• Penance - Ashbury Heights
• Pain - Penance
• Crosses - Penance
• Cold - Penance
• Born to Suffer - Penance
• Bitter - Penance
• Reflections - Penance
• Reaching - Penance
• Dead Already - Penance
• Drown Me... - Penance
• Destroyed by One - Penance
• Proving Ground - Penance
• Penance - Penance
• Soulrot - Penance
• Slipping - Penance
• See The Light - Penance
• Words to Live By - Penance
• Words Not Deeds - Penance
• Transcending - Penance
• Visions - Penance
• The Unseen - Penance
• Not What It Seems - Penance
• New Machine - Penance
• Never Lost - Penance
• Monster I've Become - Penance
• Misgivings - Penance
• Misery Song - Penance
• Love Dies - Penance
• If They Would Cut My Throat Out... - Penance
• Eden Fallen - Penance
• Cloudless - Penance
• Circle #9 - Penance
• Cast in Grey - Penance
• Bleed You - Penance
• A Wayfarer's Tale - Penance
• Wizards of Mind - Penance

Blood is in my eyes
Carnadine forget me nots
Everybody dies
Everybody riots
All our lives are in penance
And penance is all we've got
God is on the news
The moribund ol' sot
Mad and arabesque
Along the riot-lot
All our lives are in penance
And penance is all we've got
It's just a world of hurt
For everyone involved
Penance for a dream
There's nothing fair about it
No forgiving traits that I can see
We have made ourselves
Images of God
Can't you tell?
Holy polaroid snapshots
Of a Summer Spent in Hell
The Devil prance around
Like the cock of the walk
Imitating sounds
From the human talk
All our lives are in penance
And penance is all we've got
Love is making noise
Once a valiant goal
But all the girls & boys
Has made the loving foul
All our lives are in penance

[Music: Smail]
[Lyrics: Smail]
Emotions rise like wisps of smoke
Too soon to dissipate
Warm days now blowing colder
Sunny days all turn to grey
Solitude can bring on peace
Or a piece of loneliness
Drifting on a jaded sea
Losing what I thought was me
The sound of silence is deafening
Screaming from every pore
Overwhelming me
Don't want to feel no more
Holding hope when there's none
Living in a world of no love
Crying out in vain
The only thing that's left is...
PAIN
I've come to know you so many times
In so many ways
The more things change the more they stay the same
Oh how I love this little game
What delight! In the dead of night
With you at my side
I've come to love this feeling of
What you bring to me inside
Lying, writhing this agony
From the depths of night
I lay my head in solitude
Like I'm the only one alive
Reserve myself to the fact
That nothing's ever gonna change
Embrace this hell I know so well
Oh how I love you PAIN
Nothing lasts
And nothing is real
Nothing lasts
Life is surreal

[Music: Smail/Weston]
[Lyrics: Smail]
Life's so fast, got to make it last
You've got to let your feelings show
Don't have all the answers to cure life's cancer
I've been around enough to know
Life... another cross that we bear
Hope... amidst the pain and despair
Release your pain
World's a mess, we've got to do our best
Try and clot the world's wounds bleeding
We've got to fight, hard is the path to right
Winning's not worth it if it's easy
Life... another cross that we bear
Hope... amidst the pain and despair
Release your pain
I'm out in the world without a home
I'm scared but not alone
I don't know where to go
But I know where I'm going
It's got to be me and you
With a little love we can make it through

I've opened myself up
Exposed my vulnerability
Yet all you can do is sit there in silence
Leaving me empty
God forbid you should show some emotion
God forbid you should ease my pain
God forbid you allowed me security
That all my words have not been in vain
Goddamn you for silently choking me
Goddamn you you've frozen my soul
Goddamn you for keeping me hanging on
I burned for you yet you remained cold
I've risked much to love you
Yet you're content to take without giving
Drink in all my love
So smug in the knowledge
Like a fool I'll keep coming back again
God forbid you should open your eyes up
God forbid you should look at what's true
God forbid you attempted to right the wrongs
Of all the hell you're putting me through
Goddamn you for silently choking me
Goddamn you you've frozen my soul
Goddamn you for keeping me hanging on
I burned for you yet you remained cold

