Ain't the snow fallin' just a bit deeper these days
Aren't they building the stairs a bit steeper these days
And the town's really changin' in so many ways time time time
The young folks they're growin' exceptionally tall
And the newspaper print it's becomin' quite small
And folks speak so softly you can hardly hear at all time time time
The jokes don't seem as witty as the old jokes once were
And the girls are half as pretty as I remember her
And today you know in the park a young man called me sir time time time
Yeah I'm not quite as anxious for fame or success
And my eye finds the girl in the plain quiet dress
And I cling a bit longer to each warm caress time time time
So I breathe a bit heavy when I climb a hill
What of it my life now is really much more fulfilled
But they're tearin' down the building that I watched them build
Time time time time time time
Well I've told you someday I'd have a lotta money
And you would see me grinnin' from ear to ear
Look in my pocket this ain't gabbage that I'm foldin' baby
Oh oh someday's here
And I told you someday I'll come driving up your driveway
In a Cadillac that stretched across from here to here
Look out your window this ain't no Mack truck I'm drivin' oh someday's here
Yeah you should have stucked with me just a little bit longer baby
When I was ragged and thin
You should have stuck with me till I got a little bit stronger baby
But you wanted the battle now you're up the creek without a paddle
Say I told you someday I'd have so many women
That if I try to count 'em it would take a year
Look in the back seat this ain't no football team I'm drivin' with
Aw someday's here
[ harmonica ]
You should have stuck with me...
Say I told you someday you come crawlin' to me
Beggin' pleadin' scratchin' cryin' crocodile tears
Look at my feet is that my dog Rover no it's you
Aw someday's here hmm someday's here
In the laid back California town of sunny San Raphael
Lived a girl named Pearly Sweetcake you probly knew her well
Shed been stoned fifteen of her eighteen years and the story was widely told
That she could smoke 'em faster than anyone could roll
Her legend finally reached New York that Grove Street walk-up flat
Where dwelt The Calistoga Kid a beatnik from the past
With long browned lightnin fingers he takes a cultured toke
And says Hell I can roll €˜em faster Jim than any chick can smoke
So a note gets sent to San Raphael For the Championship of the World
The Kid demands a smoke off well bring him on says Pearl
I'll grind his fingers off his hands he'll roll until he drops
Says Calistog I'll smoke that chick till she blows up and pops
So they rent out Yankee Stadium and the word is quickly spread
Come one come all who walk or crawl price just two lids a head
And from every town and hamlet over land and sea they speed
The world's greatest dopers with the Worlds greatest weed
Hashishers from Morocco hemp smokers from Peru
And the Shamnicks from Bagun who puff the deadly Pugaroo
And those who call it Light of Life and those that call it boo
See the dealers and their ladies wearing turquoise lace and leather
See the narcos and the closet smokers puffin all together
From the teenies who smoke legal to the ones who've done some time
To the old man who smoked reefer back before it was a crime
And the grand old house that Ruth built is filled with the smoke and cries
Of fifty thousand screaming heads all stoned out of their minds
And they play the national anthem and the crowd lets out a roar
As the spotlight hits The Kid and Pearl ready for their smokin' war
At a table piled up high with grass as high as a mountain peak
Just tops and buds of the rarest flowers not one stem branch or seed
Maui Wowie Panama Red and Acapulco Gold
Kif from East Afghanistan and rare Alaskan Cold
Sticks from Thailand Ganja from the Islands and Bangkok's Bloomin' Best
And some of that wet imported shit that capsized off Key West
Oaxacan tops and Kenya Bhang and Riviera Fleurs
And that rare Manhatten Silver that grows down in the New York sewers
And there's bubblin' ice cold lemonade and sweet grapes by the bunches
And there's Hersheys bars and Oreos €˜case anybody gets the munchies
And the Calistoga Kid he sneers and Pearley she just grins
And the drums roll low and the crowd yells go and the worlds first Smoke Off begins
Kid flicks his magic fingers once and zap that first joints rolled
Pearl takes one drag with her mighty lungs and woosh that roach is cold
Then The Kid he rolls his Super Bomb thatd paralyze a moose
And Pearley takes one super hit and slurp that bomb defused
Then he rolls three in just ten seconds and she smokes 'em up in nine
And everybody sits back and says this just might take some time
See the blur of flyin fingers see the red coal burnin bright
As the night turns into mornin and the mornin fades to night
And the autumn turns to summer and a whole damn year is gone
But the two still sit on that roach-filled stage smokin' and rollin' on
With tremblin hands he rolls his jays with fingers blue and stiff
She coughs and stares with bloodshot gaze and puffs through blistered lips
And as she reaches out her hand for another stick of gold
The Kid he gasps Goddamn it bitch there's nothin' left to roll
Nothin left to roll screams Pearl Is this some twisted joke
I didn't come here to fuck around man I come here to smoke
And she reaches cross the table and grabs his bony sleeves
And she crumbles his body between her hands like dried and brittle leaves
Flickin' out his teeth and bones like useless stems and seeds
And then she rolls him in a Zig Zag and lights him like a roach
And the fastest man with the fastest hands goes up in a puff of smoke
In the laid-back California town of sunny San Raphael
Lives a girl named Pearly Sweetcake you probly know her well
She's been stoned twenty-one of her twenty-four years and the storys widely told
How she still can smoke 'em faster than anyone can roll
While off in New York City on a street that has no name
There's the hands of the Calistoga Kid in the Viper Hall of Fame
And underneath his fingers there's a little golden scroll
That says Beware of Bein' the Roller When There's Nothin' Left to Roll
Now I'm warnin' all you women don't stand too close to me cause you might catch fire
Now you're talkin' to a man in a whole other kind of bag
Well I'm three parts tiger and one part snake
I'll ball you to sleep and I'll bite you awake
And I'm so good that I don't have to brag
I need an adding machine to count up all the women I've ruined for other men
Now compared to me Paul Bunyan is a screamin' fag
I can shift more gears and pump more juice I'll turn you every which way but loose
And I'm so damn good that I don't have to brag
Now there's twenty thirty beautiful women a sleepin' at the foot of my bed
And every night every night I hear 'em sighin'
They say that I don't miss a thing they say that I'm the lovin' king
And I'm too nice a guy to say they're lyin'
Now I've been makin' love professionally since I was only six years old
And I really learned the way to wiggly wag
And still I'm such a modest man you know I'm twice as great as I think I am
I'm so good that I don't have to brag
There's a line of chicks startin' at my window and reachin' across the street
And it stretches 'way to the other side of town
They come to me from across the seas on their knees just sayin' Please
And I'm too nice a guy to turn 'em down
Now I once got captured by some Amazon women down in the Fiji Isles
They were fightin' over me to see who'd be my bride
I had to kill them all and I will admit it and I won't tell you how I did it
But I'll tell you each one was smilin' when she died
Now the day I die every woman in the country's gonna go around dressed in black
And they'll probably add another star to the American flag
And they'll build me a monument forty feet high sayin' it's a shame he had to die
He was so damn good he never had to brag
And I'm tellin' you men keep your eighteen year old daughters off of my back
And your wives they like the way I carry on
And why don't you go look at your mother for a while
You notice she's wearin' a funny sorta smile
Well that just means I've been there and I've gone
Now if you got a frigid woman I'm gonna cure her for a hundred dollars
You can bring her around my house at four o'clock
And you can come and pick her up at 4:03 if you can pry her off of me
I got a whole lot of others just waitin' 'round the block
Now if you're wonderin' how you're gonna get to me
Better bring a Cadillac full of money
Cause I sure as hell ain't gonna swing without no swag
I can make you creep I can make you crawl make you scream and climb the wall
And I'm so good that I don't have to brag
So Baby don't call me up at three o'clock in the mornin' no more threatenin' suicide
I mean go ahead and do it honey cause wakin' me up is a drag
And you can leave a note for all the rest sayin' at least you had the very best
And he's so damn good that he don't have to brag
Now I'm warnin' all you women don't stand too close to me cause you might catch fire
Now you're talkin' to a man in a whole other kind of bag
I'm three parts tiger and one part snake I'll ball you to sleep and I'll bite you awake
And I'm so good that I don't have to brag
Well it wasn't too very long ago you know some folks walked with a hi-dee-ho
And other folks walked around kind of low
Sayin' Yowzah and Sho nuff and Yassuh boss
It was ashes to ashes and dust to dust and they didn't believe in makin' a fuss
So they quietly moved to the back of the bus
They just say Yowzah and Sho nuff and Yassuh boss
And when things got rough they did a little prayin'
Little arm wavin' and a little bit of swayin'
Didn't do no good they kept right on a sayin'
Sayin' Yowzah and Sho nuff and Yassuh boss
So they all went out and did a little standin' little less askin' and a lot more demandin'
Little less liftin' and a little less totin' a lot more thinkin' and a lot more votin'
A lot less hopin' a lot less waitin'
A whole lot more demonstratin'a lot less pearly gate'n'
A lot more fightin' and a lot more walkin' until finally no one at all was talkin'
Like Yowzah and Sho nuff and Yassuh boss
The end of this story is plain to see they finally achieved equality
And now like you and me they can stand up strong and free
And say Yes sir and Of course sir and Anything you say JB
Well I've been spendin' my life lookin' for a shoulder
To rest my head when the nights get colder
But the days are gettin' longer and I'm gettin' older
Been long time workin' it out
I been a long time workin' it out I been a long time workin' it out
I been a long time workin' it out I been a long time workin' it out
Now I got a little woman to scrub my floor
Right down the road I got me two or three more
And you know none of them knows about the one next door
I been a long time workin' it out
I been a long time workin' it out...
