama's good to you
Georgia:
Oh my God!
Aaron:
Holy mother in heaven!
Carmen:
Holy shit!
Oscar:
What? The reviews aren’t good? What don’t they like?
Georgia:
That we put on a show!
Aaron:
The Boston Globe says,
“If you loved Oklahoma,
stay there as long as “Robbin’ Hood” is running in
Boston!”
Carmen:
Critics! Who’d make a living out of killing other
people’s dreams? I mean
(sung)
What kind of man would take a job like that
Oscar:
What kind of slob would take a job like that
Carmen and Oscar:
Who could be mean enough
Base and obscene enough
To take a job like that
Georgia (spoken):
Wait a minute! Here’s something in the Herald that
might be good!
“Formerly married composer and lyricist Aaron Fox and
Georgia Hendricks have provided film star Jessica
Cranshaw with a star vehicle ..
that ought to be driven off a cliff.”
Aaron (sung):
What kind of mom would raise her boy like that
Georgia:
Who’d want her baby to destroy like that
All:
Who could be jerk enough
Hard up for work enough
To want a job like that
Ohhhhhhhhhh what kind of low down dirty bum
Ohhhhhhhhhh what kind of swine-ish scurvy scum
Loathsome as they come, I wonder
Oscar:
What kind of man would want a job like that
Carmen:
What kind of putz would squeeze your nuts like that
Who could be prick enough
All:
Mentally sick enough
Who’d want to grow to be
Everyone’s enemy
Critics are hated and
So excoriated tell me
What kind of man
Would want a job like …
Oscar (spoken):
Hey, hey, hey, get a load of this—the Cambridge Patriot
says,
“Considering the talent and experience of the veterans
involved, ‘Robbin’ Hood’ is sure to be a huge Broadway
… smash.”
All:
What kind of genius has a mind like that
So perspicacious, wise and kind like that
Far from his mother’s knee
She must be thrilled to see
How he grew up to be
Such brilliant company
Refined and reflective
We’re completely objective
But it mists up your heart
[GIRL 1]
Beedle dee, deedle dee, dee!
[GIRL 2]
Beedle dee, deedle dee, dee!
[EMCEE]
Beedle dee, deedle dee, Beedle dee, deedle dee,
Dee!
[GIRLS]
Beedle dee, dee dee dee,
[EMCEE]
Two ladies.
[GIRLS]
Beedle dee, dee dee dee,
[EMCEE]
Two ladies.
[GIRLS]
Beedle dee, dee dee dee,
[EMCEE]
And I'm the only man,
[GIRLS]
Beedle dee, dee dee dee...
[EMCEE]
I like it.
[GIRLS]
Beedle dee, dee dee dee...
[EMCEE]
They like it.
[GIRLS]
Beedle dee, dee dee dee...
[EMCEE]
This two for one.
Beedle dee, dee dee dee...
[GIRLS]
Two ladies.
[EMCEE]
Beedle dee, dee dee dee...
[GIRLS]
Two ladies.
[EMCEE]
Beedle dee, dee dee dee,
[GIRLS]
Und he's the only man
[EMCEE]
[GIRLS]
Beedle dee, dee dee dee...
[GIRL 1]
He likes it.
[EMCEE]
Beedle dee, dee dee dee...
[GIRL 2]
We like it.
[EMCEE]
Beedle dee, dee dee dee...
[GIRLS]
This two for one.
[GIRL 2]
I do the cooking...
[GIRL 1]
Und I make the bed.
[EMCEE]
I go out daily
To earn our daily bread.
But we've one thing in common,
[GIRL 1]
He...
[EMCEE]
She...
[GIRL 2]
And me,
[GIRL 1]
The key,
[EMCEE]
Beedle dee, dee,
[GIRL 2]
The key,
[EMCEE]
Beedle dee, dee, the key,
[GIRLS]
Beedle dee, deedle dee, deedle dee, dee!
[DANCE]
[GIRLS]
Ooh! Aah! Ooh! Aah!
[EMCEE]
We switch partners daily
To play as we please.
[GIRLS]
Twosies beats onesies,
[EMCEE]
But nothing beats threes.
I sleep in the middle,
[GIRL 1]
I'm left,
[GIRL 2]
Und I'm right,
[EMCEE]
But there's room on the bottom
If you drop in some night.
[GIRLS]
Beedle dee, dee dee dee...
[EMCEE]
Two ladies.
Beedle dee, dee dee dee...
[GIRLS]
Two ladies.
Beedle dee, dee dee dee,
And he's the only man.
[ALL]
Beedle dee, dee dee dee...
[EMCEE]
I like it,
[GIRLS]
Beedle dee, dee dee dee...
[EMCEE]
They like it!
[GIRLS]
Beedle dee, dee dee dee...
[ALL]
This tow for one.
Beedle dee, deedle dee, deedle dee,
Deedle dee, dee!
[EMCEE (spoken)]
Thank you! Lulu! Bobby! And me!!
Oh, I'm so hot now!
The sun on the meadow is summery warm.
The stag in the forest runs free.
But gather together to greet the storm.
