Ally McBeal

Ally McBeal and Billy Thomas were going steady throughout their childhoods. Ally even followed Billy to Harvard law school despite having no interest in law. But when Billy chose to pursue a career in law away from Ally, their relationship came to an end. In the present, an old classmate of Ally's named Richard Fish gives Ally a job at his law firm, where Billy and his new wife are also working. This puts Ally in a predicament since she still has feelings for Billy which she's laboring to get over. At the office, Ally puts up with a nosy, gossiping secretary named Elaine, and an oddball lawyer named John Cage never seems to lose a case. At home, Ally's friend and house-mate Renée regularly advises her on her love life. The series follows Ally's trials and tribulations in life through her eyes, and caricaturizes her personal thoughts and fantasies.

Cast

• Calista Flockhart
• Courtney Thorne-Smith
• Greg Germann
• Lisa Nicole Carson
• Jane Krakowski
• Vonda Shepard
• Portia de Rossi
• Lucy Liu
• Peter MacNicol
• Gil Bellows
• James LeGros
• Robert Downey Jr.
• Albert Hall
• Regina Hall

• Season 1
• Episode 1: Pilot
  Ally McBeal, attractive recent graduate from Harvard Law School, is harassed at work by a senior ass...
• Episode 2: Compromising Positions
  Ally McBeal: It doesn't matter that I'm not in a relationship. Sometimes I feel like I'm just being ...
• Episode 3: The Kiss
  Ally senses Cheanie is hiding something when he avoids kissing her after their first official date. ...
• Episode 4: The Affair
  Ally is asked to be a pallbearer at the funeral of her ex-law professor who also happens to be her e...
• Episode 5: One Hundred Tears Away
  Ally is arrested for assault and attempted shoplifting after an altercation with a hostile woman at ...
• Episode 6: The Promise
  Ally McBeal: I just got this piano. And sometimes I sing the song called "Goodnight my someone". And...
• Episode 7: The Attitude
  USA...
• Episode 8: Drawing the Lines
  USA...
• Episode 9: The Dirty Joke
  USA...
• Episode 10: Boy to the World
  Ally is forced to defend a young prostitute up on her third solicitation charge. Much to Ally's surp...
• Episode 11: Silver Bells
  [about a threesome]::Ally McBeal: Relationships should go in twos. Or at least in even numbers....
• Episode 12: Cro-Magnon
  The famous dancing baby makes his first appearance in Season 1's 11th episode "Cro-Magnon"....
• Episode 13: The Blame Game
  Ally gives Glenn, the model from the sculpting class, the cold shoulder during a chance encounter at...
• Episode 14: Body Language
  Season 1's 13th episode "Body Language" is the first not to be solely written by series creator Davi...
• Episode 15: Once in a Lifetime
  Billy: Will you ever forgive my letting go?::Ally McBeal: I'll forgive it. But I'm still not sure I'...
• Episode 16: Forbidden Fruits
  A high-profile case opens up for Cage and Fish when a jilted spouse plans to sue a U.S. Senator for ...
• Episode 17: Theme of Life
  Georgia, Ally, and Renée sign up for kickboxing classes to relieve stress. As luck would have it, Ge...
• Episode 18: The Playing Field
  Tracey tells Ally to fight the dancing baby. But Greg and Ally get in an accident, Ally is distracte...
• Episode 19: Happy Birthday, Baby
  Ally is turning 28. That is upsetting enough to her but Elaine wants to throw a party at the bar for...
• Episode 20: The Inmates
  Season 1's 20th episode "The Inmates" was a crossover with the hit legal drama "The Practice". Featu...
• Episode 21: Being There
  John and Ally are defending Renee for her life and career. Renee is upset with John over his antics ...
• Episode 22: Alone Again
  A convicted felon tried to escape from jail, and John and Ally are defending him. However, the DA on...
• Episode 23: These Are the Days
  John's second cousin assaults happy people. In court, his defense will be to baffle the witnesses an...
• Season 2
• Episode 1: The Real World
  Feeling nervous that the firm is not making enough money, Fish and Cage decide to hire another assoc...
• Episode 2: They Eat Horses, Don't They?
  Ally McBeal: [on her wardrobe] Men are constantly trying to mentally un-dress me. I'm just trying to...
• Episode 3: Fools Night Out
  Reverend Mark Newman: [to Lisa Knowles] You're the best woman I've ever known......
• Episode 4: It's My Party
  Billy Thomas (Bellows, Gil): Ally, do you really want to be known as the mini-skirt attorney?::Ally ...
• Episode 5: Story of Love
  Richard Fish: What do you mean she got arrested?::Billy Thomas: She wasn't that clear. Evidently, sh...
• Episode 6: World's Without Love
  John and Ally think they must be magnets for crazy cases when they are defending a nun who had sex. ...
• Episode 7: Happy Trails
  USA...
• Episode 8: Just Looking
  When Ling is sued for owning a mud wrestling club, Richard gets Ally, Georgia and Nelle to defend he...
• Episode 9: You Never Can Tell
  [Ally, Georgia, and Billy arguing with Richard]::Richard Fish: Hold on! Quiet! Let me ignore you one...
• Episode 10: Making Spirits Bright
  It's Christmas time at Cage and Fish, and Elaine is preparing for the office party and John is tryin...
