Oh the bases were empty on the diamond of my heart
When the coach called me up to the plate.
I'd been swingin' and missin' and lovin, and kissin.
My average was point double-o eight.
So I spit on my hands,
Knocked the dirt from my spikes,
And pointed right towards center field.
This time I'm hittin' the home run.
This time love is for real.
I'll slide I'll steal, I'll sacfice,
A lovin' fly for you.
I've been slumpin' off season,
But now I've found the reason.
I've struck on a love that is true.
I used to play the field.
I used to be a roamer.
But season's turnin' around for me now.
I've finally bagged me a homer
That's right, I've finally bagged me a homer
Lurleen: You work all day, for some old man,
Sweat and break your back,
Then you go home to your castle,
But your queen won't cut you slack.
That's why you're losin' all your hair,
That's why you're overweight,
That's why you flipped your pickup truck
Right off the interstate.
There's a lot of bull they hand you,
There's nothin' you can do,
Your wife don't understand you, but I do,
I said your wife don't understand you, but I do!
You work all day
For some old man
Sweat and break your back (uh huh)
Then you go back to your castle
But your queen won't cut your slack (that's true)
That's why you're losing all your hair
That's why you're overweight (uh huh)
That's why you kick your pick- up truck
Right off the inner state (That's right! Except for the pick- up truck)
There's a lot of bull they hand you
There's nothin' you can do
Your wife don't understand you
But I do
Your wife don't understand you
But I do
No, no- one understands you but I do
Apu: You see, whether igloo, hut, or lean-to, or a geodesic
dome, There's no structure I have been to, which I'd
rather call my home.
When I first arrived, you were all such jerks,
But now I've come to looooooove your quirks.
Maggie with her eyes so bright,
Marge with hair by Frank Lloyd Wright,
Lisa can philosophise, Bart's adept at spinning lies,
Homer's a delightful fella, sorry 'bout the salmonella.
Homer: Heh heh, that's OK.
Apu: Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
Now here comes the tricky part.
Oh, won't you rhyme with me?
Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
Marge: Their floors are stick-E-Mart,
Lisa: They made Dad sick-E-Mart,
Bart: Let's hurl a brick-E-Mart,
Homer: The Kwik-E-Mart is real... D'oh!
OFF: Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
Apu: Not meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...[held for next three lines]
OFF: Forget the Kwik-E-Mart,
Goodbye to Kwik-E-Mart,
Who needs the Kwik-E-mart?
Apu: Not me.
Who controls the British crown?
Who keeps the metric system down?
We do, we do
Who keeps Atlantis off the maps?
Who keeps the Martians under wraps?
We do, we do
Who holds back the elctric car?
Who makes Steve Gutenberg a star?
We do, we do
Who robs gamefish of their site?
Who rigs every Oscar night?
We do, we do
Burns: Some men hunt for sport,
Others hunt for food,
The only thing I'm hunting for,
Is an outfit that looks good...
See my vest, see my vest,
Made from real gorilla chest,
Feel this sweater, there's no better,
Than authentic Irish setter.
See this hat, 'twas my cat,
My evening wear - vampire bat,
These white slippers are albino
African endangered rhino.
Grizzly bear underwear,
Turtles' necks, I've got my share,
Beret of poodle, on my noodle
It shall rest,
Try my red robin suit,
It comes one breast or two,
See my vest, see my vest,
See my vest.
Like my loafers? Former gophers -
It was that or skin my chauffeurs,
But a greyhound fur tuxedo
Would be best,
So let's prepare these dogs,
Mrs. Potts: Kill two for matching clogs,
Burns: See my vest, see my vest,
Oh please, won't you see my vest.
Springfield, Springfield!
It's a hell of a town!
The schoolyard's up and the shopping mall's down!
The stray dogs go to the animal pound!
Springfield, Springfield!
Springfield, Springfield!
New York, New York!
New York is that-a-way man.
Thanks, kid!
It's a hell-of-a-towwwnnn
When the weight of the world has got you down
And you want to end your life,
Bills to pay, a dead-end job,
And problems with the wife.
But don't throw in the tow'l,
'Cuz there's a place right down the block...
Where you can drink your misery away...
At Flaming Moe's.... (Let's all go to Flaming Moe's...)
When liquor in a mug (Let's all go to Flaming Moe's...)
Can warm you like a hug. (Flaming Moe's...)
And happiness is just a Flaming Moe away...
Happiness is just a Flaming Moe away...
The simpsons!
Doh!
Ah!!!!
(The couch gag noises or voices)
I heard those things are awfully loud
They ride as softly as a cloud
Is there a chance the track may bend??
Not on your life, my Hindu friend
What about us brain dead slobs?
You'll be given cushy jobs
Where you sent here by the devil?
No good man I'm on the level
The ring broke off my pudding can
Take my pen knife my good man
I say its Spiringfeild's only choice
Throw up your hands and raise your voice
MONORAIL!! MONORAIL!! MONORAIL!
But Mainstreet's still all cracked and broken!
Sorry, mom, the mob has spoken!
