Foxworthy, Jeff Filmography

• Bounty Hunters (2013)
• Bounty Hunters (2013)
• The American Bible Challenge (2012)
• The Week the Women Went (2012)
• Crackerjack (2012)
• CMT's Biggest Laughs (2012)
• Crackerjack (2012)
• Them Idiots Whirled Tour (2012)
• The Smurfs (2011)
• The 37th Annual Daytime Emmy Awards (2010)
• Blue Collar Comedy: Ten Years of Funny (2010)
• I Am Comic (2010)
• Tecomate Whitetail Nation (2010)
• The Gulf Is Back (2010)
• Best of CMT Music Awards (2009)
• 2009 Game Show Awards (2009)
• Comedy Central Roast of Larry the Cable Guy (2009)
• Andrew Young Presents (2008)
• Larry the Cable Guy's Star-Studded Christmas Extravaganza (2008)
• 2007 CMT Music Awards (2007)
• 2007 CMT Music Awards Red Carpet (2007)
• The 9th Annual Family Television Awards (2007)
• CMT: The Greatest - 20 Greatest Country Comedy Shows (2006)
• Henry Cho: Whats That Clickin' Noise? (2006)
• The CMT Music Awards 2006 (2006)
• Legends: Rodney Dangerfield (2006)
• Redneck Comedy Roundup 2 (2006)
• The Fox and the Hound 2 (2006)
• Blue Collar Comedy Tour: One for the Road (2006)
• Blue Collar Comedy Tour: One for the Road (2006)
• Racing Stripes (2005)
• Redneck Comedy Roundup (2005)
• Class Dismissed: How TV Frames the Working Class (2005)
• The Ron White Show (2005)
• American Revolutions: Country Comedy (2005)
• The CMT Music Awards (2005)
• The 31st Annual People's Choice Awards (2005)
• Do You Speak American? (2005)
• Comedy Central Roast of Jeff Foxworthy (2005)
• Blue Collar TV (2004)
• Blue Collar Comedy Tour Rides Again (2004)
• The 39th Annual Academy of Country Music Awards (2004)
• The Fabulous Fox (2004)
• You Might Be a Redneck If.../Check Your Neck (2004)
• Comedy Central Presents: 100 Greatest Stand-Ups of All Time (2004)
• Blue Collar Comedy Tour Rides Again (2004)
• Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie (2003)
• Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie (2003)
• Inside TV Land: 40 Greatest Theme Songs (2002)
• Just for Laughs: Montreal Comedy Festival (2001)
• You Gotta Be Kidding! (2000)
• Inside TV Land: The Andy Griffith Show (2000)
• Jeff Foxworthy: Totally Committed (1998)
• Jeff Foxworthy: Totally Committed (1998)
• The 32nd Annual Academy of Country Music Awards (1997)
• The 22nd Annual People's Choice Awards (1996)
• Funniest Comedy Duos (1996)
• Classic Stand-Up Comedy of Television (1996)
• The 30th Annual Academy of Country Music Awards (1995)
• Hot Country Jam '94 (1994)
• Jeff Foxworthy: Check Your Neck (1993)
• Jeff Foxworthy: Check Your Neck (1993)
• Jeff Foxworthy: Check Your Neck (1993)
• Banner Times (1993)
• Bob Hope and Other Young Comedians: The World Laughs, Young and Old (1992)
• Rodney Dangerfield: Opening Night at Rodney's Place (1989)

• Lyrics: play full screen play karaoke
• Twas The Night After Christmas - Jeff Foxworthy
• Totally Committed - Jeff Foxworthy
• The Clampetts Go To Maui - Jeff Foxworthy
• Seek and Destroy - Jeff Foxworthy
• Redneck 12 Days Of Christmas - Jeff Foxworthy
• Party All Night - Jeff Foxworthy
• Introduction - Jeff Foxworthy
• Copenhagen - Jeff Foxworthy

