Society and religion teach us to love one another,
To follow the frameworks,
That filled their empty lives - empty minds.
The pressure I feel,
Is fucking unreal.
Why can't they see my inability to love?
Why can't they open their eyes?
All they see is what they want to see.
They see their vision of me; it's not me!
How can I love others when I can't love myself?
The pain I've felt has destroyed the love in me.
My frustration increases into a silent scream.
Where is the relief? When can I be free?
I have tried to love but it can never be.
Hate is all I can ever feel.
To dwell on death is love for me:
[Music - Greg, Bryan, Stuart. 9/1992]
Avert my eyes to prevent the falling,
Some things should not be seen
And if I dare glance
The quickening travels swiftly,
To take leave of my senses
Excess in place of sleep
Cathartic,
Still, yet restless amidst this elucidation
The red mist contorts, distorts,
Blasting through my mind
Destroying all rational thought
Reflections of dissolution
A malevolent labyrinth
Spurious, blinding
Unforgiving reality
This fantastic chaos that contains everything the mind
could imagine,
But mostly would not care to see
Merely breathing
Searching for that elusive purpose that drives us,
But we know not where
Time will eventually scrub me from existence
Staring as I prepare to leave this mortal coil
To pass through these portals
To the gateway of experience
I release, into this sense of falling
Hallucinations flood my eyes
Thoughts, memories pouring through
Racing unchartered (sic) vessels,
Evolving through this twisted, psychotropic journey
Drifting within waves of consciousness
Momentum gathers swiftly
Pulsing, gathering intensity
Deeper still,
Nausea rising from the depths,
Bent double with psychosis,
As vomit and blood spew forth
Time and space distort as the earth pulls me down,
Into a place I have never perceived
Clawing for reason,
Imprisoned within my own delusions
Pouring frantic visions into my eyes
Between drowning and burning alive,
Forcing each breath,
Through thoughts that endanger the being
Lost within the throes of madness,
Anxiety tearing the foundations of my mind
Drifting through the otherworld,
Slowly it subsides
When the spoken words make less sense than those unspoken
And resentment is all that is left to give
Still we go through with the facade
Wasting our time humouring insanities
And know so well
Sense has no place here
Fire, running with abandonment
Until there's no place left to burn
Did those eyes drown?
Did the soul slip so far down it became lost?
Is the only spirit left, the one that passes the lips?
An age of destruction
I watch, my disbelief waiting for change
The will for resolution faded fast
And in the end, it stands for nothing, counts for nothing
Tis like a funeral march
Driving towards the death
Doubt stripping the soul
Unending questions driving me into insanity
Time took its toll,
Enough to ensure,
The mind cannot mirror the soul
With each tide,
The will corrodes further
Relentless grip,
Squeezing out the life,
Of this shipwrecked body,
Lost in the gallows of hopes and dreams...
Reality crumbles,
Shivering, as truth lay bare
Falling
Through empty platitudes
And frozen comforts
Drifting
There is no consolation
Obsolecense (sic) surrounds me
Calling
Unheard I scream
A destitute awareness
I had nothing
I have nothing
I watch them all
Smiling
A beautiful dream of ignorance
I see them all
Worshipping (sic)
Waiting for their end
They have nothing
There is nothing
Unable to rest
Nothing left but angst
Not even one moment of tranquility awaits
Figures passing by,
Time moves on,
But each part at a different pace
Atrophied,
Unable to connect
To the paths that find peace
Addled to no longer feel
Destroying the self...
Consuming death...
Although we may rationalise (sic),
Nurture our fate
Nothing can prepare or compare with
This immeasurable sense of loss
All can be calm
Until that thought arises
And plummets toward the ground
Time passes like the dripping of a tap
And sleep, becomes that time when the body can no longer
be awake
Each morning, eyes blearier than the night before
But it had passed,
As I was there within it
Watching over as if through the eyes of another
Through conscious repetition,
But my thoughts were elsewhere
Longing, but unable to take the steps
That might continue this journey
Indignant in this bleak landscape, that no longer binds
Each serene moment, accompanied by another full of dread
And I resolve,
To that familiar feeling time tries so hard to bury
I have a million questions. but no will to ask.
Through chaos. rationale speaks clearly.
Decay sets in amongst the fragments...
Such weight lies within knowledge.
Crippled by thought.
Eyes that see too much lose the will to see.
And the pain that spills from these walls.
Blasts through this withered body.
The circle has begun.
Time is not won.
Losing this battle to remain.
In this place.
I dare not dream.
For awakening the demons that will find me.
Blinded by madness.
Such endless probability.
And I must know every thing and every thought
And I must uncover all answers sought.
For sleep eludes when this frustration taunts.
And drives me to release.
Or travel towards end.
So dead inside.
And all but to live on.
Burning from within.
Maddened eyes.
Filled with boiling blood.
Sullen.
Grow sharper with the pain.
To rest now.
'Tis but a fucking grey day for me now.
One that I care not to meet.
Wherefore is this grey fucking day,
That I should sit in here now?