MONORAIL! MONORAIL! MONORAIL!
Mono- DOH
Well Mr. Burns had done it,
The power plant had won it,
With Roger Clemens clucking all the while,
Mike Scioscia's tragic illness made us smile,
While Wade Boggs lay unconscious on the barroom tile...
We're talkin' softball...
From Maine to San Diego.
Talkin' softball...
Mattingly and Canseco.
Ken Griffey's grotesquely swollen jaw.
Steve Sax and his run-in with the law.
We're talkin' Homer... Ozzie and the Straw.
We're talkin' softball...
From Maine to San Diego.
Talkin' softball...
Mattingly and Canseco.
Ken Griffey's grotesquely swollen jaw.
Steve Sax and his run-in with the law.
We're talkin' Homer... Ozzie and the Straw.
Who controls the British Crown?
Who keeps the metric system down?
We do, we do.
Who keeps Atlantis off the maps?
Who keeps the Martians under wraps?
We do, we do.
Who holds back the electric car?
Who makes Steve Guttenberg a star?
We do, we do.
Who robs cave fish of their sight?
Who rigs every Oscar night?
We do, we do!
Bart: OK, we're young, rich, and full of sugar.
What do we do?
Milhouse: [yelling] Let's go crazy, Broadway style!
Both: [singing]
Springfield, Springfield, it's a hell of a town:
The schoolyard's up and the shopping mall's down.
The stray dogs go to the animal pound,
Bart: Springfield, Springfield!
Milhouse: Springfield, Springfield!
Sailor: New York, New York!
Bart: New York is that-a-way, man!
Sailor: Thanks, kid!
Both: [singing] It's a hell of a...toooown!
Marge: A-hmm. Today's special is Springfield Soul Stew.
We sell so much of this, people wonder what we put in it.
Well, we're gonna tell ya right now.
Hmm-hmm. Gimme about a half a teacup of bass.
Now, I need a pound of fatback drums.
Now, gimme four tablespoons of boilin' Springfield guitar;
This is gonna taste alright.
Hmm. Delicious.
Mmm. Now just a little pinch of organ.
Now, gimme half a pint of horn.
Place on the burner, and bring to a boil.
Yep. That's it, that's it, that's it, right there.
Now beat. Well, take it Lisa.
Ooh. Thank you.
Mmm. Now, let's take it on home,
'Cause we gotta go home.
That's my girl.
Long before the Superdome
Where the Saints of football play...
Lived a city that the damned call home
Hear their hellish rondelet...
New Orleans!
Home of pirates, drunks and whores
New Orleans!
Tacky overpriced souvenir stores
If you want to go to hell, you should take a trip
To the Sodom and Gomorrah of the Mississip'
New Orleans!
Stinking, Rotten, vomiting, vile
New Orleans
Putrid, brackish, maggotty, foul
New Orleans!
Crummy, lousy, rancid, and rank
New Orleans
Lyle Lanley: Well, sir, there's nothing on earth
Like a genuine,
Bona fide,
Electrified,
Six-car
Monorail!
What'd I say?
Ned Flanders: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: What's it called?
Patty+Selma: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: That's right! Monorail!
[crowd chants `Monorail' softly and rhythmically]
Miss Hoover: I hear those things are awfully loud...
Lyle Lanley: It glides as softly as a cloud.
Apu: Is there a chance the track could bend?
Lyle Lanley: Not on your life, my Hindu friend.
Barney: What about us brain-dead slobs?
Lyle Lanley: You'll be given cushy jobs.
Abe: Were you sent here by the devil?
Lyle Lanley: No, good sir, I'm on the level.
Wiggum: The ring came off my pudding can.
Lyle Lanley: Take my pen knife, my good man.
I swear it's Springfield's only choice...
Throw up your hands and raise your voice!
All: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: What's it called?
All: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: Once again...
All: Monorail!
Marge: But Main Street's still all cracked and broken...
Bart: Sorry, Mom, the mob has spoken!
All: Monorail!
Monorail!
Monorail!
[big finish]
Monorail!
Homer: Mono... D'oh!
Burns: Smithers.
Smithers: Hm?
Burns: Turn on the surveillance monitors.
Smithers: Yes sir!
Burns: Hm. It's worse than I thought.
Burns: Each morning at nine,
They trickle through the gate;
They go home early;
They come in late.
Reeking of cheap liquor,
They stumble through the day;
Never give a thought
To honest work for honest pay.
I know it shouldn't vex me,
I shouldn't take it hard,
I should ignore their capering
With a kingly disregard.
Burns But, look at all those idiots,
& Ooh, look at all those boobs.
Back: An office full of morons,
A factory full of fools.
Is it any wonder, that I'm singing,
Singing the blu-u-ues.
Smithers: Yours is a heavy burden, sir.
Burns: I'm just getting started.
Burns: They make personal phone calls,
On company time.
They Xerox their buttocks,
And guess who pays the dime.
Their blatant thievery wounds me,
Their ingratitude astounds!
