Apparently conservatives have gotten all their information on how civil prisons work from 80s cartoon villains.
Jan LaRue (not to be confused with LaRouche), American Bloodsport: Tsarnaev the Fraud
Sigh…
When I first heard about the terrible bombings at the Boston Marathon, I was in the middle of writing a post on some storm in a tea-kettle thing wherein the only objectionable thing seemed to be the only thing no one wanted to talk about in any real depth.
Which admittedly, after the attack, felt a bit cold and hallow. And it didn’t feel right writing about frivolous matters when something so big was in the radar.
At the same time, it was difficult to write about the bombings themselves, because there was little to no real information. I mean sure, there were enough early responses from wingnuts that deserved a good kicking. This piece of work was impressively bad in terms of reflexive “anyone who suspects us just because we have done the last 12 attacks and tend to blow shit up around Tax Day is a vile commie rat” is impressively bad.
But empathy and good judgment demanded waiting until the facts come out.
And the facts are that the bombers, motive yet to be fully determined, turned out to be foreigny, Russian-adjacent, immigrant, muslim types. And my heart just sank straight to the ground. Not just for those victims of the bombings who had their days and some their lives ruined for such ill-defined bullshit reasons. Not just for the immigrant or muslim communities who do not need another hot-head asshole blowing shit up when the dominant population has treated them so terribly for so long after every time something like this happens. But also, sad to say, for the quality of right-wing noise we’re sure to be drowning in for the next couple of months/years. Read the rest of this entry »
Well, I’m shocked, shocked to discover that greater Wingnutistan has latched on to the Boston bombings as an opportunity to find their favorite liberal bogeymen hiding behind the explosions. Who would have thought?
Of course, you don’t have to be the fastest shooting wingnut in the butthurt corral to point your fingers at immigrants and immigration and all that. Hell, they were going to do that even if the bombers’ parents had immigrated to the United States on the May-fucking-flower itself. I mean, even if the perpetrators were whiter than Tagg Romney, then that just goes to prove that swarthy Middle Easterners are bound to be even worse if we let them in. I mean, if a real American could do that just imagine what a devil-worshiping foreigner would be able to do!
Of course, you can always count on America’s Shittiest Website™ to take any normal right-wing talking point and give it that special little twist, that slight whiff of eliminationism, that makes them so special. Let’s see that in action by paying a little visit to Stanley Kurtz, shown above in his profile picture on ChristianMingle.com. Stanley isn’t just worried about keeping the foreigners and immigrants out in the wake of the bombings. No, the bombings have him all worried about the ones that are already here and who pose an existential threat to the American way of life because they speak multiple languages fluently, because they like soccer more than baseball, because they dress funny and because they listen to scary music with funny instruments and weird ululations that sound like, at least to patriotic ears, cattle fucking in a crowded parking lot.
Thanks to the rise of multiculturalism and bilingualism in the United States, our assimilation system now suffers from the same flaws as its European counterpart. The proposed immigration bill does little to fix this, and if anything aggravates an already critical situation. Without fixing our system of patriotic assimilation first …, a path to citizenship will surely do more harm than good.
(And you thought I was joking about Stanley being afraid of people who spoke more than one language!)
Not surprisingly, Stanley isn’t letting us in on his secret plan to assimilate all the furinners already here, although I suspect it goes beyond doling out jail sentences for people speaking anything other than English in public. Probably he’s got in mind reeducation camps where Muslims and Buddhists are forced to watch “Leave It To Beaver,” “Father Knows Best,” and the “700 Club.”
The number of immigrants who might someday turn into terrorists is small. Yet it only takes a few to cause trouble.
You know, the number of right-wing evangelicals who might someday bomb abortion clinics or gay bars is also quite small, but, as Stanley says, it only takes a few to cause trouble. Perhaps right-wing evangelicals need to be assimilated better as well although, oddly, Stanley doesn’t seem to advocate that. I do think, however, that re-education and assimilation camps where right-wing evangelicals are required to watch “The New Normal,” to go to the gym, to eat sushi and to learn how to make a bone-dry martini might be way more fun! What do you think?
We go on and on here about the sad truism that is “IT’S ALWAYS PROJECTION” here at Sadly, No! Because unfortunately IT’S ALWAYS PROJECTION with so many right-wing arguments, freak-outs, and accusations thrown out at liberals. And that sad reality is rarely ever more true when it comes to the conservative fetish object of “Personal Responsibility”. “Personal Responsibility” is the conservative one stop response to pretty much any and all discrimination and bigotry in the world.
