When you're in a clean cut pop band
You have to behave
Or they will slap your hands
We were out smoking gear in town
When the law came up
And took all our names down
We didn't see the copper coming
No time for us to start a'running
Got taken to the local nick
'Cos smoking dope gets you arrested
Roach skins and weed
We all smoke marijuana
Roach skins and weed
In search of instant karma
Roach skins and weed
Our record company have thrown a fit and said we're all
I've got a bird who gives me grief,
And I don't know what is her beef,
'Cos everyday she's on the 'phone,
Wanting to tell me off and moan,
I've got a bird that I can't please,
And now I feel I'm on my knees,
The situation's got so bad,
I'd rather be out with the lads!
Does she shut up?
Never shuts up,
Does she nag me?
Yeas, she always nag me,
Will it let up?
It never lets up,
Do this, Do that all day long!
Does she shut up?
Never shuts up,
Does she nag me?
Yeas, she always nag me,
Will it let up?
It never lets up,
Do this, Do that all day long!
Oi, girl, what's wrong now?
You've had a face on at me and acting like a cow,
I'm just real sick of all these rows,
You're doing my head in so I'm off into town!
So, Bye, Bye!
Have a nice day!
I'm out for my lunch,
And won't be back 'till 8,
Does she shut up?
Never shuts up,
Does she nag me?
Yeas, she always nag me,
Will it let up?
It never lets up,
Do this, Do that all day long!
Does she shut up?
Never shuts up,
Does she nag me?
Yeas, she always nag me,
Will it let up?
It never lets up,
What did I do wrong
Oh, you forgot to do the shopping
But there were no shops open
There's shops like Asda, Sainsbury's, Waitrose, Quick-
Save, Netto's and Co-Op
Why do I have to go
Oh, I can't leave the dishes here
But I don't have a clubcard
There's money in my purse, which you can find in my bag
So what do we need when I go to the shops
We need some milk and a loaf of bread
And I fancy pasta, maybe chicken too
Well I know the place that is perfect for you
Let's go to the supermarket (Tesco's, Tesco's)
Because they have everything that we need (Tesco's,
Tesco's)
I really like the range of fresh fruits
And they're open 'till nine
So how do I get there
Oh, don't be silly, take the car
But it's running low on petrol
But you can fill it up when you are there
So should I get some orange
Yes, and can you get me some pears
I think I'll get a paper
Well that will please the neighbours as we always steal
theirs
I'm getting more excited at the thought of it all
Well please hurry up as we've no food at all
This will be fun, it will be such a lark
It is lucky for us they have a big carpark
We're going to the supermarket (Tesco's, Tesco's)
I just can't wait, as it will be so good (Tesco's,
Tesco's)
Do we have enough time to do the whole store
Look at me baby, I'm a sex machine,
I may look really dirty, but I keep my undies clean,
Hardly knew I'd been around for years,
But I still go out drinking beers,
Now don't you dare laugh cause you think I'm old,
I spank the ladies' bottoms cause I'm very very bold,
My ass is getting flabby, but I ain't gonna worry,
Cause baby I go news for you.
(Chorus)
Big bum, big bum, I've a big bum,
I may be over 60 but I still turn ladies on,
Big bum, Big bum, I've a big bum,
It's tight, it's firm, it's Number 1.
Now don't get me wrong, ain't gonna do you no harm,
Put your hands on my ass cheeks and my bum will keep
you warm,
It's big, it's hot, it's like a radiator,
Baby check me out cause I'm a sexy alligator,
Ladies out there, listening to me,
I've had a sexy bottom since the age of 23,
And yes I must react to claims that my -
Ass was put together in a factory in Dubai
(chorus#2)
Big bum, big bum, I've a big bum,
I may look like a grandad but i'm still out having fun,
Big bum, Big bum, I've a big bum,
It's tight, it's firm, it's Number 1.
