Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren Cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (lead vocals)
Peter Wolf (keyboards)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Arthur Barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Vinnie Colaiuta (drums)
Jeff (tenor saxophone)
Marginal Chagrin (baritone saxophone)
Stumuk (bass saxophone)
Dale Bozzio (vocals)
Al Malkin (vocals)
Craig Steward (harmonica)
JOE is so disoriented by his disease, he goes in the other room and plays the title cut from an old Jeff Simmons album, and sings along with it.
Joe:
Lucille
Has messed my mind up
But I still love her
Oh I still love her
Lucille
Has messed my mind up
But I still love her
Oh I still love her
Lucille
Has messed my mind up
But I still need her
You know I need her
Whatcha tryna doota me
Lucille?
Whatcha tryna doota me
Lucille?
Whatcha tryna doota me
Lucille?
You got me goin' outa my mind
Lucille
Has tore my heart up
But I still love her
I really love her
Lucille
Has tore my heart up
But I still need her
You know I need her
She treats me like my heart
Is made of stone
She runs around
And leaves me home
All alone
She doesn't answer
When I call her on the phone
She messed up my mind
I'm crying alla the time
Lucille
Has messed my mind up (etc., etc., etc.)
Central Scrutinizer:
Act I
SCENE FIVE
THE WET T-SHIRT CONTEST
After a few weeks on the bus, being porked by
Toad-O's road crew, and being too exhausted to do
their laundry on a regular basis, MARY is dumped in Miami.
With no money (and no other famous rock groups due into
the area for at least three weeks), she tries to pick up a few bucks
by entering the Wet T-Shirt contest at The Brasserie...
IKE:
Looks to me like something funny
Is going on around here
People laughin' 'n' dancin' 'n' payin'
Entirely too much for their beer
And they all think they are
Clean outa-site
And they're ready to party
'Cause the sign outside says it's WET T-SHIRT NITE
'N' they all crave some Hot delight
Well the girls are excited
Because in a minute
They're gonna get wet
'N' the boys are delighted
Because all the titties
Will get 'em upset
'N' they all think they are Reety-awright
'N' they're ready to boogie
'Cause the sign outside says it's WET T-SHIRT NITE
'N' they all crave some Pink delight
When the water gets on'em
Their ninnies get rigid
'N' look pretty bold
It's a common reaction
That makes an attraction
Whenever it's cold
'N'all of the fellas
They wish they could bite
On the cute little nuggets
The local girls are showin' off tonite
You know I think it serves 'em right
You know I think it serves 'em right
You know I think it serves 'em right
You know I think it serves 'em right
And it's WET T-SHIRT TIME AGAIN
I know you want someone to show you some tit!
BIG ONES! WET ONES! BIG WET ONES!
At this point, FATHER RILEY (who had been recently de-frocked
for not meeting his quota, and has grown his hair out and
bought a groovy sport coot and moved to Miami and changed
his name to BUDDY JONES) steps onto the crowded bandstand
in his exciting new role as a WET T-SHIRT CONTEST EMCEE...
BUDDY JONES:
Ah, thanks, IKE...
Yes, it's WET T-SHIRT TIME AGAIN
Here at The Brasserie... Home of THE TITS... huh huh...
And it's the charming Mary from Canoga Park
Up next in her bid for the semi-finals...
Hi,Mary...howya doin?
Having been fucked senseless by the boys in the crew, MARY does
not recognize the former religious personage from her nights in the
rectory basement during which she acquired her basic manual skills…
confounded by his sport coat, she replies...
MARY: Hi!
Realizing that she no longer recognizes him... or even appreciates
the patient religious training he had given her in the past, BUDDY JONES,
like a true WET T-SHIRT EMCEE type person, proceeds to say various
stupid things to waste time, making the contest itself take longer, thereby
giving the mongoloids squatting on the dance floor an opportunity to buy
more exciting beverages. . . liquid products that will expand their
consciousnesses to the point whereby they might more fully enjoy the ambiance
of Miami By Night...
BUDDY JONES:
Where ya from?
MARY:
Ah, the bus...
BUDDY JONES:
Which one?
MARY:
You know...the last tour...
You know...
Leather
BUDDY JONES:
Oh.. .you were the girl that was stuck to seat 38 on Phydeaux III...
why don't you get in position now and take a deep breath, because
this water is very, very cold, but it's goin' to be so stimulating. And
Mary's the kind of Red-Blooded American Girl who'll do anything...
MARY:
Anything...
BUDDY JONES:
I said anything... for fifty bucks
That's right!
MARY:
I really need the fifty bucks you know I gotta get home!
BUDDY JONES:
Yeh, I know, your father is waiting for you in the tool shed... that's right,you
heard right... our big prize tonite is fifty American Dollars to the girl with
the most exciting mammalian protruberances...
MARY: Here I am!
BUDDY JONES: ...
as viewed through a thoroughly soaked, stupid looking white sort of male
person's conservative kind of middle-of-the-road COTTON UNDER-GARMENT!
Whoopee! And here comes THE WATER!
MARY:
EEEK!
