1. I WAS CLEANING OUT MY TOILET BOWL
WHEN YOUR BIRTHDAY CAME TO MIND
SO I SAT RIGHT DOWN TO WRITE FOR YOU
A HAPPY BIRTHDAY RHYME
SO HERE'S A BIRTHDAY SONG I WROTE
TO TELL YOU HOW I FEEL
EVER SINCE YOU DUMPED ME
YOUR BIRTHDAY'S NO BIG DEAL
CHORUS:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY FUNGUS FACE
NO ONE ELSE CAN TAKE YOUR PLACE
YOU A WORTHLESS PIECE OF HUMAN WASTE
I'M SO GLAD YOU'VE GONE AWAY
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEAVER BREATH
YOU'RE NOT THAT EASY TO FORGET
YOU'RE JUST LIKE SOMETHING BAD I'VE ET
HAVE A LOUSY DAY
2. MAY YOU WRAP YOUR PRECIOUS PICK-UP TRUCK
AROUND A JACKP1NE TREE
AND NEVER GET A DIME
FROM YOUR INSURANCE COMPANY
MAY YOUR BUDDIES GET RELIGION
MAY THE BREWERIES ALL RUN DRY
MAY YOU EAT SOME MOLDY BIRTHDAY CAKE
AND SHIT UNTIL YOU DIE
1. I MET HER UP IN MISULA SHE OWNED HER OWN PULP TRUCK
SHE TOOK ME FOR A RIDE ONE NIGHT AND TOLD ME WE WERE STUCK
SHE PUT HER ARMS AROUND ME AND SAID I'll KEEP YOU WARM
I WAS SO DUMB AND INNOCENT I didn't SEE THE HARM
2. THEN THEY STARTED WRESTLING AND HE ALMOST HAD HER BEAT
HE FOUGHT THAT BIG OL BEEFALO TILL SHE PINNED HIM TO THE SEAT
SHE MADE ME DRINK A CASE OF BEER EVERYTHING WAS A BLUR
WHEN I WORK UP THIS MORNING I WAS MARRIED TO HER
CHORUS:
HES MARRIED TO A LOGGER WHO LOOKS JUST LIKE HIS DAD
BUT HIS DAD don't HAVE A MUSTACHE AND HIS FEET don't SMELL AS BAD
UP HERE IN THE LAST FRONTIER MEN ARE MEN it's TRUE
BUT SHE MAKES ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER LOOK LIKE PEGGY SUE
3. I CALLED UP HER DAD TO SEE IF HE WOULD TAKE HER BACK
HE LAUGHED SO HARD I THOUGHT he'd HAVE ANOTHER HEART ATTACK
HE SAID TO FIND A PAPER BAG TO PUT UPON HER HEAD
I GRABBED A K-MART SHOPPING BAG AND WENT ON BACK TO BED
4. HE TRIED TO PUT THE BAG ON HER BUT IT WAS WAY TOO SMALL
SHE GOT HIM IN A HAMMER LOCK AND PINNED HIM TO THE WALL
HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL WAKING UP TO YOU
IF IVE GOT TO WEAR A PAPER BAG YOU BETTER PUT ON TWO
1. I MET HER AT THE PINE GROVE
ONE HOT NIGHT IN MAY
SHE WAS A BLONDE HAIRED FINNISH GIRL
FROM UP IN CHAMPION WAY
SHE WAS SHORT AND BROAD OF BEAM
JUST LIKE A JACKP1NE STUMP
THE BOYS ALL FLOCKED AROUND HER
LIKE THE SEAGULLS AT THE DUMP
2. I TOLD HER I can't POLKA
CAUSE IM JUST TOO DRUNK TO DANCE
SHE BOUNCED ME ALL AROUND THE FLOOR
TILL I ALMOST **** MY PANTS
I FELL IN LOVE WITH HER THAT NIGHT
AND ASKED HER FOR A DATE
I TOOK HER TO MY UNCLE'S CAMP
AND NOW she's THREE MONTHS LATE
CHORUS:
SHES LATE she's LATE
OH LORD she's THREE MONTHS LATE
I TOOK HER TO MY UNCLES CAMP
AND NOW she's THREE MONTHS LATE
3. I SAID SHE WAS MY FIRST LOVE
SHE SAID SHE'D SHOW ME HOW
SHE LEARNED SOME FROM THE MAKI BOYS
AND SOME FROM WATCHING COWS
I FIRED UP THE SAUNA THREW SOME
WATER ON THE ROCKS
THEN I TOOK OFF EVERYTHING
EXCEPT MY WOOLEN SOCKS
4. I DRANK ANOTHER SIX-PACK
AND SHE STARTED LOOKING GOOD
SHE TOLD ME LAY DOWN ON THE BENCH
I WONDERED IF I SHOULD
SHE BEAT ME WITH SOME CEDAR BOUGHS
AND THEN I COULDNT WAIT
NOW IM ALL SORE AND BLACK AND BLUE
AND NOW she's THREE MONTHS LATE
(REPEAT CHORUS)
5. SHE DRAGGED ME TO THE ALTAR
I FOUGHT HER ALL THE WAY
HER DADDY AND HER BROTHERS CAME
AND TOLD ME WHAT TO SAY
NOW HE WORKS FOR C.C.I.
WHERE THE PAY IS REALLY GREAT
HES GOTTA FEED THOSE 15 KIDS
AND A WIFE THAT'S THREE MONTHS LATE
1. IT ALL STARTED 1963
SANTA BROUGHT ME MONOPOLY
TWO G.I. JOES AND SOME HOT WHEEL CARS
GRANDMA AND PA GOT ME AN ELECTRIC GUITAR
MY COUSIN BILLY WAS A GEEKY ZIT FACE
SANTA SURPRISED HIM WITH A BEATLE BASS
MY NEIGHBOR MIKEY, THAT DORK WAS MY CHUM
THE LUCKY BUGGER GOT A NEW SET OF DRUMS
WE FORMED A BAND AND CALLED IT THE COLLAGE
DAD MOVED THE CAR SO WE COULD USE THE GARAGE
CHORUS:
AND WE WERE ROCKIN'
YES WE WERE ROCKIN'
IN BEATLE WIGS WE LOOKED NIFTY AND KEEN
'CAUSE WE WERE ROCKIN'
2. OUR SENIOR YEAR 1968
THE SCENE WAS GROOVY, WE THOUGHT WE WERE GREAT
WE PLAYED THE PROM IN BELLBOTTOMS AND BEADS
SONGS BY JIMI HENDRIX, THE STONES AND CREAM
IN THE SEVENTIES WE MADE A LOTTA DOUGH
AND I'M PROUD TO SAY WE DIDN'T PLAY DISCO
CHORUS:
'CAUSE WE WERE ROCKIN', YES WE WERE ROCKIN'
WE PLAYED THE CLUBS, THE RECEPTIONS AND BARS
'CAUSE WE WERE ROCKIN'
BRIDGE:
WELL I GET UP IN THE MORNING
AND I FIX MYSELF A CUP OF COFFEE
DUMP, SHOWER, SHAVE
THEN ANOTHER CUP OF COFFEE
I JUMP INTO THE TRUCK
AND I'M ON MY WAY TO WORK
I STOP AT JOE'S GREASY SPOON
AND I HAVE JUST ONE MORE
CUP OF COFFEE
I TELL JOE I GOTTA GO
I THINK I'M RUNNING LATE
DON'T WANT NOTHING TO
GO WRONG TODAY
'CAUSE TONIGHT I GOTTA DATE
I JUST CAN'T STOP IT
I'VE GOT TO ROCK IT
IF SHE CAN SHAKE IT
THEN WE CAN MAKE IT
AND IF I BREAK IT
I'LL JUST DUCT TAPE IT
3. MY FORTY SIXTH BIRTHDAY 1996
OUR BAND REUNITED JUST FOR KICKS
WE HIT DA OPEN MIC AT HICKEY'S BAR
THEY CALLED US OLD FARTS, BUT WE FELT LIKE ROCK STARS
WITH BEER GUTS STRAINING AND RECEDING HAIR LINES
WE PLAYED THOSE SAME OLD SONGS WE'D PLAYED TEN MILLION TIMES
CHORUS:
AND WE'RE STILL ROCKIN'
YES WE'RE STILL ROCKIN'
I'LL MOVE DA CAR SO WE CAN USE DA GARAGE
AND WE'RE STILL ROCKIN'
'CAUSE WE'RE STILL ROCKIN'
YES WE'RE STILL ROCKIN'
THIS AINT KARAOKE
SO GET OUT OF OUR WAY
C'mon, cmon!
C'mon, you can do it!
(car starts)
All right!