[x2]
Big bum, big bum, I've a big bum,
it looks good in my trousers and its voted Number 1
Big bum, Big bum, I've a big bum,
Taxi company: hello
Shaggy: Ummm, is that the taxi company?
Taxi company: yerp
Shaggy: Im tellin ya, this is shaggy, I need the car
cuz i got to go on a journey.
Taxi company: Where are yu?
Shaggy: Im in ma house
Taxi company: And wheres your house?
Shaggy: Im in the great park land street, and I need a
taxi from here to take me on my journey, can you take
me on my journey today?
Taxi company: What now, yer.
Shaggy: Thank you very much, can you give me a price if
I tell you where im goin?
Taxi company: yerp.
Shaggy: well im going to the hoverback shop into narth,
then up to wigam to see my friend garth, im meeting
Dale Winton to film the other half, and then to the
death star to defeat Vader Darth. And i'll go to the
plumbing shop in brazil, i'll pick up a limsy from ma
granny's hotel, im going to the football with my uncle
phil, stockport 3, late-orient nil,
[taxi company laughs]
taxi company: very good.
shaggy: how much for my journey, misses lubba lubba.
taxi company: i dont know, its a long journey aint it.
shaggy: its a very very long long way, ive got to go
somewhere else aswell.
taxi company: have you, where?
shaggy: well the girl next door is a bit of a minger,
so take her to chicago to film jerry springer.
[taxi company laughs]
how much for ma journey, misses lubba lubba?
taxi company: i dont know, im sorry, who is this?
shaggy: im tellin ya, this is shaggy, a goofy jump on
prawns, ok illana.
taxi company: yer, i like that song.
shaggy: okalumamnavabanana a goofy jump on prawns.
[taxi company laughs]
umm, can you drop me off at the chris moyle show on bbc
radio 1? 97 to 99 FM.
taxi company: ar, you've lost the plot mate.
Ohhhh... I hear a rumble in my tummy,
My cravings are really not funny,
I check to see if I have money,
Kebab and some sauce that is runny,
Don't think I can carry on further,
I'm needing a coke and a burger,
For fries I've become a goat herder,
Gerdy Gerdy ah...
La-ah-ah, la la lalala la,
Ah-ah-ah, ah ah, la la lalala la,
I Predict A Diet
I Predict A Diet
I Predict A Diet
I Predict A Diet
Ohhh... My clothes that look longer do fit me,
Because I'm becoming a fatty,
I tell my wide waist to line burgins,
I'm looking like Christopher Biggins,
Need to get me some exercise,
Stop dreaming lots about large fries,
Get in the gym and start running,
To burn some more calories...
La-ah-ah, la la lalala la,
Ah-ah-ah, ah ah, la la lalala la,
I Predict A Diet
I Predict A Diet
I Predict A Diet
I Predict A Diet
And if you really can't see your feet,
Then you've got to stop munching on
meeeeeeeeeeeeeeat-tah!!!
Ohhh.. don't think I can carry on further,
I'm needing a coke and a burger,
For fries I become a goat herder,
Gerdy Gerdy ah...
(Bloated)
La-ah-ah, la la lalala la,
La-la-la, ah ah, lalala
laaaaaaaaaaa-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
I Predict A Diet
I Predict A Diet
I Predict A Diet
I Predict A Diet
I like burgers and I like fries,
But they have to be supersize!