Oh, are you poor and starving on the streets because rich people are hogging all the money and have actively opposed the notion of social safety nets? Welp, should have had some “Personal Responsibility” and magicked up a high paying job from your colon. Oh, are you queer and being harassed for it? Welp, maybe you should have thought about “Personal Responsibility” before you started shoving your differences in people’s faces. Oh, are you a woman and you’ve been raped? Welp, you definitely should have shown some “Personal Responsibility” before going to a place that contained at least one rapist while living in a rape culture that actively and passively condones it… I mean, something about short skirts and being a whore, I dunno.
And for all they love the word (and only the word) when they are trying to dodge their way out of empathy or actually having to pretend that the suffering and deaths of “undesirables” isn’t the fucking point, there is nothing they actually hate accepting more in substance. Read the rest of this entry »
Okay, I get that white people can be liberals and I get that white people can be poor, but are you absolutely sure white people can’t be cavemen because I’ve really been wanting to reuse this photoshop for awhile.
In this gig, we read a LOT of complete and utter assholes, pure scum of the Earth types, some of whom, I am convinced, are actively trying to be worse people out of some twisted obligation to “pissing off the liberals”. As such, it can be worthwhile to take a break from the National Reviews and American Thinkers of the world and remember that truly mind-numbing stupidity can come from all sorts of sources.
Such as say, a “well-meaning liberal” stepping boldly out and sliding ever forward on the banana peel of unchecked privilege.
Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):
Oh holy shit, it just dawned on me that non-white people are starting to gain legitimate power. In response, let me trip painfully over my own privilege and lecture to you inferior darkies how you should still bow ever so deferentially to us white people, otherwise we’ll abandon you immediately and try and burn the bridges we’ve got while they still matter. P.S. Why is it so hard for racial minorities to fully trust white allies?
The prostitute lay back and considered her options carefully. And to think she was such a normal girl before the hippie commie brainwashing of (DRAMATIC MUSIC) a liberal-arts education!!!
It’s almost cute, when you get right down to it. The right-wing’s dual obsessions regarding academia. With all the various faux-intellectual “think-tanks” designed to produce various afactual “studies” to prove their bigoted nonsense, it is clear that the right-wing desperately CRAVES the respectability and gravitas of genuine academic scholarship. But at the same time, it so thoroughly despises academia for its commitments to the pursuit of truth and genuine investigation of the world. Not to mention, academia’s nasty habit of routinely proving various wingnut conspiracy theories so very wrong.
The right-wing, in all it’s anti-intellectual fervor, despises those smarty-pants stuffed-shirts who actually know things about the world, but also wants to be them, have the respect carefully earned by proving oneself repeatedly right. It’s like they actually comprehend on some level that all their various wingnut welfare gigs for various propaganda factories are the real act of undeserved promotion they decry “affirmative action” as and so long for the accolades that come with genuinely earning your position.
They don’t want to do the work or accept the low paychecks that come with said hard work, mind you. Just the accolades, just the respectability. It’s the same reason that so many no-nothing pundits try to sell themselves off as “experts”.
Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):
How dare colleges teach anything other than dead white men! Burn the heretics who admit anyone other than dead white men exist and might have scholarly worth! Burn them!
This was a real ad that Ford commissioned and fairly high level approved. This is a real Ford ad completed concept sketch that got pretty far in the completed ad development process in its ad agency before being proudly leaked to the internet. But the fact that this was seen as acceptable in the first place and seriously proposed as a way to sell motor vehicles is not at all a sign of an increase in sexist backlash against women or anything like that. Or something. All I know is that I should be able to blame MISANDRY for all this somehow.
… Oh sweet toe-nibbling sub Jesus, that fucking title! Not just any outspoken mother, but a VERY outspoken mother. Sorry, Daily Mail, were you worried that we’d only consider her SLIGHTLY outspoken? Did you think we’d be trudging along and then go “Whot, ho! This scurrilous wench has deceived me! Her condescending ‘concern’ is only PASSABLY outspoken at best!” and you wanted to nip that in the bud early on and assure us that regardless of how she is presented here, she is surely VERY outspoken in general? Well, I for one, am a little put off by the defensiveness shown here. I’m starting to suspect there might have been vocal chord doping involved in this year’s Outspoken Games and I’m-
Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):
I know you bitches always complain about being denied jobs and advancement because “you little ladies are just going to drop out and have children anyways”. Well, it turns out we’re also willing to discriminate against you for being evil soulless “career women” who lack the fundamental “humanity” to drop out of the boy’s club and retire back to your gilded cages where you belong.