Tomorrow belongs to me.
The branch of the linden is leafy and green,
The Rhine gives its gold to the sea.
But somewhere a glory awaits unseen.
Tomorrow belongs to me.
The babe in his cradle is closing his eyes
The blossom embraces the bee.
But soon, says a whisper;
"Arise, arise,
Tomorrow belongs to me."
Oh Fatherland, Fatherland,
Show us the sign
Your children have waited to see.
The morning will come
When the world is mine.
Tomorrow belongs, Tomorrow belongs,
Tomorrow belongs to me!
Oh Fatherland, Fatherland,
Show us the sign
Your children have waited to see.
The morning will come
When the world is mine.
Tomorrow belongs, Tomorrow belongs,
Tomorrow belongs to me!
Tomorrow belongs, Tomorrow belongs,
Tomorrow belongs to me!
Oh Fatherland, Fatherland,
Show us the sign
Your children have waited to see.
The morning will come
When the world is mine.
Tomorrow belongs, Tomorrow belongs,
Georgia:
Thinking of him
Thinking of him
Sometimes it seems I spend every moment of my waking
Thinking of him
Making him laugh, sometimes
Making him strong, sometimes
Making him feel some place in the light is his
Telling him just how special he is
Thinking of him
Thinking of him
Telling the truth when no one is willing to tell him
the truth
Fighting for him
Living for him
Thinking it over, that’s what I think I do
Well isn’t it time
Aaron:
Isn’t it time
Georgia:
Isn’t it high time
I was thinking of me, too
Aaron:
Maybe it’s time
Bobby (interrupts Aaron):
Maybe it’s time
Maybe it’s high time
You were thinking of you
Georgia:
Thinking of me
Georgia and Bobby:
Carmen (spoken):
Jessica Cranshaw will never be better than she was this
evening.
Bobby:
But she was horrible.
Carmen:
I know. But she’ll never better. She’s dead.
That was the hospital on the phone. In terms of future
performances,
Jessica Cranshaw now has a conflict.
Georgia:
Chris, do you want to say something to the company
about Jessica?
Chris:
Shall we all observe a moment of silence …
to match the audience’s response to Jessica’s first
number?
Aaron:
Chris!
Chris:
Oh, all right. Jessica was part of our company and now
we part company.
I’m sure we shall all remember her in our thoughts and
in our resumes.
And now as thespians, I know you’d like to express your
sorrow,
both as a tribute and as an acting exercise. Sasha—F
Sharp minor.
All (sung):
Ooh, ooh, ooh
Carmen:
The woman’s dead
The woman’s dead
Aaron:
Go tell her fans to change their plans
The woman’s dead
Nikki:
Would someone care
To say a prayer?
Aaron:
Who might that be?
Chris:
Don’t look at me
Carmen, Aaron, and Chris:
The woman’s dead
All:
Ooh, ooh, ooh
The woman’s dead
She’s dead and gone
Bobby:
She’s flown the coop
And now our troupe is minus one
Nikki:
She sang each word
The angels heard
They closed her mouth and shipped her south
Bobby and Nikki:
The woman’s done
All:
Ooh, ooh, ooh
The woman’s dead
The woman’s dead
Bambi:
She was a bitch
Chris:
And under pitch
Bambi:
And now she’s dead
All:
Our star is dead
Aaron:
She had no voice
Oscar:
She had no wits
Carmen:
She had no brains
She just had tits
Aaron and Carmen:
And now she’s dead
All:
The woman’s dead
The woman’s dead
Johnny:
She’s taking ten
’Til God knows when
The woman’s dead
Men:
The skies are blue
Nikki:
Her lips are too
All:
Can’t blow her nose
Can’t shake her head
See for yourself
It’s like I said
The woman’s definitely
Positively …
Cioffi (spoken):
Excuse me, I’m Lt. Frank Cioffi of the greater Boston
Police.
I’m assigned to the homicide division and, oh, it’s an
honor
to be standing on the same stage with each and every
one of you!
All (sung):
Sasha (sung):
The man is dead
The man is dead
This is no joke
The man did croak
And now he’s dead
He’s breathed his last
He’s in the past
He’s lost his lease
So rest in peace
GEORGIA
(spoken)
Kiss me while you can boys
I’m gonna round up that Robb Hood
And hog tie his fancy McNancy
(sung)
He made a getaway
He left me flataway
At times like this a modern miss should gallop thataway
When love goes thisaway
Don’t blow your blissaway
You might find out that
He’s just about a hug and kissaway
No matter whichaway
He takes that bitchaway
I won’t relent til he’ll consent to make a switchaway
If he’s in Santa Fe
Or in Piscataway
I’ll pack my gown and leave this town and travel
thataway
If he’s in Paraguay
Or even Mandalay
I’ll grab my horse and set my course to reach him
thataway
I’ve know a man or two
A score or more, it’s true
And if he stays or if he strays depends on my lasso
It ain’t just how you woo’em
But how you proceed to purse’em
GEORGIA
If you move thisaway
WOMEN
Thisaway?