Now of all times,
For all times have been now,
Until they became then.
And it grates upon these very nerves,
That move my body amongst the living.
As they seethe,
Shaking their anger throughout my bones... as if to escape...
Such a need to explode.
For this time ticks slowly,
Through this, the greyest of all days.
Waiting for now to become then.
And it tears me apart,
But I cannot escape this terrible pain.
Ripping, devouring the bones within my flesh.
Draining my life's blood.
And wherefore is this fucking grey day,
That I should sit in here again?
And what?
What fucking tale to tell now?
Of tears uncried?
Only the sweat of writhing agony.
The eyes she'd no tears...
This air of silence,
Breathes through the sullen mist.
Transparent winds,
Ease these age-old wounds.
As stale thoughts disappear,
Through Morpheus pathways.
I am in wake but dreaming.
This warmth annuls,
As time drew slowly upon this wretch of life.
Weary sighs of condolence never did urge with zest,
The fire within hands made to rest.
Swallow me within sin,
This blood flows free through my veins.
Procure my will through lascivious rite.
Delving subliminal realms,
As lust invites me to stay,
Engulfed within flesh.
Casting gaze at the puppets,
Acting out their play.
Their slightly wooden frames,
Stretched and splintered by their masters.
Crawling beneath their minds' eye.
Those whom follow, reflect,
And do not become.
Not to be... Not to be...
Their words waste my time here,
With their fragrantless tones.
A veil to distract those whom wouldst live.
To create,
Not to serve.
I walk amongst the shadows of the dead,
Thoughts bleeding into the ether.
I cry and my eyes spill blood onto the floor.
Acheron flows in silence,
And the noise intensifies my pain.
No will to speak.
Not even enough hope left to weep. Anymore…
I travel on through the noise,
Searching for relief.
Distorting my mind.
Only when intoxication distorts is the time I can laugh,
When clear I laugh only through scorn.
For I have seen of the blackest,
And each sight hath taken from me.
Such misery…
Such sorrow…
Such desolation…
Such death…and I've travelled for it in times of silence.
Close to death so many times.
When my hope's been shattered,
When my anger's been unbound.
And my torn soul has cried out for death.
Killing myself through constant abuse,
But I have always awoken,
My scars still bleeding,
And the noise it still carries on…
(Music – Greg. Winter 1993/94)
I look back at nothing,
Questioning my singulation for pain.
The torment, the tears that flowed.
Living my death every day.
Seeing my death and fantasising regret from those I once cared for.
The foolish dreams of my once young mind.
Now void of hope.
Aged so quickly before it's time.
And no one could see or hear me,
Confusion was my only friend.
In the dark I grew,
Twisted and torn from the intense cold that poured over me,
I searched and found,
In the dark so long that now I may see,
Through humanities' ignorance, lies and stupidity.
But the pain still breathes inside of me.
Pain. Pain. Inside of me…
(Music – Bryan. Autumn/Winter 1993)
Disgust for the standards set by you,
Disgust for your aims of mass control.
Freedom is your silencing mechanism,
Fortunately for you people are too blind and ignorant to see,
That while you exist they will never be free.
Your lies of freedom I spit upon,
From birth you have calculated our control.
Born as a number on your little machines.
A number to check upon, to keep under control.
Now to the blind I'll help you see,
That you are born under a contract laid down by society,
Obligations to obey their laws, no freedom of speech.
You are one mind, they are many.
Justice has been decided by the narrow-minded bastards
Who lived centuries ago, leading the fools,
With the commandments of their false "God" they made up the rules.
Fuck your morals I have my own mind,
To decide what is best for me.
You know nothing of psychology, only of fantasy,
And love of order in your tidy, empty lives.
From lies you built the order of society,
Scepticism your enemy, you try to make people believe,
From an early age so that they cannot retrieve,
Their instincts of life and questioning, so that they just
Follow blindly, but you'll never blind me.
I have only hatred for those in authority,
And the blind fools who follow.
So weak in spirit, never questioning.
I have only hate for this fucking society.
So weak.
I have only hate for this fucking society.
(Music – Gordon. 10/1993)
(Lyrics – Greg. 10/1993)
Bereft promises made unto me,
I always remember watching them fade.
Upon winds of blackened torment,
The promises' I couldn't see.
For they are just words,
And your words are empty.
Lies…Lies…
"Ilasa micalazoda olapireta ialpereji beliore: das odo
Busadire Oiad ouoresa caosago: casaremeji Laiada eranu
Berinutasa cafafame das ivemeda aqoso adoho Moz, od
Maofasa. Bolape como belioreta pamebeta. Zodocare od
Zodameranu! Odo cicale Qaa. Zodoreje, lape zodiredo Noco
Mada, hoathahe Saitan!"
Lies are all humanity knows,
For if they spoke truth it would show,
That they are nothing but a shadow of each other.
Confusion and lies engulf me,
The bastard humans disgust me.
I scream alone in the mountains, venting my hate,
Calling forth emptiness to surround me.