Dashing through the snow
in my Rusty Chevrolet
Down the road I go
Sliding all the way
I need new piston rings
I need some new snow tires
My car is held together
By a piece of chicken wire
CHORUS
Oh, rust and smoke, the heater's broke
The door just blew away
I light a match to see the dash
And then I start to pray
The frame is bent, the muffler went
The radio, it's okay
Oh what fun it is to drive
This Rusty Chevrolet
I went to the IGA
To get some Christmas cheer
I just passed up my left front tire
And it's getting hard to steer
Speeding down the highway
Right past a county cop
I have to drag my swampers
Just to get the car to stop
(chorus)
(instrumental)
Bouncing through the snowdrifts
In a big blue cloud of smoke
People laugh as I drive by
And I wonder what's the joke
Got to get to Wal-Mart
To pick up the lay-away
'Cause Santa Claus is coming soon
In his big old rusty sleigh
1. I WAKE UP TO A NIGHTMARE
HIS ARMPITS IN MY FACE
IT'S MAKING GASTRIC NOISES
AND STINKING UP THE PLACE
HIS TEETH ARE IN THE COFFEE CUP
ON THE NIGHT STAND BY MY BED
THERE'S A SMELLY OLD GYM SOCK
ON THE PILLOW BY MY HEAD
A HOLEY PAIR OF UNDERWEAR
IS HANGING ON THE DOOR
A PEPPERONI PIZZA IS LYING
FACE DOWN ON THE FLOOR
I PUT MY FEET AGAINST HIS BACK
AND GIVE A MIGHTY KICK
HE CRAWLS OVER TO THE BATHROOM
AND HE'S IN THERE GETTING SICK
CHORUS:
THERE'S A NIGHTMARE IN MY BATHROOM
AND it's SUCH A SCARY SIGHT
THERE'S A NIGHTMARE IN MY BATHROOM
AND it's SUCH A SCARY SIGHT
THIS CREATURE'S NOT THE SAME GUY
WHO TOOK ME HOME LAST NIGHT
2. HE STUMBLES FROM THE BATHROOM
WITH HIS FINGER UP HIS NOSE
IT'S SHOVED UP TO THE KNUCKLE
I WONDER WHERE IT GOES
I GOTTA GET HIM OUTTA HERE
BEFORE it's LIGHT OUTSIDE
CAUSE IF THE NEIGHBORS SAW HIM
ID CONSIDER SUICIDE
I SUDDENLY REMEMBER
IT WASN'T AT THE BAR
I MET HIM DOWN ON THIRD STREET
HE WAS BARKING AT THE CARS
I GRAB A DRIED UP SOUP BONE
FROM THE DOG DISH ON THE FLOOR
HE GOES RUNNING OUT TO FETCH IT
AS I FLING IT OUT THE DOOR
1. RUTHIE ROLL OVER YOU'RE KILLING ME
YOU AINT AS LIGHT AS YOU USED TO BE
YOU'RE UP THERE HAVING ALL THAT FUN
I'M DOWN HERE WISHING YOU WERE DONE
HURRY UP RUTHIE NOW FINISH UP QUICK
MY KIDNEYS ARE SQUASHED AND IM GETTING SICK
LETTING YOU UP THERE WAS A BAD MISTAKE
HAVE MERCY ON ME FOR GOODNESS SAKE
CHORUS:
RUTHIE ROLL OVER YOU'RE KILLING ME
YOU AINT AS LIGHT AS YOU USED TO BE
IF YOU DON'T STOP EATING NOW
YOU'LL LOOK JUST LIKE MAKIS COW
ALL WINTER LONG it's BEEN EAT, EAT, EAT
PUTTING ON POUNDS IN YOUR SEAT, SEAT, SEAT
I CAN'T STAND THIS MISERY
RUTHIE ROLL OVER YOU'RE KILLING ME
2. TOO MANY PASTIES, BURGERS AND FRIES
TOO MANY HOME MADE BLUEBERRY PIES
A CUDIGHI SANDWICH AND A MILLER LIGHT
A TINOS PIZZA EVERY FRIDAY NIGHT
TOO MANY COOKIES TOO MUCH CAKE
TOO MUCH EATING WHAT YOU JUST BAKED
YOU KNOW I'd LOVE YOU IF YOU WEIGHED A TON
RUTHIE ROLL, OVER I THINK I'M DONE!
(REPEAT CHORUS)
RUTHIE ROLL OVER (roll over roll over)
RUTHIE ROLL OVER (roll over roll over)
RUTHIE ROLL OVER (roll over roll over)
RUTHIE ROLL OVER (roll over roll over)
his name is johnny peckanen
he was hatched up in ahmeek
worked the white pine copper mine
seven days a week
when copper took a nose dive
he got his walking papers
had to sell the family farm
just to try to make er
chorus:
he's yoopanese, yoopanese,
a very special breed
dago, fin, cousin jack,
german, french and swede
he grew up with the maki boys
in bumble town location
he dug the ore and cut the trees
that built this mighty nation
he moved down to milwaukee,
no call backs from the mine
they were hiring at this factory
so he went and stood in line
the boss said, hay, we're you from?
johnny said, yooperland usa"
the boss said, go get your bucket yooper!"
"you start to work today!
"i've always hired yoopers,"
"we get along so well"
"they're honest and dependable,"
"and always work like hell"
"they know the value of a dime,"
"and don't expect nothing free"
"you know any other yoopers,"
"tell em they can work for me!"
chorus:
we're yoopanese, yoopanese,
a very special breed
dago, fin, cousin jack,
german, french and swede
we grew up with the maki boys
in bumble town location
we dug the ore and cut the trees
that built this mighty nation
he started up a family,
moved back to yooperland
got a job at houghton tech
sweeping up the sand
he said, living in the ole up"
"is the life for me
chorus:
i'm yoopanese, yoopanese,
don't put a stamp on me
irish, jewish, indian,
we're all the same you see
we have twelfth grade education's
and bachelors degrees
rich and poor, middle class,
1. I WAKE UP IN THE MORNING AND it's FORTY BELOW
THE WEATHERMAN TELLS ME it's TOO COLD TO SNOW
I LOOK OUT THE WINDOW AND I KNOW THAT HE'S LYING
MY CAR'S OUT OF SIGHT AND THE SNOWS STILL FLYING
WILL THE CAR START?
(HEY YOU KNOW IT WON'T)
DID THEY PLOW THE ROAD?
(YOU KNOW THEY DON'T)
AM I LATE FOR WORK?
(YOU KNOW YOU ARE)
STUCK AGAIN!
(SO IS YOUR CAR)
CHORUS:
I SHOVEL,AND I SHOVEL,AND I SHOVEL THAT SNOW
I GOTTA GET OUT, BUT MY CAR WON'T GO
I GET THE CABIN FEVER WHEN THE NORTH WINS BLOWS
I GOTTA GET OUT BUT MY CAR WON'T GO
2. I CALL UP THE NEIGHBOR, HE'S GOT FOUR-WHEEL DRIVE
HE CAN'T GET OUT, HE'S BURIED ALIVE
SNOW SHOE OVER PLAY SOME 15-2
I GOTTA CHEER UP 'CAUSE I FEEL SO BLUE
CRANK UP THE BLOWER
(HEY IT WON'T RUN)
GRAB THE SHOVEL
(AH, MUCH MORE FUN)
MY BACK IS BROKE
(YOUR HALF-WAY THERE)
SNOWING AGAIN? WELL I DON'T CARE
CHORUS
3. I GOT A HOT DATE, I CAN'T BE LATE
I'M STILL SNOWED IN, SHE JUST CAN'T WAIT
I'M STUCK IN THE DRIVE, STUCK IN THE HOUSE
WATCHING TV, STUCK ON THE COUCH
START EATING AGAIN
(OH WHAT A BORE)
I JUMPED A SIZE
(AH EAT SOME MORE)
I LOOK LIKE HELL
(WELL LOOSEN THE BELT)
ONE OF THESE DAYS THIS SNOW'S GONNA MELT
CHORUS x2
I SHOVEL,AND I SHOVEL,AND I SHOVEL THAT SNOW
I SHOVEL,AND I SHOVEL,AND I SHOVEL THAT SNOW
I GOTTA GET OUT, MY CAR WON'T GO
I GOTTA GET OUT, MY CAR WON'T GO
I SHOVEL,AND I SHOVEL,AND I SHOVEL THAT SNOW
1. FIRST THING YOU DID ON THE DAY WE MET
YOU TOOK AWAY MY CIGARETTES
ONCE YOU GOT MY NICOTINE
YOU NAGGED UNTIL I QUIT CAFFEINE
BUT YOU WEREN'T SATISFIED WITH THAT
YOU TOLD ME I WAS GETTING FAT
YOU TOOK MY BEER YOU TOOK MY SWEETS
NOW you're TRYING TO TAKE MY MEAT
CHORUS:
IM A MEAT HEAD YES I AM
I LOVE THAT BEEF AND PORK AND HAM
I LOVE IT FRIED SMOKED OR STEWED
BAKED OR BROILED OR BARBECUED
BACON STRIPS SIRLOIN TIPS
DOWN MY CHIN THAT SAUCE WILL DRIP
I LOVE TO REAR THOSE BURGERS FRY
ILL BE A MEAT HEAD TILL I DIE
2. YOU TOLD ME I WAS BLIMPING OUT
YOU MADE ME EAT ALFALFA SPROUTS
BUT RABBIT FOOD WAS SUCH A BORE