Twas the night after Christmas and all through the trailer,
The beer had gone flat and the pizza was staler,
The tube socks hung empty, no candies or toys,
I was camped out on my old La-Z-Boy,
The kids they weren't talking to me or my wife,
The worst Christmas they said they had had in their lives,
My wife couldn't argue and neither could I,
So I watched TV and my wife, she just cried
When out in the yard the dog started barkin'
I stood up and looked and saw Sheriff Larkin
He yelled, "Roy I amd sworn to uphold the laws
And I got a complaint from a feller named Clause."
I said, "Clause, I don't know nobody named Clause,
And you ain't takin me in without probable cause."
Then the Sheriff he said, "The man was shot at last night."
I said, "That might've been me, just whats he look like?
The Sheriff replied, "Well he's a jolly old feller, with a big beer gut belly
That shakes when he laughs like a bowl full of jelly
He sports a long beard and a nose like a cherry."
I said, "That sounds like my wife's sister Sherri."
"It's no time for jokes Roy," the Sheriff he said,
"The man I'm describing is dressed all in red
I'm here for the truth now, it's time to come clean,
Tell me what you done, and tell me what you seen."
Well I started to lie then I thought what the hell
It wouldn't be the first time I spent New Years in jail.
I said, "Sheriff it happened last night about ten,
I thought that my wife had been drinking again."
When she walked in from works she was white as a ghost
I thought maybe she'd seen one of them UFO's
But she said that a bunch of deer had just flown over her head
And stopped on the roof of our good neighbor Red,
Well I ran outside to look and the sight made me shutter,
A freezer full of venison standing right on Red's gutter.
Well, my hands were a shaking as I grabbed my gun,
When outta Red's chimney this feller did run
And slung on his back was this bag overflowin'
I thought he'd stolen Red's stuff while old Red was out bowlin'
So I yelled, "Drop it fat boy, hands in the air."
But he went about his business like he hadn't a care
So I popped off a warning shot over his head,
Well he dropped that bag and he jumped in that sled,
And as he flew off i heard him extort,
"Thats assault with intent Roy, I'll see you in court."Ill tell you what sheriff if you put a subnet
on me I wont show up ill hold up in the cellar
and you’ll never rout me outta there
so why don’t you just
turn car off come
in well watch wrestling eat some
Easter bunny stew and talk about howta catch that tooth fairy

Hi I'm Jeff Foxworthy and i have got a wonderful woman that i am totally committed to
Always figured if something was worth doing it was worth doing right
You ever see those dead possum lying in the road they were partially committed
Rule #1 if she aint happy you aint happy and if she aint happy long enough your gonna be unhappy with half your
Stuff
Early on in our marriage when wed be in the same room for a half hour and she didn't say a word a word to me i would make the mistake of looking at her a saying what's wrong? Hoping it was something other than me.
Now i have learned If were in the same room for a half hour and she doesnt't say a word to
Me. it's ME. Now i just go up to her and say baby i realize i have done or said something stupid and insensitive and while i don't yet know what it is i would like to go up to my room and think about it for a little while.
This games been played for centurys
Ever since Adam fell for Eve
The sooner you'll learn the better off you'll be
Just like me
Totally Committed
I've learned early on in our relationship that women are complicated creatures
Once i had accepted that it made a lot of things easier for me
But i have found that because women are complicated they like to think men are complicated too.
You ever hear a group of women talking to each other " OOO i wish i knew what
He was really thinking" Ladies I'll tell you what were really thinking
Were really thinking "I'd like a beer and i'd like to see something naked"
That's all were thinking You go to a nursing home and see a 90 year old man going down the hall on
A walker that's what he's thinking "I'd like a beer and I'd like to see something naked"
This games been played for centurys
Ooh not that not that
Ever since Adam fell for Eve
The sooner you'll learn the better off you'll be
Just like me
Totally Committed
And i do belive what women understand men better than men understand women
Think about that
How often do you see a man stomp out of a room crying and have a woman go
"What, What'd I say?" Come Back
And i do think men would take advice on relationships but were not gonna sit down and read magazines about it. You got to feed it to us in a way were we'd accept it. Sneak it into the play-by-play of a baseball game
"and there's strike Three Greg Maddux looking really good today. Speaking of looking good fellas from time to time your woman needs to be reminded that she's still looking good to you" Hey Baby have i told you lately you are as pretty as Greg Maddux?
This games been played for centurys
Baby where ya goin?
Ever since Adam fell for Eve
The sooner you'll learn the better off you'll be
Just like me
I keep telling ya i am Totally Committed
Now repeat after me
Totally Committed
Now baby what i meant to say is when your naked you are prettier than Greg
Maddux
You really are