[Music: Smail/Weston/Goodbread]
[Lyrics: Smail/Weston/Goodbread]
All this suffering yet I cannot feel it
Words of consolation I bring to you
I am torn by grief and sorrow
For me there's no tomorrow
Hiding under your shroud of security
For your peace of mind
I've lived and learned with gifts bestowed on me
But I was left behind
I reach for you but you're illusion
Please excuse me for my intrusion
Once hopeful but now just living
Why must I be punished for giving
Youth memories that once had sheltered me
Kill me in the end
Born to suffer live by standard die in despair
Born to suffer again
Who are your heroes? Where are the morals?
Somewhere in limbo but surely not here
Can't you see my misery maybe tomorrow I'll be all right
Blasphemy and irony of a world on it's knees
Reality's gain is my loss, until a change
I will suffer

[Music: Smail]
[Lyrics: Balich]
When the night is gettin' old
And the air is gettin' colder
You know I'll never fold up
I turn my back on fear...
As I lie awake alone
And the voices come to taunt me
Every night another haunting
Driving me beyond my years...
When sleep finally flies me away
Under crimson clouds of pain
All my regrets have taken shape
As bitter tears that fall like rain
Hey - I think I'm ready
To confront the things in life that are haunting me
Hey - If it takes me all my days
I'll drive away the bitter tears of pain
Phantoms of what could have been
Now come to tempt my soul to sin
Dark purple mountains of misery
Bring the weight of the world on me
Hey - I think I'm ready
To confront the things in life that are haunting me
Hey - If it takes me all my days
I'll drive away the bitter tears of pain
So tired of the pain - the never ending strain
It's time I made the change
It's time to rearrange...
'Cause I - I think I'm ready
To confront the things in life that are haunting me
Hey - If it takes me all my days
I'll drive away the bitter tears of...
Pain

[Music: Weston]
[Lyrics: Smail]
Looking at changes beyond my control with hesitation
Setting in my life new goals - a liberation
Making my way blindly through life I see what I can
Sooner than later life takes its toll - a boy to a man
Wait - I see a chance at the window
Fate - mustn't always decide
I'll follow through with or without you
But I will be all right
Starting over isn't easy
It gets tougher every time, but to
Live and learn without getting burned
Is like not living at all

It's on the wings of sin that I've been flying
And your face is the sun that I have touched
And in the gardens of delight where I've been lying
Suddenly there's darkness instead of love
And now Eden's gonna fall
It's you that I looked to, to heal this heartache
And for a time you answered all my prayers
I was all too blind now Eden's fallen
My paradise was lost leaving me in tears
And now Eden's gonna fall

[Music: Weston]
[Lyrics: Balich]
Crawling through your mind
A cancer on the inside
Spreading sickness 'til no life remains
You let me gain a foothold
Now, I'll never let go
I will choke your spirit down to its last breath
You are dead already
I'm just placing pennies on your eyes
I'm the immoral
The one corrupting your soul
But my work's made easier with a some help from you
Your fear of living
Led you to your end
What is life, my friend, when you only look to death?
You are dead already
I'm just placing pennies on your eyes
Broken... Dying... Rotting
Your life is nothing!
Broken... Dying... Rotting
Your life's worth nothing!

