An intimate relationship is a particularly close interpersonal relationship, and the term is sometimes used euphemistically for a sexual relationship. The characteristics of an intimate relationship include an enduring behavioral interdependence, repeated interactions, emotional attachment and need fulfillment. Intimate relationships include friendships, dating relationships, and marital relationships and there are individual differences in both the quality and quantity of these relationships. Several stages in intimate relationships have been identified: the beginning or development stages (e.g., attraction and dating), relational maintenance and repair (e.g., forgiveness), relational stressors (e.g., conflict and betrayal), and relational termination (e.g., models of dissolution).
Intimate relationships play a central role in the overall human experience. Humans have a universal need to belong and to love which is satisfied within an intimate relationship. Intimate relationships consist of the people that we are attracted to, whom we like and love, romantic and sexual relationships, and those whom we marry and provide and receive emotional and personal support from. As an adjective, "intimate" indicates detailed knowledge of a thing or person (e.g. "an intimate knowledge of engineering" and "an intimate relationship between two people").
In human relationships, the meaning and level of intimacy varies within and between relationships. In anthropological research, intimacy is considered the product of a successful seduction, a process of rapport building that enables parties to confidently disclose previously hidden thoughts and feelings. Intimate conversations become the basis for 'confidences' (secret knowledge) that bind people together. Developing an intimate relationship typically takes a considerable amount of time (months and years, rather than days or weeks) and both anthropologists and zoologists have tracked the subliminal changes in body language as rapport develops between two or more people.
To sustain intimacy for any length of time requires well developed emotional and interpersonal awareness. Intimacy requires an ability to be both separate and together participants in an intimate relationship. This is called self-differentiation. It results in a connection in which there is an emotional range involving both robust conflict, and intense loyalty. Lacking the ability to differentiate oneself from the other is a form of symbiosis, a state that is different from intimacy, even if feelings of closeness are similar.
From a center of self knowledge and self differentiation intimate behavior joins family, close friends as well as those with whom one is in love. It evolves through reciprocal self-disclosure and . Poor skills in developing of intimacy can lead to getting too close too quickly; struggling to find the boundary and to sustain connection; being poorly skilled as a friend, rejecting self-disclosure or even rejecting friendships and those who have them.
Scholars distinguish between different forms of intimacy, principally: emotional intimacy and physical intimacy. Emotional intimacy, particularly in sexual relationships, typically develops after physical bonds have been established. 'Falling in love', however, has both a biochemical dimension, driven through reactions in the body stimulated by sexual attraction (PEA), and a social dimension driven by 'talk' that follows from regular physical closeness and/or sexual union.
It is worth distinguishing intimate (communal) relationships from strategic (exchange) relationships. Physical intimacy occurs in the latter but it is governed by a higher order strategy, of which the other person may not be aware. One example is getting close to someone in order to get something from them or give them something. That 'something' might not be offered so freely if it did not appear to be an intimate exchange and if the ultimate strategy had been visible at the outset. Mills and Clark (1982) found that strategic (exchange) relationships are fragile and easily break down when there is any level of disagreement. Emotionally intimate (communal) relationships are much more robust and can survive considerable (and even ongoing) disagreements.
In new relationships, sexual intimacy may develop slowly and in a predictable way. Research by Desmond Morris, a behavioral psychologist, found that most new relationships followed 12 predictable steps on the path to sexual intimacy. Couples that rushed through the steps or skipped steps were most likely to break up. The 12 steps he identified (in order) are:
Eye to Body, Eye to Eye, Voice to Voice, Hand to Hand, Arm to Shoulder, Arm to Waist, Mouth to Mouth, Hand to Head, Hand to Body, Mouth to Breast, Hand to Genitals, and finally, Sexual Intercourse.