Well it was late one night when I stole a little money
I bought a couple of things and then gave them to my honey
And the judge said boy if you this that's funny
You got a long time workin' it out
I got a long time workin' it out...
[ guitar ]
Yeah well I look all around me and what do I see
The whole wide world got trouble like me
Between the taxes the missus and the deep blue sea
You'll be a long time workin' it out
We'll be a long time workin' it out...
Oh they're testing the bomb as I'm singing this song
They say not to worry cause nothing can go wrong
They're testing the bomb as I'm singing this song
They say not to worry cause nothing can
Everybody says I'm paranoid they all think I'm crazy
They all smile to my face but they'd like to see me die
They put poison in my coffee they put ground glass in my oatmeal
They put spiders in my tennis shoes and shit in my pecan pie
It's hard to stop and figure out where did it all begin
You see my father wanted a little girl and my mother wanted twins
And my grandpa admired Hitler so everything I did was wrong
And I'm gonna stop now cause even though you're smilin' I know you hate this song
Yeah and I know you're only listenin' cause you don't wanna hurt my feelin's
And you're just waitin' for me to leave so you can laugh about my open fly
You put the poison in my coffee you put the ground glass in my oatmeal
You put the spiders in my tennis shoes and you shit in my pecan pie
I know don't deny it I know I know I know
Did you hear bout Stacy brown (no we didn't but we'd like to)
He had every chick in town (no he didn't but he tried to)
He had looks he had class do anything to get a little lass
And everyone would shout at him when he walks his girlies past
They said everybody got one (everybody got one)
Everybody got one (everybody got one) Stacy brown got two (oooh)
Do you know the reason for his success (no we don't so tell us)
They say that he was double blessed (not like you fellas)
They say that Stacy Brown was born just a little bit deformed
Still his girl friends they all wake up smilin' every morn
Singin' everybody got one...
[ guitar ]
Why they're climbin' up the wall (just to get to Stacy)
Young ones run and old ones crawl (he drives us crazy)
He got two and that's a fact but no one knows where the other one's at
On his elbow on his knee or underneath his hat
Singin' everybody got one...
He got two I tell you truth it's a fact no I ain't seen her but no I mean it's a fact
Well that's what my old lady told me
No I don't I don't why she knows how did she know
Maybe somebody told her huh gossip maybe it's gossip how did she know
Maybe just seems like two I wanna talk to that woman
Someone ate the baby it's rather sad to say
Someone ate the baby so she won't be out to play
We'll never hear her whiney cry or have to feel if she is dry
We'll never hear her asking why why why someone ate the baby
Someone ate the baby it's absolutely clear
Someone ate the baby cause the baby isn't here
We'll give away her toys and clothes we'll never have to wipe her nose
Dad says that's the way it goes someone ate the baby
Someone ate the baby what a frightful thing to eat
Someone ate the baby though she wasn't very sweet
It was a heartless thing to do the policemen haven't got a clue
I simply can't imagine who would go and (burp) eat the baby
Hey boys you know once I was took in by a girl with a twinkly eye
And the first time that I wasn't lookin' she run off with a handsomer guy oh my
But I'm an ingenious feller yeah as soon as my brain got uncurled
I tiptoed right down to my cellar and I built a mechanical girl
Oh her arms are iron her legs are steel her hips are on wires attached to a wheel
And her spine is a coil that I now and then oil she's my ever-lovin' machine
She has no trouble making her mind up for I did not give her a mind
And her heart is a clock that I wind up so I know that she'll love me in time
Oh she never complains when I stay out all night she never complains I'm not rich
And each time I want her to cuddle me tight I simply turn on her switch
Oh her arms are iron...
My love is completely electric and she gives me a shock with each hug
And when the romance gets too hectic I simply pull out the plug
Oh she always did what she was supposed ter right up to this evening but then
She had an affair with the toaster and they ran off and left me again
Oh Sahra Cynthia Sylvia Stout would not take the garbage out
She'd wash the dishes and scrub the pans cook the yams and spice the hams
And though her parents would scream and shout
She simply would not take the garbage out
And so it piled up to the ceilings coffee grounds potato peelings
Brown bananas and rotten peas chunks of sour cottage cheese
It filled the can it covered the floor it cracked the windows and blocked the door
With bacon rinds and chicken bones drippy ends of icecream cones
Prone pits peach pits orange peel gloppy glumps of cold oat meal
Pizza crust and withered greens soggy beans and tangerines
Crust of black burned buttered toast gristly bits of beefy roast
The garbage rolled on down the hall it raised the roof it broke the walls
I mean greesy napkins cookie crumbs blobs of gooey bubble gum
Cellophane from old baloney rubber blubbry macaroni
Peanut butter caced and dry curdled off milk and crusts of pie
Ridy melons dried up mustard eggs shells mixed with lemon custard
Cold french fries and rancid meat yellow lumps of cream of wheat
Uuh at last the garbage reached so high that finally it touched the sky
And none of her friends would come to play and all the neighbors moved away
And finally Sahra Cynthia Sylvia Stout said okay I'll take the garbage out
But then of course it was too late the garbage reached across the state
From New York to the Golden Gate and there in the garbage she did hate
Poor Sahra met an awful fate then I cannot right now relate
Because the hour is much too late
But children remember Sylvia Stout and always take the garbage out
Rings of grass crowns of flowers they're gone gone gone gone
Furs that I woven of whispering hours gone gone gone gone
She's gone away where the rings are real
And the furs have warmth that a woman can feel
Round and round round goes the wheel
And she's gone gone gone gone gone
Rings of grass and crowns of flowers gone gone gone gone
Castles of sand with seashell towers gone gone gone gone
She's gone away where the dreams are small
But the castles are rock and they never fall
And left me here to live among all that is gone gone gone gone gone
Rings of grass oh why did they die away gone gone gone gone
Whispering hours where did they fly away gone gone gone gone
And where is the wisdom to understand
That years would crumble our castles of sand
And the flowers and grass turn brown in our hands
When it's gone gone gone gone gone gone gone gone
Oh if you read in the papers that she's been seen
A gettin' in an out of some millionare's long custom made limousine
She may fool you with her smile but I can see
That's just her poor hopeless heartless helpless pathetic way of gettin' over me
So you were down at Joe's on the night she broke her zipper
And some wane brain drunk champagne out of her slipper
And she danced on the piano and she screamed hurray I'm free
That's just her poor hopeless heartless helpless pathetic way of gettin' over me
Oh she'll do anything she can just to make me jealous
Of course forgettin' me is gonna take her lots of years
So I call her now and then just out of pitty when she laughs at me
That's just her way of bravely holding back her tears
What's that you say she got married oh the poor little fool
To some handsome movie star with the mansion and a swimming pool
And she's looking good and she's got a kid or two or three
That's just her poor hopeless heartless helpless pathetic way of gettin' over me
(Pathetic way of tryin' to get over me but she ain't never gonna make it honey
I mean those guys those guys you see her with now
They're they're the relatives maybe business assiciates
I mean I know this woman and she's sittin' home bitin' her fingernails
Let me tell you she's just readin' magazines
She she may look like she's enjouin' herself
That's the way she looks when she's really gettin' bad I know this woman)
Never bite a married woman on the thigh oh my
Cause she just can't rub it off no matter how she'll try
And when she gets home at night her man will ask her why
Then she'll say it's just a birthmark or some other silly lie
But he'll get suspicious and then he will start to pry
Then she'll get hysterical and she will start to cry
And he'll say I don't blame you but tell me who's the guy
So she'll admit to everything and he will say bye-bye
And he'll buy an airline ticket and he'll fly across the sky
And then he'll come and find you and he'll punch you in the eye
Then he'll rent a cheap hotel room and he'll hang himself with his tie
And when she gets the news she'll take an overdose of sleeping
Tablets and she's gonna lie on the couch and die
So never never never never never never never bite a married woman on the thigh
Yes my dear I must admit that one time I might did
(And if you grow wiser for me experience)
Yes my dear I grew wiser in many ways and the thing I learned most
Is don't give a dose to the one you love most
No don't give a dose to the one you love most
Give her some marmelade give her some toast
You can give her the willings or give her the blues
But the dose that you give her will get back to you
I once had a lady as sweet as a song she was my darlin' and she was my dear
But she had a dose and she passed it along
Now she's gone but the dose is still here
So don't give a dose to the one you love most
Giver her some marmelade give her some toast
You can give her a partridge up in a pear tree
But the dose that you give her might get back to me