ID RATHER BE A CARNIVORE
I NEED FOOD THAT I CAN CHEW
ITS IN MY BLOOD TO BARBECUE
YOU CAN KEEP YOUR BRUSSEL SPROUTS
ILL DIE WITH A PORK CHOP IN MY MOUTH
3. IF I WAS SITTING ON DEATH ROW
AND I HAD ONE MORE MEAL TO GO
I wouldn't ASK FOR DRY RICE CAKES
SOY BEAN SOUP OR BARLEY FLAKES
ID ASK THE WARDEN FOR ONE LAST RIDE
TO A BURGER JOINT WE CALL CLYDES
ID ORDER A DOZEN BURGERS TO GO
ID TAKE MY TIME AND EAT EM SLOW
IM A MEAT HEAD YES I AM
I LOVE THAT BEEF AND PORK AND HAM
I LOVE IT FRIED SMOKED OR STEWED
BAKED OR BROILED OR BARBECUED
WEENIES ROASTED ON A STICK
JUICY STEAKS NICE AND THICK
I LOVE TO HEAR THOSE BURGERS FRY
all you big city women listen to me
i got some super yooper love like you aint never seen
i like em short, like em tall, like em huge like em small
skinny, homely, i love em all
come on
are you ready for some yooper action
come on
gather round cause im the main attraction
sit on my lap, ill let cha rub my stubble
just one kiss an youll be seeing double
chorus:
im a super, dooper, a super dooper yooper love machine
im a super, dooper, a super dooper yooper love machine
i dont care how many hearts i break
i like to share, i give em all some cake
they fight over me cause im so good lookin
they come from miles around just to do my cookin
come on
are you ready for some huggin and kissin
come on
gather round, you dont know what youre missin
come over here, ill let cha rub my gut
1. THE BOSS BEEN ON MY BUTT ALL WEEK
HES LUCKY THAT I EVEN SHOW UP
DA OLD LADIES BITCHIN CONSTANTLY
TO GIVE MY BEERIN UP
SHE LISTENS TO THE MOTHER-IN-LAW BITCH
ABOUT LIVING THEM YEARS WITH A DRUNK
HELL IF YOU LIVED WITH DAT OLE BAT
YOUD STAY DRUNKER THAN A SKUNK BROTHER
THEY don't UNDERSTAND THAT A MAN NEEDS A BREAK
WHAT BETTER WAY THAN TO GET PEELED UP
SO TONIGHT LETS GET SOME JUMMIES
CRUISE DA CAMP, GET HALF LIT PRETTY MUCH A LITTLE BIT
CHORUS:
SO GIVE ME ANOTHER BEER
COME ON CANTCHA HEAR
ILL SCREAM IT IN YOUR EAR
GIVE ME ANOTHER BEER
2. THE OLE LADIES OUT THERE LAYIN ON THE HORN
CAUSE she's GOT NOWHERE TO STICK HER CAR
I GOTTA GET RID OF THAT MOUNTAIN OF EMPTIES
DA GARAGE SMELLS LIKE WOODIES BAR
IM GONNA PUT A KEG OF BEER IN THE ICE BOX
HOOK UP A GARDEN HOSE TO THAT
BOLT THE NOZZLE TO MY LAZY BOY
THEN I'll ALWAYS HAVE BEER ON TAP
SOME PEOPLE JUST don't UNDER STAND
WE WORK HARD AT TWO CAREERS
WE WORK ALL DAY AT DA SALT MINE
AT NIGHT WE WORK POUNDING BEERS
(REPEAT CHORUS)
BORN TO DRINK BEER
GO CAMP GET DRUNK
BORN TO DRINK BEER
FALL DOWN THROW UP
BORN TO DRINK BEER
I REMEMBER BACK IN '58 WHEN I WAS JUST A LAD
I WENT UP TO THE COPPER COUNTRY HUNTING WITH MY DAD
THE GROUND WAS BARE AND FROZEN SO WE COULDN'T TRACK NO DEER
SO MY OLD MAN GOT HIS KNAPSACK AND HE FILLED IT UP WITH BEER
HE SAID WE GOTTA TAKE A HIKE WAY OUT IN THE WOODS
THERE'S THIS GUY NAMED HEIKKI LUNTA HE'S CRAZY BUT HE'S GOOD
WE'LL LET HIM DRINK A COUPLE BEERS AND WHEN HE STARTS TO GLOW
HE'LL DO THE HEIKKI LUNTA DANCE AND THEN JUST WATCH IT SNOW
CHORUS:
DANCE, DANCE, DANCE HEIKKI LUNTA DANCE
MAKE IT SNOW, SNOW, SNOW HEIKKI LUNTA SNOW
DANCE, DANCE, DANCE HEIKKI LUNTA DANCE
2. I REMEMBER IT WAS CHRISTMAS EVE 15 YEARS AGO
ALL THE KIDS WERE CRYING CAUSE THEY DIDN'T HAVE NO SNOW
ACCORDING TO THE WEATHERMAN THEY DIDN'T HAVE A CHANCE
BUT THE WEATHERMAN DON'T KNOW ABOUT THE HEIKKI LUNTA DANCE
HEIKKI PUT HIS SNOWSHOES ON AND GRABBED A CAN OF BEER
HE PUT ON HIS GIANT PARTRIDGE WINGS AND ANTLERS FROM A DEER
THEN HE GRABBED A CEDAR BRANCH AND DANCED AROUND THE YARD
EVERYBODY SAID THEY NEVER SEEN IT SNOW SO HARD
3. I RECALL A TOURNAMENT OUT AT SUICIDE
ALL THE SNOW WAS MELTING AND WE COULDN'T GET A RIDE
ONE CRAZY FINN CAME DOWN THE HILL AND LANDED ON THE ROCKS
THEY SENT HIM BACK TO FINLAND IN A HOMEMADE CEDAR BOX
WE LOOKED FOR HEIKKI LUNTA BUT HE WAS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND
WE COULDN'T DO NO JUMPING WITH NO SNOW ON THE GROUND
IT WAS CARL PELLONPAA WHO FINALLY SAVED THE DAY
1. OUT IN DA JACKPINES AT DA BREAK OF DAWN
WE LOOK FOR A BUCK OR A TRACK
AT DA END OF DA DAY WE PUT OUR BULLETS AWAY
AND GO BACK TO OUR TARPAPER SHACK
WE SIT IN DA CAMP BY DA KEROSENE LAMP
AND BRAG ABOUT DA HUNTING WE DONE
WE'RE SWEATY OL' STINKIN' SAUNA BEER DRINKIN'
DEER HUNTING SON OF A GUNS
2. WE GO IN DA SAUNA AND WE SIT ON DA BENCH
AND START BEATING OURSELVES WITH A BRANCH
DEN WE RUN OUT BARE NAKED AND WE JUMP IN DA SNOW BANK
AND WE GO PUT ON OUR UDDER PANTS
WE PUT ON OUR SHIRTS FULL OF SAWDUST AND DIRT
AND WE STILL LOOK DA SAME WHEN WE'RE DONE
WE'RE SWEATY OL' STINKIN' SAUNA BEER DRINKIN'
DEER HUNTING SON OF A GUNS
3. WE JUMP IN DA CAR AND HEAD FOR WOODY'S BAR
CAUSE WE RAN OUTTA BEER YESTERDAY
DEN WE GET STUCK CAUSE WE AIN'T GOT DA TRUCK
SO WE HAVE TO PUSH ALL DA WAY
WE CRAWL THROUGH DA DOOR AND WE ORDER UP FOUR
AND START DRINKIN' 'EM DOWN ONE BY ONE
WE'RE SWEATY OL' STINKIN' SAUNA BEER DRINKIN'
DEER HUNTING SON OF A GUNS
4. WE DRINK LOTSA WHISKEY AND WE SHOOT LOTSA SIT
WE DRINK TILL OUR ELBOWS ARE SORE
DEN SOME JACK FROM DULUTH SAYS I STEPPED ON HIS BOOT
AND DEN WE ROLL AROUND ON DA FLOOR
I BITE OFF HIS EAR AND HE BUYS ME A BEER
WE ALWAYS HAVE LOTSA FUN
WE'RE SWEATY OL' STINKIN' SAUNA BEER DRINKIN'
ITS THE SECOND WEEK OF DEER CAMP
I GOT A SWOLLEN HEAD
I'M LYING WITH THE DUST BALLS
UNDERNEATH MY BED
AN ICY BREEZE IS BLOWING IN
THROUGH THE TONGUE AND GROOVE
MY PANTS ARE FROZEN TO THE FLOOR
AND I'M TOO SICK TO MOVE
I DIDN'T DRINK TOO MANY
ONLY THIRTY CANS OF BEER
IT MUST HAVE BEEN THAT LAST SHOT
THAT PUT ME UNDER HERE
CHORUS:
IT'S THE SECOND WEEK OF DEER CAMP
AND ALL THE GUYS ARE HERE
WE DRINK PLAY CARDS AND SHOOT THE BULL
BUT NEVER SHOOT NO DEER
THE ONLY TIME WE LEAVE THE CAMP
IS WHEN WE GO FOR BEER
THE SECOND WEEK OF DEER CAMP
IS THE GREATEST TIME OF YEAR
I REMEMBER PLAYING POKER
THAT WEASEL MUSTA WON
HE'S WEARING MY NEW SWAMPERS
AND SLEEPING WITH MY GUN
HE'S SNORING LIKE A CHAIN SAW
THE CAMP SMELLS LIKE A DUMP
SOMEONE'S DIRTY UNDERWEAR
IS HANGING ON THE PUMP
MUKKU’S IN THE WOOD BOX
EENER’S PASSED OUT ON THE STOVE
HIS FLANNEL SHIRT IS SMOKING
I WONDER IF HE KNOWS
CHORUS
VITO’S CRAWLING THROUGH THE DOOR
I THINK HE GOT FROSTBITE
HE PASSED OUT IN THE OUTHOUSE
AND HE'S BEEN THERE SINCE LAST NIGHT
THEN GOOFUS STUMBLES THROUGH THE DOOR
HE SAYS HE GOT A BUCK
HE WAS COMING FROM THE WAYSIDE
AND HE KILLED IT WITH HIS TRUCK
THEN MUUSTI CRACKS A BEER AND SAYS
ITS TIME TO CELEBRATE
GOOFUS GOT THE FIRST BUCK
SINCE 1968
1. I KNOW IT'S GETTING LATE
AND I KNOW WE HAD A DATE LUCIA
I HATE TO MAKE YOU WAIT