BUDDY JONES:
No, you'd squeak more if the water got on you ...sounds like you just got an
ice pick in the forehead... AND HERE COMES THE ICE PICK IN THE FOREHEAD...
a million laughs, Mary! Anyway; good golly, what a mess...she's totally soaked..
totally committed to the fifty bucks.. .That's it just step into the spotlight.. let the guys
get a good look at ya honey!
MARY:
Here I am!
BUDDY JONES:
Whaddya say, fellas?
Nice setta jugs?
Now Mary, how's about shakin' it around a little...
BUDDY JONES:
Oh my goodness, look at her go!
MARY:
Oooh! I'm dancing!
I'm dancing!
BUDDY JONES:
Ain't this what living is really all about!
Here's your fifty bucks, Mary...
MARY:
Oh great! Now I can go home!
BUDDY JONES:
Home is where the heart is.
MARY:
On the bus.
Act I
Executed for something that you've never done
Your life has barely even just begun
You swear every last one would pay
You promise to return from the Grave
As a man of religion you will die
But the promise of God is lies
Your faith was given all in vain
Hope - mere illusion in your brain
Free from grace of Holy Rest
Absolute nocturnal death
Soon lie in the grave awaiting those to be repaid
The trial - how long you have waited for this day
Guilt is what you hope they won't say
But luck forgot your name this day!
Sent to Death
No delay
Now in your grave you rot, deep inside your cemetary plot
Your epitaph spells out lies, as a friend looks down and cries
Break the brace of certain death, return from your
eternal rest
Strike out from your very grace, soon they all will be repaid
As you rot awaiting your great transition
Patience is a virtue in this plight
Hell's price for rebirth and reprisal
Long awaited
Many Full Moon nights
Act II
Now the time has ended, your corpse has fallen to dust
Your Blessed Death the jury's invitation
For you're falsified unjust
Now you'll gain the satisfaction of your unrelenting thirst
But the Hell that's expected now a violence getting worse
Act III
My soul is reborn with hatred and scorn
For vengeance of death and not prison
Beware of my toll I'll torture your soul
From the Black of Hell I have risen
The jurors die in cold blood in their bed
For the verdict that left me dead
And for the lawyer the went unsaid
A pathetic man from Havard now dead
The judge will be torn at his seams
For the hammer that smashed my dreams
Now they're all here in Hell
They learned a lesson I can tell
Act IV
Free from all the misery, I killed those who sentenced me
Sent to die at twenty-three, now I roam the fiery sea
A case with no evidence ends in Death an Innocence
Easy people are misled
Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren Cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (lead vocals)
Peter Wolf (keyboards)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Arthur Barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Vinnie Colaiuta (drums)
Jeff (tenor saxophone)
Marginal Chagrin (baritone saxophone)
Stumuk (bass saxophone)
Dale Bozzio (vocals)
Al Malkin (vocals)
Craig Steward (harmonica)
A boring old garage in a residential area with a teen-age band rehearsing in it. JOE (the main character in the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER'S Special Presentation) sings to us of the trials and tribulations of garage-band husbandry.
Central Scrutinizer:
We take you now, to a garage, in Canoga Park.
Frank Zappa:
(It makes it's own sauce...)
Joe:
It wasn't very large
There was just enough room to cram the drums
In the corner over by the Dodge
It was a fifty-four
With a mashed up door
And a cheesy little amp
With a sign on the front said "Fender Champ"
And a second hand guitar
It was a Stratocaster with a whammy bar
At this point, LARRY (a guy who will eventually give up music and earn a respectable living as a roadie for a group called Toad-O) joins in the song...
Larry:
We could jam in Joe's Garage
His mama was screamin'
His dad was mad
We was playin' the same old song
In the afternoon 'n' sometimes we would
Play it all night long
It was all we knew, 'n' easy too
So we wouldn't get it wrong
All we did was bend the string like...
Hey!
Down in Joe's Garage
We didn't have no dope or LSD
But a coupla quartsa beer
Would fix it so the intonation
Would not offend yer ear
And the same old chords goin' over 'n' over
Became a symphony
We would play it again 'n' again 'n' again
'Cause it sounded good to me
ONE MORE TIME!
We could jam in Joe's Garage
His mama was screamin',
"TURN IT DOWN!"
We was playing' the same old song
In the afternoon 'n' sometimes we would
Play it all night long
It was all we knew, and easy too
So we wouldn't get it wrong
Even if you played it on a saxophone
We thought we was pretty good
We talked about keepin' the band together
'N' we figured that we should
'Cause about this time we was gettin' the eye
From the girls in the neighborhood
They'd all come over 'n' dance around
like...
Twenty teen-age girls dash
in and go STOMP-CLAP,
STOMP-CLAP-CLAP...
So we picked out a stupid name
Had some cards printed up for a coupla bucks
'N' we was on our way to fame
Got matching suits 'N' Beatle Boots
'N' a sign on the back of the car
'N' we was ready to work in a GO-GO Bar
ONE TWO THREE FOUR
LET'S SEE IF YOU GOT SOME MORE!