If you've got an itchin' if you've got a drip don't sit there wishin' for it to go way
Cause it won't if there's a thing on the tip of your thing or your lip
Run down to the clinic today and say
I won't give a dose
(There was a time when people talked said with their mouth
How they talk and it doesn't mean a thing it's called the modern talk)
Now picture the scene the day is sunny
A man meets a friend and asks him for some money
He says I need five to keep me alive
And the friend gives him this kinda jive
He says zaa za voo za za voo I can't make it
Va za va za voo za va see ya later so long see you later
Vome zoo za vome a viddle o till then
And he's right back out on the street again
And then a girl gets on the phone and talks to her lover
She says we got troubles that we can't keep covered
I just got the news I'm knittin' baby shoes
Now call up the preacher and pay your dues
He says zaa za voo za za voo see you later so long huhuh
I can't stand baby vome zoo za vome till then
And she's right back out on the street again
And then a guy gets grabbed by an army recruiter
He says we're gonna put you in the khaki suiter
So do not cry and don't you lie but take this test to qualify
The guy says blblblblblbl huhuh till then
And he's right back out on the street again
And then a lady goes down to see her psychiatrist
And lies on a couch to give her little head a twist
Now is it a psychosis or is it a neurosis the doctor gives her this diagnosis
Sayin' huhuh listen huhuh twenty dollars
Huhh next Wednesday baby then we'll huhuh then
She's right back out on the street again
And then the preachers in the church they're blessin' and damnin'
Presidents standin' there just Vietnamin'
While the animals sing and politicians swing
And everybody's sayin' the same damned thing
They're sayin' zaa za voo za za voo you know that's modern talk
Hey when I was a lad in fishing town an old man said to me
You can spend your life your jolly life just sailing on the sea
Now you can search the world for pretty girls till your eyes are weak and dim
But don't go swimming with the mermaid son if you don't know how to swim
If you don't know how to swim
For her hair is green as seaweed and her skin is blue and pale
And I tell you now before you start you can love that girl with all your heart
But you're just gonna love the upper part you're not gonna like the tail
So I signed onto a whaling ship and my very first day at sea
I seen a mermaid in the waves reaching out to me
Come live with me in the sea said she and down on the ocean's floor
I'll show you a million wonderous things you never seen before
Oh you never seen before
So over I jumped and she pulled me down down to her seaweed bed
And the pillow made of tortoise shell she placed beneath my head
She fed me shrimps and caviar upon the silver dish
From her head to her waist she was my taste but the bottom part was a fish
Oh her bottom part was a fish
Oh her hair were green as seaweed her eyes were blue and pale
And I loved that girl with all my heart I vowed we'd never part
But I knew the back was not too smart cause I did not like the tail
And then one day when I looked up I saw a sailin' ship
And I met the stare of a millionaire out on a fishing trip
A diamond ring he tied to a string and lowered it down to the water
And my love divine she went for his line and that was the way he caught her
Yes that was the way he caught her
So I sat and cried to the tide same to the clams and whales
How I missed my love her seaweed hair and the silvery shine of her scales.
Just then her sister swam on by, and set my heart awhirl
For her upper part was an ugly old fish but the bottom part was girl
Yes the bottom part was girl
Yes her knees are pink and rosy and her toes are small and frail
Her body it's a work of art and I love that girl with all my heart
And I don't give a damn about the upper part and that's how I end my tale
Oh ever since my masocistic baby went and left me (she had left you a kiss)
I got nothin' nothin' to hit but the wall (poor wall)
She loved me when I beat her (oh they do love that)
But then I started actin' sweeter (oh mistake)
Oh and that ain't no way to treat her at all
She is the one that I'm dreaming of and you always hurt the one you love
And ever since my masochistic baby went and left me
Nothin' to hit but the wall what you know
Nothin' to belt but my pans yes I've suspendors
Nothin' to whip but the scream you get so nasty
Nothin' to beat but the eggs oh nothin' to punch but the clock
Oh nothin' to strike but the match light my fire
Oh nothin' nothin' to hit but the wall
You may be lookin' for me but I ain't lookin' for you
I'm still lookin' for myself and I ain't got time to look for nobody else
When I found who I am and where I am
And if you come round again maybe then baby maybe then
You wanna follow me but honey can't you see
I don't know where the hell I'm goin'
How can I know your mind when I don't even know my own
Now when the road gets tough or when I get enough
Or maybe when I reach the end maybe then baby maybe then
So stick around or go away whichever one you choose
You ain't got a single thing that I think I can use
And you and I ain't shared a thing that I'm afraid to lose
You say that you love me but I don't love you
I love someone I never seen as she lives in a place that I never been
When I realize it's all in my eyes
Just one great big patent maybe then maybe then
Maybe then maybe then maybe then but I won't say when
Maybe then baby maybe then
Now if I can't be your hotdog lemme be your little weiner
Baby if I can't be your regular man lemme be your in betweener
And if I can't be your human torch lemme be your submariner
Well hey baby don't you leave me this way lemme be somethin'
Yeah If I can't be your Abercrombie bitch lemme be your five and tener
If I can't be your all-the-time lemme be your now-and-thenner
And if I can't be your now-and-thenner lemme be your you-tell-me-whenner
Mmm hey baby don't you leave me this way lemme be somethin'
And if I can't be your datenut bread lemme be your soda cracker
And if I can't be your boom-a-dee boom lemme be your clickity clacker
And if I can't be your seven-course meal lemme be your midnight snacker
Yeah baby don't you leave me this way lemme be somethin'
Yeah if I can't be your lovey-dovey lemme be your flirty-flirty
And if I can't be your orchestra lemme be your little hurdy gurdy
And if I can't be your Mr Clean lemme be your Mr Dirty
Oh hey baby don't you leave me this way lemme be somthin'
Hey if I can't be your Sunday man lemme be your Monday action
Yeah well if I can't be your big big show lemme be your coming attraction
And if I can't be your coming attraction lemme be your momentary satisfaction
Yeah well hey baby don't you leave me this way lemme be somethin'
And if I can't be your bombardier let me be your tail gunner
If I can't be your serious love lemme be your just-for-funner
And if I can't be your big collision lemme be your hit-and-runner
Yeah well hey baby don't you leave me this way lemme be somethin'
So you heard there was a spark of love that I have for you
You come back to kill it like you always do
You found it weak and tremblin' hangin' on just by a thread
And you kicked it choke it stepped on it and broke it left it half to death
Kick it again it's still breathing
Kick it again I think I seen it move just a little bitty
Kick it again it's still living
So kick it again and then again and then you'll kill my love for you
[ harmonica - guitar ]
You're gonna have to do much more this time than a-make it crawl
A cheatin' on it doesn't seem to work at all
And it won't do no good to try to shame it to death
Cause it's raspin' gaspin' crawlin' callin' to you with each dying breath
Kick it again it's still breathing...
No I can't touch the clouds for you I've never reached the sun for you
I've never done the things that you need done for you
I've stretched as high as I can reach I guess I'm not the one for you
Cause I can't touch the clouds or reach the sun for you
No I can't reach the clouds or touch the sun
No I can't turn back time for you and make you sweet sixteen again
I can't turn your barren fields to green again
And I can't sit around and talk of how might have been again
No I can't turn back time and make you young again
I can't turn back time and make you young
I can't look inside your mind and see the things you're hopin' for
I can't help you chase the dream you're gropin' for
I know your heart is open wide but I don't know who it's open for
Cause I can't know your mind or chase your dreams for you
Mhm I can't chase your dreams or know your mind
So say goodbye and don't look back I've had some happy days with you
I'm sorry but I can't be the one who stays with you
And if they ask about me you can say I was the one with you
Who never touched the clouds or reached the sun with you
I can't touch the clouds or reach the sun for you
I can't touch the clouds or reach the sun
Yeah hoodoo voodoo lady cast up your voodoo vision
Let me know where did my baby go where did my lovin' baby go
Hoodoo voodoo lady shake your black cat tooth and your mojo bone
And bring my baby home bring my baby back home yeah
I know she didn't go up to New York City
She thinks that New York City is a little too pretty
I know she didn't go to sunny California
For she thinks that California is a little too phoney
I don't think she went up to north Alaska
She'd've told me cept I might forgot to ask her
And I don't think she went to east St Louis
But she might've gone to China for a little Chop Suey
Wherever she is I'm gonna run right there with you just tell me where
Hoodoo voodoo lady make me a doll that I can stick with pins
So that I can win my baby back again
(Yeah c'mon do somethin' weird and mystical...)