CAUSE IT WOULD BE SO GREAT TO SEE YA
TEARS FALL FROM MY EYES
AND I MUST APOLOGIZE LUCIA
ILL HAVE TO STAY AT HOME
SO I CALLED YOU ON THE PHONE
CAUSE I'M STUCK HERE ON THE THRONE
WITH DIARRHEA
I THOUGHT IT WAS ONLY GAS
SO I WENT AND LET ONE PASS
THEN I STOOD THERE IN A TRANCE
AS I FILLED MY BRAND NEW PANTS
2. MY MOTHER BROUGHT ME SOUP
BUT IT ONLY MADE ME POOP LUCIA
I NEVER SHOULD HAVE ATE
BUT IT SOUNDED LIKE A GREAT IDEA
YOU KNOW IT REALLY HURTS
WHEN YOU GOT THE HERSHEY SQUIRTS LUCIA
THERE'S NO PAPER TO BE SEEN
SO I USED PEOPLE MAGAZINE
AND IT MAKES ME WANNA SCREAM
DIARRHEA
I LOVE YOU DEAR WITH ALL MY HEART
BUT I CAN'T GO OUT WITH LIQUID FARTS
I WOULDN'T HAVE TO BREAK OUR DATE
IF ONLY I COULD CONSTIPATE
3. I KNOW YOU GOT THE HOTS
BUT I REALLY GOT THE TROTS LUCIA
THERE'S NO NEED TO SCREAM AND SHOUT
CAUSE TOMORROW WE'LL GO OUT I GUARANTEE YA
I KNOW YOU NEED YOUR MAN
SO I CAME UP WITH A PLAN LUCIA
ILL TAKE A CORK AND SUPER GLUE
POUND IT IN THERE WITH MY SHOE
AND THEN I'll BE ALL THROUGH
1. A MOSQUITO RAPED A CHICKEN IN A BLUEBERRY PATCH
SEVEN DAYS LATER THE CHIQUITOS HATCHED
THEY GREW UP FAST AND THEY GREW UP MEAN
THEY TORE A BIG HOLE IN THE WINDOW SCREEN
THEY SUCKED ALL THE JUICE FROM A RASPBERRY PIE
THEY CAUGHT UP WITH THE BEAGLE AND THEY SUCKED HIM DRY
THEY TOOK A FEW PINTS FROM ME AND MY MOTHER
THEN THEY FLEW AWAY WITH MY LITTLE BROTHER
CHORUS:
WHAT'S THAT NOISE COMING OUT OF THE BLUE
LIKE A SQUADRON OF B-52S
ITS A FLOCK OF CHIQUITOS AND they're FLYING LOW
DEATH AND DESTRUCTION WHEREVER THEY GO
GRAB THE KIDS AND HIDE ALL THE PETS
GET OUT THE GUNS AND THE CHIQUITO NETS
BOARD UP THE WINDOWS AND SANDBAG THE DOORS
WE GOTTA GET READY GET READY FOR WAR
2. I LOVE TO HUNT CHIQUITOS ON A HOT SUMMER NIGHT
CRUISING THE BUSH ROADS AND SHINING THE LIGHT
I WAIT TILL THEY LAND AND THEN I SHOOT MY GUN
I don't NEED THE MEAT I JUST HUNT FOR FUN
I BAGGED ME A TROPHY JUST LAST WEEK
WITH A FIVE FOOT WINGSPAN AND A SIX FOOT BEAK
I SHOT THAT SUCKER IN SELF DEFENSE
HE WAS CHEWING A HOLE IN MY CHAIN LINK FENCE
TWO CHIQUITOS KNOCKED ME DOWN
I PLAYED DEAD AND I LAID ON THE GROUND
I RAN FOR THE HOUSE WHEN I HEARD ONE SAY
SHOULD WE EAT HIM HERE OR FLY HIM AWAY
THEY DRILLED THROUGH THE ROOF WAY UP BY THE PEAK
I GRABBED A HAMMER AND I BENT IN THEIR BEAKS
THEY LIFTED THE ROOF AND THEY FLEW IT AWAY
I FOUND MY SHINGLES IN SHELTER BAY
1. I CAN’T FORGET THE NIGHT WE MET
YOU WERE SUCH A HUNK
YOU TOOK ME TO YOUR UNCLE'S CAMP
AND WE GOT REALLY DRUNK
I ASKED YOU FOR SOME FOREPLAY
YOU WENT AND GOT THE CARDS
YOU SAID LETS PLAY 15-2
THAT FOREPLAY SOUNDS TOO HARD
2. I DRAGGED YOU TO THE SAUNA
I TRIED TO PRIME YOUR PUMP
YOU PASSED OUT UPON THE BENCH
AND LAID THERE LIKE A STUMP
I BEAT YOU WITH SOME CEDAR BOUGHS
I TRIED TO GET YOU HOT
YOU GOT ALL EXCITED
AND WENT OFF LIKE A SHOT
CHORUS:
I'M MARRIED TO A COUCH DAT BURPS
AND TALKS TO THE TV
THE LAST TIME YOU TOOK ME OUT
WAS 1963
SHOULDA LISTENED TO MY MA
AND MARRIED SOME OLD FART
ONE WITH LOTS OF MONEY
AND TROUBLE WITH HIS HEART
3. I WENT TO DR. TOBIN
CAUSE I WAS GAINING WEIGHT
HE SAID I SHOULD HAVE CROSSED MY LEGS
CAUSE I WAS THREE MONTHS LATE
IT COULDN'T HAVE BEEN THOSE MAKI BOYS
FROM DOWN IN ISHPEMING
THEY DIDN'T TAKE NO CHANCES
THEY USED THOSE RUBBER THINGS
4. YOU WENT DOWN TO GREEN BAY
WITH YOUR BUDDY BOB
ALL YOU DID WAS GUZZLE BEER
AND DIDN'T FIND A JOB
I COULDN'T WAIT TILL YOU GOT HOME
YOU HAD TO MARRY ME
NOW I'M MARRIED TO A COUCH DAT BURPS
AND TALKS TO THE TV
I WAS BORN A YOOPER WITH BEER IN MY VEINS
I DRINK IT EVERY DAY TO TRY TO EASE THE PAIN
OF ELEVEN MONTHS OF WINTER AND 30 DAYS OF RAIN
AND IF I DIDN’T HAVE MY BEER I THINK I’D GO INSANE
I DRINK IT WHEN ITS FORTY BELOW, I DRINK IT WHEN IT’S HOT
I DRINK IT WHEN IM HAPPY, I DRINK IT WHEN IM NOT
I DRINK IT IN THE SAUNA, I DRINK IT IN MY TRUCK
I DRINK IT OUT AT THE DEER CAMP WHEN I’M CHASING THEM BIG BUCKS
GIVE THIS BOY A BEER MAN, GIVE THIS BOY A BEER
I LOVE THE STUFF, I CAN’T GET ENOUGH BEER BEER BEER
YOU CAN KEEP YOUR WHISKEY YOU CAN KEEP YOUR WINE
I’LL TAKE A COLD BEER ANY OLD TIME
BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER
I LOVE THE STUFF, CAN’T GET ENOUGH BEER BEER BEER
MY DADDY WAS A MINER MY MOTHER WAS THE BOSS
SHE BEAT HIM ALMOST EVERY NIGHT FOR DRINKING TOO MUCH SAUCE
MOTHER WAS AS HARD AS NAILS SHE NEVER SHED A TEAR
WHEN DADDY TOOK AWAY MY MILK AND HANDED ME A BEER
I DRINK IT UP IN HOUGHTON AND OVER IN THE S00
DOWN IN ESCANABA I DRINK THAT GOLDEN BREW
I DRINK IT IN NEGAUNEE AND OVER IN MARQUETTE
I WENT TO A BASH IN NEWBERRY I AIN’T GOT OVER YET
GIVE THIS BOY A BEER MAN GIVE THIS BOY A BEER
I LOVE THE STUFF, I CAN’T GET ENOUGH BEER BEER BEER
YOU CAN KEEP YOUR WHISKEY, YOU CAN KEEP YOUR WINE
I’LL TAKE A COLD BEER ANY OLD TIME
BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER BEER
1. MY UNCLE HAD A BEER GUT
THAT WEIGHED TWO HUNDRED POUNDS
HE USED A WHEELBARROW
TO HAUL IT INTO TOWN
THEY TREAT HIM LIKE A KING
WHEN HE WALKS INTO WOODY'S BAR
HIS BEER GUT PAYS FOR LIGHTS AND HEAT
AND WOODY'S BRAND NEW CAR
2. NUDSIE GOT A BEER GUT
THAT GETS BIGGER EVERY YEAR
SINCE NUDSIE GAVE UP LIFTING WEIGHTS
AND STARTING HOISTING BEERS
HE WAS LYING ON THE BEACH ONE DAY
THE SUN KEPT GETTING HOTTER
SOME SAVE THE WHALE FREAKS CAME
AND DRAGGED HIM BACK INTO THE WATER
CHORUS:
BEER GUTS OF AMERICA
STAND UP IF YOU CAN
STICK OUT YOUR BIG BEER GUT
AND HOIST A COOL ONE IN YOUR HAND
YOUR BEER GUT IS YOUR BUDDY
ITS A FRIEND WHO'S ALWAYS NEAR
AND ALL YOU EVER HAVE TO DO
IS FEED IT LOTS OF BEER
3. MUNGO DRANK A PONY KEG
AT DROOPY AHO'S WEDDING
HIS EYES WENT ROLLING ROUND AND ROUND
AND THEN HE STARTED SWEATING
HE TRIPPED ON DUCK AND FUZZ
'CAUSE THEY WERE PASSED OUT ON THE FLOOR
HE LANDED ON HIS BEER GUT
AND HE BOUNCED RIGHT OUT THE DOOR
4. I TOOK MY DATE INTO THE SAUNA
AND ON THE BENCH WE SAT
SHE POINTED AND SHE SAID
'I NEVER SEEN ONE BIG AS THAT"
SHE HELD IT AND SHE STROKED IT
AND SHE TOLD ME WITH A SMILE
BODY BUILDERS MAKE ME SICK
BUT BEER GUTS DRIVE ME WILD
1. THE SMELT ARE A RUNNING THE FEVER'S IN THE AIR
THE SMELTERS ARE COMING WITH THEIR WADERS AND BEER
THERE'S TOIVO AND EINO IN THEIR PICKUP TRUCK
THEY GOT ALMA AND MARTHA IN CASE THEY GET STUCK
2. AND THE BOYS FROM THE COLLEGE THEY ALL COME BY HERE
THEY'RE EATING THEIR RAW SMELT AND DRINKING THEIR BEER
THEY ALL GO SO CRAZY THEY GOT NOTHING TO LOSE
THEY FALL IN THE RIVER AND THROW UP ON THEIR SHOES
CHORUS:
EVERYBODY'S GOING SMELTING
EVERYBODY'S GOING SMELTING
EVERYBODY'S GOING SMELTING
SMELTING U.S.A.