The memory lives in me to this day
I awake that morning to sorrow and to pain
I stand silent amidst the cries
Told your soul's been called
Robbed of all your guidance
When it was needed most
Drown me in a sea of empty
Deliver me to nothingness
Beyond the door where pain can't reach me
Drown me in a sea of empty
Never one to voice my pain so I tucked it away
And tears I never cried sit with me to this day
Sometimes I wish I couldn't feel
I'd feel your loss no more
Rip out my emotions
Cast them to nevermore
Drown me in a sea of empty
Deliver me to nothingness
Beyond the door where pain can't reach me
Drown me in a sea of empty
[Refrain]

[Music: Smail]
[Lyrics: Smail]
As I lay here my lifeblood is flowing
Can you feel all of the pain I'm knowing
Cannot understand but still I know feelings
Your frightful existence has me reeling
What importance do I hold for you
Just a status symbol of the things you do
You can rationalize your reasons
You can twist the twisted truth
To me that doesn't matter much
I'm hanging by your views
You cannot see the things I'd be
Or hear what I've to say
But you take it upon yourself
To take my life away
I can feel your pain
I'm to lose and you're to gain
The shape of things to come
Destroyed by one
Innocent and pure
Selfish thoughts are all too sure
Why must it end this way?
Where's my say?

[Music: Weston/Smail]
[Lyrics: Weston/Balich]
Obsessed with this therapy
It's a reflection of self
My motivation is clear
It's just how I felt
This machine that I've created
Really pulls me through
Like no other
For no other
It's just for me... maybe you
Sometimes I'm on the outside
Looking in on empty lives
I may not think like you
I've got my own mind
Cause in the end all the matters
Is that I've lived life my own way
And that I can look myself in the mirror
In the end will you say the same?
I feel at home... In my own... Proving Ground
I feel at home... In my own... Proving Ground
Obsessed with this therapy
It's a reflection of self
My motivation is clear
It's just how I felt
This machine that I've created
Really pulls me through
Like no other
For no other
It's just for me... maybe you
I feel at home... In my own... Proving Ground
I feel at home... In my own... Proving Ground

[Music: Weston/Smail/Freund]
[Lyrics: Smail]
Sit and watch the world, I contemplate
Existence ill legitimate, a quirk of fate
Is man of God or just Nature's folly
Still with intelligence, we all are crawling
One step forward and two steps back
Bring man's destined descent into black
What does existence hold for me
A mutation of what man conceives
Did you ever step back and look at yourself
You might not like what you see
And with each dawn that brings a new day's breath
For most it means life, but for me it means death
Man is a paradox drowning in irony
The world is chained to man's reality
Can't you see
It wasn't meant to be
Not you or me
Humanity......You're killing me

[Music: Lawrence]
[Lyrics: Lawrence]
I can't right my course
Could it be any worse?
Don't want to be, A slave to monotony
A life without a dream is living a wasted life
No dream, no hope, no time, no wife
The longer the wait, the more the hesitancy
Must get away soon or this place is the end of me
Ambition, Complacency
Half full , Half empty
The watchful eyes, have guided me
But now is the time, to be free
Optimism, my dear friend
Our life is mine, until the end
Complicated course
What could be the source
Don't want to think, Just want to sleep
Something calling and bringing me back again
Sounds like music, who cares how and when
A road less traveled that some can't find
Don't look at me because the answer's inside
Relations, Strained
Half empty, Half drained

[Music: Weston]
[Lyrics: Weston]
I, too, hear the cracking
The fury of the wind
The sound of everything crumbling
And fear it will not mend
You are one I've known forever
Yet your face has changed
Your soul is somehow different
Its aura rearranged
I've let too much slip through
And dread you'll finally see
This darkness I've been hiding
Deep inside of me
My total lust for chaos
and confusion that I feel
Pain, suffering, and misery
And demons all too real
The end is drawing near
And no one seems to care
Things have come and gone before
There's no need to shed a tear
All the warnings go ignored
As the final curtain falls
I feel nothing and I fear the same
As I stare straight into the sun

All you feel is pain
Huddled there in the dark
Looking for the last bad reason
To end it all
Well I've been watching you
In your self made hell
And you don't see the pain
You cause yourself
Won't you see the light?
Won't you see the light?
In a world of pain
There is always a way
Reach inside yourself
For the keys to a brighter day
And if you're ever afraid
Know that I'm by your side
You won't travel alone
I'll help you find the light
Won't you see the light?
Won't you see the light?