GEORGIA
And shake it thataway
WOMEN
Thataway?
GEORGIA
There’s every chance he’ll see you dance and holler
“attaway!”
WOMEN
Attaway!
GEORGIA
Then if you flipaway
WOMEN
Flipaway
GEORGIA
Rotate your hipaway
WOMEN
Ooooh!
GEORGIA
Just wait and see; I guarantee your man won’t slipaway!
BOTH
If you’re the mate for him,
Don’t sit and wait for him!
GEORGIA
It’s up to you but if you do you’ll be too late for
him.
If there’s a spataway,
Don’t throw his hataway!
BOTH
Forget that fight, and hold him tight
GEORGIA
till he gets thataway!
What’s that music?
What’s that dance?
What’s that stirring in my pants?
Did you see that?
Holy cow!
What the hell do I do now?
WOMEN MEN
If you move thisaway What’s that
And shake it thataway music
There’s every chance he’ll see you dance What’s that
And holler “Attaway!”
Then if you flipaway What’s that
Rotate your hipaway stirring
Just wait and see, I guarantee your guy won’t slipaway
In my pants?
If you’re the mate for him, Did you
Don’t sit and wait for him see that?
It’s up to you, but if you do, you’ll be too late for
him Holy cow!
If there’s a spataway What the
Don’t throw his hataway! hell do
Forget that fight, and hold him tight till he gets
thataway! I do now?
MEN [WOMEN]
Your man runs thataway [thataway]
Or he choose thatway [thatway]
At times like this [at times like his] a modern miss
should gallop
Thatway [Thisaway?] Thataway! [Thisaway!] Thataway!
[Thisaway!]
When love goes thisaway [Thisaway]
Don’t blow your blissaway [Thisaway]
You might find out [might find out] he’s just about a
hug [hug] and kissaway [kissaway]
GEORGIA
And while you chataway,
Your eyes will bataway!
WOMEN
Eat off the ground
Eat off the ground
WOMEN
Your heart will pound
Your heart will pound
EVERYONE
Eat off the ground
Your heart will pound
As he looks thataway!
GEORGIA
Don’t chew the fataway!
EVERYONE
Don’t chew the fat
We have but that to say!
Just from the waist
Love sets a pace
Cut to the chase
Let’s all go thataway!
Or maybe thataway!
GEORGIA
I’m heading thataway!
EVERYONE
CHRISTOPHER
(spoken)
Wait a moment
You say that you are from homicide
CIOFFI
(spoken)
Ah, well, yes
Based on preliminary autopsy it is clear that Jessica
Cranshaw was murdered
CHRISTOPHER
And what are they gonna do with her killer
I mean does he get some kind of trophy or Pontiac
convertible
CARMEN
Listen people
With Georgia taking over the lead
We go ourselves a real shot
The show is going on
What do ya say gang, are ya with me?
MAN 1
You know if we leave now
We can make that last train back to New York
(cast starts to all talk at once)
CARMEN
(spoken)
STOP!
(sung)
It’s clear that everyone of you
Is in perfect physical condition
So the show must go on
MAN 2
(spoken)
Why?
CARMEN
(sung)
Because as old as time itself
There is a grand theatrical tradition
That the show must go on
WOMAN
(spoken)
Forget it!
CARMEN
(sung)
I got a contract
You signed a contract
Go read your contract
And I will count to ten
And then I’ll sue you
Ah, yes, I’ll sue you
And when I sue you
You’ll never work again
MAN 3
(spoken)
Excuse me, but who is the equity representative
BAMBI
(spoken)
I am, Mrs. Bernstein
As equity deputy I must warn you
That any further threats
And you will be brought up on charges
CARMEN
(spoken)
Ah, SHUT UP, ELAINE!
BAMBI
(spoken)
The name is Bambi, mother.
CARMEN
(sung)
A-right, let’s put it this way
For the backers they keep asking your permission
To let the show go on
CARMEN
The show must go on
WOMAN
NOT A CHANCE!
CARMEN
The show must go on
Why?
CARMEN
Cause I say the show must go on
Company
Horse Shit
CIOFFI
(spoken)
I can’t believe I’m hearing this
I won’t believe it
Putting on a musical has gotta be the most fulfilling
thing a person could ever hope to do
You people you’re all heroes to me
(sung)
You’re a special kind of people known as show people
You live in a world of your own
The audience paid plenty to sit there and clap
Hearing you sing, watching you tap
Did you know your dentist longs to be in show business
Your window washer wants to be a star
And though your analyst may
Never couch it that way
CARMEN
(spoken)
Analyst, couch, ha ha.
CIOFFI
(sung)
You don’t know how lucky you are
Some policemen and detectives dream of show business
They can’t arrested, but still
They sit around the station and fancy this life
They jeer Sherlock Holes
And cheer Mack the Knife
CARMEN
Ask your cleaning lady, “Don’t you dream of show
business
To vocalize or stretch beside a bar?”