3. AND THOSE DOWNSTATE BOYS IN THEIR WINNEBAGO'S
ARE FISHING FOR BIG SMELT WITH THEIR FISHING POLES
THEY LOVE US YOOPERS AND THEY DON'T GIVE A DAMN
IF WE DRINK ALL THEIR BEERS AND EAT ALL THEIR SPAM
(REPEAT CHORUS)
4. YAH THE SMELT ARE A RUNNING THE FEVER'S EVERYWHERE
SO PATCH UP YOUR WADERS ITS THAT TIME OF YEAR
PICK UP A SIX-PACK AND DUST OFF THE NET
SECOND WEEK OF DEER CAMP
Da Yoopers
(Dr. Demento's 25th anniversery tape)
Note: This transcription is dedicated to my uncle and
confirmation sponsor, Mr. Anthony Mazanec, who
was the best hunter in the Cleveland area
and who passed away last year
Hey there goes one (BANG!) Hey you shot my cow!
It's the second week of deer camp
I got a swollen head
I'm lying with the dustballs
Underneath the bed
An icy breeze is blowing
Into the tongue and groove
My pants are frozen to the floor
And I'm too sick to move
I didn't drink so many
Just durty (thirty) cans of beer
It musta been that last shot
That put me under here
REFRAIN
It's the second week of deer camp
And all the guys are here
We drink play cards and shoot the bull
But never shoot no deer
The only time we leave the camp
Is when we go for beer
The second week of deer camp
Is the greatest time of year
I remember playing poker
That weasel musta won
He's wearing my new swampers
And sleeping with my gun
He's snoring like a chainsaw
The camp smells like a dump
Someone's dirty underwear
Is hanging on the pump
Mickey's in the woodbox
Weener's on the stove
His flannel shirt is smoking (sniff)
I wonder if he knows (YEOW!)
REFRAIN
Beadle's crawling through the door
I think he got frostbite
He passed out in the outhouse
And he's been there since last night
Goofus stumbled through the door
He says he got a buck
He was coming from the wayside
And hit it with his truck
Musty cracked a beer and said
Let's celebrate
Goofus caught the first buck
Since 1968
REFRAIN
1. YOU USED TO TAKE MY PARKING IN YOUR RUSTY CHEVROLET
WED GO OUT TO THE PALMER DUMP AND WATCH THE BEARS AT PLAY
NOW THE HONEYMOON IS OVER YOU don't TAKE ME ANYPLACE
YOU JUST LAY THERE ON THE SOFA POURING BEER INTO YOUR FACE
2. YOU USED TO GO OUT JOGGING AND YOU WORKED OUT REAL HARD
YOU LOOKED JUST LIKE JANE FONDA IN YOUR HOT PINK LEOTARDS
NOW YOU LOOK JUST LIKE GODZILLA WITH YOUR 52 INCH HIPS
AND THE HAIR KEEPS GETTING THICKER UPON YOUR UPPER LIP
CHORUS:
WERE THE ROTUND FAMILY WE NEVER GET ALONG
WE LOVE TO DRIVE EACH OTHER NUTS AND ARGUE ALL DAY LONG
BUT WHEN WE ORDER PIZZA that's ONE TIME WE ALL AGREE
CAUSE NO ONE LOVES THAT PIZZA LIKE THE ROTUND FAMILY
PEPPERONI CAPICOLLI MOUNDS OF MUSHROOMS TOO
MOZZARELLA MORTADELLA BABY SWISS AND BLEU
ANCHOVIES AND OLIVES AND LOTS OF CUDIGHI
That's THE PERFECT PIZZA FOR THE ROTUND FAMILY
3. THOSE TWO BRAIN DEAD KIDS OF YOURS THEY BOTH TAKE AFTER YOU
THEY SIT LIKE STUMPS AND WATCH TV AND EAT TILL THEY TURN BLUE
ITS TWO DAYS AFTER PAYDAY AND THEY ATE UP ALL MY PAY
AND I haven't SEEN THE DOG OR CAT SINCE LUNCHTIME YESTERDAY
4. it's YOU THAT THEY TAKE AFTER YOU NO GOOD LAZY BUM
YOU ALL SHOW UP LIKE CALLOUSES WHEN ALL THE WORK IS DONE
IF I EVER WANNA GET SOME HELP AROUND THE HOUSE
(FEMALE VOCAL)
1. SHUT THE DOOR YOUNG MAN AND PUT DOWN THOSE BOOKS
DON'T STAND THERE GIVING ME THOSE DIRTY LOOKS
I SAW YOU KICKING THAT SWEET LITTLE GIRL
THAT LITTLE RONETTE WITH THE PRETTY BLONDE CURLS
I SAW THOSE TEARS IN HER PRETTY BLUE EYES
NOW GET OUT THERE AND APOLOGIZE
(MALE VOCAL)
2. YOU THINK I'M CRAZY I DON'T WANNA DIE
SHE'S JUST FAKIN' IT SHE DON'T CRY
SHE LOOKS SO SWEET AND SHE ACTS SO GOOD
SHE'S THE NORMAN BATES OF THE NEIGHBORHOOD
SHE'S DIRTY AND ROTTEN AND SNEAKY AND MEAN
SHE AIN'T NO GIRL SHE'S A DEATH MACHINE
CHORUS:
DIRTY LITTLE RAT RONETTE
DIRTY LITTLE TEACHER'S PET
ALL YOU TEACHERS THINK SHE'S NEAT
YOU DON'T KNOW SHE EATS RAW MEAT
WE'RE JUST LUCKY SHE AIN'T KILLED US YET
DIRTY LITTLE RAT RONETTE
(FEMALE VOCAL)
3. LISTEN YOUNG MAN I KNOW YOU'RE LYING
LOOK AT THAT ANGEL YOU'VE GOT HER CRYING
SHE'S SO SWEET AND SHE'S SO CUTE
HOW COULD YOU PICK ON HER YOU BRUTE
SHE TOLD ME JUST HOW MEAN YOU WERE
NOW GET OUT THERE AND MAKE UP WITH HER
(MALE VOCAL)
4. IF YOU MAKE ME GO OUT THERE
SHE'LL GOUGE MY EYES AND TEAR MY HAIR
SHE'LL PUNCH MY NOSE JUST TO WATCH IT SQUIRT
THEN SHE'LL KICK ME WHERE IT HURTS
LET ME GO TURN ME LOOSE
I'LL SUE YOUR BUTT FOR CHILD ABUSE
CHORUS:
DIRTY LITTLE RAT RONETTE
DIRTY LITTLE TEACHER'S PET
SHE GROWS FANGS WHEN SHE'S OUT OF SCHOOL
HER EYES TURN RED AND SHE STARTS TO DROOL
WE'RE JUST LUCKY SHE AIN'T KILLED US YET
DIRTY LITTLE RAT RONETTE
DIRTY LITTLE RAT RONETTE DIRTY LITTLE RAT RONETTE
DIRTY LITTLE RAT RONETTE DIRTY LITTLE RAT RONETTE
WE'RE JUST LUCKY SHE AIN'T KILLED US YET
1. MY BEAGLE DRIVES A RABBIT
ALL NIGHT LONG
HE AND HIS BUDDY PETE CRUISE THE BUSH ROADS
OUT OF TOWN
WELL I SORTA SUSPECTED THOSE TWO RIGHT
FROM THE START
NOW A STICK OF DYNAMITE WON'T BREAK
THOSE TWO APART
2. THE BUDDIES THINK HE'S A GOOD OLE'
STUDDLY HOUND
THE GREATEST DAMNED OLE' RABBIT DRIVING
MUTT AROUND
BUT THEY DON'T KNOW HIS TAIL WAGS THE
OTHER WAY, HOLY WAH
I'M TELLING YOU, I THINK MY
BEAGLE'S GAY
CHORUS:
IT'S HUMILIATING, AGGRAVATING,
FRUSTRATING, IRRITATING
WHEN YOUR DOG'S A FORNICATING
ON THE MAIL MAN'S LEG
THE HUMILIATION, AGGRAVATION,
FRUSTRATION THAT YOU FEEL
WHEN YOUR DOG'S GOT A RED ONE
FOR THE NEIGHBOR'S BULLDOG STAG
IT'S REPUGNANT, SHOULD I MAKE HIM CHANGE HIS WAYS?