I long to lure them to my home,
And them release the hounds!
I shouldn't grow unsettled
When faced with such abuse.
I shouldn't let it plague me,
I shouldn't blow a fuse.
Burns But, look at all those idiots,
& Ooh, look at all those boobs.
Back: An office full of morons,
A factory full of fools.
Is it any wonder, that I'm singing,
Singing the blu-u-ues.
Burns: What happened? Where are the instruments?
Smithers: I believe they call this a breakdown, sir.
Burns: I can't have any breakdowns here!
What if there was an inspector around?
Play a guitar solo.
Smithers: Ho. I'm a little out of practice, sir.
Burns: I said do it! So, do it! do it! do it!!
Smithers: Yes, sir.
Ah-ha.
Hahahaha.
Burns: Yes, excellent.
Well done.
All right, it's beginning to grate.
That'll be sufficient, Smithers.
Smithers: Excuse me?
Burns: I said that's enough!
Smithers: Ooh! Sorry sir. Thought I had my mojo working.
Burns: Humph.
Burns: That man by the cooler,
Drinking water, as if it's free.
Smithers: Oh. That's Homer Simpson, sir.
A drone from sector 7-G.
Burns: Yes, well, call this Simpson to my office,
And then stay to watch the fun.
If he's six feet when he enters,
He'll be two feet when I'm done.
Smithers: Ha-ha-ha-ha.
Burns: It brings a ray of sunshine
To my unhappy life,
To make him kneel before me,
And slowly twist the knife.
Burns Look at all those idiots,
& D'oh, look at all those boobs.
Back: An office full of morons,
A factory full of fools.
Is it any wonder, that I'm singing,
Singing the blu-u-ues.
Smithers: Take me home, sir.
Burns: I'm trying.
Burns Surrounded by idiots,
& Outnumbered by boobs.
Back: An office full of morons,
A planet full of fools.
Is it any wonder, I'm singing,
Smithers: Maybe you should be singing, sir.
Burns: Oh. Singing the blu-u-ues.
(Back: Look at all those idiots.)
Smithers: Mr. Burns, you, you make Muddy Waters sound shallow and
(Back: Office full of morons.)
Smithers: cheerful, by comparison.
Burns: Thank you, Smithers. Meaningless but
(Back: Is it any wonder.)
Burns: heartfelt compliment.
I feel like I got a few things off my chest,
and onto the chests of my inferiors.
Smithers: You did.
(Back: Look at all those idiots.)
Burns: Why are they still playing?
Smithers: Um...
(Back: Office full of morons.)
Burns: They're not still on salary, are they?
Smithers: We're not validating their parking, sir.
(Back: Is it any wonder.)
Burns: They're paying for their own coffee, now.
Dashing through the snow
On a one-horse open sleigh,
Over the fields we go,
Laughing all the way;
Bells on bob tails ring,
making spirits bright,
What fun it is to ride and sing
A sleighing song tonight.
Jingle bells, jingle bells,
Jingle all the way!
O what fun it is to ride
One-horse open sleigh.
Jingle bells, jingle bells,
Jingle all the way!
O what fun it is to ride
One-horse open sleigh.
Jingle bells, jingle bells,
Jingle all the way!
O what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh.
Jingle bells, jingle bells,
Jingle all the way!
O what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh.
Dashing through the snow
On a one-horse open sleigh,
Over the fields we go,
Laughing all the way;
Bells on bob tails ring,
making spirits bright,
What fun it is to ride and sing
A sleighing song tonight.
Jingle bells, jingle bells,
Jingle all the way!
O what fun it is to ride
In a one horse open sleigh.
Jingle bells, jingle bells,
Jingle all the way!
O what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh.
Jingle bells, Batman smells,
Robin laid an egg
Batmobile lost its wheel
And Joker got away
A day or two ago,
I thought I'd take a ride,
And soon Miss Fanny Bright
Was seated by my side;
The horse was lean and lank;
Misfortune seemed his lot;
He got into a drifted bank,
And there we got upsot.
Chorus
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle all the way!
O what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh.
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle all the way!
O what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh.
Now the ground is white
Go it while you're young,
Take the girls tonight
And sing this sleighing song;
Just get a bob-tailed bay
Two-forty as his speed
Hitch him to an open sleigh
And crack! you'll take the lead.
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle all the way!
O what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh.
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle all the way!
O what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh.
What fun it is to love and sing
What fun it is to love and sing
What fun it is to love and sing
Ha ha ha
What fun it is to love and sing
A sleighing song tonight.
They fight,
They bite,
They bite and fight and bite,
bite, bite,bite,
fight, fight, fight,
The Itchy and Scratchy Show
Homer: Ah. Hm-hm. Marge?
I was born to make you happy.
I think you're just my style.
Everywhere I go,
Tellin' everyone I know,
Baby I love to see you smile.
Marge: Don't want to take a trip to China.
Don't want to sail up the Nile.
Wouldn't want to get too far,
From where you are,
'Cause I love to see you smile.
Homer: In the Summer, in the Springtime,
Winter or Fall.