So that I may see clearly with my mind,
The words they use to try to blind me.
I can see.
No one keeps their promises,
No one ever cares,
And neither do I anymore.
Humanities demise is what I lust for.
(Quote taken from the 18th Enochian Key – "The Satanic Bible" – Anton Szandor LaVey)
(Music – Gordon, Greg. 8/1993)
I Ponder Eternity
Longing For The Keys Of Time
To Wrap Me In Their Infinite Knowledge
The Incongruous Symphony Crashes Through The Waves
Of My Thoughts
I Am Not Of Flesh...
When Waves Of Sublime Thought, Coarse Through My Veins
Symbolic Release Of Sorrow
Makes Way For The Impending Vision
I Am Where Space Nor Time Could Not Be
Suddenly...Disembodied...
Lost In The Vortex Of Insanity
(I Am) Quickened By The Poison
Yet Deadened By The Pain
Unable To Breathe, I Release The Beast From Within
No Conscious Thought
Cimmerian Voyage Transcends
Searing Through Endless Planes
Exalted Streams Of Consciousness
Plant Mine Will Into The Seeds Of Time
"Senses, Elucidated
(Visions Of Thought Cast Before Me)
Logic Dictates No Longer
To The Workings Of Time"
Such Nonsensical Truths
Caress My Sumptuous Blood
Envelop Me In This Forbidden Arcanum
I, The Seer Of My Destiny
The Harbinger Of Despair
Slumber Into The Enticement Of Sorrows
Through The Quiescent Halls Of Existence
The Freedom Of Chaos....
The Secret Of The Secret....
The walls ripple...closing in...
Driven forth...transcending streams of consciousness
As reason oppresses instinct.
Departure draws near until end.
That first and only certainty.
And cause, some random inheritor of our misguided designs.
Not adorned with.
Except for the few who dare to visit this place.
Never to be staid in unquestioned days.
But to roam free.
Shattering the banal conclusion.
Difference brings disrepute.
All anarchic flood of rage.
And fate may forsake.
For the journey twists as you had it planted.
The seeds of what is ought.
Misfortune lurking every crevice.
Of this crooked quest.
Frameworks.
Paths of truth and life.
Nothingness.
They look through their rose-coloured glasses,
At the beauty of the world.
They're so blind and fucking ignorant,
That love's all they see.
Any sorrow they come across never cuts deep,
Because real pain is what ignorance can't feel.
It just runs shallow through their pretentious world.
Never looking into themselves,
They adopt the feelings of somebody else.
Never stopping to think who they are,
Or what life is,
They become what society expects them to be.
I stare back at these people who stare at me.
They laugh through their vanity, so ignorant,
They can't begin to realise that my mind is free.
My hateful wisdom destroys them, relieving my pain.
For their souls will be banished to forever live in ignorance.
Those who laugh at philosophies they know nothing of
Are those who mostly disgust me.
And I shall be avenged, through the power of Satan anarchy.
Satanism isn't fantasy; it is based on the philosophies of life,
Comparable to man's basic instincts.
Now laugh if you please.
There is no such thing as nothing…
(Music – Simon. 11/1992)
Whispers of insanity bombard my rationale.
Aeons passed since I last did feel,
The joy of my tears,
Streaming,in dissipation of sorrow.
The insidious beauty,so quiescent.
Vehemence,stronger still,
...Yet dying....
...As yet another gorge,
Fails to bleed.
I rub salt into mine open wounds,
Scars heal,but the flesh is then dead.
Pain spills,from my mind into my body.
Time expires,
And I see what has passed.
Overspent in mourning.
Death came for me in years of past,
And left me to live in death.
Life is given to us....obsolete.....
As the dust flew,I smelt the ancient past.
From whence did I know what it is that I know?
Or what it was that I knew?
Time is the carrier of knowledge.
Much can be recalled in time....
...But in a moment.......?
Knowledge becomes nothing,
When faced with the propensity of time.
Once lost,'tis lost forever.
So much to know (each answer begets a greater question),
The importance of truth is so much greater,
And hidden amongst lies.
.....I am all which mocks virtue.....
Release the shackles of the flesh,
What name must I bequeath (upon my kingdom)?
Amidst the slumber,I awaken the dream.....
Portals of obscurity burst forth into my eyes,
As I plunge into the ascending chaos.....
I journey on,the lights dripping their luminescence.
Crossed dimensions imbibe me,
I see all,but can do nothing but see.
....I roam....
I am enraged.
Inspired by my insanity.
These worlds,unknown.
I cry for this solitude.
Is it mine fortune to have entered such visions?
Canst I decipher the vision to words?
Words cannot conceive.
I extol my journey through the vision of sound.
Imbibe thine mind if thou durst see!
Travel betwixt the demented seas!
....Reflect the journey....
(Lyrics-Greg,Winter 1995/96)
Sullen, I loom forth into the microcosm,
Exuberant voices abound.
I hear their scrapings of life,
Falling, into infinity.
Knowledge is understanding,
And not truth.