CIOFFI
Her affirmative shrug
As she shampoos your rug
CIOFFI & CARMEN
Let’s you know how lucky you are
There’s a special kind of aura
‘Round a show person
OSCAR
Just ask the next waiter you meet
CHRISTOPHER
He walks in fifth position
His voice is just grand
GEORGIA
He gives you the check
Ya give him a hand
If the boys in valet parking turned to show business
They could scalp a higher ticket for your car
OSCAR
And my tree surgeon now
Started taking a bow
(spoken)
A Bough, get it? B-o-u-g
EVERYONE ELSE
You don’t know how lucky you are
COMPANY
We’re a special kind of people known as show people
We live in a world of our own
Our days are tied to curtains
They rise and they fall
We’re born every night
At half-hour call
JOHNNY
(spoken)
Half hour!
COMPANY
We can’t picture being anything but show people
Civilians find the whole thing quite bizarre
But that hop in our hearts
When the overture starts
Helps us know how lucky we are
CARMEN
(spoken)
Show people
CARMEN
(spoken)
Show people
CARMEN
(spoken)
Come on!
Everybody
COMPANY
It’s an honor and a joy to be in show business
I feel that spotlight hit me and I’m gone
At the last curtain call
I’m the envy of all
So I know the show must
CARMEN
(sung)
GO ON!
COMPANY
So thrilling! We’re show people!
CARMEN
And on!
COMPANY
So willing! We’re show people!
CARMEN
And on!
COMPANY
So thrilling that show people
EVERYBODY
Money...Money
Money makes the world go around
...the world go around
...the world go around.
Money makes the world go around
It makes the world go 'round.
A mark, a yen, a buck or a pound
...a buck or a pound
...a buck or a pound.
Is all that makes the world go around
That clinking, clanking sound...
Can make the world go 'round
Money money money money
Money money money money
Money money money...
If you happen to rich
And you feel like a night's entertainment
You can pay for a gay escapade.
If you happen to be rich and alone
And you need a companion
You can ring (ting-a-ling) for the maid.
If you happen to be rich
And you find you are left by your lover,
And you moan and you groan quite a lot
You can take it on the chin,
Call a cab and begin to recover
On your 14-karat yacht! WHAT!?
Money makes the world go around
...the world go around
...the world go around.
Money makes the world go aroung
Of that we both are sure...
*rasberry sound* on being poor!
Money money money money
Money money money money
Money money money...
When you haven't any coal in the stove
And you freeze in the winter
And you curse to the wind at your fate.
When you haven't any shoes on your feet,
Your coat's thin as paper,
And you look 30 pounds underweight
When you go to get a word of advice
From the fat little pastor,
He will tell you to love evermore.
But when hunger comes to rap,
rat-a-tat rat-a-tat at the window
*knock knock* (at the window)
Who's there? (hunger) oh, hunger!!
See how love flies out the door...
For, money makes the world go around
...the world go around
...the world go around.
Money makes the world go 'round
The clinking, clanking sound of...
Money money money money
Money money money money...
Get a little, get a little
Money money money money...
Mark, a yen, a buck or a pound,
That clinking, clanking, clunking sound,
Is all that makes the world go 'round,
[SALLY]
You have to understand the way I am,
Mein Herr.
A tiger is a tiger, not a lamb.
Mein Herr.
You'll never turn the vinegar to jam,
Mein Herr.
So I do...
What I do...
When I'm through...
Then I'm through...
And I'm through...
Toodle-oo!
Bye-Bye, Mein Lieber Herr.
Farewell, mein Lieber Herr.
It was a fine affair,
But now it's over.
And though I used to care,
I need the open air.
You're better off without me,
Mein Herr.
Don't dab your eye, mein Herr,
Or wonder why, Mein Herr.
I've always told you I was a rover.
You mustn't knit your brow,
You should have known by now
You'd every cause to doubt me,
Mein, Herr.
The continent of Europe is so wide,
Mein Herr.
Not only up and down, but side to side,
Mein Herr.
I couldn't ever cross it if I tried,
Mein Herr.
So I do..
What I can...
Inch by inch...
Step by step...
Mile by mile...
Man by man.
Bye-Bye, Mein Lieber Herr.
Farewell, mein Lieber Herr.
It was a fine affair,
But now it's over.
And though I used to care,
I need the open air.
You're better off without me,
Mein Herr.
[SALLY AND GIRLS]
Don't dab your eye, mein Herr,
Or wonder why, Mein Herr.
I've always told you I was a rover.
You mustn't knit your brow,
You should have known by now
You'd every cause to doubt me,
Mein, Herr.
Bye-bye, mein Lieber Herr,
Auf wiedersehen, mein Herr.
Es war sehr gut, mein Herr
Und vorbei.
Du kennst mich wohl, mein Herr,
Ach, lebe wohl, mein Herr.
Du sollst mich nicht mehr sehen,
Mein Herr.
[SALLY]
Bye-bye, mein Lieber
[GIRLS]
Bye-bye, mein
Lieber Herr
[SALLY]
Herr...
[GIRLS]
Auf weidersehen,
Mein Herr.
Es war sehr gut,
[SALLY]
Und Vorbei.
[GIRLS]
Mein Herr
Und vorbei.