The only place I want to be
Is where I can see you smile at me.
Homer: Like a sink without a faucet.
Marge: Like a watch without a dial.
Both: What would I do, if I didn't have you?
I love to see you smile.
(Piano solo)
Marge: In the Summer, in the Springtime,
Winter or the Fall.
The only place I want to be
Is where I can see you smile at me.
Homer: In a world that's full of trouble,
You make it all worthwhile.
Both: What would I do, if I didn't have you?
Oh, I love to see you smile.
Mmm, I love to see you smile.
Marge: I mean that sincerely, Homer.
Homer: I know.
Them thats got shall get
Them thats not shall lose
So the Bible said and it still is news
Mama may have, papa may have
But God bless the child thats got his own
Thats got his own
Yes, the strong gets more
While the weak ones fade
Empty pockets dont ever make the grade
Mama may have, papa may have
But God bless the child thats got his own
Thats got his own
When You've got Money,
you've got lots of friends
Crowding round the door
When youre gone, spending ends
They dont come no more
Rich relations give
Crust of bread and such
You can help yourself
But dont take too much
Mama may have, papa may have
But God bless the child thats got his own
Thats got his own
Mama may have, papa may have
But God bless the child thats got his own
Thats got his own
He just worry bout nothin
Cause hes got his own
Let me start at the start
then take it away
My name is Simpson, Bartholemew J.
That's Bart with an "Art"
And a captial B
Then "Simp" plus "Son"
That's me
Introductions aside lets move right along
You can all sing along at the sound of the gong
Once upon a time
about a week ago
all of a sudden trouble started to grow
alarm was buzzin'
I was snoozin'
'sposed to get up now but I was refusin'
to let reality become an intrusion
'cause in dreamy dream land I was cruisin'
but the buzz kept buzzin'
my head kept fuzzin'
gave the radio a throw and heard and explosion
opened up my eyes and to my surprise
there stood Homer and his temperature rised
I was chillin'
he was yellin'
face all distorted cause he was propellin'
It wasn't what he said but more of his tone
The usual jive put your nose to the grindstone I said "I'm real sorry" but that didn't cut it
I started to protest but dad said "Shut it!"
"Get up
mow the lawn,
move it on the double
cause if you don't you're in deep deep trouble! "
Chorus
Trouble
Deep Deep Trouble
So I'm in the front yard
mowin' like crazy
sweatin' like a pig and the sun is blazin'
Homer's in the driveway gettin' in the car
with Mom & Lisa
Hope their goin' real far
Then Dad yells "Bart!"
and I go "Yo!"
He goes "Ya done yet?"
and I say "No"
so he goes "Ohhh, you're too slow."
So I step on the gas to speed up the mow
didn't see that sprinkler
underneath that tree
Wham! Ker-pshhh!
Rainin' on me
I go "Woah!"
Homer goes "Doh! Now you can't go
to the boat show."
This is my thanks after workin' my butt off?
Homer revs the motor and they all start to putt off
Soaked to the bone
Standin' in a puddle
No one needs to tell me I'm in deep deep trouble
Chorus
Trouble
Deep Deep Trouble
As soon as their gone
I'm stretched on a lawn
Lookin' at the sky with my sun shades on
Now I've never ever claimed that I was smartie
But inspriation hits me "Let's have a party!"
Called up my posse they were here in a flash
they brought all their pals we started to thrash
there was rompin' & stompin'
an occasional crash
a fist fight or two
and Nintendo for cash
we raided the fridge
dogs raided the trash
I got a little worried when the windows got smashed
the next thing you know Mom & Dad are home
the kids disappear and I'm all alone
everythings silent except for my moan
and the low bluesy tone of a Saxophone
They look at me then they go into a huddle
get the sinkin' sensation I'm in deep deep trouble
Chorus
Trouble
Deep Deep Trouble
There's a little epilogue to my tail of saddness
I was dragged down the street by his royal dadness
we rounded the corner and came to stop
threw me inside Jakes the barber shop
I said "Please sir, just a little of the top."
Dude shaved me bare gave me a lollipop
so on my head there's nothing but stubble
man I hate being in deep deep trouble
Chorus
Trouble
Deep Deep Trouble
Fade to end
Shary: If there's a task that must be done,
Don't turn your tail and run,
Don't pout, don't sob,
Just do a half-assed job!
If... you... cut every corner
It is really not so bad,
Everybody does it,
Even mom and dad.
If nobody sees it,
Then nobody gets mad,
Bart: It's the American way!
Shary: The policeman on the beat
Needs some time to rest his feet.
Chief Wiggum: Fighting crime is not my cup of tea!
Shary: And the clerk who runs the store
Can charge a little more
For meat!
Apu: For meat!
Shary: And milk!
Apu: And milk!
Both: From 1984!
Shary: If... you... cut every corner,
You'll have more time for play,
Shary & OFF: It's the American waaaaay!
Can you name the truck with four wheel drive,
smells like a steak and seats thirty-five..
Canyonero! Canyonero!