I Predict A Diet
I Predict A Diet
I Predict A Diet
Come around for tea, let's have a meal
It will be great
I'll cook the food, you bring the wine
See you at eight
I want pasta (I want pasta)
Is that okay (is that okay)
Then if you're good (then if you're good)
There's cake in the freezer
Cake in the freezer
I like to cook, I am dead good
My mum taught me
I've cooked roast beef, I've have cooked lamb
Since I was three (since I was three)
I want souffl (I want souffl)
Washed down with beer (washed down with beer)
Then for desert ()
There's cake in the freezer
Cake in the freezer
Don't turn up late, I will be hurt
And you may find your food is burnt
I want pasta (I want pasta)
Is that okay (is that okay)
I want souffl (I want souffl)
Washed down with beer (washed down with beer)
I want pasta (I want pasta)
Is that okay (is that okay)
Then if you're good (then if you're good)
There's cake in the freezer
Cake in the freezer
Cake in the freezer
Now listen ginger nuts
We are glad that you've gone
'Cause we never liked your
Your evil ways
We had to pretend
Because we were told to
You know that it's better now
The money goes four ways
Go get a new job with then UN
Stay with George Michael
I got two pale hands and I got a knife and fork,
I've had enough of meat don't want any pork.
Feelings in my tummy sending signals to my brain,
I'm craving for another plate of fish again.
I'm walking down to my local shop,
There's nothing in my way to make me stop.
They too hunger like me,
They too hunger for the fish in the sea.
Listening to the radio and turning up the bass,
God that fishy smell it puts a smile on my face.
I know that when I tell you that you'll think I'm a
Headcase,
What about my weakness I'm totally addicted to plaice.
Fishy Wishy
Totally addicted to plaice,
Fishy Wishy
Fishy Wishy
Fishy Wishy
I know that you might think it's odd,
I can't sleep till I've had my cod.
And when it comes to my fish it really doesn't matter,
As long as it is cooked in deep fried batter.
I should be doing time,
But the taste of the fish to me is divine.
In my mind I'm not craving gammon,
But you will see me smile when I see salmon.
Standing in the queue and the fish are looking yummy,
Can't wait to have that haddock swimming in my tummy.
Surrounded by so many and they're staring at my face,
They're picking up my problem, I'm totally addicted to
plaice.
Fishy Wishy
Totally addicted to plaice,
Fishy Wishy
Your 'bass'line is shooting up my spine, Fishy Wishy
Your 'bass'line is shooting up my spine, it's tacky but
it rhymes
Your 'bass'line is shooting up my spine, Fishy Fishy
Your 'bass'line is shooting up my spine, it's tacky but
it rhymes
Someone's at my window looking right at me,
I'm hoping it's a fishy I can eat for free.
Suddenly I realise and I think that I am wrong,
I haven't had a fishy now for so long.
I'm going down to the sea below,
And all the little fishys are putting on a show.
The goldfish are dressed up to the nines,
The thought of eating goldfish is so fine.
Suddenly I'm back and I am standing in the chippy,
The fella who was serving me is getting very lippy.
My hunger's getting desperate so I smack him in the
face,
Don't even try to stop me I'm totally addicted to
plaice.
Fishy Wishy
Everyone's addicted to plaice
Fishy Fishy
Your 'bass'line is shooting up my spine, Fishy Fishy
Your 'bass'line is shooting up my spine, (Fishy Fishy)
it's tacky but it rhymes
Step away from that hutch,
Put that bunny down, before he puts you down, like (you
see what i did)
yeah, yeah,
Dogs don't kill people, wabbits do,
The truth is out there so we're here to tell you
Don't be fooled by this cute little bunny
Cause when he shoots you wont think its funny
hoppin around in their little cartoon
you'll be nearer to death than those guys in cucoon
you never had had a dream as bad as this
when like a rabbit in a bad mood with a really big gun
these arent some nuns in habits
these are scary gun toting wabbits
flopsy mopsy,
dont be fooled cause these are the animals from the
fluffy underworld.
dont turn out that light at night
cuz bunnies 'ear gonna give u a fright
if u find urself covered in claret look for the rabbit
with the smoking carrot.