[SALLY]
Du kennst
Mich wohl,
[GIRLS]
Du kennst mich,
Wohl, mein
Herr,
[SALLY]
Mein Herr...
[GIRLS]
Ach, lebe
Wohl, mein
Herr.
Du sollst mich
Nicht mehr
Sehen,
[SALLY]
And bye-bye
[SALLY AND GIRLS]
Bye-Bye, Mein Lieber Herr;
Farewell, mein Lieber Herr.
It was a fine affair,
But now it's over.
And though I-
Used to care,
I need the-
Open air.
[SALLY]
You're better off
Without me,
[GIRLS]
Auf wiedersehen...
[SALLY]
You'll get on
Without me
[GIRLS]
Es war sehr gut...
[SALLY]
Mein
[GIRLS]
Du kennst nicht
[SALLY]
Herr...
[GIRLS]
Wohl...
Ach, lebe wohl!
Bye bye, mein
[SALLY]
Herr,...
[GIRLS]
Auf wiedersehen,...
Maybe this time, I'll be lucky
Maybe this time, he'll stay
Maybe this time
For the first time
Love won't hurry away
He will hold me fast
I'll be home at last
Not a loser anymore
Like the last time
And the time before
Everybody loves a winner
So nobody loved me;
'Lady Peaceful,' 'Lady Happy,'
That's what I long to be
All the odds are in my favor
Something's bound to begin
It's got to happen, happen sometime
[SCULTZ (spoken)]
You hesitate because you have never been married.
It frightens you. Believe me, it can work wonders...
How the world can change
It can change like that-
Due to one little word:
"married".
See a palace rise
From a two room flat
Due to one little word:
"Married".
And the old despair
That was often there
Suddenly ceases to be
For you wake one day,
Look around and say:
Somebody wonderful married me.
[FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER (spoken)]
You don't think it would be better simply to go
on as before?
[SCHULTZ]
[FRAULEIN KOST]
O wie wunderbar,
Nichts ist so wie-es-war,
Durch ein winziges wort:
"Heirat."
Aus dem erdgeschoss
Wird ein marchenschloss
Durch ein winziges wort:
"Heirat".
Und das grau
Wird auf einmal blau,
Wie noch kein blau jemals war.
Und dann steht man da,
Sagt beseligt'ja,
Heut'wird mein traum
Nicht so grau in grau.'
[whispered]
Ah! wie wunderbar,
Nichts ist so wie-es-war,
Durch ein winziges wort:
"Heirat."
Aus dem erdgeschoss
Wird ein marchenschloss
Durch ein winziges wort:
"Heirat".
[SCHULTZ]
And the old despair
[FRAULEIN KOST]
Und das grau
In grau
[SCHULTZ]
That was often there
[FRAULEIN KOST]
Wird auf einmal
Blau,
[SCHULTZ]
Suddenly ceases to be
[FRAULEIN KOST]
Heut nacht
Mein traum
Jemals war.
[SCHULTZ AND SCHNEIDER]
For you wake one day,
Look around and say:
[SCHULTZ]
"Somebody wonderful"
[FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER]
"Somebody wonderful"
[BOTH ]
So let's follow the yellow brick road in the wrong
direction, all the way
back to "Kansasland."
Sasha yee ha!
COME EVERY SECOND SUNDAY
OF EACH MONTH THROUGHOUT THE YEAR
THE WOMEN FOLK HEAD OUT FROM TOWN
TO GREET THE SOLDIERS HERE
WE BRING THEM HOME COOKED VITTLES!
YEAH, THAT's ALL THESE LADIES SHARE
THERE AIN't NO CHANCE FOR ROMANCE
WHEN THE DANCE IS STRICTLY SQUARE!
IN KANSASLAND
IN THE STRAW, WE NEVER STRAY
'CUZ IN KANSASLAND
YOU CAN't BE TOO GOOD IN THE HAY
IN KANSASLAND
DON't SHAKE THE SASSAFRASS!
BUT IN KANSASLAND
THERE's LOTS OF SPLENDOR IN THAT GRASS!
THESE LADIES SWEAR THE GOOD BOOK
IS THE ONE BOOK THEY BELIEVE
YET THINK ABOUT WHEN ADAM FOUND
HIMSELF ALONE WITH EVE
THERE WARN't NO PREACHER PRESENT
WHEN HE GAVE HIS MATE A WHIRL . . .
BUT WHERE'D WE BE IF EVE HAD NOT BEEN --
MMM -- THAT KIND OF GIRL?
IN KANSASLAND
WHERE THE PRAIRIE MEETS THE SKY . . .
IN KANSASLAND
AIN't NO FINER PLACE TO LIVE AND DIE
THAN KANSASLAND
YOUR VIRTUE NEVER FADES
'CUZ IN KANSASLAND
WE'RE ALWAYS SURE TO PULL THE SHADES!
(ENTER BAMBI as PRINCESS KICKAPOO.)
THERE CAME TO OLD FORT HENDERSON
YOUNG PRINCESS KICKAPOO!
WOO-WOO-WOO!