[ guitar ]
Yeah I don't think I'll find her in the Okefenokee
Cause the Okefenokee is too wet and smoky
And I don't think I'll find her up in Mississippi
She may be crazy but she ain't that flippy
And she might've seen her sister in Amarillo
And she might've gone to Philly just to see another feller
She might be drillin' oil in North Dakota
Might have gone to Iceland for an icecream soda
But I gotta get her back if I'm gonna get well so cast your spell
Voodoo hoodoo lady mix me a potion hot bubbly and black
That I can sprinkle on her crack and maybe bring my baby back
(Hoodoo voodoo lady let me know where did that woman of mine go)
Well on a Monday I'll be slingin' hash Tuesday I'll be collectin' trash
And on a Wednesday I might be tendin' bar
Thursday I'll be the guy who parks your car
On a Friday I might be teachin' school a Saturday finds me hustlin' pool
I got a whole lotta talents in demand that's why they call me Handy Man
Pow-pow-pow-hum all the neighborhood girls and boys
Pow-pow-pow-pow they come to me to mend their toys
Ta-ra-ra-ra their daddys call me to mow their lawn
And their mama's all horny when their daddys are gone
I can drive a tractor or wheel a truck I can deal a hand at poker with exceptional luck
And I can chop down a redwood usin' just one hand
That's why they call me Handy Man
Pow-pow-pow-pow-hum yeah you know if you need me for emergencies
I can come round you know work around the house
Or the backyards or somethin' not too taxin' no
Yeah on six in the morning I'm out pickin' fruits 8:45 I'm back pressin' suits
Twelve o'clock you'll see me shinin' shoes the coctail hour I'll be a servin' booze
I can wash your windows or walk your pet
Get your color reception and on a black and white set
Yeah I can play concerto on your baby grand cause I'm a huh Handy Man
Pow-pow-pow-hum all the neighborhood girls and boys
Pow-pow-pow-pow they come to me to mend their toys
Ta-ra-ra-ra their daddys call me to mow their lawn
And their mama's all horny when their daddy's not at home
I save my evenings for a brand new faces
Weekends are reserved for a emergency cases
I tell you babe you gotta understand that I'm a handy man
I mean a handy man you know what I am I mean a handy man
Goodnight little houseplant asleep on the sill
I'll pull the shades so you don't catch a chill
And tomorrow in the morning don't be breaskfast for two
We'll have ham and eggs for me and nitrogen for you
Goodnight little houseplant tucked in your clay pot
Maske sure you don't catch Huntington's Rot
Remember little houseplant stay away from them bees
I've heard they may carry a social disease
Goodnight little houseplant goodnight
Here's your glass of water should I leave on the light
Tomorrow we'll talk of the things that we did
I love you little house plant who needs women and kids
(Okay now years ago I wrote a song called A Boy Named Sue and that was okay
And everything except then I started to think about it and I thought
It is unfair I am looking at the whole thing from the poor kid€™s point of view
And as I get more older and more fatherly
I begin to look at things from an old man€™s point of view
So I decided to give the old man equal time okay here we go)
Yeah I lef€™ home when the kid was three and it sure felt good to be fancy free
Tho I knew it wasn€™t quite the fatherly thing to do
But that kid kept screamin€™ and throwin€™ up and pissin€™ in his pants til I had enough
So just for revenge I went and named him Sue
Yeah it was Gatlinberg in mid July I was gettin' drunk but gettin' by
Gettin' old and goin' from bad to worse
When thru the door with an awful scream comes the ugliest queen I've ever seen
He says my name is Sue how do you do then he hits me with his purse
Now this ain€™t the way he tells the tale but he scratched my face with his fingernails
And then he bit my thumb and kicked me with his high-heeled shoe
So I hit him in the nose and he started to cry and he threw some perfume in my eye
And it sure ain€™t easy fightin' with a boy named Sue
So I hit him in the head with a caned-back chair
And he screamed hey dad you mussed my hair
And he hit me in the navel and knocked out a piece of my lint
He was spittin' blood I was spittin' teeth
And we crashed through the wall and out into the street
A kickin and gougin' in the mud and the blood and the creme de menth
Then out of his garter he pulls a gun I€™m about to get shot by my very own son
He€™s screamin' bout Sigmond Freud and lookin' grim uh
So I thought fast and I told him some stuff
How I named him Sue just to make him tough
And I guess he bought it cuz now I€™m livin' with him
Yeah he cooks and sews and cleans up the place he cuts my hair and shaves my face
And irons my shirts better than a daughter could do
And on the nights that I can€™t score well I can€™t tell you anymore
Sure is a joy to have a boy named Sue yeah a son is fun
But it€™s a joy to have a boy named Sue
Unwind my mind oh baby drain my brain
Unscrew my head take a part of my heart
Scrape away the pain and start all over again
I tell you baby I don't understand just how you can make love to me
While you're lookin' at the picture of another man
You got me talkin' to my elbow climbin' up the wall
First you tell me you despise me then you say you idolize me
Then you tell me you can't use me at all
Unwind my mind...
[ guitar ]
Unwind my mind...
I tell you baby I just can't go on
The hung up way that we're livin' while I'm doin' all the givin'
You keep on callin' me John
First you messin' with Charlie and then you jivin' with Jim
And I know you need a father but I really can't bother
Bein' all those other guys plus him
Unwind my mind...
Unwind my mind settle my spine yeah unroll my soul yeah
Well breakfast black coffee one slice of dry toast no butter no jelly no jam
Lunch just some lettuce two celery stalks no booze no potatoes no ham
Dinner one chicken wing broiled not fried no gravy no biscuits no pie
And this dietin' dietin' dietin' dietin' sure is a rough way to die
So pass me a carrot stick peel me a prune a glass of skim milk and that's all
Turn off the TV for the Big Mac commercial it's drivin' me straight up the wall
And I'm think' of french fries sausage and waffles spaghetti and cookies and cake
And each night I'm dreamin' of chocolate ice cream and
I'm starvin' to death when I wake all for your sake
You're fixin' the kids all those creamed mashed potatoes
But it's bouillon and water for me and you got a lock on the refrigerator
Lord knows where you're hidin' the key
And while I am starvin' for food late at night I'm starvin' for lovin' from you
But you say that when I can see my own dick you'll be glad to look at it too
So supper two pieces of cauliflower raw some beefsteak the size of a nail
One sliced tomato a small dab of slaw I swear I ate better in jail
Stop eatin' that pizza right under my nose girl that's the least you can do
And put down that candy bar while I am singin' I'm starvin' my ass off for you
And when I am dead with the insurance paid you'll look down at me and you'll grin
You'll say well the boy tried and he suffered and died
But don't he look good when he's thin
(Hey the truth might hurt so I'm tellin' you now that you better not ask me)
Hey you better not ask me where I been all night
Why my eyes are shinin' and my spirit is flyin'
You better not ask if I been doin' right or I just might tell you
And you better not ask me bout the girls I used to know
And days I used to run around before I ever met you
You better not ask how they compare to you or I just might tell you
And you better not ask me if I'm satisfied
With the way you've been givin' me what you call lovin'
Better not ask me bout the times I cried or I just might tell you
So keep on doin' what you're doin' and if you should see me straight
Well don't you ask baby just let it pass baby
And maybe it'll go away but I don't doubt it
You better not ask me if I'm gonna stick around
Or pack up all my bags and find another pretty city
You better not ask me who it is I found or I just might tell you
Here's the half-finished painting of a girl that I started last December
Here's the first three pages of my novel bout I don't really remember
Here's my Martin guitar that I never quite learned how to play
That's the daylight dreamer wishful thinker's way
I had a Harley bike but I traded it off to a feller
For the Astroglass boat that's still sittin down in my cellar
I bought a tape recorder and found I had nothin' to say
That's the daylight dreamer wishful thinker's way
I got an exercise machine man I'd be glad to let you try it
This well it's a Leika Camera maybe you'd like to buy it
I can get you a real good deal
I just need enough money to buy myself some modeling clay
Yeah that's the daylight dreamer wishful thinker's way
On the day that I die they'll be talking about the dearly departed
And they'll say he never ever finished nothin' that he started
But I started this song man I'm gonna finish it today
Yeah that's the daylight dreamer
(How was it...daylight...oh wish...wishful...think...what were it...