• Episode 11: In Dreams
  Ally's favorite teacher from high school is dying, but she has a wonderful dream life which she woul...
• Episode 12: Love Unlimited
  Richard and Ally passionately defend a woman whose husband is seeking an annulment to their 9-year m...
• Episode 13: Angels and Blimps
  When Ally is visiting Greg in the hospital, she meets a boy dying of leukemia who wants to sue God. ...
• Episode 14: Pyramids on the Nile
  Richard hires Ling, and Billy, Ally and Georgia want to band together so they don't lose the firm to...
• Episode 15: Sideshow
  Dr. Tracey Clark: Ally, every patient who comes in this office thinks they are the world's biggest l...
• Episode 16: Sex, Lies and Politics
  USA...
• Episode 17: Civil War
  USA...
• Episode 18: Those Lips, That Hand
  John and Ally are on a murder case, but to Ally turning 29 is much, much worse. John is turning 35 a...
• Episode 19: Let's Dance
  With the help of Barry White, John has changed. Nelle doesn't see it, but Renee does and agrees to g...
• Episode 20: Only the Lonely
  Elaine's face bra invention should make her rich and famous, instead she has to get a lawyer. Ally d...
• Episode 21: The Green Monster
  Ally misses Greg, but when her loneliness gives Ling a headache, Ling hires one of her escorts (a re...
• Episode 22: Love's Illusions
  Ally McBeal: I'm taking a straw poll, do any of you believe you're going to find *the* one, your one...
• Episode 23: I Know Him by Heart
  Margaret Camaro: I don't condemn you for wanting somebody to love. I guess I just reject the notion ...
• Season 3
• Episode 1: Car Wash
  It's the season of over-sexed women at Cage & Fish. Ally has just had a spontaneous sexual fling in ...
• Episode 2: Buried Pleasures
  Ally and Ling decide to try and be friends, but lesbian urges over-take them and they decide to have...
• Episode 3: Seeing Green
  Tracey's replacement, Dr. Flott, is a pill-pushing septuagenarian, and thinks Ally needs to be on Pr...
• Episode 4: Heat Wave
  There's a new Billy in town and he's not foolin' 'round, so Georgia meets an older man at the bar. H...
• Episode 5: Troubled Water
  It's Thanksgiving, and Ally has invited everybody to her place, but the number of affairs that have ...
• Episode 6: Changes
  [Fishism]::Richard Fish: John, if you don't like who you are, if you're truly unhappy with your life...
• Episode 7: Saving Santa
  Ally McBeal: I'm asking. Are you OK?::Georgia Thomas: Fine! I just went on this new diet. I lost 170...
• Episode 8: Blue Christmas
  Elaine becomes a mother when she finds a real, live baby abandoned in a Christmas nativity display. ...
• Episode 9: Out in the Cold
  Richard Fish: You could have at least TRIED to be sympathetic.::Ling Woo: I was under oath!::Richard...
• Episode 10: Just Friends
  Richard Fish: She said that?::John "The Biscuit" Cage: Yes!::Richard Fish: Well, so, she had a dream...
• Episode 11: Over the Rainbow
  Georgia blames Cage & Fish for the new Billy, and is suing the firm for the break-up of their marria...
• Episode 12: In Search of Pygmies
  Wanting a date, Ally rear-ends a guy, literally. But when that dating prospect comes to a shrieking ...
• Episode 13: Pursuit of Loneliness
  Ally McBeal: You own a store?::Hammond Deering: And three others....
• Episode 14: The Oddball Parade
  Richard Fish: Objection! Your Honor, this is boring!...
• Episode 15: Prime Suspect
  Paul Potts the clapping "oddball" is the prime suspect in a murder case and when all evidence points...
• Episode 16: Boy Next Door
  Billy Alan Thomas: [during his summation] Last month, two people who never met got married on nation...
• Episode 17: I Will Survive
  After Billy's death, Ally is being chased by Gloria Gaynor and disco, and Richard has gone out and g...
• Episode 18: Turning Thirty
  It's Ally's thirtieth birthday, and Elaine wants to throw a party at the bar with everybody singing ...
• Episode 19: Do You Wanna Dance?
  Ally has donned an Internet persona to meet a man on-line and when she and Mark are in court, Ally t...
• Episode 20: Hope and Glory
  Nelle schemes her way into turning Elaine against Cage and Fish and starting her own firm. Nelle has...
• Episode 21: Ally McBeal: The Musical, Almost
  Ling Woo: I know I'm better than everybody else, Richard, but some times it's nice to HEAR it....
• Season 4
• Episode 1: Sex, Lies and Second Thoughts
  Ally McBeal: You are the biggest *ass* I have ever *met*.::Larry: Perhaps this is where you... kiss ...
• Episode 2: Girls' Night Out
  Cindy McCauliff: How DARE you.::Richard Fish: I didn't TELL him!::Cindy McCauliff: You were ABOUT to...
• Episode 3: Two's a Crowd
  Richard is morally conflicted over knowing the secret of Mark's girlfriend Cindy and goes to Ally fo...
• Episode 4: Without a Net
  Richard Fish: Let me tell you something about women, Mark. Don't talk to them. They'll talk back. Wo...
• Episode 5: The Last Virgin
  Ally's puritanical classmate, Kimmy, is back, this time claiming she was fired for being a prude and...
• Episode 6: Tis the Season