WHO KEPT HER WIGWAM WARM AT NIGHT
WITH EVERY SIOUX SHE KNEW!
HER TRIBAL DANCE IS WORTH A GLANCE
HER HIPS GO POW-WOW-WOW!
WHEN THIS PAPOOSE SAYS:
"LET's VAMOOSE!"
THE SOLDIERS CRY:
CARMEN:
I’VE NEVER BEEN KNOWN AS ONE OF THOSE STUPID CLUCKS
ELAINE
BAMBI:
Bambi
CARMEN:
WHO PISSES AWAY A LOT OF HER HARD EARNED BUCKS ELAINE
BAMBI:
Bambi
CARMEN:
BUT LET’S FACE IT YOUR COLORATURA SUCKS BAMBI,
THOUGH IT BREAKS YOUR MOTHER’S HEART,
FORGET ABOUT THE PART,
IT’S TIME FOR YOU TO KNOW
WHY I REALLY BACKED THIS SHOW.
YOU ASK ME FOR MY MOTIVES
WELL, YOU NEEDN’T BE SO SMART,
IT’S A BUSINESS.
IT ISN’T MAKING HISTORY,
IT ISN’T MAKING ART,
IT’S A BUSINESS.
SHAW AND IBSEN TAKE ‘EM AWAY,
AND DON’T BOTHER ME WITH MOLIERE,
THOSE RUSSIANS NEVER PAY.
SO GO ON CRITICISE ME,
PLEASE, PROCEED WITH YOUR ATTACK,
IT’S A BUSINESS
I PUT ONE MILLION IN
AND I EXPECT TWO MILLION BACK,
IT’S A BUSINESS
SO, WHAT CRIME HAVE I COMMITTED
IF I’ PUTTING UP A FIGHT
IT’S A BUSINESS
AND I WANT THOSE PAYING SUCKERS
OUT THERE GIVING ME THE BUSINESS
EVERY NIGHT
CARMEN:
Am I getting through to you Elaine?
BAMBI:
I’m sorry mother but to me the theatre is a temple
CARMEN:
What so it should only be filled on Shabbat? Give me a
hand fellas.
(they clap) Very funny. You know what I mean back me
CARMEN:
THE NOT FOR PROFIT THEATRES
DON’T NEED TO TURN A BUCK
THAT’S NOT BUSINESS
GUYS:
THAT’S NOT BUSINESS
CARMEN:
SO GIVE THEM LYSASTRATA
AND I WISH THEM LOTS OF LUCK
I DO BUSINESS
GUYS:
SHE DOES BUSINESS
CARMEN:
DORKY SCHMORKY
MONEY MISSPENT
YOU WON’T SURVIVE YOM KIUPPUR
YOU’LL NEVER GET THROUGH LENT
I ONCE KNEW A PRODUCER
WHOSE PROTENSION KNEW NO BOUNDS
IN THE BUSINESS
GUYS:
IN THE BUSINESS
CARMEN:
HE MOUNTED SAMUEL BECKETT
I DON’T MEAN IT LIKE IT SOUNDS
IT WAS BUSINESS
GUYS:
IT’S WAS BUSINESS
CARMEN:
SO NOW HE’S DOWN THE CRAPPER
WHILE I’M WORKING IN MY PRIME
IT’S A BUSINESS
GUYS:
IT’S A BUSINESS
CARMEN:
AND THE SHOWS I DO DO BUSINESS
CAUSE I REALLY KNOW MY BUSINESS
AND I’M GIVING THEM THE BUSINESS, HONEY
ALL THE TIME
BAMBI:
But what about the great poets of the stage
CARMEN:
Honey I put on the ice man cometh and nobody cameth
CARMEN:
TO STAGE HANDS
TO THE DRESSERS
TO MUSICIANS IN THE PIT
IT’S A BUSINESS
GUYS:
IT’S A BUSINESS
CARMEN:
THE OWNER OF THIS PREMESIS CLEANS UP IF WE’RE A HIT
HE’S IN BUSINESS
GUYS:
HE’S IN BUSINESS
CARMEN:
UNION WORKERS DON’T WORK FOR FREE
HEY HARRY ON THE SPOTLIGHT
BLINK TWICE IF YOU AGREE
See!
I’M NOT DEVOPID OF CULTURE
BUT MY FEET ARE ON THE FLOOR
IT’S A BUSINESS
GUYS:
IT’S A BUSINESS
CARMEN:
I DO THE KARMA SUTRA
WITH A RICHARD ROGERS SCORE
THAT’S GOOD BUSINESS
GUYS:
IT’S A BUSINESS
CARMEN:
YES GREEN’S MY FAVORITE COLOR,
AND I DON’T MEAN ON THE GRASS
IT’S A BUSINESS
GUYS:
IN A BUSINESS
CARMEN:
AND THE SHOWS I DO DO BUSINESS,
YES I’M GOOD AT DOIN’ BUSINESS,
AND IF YOU DON’T LIKE MY BUSINESS SWEETIE,
BLOW IT OUT YOUR…
GUYS:
IT’S A BUSINESS
CARMEN:
BUSINESS
ALL:
IT’S A BUSINESS
IT’S A BUSINESS
EMCEE:
I know what you're thinking—
You wonder why I chose her
Out of all the ladies in the world.