I forgot I forgot the words
Listen... anyway... why don't we just take a break and finish it later you know
Cause I could sure use a sandwich
I wanna get myself a BLT or something
And listen... right near the restaurant there's a great old bookstore.
Right near the restaurant
They got all these great old books... great old comic books...they got Batman)
Well hey Miss Go-Go won't you stop for a minute
Cause the song you dance to it got somethin' in it
There's a lotta things those long funny words can teach ya
Yeah but the words don't reach ya
Oh where you're goin' you dance to it you dance to it
You bop slop flop around and prance right to it
When the trouble comes along they say nobody gave you a chance
But all you wanna do is dance dance dance yeah dance on
Well I'm not askin' you to do things my way I'm not tellin' you to do what I say
I'm not tellin' you to grab a lotta things that you're missin' it would be nice to listen
But you go and you dance to it xour box slot slop around and prance right through it
When the end comes you'll say nobody gave you a chance
But all you wanna do is dance dance dance dance dance dance yeah
Why don't you open your ears the man's sayin' somethin' to ya
Open your eyes the man's showin' somethin' to ya
Open your mind the man's tellin' somethin' in you but what do you do
You go and dance to it you dance to it
Your box slot slop around and prance right through it
When the end comes along you'll say nobody gave you a chance
But what you wanna do is dance dance wait a minute now
Yeah I can see my words ain't gonna move you
I can see my thoughts ain't gonna groove you
You might stop and think for just a minute but then you start swingin' again
And you're gonna dance to it you dance to it
You move groove dance around and prance to it
When the end comes along you'll say nobody gave you a chance
But what you wanna do is dance dance dance dance dance dance yeah
(Hey wait a minute yeah baby just stop for a second
Do you know what this guy's sayin'
Do you know what those words mean ou gotta do somethin'
No no just wait I mean oh come on uhhh
I mean take off those Go-Go boots for a second
I mean yeah I mean wait I mean uhhh
Hey okay but what's that stuff like this huh yeah shake my head yeah...)
In the Grandville greyhound station in the lightly drizzlin' rain
Sittin' on my suitcase goin' quietly insane all about you babe all about you
All about you and then no feelin' double dealin' things that you do
Uh every man in Grandville says he knows you well
Burn your ears if you could hear the stories that they tell
All about you babe all about you
All about you and then no feelin' double dealin' things that you do
[ guitar ]
They say you're picked up every Thursday in a rich man's limousine
And some cat in San Quentin keeps on havin' nasty dreams
All about you babe...
[ guitar ]
And now the summer sun may burn my back and these tears may dim my sight
But before I die there's a dirty book I'm gonna write
All about you babe...
[ guitar ]
Yeah the Grandville greyhound station
I waited on that night tell me you ain't gonna show
And I just go on sing this silly song
All about you tell the world all about you
Tell 'em what you are and tell 'em what you wish yeah I'm gonna put your name in
He'll be comin' down the road at the break of day
His head thrown back and his guns tied low
He's comin' after Jinny wants to take her away but I ain't gonna let her go
Oh he boasted in town but she loved him he said she'd be his with the sun
He said anyone try to stop him would be just one more notch on his gun
They say that he's headstrong and handsome his hair's blowin' wild and free
And they got a hold I ain't comin' cause he's a lot younger than me
And he'll be comin' down the road...
He hasn't had much education he ain't worked a day in his life
He's livin' with some older woman they say she's another man's wife
But she wants him needs him and loves him she buys him his clothes and his meals
When she finds he's gone she'll be prayin' and Lord I know just how she feels
Because he's comin' down the road...
The sun's at his back as he's comin' the smile is cruel on his lip
His right hand is slowly descendin' to the sixgun that rest on his hip
Then his lower lip strated tremble and he started cryin' as he looked up at me
And I picked him up I said son you're only four years old
And you know Jinny's only three
So come on in the house and have some cookies and milk
And he did and the tears turned to smiles
And I called up his mama I drove him home
And Jinny's safe at least for a little while
The Moon she is a pretty girl who lives up in the stars
And that old cloud he's a great old man who loves her from afar
He loves her from afar
When Lady Moon smiles down on him ol' Cloud is all a-wonder
So he starts to sing to her and that's what makes the thunder
Can't ya listen baby that's what makes the thunder
Love is just a cloudy sky as far as I can see
And that ol' cloud up in the sky he got much chance in love as me
And some dry nights she won't come out when she hears him callin'
The tears come streamin' on down his cheeks and that's the rain a fallin'
Don't ya feel it baby hat's the rain a fallin'
Love is just a cloudy sky as far as I can see
And that ol' cloud up in the sky's got as much a chance in love as me
And when the night starts to gettin' light and he can see her goin'
He throws a kiss across the sky and that's the wind a blowin',
Can't ya feel it honey that's the wind a blowin'
Oh love is just a cloudy sky as far as I can see
And that ol' cloud up in the sky he's got as much a chance as me
He got as much a chance as me
Hey my daddy left home when I was three and he didn't leave much for ma and me
Just this here old guitar and a half filled bottle of booze
And it wasn't just that he run and hid but the meanest thing that old man did
Was before he left he went and named me Sue
Yeah he must've thought that it was quite a joke and it got a lot of laughs from lots of folk
It seems I had to fight my whole life through
Well the girl would giggle and I'd get red and some guy'd laugh and I'd bust his head
I tell ya life ain't easy for a boy named Sue
Yeah I grew up quick and I grew up mean my fist got hard and my wits got keen
I'd roam from town to town to hide my shame
And I made me a vow to the moon and stars I'd search them honky tonks and bars
And I kill the man that gave me that awful name
It was Gatlinburg in mid-July I drove up my throat was dry
I thought that I'd stop and have me a brew
At an old saloon on a street of mud and there at a table dealing stud
Sat the dirty heartless dog that named me Sue
Yeah I knew that old man was my dad from a worn-out picture my momma'd had
I knew the scar on his cheek and his twinkly eye
He was kinda bent and gray and old and I looked at him and my blood ran cold
I said my name is Sue how do you do now you're gonna die
So I hit him hard right between the eyes he went down but to my surprise
He come up with a knife and he cut up a piece of my ear
So I busted a chair right across his teeth and we crashed through the wall and into the street
A kickin' and a gougin' in the mud and the blood and the beer
Well I tell ya I've fought tougher men but I really can't remember when
He kicked like a mule and he bit like a crocodile
Then he went for a gun and I heard him curse when he seen that I grabbed mine first
He stood there lookin' at me and he said with a cheepy smile
He said son this world is rough and if a man's gonna make it he's gotta be tough
And I know I wouldn't be there to help ya along
So I give ya that name and I said goodbye I knew you'd have to get tough or die
And it's that name that helped to make you strong
He said you just fought one hell of a fight and I know you hate me you got the right
To kill me and I wouldn't blame you if you do
But ya ought to thank me before I die for the gravel in ya guts and the steel in ya eye
Cause I'm that heartless hound who named you Sue what could I do
I got all choked up and I threw down my gun and I called him my pa and he called me son
And I come away with a different point of view
And I think about him now and then every time I try and every time I win
And you know if I ever have a son I think I'll just name him Jim or name him Paul or some like that
Anything but Sue I still hate that name
Alimony alimony I work till my fingers are bloody and boney
Me oh my oh goodness sake I'm paying for my mistake
She calls it alimony alimony yeah you single men may think it's funny
Till one of these days you're gonna wake and find you're payin' for your mistake
Pom pom I walk around ragged like a low-down bum
I can't afford to weigh myself or buy a stick of gum
It's the same old story with a little more blues in it
I'm payin' for it while someone else is usin' it
Alimony alimony I thought I bought steak and it was all baloney
My heart and back are both about to break from payin' for my mistake yeah
[ harmonica ]
Yeah I walk around ragged like a low down bum
I can't afford to weigh myself or buy a stick of gum
Why it's the same old story with a little more blues in it
I'm payin' for it while someone else is usin' it
Alimony alimony thought I bought steak and it was just baloney
And every penny that I make goes to payin' for my mistake
Oh yeah payin' for my mistake every Wednesday
(Yeah aw come on baby y'know it's your mistake too yeah
They took all the furniture and everything come on
Why maybe we could sorta pitch in and work it out y'know
I mean I could get a third job if that's what you want I mean
What about sellin' my blood y'know)
One two three four five six seven eight hey baby you're a little too late
I'm standin' on the outside lookin' in at you on the inside
Lookin' out at me on the outside lookin' in
Through the window of my madness at a place I never been
And you say you understand just what my trouble's all about
But you're sitting on the inside playing on the win side
While I'm freezing on the outside in the what's-it-all-about side
Lookin' in at you on the inside looking out
One two three four five six seven eight hey Jim let's talk about hate