I'll give you an idea of what kind of family mine is
This is a true story
About 9 or 10 months ago I did somethin I had always wanted to do
I cashed in all my frequent flyer miles
I took everybody in my family to Hawaii, 13 people
Thinkin this would be the vacation of a lifetime
It ended up bein the Clampetts go to Maui!
Cuz you get my family together and there is an empty K-mart somewhere!
They showed up at the airport they were usin coolers and grocery bags for luggage
The sky cap was like "which ones yours? the samsonite?"
They were like, "no we got the igloo with the duct tape on it and the 5 piggly wiggly bags right there!"
At the ticket counter I asked my mother, i said "mom would you like to sit next to the window?"
She goes "oh i better not, i just had my hair fixed."
And on the plane, the movie they were showin on the plane was Homeward Bound The Incredible Journey
5 minutes into this movie my brother turns to me and goes, "You know that ain't them dogs real voice!"
My sister got mad, "well thanks for spoilin it for everybody else!"
And we were stayin right on the beach, in fact the whales were migrating through
You could stand on the balcony and watch whales come up out of the water
First morning there, my brothers out there goin "man i wish i had a gun with a scope on it!"
"How much does it cost to mount a whale?! ANYBODY KNOW?!"
I'd have to get a bigger trailer i'll tell ya that!
And you could tell which rooms were ours
Ours were the ones with the underwear hangin off the rail!
According to the manager, the sight of the only peeing for distance contest they had ever had!
Which I am ashamed to say my Aunt Rose won in the second round!
We are a classy bunch!
My uncle Doug kept askin, "When we gonna convert our money to Hawaiin money?"
This is the same uncle Doug, we went to a luau and you know how they always ask people to volunteer to hula dance?
Ol' Doug volunteered.
Halfway through the dance we all realize Doug's not wearin any underwear underneath his hula skirt!
We asked him about it later and he goes, "well when i went to put my skirt on i noticed i had a hole in my drawers and I didnt wanna embarrass myself!"
Dang Doug, you thought this out!
And there's my family, I love em, they're good people...
They just dont get out much!
Mainly because of that "no shirt no shoes" rule
They love that hotel though
God, they stole everything from that place
They stole the ashtrays while we were checkin in!
Didnt even dump the sand out of em! Just picked em up and walked out!
Stole everything, I mean you get outta the shower and your dryin off with toilet paper cuz tehy ahve teh towels in teh piggly wiggly bags
And one day one of the maids made the mistake of goin to lunch and leavin her cart out in the hall...
They were on that like a pack of dogs on a 3 legged cat! Picked it clean!
I asked my brother later i said, "what are you gonan do with 180 shower caps?!"
He said, "Christmas presents!"

There's nothin like bein in love an' starin at a big ol' moon.
Hell, when I was in high school, a drive by shooting meant
somebody had their rear end hangin outta car window.
Got a few mooners in the croud.
Where ya good?
I was All-State my senior year.
Wasn't moonin a great sport, nobody ever got hurt....
you didn't have to be in shape to play...
Hell, the fatter you where the more ya brought to the window.
Chorus:
Big ol moon, I see you shinin,
till I surprised you smilin bright in the afternoon..
Now i know where you've been hidin,
There's nothin like bein in love,
and starin at a big ol moon.
We used to play this game called Seek and Destroy.
What we do, we get in my dad's crysler with the Electric windows..
my two best friends: Bomber one, and Bomber two would be in the backseat,
with their pants to their ankles.
Chorus
Bomber One to Mother Hen, come in Mother Hen.
Go ahead Bomber One.
Ahh, yeah, permission to fire on a seventy-seven ford galaxy in the left hand lane.
Permission granted Bomber One, lowering left rear bomb hatch now...
Chorus
AHH! Perfect hit!
Their in the ditch!
Granny is outta the car, and clutching her chest,

Guy1:Somebody done been to the wal*mart
Guy2:Man this is the stuff I got for christmas
Guy1:You cleaned up, what you get?
Five Flanel Shirts
Four big mud tires
Three shot gun shells
Two huntin' dogs
And some parts to a Mustange G.T
Guy1:You fool!You got jipped! thar's twelve days of Christmas!
Guy2:I know that look over there in the corner.
Guy1:Thats yours too?
Guy2:Yeah
Twelve Pack a Bud
Elevin wrastlin' tickets
Ten acopenhagen
Nine years probation
Eight Table dancers
Seven packs of redman
Six cans of spam
Five Flanel Shirts
Four big mud tires
Three shot gun shells
Two huntin' dogs
And some parts to a Mustange G.T
Guy1:Man these aint normal Christmas presents!
Guy2:Naw they redneck gifts.
Guy1:Redneck gifts?
Guy2:Yeah, like when you buy your wife earrings that double as fishen luers, or if you can burp the entire chorus of jingle bells, or if you think the nutcracker is something you did off the high dive, or if you've ever miss spelled anything in christmas lights, or if you leave cold beer and pickeled eggs for santa clause.
Guy1:whats wrong with that?
Guy2:i didnt say anything was wrong with it, its hard to beat
Twelve Pack a Bud
Elevin wrastlin' tickets
Ten acopenhagen
Nine years probation
Eight Table dancers
Seven packs of redman
Six cans of spam
Five Flanel Shirts
Four big mud tires
Three shot gun shells
Two huntin' dogs
And some parts to a Mustange G.T
Guy1:Well you know you cant consider it a Christmas unless you go down to the penitenturary and visit your momma.
Guy2:You're not listenin' to me get the car key out of your ear, that where the nine years probation comes in. im a do it for you again, now listen
Twelve Pack a Bud
Elevin wrastlin' tickets
Ten acopenhagen
Nine years probation
Eight Table dancers
Seven packs of redman
Six cans of spam
Five Flanel Shirts
Four big mud tires
Three shot gun shells
Two huntin' dogs
And some parts to a Mustange G.T
Guy2:Are you cryin'?
Guy1:naw just my allergies