That's just a first impression—
What good's a first impression?
If you knew her like I do,
It would change your point of view.
If you could see her through my eyes,
You wouldn't wonder at all.
If you could see her through my eyes,
I guarantee you would fall like I did.
When we're in public together,
I hear society groan.
But if they could see her through my eyes,
Maybe they'd leave us alone.
How can I speak of her virtues?
I don't know where to begin:
She's clever, she's smart, she reads music,
She doesn't smoke or drink gin like I do.
Yet when we're walking together,
They sneer if I'm holding her hand.
But if they could see her through my eyes,
Maybe they'd all understand.
(Emcee and Gorilla dance)
Why can't they leave us alone.
Spoken:
Meine Damen und Herren, Mesdames and Messieurs
Ladies and Gentleman
I ask you: Is it a crime to fall in love?
Can we ever tell where the heart truly leads us?
All we are asking is eine bisschen Verstandnis
Why can't the world leben und leben lassen?
'Live and let live....'
I understand your objection,
I grant you the problem's not small.
But if you could see her through my eyes,
Cioffi (spoken):
You see what I'm saying? The song itself is kind of
lackluster. It lacks ..
Chris:
Yes?
Cioffi:
Luster.
Chris:
I agree. We need a completely new composition,
one that's catchier than pink eye. I'll leave you to
Cioffi:
Well, at least now you'll have a few minutes alone with
your piano.
Aaron:
Alone, yeah.
Cioffi:
Could I ask, only because
I've wondered this my entire life--which would normally
come first,
the music or the lyric?
Aaron:
Same answer as the chicken or the egg.
Cioffi:
Ah, so it's the lyric.
Aaron:
No. It can start with a note.
Which can become a phrase.
And then you try hanging words off each branch, like
trimming a tree.
Cioffi:
Sounds easy enough.
Aaron:
Really? Well don't talk about love
Or you'll have to say "fits like a glove"
Or "As certain as push comes to shove"
You will pine for the woman you're constantly thinking
You see the problem.
Cioffi:
Dangling participle. So you suggest staying away from
love?
Aaron:
At all costs. And don't mention your life
Or you'll have to say "cuts like a knife"
Or refer to the heartbreak and strife
When you find that you're missing your ...
Cioffi:
Missing?
Aaron:
What?
Cioffi:
You were saying what you miss.
Aaron:
No I meant that, well ...
(sung)I miss the music
I miss the song
Since she’s not with me
It comes out wrong
It doesn’t matter
How hard I try
I’ve lost the music
I don’t know why
You may have known
Before I met her
I wrote alone
But if you ask me
What I prefer
I’d say the music
I wrote with her
When you’re writing a song
And you’ve a partner
The room is filled with jokes and chatter
She says something
You say something
She writes a line
You play a vamp
But when you’re writing a song
Without a partner
That’s a completely different matter
No one tells you “That’s not funny”
No one says “Let’s cut that bar”
No one makes you better than you are
I can’t pretend
I miss the music
I miss my friend
No need to ask me
What I prefer
I choose the music
I wrote with her
I liked the music
I made with …
Georgia (spoken):
Aaron, I forgot my lyric. Can you believe it? Me.
Aaron:
Well you’re not the lyricist now, you’re the star.
Georgia? Break a leg.
Georgia:
Thanks. You can finish the song without me?
Aaron:
I’m a one-man band.
(sung)
I miss the music
I miss my friend
No need to ask me
What I prefer
I choose the music
I wrote with her
I loved the music
GEORGIA
(spoken)
You can’t sleep either
BOBBY
(spoken)
Knowing that somebody in this company is a killer
I thought I saw our Director sneakin’ around
GEORGIA
Murder is a very British thing, isn’t it.
I mean, it’s almost like a hobby over there
BOBBY
Yeah, you know if I had to bet
I’d say he did it
ENSEMBLE
Ahhhhhh
He did it He did it He did it He did it He did it He
did it
I’m sure
Although he appears with his posture and pious
His principles hardly are pure
It isn’t a stretch to believe it
That murderous motive was his
He did it He did it
He did it then hid it
And now he is off to a pris-on
NIKI
You can’t sleep either
AARON
Know that somebody in this company is a killer
I thought I saw Bambi sneaking around
Maybe she killed Jessica so that you could take over
the lead
And Bambi could have your part
NIKI
Oh, that’s silly.