IT'S REDUNDANT, WILL HE ALWAYS BE THIS WAY?
YOU KNOW LOOKS CAN BE DECEIVING
AND LOVE IS BLIND THEY SAY
BUT I'M NOT SURE, I THINK MY BEAGLE'S GAY
3. DA WIFE TOLD ME THAT I WAS
BEING A FOOL
IT'S JUST ANOTHER DOGGY PHASE
HE'S GOING THROUGH
SO I TOOK HIM TO MUTTIE MAKIE'S
DOWN THE STREET
HE HAD A BEAUTIFUL FEMALE BEAGLE
SHE WAS IN HEAT
4. I SAID TO MY DOG, "GO GET HER STUDDLY,
YEAH, HAVE SOME FUN"
"SHE'S RIGHT OVER THERE, COME ON, GO AHEAD,
SHOW OLE' MUTTI HERE HOW IT'S DONE"
WELL, HE WENT OVER THERE AND
TOOK A SNIFF
BUT THEN HE YAWNED AND TOOK A
GREAT BIG POOP
MUTTI LAUGHED AND LAUGHED,
I FELT LIKE A STOOP!
(REPEAT CHORUS)
CHORUS:
GRANDPA GOT RUN OVER BY A BEER TRUCK
COMING OUT OF WOODY'S CHRISTMAS DAY
GRANDMA GOT A JOB OUT AT THE BREWERY
I NEVER KNEW THAT SHE COULD DRIVE THAT WAY
1. GRANDPA WAS OUT DRINKING WITH THE FLOOZIES
SPENDING ALL OF GRANDMA'S HARD EARNED DOUGH
HE DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH TO PAY THE BAR TAB
SO WOODY TOSSED HIM OUT INTO THE SNOW
2. GRANDPA STOOD THERE FROZEN IN THE HEAD LIGHTS
HE LOOKED JUST AS HELPLESS AS A DEER
I DON'T THINK HE WAS AFRAID OF DYING
I THINK HE WAS AFRAID HE'D SPILL HIS BEER
(REPEAT CHORUS)
3. WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT HE'D END UP AS A ROAD KILL
SHE FLATTENED HIM RIGHT OUT ON THE CENTER LINE
HE COULD HAVE MADE IT TO THE CURB IF HE WERE QUICKER
BUT SHE BACKED IT UP AND SQUASHED HIM ONE MORE TIME
4. GRANDMA CRIED AND CRIED AT GRANDMA'S FUNERAL
NOT BECAUSE WE PEELED HIM OFF THE ROAD
ALL THE LOOT SHE GOT FROM HIS INSURANCE
WENT TO PAY THE BAR TAB THAT HE OWED
1. Some guys like that bottled beerSome like it in a canSome say a keg's
the best beerFor a real beer drinking manEveryone has their
favouriteBut on one thing they agreeThe greatest beer in all the
worldIs the one you drink for freeFree beer free beerThat's my
favourite brandIf I didn't have to buy itIt's the best beer in the
landWarm flat funkyIt don't matter to meThe greatest beer in this
whole worldIs the one you buy for me
2. The boys at the bar were
bettingOn whose beer was the bestI didn't have a nickelSo they
chose me to make the testThose fifteen different kinds of beerWere
wonderful to meEach one was my favourite brewThe beer I drink for
freeFree beer free beerThat's my favourite brandIf I didn't
have to buy itIt's the best beer in the landWarm flat funkyIt
don't matter to meThe greatest beer in this whole worldIs the one you
buy for me
3. Our old pal Nudsie got marriedHe was trying to save
some bucksHe went out and bought the cheapest beerAnd boy it really
suckedBut after you choke that first one downThe rest go easilyAs
long as you remember thatYou're drinking them all for freeFree
beer free beerThat's my favourite brandIf I didn't have to buy
itIt's the best beer in the landWarm flat funkyIt don't matter to
1. 20 YOOPERS IN A PONTOON BOAT
DRIVEN BY MY BUDDY MIKE
WE'RE FISHIN OUT ON THE BASIN
FOR ALLIGATOR WALLEYE PIKE
EMIL BROUGHT HIS TV
AND ROUTIES BEAGLE FRED
HE'S TOO OLD TO DRIVE A RABBIT
SO HE COMES FISHIN WITH US INSTEAD
WE GOT LAWN CHAIRS A POKER TABLE
AN ICE COLD KEG OF BEER
WE'RE LOADED DOWN WITH SO MUCH STUFF
MIKE CAN HARDLY STEER
CHORUS:
20 YOOPERS IN A PONTOON BOAT
FISHIN FOR MOBY DICK
DA WIFE SHE THINKS I'M WORKING
& DA BOSS HE THINKS I'M SICK
IT'S A PERFECT DAY FOR FISHIN
DRINKING BEER AND TELLING LIES
ITS A LITTLE BIT LIKE HEAVEN
WHEN YOU'RE FISHIN WIT DA GUYS
2. MOOCH IS SHOWING DIRTY SHIRT
THE PROPER WAY TO CAST
HE SNAGS OLE NO NECK BY DA EAR
OF COURSE NOBODY LAUGHS
DABBERS GRILLING VENISON STEAKS
DA FLAMES ARE THREE FEET HIGH
HIS FISHING HAT IS SMOLDERING
BUT IT KEEPS AWAY DA FLIES
MUNGOS ON HIS FIFTEENTH BEER
HE'S STANDING BY DA KEG
HE DON'T KNOW FRED DA BEAGLE
IS GOING ON HIS LEG
(REPEAT CHORUS)
3. A WINNEBAGOS BOBBING BY
IT LOOKS LIKE NOAH'S ARK
ITS FULL OF TERRORISTS FROM OHIO
FISHING FOR FRESHWATER SHARK
THEY SAY SOME FOOL FORGOT DA PLUG
THEIR BOAT SANK LIKE A ROCK
SO THEY LAUNCHED DA WINNEBAGO
IT BEATS FISHIN FROM DA DOCK
SO WE ALL RUN UP FRONT TO LOOK
AND DA PONTOON STARTS TO SINK
EVERYBODY BUT FRED DA BEAGLE
ENDS UP IN THE DRINK
(FEMALE VOCAL)
1. YOU SMELL JUST LIKE A CAN OF WORMS
BAKING IN THE SUN
THERE'S FISH GUTS HANGING FROM YOUR CHIN
I SURE HOPE YOU HAD FUN
YOU GOTTA STOP HANGING 'ROUND
THAT WORTHLESS BUNCH OF GUYS
CAUSE IF YOU DUMP A SHIFT AGAIN
I'LL BLACKEN BOTH YOUR EYES
2. IF YOU GO OUT FISHING
AND FORGET TO DO YOUR CHORES
I'M GONNA TAKE THE CHAIN SAW
AND CUT UP THAT BOAT OF YOURS
IF I CATCH YOU MAKING SPAWN BAGS
FROM MY BRAND NEW PANTYHOSE
I'LL TAKE THOSE SMELLY FISH EGGS
AND RAM 'EM UP YOUR NOSE
CHORUS:
FISH FISH FISH
THAT'S ALL YOU EVER DO
FISH FISH FISH
WIT DAT LOUSY CREW
(MALE VOCAL)
NAG NAG NAG THAT'S ALL YOU EVER DO
NAG NAG NAG
UNTIL YOUR FACE TURNS BLUE
(FEMALE VOCAL)
3. I THOUGHT YOU GAVE ME CHINESE FOOD
IN THOSE TWO FOAM CUPS
I NEARLY HAD A HEART ATTACK
WHEN I WARMED 'EM UP
A HEAP OF SLIMY DEW WORMS
WAS SQUIRMING ON MY PLATE
YOU'RE LUCKY THAT I SAW THEM MOVE
BEFORE IT WAS TOO LATE
4. I THREW OUT THOSE FISH EGGS
IN THOSE GERBER BABY JARS
BABY HUEY ATE SOME
NOW HE BACKFIRES LIKE A CAR
I'M GONNA SMASH YOUR TACKLE BOX
AND BREAK YOUR FISHING POLES
AND TAKE MY SUSHI KNIFE
AND FILL YOUR WADERS FULL OF HOLES
(REPEAT CHORUS)
5. MY MOTHER TRIED TO WARN ME
THIS TIME I'M GONNA LISTEN