Truth is the myth that mocks us.
Verification, the addendum of nothing.
Paradoxical irony.
The fools, content to live as numbers.
What is it, that holds their attention,
So far from the innate questioning?
Where do they live?
The infinity of wisdom could not scour
The shit from their eyes.
.... Their will, sold for security ....
This world, bathed in the filth of stupidity.
Retarded humans, etching out their predetermined frameworks,
Created as a pathetic excuse for the unfounded purpose.
.... My disconsolateness reigns supreme ....
For mine shall be hidden.
I speak so that time may know I have spoken,
And not so that time is lost within my speech.
.... Throughout the silence, I nurture the unspoken words ....
Intransigent predator.
Look to your numbers .... And you shall be my prey!
(Lyrics - Greg ,1996)
I lift my head, but there is no reason to move
Time
Takes from us the years we build
What can be lost within a day
Words may pass
Time has no mercy upon truth
Crushing all in its path
Reason is lost here
Leaving us alone with the questions
This bizarre metaphoric game
Unravels like some predestined curse
Each player sees the charade
A hapless parade of what must be
But still we play
So many lines
Entangled amongst frantic visions
Cascade this horrific journey
And where does this plane take us?
To escape?
To lose that which makes us?
Emotion never dies
It only becomes distant with time
Memories fade, onward towards bitter end
My head it aches
As yet another day unfolds
Faces of anger
Ironed into my skin
Hallucinations enter the shadows...
Losing the mind
On this path to oblivion
So much time lost in chaos
As I descend
Succumbed to the unfathomable
Abandoned beyond all control
Skulking, scraping, the barren wastes...
Formless predator of the mind's domain
And as its presence draws near I sense it
Knowing within its pull I can be forever lost
A part of me
Passing through matter,
I tear onwards.
Bitterness empowers my will,
Darkness permeates the living tissues of my flesh,
As I surround.....
Chaos revels in my mind.
Celebrate the destruction,
Scorn the travesty of times.....
....Such times of nonchalance.
The unforeseen tragedies shall be a monument,
To my will.
For they shall be as non-being.
Engulfed by the strength of past.
Have I not laughed when it did come?
Devoured the pain.
Now it is mine,
To wield,to bestow.
The fuel of my acumen.
Not of woman born, Are we.
But of pain and anger.
The feisty depths of passion,
To which mortals could only fear.
As Lucifer,we were not cast down,
We each took our own kingdom......
Nothing is so endearing to behold.
As the fortitude of will,
In it's merciless cascade.....
.....To satiate the dreams of mortals.....
Invoke the zenith of transcendence,
Dressed in oratory skills.
Tear asunder the volition,
Power,in it's purest form.
A storm to the testimony of time......!
(Lyrics-Greg,Autumn 1995)
Disgust for the standards set by you,
Disgust for your aims of mass control.
Freedom is your silencing mechanism,
Fortunately for you people are too blind and ignorant to see,
That while you exist they will never be free.
Your lies of freedom I spit upon,
From birth you have calculated our control.
Born as a number on your little machines.
A number to check upon, to keep under control.
Now to the blind I'll help you see,
That you are born under a contract laid down by society,
Obligations to obey their laws, no freedom of speech.
You are one mind, they are many.
Justice has been decided by the narrow-minded bastards
Who lived centuries ago, leading the fools,
With the commandments of their false "God" they made up the rules.
Fuck your morals I have my own mind,
To decide what is best for me.
You know nothing of psychology, only of fantasy,
And love of order in your tidy, empty lives.
From lies you built the order of society,
Scepticism your enemy, you try to make people believe,
From an early age so that they cannot retrieve,
Their instincts of life and questioning, so that they just
Follow blindly, but you'll never blind me.
I have only hatred for those in authority,
And the blind fools who follow.
So weak in spirit, never questioning.
I have only hate for this fucking society.
So weak.
I have only hate for this fucking society.
(Music – Gordon. 10/1993)
(Music – Gordon 10/1992)
(Lyrics – Greg 7/1991)
7. EXPECTATIONS OF LOVE
Society and religion teach us to love one another,
To follow the frameworks,
That filled their empty lives – empty minds.
The pressure I feel,
Is fucking unreal.
Why can't they see my inability to love?
Why can't they open their eyes?
All they see is what they want to see.
They see their vision of me; it's not me!
How can I love others when I can't love myself?
The pain I've felt has destroyed the love in me.
My frustration increases into a silent scream.
Where is the relief? When can I be free?
I have tried to love but it can never be.
Hate is all I can ever feel.
To dwell on death is love for me…
(Music – Greg, Bryan, Stuart. 9/1992)
Over whom does infinity hold sway?
All the time has passed.
No future awaits.
Where there is no light.
I shall remain.
Never to diminish, nor comprehend.
The one absolute.
Within eternal twilight I exist.
Excised from the stream of time and being.
I wander.
Answers I seek.
To that which I cannot know.
You need not to fear now.
For release shall be yours.
Through golden fields you may walk.
All knowledge flowing through you.