She should have just killed me
I never said that
AARON
If you ask me
She did it
ENSEMBLE
Ahhhhhh
She did it She did it She did it She did it She did it
She did it
I know
With laughter she hung him
And after she strung him
He swung like a yo-yo High Low
The facts are not really surprising
Our morals are probably loose
She did it She did it
She did it then hid it
And now she is off to the hoose-gow
OSCAR/CHRISTOPHER
Ahhhh
OSCAR
You can’t sleep either
CHRISTOPHER
Knowing that somebody in this company is gonna change
my blocking
OSCAR
I think I saw Aaron and Georgia sneakin’ around
CHRISTOPHER
Yeah, some writing teams are always plottin’ on how to
do in the director
And they’re all quite, quite mad
I could easily believe that they did it
ENSEMBLE
Ahhhhhh
They did it They did it They did it They did it
I’ve worked with those losers before
They went right ahead
And they slaughtered two people
The same way they slaughtered the score
Well, this is the end of their output
Their future is not worth a thing
They did it They did it
They did it then hid
And soon they’ll be going to sing-sing
ENSEMBLE
(overlapping)
He did it He did it He did it He did it He did it He
did it
I’m sure
Although he appears with his posture and pious
His principles hardly are pure
It isn’t a stretch to believe it
That murderous motive was his
He did it He did it
He did it then hid it
And now he is off to a pris-on
ENSEMBLE
(overlapping)
She did it She did it She did it She did it She did it
She did it
I know
With laughter she hung him
And after she strung him
He swung like a yo-yo High Low
The facts are not really surprising
Our morals are probably loose
She did it She did it
She did it then hid it
And now she is off to the hoose-gow
ENSEMBLE
(overlapping)
They did it They did it They did it They did it
I’ve worked with those losers before
They went right ahead
And they slaughtered two people
The same way they slaughtered the score
Well, this is the end of their output
Their future is not worth a thing
They did it They did it
They did it then hid
EMCEE:
Meine Damen und Herren—Mesdames et Messieurs—Ladies and
Gentlemen.
Where are your troubles now? Forgotten? I told you so! We
have no troubles here.
Here life is beautiful—the girls are beautiful —
even the orchestra is beautiful.
EMCEE:
Auf wiedersehen!
A bientot!
Cioffi (spoken): Detectives have no opening night, Miss
Harris.
We make our entrance after the curtain has fallen on
someone else’s life.
Niki (spoken): It isn’t wrong to be married to one’s
work, is it?
Cioffi: Uh, no. No, not at all. Sometimes it’s no
Honeymoon.
I love my job
I really do
And if I say so myself
I’m good at it too
I catch the bad guys
Well, most of the time
So it’s a good life
A perfectly good life
Not exactly sublime
When I’ve finished my work
And I crawl into bed
I reflect as I turn out the lights
That the day that’s to come
And the week that’s ahead will be
Lunch counter mornings
And coffee shop nights
Lunch counter mornings
And coffee shop nights
Niki(spoken): Well, it’s reassuring to have such a
dependable schedule,
like matinees every Wednesday
Cioffi(spoken): Or Brisket and broad beans each
Thursday
Niki (spoken): With your friends
Cioffi: With, uh, yeah, well…
I like my pals
The guys on the force
We’re not very social
They’re all married of course
Sometime we go bowling
Or have a few beers
So it’s a fine life
A perfectly fine like
I’d give it two cheers
‘Cuz sometimes I think
At the end of the day
When I’ve read the last burglar his rights
That the life that I lead
Is a little bit grey
With its lunch counter mornings
And coffee shop nights
Lunch counter mornings
And coffee shop nights
Niki (spoken): But your acting roles. Well, don’t they
make for a change?
Cioffi(spoken): Oh, Miss Harris, each year from May
23rd to the 12th of June,
when I turn my life over to the Swallow Street
Players, that’s more than a vacation for me.
It’s an overture of hope. It’s the curtain rising on
the greatest joy of my life.
(singing)
But the rest of the year
The life that I lead
That’s a little bit grey
There are plenty of low days
And not many highs
Mostly lunch counter mornings
And coffee shop nights
Cioffi (spoken): I don’t mean to sound forward, but
might I walk you home?
Niki(spoken): Oh, I’d be delighted, but you said we’re
What good is sitting alone in your room?
Come hear the music play.
Life is a Cabaret, old chum,
Come to the Cabaret.
Put down the knitting,
The book and the broom.
Time for a holiday.
Life is Cabaret, old chum,
Come to the Cabaret.
Come taste the wine,
Come hear the band.
Come blow your horn,
Start celebrating;
Right this way,
Your table's waiting
No use permitting
soem prophet of doom
To wipe every smile away.
Come hear the music play.
Life is a Cabaret, old chum,
Come to the Cabaret!
I used to have a girlfriend
known as Elsie
With whom I shared
Four sordid rooms in Chelsea
She wasn't what you'd call
A blushing flower...
As a matter of fact
She rented by the hour.
The day she died the neighbors
came to snicker:
"Well, thats what comes
from to much pills and liquor."
But when I saw her laid out like a Queen
She was the happiest...corpse...
I'd ever seen.
I think of Elsie to this very day.
I'd remember how'd she turn to me and say:
"What good is sitting alone in your room?
Come hear the music play.
Life is a Cabaret, old chum,
Come to the Cabaret."
And as for me,
I made up my mind back in Chelsea,
When I go, I'm going like Elsie.
Start by admitting
From cradle to tomb
Isn't that long a stay.
Life is a Cabaret, old chum,
Only a Cabaret, old chum,