[Music: Weston/Smail]
[Lyrics: Smail]
Cosmic pillars stand I'm my way
Shooting stars soon fall
Airtight blackness everywhere
You cry and I'm appalled
Vortex spins
Without fear
End of all
Is drawing near
Screaming shards rip into me
Others I can't feel
Lookin' 'round parallel corners
Distorting what is real
Hear your call
In the night
Right is wrong
And wrong is right
You talk in riddles I speak in rhyme
But yet the sun that never sets still ceases to shine
Reality fades in dreams of regret
I cannot remember but will never forget
The past is my present, the future's a lie
These are words to live by

[Music: Weston/Smail]
[Lyrics: Smail]
What is real and what is fantasy
Are you who you are or what you want to be
Your kind breeds conceit
Fact and fiction conceived
You don't know you only see
Words not deeds
A perceived perception or factual entity
All you know is who I'm supposed to be
Your kind breeds conceit
Fact and fiction conceived
You don't know you only see
Words not deeds
Adding more fuel to the lie that you fire
I'm living the truth while you're projecting a liar

[Music: Weston/Leard/Smail]
[Lyrics: Balich/Smail]
The astral doors are opening
Bidding me to step on through
A cosmic finger points the way
Past skies of black and seas of doom
Transcending now this mortal form
Solar sailing on stellar waves
My soul has gone beyond time itself
Mind expanding through celestial terrain
Distant landscapes appear - yet I have no fear
Spinning through the vortex of mystic light and sound
The answers lie before me the questions yet to be found
Lost and found adrift in a lunar sea
Looking down at Earth and the life I used to lead
Myriad dreams in multi-color
Leading me past Saturn's rings
Translucid spectrum like no other
Secrets of God unraveling

[Music: Weston/Freund]
[Lyrics: Smail]
Envisioned fear
I dream of you
My time is drawing near
To bring me through
Are you heaven sent?
Or a messenger from hell?
How can I tell?
How can I tell?
Sweetly smiling
Or mocking jest
Tenderly beguiling
As I await my final breath
This time I've crossed the line for good
Won't go back even if I could
Now I have all the answers
But I can't tell

[Music: Lawrence/Weston]
[Lyrics: Lawrence]
Do you believe in me; I don't think you can
A mind too small to see, through the obvious...
Unperiled extremes of inner fright
Blocked from view of unborn sight
Of things not whole and yet complete
Of all things that are seen and unseen
You mock you stand so tall; where is the need
You beg ; You lose ; You crawl, Once it hits the
Hour of darkness falls upon you now
It's time to believe somehow
The voice of anguish closes in
If I'd have listened, I might never have been
Vile misconceptions
Prey upon your thoughts of corruption
See it stand so tall
Blatant and unforgiving
Is what you are
Faith in the darkness
Alone I stand, in mind
Can't turn back time
Your world; Your Dreams; Your life, all for nothing...
But there is joy and peace to be
Splendour built in harmony
I can't live my life to what's been
I dream alone in thoughts of the unseen

[Music: Weston/Smail]
[Lyrics: Lawrence]
You pretend to be my friend
But you can't make that which isn't real
You fill your mind with facts
But you will never get the feel
It's not quite right
You're not what you seem
One part false
Two parts obscene
Back stabbing hypocrite
Won't let you scandalize my name
You want my confidence
But no two things you say are ever the same
You're not quite right
It's not what it seems
Social status
Human obscene
Yours is no sacrifice
It's all a worthless slice
Of conversation for the day
Mine is paradise
Upon which there is no price
Of that you mock and betray
And you're telling me
What it is I need
I don't have a clue
How can you?
I know what's real
Or at least I can feel
Vengeance is mine
In due time