Let your pain console.
For escape is nigh.
Your blood flows, your soul is released.
Silentium est aureum.
I have come to know all.
Yet I know not time.
At your death.
My torment is complete.
Horrific realisation.
Time demise of finality.
Throughout our childhood, we live in fear.
Of all that we hear, never-ending tears…
Ignorance so absolute, within their minds so small.
Into the depths of their shadows we fall.
To live and breathe in sadness, pain and agony.
Their mendacious emotions, race through me,
Feeling love and hate for someone untrue.
My cauldron of life, my feelings subdue.
I am still a child…
Ill prepared guardians take care of our existence.
Without thought to their actions of consequence.
The light of our eyes died while we were conceived.
By the whores and sluts, our mothers, their depravity unconcealed.
Souls are left in a desolate place.
Forever rotting, stagnant within the foul waste.
But their corruption is kept, for it has work to do.
Prevaricating young minds, so that they cannot see through.
The lies of society, you're a puppet to perform.
While they laugh with pleasure, as you try to conform.
Why? Question why! Doubt is your only friend!
I have such hatred for these creatures of lies.
Their simple actuality is enough for me to despise.
Am I right to judge their insignificance?
Yes! So are you, those without indifference.
For Satan's mind is vast among those who deceive.
And on those he feeds, those who try to believe.
With their moral fairy tales, and scriptures so frail.
To myself and to Satan, you can hear my hail.
"Zodacare od Zodameranu! Odo cicale Qaa! Zodoreje, lape zodiredo
Noco Mada, Hoathahe Saitan!"
(Quotes taken from "The Satanic Bible" - Anton Szandor LaVey)
(Music – Greg 11/1992)
Rage intensifies my desire for revenge.
Hatred flowing in my blood.
My veins expand to release the pure, unbridled, abhoration.
For those who interfere with my life.
They caused me sorrow,
But pain will be returned.
My mind turns to execution.
My sadism fed by their obliteration.
I laugh at their death and scorn their pathetic existence.
Now to non-existence.
The thorn in my side caused me pain.
My logic eradicates at the root of my problems.
Those who would give me pain,
Would also make themselves a thorn.
My cure is to remove the cause.
Remove the cause.
(Music – Simon. Autumn/Winter 1993)
"He that is slow to believe anything and everything is of
great understanding, for belief in one false principle is
the beginning of all unwisdom."
Slavery…
Followers of the right-hand path,
Looking to God for comfort.
Enslaved by his command,
Controlled by priests and bishops.
Conceited are the followers who preach unto others,
Not to follow is to burn in Hell.
Spreading lies about Satanism, to enslave the minds of sinners.
Propaganda spread - mass control.
Pay to repent - money for their pleasure.
Brainwashing the weak in mind.
If God is good, why should you fear him?
All they want is the feeling of power,
Of having others follow their morals.
All they bring is pain and fear to the ones who are unsure.
Kill these enslavers.
They only want to rule and judge you to satisfy their narrow minds.
Satanism is a way of life,
It is to do whatever will please you.
There are no commandments just follow you instincts,
Never bow down to the lambs of God.
Question the why and wherefore of their commandments.
Why should they be true?
Man's instincts go against self-denial.
Instincts of indulgence and self-preservation should come through.
"There is no heaven of glory bright and no hell where sinners roast.
Here and now is our day of torment. Here and now is our day of joy."
(Quotes taken from "The Satanic Bible" - Anton Szandor LaVey)
(Music - Greg. 9/1992)
Night surrounds me,
As I sit alone,
In the indecipherable darkness.
I smell the noise of past.
Vivacity of the wind begets clear my mind.
In eternal isolation.
Those that pretend to care,kill you,
And leave you for being dead.
I seek,for where am I?
The throes of death swirl within me,
And I smile.....
Life,raped by disease.
Cast out.
No place for me here.
I create my kingdom.
Creation through destruction,
Cut out the heart of the Christian disease.
Knowledge my fortune,
I channel the strength of my will.
The lure of the moonlight,
Streams forth,with abundance of strength.
I bask in it's essence,
Devouring the force,
Succouring my veins.
I traverse to the beckon of my desire.
Destruction.
This stagnant humanity serves only to frustrate.
Unfit to stand alone,huddled in their masses,
Synonymous in their worthless existence.
The time will come to pass.
Creation of life,
Destruction of the disease.
(Lyrics-Greg,1995)
I can't control, them, but they control me
The voices can't be heard. They're kept out of sight
Hatred from within. Purged from the soul of me
Leads me to destruction. They need my detonation
Hate...
Wild...
Pass...
Away...
Death eats away from the inside
Life eats away from the outside
In between... in between
In between... in between
Void
Pointless
Existence...
Over over over and
Over over over and
Over over over and
Over over over and
Make me see
The birth of my insanity
Reality
A memory...
My mind recoils...
Push down...
Push down...
Push down...
Break down...
Break down...
Break down...