Well, it goes real slow with the hammer down,
It's the country-fried truck endorsed by a clown!
Canyonero! (Yah!) Canyonero!
[Krusty:] Hey Hey
The Federal Highway comission has ruled the
Canyonero unsafe for highway or city driving.
Canyonero!
12 yards long, 2 lanes wide,
65 tons of American Pride!
Canyonero! Canyonero!
Top of the line in utility sports,
Unexplained fires are a matter for the courts!
Canyonero! Canyonero! (Yah!)
She blinds everybody with her super high beams,
She's a squirrel crushing, deer smacking, driving machine!
Canyonero!-oh woah, Canyonero! (Yah!)
Drive Canyonero!
Woah Canyonero!
Woah!
Murphy: Oh, I'm so lonely,
Since my baby left me.
I got no money,
And nothing is free.
Oh, I've been so alone
Since the day I was born.
All I got is this rusty,
This rusty old horn.
Lisa: I got a bratty brother.
He bugs me everyday.
And this morning my own mother,
Gave my last cupcake away.
My Dad acts like he belongs,
He belongs in the zoo.
I'm the sa-a-a-addest kid,
In gra-a-a-de number two.
Homer: You could close down Moe's,
Or the Kwik-E-Mart,
And nobody would care,
But the heart and soul
Of Springfield's in
Our Maison Derriere!
(music starts)
Belle: We're the sauce on your steak,
We're the cheese in your cake,
We put the spring in Springfield.
Dancing Girl 1: We're the lace on the nightgown,
Dancing Girl 2: The point after touchdown,
Belle and Dancing Girls: Yes we put the spring in Springfield.
Belle: We're that little extra spice
That makes existence extra-nice,
A giddy little thrill
At a reasonable price.
Lovejoy: Our only major quarrel's
With your total lack of morals.
Dancing Girl 3: Our skimpy costumes ain't so bad,
Dancing Girl 4: They seem to entertain your dad!
Belle and Dancing Girls: The gin in your martini,
The clams on your linguine,
Yes we keep the
(Belle flicks Bumblebee Man's antenna)
In Springfield!
Wiggum, Krusty, and Skinner: We remember our first visit,
Mayor Quimby: The service was exquisite!
Mrs Quimby: Why Joseph, I had no idea!
Mayor Quimby: Come on now, you were working here!
Grampa and Jasper: Without it we'd have had no fun
Since March of 1961!
Bart: To shut it down now would be twisted,
Jimbo, Dolph, and Kearney: We just heard this place existed!
Dancing Girls: We're the highlights in your hairdo,
Apu: The extra arms on Vishnu,
Dancing Girls: So don't take the
(Barney opens a Krusty-in-the-box)
Mob: We won't take the
(Sideshow Mel blows on his slide-whistle)
Everyone: Yes let's keep the
(Moe crashes two garbage can lids together)
In Springfield!
A)Not Jazz Chor, But Sad Chor
Krusty the Clown: Well, Itchy and Scratchy are gone,
but here's a cartoon that tries to make learning fun!
Heh, heh, heh, huh, oohhh...
Sorry about this kids... But stay tuned,
We've got some real good toy commercials comming up,
I swear!
(B) The Amendment Song
Kid: Hey, who left all this garbage on the steps of congress!
Amendment: I'm not Garbage!!
(Starts Singing)
I'm an amendment to be,
Yes an amendment to be,
And I'm hoping that they,ll ratify me!
There's a lot of flag burners who have got too much freedom,
I want to make it legal for policemen to beat 'em,
'Cause there's limits to our liberties
'Least I hope and pray that there are,
'Cause those liberal freaks go to far.
(stop's singing)
kid: But why can't we just make a law against flag-burning
Amendment: Because that would be unconstitutional.
Bt if we change the constitution...
Kid:...We could make all sorts of crazy laws!!
Amendment: Now your catching on!
(song fades away)
Bart: What the hell is this?
Lisa: It's one of those crappy 70's throwbacks
that appeals to generation Xer's
Bart: We need another Vietnam,
thin out their ranks a little.
(song returns But still talking)
Kid: But what if they say
your not good enough to be in the constitution?
(sing again)
Amendment: Then I'll crush all opposition to me,
And I'll make Ted Kennedy pay,
If he fights back,
I'll say that he's gay!!
Congressman: Good News,amendment! They ratified ya!
You're in the constitution!!
Oh Yeah! Doors open, boys!
(wild, hollering bills storm the capitol)
Lisa: So, it's true some crtoons do encourage violence!
(she punches Bart)
Bart: OW
Lisa & Our life is so confusing,
Bart: No reason and no rhyme.
We've got this funny feeling,
Getting old before our time.
Gimme what ya got,
Gimme what ya got,
I know what ya got,
Gimme what ya got.
Lisa: What kind of love brings such confusion?
Bart: Shuts out the sun and kills all glee.
Lisa & What are these blues we're here to tell you?
Bart: It's sibling rivalry.