dogs dont kill people, rabbits do
summon elma thud
woo woo woooo
dogs dont kill people, rabbits do
summon elma thud
woo woo woooo
Dogs dont kill people rabbits do
i lived in a forest so i know that its true
they'll turn ur mumma into minced meat
and then turn your horse into glue (glue)
so dont go laughing at this silly little rhyme
rabbits do the killing but they dont do the time
if i could id b top of my class
id take that wabbit and pop a cap in his ass
the truth is out, the wabbit has risen
but these damn rabbits aint ever go 2 prison
Bugs Bunny R.I.P
u can watch your rabbits in the cemetary
dogs dont kill people, rabbits do
summon elma thud
woo woo woooo
dogs dont kill people, rabbits do
summon elma thud
woo woo woooo
dogs dont kill people, rabbits do
i look like a rabbit but i wouldnt kill you
they got big teeth and they dont do dental cuz most of
these bunnys are absolutely mental
heres a story u betta listen cuz after u hear it you
wont be dissin'
had a friend that ended up wacked got sent up to heaven
and the rabbit even packed
so if you see a big eared bunny toting a gun and
thinking its funny get out of his way or u might just
kick it on his way to God with a 1 way ticket
dont need armour, dont need tanks just a rabbit with a
pistol down his pants
theres rabbits everywhere in the park and the street
theres rabbits every where that you hope you dont meet
look at the man he thinks hes so cool,
cruising down the road with the hoes and the hunnys,
so dont forget this silly little songs,
dogs dont kill people its just bunnys
dogs dont kill people, rabbits do
summon elma thud
woo woo woooo
dogs dont kill people, rabbits do
summon elma thud
woo woo woooo
dogs....
rabbits...
dogs...
rabbits...
dogs...
rabbits...
I've got the feeling my stomach is heaving, boy now
I'm really scared,
Must have been something I've eaten, now it's
repeating, my guts are in need of repair,
So now I'm in trouble, I feel the rumble, I gotta be
prepared,
and I know it's true if I don't find a loo, it could
go everywhere,
Cos I need to go, and I'm scared it's about to blow,
Wish I hadn't had, that chicken tikka and shish kebab,
(Chorus)
Bad chicken tikka, I've got a dicky tum, cos I need to
go the loo and I'm gonna have to run,
Gotta run now, gotta go, gotta get home, cos my bums
about to explode,
Oh bad chicken tikka, I've got a dicky tum, cos I need
to go the loo and I'm gonna have to run,
Gotta run now, gotta go, gotta get home, cos my bums
about to explode..
I'm on my way home, this journey is so long, will I
ever get there,
Seem to be walking forever, my ass ain't too clever,
the whole day just isn't fair,
Cos you know I'm no liar, my arse is on fire, this
really ain't any fun,
Cos I need to go soon and I'm feeling marooned, in the
street with a dicky tum,
Cos I need to go, and I'm scared it's about to blow,
Wish I hadn't had, that chicken tikka and shish kebab,
(Chorus)
I just need to get me home, and sit upstairs on my
porcelain throne,
Even though I've lowered the tone, gonna blow off like
a big trombone,
I just need to get me home, and sit upstairs on my
porcelain throne,
Even though I've lowered the tone, gonna blow off like
a big trombone,
(Chorus)
I think you're fit on the TV
I know you're married but not to me
I'll make you laugh but that is all
Why can't I be Mr McCall?