Lies a broken man
Festering inside
Shades of light pass through this room
And remind me
There was once a world
Outside of this stricken maze
Only instincts drive on
And life
Our great teacher
Teaches all
Passing through this fetid ship
With sickened feeling of what lies within
Sporadic thought, spawning its messy web of insanity
Living from the heart and breath alone
For emotions determine all that is lost and won here
And all that is dear
Taken by wind and time
How many times in a lifetime must we break?
And have such a need to be strong?
So tired of this feeling
Of fighting and living
Wrought so completely with pain
Nothing remains
But a restless longing for death
Windows of shattered dreams.
Laid out before me.
My broken reflection hauntingly stares back,
As once again I pick up the pieces of my mind.
Rebuilding myself again.
And I know what is done.
The smaller pieces lost.
They used to be large,
But now they are gone.
I cannot find my hope, my joy or my life,
Just empty splinters embedded in my mind.
Causing me pain, I grimace in awe at the overwhelming pain.
Caused by what I've lost, by what has been destroyed.
My scars start to bleed.
From my wounds of sorrow,
I watch the blood run.
A release of my self-hate,
And still the blood flows…
Scarred all over my body.
With each scar comes a memory of pain.
Though it's hard to tell now, they all look the same.
Awaiting the day when my blood is no more,
Maybe then the pain will be gone.
I await my death with both relief and with fear,
I sense that my shattered mind knows it is near.
(Music – Greg. Autumn 1993)
Born unto a bastard nation,
The dying remnants of our breed.
Aura's of,an ancient past,
Of those that knew so long before....
But time goes on...
Misanthropic breed,
Engulf our suffering,
Food for the strong.
To overcome is the way of the warrior,
Regret not that which we have done,
Regret that which we have not.
Blackness in our pride,
Cast the event o'er again.
Let thy wisdom be thy guide,
Let thy will be thy gain.
And feed.
Gluttonous rapture.
The sword so bravely held,
Marked with the blood of death (the certainty of life).
Time,the foe of all whom would'st not taste.
Let mine will be fulfilled,
Let the rest go to waste.
Let the blood run.
At war with the race (of humanity).
(Lyrics-Greg,June 1995)
Internal images,
Scattered within translucent thought.
Order amongst the chaos of the psyche.
The external dilapidation,
A tribute to their world of regression.
I pour forth my scorn,
To the dominion of slaves.
Bound by blindness.
Their fear of the unknown,
Is greater than the price of ignorance.
The changing face of humanity.
A different face for each occasion.
Remove the mask and see the vacant stare.
The mask is all they know....
Behold the sight,
The irony of it all.
Everything is true,
In the dimension of dreams.
Their dirge wrought through the chains of insecurity.
The common-trod path leads to oblivion (trampled by fools),
The path that is built remains strong.
The valour of perception,
Is bestowed upon few.
(Lyrics-Greg,1995/96)
Night surrounds me,
As I sit alone,
In the indecipherable darkness.
I smell the noise of past.
Vivacity of the wind begets clear my mind.
In eternal isolation.
Those that pretend to care,kill you,
And leave you for being dead.
I seek,for where am I?
The throes of death swirl within me,
And I smile.....
Life,raped by disease.
Cast out.
No place for me here.
I create my kingdom.
Creation through destruction,
Cut out the heart of the Christian disease.
Knowledge my fortune,
I channel the strength of my will.
The lure of the moonlight,
Streams forth,with abundance of strength.
I bask in it's essence,
Devouring the force,
Succouring my veins.
I traverse to the beckon of my desire.
Destruction.
This stagnant humanity serves only to frustrate.
Unfit to stand alone,huddled in their masses,
Synonymous in their worthless existence.
The time will come to pass.
Creation of life,
Destruction of the disease.
(Lyrics-Greg,1995)
(Music-Greg,1995)
Incessent Drone Of Misery
Pyrrhonism Grows Into My Veins
Like A Parasite Feeding Upon My Gain
In The Wake Of Elucidation
Thoughts Are Manifested Amidst The Senses
Deep Despair Distorts These Bloodstained Eyes
Scarred With The Vision Of Death
My Mind Implodes With Exacerbation
Rage Destroying The Self
As Madness Takes My Hand
Thoughts I Cannot Own
Escape From This Turmoil
Reflections Dance In The Mirror
Like The Demons Raging Through My Mind
They Possess Me
Through Twisted Words, Mangled And Unseen
The Light, Dark, Lashing Me
I Fall Beneath The Earth
Staring Throughout Space
As Though Searching For A Soul
That Has Become Lost To Me
Death Stalked For Such Time
That It Came Unseen
Didn't Even See My Soul Die
Only Felt The Pain Of When It Had Gone
I Cast The Mould Of Dreams
And Fall Into Their Prophetic Maze
The Hidden, Revealed Through Rhetoric Persuasion
It Passes
As A Whisper In The Night
And To Live Waiting To Meet It's Deathly Face Yet Again
There Is No Truth
The Circle Of Time Unravels
The Mysteries We Have Created
We May Borrow Time
Only Until Death Takes Us
Words Have No Meaning
I Am So Cold
Concepts, communication.