Physical and emotional intimacy
Love is an important factor in physical and emotional intimate relationships. Though the term is notoriously difficult to define, any thoughtful inquiry into the subject will show it to be qualitatively, not only quantitatively, different than liking, and the difference is not merely in the presence or absence of sexual attraction. There are two types of love in a relationship; passionate love and companionate love. With companionate love, potent feelings diminish but are enriched by warm feelings of attachment, an authentic and enduring bond, a sense of mutual commitment, the profound knowledge that you are caring for another person who is in turn caring for you, feeling proud of a mate's accomplishment, and the satisfaction that comes from sharing goals and perspective. In contrast, passionate love is marked by infatuation, intense preoccupation with the partner, strong sexual longing, throes of ecstasy, and feelings of exhilaration that come from being reunited with the partner.
People who are in an intimate relationship with one another are often called a couple, especially if the members of that couple have ascribed some degree of permanency to their relationship. Such couples often provide the emotional security that is necessary for them to accomplish other tasks, particularly forms of labor or work.
History of intimate relationships
Ancient philosophers: Aristotle
Ancient philosophers mused over ideas of marital satisfaction, faithfulness, beauty and jealousy although their concepts and understandings were often inaccurate or misleading.
1880s to early 1900s
Modern
psychology and
sociology began to emerge in the late 19th century. During this time theorists often included relationships into their current areas of research and began to develop new foundations which had implications in regards to the analysis of intimate relationships. examined the
traits and
habits of
children in selecting a
friend. Some of the
attributes included in the study were
kindness,
cheerfulness and
honesty.
Monroe asked 2336 children aged 7 to 16 to identify "what kind of chum do you like best?" The results of the study indicate that children preferred a friend that was their own age, of the same sex, same in size physically, a friend with light features (hair and eyes), friends that did not engage in
conflict, someone that was kind to
animals and
humans and finally that they were honest. The two characteristics that children reported as least important included
wealth and
religion.
The study by Monroe was the first to mark the significant shift in the study of intimate relationships from analysis that was primarily philosophical to those with empirical validity.
1960s and 1970s
An important shift was taking place in the field of
social psychology that influenced the research of intimate relationships. Up until the late 1950s, the majority of studies were non-experimental.
By the end of the 1960s more than half of the articles published involved some sort of experimental manipulation.
The 60’s was also a time when there was a shift in
methodology within the psychological discipline itself. Participants consisted mostly of college students, experimental methods and research was being conducted in
laboratories and the
experimental method was the dominant methodology in
social psychology.
Experimental manipulation within the research of intimate relationships demonstrated that relationships could be studied scientifically.
This shift brought relationship science to the attention of scholars in other disciplines and has resulted in the study of intimate relationships being an international multidiscipline.
1980s to 2000s
In the early 1980s the first conference of the International Network of Personal Relationships (INPR) was held. Approximately 300 researchers from all parts of the world attended the conference.
In March 1984, the first journal of Social and Personal Relationships was published.
In the early 1990s the INPR split off into two groups, however in April 2004 the two organizations rejoined and became the International Association for Relationship Research (IARR).
2010s
Today the study of intimate relationships (relationship science) uses participants from diverse samples and examines a wide variety of topics that include family relations,
friendships and romantic relationships usually over a long period of time.
The current study of intimate relationships includes the both the positive aspects of relationships as well as negative or unpleasant aspects.
Current research being conducted by John Gottman and his colleagues involves inviting married couples into a pleasant setting, in which they revisit the disagreement that caused their last argument. Although the participants are aware that they are being videotaped, they soon become so absorbed in the interaction that they forget they are being recorded.
Another current area of research within the intimate relationships is being conducted by Terri Orbuch and Joseph Veroff (2002). They are monitoring newlywed couples using self-reports over a long period of time (longitudinal). Participants are required to provide extensive reports about the nature and the status of their relationships.
The intimate partners
Terms for partners in intimate relationships include:
* Boyfriend/Girlfriend
Confidant or confidante
Family member
Friend
Life partner/Partner
Spouse
Mistress
Significant other
Companion
See also
Free Union
Intimacy
Love
Marriage
Romance
Sexual partner
Human sexuality
Significant other
Dating
Polyamory
Monogamy
Polygamy
References
External links
International Association for Relationship Research
Process of Adaption in Intimate Relationships
Category:Interpersonal relationships