Here I stand looking into you
No need to tell me what you're going through
Cause man I've been there myself
When life dealt out pain
I'd swallow it and hold it in
Then I learned to unlock the scream
Buried deep within
Now parts standing still are moving
Reborn as a new machine
Here I stand looking into myself
Reflecting on the times that I conquered hell
Prides swelling up within me
I hold the keys to lock away the stress and strain
I'll change the color of the rain
I've learned I hold that power
Power of a new machine
Living as a new machine

[Music: Weston]
[Lyrics: Smail]
All through life
Whatever I've been dealt
I've taken it in stride
And I've always felt
Sure of myself
Confident with pride
Rode through it all
Grounded from inside
Always
Even through
The adversity
I never let the pain
Break the will in me
It made me stronger
Set more my beliefs
All I have is what I am
And that's all I'll ever need
Always
Stand your ground
With yourself intact
Surround yourself with love
It always comes back
Always
Always

[Music: Weston/Smail]
[Lyrics: Smail/Weston]
From the inside looking out
Distorts what I'm about
Strains from emptiness
Change to bitterness
You have turned me
To what you thought I was
I don't care now
The past is now the past
The scars inside don't heal
The pain no more can I feel
I'm callous, alone, but unafraid
For better or worse I've changed
Product of what you've taught
You'll feel the things you thought
The path I now lead
Is wrath along with greed
Represent what I resent
You are all that I despise
Feeding from what I've become
Can't stop even if I tried
Glory bound or the fool crown
It's all just the same
I thank you now you showed me how
You've made my name

[Music: Smail]
[Lyrics: Smail]
Out of the blackness
Comes the saving light
Lifts me on wings
To a dizzying height
I can't believe it
I know I need it
Revel in feelings
Of borrowed time
Taking for granted
The things I thought were mine
Time is coming near
The day that I fear
It's just a matter of time
You give me feelings
I can't replace
Inevitable way
Darkness has its day
Like a child to the grave
My future is paved
All I can do is wait...

If you could see the world
In the same light as I do
But you don't
So you can't and you won't
You'll never understand my views
And I don't care
You can't relate
I'm past the point of hate
And you know it
I've got my heart on my sleeve
For you to love or hate
Put up or shut up
I ain't got time to wait no more
I ain't gonna waste my time
To see if your water turns to wine
A perfect picture hanging on a crooked wall
A house of cards just waiting to fall
The gilded keys are the way to hell
For you to buy or sell
But you can never tell
And I'm laughing
You know I can't resist
Gonna roll over you like you never existed
I smile while all the while
I'll put you up just to tear you down
Bleeding hearts only beat so long
I won't sing your misery song
No more

A bleaker day I've never seen
Reality has settled in
Cause when I look at you I'm sick inside
When I think that what we shared has died
Love dies... only pain survives
The cruelest of all illusions
Darkest of all deceptions
I naively believed that love transcends years
Now I gaze in terror as it disappears
Love dies... only pain survives
Love dies

[Music: Weston]
[Instrumental]

Reaching for the heavens
But my hands are full of holes
The holes in my hands
Won't let me grasp the stars
Reaching for the heavens
But my hands are full of holes
The holes in my hands
Won't let me grasp the stars
So long I've been a dreamer
My head high up in the sky
But my wings wetted down
Would never let me fly
My arms are growing weary
Stardust in my eyes
My heart full of envy
Longing to be satisfied
Reaching for glory
Reaching for the sun
Reaching for the magic
That will make me one with the gods
Reaching for the heavens
But my hands are full of holes
The holes in my hands
Won't let me grasp the stars
For years my spirits traveled
Round the circles of beyond
It never will rest
It will carry on