Balance, domination.
Unseen, yet practicable.
Where is your answer?
Where is your question?
Based on truth or lies?
Why should it be either?
Existence unseen…
At beckon call…
Not for those who judge…
What they cannot comprehend.
Source of knowledge, too vast for words.
To concentrate your mind.
Of no substance, yet food for thought,
And entrance to your soul.
It is both life and death.
It is both death and life.
Fear to some existence to others.
In the air you breathe, yet in your mind surreal.
Liars are those who claim to know,
In their words they say nothing,
For words cannot describe it.
It is knowledge and yet confusion.
See all you can,
And look beyond and beyond and beyond.
Look through the confusion to find knowledge,
Look through the knowledge to find confusion.
At all times question everything.
(Music - Gordon, Simon, Greg, Bryan. 1/1993)
My destitute life I owe to no one.
I reside alone in the darkness,
Staring out from the blackened walls of my mind.
Tormented through knowledge,unshackled by wisdom,
I attain autonomy.
Bound to no mortal,
Unable to trust in this world built upon lies.
I take what I desire,I adhere to no laws.
In allegiance with darkness,
The darkness within myself,
The dark force of the earth.
My understanding now vast,
I have devoted years of isolation,
To thought,to knowledge,
So that I may see for myself,
With my own mind!
My empiricist ways have seen power by my own hand!
As the night stalk's revenge,
The moon is culling for blood,so will it be!
This soulless light,
Shall feel the pain of my suffering.
I suffer alone,in the darkness.
My serpentine mind,screams in delight,
As my cries echo through the pathways of my mind,
All goes still,
Rationale complete,
Chaos shatters my sentient thought.
My pain is endless,as will be yours!
I will kill your purity,
I will purge your innocence,
As I walk in disgust,
Into each vacant eye I stare,
My head hangs low in sorrow.
For so few see through the haze of this reality,
So very few attain their desire.
In allegiance......
(Lyrics-Bryan,Greg,1995/96)
I Have Within Me, This Knowledge
The Darkness Within
That None Should Ever Touch
And In The Machinations Of Cosmos
I Appeared, Centuries Before My Time
....Wisdom Is Lost Here....
The Ferocity Of My Rapture, Has No Relent
'Gainst The Ineffable Nightmares
Seizing My Body To Wake
Through The Languid Hours Of Day
Excised In The Blood Of My Pain
The Sombrous Call Of The Silence
Haunts Me...Allures Me....
Yet The Salacious Beckoning Of The Flesh Remains
I Will Move Not For Death Or Suffering
Dissident, I Stand Proud Amidst Felony
This Virulence Seethes In My Quintessence
A Reflection Of Past
From The Time Of Conception
Life...The Allusion Of Existence
(The Antipathy Of Logic...)
It Beholds Everything
And Yet It Is Nothing
Life Is.... The Beginning Of Death
Death's Omnipotent Grasp
Scourge's Down Amidst The Skies
Plucking Those Led To Be Slaughtered
Culling Their Futilitarian Existence
Death Is Nothing, But The Answer To Life
So much to live,
Yet the yearning for death,
Perpetual in my mind.
To end the pain.
I wait for time to show me my path,
The continuum or the end?
I see it so clearly it burns my eyes.
Into absolutes I fall.
No time left.
Realisation cuts off all pretence.
My dreams so rarely dreams,
Just messages of pain in my subconscious.
So tired of waking and screaming,
And my mind can only ever say no!
Every day,I watch the morning break,
Before entering into my nightmare of sleep.
I hope one day I may wake and smile.
A fool's hope...
A worthless dream....
(Lyrics-Greg,Summer 1994)
Inside and around I see misery, suffering.
A new level of depth for my depression.
Thought I could only climb from now.
Unable to see below its depths.
Got used to it so that it wasn't as bad.
Now on my dark ledge I am falling further,
Where are my friends? Someone grasp me.
But no one reaches for I have nothing left to give them.
My use for them is gone and so is their respect for me.
Hitting a deeper level I crash hard.
My anger screams, sorrow and hate contorting together,
In a fit my temper explodes, tearing my hair, punching my face,
Ripping my skin to release it from within.
Screams of sorrow increasing my hate,
Sentences flash through my mind of all that they said,
Of those I regard that hurt me.
Emptying my soul, devouring my will.
I'm alone and always will be.
I've known no one who hasn't hurt me - and often with intent.
I walk through crowded streets of faceless people,
Their whispers haunting me…
Trapped in a void with myself who's not me.
My knowledge and power are all that I own.
My compassion is destroyed, my hate free to explode.
Now I will always destroy those who try to hurt me.
(Music - Gordon. 2/1993)
I see them coming at me all the time,
Lashing out, killing me over and over again.
And I laugh for I enjoy all the deaths that I receive,
The pain and destruction of my flesh,
Killing me over and over again.
The blackness still comes, forever killing me.
I rock back and forth, staring through.