I don't wanna share,
Wanna make you nuts,
Gimme what ya got,
Gotta have it all.
Bart: Sometimes I see her doing homework,
Lisa: I'm working hard all by myself.
Bart: And who can stand a happy sister.
Lisa: He hates I don't require help.
Back: Ooh. Ooh. Ooh.
Bart: I put a spider on her shoulder.
(Back: Oh, ya, wooh.)
Lisa: I'm not aware that it is fake.
(Back: Ooh, ooh, ooh.)
Bart: I ask her what the heck that thing is.
(Back: Eeww!)
Lisa: I turn and start; I scream and shake.
(Back: Scream and shake!)
Bart: Whhhhhhhy does it feel so good?
My dear old fun?
I know it's wrong to feel so mean,
But, you shoulda heard her scream.
(Back: Ooh ooh, ooh)
Bart: Ha ha ha haa. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
(Back: Ooh ooh, ooh)
Bart: Aah, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
(Back: Ooh ooh, ooh)
Bart: Ha, hahahaha. Ha haa.
(Back: Ooh ooh, ooh)
Bart: Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha hahahaha.
Lisa: I am not blameless in this equation.
Bart: She likes to talk over my head.
Lisa: Poor Bart, his trials and tribulations.
Back: Poor Bart.
Bart: Before a test she makes me dread.
Back: Ooh, ooh, ooh.
Lisa: 'Cause I predict that he will fail.
Back: Gonna flunk, woo-ooh.
Bart: I chase her down when she is right.
Back: Ooh, ooh, ooh.
Lisa: When I refuse to just turn tail,
Back: Hold your ground Lisa.
L & B: We have our most outstanding fights!
Back: Outstanding fights!
Lisa: What kind of love brings such contusions?
Bart: All these band-aids the world can see.
Lisa & What is this shame we're here to tell you?
Bart: It's sibling rivalry.
Lisa & A brother and a sister,
Bart: We're trying not to boast.
But we can't help believing,
That we'll always be this close.
Back: Siblings find it oh so hard,
When it comes to giving,
Let them once try singing
Background for a living.
Lisa & A brother and a sister,
Bart: We will always be this close.
Bart: Let go my hand, Lisa.
Wounds won't last long, but an insulting song
Burns will always carry with him.
So I'll settle my score, on the salsa floor
with this vengeful Latin rhythm!
Burns! Con el corazon de perro!
Señor Burns! El diablo con dinero!
It may not surprise you, but all of us despise you.
Please die and fry in hell, you rotten;
rich old wretch!
Adios vienjo!
KRUSTY:
Send in the clowns
Send in the clowns
Send in the soulful, doleful, SCHMOLTZ by the bowlful clowns
Send in the clowns
MEL:
They're already here
Back Hail, hail, Rock and Roll.
& Long live Rock and Roll.
Bart: Rock, Rock, Rock and Roll.
Hail, hail, Rock and Roll.
Buster: Up in the morning and out to school,
The teacher is teaching the Golden Rule.
American history, practical math,
You're studying hard, you're hoping to pass.
Working your fingers right down to the bone,
The guy behind you won't leave you alone.
Bart: Ring, ring goes the bell,
The truck in the lunchroom is ready to sell.
You're lucky if you can find a seat;
You're fortunate if you have time to eat.
Back in the classroom, open your books, (man),
The teacher don't know how mean she looks.
Buster: Soon as three o'clock rolls around,
Bart: I'm outta here, man, I'm going to town.
Buster: You finally lay your burden down.
Bart: I'm nobody's fool, I'm nobody's clown.
Buster: Close up your books, get out of your seat,
Bart: This is a plan that can't be beat.
Buster: Down the hall and into the street.
Bart: My dancing shoes are on my feet.
Buster: Up to the corner, round the bend,
Bart: If you can't handle this, just tell me when!
Buster: Right to the juke joint, you go in.
Bart: I'm here! I said, "It's me, Bartman."
Bart Drop the coin right into the slot,
& You've gotta hear something that's really hot.
Buster: Don't want your love, your makin' romance,
All day long you've been wanting to dance. (Whoa yeah.)
I'm feeling the music from head to toe,
Round and round and round you go.
(Sax solo)
(Guitar solo)
Bart Hail, hail, Rock and Roll,
& Deliver me from the days of old.
Buster: Long live Rock and Roll,
The beat of the drum's loud and bold.
Rock, Rock, Rock and Roll,
The feeling is there, body and soul.
Hail, hail, Rock and Roll.
(Hail, hail, Rock and Roll.)
Hail, hail, Rock and Roll.
(Hail, hail, Rock and Roll.)
Long live Rock and Roll,
(Long live Rock and Roll.)
Rock, Rock, Rock and Roll.
(Rock, Rock, Rock and Roll.)
Rock, Rock, Rock and Roll.
(Rock, Rock, Rock and Roll.)
Hail, hail, Rock and Roll.
(Hail, hail, Rock and Roll.)
(Whoa, mama!)
(Guitar solo fadeout)
Lisa: I've got a bratty brother,
Who bugs me every day.