[Music: Weston]
[Lyrics: Weston]
Breathing in this life I'm livin' yeah
The taste is bitter sweet
All the hardships endured
I anticipate
The time when I'm solid
Looking past the downpours
To a day that's cloudless
Now, each day I pray
The turmoil will pass
I'm hoping that today is the day
That there'll be no more stress
Or any pain
And I will hear your laughter once again
Looking past the downpours
To a day that's cloudless
Now the darkness has gone
And we've said goodbye
But I won't forget no matter how I try
And today is so bright
And your smile's like the sun
Bringing the world back to life again
I've weathered the storms
And today is cloudless

[Music: Weston]
[Lyrics: Balich]
This mortal path I tread its trials are killing me
As swirling winds of change now blow inside of me
And clouds of ash have blinded eyes that once could see
The path to happiness that lies in front of me
Looking down at circle number nine
Where my soul will fly
Circle number nine
The temporary light you've shown upon my heart
Kaleidoscoping stars obscure the obvious
The longer I embrace that which can never be
The more the tongues of fire reach out to lash at me
Looking down at circle number nine
Where my soul will fly
Circle number nine
I'm looking out from circle number nine?
Where my soul resides
Circle number nine
Looking up from circle number nine?
Where my soul resides
Circle number nine...

[Music: Smail/Weston]
[Lyrics: Smail]
Gaunt figures of a dismal world
Cast in grey with tattered flags unfurled
Gone beyond just me and you
The perfect symmetry of being ripped in two
Blue is the color of life
While you're cast in grey
All the years of tomorrow
That are gone today
Pallid shadows of a sight unseen
Revealing truths of the machine
Gossamer wings that could never fly
Paint new horizons for you and I
Blue is the color of life
While you're cast in grey
All the years of tomorrow
That are gone today
Heaven sends
And Hell awaits
With patience
Smile at you with rage
As I emerge from
Hatred
Lying in wait unbridled fury
Laced with self-titled glory
Crimson tides and ashen dreams
Will rise above make you believe
Moonlight backdrop of one dimension
Multi-layers of my invention
Weaving spells cast to the wind
Reliving things that could have been

[Music: Smail/Weston]
[Lyrics: Balich]
Sometimes I wanna cut myself
So you'll flow out of my veins
The kiss that tainted my blood
Is beating down my heart again
I want to bleed you from my heart
I want to bleed you from my veins
I want to kill you... in my mind
I want to bleed away the pain
These days the colors fade to grey
All my hope and dreams now melt away
Lost soul in turmoil crying out
I'm wrenching out my guts again
I want to bleed you from my heart
I want to bleed you from my veins
I want to kill you... in my mind
I want to bleed away the pain
Why won't you die???

[Music: Weston/Lawrence]
[Lyrics: Lawrence]
Hear me now, my tale to be told
Of dreams of greed and sins of old
The tide breaks calm and closes in
The sails catch wind my tale begins...
Journey out to sea, Lust and greed follow me
Ride the path to shame, Winds of deceit call my name
Shipwreck of centuries old, Festival of long dead gold
Innocents not long on life, But long to die for my pleasure
Ahead lies the monstrosity
Unveiled in glory for me to see
So sad a fate so many should die
But no more deserved for one such as I
Footstep through the dread, Torn limbs and flesh now shred
Gather together the jewels, From this ship of fools
More lost souls rise from the depths of the sea
And surround me on the shore
"Gamble your soul for this chest of gold
Or dwell with us now and forever more"
I grab for life, a run for gold
The wind's with me, the sails take hold
I am the man, Who cheated death
With new found wealth, and tainted breath
I hear the limbs scrape below
Life breaks surface with death in tow
And now I've learned too late to see
I dwell below for now and eternity

So long I've searched for answers to my life
The great mystery of being
I've yearned for validation from without
When I should have looked within
In every mind resides the soul, the second self
The you so seldom known
The you that holds the light to cut the blackness
You were born into long ago
We are all the wizards of our minds
And we each can work the spell
To open gates of deeper understanding
And to storm the gates of fate itself