I'm walkin' on the white side lookin' 'round at you on the brown side
Lookin' back at him on the black side lookin' down
And we're mouthin' words of freedom but we don't make any sound
And we clasp our hands in brotherhood and then go wash our hands
While you're stayin' on the brown side on the go-ahead-and-put-me-down side
While I'm standin' on the white side on the got-me-way-up-tight side
Lookin' back at him on the black side lookin' back
One two three four five six seven eight hey Claude don't bother to wait
You're cruisin' on the gay side lookin' straight at me on the straight side
Lookin' way at you on the gay side lookin' straight
And you're screamin' from the rooftops bout the pleasures that won't wait
And your closet's full of queenly gowns for extra special dates
And you're campin' on the gay side on the c'mon-out-and-play side
While I'm over on the trick side on the got-to-find-a-chick side
Lookin' way at you on the gay side lookin' straight
One two four seven nine eight twelve fifteen nineteen eighteen ninety-nine twenty-four else
[ sax ]
One two three four five six seven eight hey Miss hallucinate
You're boppin' on the hip side laughin' at me on the flip side
Chasin' after you on the hip side losin' my grip
And you're walkin' on a tightrope and you're tryin' not to slip
And you say you found out where it's at and give it all a try
So you're groovin' on the hip side in the come-and-take-a-trip side
I'm movin' on the square side in the show-me-when-and-where side
Chasin' after you on the hip side lookin' high
Lookin' at you on the hip side lookin' out yeah
Lookin' at you on the flip side lookin' back
Handsome guys get girls that are pretty
Other guys make it cause they're clever and witty
But the only love I ever got I got out of pity cause I'm the ugliest man in town
Yeah I drive down the street in a Roys Rolls car
Use hundred dollar bills when I light my cigar
But you know folks that really don't get you very far
When you're the ugliest man in town
There was a note on the doorstep where I was found
Is said this poor child weighs eleven pounds
So bring him up healthy and welthy and sound
Keep his back to the light don't let him turn around
Yeah all you women you're heartless and cold all you want is my silver and gold
Don't you know I've got a beautiful soul though I'm the ugliest man in town
Yeah I'm so ugly I gotta shave in the dark
The kids start to cry when I walk through the park
The clock stop tickin' and dogs start to bark whenever I come around
Oh oh oh I walk down the street the girls all hiss me
If I died tomorrow not one of them would miss me
Only reason they ball me is they can't stand to kiss me
I'm the ugliest man in town oh yeah the ugliest man in town
Yeah yeah now this song is a warning yes folks a warnin' against the danger
A very very economy a social fibre mortal turpitude haha national security
And friends the danger is not it is not the long hairs
And it is not the warmongers all the squares all the truckusers all the fuss
Friends the danger the real danger is thumbsuckers
Yes you heard me my friends I think thumbsucker
And every time every time you make a peace sign with your fingers
And every time you push a door bell
And every time you're on highway stick your thumb
There's always there in the shadows some dirty sneaky thumbsucker
Who will leap out upon you grab your wrist
And start to suck your thumb drainin' all your natural thumbjuices
And leavin' you hopeless heartless a shakin' quiverin' crawlin' slaverin'
Thumbsuckin' addict for the rest of your unusual life
That's why I ain't gonna let no thumbsucker suck my thumb
It'll drive you crazy and leave you deaf and dumb
It'll make you crawl and climb the wall and leave you without no thumb at all
I ain't gonna let no thumbsucker suck my thumb
Met her on a corner in Deluth and that's truth
She was tryin' to fix her shoe in a telephone booth her name was Ruth
She said she was just waiting for a bus
But I hid my thumb cause I knew just what she was
Uhh I ain't gonna let no...
[ piano - guitar ]
I'll tell you what them thumbsuckers like to do
They suck your thumb till it's wrinkled like a prune
They'll say you've got the sweetest thumb of all they say
But then they suck the thumb of the guy livin' down the hall
That's why I ain't gonna let no...
Suck my thumb suck my thumb suck my thumb suck my thumb
Oh the changing of the seasons it's a pretty thing to see
And though I find this balmy weather pleasin'
There's the wind come from tomorrow and I hear it callin' me
And I'm bound for the changing of the seasons
Oh it's blowin' in Chicago and it's snowin' up in Maine
And the Islands to the south are warm and sunny
And I've got to feel the earth shake and I gotta feel the rain
And I've got to know a taste of more than honey
So don't ask me where I'm goin' or how long I'm gonna be away
Don't make me give you all the hollow reasons
I'll think of you like summer and I might be back some day
When my heart miss the changing of the seasons
Oh it's blowin' in Chicago...
[ guitar ]
Oh it's nothing that you said and it ain't nothing that you done
And I wish I could explain you why I'm leavin'
But there's some men need the winter and there's some men need the sun
And there's some men need the changing of the seasons
Yeah it's blowin' in Chicago...
Now I was hangin' round Nashville writin' songs and playin' 'em for all of the stars
Watchin' 'em laugh and hand 'em back livin' on hope and Hershey bars
So I pawned my guitar and bought a ticket home and I's headin' for the Trailway bus
When I seen an old fountain pen laying in the gutter so I stopped and picked it up
It was worn-out bent and cast aside you know kinda sorta like myself
So I sat down on the curb and wrote a little song
That told the world how both of us felt
Then I run that song down to Music Row and before I had time to spit
It's pitched and sold and cut for a record
And moving up the charts and damn it's a hit
So I wrote me another winner then I wrote me a smash again
And I's a flyin' off the ground cause I knew I'd found me a sure hit songwriter's pen
So the songs they just kept a'pourin' out and the money kept pouring in
I just couldn't miss all it took was a twist of my sure hit songwriter's pen
Remember when I won the Grammy then I won it again and again
Well none of you knew that it was all due to my sure hit songwriter's pen
I was darling with all the ladies I was a hero among the men...
Making big dough working rodeos and TV shows me and my sure hit songwriter's pen
But then one night in Wichita I was just coming off of the stage
Folks all lined up and did crawl for my autograph Lord I was a national rage
One little freckled face girl was there she said I got no pencil sir
So I signed it with my songwriter's pen and then handed the pen back to her
Four o'clock that morning I wake up with the shakes and the bends
With terror in my eyes cause good God I realized I'd lost my sure hit songwriter's pen
I offered rewards in the papers I pleaded on the Sympathy Line
And a whole lotta folks and a whole lotta pens but none of them pen's was mine
So my songs got worse and my money ran out and so did all my so-called friends
And there was no doubt I was nothing without my long-lost sure hit songwriter's pen
So I rolled like a stone down old Skid Row where I feed my blues on wine
And I rest my chops in a two-bit flop and I tell my story for a drink or a dime
And I sleep with my shoes underneath my head and I dream about days back then
When I blazed my name across the sky with my sure hit songwriter's pen
Somewhere in Wichita some little girl who's a freckled face nine or ten
Is doing her arithmetic homework tonight with a sure hit songwriter's pen
God bless ya honey you got yourself my sure hit songwriter's pen
Oh they won't let us show it at the beach no they won't let us show it at the beach
They think we're gonna grab it if it gets within our reach
And they won't let us show it at the beach
But you can show it in your parlor to most anyone you choose
You can show it at a party with your second shot of booze
You can show it on the corner wearin' overcoat and shoes
But they won't let us show it at the beach
No they won't let us show it at the beach friends
Ah they won't us show it at the beach
Oh they're sure we're gonna grab it if it gets within our reach
So they won't let us show it at the beach
But you can show it in the movies on the cineramic screen
You can show it in the most sophisticated magazine
You can show it while you're bouncing on the high school trampoline
But they won't let us show it at the beach
But if you've got a gun it's legal to display it on your hip
You can show your butcher knives to any interested kid
But if it's made for lovin' then you'd better keep it hid
And they won't let us show it at the beach
There was a group called called Scum of the Earth
And they say they got their birth
In a basement bar on Greek Street down in Soho
The bass man he smoked grass and the drummer he kicked ass
And the lead guitar ate speed while everybody boogied
The drummer's name was Mavis he was a twice convicted rapist
They say he learned to play in a garage band in Balham
He'd cut out your heart for a dime and he kept lousy time
But the rest of the band was too damned scared to tell him
And The Scum of the Earth they just keep boogyin' on
Higher and higher until the fire was burned out and gone
And The Scum of the Earth they just keep boogyin' on
Now the bass man's names was Spiker he dressed like a black jacket biker
But underneath his leathers he wore black lace silk panties
They say he sang his sweet love number directly to the drummer
While he kept his eye on the guitar player's fanny
On lead guitar was Static he was a hey health-food fanatic
He lived on berries and nuts and had scurvy and rickets
He did his Yoga excercisin' and he kept on tryin' and tryin'
'til finally he could bend all the way over and lick it
And The Scum of the Earth they just keep boogyin' on
Higher and higher until the fire was burned out and gone
And The Scum of the Earth they just keep boogyin' on.