I got a Twitter account years ago but didn’t like it or really use it until a couple weeks ago. Now I’m addicted; it’s the most awesome trolling device yet invented. Yay for a babbly ADHD-friendly platform by which I dispenseinsultsandabsorb them. Sometimes I get blocked, though, but never until @JonahNRO in such detail or with such care. Come troll with me if ya want.
If you’re a lucky sonuvabitch, you may have been able to remain ignorant of a little right-wing shibboleth they like to call “parents’ rights”. In which case, Ha! You apparently weren’t lucky enough, you bastard!
“Parents’ rights”, like most right-wing euphemisms, is a bold attempt to lobby for a form of abuse with the trappings of a rights movement, so you can pretty much guess exactly which group this little “movement” wants to justify abusing.
To even better summarize, this proud band of freedom fighters trying to undo systemic oppression is the moniker a handful of Real True Christians TM who firmly believe that women and children are the rightful owned property of the “man of the house” use when they want to argue that said property can be used as they see fit in terms of things like ruining their lives by denying them an education, having the “right” to physically abuse or sexually abuse them in the name of “discipline”, or marrying them off to their favorite gay sex partner in order to “keep them in the family”.
Which means that when they get their knickers in a twist, it usually means good things for children and satirists everywhere.
Shorter (the port’s fine by me):
Every parent should have the right to keep their artifact children in perfect ignorance! Also Obama and Holder still insist on being black at us.
Yeah, pretty much.
And in addition to the usual fuckwittery, it turns out this particular iteration is also a two-fer in that it is an attempt to diminish asylum laws as well. Because what do those uppity little bitches and faggots whining about “I’m going to be raped and murdered if I stay here” need political asylum for? Those illustrious citizenship rights should only be doled out to the nuttiest Snickers bars that the white enclaves of first-world Europe can produce.
No, seriously, the central “argument” of his post is crying over the fates of those whose “suffering at the hands of an oppressive government” consisted of “we broke the law by refusing to educate our children, thus depriving them of equal opportunity, so the German government sued us and started having to involve their version of Social Services (I like to imagine their version contains at least 12% more whips) and WAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!”
Because of course, to the type of abusers who feel that motherfucking children have too much relative power to them, those are the only type of overprivileged douches that matter.
Though I do love this little bit of unintentional honesty in the midst of this extended crying jag for the “rights” of terrible parents:
Under our president’s scheme, educating children means producing multicultural, socially-aware, environmentally-conscious, Progressive-minded citizens
Sorry libertine liberals, but Joseph Farah, owner of the thousand pedophile stare and proud mustache dye fetishist, has got our number. See, he’s managed to land a rare exclusive post on the pages of the distinguished printable shit rag, Wing Nut Daily, (by being the owner of the whole cage of winged monkeys) to demonstrate his new knock down argument that completely puts those uppity homosexualists in their place.
Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):
The only way I could understand hypocrisy less would be if someone trepanned my skull and even then, I’d probably gain some clarity. On that note, abusive “ex-gay therapies” of demented closet cases ranting at queers to get back in the closet or else should be supported by gays because something something, trannies are disgusting.
~There’s a hole in the world like a great black pit
and the vermin of the world inhabit it
and its morals aren’t worth what a pig could spit
and it goes by the name of~ The National Review Online.
Ha ha, America! You may have thought that you were feeling the lingering effects of that economic depression everyone tries not to talk about. If you’re lucky, you might be stuck in a job you hate (or that hates you). If you’re not, well, we just don’t like talking about you unless we can blame Obama for not single-handedly fixing that despite the fact that we keep voting down every attempt he makes. You may even be noticing that there seems to be a shit-ton of new Danish and other Scandanavian companies popping up everywhere and even pipsqueak nations like Sweden feel safe to come by and use our desperate people in the same way as we use third-world nations.
But never fear, Victor Davis Hanson, White Supremacist Extraordinaire, has come with assurance that while the system may seem broken and creaky, everything’s running just fine. No matter what problems we’re encountering, we’ll get through with all the wide-eyed optimism and pluck that defines the modern musical. Why in fact, I feel like singing!
Musical Shorter (or the last dance before the end):
~We all deserve to die! Even you, Mrs. Lovett, even I!~
That’s why he’s being prosecuted. Because he killed someone. Or more importantly because he’s been accused of killing someone. Cause that’s what happens when you’re accused of committing a crime.
For someone who spends so much of his time whining about how “having a few small questions about the Satanist plot to brainrape anyone who knows about Obama’s secret Kenyan abortion doctor birth certificate” doesn’t at all make him a racist, Jack Fuckwit here is not doing himself any favors by literally boggling at the concept that the legal system isn’t actually just for keeping the niggers and the faggots down.
Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):
I’m selling a book, so please take the time to listen to my incredibly belated attempt at white-washing and dime-store legal ninjitsu on why Trayvon Martin actually used his tentacle mindrape powers to make Al Sharpton snipers take fire on poor huddled George Zimmerman before breaking out tiny Skittle bayonets and stabbing him over and over forcing the confused and harried Zimmerman to shoot an unarmed teenage boy.
And somehow, despite his Johnny-Reb-come-lately attempt to corner the KKK bookworm market, he still manages to find a way to be more offensive than the psychopaths who turned George Zimmerman into a cult conservative hero in the first place*. Read the rest of this entry »
I got an old oscilloscope a few years ago because I work on antique guitar amps, and because I didn’t realize how it would freaking ruin my appreciation of science fiction.
The trouble began when I watched Silent Running and saw that my exact model of oscilloscope was in use on the bridge of the Valley Forge, as a sensor to detect distant spacecraft.
I have been unable to use this feature on mine. There is no combination of settings that seems to detect spacecraft at any distance. Hell with you, Silent Running.
Over time, through other movies and TV episodes, I learned that my oscilloscope’s capabilities also include alien language translation, tractor-beaming, and scanning for life forms.
Needless to say, if I can’t detect spaceships, I’m not going to have any aliens to talk to whose space-gibberish needs translating. No combination of settings seems to emit tractor beams. The bushes outside could be rustling with ninjas for all I can tell, scanwise.
Plus, if that life-form-scanning function even worked, how would I know it wasn’t detecting me, earthworms, or even airborne bacteria? You might as well have a device in your home to detect atmospheric nitrogen (or gravity).
So long story short, yesterday I attempted to watch the first episode of Space:1999 only to find Barbara Bain (as Dr. Helena Russell) using my very oscilloscope to detect abnormal brainwave activity among the personnel of Moonbase Alpha.
I’m going to assume without even checking the knob settings and output jacks that this represents YET ONE MORE FRAUD perpetrated upon the science-fiction community by the oscilloscope lobby.
[PS: If the vid doesn't start at 1:20, advance the slider-thingy. KTHX! -Steiner]
“I know all about threats. They’ve come after me, they’ve audited my taxes, they’ve tried to besmirch my reputation, they’ve have tried to attack my character.” -John Fund doing his best Tommy Wiseau impersonation
Yeah, I guess 30+ years after the Feudalistic Right sold everybody the fantasy that if we just hold our breaths and wish hard enough, we can all be lifted up on the 1%’s golden parachutes over the rising floodwaters, there’s not enough rhetoric in the world to make us swallow that horse chestnut one more time. As such, defenders of perpetual serfdom have had to get more creative to argue why workers should continue to get less than the living wage so that a handful of rich douchebags can buy another set of matching Lambourghinis with their record profits.
And who is better suited for creative fictions than a man willing to invent a fake campaign to self-promote himself?
According to boyfriendoftheyear, John Fund, since segregationists occasionally passed laws that benefited people in the name of hurting minorities (probably the only way you can get a conservative to pass a law that benefits another human being who isn’t a rich white douchebag), this somehow makes the Fair Labor Standards Act and all subsequent minimum wage laws triple Calvin Candie evil or something.
No, seriously.
It’s time for conservatives to take the offense against the minimum wage, which has a sordid history rooted in the Jim Crow era. The nation’s first mandated wage floor came during the Great Depression in the form of the Davis-Bacon Act of 1931, which set permissible levels of compensation for any federally financed or assisted construction projects. The “prevailing wage” levels set by Davis-Bacon are, in effect, almost always union wage rates.
I suppose when this argument is appropriately laughed off the stage, John will follow it up by arguing that the mandatory sprinkler system laws passed in the wake of the Triangle Shirtwaist Fire were an attempt to block women from the workplace and therefore work safety laws are sexist.
I know this is a bit late, but I totally see what Jeffrey Goldberg’s doing there:
I bring [Virgin Ben's "Friends of Hamas" smear of Chuck Hagel] up to note the remarkable fact that Mr. Shapiro, who has positioned himself as a stalwart defender of Israel and of the Jewish people, has expressed views that place him squarely in the fascist camp…In a column published in 2003, Shapiro explicitly endorsed the idea of forcibly expelling the Palestinians from the West Bank. This was the position of the extremist Meir Kahane, who was banned by the Israeli Supreme Court from participating in Israeli politics because of his racist views.
The Atlantic’s Jeffrey Goldberg Was a Follower of Jewish Rightwing Terrorist Meir Kahane
Now Goldberg’s using Jennifer “Bili” Rubin in exactly the same way and since we all live in what someone smart called the United States of Amnesia, he’ll get away with it, becoming the Moderate & Reasonable Jeffrey Goldberg.