  It's almost Christmas and Elaine's desperation is making her cranky, while Ally is frustrated that L...
• Episode 7: Love on Holiday
  The attorneys of Cage and Fish are auctioning themselves off for charity in a date auction. Nelle an...
• Episode 8: The Man with the Bag
  Nelle hires John to defend her father when he's been fired for believing he's Santa Claus. The case ...
• Episode 9: Reasons to Believe
  John "The Biscuit" Cage: It's very hard to make any sense of this without - well, at least with any ...
• Episode 10: The Ex-Files
  Nell Porter: Ling, uh, do you still like this guy?::Ling Woo: No! No, I-I'm with Richard now. I-I......
• Episode 11: Mr. Bo
  Ally McBeal: Richard, I'm going to ask you one more time, did you hire me based on my looks?::Richar...
• Episode 12: Hats Off to Larry
  In search of the most homophobic, bigoted lawyer she can find, Mark's ex-girlfriend Cindy comes to R...
• Episode 13: Reach Out and Touch
  Steven Milter: Your honor, I'm not comfortable with the response. I'm gonna go ahead and object.::Ju...
• Episode 14: Boy's Town
  John and Richard get into a squabble over Richard borrowing John's baseball glove without asking, si...
• Episode 15: Falling Up
  Getting concerned that Larry is never coming back, Ally starts seeing his face everywhere. Which is ...
• Episode 16: The Getaway
  Cage and Fish are off to Los Angeles for vacation, not the whole firm but just Richard and John and ...
• Episode 17: The Pursuit of Unhappiness
  Jackson Duper: You know what? I'm not even in the mood for your issues.::Ally McBeal: My issues? Wha...
• Episode 18: The Obstacle Course
  On the day of the trial, Ally starts defending a little person who was sued for defrauding his date....
• Episode 19: In Search of Barry White
  A man wants to clone his dead wife, and nobody, even John, thinks that's a good idea, but when he fi...
• Episode 20: Cloudy Skies, Chance of Parade
  It's Ally's birthday and she's upset because she's alone. Not alone alone, but alone with somebody e...
• Episode 21: Queen Bee
  Jackson Duper: Alright, let's hold on here. There are a lot of emotions on the surface.::Ms. Parks: ...
• Episode 22: Home Again
  Ally McBeal: [Larry is out with another woman] Hey, Larry.::Larry Paul: Ally, hi. This is Helena. He...
• Episode 23: The Wedding
  With Larry gone, Richard assigns Ally to a case. A high school boy is seeking a court order to force...
• Season 5
• Episode 1: Friends and Lovers
  On her way to Cage and Fish, Ally runs into herself, better known as Jenny, a young lawyer just fire...
• Episode 2: Judge Ling
  When Ling is sarcastically nice to a stranger, she gets a surprise promotion as a judge. John is sti...
• Episode 3: Neutral Corners
  John "The Biscuit" Cage: Well, that's the trouble, I suppose, in coming at people with honesty. They...
• Episode 4: Fear of Flirting
  Jenny Shaw: You're a woman, for god's sake. Be a man!...
• Episode 5: I Want Love
  Ally McBeal: Jenny, the wrong ones can't hurt you. But the right ones, they're the killers....
• Episode 6: Lost and Found
  John Cage: I can't believe it! You're lip-synching your response!::Richard Fish: I had a lot to say....
• Episode 7: Nine One One
  A widowed Reverend who no longer believes in God believes that Ally has been brought to him by fate ...
• Episode 8: Playing with Matches
  With Jenny's mother's wedding approaching, Richard is trying one last time to get with her, while Al...
• Episode 9: Blowin' in the Wind
  Richard Fish: You know, Ally, no matter how low I set the bar of common sense, you amaze me in your ...
• Episode 10: One Hundred Tears
  Elaine Vassal: Sorry I'm late.::Harriet Pumple: Oh, Elaine, you can go first - since some of us seem...
• Episode 11: A Kick in the Head
  Maddie Harrington shows up on Ally's doorstep and announces she is Ally's daughter. Ally had donated...
• Episode 12: The New Day
  John decides to leave the firm as a named partner and work part-time. Fish makes Ally partner. Nell ...
• Episode 13: Woman
  In her first duty as senior partner at Fish, Cage & McBeal, Ally has to fire someone. It goes even w...
• Episode 14: Homecoming
  An old woman shows up at Ally's house and mistakes Victor as the former tenant and her soul mate. Al...
• Episode 15: Heart and Soul
  Ally tries teaching her daughter some moral lessons but they backfire when Maddie suggests that Ally...
• Episode 16: Love Is All Around: Part 1
  Liza Bump: Sorry I'm late. Pedestrians. I brake for them. New Year's Rezzy....
• Episode 17: Love Is All Around: Part 2
  Ally McBeal: You've seen me dance. Now watch me fornicate....
• Episode 18: Tom Dooley
  Liza Bump: [squeezing John Cage's face] Isn't HE like a cute little stuffy? And such a good little l...
• Episode 19: Another One Bites the Dust
  Claire Otoms: [of Liza Bump] Little sweaty Betty....
• Episode 20: What I'll Never Do for Love Again
  Elaine auditions for "A Chorus Line"....
• Episode 21: All of Me
  Liza Bump: [to John Cage] Earth to Square Pants!...
• Episode 22: Bygones
  [last lines]::Ally McBeal: Looking backwards, many of the saddest times in my life turn out to be th...