This morning my old mother,
Gave my last cupcake away.
My dad he acts like,
Like he belongs in the zoo.
I'm the saddest kid,
The saddest kid in Grade number two.
I wish I had a pony,
I wish I were eighteen,
I wish I had a dime
For every kid who treats me mean.
They tease me 'cause I'm diff'rent,
Little diff'rent from the rest, oh yes.
Well, I'm down so low,
If I cheered up, I'd still be depressed.
The saxophone's my best friend,
I play all over town.
But when I practice in my room, I hear
Homer: Lisa! Keep it down!
Lisa: Although I'm only eight years old,
I've really paid my dues, it's true.
That's why I've got a case of,
A case of the Moanin' Lisa Blues.
(Guitar solo)
I wonder how I got here,
I wonder what I'll be.
The saddest little twig
On this crazy family tree.
I feel like I'm a loser,
With nothing left to lose.
That's why I've got a case of,
A case of the Moanin' Lisa Blues.
Oh there's just no postponing,
A case of the Moanin' Lisa Blues.
(Saxophone solo)
(Harmonica solo)
(Saxophone solo fadeout)
When I was 17
I drank some very good beer
I drank some very good beer
I purchased with a fake I.D.
My name was Brian Mcgee.
I stayed up listening to Queen.
When I was 17
Kid: Hey, who left all this garbage on the steps of Congress?
Amendment: I'm not garbage.
(starts singing)
I'm an amendment-to-be, yes an amendment-to-be,
And I'm hoping that they'll ratify me.
There's a lot of flag-burners,
Who have got too much freedom,
I want to make it legal
For policemen to beat'em.
'Cause there's limits to our liberties,
At least I hope and pray that there are,
'Cause those liberal freaks go too far.
(spoken)
Kid: But why can't we just make a law against flag-burning?
Amendment: Because that law would be unconstitutional.
But if we changed the Constitution...
Kid: Then we could make all sorts of crazy laws!
Amendment: Now you're catching on!
Kid: What if people say you're not good enough to be in the
Constitution?
(sings)
Amendment: Then I'll crush all opposition to me,
And I'll make Ted Kennedy pay.
If he fights back, I'll say that he's gay.
(spoken)
Congressman: Good news, Amendment! They ratified ya!
You're in the US Constitution!
Amendment: Oh yeah!
Bart:
Yo! Hey what's happening dude?
I'm a guy with a rep for bein' rude.
Terrorizin' people wherever I go,
It's not intentional, just keepin' the flow.
Fixin' test scores to get the best scores,
Droppin' banana peels all over the floor,
I'm the kid that made delinquency an art,
Last name, Simpson; first name, Bart.
I'm here today to introduce the next phase,
The next step in the big Bart craze.
I got a dance, real easy to do,
I learned it with no rhythm and so can you!
So move your body, if you got the notion,
Front to back in a rock-like motion.
Now that you got it, if you think you can,
Do it to the music, that's the Bartman
Back-up Singers:
Everybody if you can, do the Bartman!
Shake you body, turn it out, if you can, man!
Move you butt to the side, yes you can, can!
Everybody in the house, do the Bartman
(x2)
Bart:
It wasn't long ago, just a couple of weeks,
I got in trouble, yeah, pretty deep.
Homer was yellin', mom was, too,
Because I put mothballs in the beef stew.
Punishment time, in the air lurks gloom,
Sittin' by myself, confined to my room.
When all else fails, nothin' else left to do,
I turn on the music, so I can feel the groove!
Back-up Singers:
Move your body, if you got the notion,
Front to back in a rock-like motion.
Move your hips from side to side now,
Don't ya slip, let your feet glide now.
If you've got the groove, you gotta use it.
Rock rhythm in time with the music.
You just might start a chain reaction...
Bart: If you can do the Bart, you're bad like Michael Jackson.
Back-up Singers:
Everybody if you can, do the Bartman!
Shake you body, turn it out..If you can, man!
Move your butt to the side as you can, can!
Everybody in the house do the Bartman...Do the Bartman!
Bart: Do the Bartman!
Everybody back and forth, from side to side.
Back-up Singers: Do the Bartman!
Bart: Do the Bartman!
Now here's a dance beat that you can't deny!
Homer: Turn it down! Will you stop that infernal racket?
Back-up Singers: Do the Bartman!
Bart:
Oh my ears! Lisa! Put that saxophone away!
You can't touch this!
I didn't do it. Nobody saw me do it. You can't prove anything.
Now, I'm in the house feelin' good to be home,
'Til Lisa starts blowin' her damn saxophone.
And if it was mine, you know they'd take it away,
But still I'm feelin' good, so that's okay.
I'm up in my room, just a-singin' a song,
Listenin' to the kicks while I'm kickin' along.
Yeah, Lisa likes jazz, she's her number one fan,
But I know I'm bad, 'cause I do the Bartman!
Back-up Singers:
Everybody, if you can do the Bartman!
Shake your body, turn it out if you can, man!
Move your butt to the side, as you can, can!
