As we await the birth of young Herod or Urgulanilla or Hermaphroditica here's something suited to the current retarded state of the national mood:
Such stories were commonly reported in print: Cressy’s essay on Agnes Bowker refers to many of them, and there is a further chapter on monstrous births in his book.* He suggests that contemporaries explained them in a range of possible ways: freaks of nature or manifestations of divine power; judgements or punishments against individuals or communities; portents of coming catastrophes, or even of the end of the world. Or they could simply be treated as freak-show entertainment.
Very often, the cases are associated with the widespread belief that what the experiences of a pregnant mother – beautiful or shocking, but most often the latter – could physically imprint themselves on her unborn child...
...Herman Roodenburg’s detailed study of the phenomenon of the ‘maternal imagination’ in Holland** notes that pregnant women were warned to be particularly careful with animals (strange and frightening or maimed animals seem to have been particularly dangerous); other cases were associated with the sight of human ‘freaks’ at fairs, or mutilated beggars, or black people, or lunatics, with paintings or statutes of grotesque subjects. (Conversely, pregnant women were advised to hang beautiful paintings on their walls in order to have beautiful babies.)
So Kate lets loose a final bellow and they emerge: one by one at first, then in puling squadrons, a flood of shiny pink homunculi each clutching tiny little microphones: after first conjoining in a seething mass they separate and begin to conduct interviews with each other. The sound is of cats sliding apologetically down tin walls. A tiny Kay Burley bites into the juciy wizened head of a miniscule Nicholas Witchell, who mewls pitifully. At length, their heads turn as one and they begin to crawl, with terrible purpose, up the flaccid thighs of their former host. A deathly scream reverberates. Indifferent, the simpletons dance in the streets.
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