Oh I
Just think that you should really try
And find me a bit more physically attractive
Oh I
Think I could be the one to make you finally come
around
I wish you'd come around
Oh come on please pop around
[Chorus]
Oh Davina McCall
Oh Davina McCall
Oh Davina McCall
You and me could have a ball
I may be a bit chunky
But I'll be your spunky monkey
Oh please Davina McCall
Pick up the phone give me a call
Oh Davina McCall
You know you want to try me out
But you are scared of who'll find out
Don't worry love
Its not that bad
I'll be the best two minutes you have ever had
Oh I
Am thinking that you secretly quite fancy
A bit of tubby loving action
Oh I
Think you should just follow your heart
And finally realise
I'll make you some mince pies
And you know you want to try
[Chorus]
Oh Davina McCall
Oh Davina McCall
Oh Davina McCall
You and me could have a ball
I may be a bit chunky
But I'll be your spunky monkey
Oh please Davina McCall
Pick up the phone give me a call
Oh Davina McCall
Oh Davina McCall
Yeah you and me would have some fun
But not a word on Radio One
I see you in my dreams
Like apple pie with lots of cream
[Chorus]
Oh Davina McCall
Oh Davina McCall
Oh Davina McCall
You and me could have a ball
I may be a bit chunky
But I'll be your spunky monkey
Oh please Davina McCall
Pick up the phone give me a call
Hiya Bimbo
Oh sod off
You wanna go for a ride
Look I've told you
Come on
Just 'cause I'm a girl, does not mean I'm a bimbo
I have blonde hair, that means you care
I just have to smile, your pants stick out a mile
You think you can have me, you sad pervy
Come on silly, touch my - Leave it
I look like a doll, some say quite horrible
But you like me, I'm a bike-me
Come here for a ride,you've something you can't hide
I know what you men are, have you got a tenner
I'm a sad bimbo girl, the thickest in the world
I am dim, I am thick and I'm easy
You're a doll, rock and roll, your fake breasts will
explode
And at school, you failed your GCSE
But I'm nice, and I'm cute
And I like the smell of brut
I'm a bimbo girl, in a bimbo world
Yes I'm tempting, but my head is empty
You can buy me stuff, three cars is not enough
'Cause you really want me, I'll spend all your money
Come on bimbo, let's go limbo
Just get stuffed
Come on bimbo, let's go limbo
Come on bimbo, let's go limbo
I've forgotten the question
Come on bimbo, let's go limbo
Erm... what
I am just a nice girl and my hair is in curls
And I know it looks blonde, but I dyed it
You look good, you look neat, I'm hungry, let me eat
Page ninteen of this book, can we try it
You get stuffed, you sad prat
I will break if I do that
I can't bend in that way
I bought a new pair of shoes
That's irrelevant to this song
So I look to welcome you
To an album by Chris Moyles
He's got some special guests to
And he's changed all the lyrics around
So without further a due
Here's an album by Chris Moyles
Yeah the orchestra plays and the albums begun
The lyrics are quite silly, but I think they are fun
So do not judge this album yet it's only track 1
It's an album by Chris Moyles
And we'll be dancing and singing
And climbing up on the tables
He'll be singing with Robbie and with Olly and Ed
It's only track 1 and there's lots more to come
On the album by Chris Moyles
So now I'm singing this song
In this studio somewhere in town
So why don't you sing along
To the album by Chris Moyles
There is no sign of Chris
I was told this was a duet
And think he is taking the mick
On this album by Chris Moyles
And we'll be dancing and singing
And climbing up on the tables
We'll be rocking this album by someone they call Chris
It's only track 1 and there's lots more to come
On the album by Chris Moyles
An album by Chris Moyles
An album by Chris Moyles
An album by Chris Moyles
An album by Chris Moyles
And we'll be dancing and singing
And climbing up on the tables
And the orchestras playing with me Pixie Lott
And that was track one and the albums begun
An album by Chris Moyles
An album by Chris Moyles
Well, here's a song about my friend called Gary Barlow and it's true
I was expecting Robbie Williams, who the flamin' hell are you
I can't believe you don't recall
When we met in the village hall
It was so purely accidental
I've never seen your face before
You just barged in through the room door
I think you're actually mental
What a shame you don't remember
Our christmas dinner last December
I don't have deja vu, haven't got a clue
I just do not remember you
You're just insane
Now, Gary, maybe you remember when we both worked in Top Man
And that drunk weekend when we both got taken home in a police van
Look, mate, I just don't have a clue
Sorry I don't remember you
Are you on heavy medication?