Now one night Scum of the Earth they was playin' for all they was worth
Guitar screams and wails and cymbal crashes louder faster and higher
Till their electric cords caught fire and the whole damn band was burned to a pile of ashes
And The Scum of the Earth they just keep boogyin' on
Higher and higher until the fire was burned out and gone
And The Scum of the Earth they just keep boogyin' on
Haha I kissed Polly goodnight haha as we stood at her front door
Now she's quite a proper lady so I didn't ask for anything more
But haha I was feeling oh so groovie that I went down to the movie
And I sat down and guess just what I saw
I saw Polly in a porny down at the dirty flicks
I saw Polly in a porny I didn't know she knew them tricks
What I seen nearly struck me blind I never knew she was the artically inclined
I saw Polly in a porny with a pony and I've nearly blowed my mind
Was she gallopin' (no no no) oh was she trottin' (no no no)
Oh was she riding across the country with some tall dark handsome person
Oh was she wearin' her cowboy hat haha well not exactly that
But at least I recall she had her spurs on
I love ol' Polly in a porny I keep on going back
Yeah in the very last row I'm singin' low with my coat bouncin' in my lap ooh
I spend each dime I can afford I swear she's gonna win an academy award
I saw Polly in a porny with a pony and the pony seemed a little bored
Ooh oh ride Polly ride slide Polly slide
(I'll tell you a story of silly young king
Who played with the world at the end of a string
But he only loved one single thing and that was just a peanut butter sandwich)
Now his scepter wand his royal gowns his regal throne and golden crowns
Were brown and sticky from the mounds
And drippings from each peanut butter sandwich
His subjects all were silly fools cuz he had passed a royal rule
That all that they could learn in school was how to make a peanut butter sandwich
He would not eat his sovereign steak he scorned his soup and his kingly cake
And told his courtly cook to bake
And nothin' nothin' nothin' but an extra-sticky peanut butter sandwich
And then one day he took a bite and started chewing with delight
But found his mouth was stuck quite tight
From that last bite of peanut butter sandwich
His brother pulled his sister pried the wizard pushed his mother cried
Oh my boy's committed suicide from eating his last peanut utter sandwich
The dentist came and the royal doc the royal plumber banged and knocked
But still those jaws stayed tightly locked oh darn that sticky peanut utter sandwich
The carpenter he tried with pliers the telephone man tried with wires
The firemen they tried with fire but couldn't melt that peanut utter sandwich
With ropes and pulleys drills and coil with steam and lubricating oil
For twenty years of tears and toil they fought that awful peanut bbutter sandwich
Then all his royal subjects came they hooked his jaws with grapplin' chains
And pulled both ways with might and main
Against against that peanut butter sandwich
Each man and woman girl and boy put down their ploughs and pots and toys
And pulled until kerack oh joy they broke right through the peanut utter sandwich
A puff of dust a screech a squeak the kin's jaw opened with a creak
And then in voice so faint and weak the first words that they heard him speak
Were how about a peanut butter sandwich
Walk into a restaurant with chicken on my mind
Look at the menu I want roastbeaf and wine
A waitress comes up I order baked beans and bread
Oh when she brings it I want ham'n eggs instead
Because my mind keeps a movin' bouncin' and a groovin'
A flippin' floppin' every whichaway
From minute to minute if my mind ain't really in it
Never know just what I'm do or say
Sometimes I wake up happy sometimes I wake up mean
Sometimes I wake up missin' somethin' I ain't seen
Might wake up wasted and I might wake up dead
Might wake up and look around and jump back into bed
Because my mind keeps a movin'...
[ guitar ]
Sittin' home at midnight thinkin' bout Marie go to the phone I dial Carol Lee
I say come by babe just as fast as you can
And when she gets there I'm thinkin' bout Ann
Because my mind keeps a movin'...
Fly off to Paris just to get away from home
Get off in London and I grab a boat for Rome
Got to St Louis be in St Paul or else take a trip and go no place at all
Because my mind keeps a movin'...
I go to a psychiatrist to straighten my head
Then I decide I need a chiropractor instead
Put salt in my coffee and ketchup in my tea only dig a chick that don't dig me
Because my mind keeps a movin'...
Sometimes I don't shave and I look kinda weird
So shave off my hair and I grow a beard
Shave off my beard dye my eyebrows green
Play myself a song upon a tambourine
Because my mind keeps a movin'...
Ko-we-ha Gemini Jim taw Scorpio Salo
Taw sejno-nej-o-to-kono o-ha-na-shi-te-saw
There was Gemini Jim and Scorpio Sal they was livin' by the Golden Gate
Freezin' their nose and wearin' leather clothes and dealin' every way but straight
They had a Leo dog and a Capricorn cat and everything was goin' fine
Until into their life on a moonless night come the man who got no sign
He roared right in like some evil wind and he rolled himself a righteous smoke
As the thunder scrashed and the lightenin' flashed he took a toke and a spoke
Said he was born in an astrological warp when the stars refused to shine
On the cusp of Nowhere and Nevermore he's the man that got no sign
Then he told a story of an endless search to find his missin' part
And Scorpio Sal she smiles at him tries to do his chart
But the Pisces Ben who was Jim's best friend aaid man you must be blind
You better grab your knife and take the life of the man who'd got no sign
And so it happened and his blood run soaked the ground
The arrest was made by Sheriff Slade and Aquarius thru and thru
But the jailer was a Sagittarius so he beat Jim black and blue
And then they dragged him up to the courthouse stairs they said Jim how do you plea
He said man the moon's in Virgo so the blame don't fall on me
Well the jury all was the Libras so you know they was more than fair
But the lawyer was an Aries and an Aries just don't care
The judge he was a Cancer and Cancers have no friends
But the hungman was a Taurus and that's where the circle ends
She's a liberated lady and she's looking out for herself
And she don't need your protection and she does not want your help
And if you're lookin' for some pretty little flower
You better go look somewhere else cause I warn you she's a liberated lady
She got off work at the foundry she was a feelin' kinda beat
On the bus she had to stand and let some fellah have her seat
And then she pinched the ass of a guy whopassed her walkin' down the street
When he called a cop she didn't quite understand
When she stopped off on the corner for her double shot of rye
When some guy lit her cigarette she punched him in the eye
And then he kicked her in the balls it was enough to make her cry
But she stood there and she took it like a man
(She's a liberated lady and she smokes them big cigars
You're gonna find her drinkin' boilermakers at the corner bar
And in thirty seconds flat she'll change a flat tire on your car
Look out she's a liberated lady)
She come home to find her darlin' husband cryin' in distress
She says why ain't supper ready and why is this house a mess
He said the kids have drove me crazy and I need a brand new dress
And how come you don't ever take me dancin'
She sat down to smoke her pipe and she thought back to the time
When she was satin silk and lace with nothin' on her mind
But now she's gotta mow the lawn and gotta pay the bills on time
And pray to Mrs God she don't get drafted
Oh she got into bed that evenin' and she strapped her dildo on
Climb on top of him and said okay let's get it on
He said you know I've got my period and my headache isn't gone
And he fell asleep the chauvinistic bastard oh
(She's a liberated lady...
I say look out she's a liberated lady
Well now I once knew a woman listen while I tell you all about her yeah
And the first time I seen her I knew I couldn't live without her
Well now she swore she'd love me all her life and I knew I'd do the same
God damn but I don't even remember her name I don't remember her name
Well now I once knew a woman and oh listen while I'm tellin' it to ya yeah
She had big brown eyes the kind that could look right through ya
Now that she looked in my soul with those big brown eyes
Got a feelin' like I never knew hey come to think of it those eyes were blue
I think those eyes were blue
Well now you end one love then onto another never thinkin' back at the past one
Never stop to think oh brother that the next one gonna be just like the last one
I once knew a woman listen while I tell you my story
She had a heart like the world her lips like a morning glory yeah
Well I knew at last I met my fate and I'm bound to settle down
Hey I wonder if she's still in town
Yeah I once knew a woman and listen while I tell you some more boys
Hey come to think of it I think I told bout her before boys
Well she is the one who gets my heart she sets my heart aflame
Yeah I still don't remember her name
Hmm come to think of it those eyes were blue or were they green
Hmm I wonder if she's still around hmm you know I'm really not to blame
Oh I still don't remember her name
Oh yes boys play it sweet for me
I was sittin' in my basement I'd just rolled myself a taste of
Somethin' green and gold and glorious to get me through the day
When my friend yells through my transom grab your coat an' get your hat son
There's a nut down on the corner a givin' dollar bills away
But I sat around a bit and then I had another hit
And then I rolled myself a bomber thought about my momma
Looked around fooled around played around while and then
I got stoned and I missed it I got stoned and I missed it
I got stoned and it rolled right by
I got stoned and I missed it I got stoned and I missed it I got stoned oh me oh my
It took seven months of urgin' just to get that local virgin
With the sweet face up to my place to fool around a bit
And next day she woke up rosy and she snuggled up so cosy
But when she asked me how I liked it Lord it hurt me to admit
I got stoned and I missed it...