SHE TOLD ME I SHOULD LEAVE YOU
THE NEXT TIME YOU GO FISHING
(MALE VOCAL)
I'M REALLY GONNA MISS YOU
AND ALL THE FUN WE HAD
BUT IF YOU WANNA SEE ME
I'LL BE FISHING WITH YOUR DAD
CHORUS: (FEMALE VOCAL)
FISH FISH FISH
THAT'S ALL YOU EVER DO
FISH FISH FISH
WIT DAT LOUSY CREW
(MALE VOCAL)
I GOTTA GO GO GO
STOP CAWING YOU OLD CROW
NO NO NO
1. LUTEFISK BOILING ON DA STOVE
ITALIANS AT THE DOOR
THEY SPILL A PAN OF MEATBALLS
ALL OVER MARTHA'S FLOOR
UNCLE HEIKKI SLIPS ON THEM
AND STARTS A GREAT BIG FIGHT
IT'S CHRISTMAS TIME AT MY HOUSE
IT'S GONNA BE SOME NIGHT
2. THE KIDS ARE ON A SUGAR BUZZ
THEY JUST WON'T GO TO BED
THEY GOT THE LATEST VIDEO GAMES
DANCING IN THEIR HEADS
THEY SPOTTED UNCLE BRUNO
SNOOZING NEXT TO ME
THEY POPPED OUT HIS FALSE TEETH
AND HUNG 'EM ON THE TREE
CHORUS:
CHRISTMAS TIME FOOD AND WINE
FAMILY FRIEND AND FOE
WE CELEBRATE HIS BIRTHDAY
BY SPENDING ALL OUR DOUGH
NOW WERE BROKE AND HAPPY
AND FULL OF CHRISTMAS CHEER
IT'S JUST TO BAD THAT CHRISTMAS TIME
COMES ONLY ONCE A YEAR
3. THE MOTHER-IN-LAWS BEEN DRINKING
FROM A JUG OF DAGO RED
SHE'S DANCING ON THE TABLE
WITH HER BLOOMERS ON HER HEAD
THE MINISTERS ON THE ORGAN
PLAYING ROCK AROUND THE CLOCK
HE TRIES TO GIVE A SERMON BUT
HE'S JUST TO DRUNK TO TALK
4. THE BROTHER-IN-LAW PLAYS SANTA CLAUSE
HE'S DIGGING IN HIS SACK
THE KIDS ARE SHOVING NICKELS
DOWN HIS BIG BUTT CRACK
HE JUMPS UP TO CHASE THEM
AND HIS PANTS FALL TO HIS KNEES
HE TRIPS ON UNCLE BRUNO
AND HE TOTALS OUT THE TREE
1. YOU'RE JUST LIKE A STRANGER
WHEN YOU'RE IN A BINGO TRANCE
THE KIDS DON'T EVEN
KNOW YOU ANYMORE
WITH YOUR BINGO BAG AND DAUBER
AND YOUR LUCKY BINGO PANTS
YOU LOOK LIKE A SOLDIER
GOING OFF TO WAR
2. YOU BEG THE KIDS FOR MONEY
BUT THEY HIDE THEIR PIGGY BANKS
YOU'RE JUST LIKE MY UNCLE
WHEN HE NEEDS A DRINK
YOU'RE MUMBLING AND YOU'RE SWEATING
AND YOU GOT THE BINGO SHAKES
I THINK it's TIME TO
SEE A BINGO SHRINK
YOU USED TO GO TO BINGO
ONLY ONCE A WEEK
THEN YOU GOT THE FEVER
NOW YOU'RE A BINGO FREAK
CHORUS:
YOU PLAY BINGO UP IN LANSE
WITH YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR AUNTS
AND YOU TELL ME THAT it's
ONLY RECREATION
BUT YOU ALWAYS GET SO HOT
WHEN YOU HAVE TO SPLIT THE POT
THEY HAVE TO KICK YOU
OFF THE RESERVATION
3. I REMEMBER ON OUR HONEYMOON
I DIDN'T SLEEP AT ALL
CAUSE YOU KEPT YELLING
BINGO IN YOUR SLEEP
YOU DRAGGED ME OUT OF BED
AND THREW ME UP AGAINST THE WALL
AND SAID YOU BETTER CALL
1-17 YOU CREEP
4. THEN THERE WAS THAT OTHER TIME
DOWN AT THE LEGION HALL
REMEMBER THAT OLE LADY
THAT YOU CLOBBERED
YOU WERE PLAYING 50 CARDS
AND SHE WAS PLAYING ONE
SHE YELLED BINGO AND YOU
STABBED HER WITH YOUR DAUBER
YOU USED TO GO TO BINGO
TO PLAY IT JUST FOR KICKS
NOW YOU'RE A BINGO JUNKIE
AND YOU NEED A BINGO FIX
(REPEAT CHORUS)
5. NOW HERE YOU ARE JUST SITTING
IN THIS MARQUETTE COUNTY JAIL
FOR BEATING UP THAT
POOR OLD BINGO CALLER
YOU SAID THAT GUMMER RIGGED THE GAME
HE WOULDN'T LET YOU WIN
HE PRETENDED THAT HE
DIDN'T HEAR YOU HOLLER
YOU TRIED TO KICK THE HABIT
BUT IT DROVE YOU UP THE WALL
SO YOU SNUCK OUT WITH YOUR BINGO BUDDIES
UP TO THE BINGO HALL
1. I WAS BORN IN A BLIZZARD IN A WILLY'S JEEP
THE U.P. BLOOD IN MY VEINS RUNS DEEP
BUT I MOVED DOWN HERE BACK IN ‘65
CAUSE THE MINE CLOSED DOWN AND I HAD TO SURVIVE
WORKING IN THE CITY WITH A MILLION LIGHTS
GIVING ‘ER TARPAPER DAY AND NIGHT
THE FOREMAN SAYS I’M A WORKING FOOL
CAUSE I EARN MY PAY AND DON’T BREAK NO RULES
CHORUS:
IF I DIDN’T NEED THE WORK I WOULDN’T BE HERE
I’D BE BACK HOME ON THE LAST FRONTIER
GETTING ME SOME OF THAT CULTURE SHOCK
LISTENING TO SOME YOOPER TALK
2. CRUISING IN THE CHEVY THROUGH THE COOL GREEN PINES
ON A BEAT UP HIGHWAY WITH SHOT UP SIGNS
EATING A PASTY OUT AT AHO’S CAMP
PLAYING 15-2 BY THE KEROSENE LAMP
THROWING SOME SHOES WITH THE OTHER GUYS
SHOOTING THE BREEZE AND JUST SWATTING FLIES
GETTING ALL LIT UP ON THAT SIX POINT BEER
CRUISING THE BACK ROADS AND SHINING DEER
IF I DIDN’T NEED THE WORK I WOULDN’T BE HERE
I’D BE BACK HOME ON THE LAST FRONTIER
GETTING ME SOME OF THAT CULTURE SHOCK
why do girls think i'm scary?
why do they treat me like a circus freak?
is it because of my big melon head
or because i talk like a geek
or is it because when i'm on the phone with them
i breathe just like this (loud breathing)
why do girls think i'm scary? will i ever get a kiss?
why do girls think i'm scary?
why do they think that i'm a knob?
is it because the way i walk
is faster then most people jog?
or is it because i like to say words
like okie dokie, pee-u and poo?
why do girls think i'm scary?
i'd feel honky dory if i knew
bridge:
if i had a girl friend
you know my love would never end
i'd buy her gifts, i'd buy her things
i'd buy her pearls and diamond rings
i'd lose some weight, i'd exercise
if i'd fart, i'd apologize
i'd wash my feet, i'd lift the seat
i'd even through away all my looky books
3. why do girls think i'm scary?
why do they think that i'm a dork?
is it because i only dress in black
and when i laugh i snort?
why do girls think i'm scary?
i wish somebody knew
why do girls think i'm scary?
why do they act like i smell like poo?
4. why do girls think i'm hideous?
why do they think that i'm a ghoul?
is it because i never get no sun
or because i always pee in the pool?
or is it because when i pass wind
it smells just like burnt shoe?
why do girls think i'm scary?