The blackness which slices through,
My scarred and dead flesh, yet still I die as I see my skin shred.
Dead again and still I stare at the blackness which is still there.
Have they not yet reached the core, of my flesh so battered and torn?
Maybe I have no core, maybe inside there's nothing.
If so what do I die for?
Staring, watching, willing, killing,
Seeing, dreaming, screaming, screaming,
Killing, killing, killing, killing…
Willing, filling what wasn't there, emptiness my despair.
Stuck, unable to move off my chair,
Rocking back and forth, with no eyes, yet still I stare.
At the blackness which is always there.
(Music – Greg. 3/1993)
She sits beneath the python tree
Her world's a sepia drug
A tempting promising mood
My every move she squeezes me I cannot get enough
Can't help but covert you.
Brave lover strange other pulling me in
Tear down the temple of the monkeys brick by brick
And dace in invade the ocean
And satisfy your greed
A moment for a lifetime we are blessed and we are empty
Your face is like a beautiful sunrise
Your eyes are like a doe in the headlights
Can't help but covet you my love
Pinned down and hungry an ambitious thought
Don't forget to smile as she lays blue petticoat law unsocial
Heavy world
I've an empty head
And I can't remember what I'm meant to have said...
Your face is like a beautiful sunrise
Your eyes are like a doe in the headlights
Can't help but covet you my love
Your face is like a beautiful sunrise
Your dancing like you're born under a red light
Can't help but covet you my love
Everything's moving the lights shifting it all looks the same everything's
Pushing and puling the same way all I do is feel everything is pushing
This angry door
is a blessed obstruction to me
a simple distraction to the mind,
and I tear my foot from the ground
and I'm desperate to let it all out
and everything's screaming
and muffled and merging inside of me
hurting it's feeding the feelings the same and I feel
I always feel this awkward and yes
my state of minds a mess but it's all good
you know that it's all good tomorrow
I won't remember. (x2)
Another mercenary
got to keep my feet beneath me
seems I'm out of control again
and now she's touching her mouth
and now she's pinning me down
and my spine is hurting it's sticky
it's all such a pity
I'm not in the game and I know who's to blame and I feel
Monstropolis
alien nation
embryonic
cellular incision
pick up the pieces
she is a cow
are you my friend
needing a vet a friend a bullet for an end
everything's different its definitely changing
I have these visions I'm not sick in just twisted
its not my fault
its not your fault
you made me what I am
animal animal man
Monstropolis
split the cell give them hell
break the rules and use the tools and I'll become a faceless mule
pick up the pieces to you
I'm just an animal have you forgotten what you are
I am an animal just like you are
I can see an animal inside you all
i am an animal just like you animal
So full of yourself though you have gotten no proof
So sure you're safe there you in your lights with your children
Watch your little angels sleep
I won't live this
I can't live this life
And any other way
I'm dead
And any other way
So sure you're part of something greater
And your perfect creator needs you
I won't live this
I can't live this life
And any other way
I'm dead
And any other way
I'm [leading]
You're killing
Exhale
Leave my soul search reeling
Focus
As my vision swims
Every step is into madness
The blinding light is so confusing
The drugs are taking me miles
The child
That stands before me is me
He's scared
A part inside that's fragile
Every step is into madness
The blinding lights are so confusing here
Got to believe in myself
Though they said there's nothing
Here that is worth the while
Maybe I'm mad but
I think there's something coming
I can feel the anger running
I feel that things are changing
Maybe too swiftly
As things are getting harder
We're on a mission
As things are getting tougher
And no submission
We won't be
Stopped Now
We're fighting
The machine that we need
Don't rely on anyone
Anyone
Don't rely on anyone
Anyone
Stand at the edge of the abyss of
The things they missed and
I think there's things in here that
May not be quite what
They said they wanted to help, but
Then tell me why should I care?
They haven't done a damn thing for
Me lately
As things are getting harder
We're on a mission
As things are getting tougher
And no submission
We won't be
Stopped Now
We're fighting
The machine that we needed
Don't rely on anyone
Anyone
Don't rely on anyone
Anyone
Don't rely on anyone
Anyone
Don't rely on anyone
Anyone
As things are getting harder
We're on a mission
As things are getting tougher
And no submission
As things are getting harder
We're on a mission
As things are getting tougher
And no submission
Don't rely on anyone
Anyone
Don't rely on anyone
Anyone
Don't rely on anyone
Anyone
She wears a white dress
she's as innocent as I am
her delicate fingers penetrate the nylon
darling don't you hold back
I've been waiting for you patiently
I'm dieing to talk but you don't have a clue
id swim through a river of roses for you
and I fell hard
some say went too far
fill me with air
fill me with love
Her stethoscope is cold
and its chasing round the goose flesh
and making me feel peculiar
the apothecary he told me
if I took them you might see me
so I to took a pill then I took two
I swallowed the whole damned bottle for you
and I fell hard
some say went too far
fill me with air
fill me with love
and I fell hard
some say went too far
fell me with air
fill me with love
Fill me with air
fill me with love