[ fiddle ]
I ain't makin' no excuses for so many things I uses
Just to brighten my relationships and sweeten up my day
But when my earthly race is over and I'm ready for the clover
And they ask me how my life has been I guess I have to say
I was stoned and I missed it...
Yeah they call me Grizzly Bear got long black grizzly hair
Walk down the street and everybody stop and stare
Ohohoh well I'm wild and wooly and free
And so you'd better not mess with me
Lemme tell you that I howl yowl growl like a grizzly bear
They say there go Grizzly Bear got no clothes to wear
They say I'm all hung up bein' nowhere
Yeah but the girls they love my clows and my great big chompin' jaws
Lemme tell you that I howl yowl and growl like a grizzly bear
Well now I can't be chained and I can't be tamed and they can't kill my desire
So baby gimme a hug I'll be your bearskin rug
And I'll lie in front of your fire on winter
Baby if you dare why don't you come on down to my lair
And if you got some money to share I'll be waitin' for you there
Hey you know I'm gonna on strong and we can hug'n mate the whole week long
Lemme tell you that I howl yowl a growl like a grizzly bear
[ piano ]
(Yeah watch out baby here I come again)
They call me Grizzly Bear they say I'm kooky and square
They can say anything they want about me I don't care I don't care
Because I'm takin' it day by day and I'm livin' my own sweet way
Lemme tell you that I howl yowl a growl like a grizzly bear
Like grizzly bear yeah I really rip and tear I really get my share
As I walk down to Bishop Street I met a girl who smiled so sweet
Now she was young and pretty too
And on a string she walked with a thing called the Floobie Doobie Doo
Oh the Floobie Doobie Doo now what is that it ain't no dog and it ain't no cat
It's not the doll with eyes of blue
I never seen such a thing as thing called the Floobie Doobie Doo
It had one tooth five purple toes sixteen elbows and a twelve-foot nose
You never see one in the Zoo
I mean a thing like a thing on a string called the Floobie Doobie Doo
I told that girl lemme take you home and maybe we can be alone hahaha
She said I'd love to go home with you
But I have to cling to my thing on the string called the Floobie Doobie Doo
Well I took her home that very night we talked a while and I dimmed the light
She cuddled close and the next thing I knew
Just as soon as it seen us in between us jumped the Floobie Doobie Doo
It stayed all night it stayed all year I never got to hold you near
I said sweet baby I wanna cling to you
But she wanna cling to the thing on the string called the Floobie Doobie Doo
Oh the Floobie Doobie Doo oh now what is that
It ain't no dog it ain't no cow it ain't no cat
It's not the doll with eyes of blue
You just can't swing with the thing on the string called the Floobie Doobie Doo
Well she cried and cried she wiped her eye she said farewell so long goodbye
For though I loved you yes I do
I can't reveal the love that I feel for the Floobie Doobie Doo
I never see her anymore she never knocks upon my door
And every night alone and blue
I sit and swing about a swing on a thing
I mean I sit and think about a swing on a thing
I mean I sit and sing about a thing on a string called the Floobie Doobie Doo oooh
Well I was sittin' up in my crane leftin' boulders in the rain
Can't get promoted no matter what I do
Ah when the forman he comes around and he yells up from the ground
He says hold that load up there for a minute or two
Cause I got to check some gear down here below
So whatever you do with them rocks just don't let go
Just don't let go just don't let go
Sittin' by his desk drinkin' coffee it seems that he got hit by a rock or three
They're puttin' my name on the door where his name was before
Oh dirty ol' me say dirty ol' me
Now my best friend had confessed that his life had been a mess
Yeah when he was young he robbed the bank and then ran
But now he lives an honest life and he's got a lovely wife
But still it hurts to be a wanted man
But he said nobody knows about it but my friends and kin
And I know a none of them would ever turn me in
They'd never turn me in they'd never turn me in
I'm slouchin' on his couch drinkin' his whiskey
Well it seems somebody called the police on he
And between the hugs and kisses that I'm gettin' from his Mrs
I think oh dirty ol' me dirty ol' me
And then of course it follows I found a suitcase full of dollars
About fifteen thousand of 'em more or less
And inside there was a note that some poor old lady wrote
Givin' me her name and her address
And it said if lost finder please return without hesitation
Cause I've been savin' this money for fifteen years
Strippin' and sufferin' and takin' in washin'
Scrubbin' floors and sellin' flowers in the snow
And now I need it for a serious operation a serious operation a serious operation
Now I'm layin' on the beach in Acapulco got enough money to last till I'm ninety-three
And I'm eatin' enchilidas served by lovely signoritas
Thinkin' oh dirty ol' me thinkin' dirty ol' me
(Yeah I can't face myself aw y'know but when you really think about it
I mean that foreman I mean he had compensation and prob'ly could use the rest
And y'know my friend'll prob'ly feel a lot better
When he pays his debt to society and won't have that pressure on him
Y'know and that old lady y'know if there was such an old lady
It prob'ly was a false note anyway
But if there was she she can get MediCare they've got
I mean I'm not tryin' to make excuses or nothin' y'know I mean
I mean I can't stand to look at myself sometimes I mean
I-I feel the guilt honey pass me some more of that tequila
I 'm just tryin' to forget dirty ol' me
Yeah just move a little closer yeah
Some o'them frijoles I love frijoles yeah I want
Yeah I-I got the money right here yeah)
Hey dragged up my holly and I pull it to a town for the bigtime
Hey rig down the road I tore 'em down I'm a bigtime
I wheeled right in them swinging doors
Out through the window with half of that store
Everybody stopped and roared here comes Bigtime
Lemme grab me a bottle when I bit off a tap cause I'm bigtime
I do a 90 miles an hour in this speedin' trap and that's bigtime
I rolled up the telephone pole and then I kissed 15 women fought 16 men
I thought I'd start over again for another bigtime
And then a cop come up he said I see you've been enjoyin' quite a bigtime yeah
But you got to pay for what have been destroyed Mr Bigtime
I told that cop you better cut right out
Cause you're a little bitty man I'm a great big trout
I swung at him and the lights went out on my bigtime
Hey here I am coolin' in the country slam and this is the bigtime
The judge didn't believe how imprtant I am he gave me bigtime
And in the bunk above me there is a poor tempted soul
He shot his wife cause she sneezed untold
Hope he didn't catch cold here in the bigtime
Hey when I get out I can have it made I could be bigtime
Vause my safecracker buddies wanna teach me the trade in their bigtime
I thanked them kindly but I told them no when I get out I'm gonna take it slow
A cup of hot chocolade and a late late show will be my bigtime
Yea cup of hot chocolade and a late show will be my bigtime
There's gonna be a Freaker's Ball yes yes tonight at the Freaker's Hall
Ha ha yeah and you know that you're invited one and all
C'mon babies grease your lips grab your hats swing your hips
And don't forget to bring your whips I'll take you to the Freaker's Ball
Blow your whistle bang your gong roll up somethin' to take along
It feels so good but it must be wrong a freakin' at the Freaker's Ball
All the fags and the dikes they boogyin' together
Leather freaks're dressed in all kinds of leather
The greatest of the sadists and the masochists too
Screamin' please hit me and I'll hit you
The FBI a dancin' with the junkies all the straights a swingin' with the funkies
Cross the floor and up the wall a freakin' at the Freaker's Ball
Y'all a freakin' at the Freaker's Ball
[ horns ]
No hairs and long hairs kissin' each other mother with daughter son with mother
Smear my body up with butter and take me to the Freaker's Ball
Pass that roach and pour the wine I'll kiss yours and you'll kiss mine
I'm a gonna boogie till I go blind a freakin' at the Freaker's Ball
Oh the white freaks black freaks yellow and red ones
Necropheliacs a lookin' for dead ones
Tickers the sickers they're gettin' their kicks
With the womans libbers and the sexist pigs
The plastercasters castin' their plasters the masturbators baitin' their masters
Cross the floor and up the wall a freakin' at the Freaker's Ball
Y'all a freakin' at the Freaker's Ball y'all a freakin' at the Freaker's Ball