• Ally McBeal - Bob Rivers
• Ally McBeal - TV Theme Songs
• Ally McBeal - Da Vinci's Notebook

Once upon a time you looked so fine, Monday night at nine
on Fox prime time, I'm digging you,
People called, said, "Hey, Girl, You eat like a squirrel"
Sneakin' off to hurl, You did now, Didn't you?
You used to prance about, You wore those little dresses
and you, You filled 'em out,
And now you don't look so stout, And all those rumors
they keep flying about,
About how you're finishing two peas, A cracker and your
cottage cheese, And call it a meal.
Ally McBeal, Ally McBeal, Eat a big T-bone, Get Domino's
on the phone, 'Cause you're all just skin and bone, A
Karen Carpenter clone,

I've been down this road
Walking the line that's painted by pride
And i have made mistakes in my life that i just can't hide.
But I believe I'm ready
for what love has to bring
I've got myself together
Now i'm ready to sing.
I've been searching my soul tonight
I know there's so much more to life
Now I know I can shine a light
to find my way back home.
Baby.
Yeah.
Oh Yeah.

Once upon a time you were on prime time
Made the Monday lineup on Fox at 9:00, didn’t you?
Your complaints and whines while defendin’ crimes
In your high hemlines made Gloria Steinem spit on you
And all the ’90s women heed your call
And share your deep desire to have it all
But they don’t see the way you stay so small
Behind the locked door of the bathroom stall
Sittin’ there, hunched over and purging your last meal
Ally McBeal
Ally McBeal
Nothing but skin and bone
Just like a Kate Moss clone
Without no muscle tone
Like a skele-tone
You can try to lie, say your metabolism’s high
But I ain’t gonna buy it when you’re outsized by
Ethiopians
And I just can’t stand you in your damn flannel jammies
Dancin’ ’round, plannin’ which man’ll get the grand
tour of your fallopians
I just don’t get what all the people see
In your self-involvement and hypocrisy
Your Pop-Tart feminism and cheap neuroses
As I stare into the vacuum of my T.V.
Scratching my head and trying to understand your appeal
Ally McBeal
Ally McBeal
Think of all the chunks you’ve blown
And all the up you’ve thrown
Into your porcelain throne