Gonna party all night ‘till the sun comes up,
We won’t stop dancin’ ‘till we had enough.
There ain’t no boss and there ain’t no phone,
Gonna party all night, ‘till the cows come home.
Gonna party all night ‘till the sun comes up,
We won’t stop dancin’ ‘till we had enough.
There ain’t no boss and there ain’t no phone,
Just loud country music on the radio.
Gonna party all night, gonna live it up.
Bubba gonna puke in the pick up truck.
If you got the blues, well, lets hit the road.
Gonna party all night, ‘till the cows come home.
Gonna party all night ‘till the sun comes up,
We won’t stop dancin’ ‘till we had enough.
There ain’t no boss and there ain’t no phone,
Just loud country music on the radio.
Gonna party all night, gonna live it up.
Bubba gonna puke in the pick up truck.
If you got the blues, well, lets hit the road.
Gonna party all night, ‘till the cows come home.

If you've ever been on television more than 5 times
discribing what the tornadoe sounded like...
You might be a redneck.
If you've ever cut your grass and found a car...
you might be a redneck.
If your dad walks you to school because your in the same grade...
you might be a redneck.
If you've ever been too drunk to fish...
If somebody asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle..
If every day somebody comes to your house mistakenly thinking your having a yard sale.
If you've ever had to haul a can of paint to defend your sister's honor..
You might be a redneck.
If your dog and your wallet are both on a chain...
you might be a redneck.
They always make fun of the way I talk, I keep telling them I said your gonna be
real surprised when you get into the habit in St. Petersburg and say,
"Yo'all get into the truck, we goin up to the big house."
If you've ever financed a tattoo....
If you've ever made change in the offering plate...
you might be a redneck.
we have words in the south they don't have in other parts of the country..
Now, you come to the south, we have words like...you'ant to.
We goin to the mall, you'ant to?
What letter does that start with, does anybody know?
I like this word alot...aight.
That's a word in Texas...aight.
Round lunch time every day, you'll hear somebody say,
"hey didja eat yet, naw, didju? You'ant to. Aight."
If you go to the family reunion to meet women....
If you smoked during your wedding....
you might be a redneck.
And last but not least
if you see a sign that says say no to crack,
and it reminds you to pull your jeans up...

Well I went out last friday night with lil Mary Anne
She said please stay til mornin and she grabbed me by the can
She layed a big one on me, woo, suprised me with her tongue
But her suprise was waitin there between my cheek and gum
(Copenhagen!)
Not a woman getter
(Copenhagen!)
You can see it in my smile
(Copenhagen!)
I admit that I'm a spitter
(Copenhagen!)
It'll drive your woman wild
So I went to the movies with my lil Peggy Sue
I had my dip there in my lip just like I always do
She didn't see me spittin in my Coca-Cola cup
She took a big ol swaller and gave that popcorn up!
(Copenhagen!)
It makes my dentist quesy
(Copenhagen!)
You can see it in my smile
(Copenhagen!)
Hey hey quittin's not that easy
(Copenhagen!)
It'll drive your woman wild
The moral of the story is kinda sad but true
But if you stay til breakfast they'll wanna marry you
So if she's comin on too strong don't worry and don't pout
Just dip some Copenhagen if you wanna snuff her out
(Copenhagen!)
It's not a fever blister
(Copenhagen!)
You can see it in my smile
(Copenhagen!)
Haha I learned it from my sister
(Copenhagen!)
It will drive your woman wild
(Copenhagen!)

Famous quotes by Jeff Foxworthy:

"I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did."

"My whole career can be summed up with 'Ignorance is bliss.' When you do not know better, you do not really worry about failing."

"If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck."

"Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?"

"You may be a redneck if . . . you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education."

"Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother -- you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it."

"You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not "professional" any more"

"[Watching a baby being born] is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door."

"If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty."

"The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."

"The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any more."

"If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'"

"The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He's got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him."

"Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling."

"I say, If everybody in this house lives where it's God first, friends and family second and you third, we won't ever have an argument."

"Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately."

"Nothing in life prepares you to be famous."

"I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points."

"If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck."

"Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door."