You have the wings, which rain can't drench
and still they are trembling beneath the touches of stars
In the massive chords of insane sounds
you are speaking to god, who doesn't see you
Alone with your pain under guard-sheath of the night
Joined by mysterious singing of nocturnal birds
From the light beams to the shadows of the stars
when night is still vernal
Dissapointed by the light in the abysses of dreams
Blackness shadow, uprised angel walking to the dark
You are the Lord of dusk but yet you shine
fervent heart vestured by the night
Alone with your pain under guard-sheath of the night
Joined by mysterious singing of nocturnal birds
From the light beams to the shadows of the stars
when night is still vernal
You emerge uprose from the darkness of your heart
from life's sorrow, above the upland of glory
You have the wings, which rain can't drench
and still they are trembling beneath the touches of stars
You emerge uprose from the darkness of your heart
from life's sorrow, above the upland of glory
You are the Lord of dusk but yet you shine
fervent heart vestured by the night
Alone with your pain under guard-sheath of the night
Joined by mysterious singing of nocturnal birds
You have the wings, which rain can't drench
and still they are trembling beneath the touches of stars
In the massive chords of insane sounds
I fear the light, I was always loving night
thus don't douse the stars for the piece of morning
Dark night-the muse of my words
I walk through the sombre forest with her, robed in silence
To pass the land of woods, where moon touches cold stones with his lips
Where whir of water is heard, that shriek which springs from decaying rocks
Words cannot represent what thought looses
so let be led and hear
The forest below the midnight shadow, the trees will spread their shroud
It is time of spell beginning, of merger with eternal world of darkness
We are the children of the darkness seducted by the light
Moon and stars, our lives are in them
Nothing but deep forest, the domination of wooden soul
hides unbound beauty of shattered dreams
Passion is eternal, the forest below the midnight shadow
by roots chained never-dying dream
Wood imperium, great and beautiful
life and belief drowned in the chilly night
I fear the light, I was always loving night
thus don't douse the stars for the piece of morning
Dark night-the muse of my words
I walk through the sombre forest with her, robed in silence
To pass the land of woods, where moon touches cold stones with his lips
Where whir of water is heard, that shriek which springs from decaying rocks
Words cannot represent what thought looses
so let be led and hear
Passion is eternal, the forest below the midnight shadow
by roots chained never-dying dream
Wood imperium, great and beautiful
Beyond the window of your thoughts
from deepest shadows of the waste swamps
by the eyes of whitebeard to the espied space,
oasis of silence, that crystal beauty of solitude, I gaze
I am an opened book, mind including of all
a desire fleshed in knowledge
An uncovered spring accessible to each
Majestic shrine so distant for that who don't see
Not everybody can enter to the hall of infrequent
where is allowed to peer into itself
Profoundness is denied to the blind
can't be understood without the self-belief
In your weakness you're seeking the god
The cause of your spiritual torments is material
Don't willing to see, don't want to hear
You're vain and I despise with ye
The gates are agape opened
Is permitted to come in who opens the eyes
Finished will be roaming on the wrong paths
I am an uncovered spring accessible to each
Majestic shrine so distant for that who don't see
I won't weep for your blindness
I am the one that will forgive myself
Not everybody can enter to the hall of infrequent
where is allowed to peer into itself
We are sooth great in our scruffiness
never can be butterfly altered to eagle
Thousand of subsistences
so blind and vainglorious
We are just a grain of sand
carried by the wind in the vast desert
We are falling into the void of our pride
The light of wisdom is hidden from the sight
astral world's gates are still closed
Imprisoned by our material existence
we are loosing the wings of spiritual being
"We are sooth great in our scruffiness"
Peer into your heart
and your eyes will see.
Lot of things are between the heaven and the earth, there
but just abiding ones can understand
We are doomed to live in darkness
In the times of ancient prophecies
when the taught found its tangibility
The eternal tale, beautiful in darkness,
born in the dusk begun
On the wings of storm, in the dark clear night
the land is trembling, bird of prey yells
Neigh of horses savaged by abhorrence
beyond the limits of earboundaries rises the paining wail
The last sabre of beams melting in tortures
day is dying and his mastery's might
Moon has flowered in the lament of sun
and purple dream, so falls the night
Under the forest walls; the knight nocturnal
by vesture shrouds the land into the awe
The nomad by sadness wandering in time
Arcane herald of misfortune
Temple of pain, strong and alone
the kingdom of shadow where no forgiveness is
Temple of pain, strong and alone
emperor of evil dreams, spiritual darkness
He cuts the clouds on a black horse
His sword's splendour; seems to be eternal
Within ourselves everyone bear
the origin of our misery
Temple of pain, strong and alone
the kingdom of shadow where no forgiveness is
Temple of pain, strong and alone
When moon rises high; when violates the sky
and stars on his shroud are dragged to follow him
The time has come to touch the mystery
through spell symbols so can peer to eternity
Candlelight, frozing shadow, the magic power of words,
Destruction of the veil of logic and of stupid human rules
Always is reason, there is no chance
There is no place for weak ones
Ceremonial magic, symbolic death is real
I hunger for the bath in the pool of your blood
in ache you will meet the pleasure of redemption
I am a fiery amulet on your breast
cauterized wound of the knowledge
An echo of ancient laments, mysterious breeze of knowledges
Power of mighties never seen by an eye
for which you dissolve as shadow eternal
Not whoever is allowed to peer...
Ceremonial magic, taste your own pain !
When moon rises high; when violates the sky
and stars on his shroud are dragged to follow him
The time has come to touch the mystery
Abused by lunar delirium
I rise along the marbled stairs
Smelling heavy breath of must
I know I am not in the realm of dreams
What leads my steps into these scenes ?
The creech of massive oaken doors and
through the body permeats the strength of supernature
An energy materialised in fear
as olden as very prime itself...
Abused by lunar delirium
I rise along the marbled stairs
Smelling heavy breath of must
I know I am not in the realm of dreams
What leads my steps into these scenes ?
The rooms ornamented by the cobwebbed shrouds
Heavy crimson curtains soaked with silence
The place, where hope is buried in flues
where strange tales are revived in lunar sigh
Time of Lunar spells
By terribleness driven, by moonlight wheedled
I hear the voices from the abysses of ancient worlds
wishful to unveil the silent beauty of the night
I want to touch the cult of blood with heart
to fill up the goblet of knowledge
to accept gift of timeless life
to be a wanderer not enchained by time
There is a purity in the dying, the yearning for a new birth
It's time of Lunar spells
Abused by lunar delirium
I rise along the marbled stairs
Smelling heavy breath of must
I know I am not in the realm of dreams
What leads my steps into these scenes ?
The rooms ornamented by the cobwebbed shrouds
Heavy crimson curtains soaked with silence
The place, where hope is buried in flues
where strange tales are revived in lunar sigh
My own true love
My own true love
At last Ive found you
My own true love
No lips but yours
No arms but yours
Will ever lead me
Through Heavens doors
I roamed the Earth
In search of this
I knew Id know you
Know you by your kiss
And by your kiss
Youve shown true love
Im yours forever
My own true love
The Duprees "Have You Heard" Track 7
From the CD "The Best Of The Duprees"
CopyRight 1990 Collectables Records Corp.
Box 35 Narberth, PA 19072
Have You Heard?
(Ahah ahh...Ahah ahh....Ahah ahh...Ahhh)
Have You Heard
(Wahh...Wahh...Ahh)
Who's kissing her now?
(Doo...Doo...Ooo)
Do you think she's blue?
Did she say we're through?
Has she found someone new?
(Ahhh...Ahhh...Ahhh)
Have you seen
(Ahh...Ahhh...Ahh)
The way she looks now?
(Doo..Doo...Ooo)
Does she act the same?
When she hears my name?
Does she say who's to blame?
My arms are empty
My nights are long and lonely
I miss her so
(Miss Her so)
Each new tomorrow
Can only bring me sorrow
I Love her sooooooo
Have you heard
(Ahhh...Ahhh...Ahh)
Of their wedding day?
(Doo...Doo..Ooo)
Rumors come and go
Still I'd like to know
If it's true, Won't you tell me?
Have you heard?
Have you heard
(Ahhh...Ahhh...Ahhh)
Of their Wedding Day?
(Doo...Doo...Ooo)
Rumors Come and go
Still I'd Like to know
If it's true won't you tell me?
Take away the breath of flowers
It would surly be a sin
Take the rain from April showers
It`s a sin
Take away the violins, dear
From a lovely symphony
And the music deep within
Would cease to be
Is it a sin to love you so
To hold you close and know you are leaving
Though you take away my heart dear
Still the beating there within
I`ll keep loving you forever
For it`s no sin
I`ll keep loving you forever
For it`s no sin
I`ll keep loving you forever
There are so many wars right now in this world
There are so many things not right
There are to many people hurt in this world
There are to many men that fight
Time is now to make the change
Time is on our side
Love will make us glow in the dark
So open up your heart
Are you ready for a brand new start?
Shine!
People let your light shine
Let the darkness fade away
Step into a brighter day
Don't forget about our world today
Let your light shine
Maybe the answer is just this simple song
Let everybody shine a long
To keep the World from going wrong!
Let your light shine
So many people with good hearts in this world
So many they can make a change
So the only thing that we have to do
Is love the one we hate
It will change all darkness into bright
It will touch everybody's light
The whole world will be lighted
All people will be reunited
Shine!
People let your light shine
Let the darkness fade away
Step into a brighter day
Don't forget about the role you must play
Let your light shine
Maybe the answer is just this simple song
Let everybody shine a long
To keep the world from going wrong
Let your light shine!
As long as we believe in good in each men
As long as we believe in love
The light will guide and take us to
The world we all dream off!
Let your light shine!
Shine!
People let your light shine
Maybe the answer is just this simple song
Let everybody shine a long
To keep the world from going wrong!