Everybody in the house, do the Bartman! Do the Bartman!
Bart: Do the Bartman!
Everybody back and forth from side to side.
Back-up Singers: Do the Bartman!
Bart: Do the Bartman!
She can do it, he can do it, so can I!
Back-up Singers:
If you've got the groove, you gotta use it.
Rock rhythm in time with the music.
You just might start a chain reaction...
Bart: I'm a Bartman.
Back-up Singers:
Everybody, if you can, do the Bartman!
Shake your body, turn it out, if you can, man!
Move your butt to the side, as you can, can!
Everybody in the house do the Bartman!
Move you body, if you got the notion,
Skake your body to the rock-like motion!
Move your hips from side to side now,
Don't ya slip, let your feet glide now!
If you've got your groove, you gotta use it!
Rock rhythm in time with the music!
Bart: Eat your heart out, Michael!
Back-up Singers: You just might start a chain reaction...
Bart: Oh wow, man.
(version sung as OFF enters Capital City:)
(lines by members of OFF are spoken, not sung; Tony's line "Hey,
good to see you" is also spoken.)
Homer: Well, kids, there it is! Capital City!
Marge: Look, the Cross-Town Bridge!
(begin vamp)
Bart: Wow!
Homer: Wow.
Tony Bennett: There's a swingin' town I know called... Capital
City.
Lisa: The Penny Loafer!
Tony: People stop and scream hello in... Capital City.
Homer: Kids, look! Street crime!
Tony: It's the kind of place that makes a bum feel like
a king.
Homer: Wow, that's service!
Tony: And it makes a king feel like some nutty, cuckoo,
super-king.
Marge: Look, it's Tony Bennett!
Tony: Hey, good to see you.
It's against the law to frown in... Capital City.
You'll caper like a stupid clown when you chance
to see...
Marge: Fourth Street and 'D'!
Tony: Fourth Street and 'D'! Yeah!
Once you get a whiff of it, you'll never want to
roam.
Homer: The Duff brewery!
Tony: Capital City, my home sweet, yeah!
Capital City, that happy-tal city,
It's Capital City,
my home sweet swingin' home!
All: Capital City! Yeah!
Closing credits version:
Tony Bennett: There's a swingin' town I know called... Capital City.
People stop and scream hello in... Capital City.
It's the kind of place that makes a bum feel like a king.
And it makes a king feel like some nutty, cuckoo,
super-king.
It's against the law to frown in... Capital City.
You'll caper like a stupid clown when you chance to see...
Fourth Street and 'D'! Yeah!
Once you get a whiff of it, you'll never want to roam,
From Capital City, my home sweet, swingin' home!
Homer: Born under a bad sign,
Been down since I began to crawl.
If it wasn't for bad luck,
You know, I wouldn't have no luck at all.
Hard luck and trouble,
Been my only friend.
I been on my own,
Ever since I was ten.
Born under a bad sign,
I been down since I began to crawl.
If it wasn't for bad luck,
You know, I wouldn't have no luck at all.
I don't like to read,
I can hardly write,
My whole life has been
One big fight.
Born under a bad sign,
I been down since I began to crawl.
If it wasn't for bad luck,
I said I wouldn't have no luck at all.
And that ain't no lie.
(Guitar solo)
You know, if it wasn't for bad luck,
I wouldn't have no kind of luck.
If it wasn't for real bad luck,
I wouldn't have no luck at all.
You know fear of falling
Is all I crave.
A big bag of pork rinds
Gonna carry me to my grave.
Born under a bad sign,
I been down since I began to crawl.
If it wasn't for bad luck,
I tell ya I wouldn't have no luck at all.
Good take boys, yeah.
I think now that I'm a blues singer, I should have some kind of name.
How 'bout Muddy Simpson. No. Big Homer. T-Bone Homer.
Blind Lemon Simpson. Blind Lemon-lime Homer. Blind Grapefruit Homer.
Blind Strawberry Alarm Clock Homer. No that's... they used that.
Bart: I got a B in arithmetic.
Army: I got a B in arithmetic.
Bart: Would have got an A but I was sick.
Army: Would have got an A but I was sick.
Bart: We are rubber, you are glue.
Army: We are rubber, you are glue.
Bart: It bounces off of us and sticks to you.
Army: It bounces off of us and sticks to you.
Bart: Sound off.
Army: One! Two!
Bart: Sound off!
Army: Three!! Four!!
Bart: In English class I did the best.
Army: In English class I did the best.
Bart: Because I cheated on the test.
Army: Because I cheated on the test.
Bart: Sound off.
Army: One! Two!
Bart: I can't hear you!
Army: Three!! Four!!
Bart: We are happy, we are merry.
Army: We are happy, we are merry.
Bart: We got a rhyming dictionary.
Army: We got a rhyming dictionary.
Bart: Sound off.
Army: One! Two!
Bart: One more time!
Army: Three! Four!
Bart: Bring it on home now!
Army: One! Two! Three! Four!
One! Two! ... Three-Four!
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