We went on holiday to Spain
Taught you to make quieche lorraine
I hope you're on more medication
What a shame you don't remember
Our christmas dinner last December
I don't have deja vu, haven't got a clue
I just do not remember you
How can I get through?
You're just insane
I don't know you
Please just go
Can we cuddle?
Err...No
Look can you just leave me alone, cos I am getting in a state
And I am going out for dinner and I don't want to be late
Look can you just pretend you know me and I promise then I'll go
Oh go on then
Thank you
It's so great that you remember
Our christmas dinner last December
I know have deja vu
and remember you
But now you really have to shoo
Come on, together
It's so great that we remember
The christmas dinners in December
I know have deja vu
and remember you
But now you really have to shoo
But please can I stay
Really you can now go away
Cos you're just insane
Just insane
Woo Woo Woo
Such a shame
You're insane
No, you are
No, it's you mate
Actually it's you
No, you are
My name is Olly, people think that i'm a cheeky chappy.
But the truth is that i'm not always happy,
sometimes things just get on my nerves!
Traffic wardens, stupid people really **** me off,
Get on my **** really wish that they would just **** ***!
I can't help saying nasty words.
Let me tell ya now oooooooh
Come on baby,
The truth is im not really that polite!
So come on oooooooh
Let me tell ya,
The truth is im not really that polite!
Listen
Shop assistants they don't have a ******* clue,
Call centres and stepping in dog poo.
**** me it just gets on my ****!
Politicians and merchant bankers,
They're just a bunch of massive *******!
I'd like to **** into their *****.
When I get like this,
Angry yeah mad when i really shouldn't give a ****
I know just what,
I need to do,
**** with ***** the whole night through yeah!
Let me tell ya now oooooooh
Come on baby,
The truth is im not really that polite!
So come on oooooooh
Let me tell ya,
Chris:
Sometimes in your life
It's good to lend a helping hand
To reach out to your brother
And your fellow man
Davina:
Just like the general public
Famous people see the suffering too
That's why there are so many
Charity songs
Pixie:
Raising money
And suffering people everywhere
Olly:
But what about us lot
Isn't it time for us to share
All:
(Chorus)
Please buy this song
It's not for charity
There's no disaster
No global severity
Gary:
We'll just split the profits and you'll see
Chris:
We're in it for ourselves
To make a shit load of money, yeah
I just want you to buy this song
Danny:
Don't be disappointed
We're not as rich as you may think
Olly:
Coz illegal downloads
Are killing us
Gary:
We need designer sunglasses
And to drive expensive cars
Charity will have to wait
Coz this time it's all about us
Robbie:
You might be thinking
How can this lot sleep at night
We've all got lovely mattresses
So we sleep alright
All:
We sleep very well
All:
(Chorus)
Please buy this song
It's not for charity
There's no disaster
No global severity
Olly:
We'll just split the profits and you'll see
Chris:
We're in it for ourselves
To make a shit load of money
Pixie:
Heated swimming pools
Cost more than you might think (Chris: I think)
I'm pleading with you people
Coz you're the missing link (Chris: link)
Gary:
By buying this song
And spending your cash
You could alleviate this pain
Now we really would like to buy our villa in Spain
Chris:
Or Portugal
All:
(Chorus)
Please buy this song
It's not for charity
There's no disaster
No global severity
Pixie:
We'll just split the profits and you'll see
Chris:
We're in it for ourselves
To make a shit load of money
All:
(Chorus)
Please buy this song
It's not for charity
There's no disaster
No global severity
Gary:
We'll just split the profits and you'll see
Chris:
We're in it for ourselves
To make a shit load of money
Chris:
We'll pocket all the profits
Taxi company: hello
Shaggy: Ummm, is that the taxi company?
Taxi company: yerp
Shaggy: Im tellin ya, this is shaggy, I need the car
cuz i got to go on a journey.
Taxi company: Where are yu?
Shaggy: Im in ma house
Taxi company: And wheres your house?