The gays are responsible for our national debt crisis.
A reader recently complained to the WaPo ombudsman that the WaPo was too nice to gays, that it even included stories about gay people (gasp!) dating. Instead, the reader whined, the WaPo should mention that Billy Graham and the Pope think that two gay men going out for pizza are both just one slice away from damnation and that dating gays eating pizza devalues pizza for normal straight people. When the ombudsman explained that it was only a matter of basic fairness and decency that the WaPo treated gay people like everyone else, well that prompted an outpouring of wingnut hysteria from the like of James Tarantoad at the White Street Journal and David French over at America’s Shittiest Website.™
Tarantoad merely huffs and puffs about the WaPo’s leftist liberal pansy-pandering bias. French, however, takes it to a new level, particularly over the ombudsman saying reporters are merely being libertarian when they treat gays like normal human beings and not the diseased, family-wrecking, drug-addled immoral perverts and pariahs that they are.
It’s astounding how many times liberals say “libertarian” when they really mean “libertine.” In reality, when it comes to sexual politics, the mindset is far more libertine and left than libertarian. They’re libertine when it comes to certain forms of self-indulgence (don’t tell me what I can do with my body!), but they’re leftist when it comes to the consequences (don’t make me bear the costs of my choices! I thought government is that thing we do together!). By contrast, the true libertarian may or may not be personally libertine, but they also do not believe someone else should be compelled to pay the costs of their behavior.
Yes, that’s the problem with gays. If you let them go on dates, they expect you to pay for their pizza. If you let them get married, they demand that the federal government pay for their big gay wedding cake, and their reception and honeymoon, and their cute little townhouse in Gayville. I mean, honestly, what the fuck is this guy talking about? Oh wait, obviously when gay people get married, the taxpayer has to pay for the cost of the marriage license, unlike the marriage licenses issued to straights which are paid for by the, er, same taxpayer. Nevermind.
Of course, the exorbitant demands of the gays that everyone else pay for their gayness, by picking up their their gay bar tabs and paying for their Lady Gaga music download is what is wrecking our economy
The sexually libertine leftist lays the groundwork for cultural and fiscal ruin.
No, really, he actually said that. Gays are to blame for the national debt, not the Congressional Republicans who fought two unnecessary wars on credit.
Subsidizing family destruction creates perverse incentives at the individual level, fosters ever-more destructive behavior, and consequently impairs our economic ability to continue the subsidy as we create a vast and growing pool of state dependents.
You see, when gays get married, they stop work so that they can stay home and fuck all day, then demand welfare benefits, and the next thing you know those millions of non-working, married gays on the dole have added another trillion dollars to the national debt.
Oh, and as the voting pool of dependents grows, reform is ever-more politically difficult.
The problem is not only that we let the gays marry but also, and even worse, we let them vote!
Well, that’s all for now. I’m off to the welfare office to pick up my gayfare check.
As their world crumbles before their very eyes and the social changes they have desperately tried to inoculate themselves against finally bulge and bend against their steel reinforced closets, conservatives have become nostalgic of late. Nostalgic for a time when they could rant like a drunken buffoon about the various inherent villainies of the unprotected underclasses and their poor liberal friends just had to cough their way through it so they wouldn’t be seen as “rude”.
Verbatim (And fuck your boat, we’re going far beyond mangoes tonight!):
I miss the beauty of the world. I miss when things were done well. I miss when every value wasn’t undercut by ideological intent. I miss when people told themselves the truth and knew what was good and what wasn’t. I am sick of the progressive world. I want to celebrate a regressive world without listening to fools cherish every possible change or re-evaluation.
One of the many interesting mutations to develop in the radiation treatment that was this last election was how the various denizens of Wingnuttopia decided to handle their various fuckups with regards to pomp and circumstance.
Specifically, whenever they managed to fuck up something like a debate or a convention, there was suddenly an outpouring of paid hacks to argue that said debates or conventions shouldn’t have ever existed because of the “no fair beating us on our style game, you big poopyheads” rule. Now, some may recognize this approach from their middle school days when some friend of theirs responded to not making the football team or not getting together with a romantic interest by pretending they never even wanted to in the first place and besides the expectations that they should do X type activities is a bunch of bullshit.
Well, luckily for all of us who wanted to live those halcyon days (i.e. literally no one), the right wing are deciding to make it part of their standard response set to what will surely be a long line of failure.
Though it appears the Hagel nomination will be confirmed by the Senate, we who opposed it are still winners for we showed the world that we can smear anyone as an anti-Semitic traitor and totally get away with it.