Shaggy: Im in the Great Portland Street, and I need a
taxi from here to take me on my journey, can you take
me on my journey today?
Taxi company: What now, yer.
Shaggy: Thank you very much, can you give me a price if
I tell you where im goin?
Taxi company: yerp.
Shaggy: well im going to the hover bag shop in Penarth,
then up to Wigan to see my friend garth, I'm meeting
Dale Winton to film the other half, and then to the
death star to defeat Vader Darth. And i'll go to the
plumbing shop in brazil, i'll pick up a lemsip for my
granny who's ill, im going to the football with my uncle
phil, stockport 3, late-orient nil,
[taxi company laughs]
taxi company: very good.
shaggy: how much for my journey, misses lubba lubba.
taxi company: i dont know, its a long journey aint it.
shaggy: its a very very long long way, ive got to go
somewhere else aswell.
taxi company: have you, where?
shaggy: well the girl next door is a bit of a minger,
so take her to chicago to film jerry springer.
[taxi company laughs]
how much for ma journey, misses lubba lubba?
taxi company: i dont know, im sorry, who is this?
shaggy: im tellin ya, this is shaggy, gal yuh if jump n prance, oh
Carolina
taxi company: yer, i like that song.
shaggy: okalumamnavabanana a goofy jump on prawns.
[taxi company laughs]
umm, can you drop me off at the chris moyle show on bbc
radio 1? 97 to 99 FM.
taxi company: ar, you've lost the plot mate.
Track 5 and a bit it's a little bit shit
It doesn't really matter cause it's over
Quickly it doesn't even matter cause
It's not even strictly a song and it doesn't last long
Track 5 and a bit
*track 5 and a bit*
And you have to admit *have to admit* I
T gets stuck in your head cause it's extremely
Catchy the playing is poor the lyrics are patchy as shit
So we really should quit it's just a silly song upon a
Ukulele sing along if you're Australian or even Israeli we called up weird al and asked him to be on
He said he'd like to play on his accordion
Ladies and gentlemen mr. weird al yankovic track 5 and
A bit you probably wanna skip it we had a little tape left
We thought we try it and hide it away cause no one would buy
It at all until we got a phone call track 5 and a bit it's gonna be a big hit we might do a version
I wanna be drunk when I wake up,
I wanna be drunk by 7 o'clock,
I wanna be smashed before the world wakes,
Pouring vodka not milk on my cornflakes,
No coffee cause I would not be drunk at all.
I wanna be drunk by this morning,
Cause a bit of booze makes it less boring,
Schoefield, windshield I'm not very sober,
I think I'll struggle to get through this song.
Cause I need some booze every once in a while,
Helps me get through Jeremy Kyle,
All dramas through lie detection, mum f#cked a member of One Direction,
Pass the larger lets stop the thinking and,
Carry on with a whole lot of drinking beer with pie, with pie.
Maybe I'll stop drinking now,
Stop my drinking now,
Stop my drinking now,
Or maybe just one more.
Walking into work, I am winning,
I wish this room would stop it's bloody spinning,
Another meeting, they're all repeating and my attention is now depleting,
I need to get to lunchtime so I can drink again.
And maybe other people like me,
You see the little stain below, it really is pee,
Pant's are damper, should be wearing pampers,
Cos' I just think I wet myself.
Cos' when it comes to the evening time,
I spill words when I'm downing the red wine,
I strike a cool pose, in Waitrose,
Chucked out by a guard with a large nose,
Try to hide it,
Try to fight it,
It's too late 'cause I think I shit myself, with pie, with pie.
Maybe I'll stop drinking now,
Stop my drinking now,
Stop my drinking now,
Or maybe just one more.
All by myself.
In a Mexican bar.
All by myself.
In casualty.
All by myself.
Outside of casualty.
All by myself.
Just drunk again,
Yes I'm drunk again,
Completely drunk again,