People seemed to like our song
They got up 'n' danced 'n' made a lotta noise
An' it wasn't 'fore very long
A guy from a company we can't name
Said we oughta take his pen
'N' sign on the line for a real good time
But he didn't tell us when
These "good times" would be somethin'
That was really happenin'
So the band broke up
An' it looks like
We will never play again...
Joe:
Guess you only get one chance in life
To play a song that goes like...
(And, as the band plays their little song,
MRS. BORG (who keeps her son SY,
in the closet with the vacuum cleaner)
screams out the window...
Mrs. Borg:
Turn it down!
Turn it DOWN!
I have children sleeping here...
Don't you boys know any nice songs?
Joe:
(Speculating on the future)
Well the years was rollin' by, yeah
Heavy Metal 'n' Glitter Rock
Had caught the public eye, yeah
Snotty boys with lipstick on
Was really flyin' high, yeah
'N' then they got that Disco thing
'N' New Wave came along
'N' all of a sudden I thought the time
Had come for that old song
We used to play in "Joe's Garage"
And if I am not wrong
You will soon be dancin' to...
Central Scrutinizer:
The WHITE ZONE is
for loading and
unloading only. If you
gotta load or unload,
go to the WHITE
ZONE. You'll love it...
Joe:
Well the years was rollin' by (etc.)...
Mrs. Borg:
I'm calling THE POLICE!
I did it! They'll be here...shortly!
Officer Butzis:
This is the Police...
Mrs. Borg:
I'm not joking around anymore
Officer Butzis:
We have the garage surrounded
If you give yourself up
We will not harm you
Or hurt you neither
Mrs. Borg:
You'll see them
Officer Butzis:
This is the Police
Mrs. Borg:
There they are, they're coming!
Officer Butzis:
Give yourself up
We will not harm you
Mrs. Borg:
Listen to that mess, would you?
Officer Butzis:
This is the Police
Give yourself up
We have the garage surrounded
Mrs. Borg:
Everday this goes on around here!
Officer Butzis:
We will not harm you, or maim you
(SWAT Team 4, move in!)
Mrs. Borg:
He used cut my grass...
He was very nice boy...
That's DISGUSTING!!
Central Scrutinizer:
This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER...
That was Joe's first confrontation with The Law.
Naturally, we were easy on him.
One of our friendly counselors gave him
A do-nut...and told him to
Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren Cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (lead vocals)
Peter Wolf (keyboards)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Arthur Barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Vinnie Colaiuta (drums)
Jeff (tenor saxophone)
Marginal Chagrin (baritone saxophone)
Stumuk (bass saxophone)
Dale Bozzio (vocals)
Al Malkin (vocals)
Craig Steward (harmonica)
Backstage at the local Armory, Mary, in her little white dress, is wiping the remnants of her performance off the side of her mouth as LARRY (the guy from the garage who quit the band in order to make an honest living) zips up the front of his stinking boiler suit and sings to the same teen-age girls who were stomping and clapping a little while ago, as they kneel with their little pink mouths open near the crew bus, hoping to save the price of admission by performing acts of Hooverism on the jolly lads who set up the P.A. System.
Larry:
Hey Hey Hey all you girls in these
Industrial towns
I know you're prob'ly gettin' tired
Of all the local clowns
They never give you no respect
They never treat you nice
So perhaps you oughta try
A little friendly advice
And be a CREW SLUT
Hey, you'll love it
Be a CREW SLUT
It's a way of life
Be a CREW SLUT
See the world
Don't make a fuss, just get on the bus
CREW SLUT
Add water makes its own sauce
Be a CREW SLUT
So you don't forget, call before midnite tonite
The boys in the crew
Are just waiting for you
You never to get move around
You never go nowhere
I know yer prob'ly gettin' tired
Of all the guys out there
You always wondered what it's like
To go from place to place
So, darlin', take a little ride
On the mixer's face
Be a CREW SLUT
Just follow the magic footprints
Be a CREW SLUT
Hey, you'll love it!
Be a CREW SLUT
It's a way of life
I ain't gonna squash it
And you don't need to wash it!
CREW SLUT
Hey, I'll buy you a pizza
CREW SLUT
Of course I'll introduce you to Warren
The boys in the crew
Are only waiting for you
At this point, the road crew, as all road crews must from time to time, borrow some of the big rock group's equipment and have a blues jam session, indicating to the kneeling maidens that they are endowed with a great deal of raw talent, as well as massive meat. Obviously impressed with LARRY'S ability to suck so hard on his harmonica that screeching little noises come out of it, MARY kneels again and reaches upward in gestures of supplication, listening intently as LARRY continues to sing...
Larry:
Well you been to Alabama, girl,
'N' Georgia too
'N' all the boys in the crew
Is bein' good to you
I know yer sayin' to yourself
'This is the way to go'
'Cause when you need a little extra
They will give you some mo'
`Cause you're the CREW SLUT
Mary:
Eh, hah ha, I'm into leather...
Larry:
That's good! A lot of the boys in the crew Love leather...
Mary:
And rubber...
Larry:
Yeh, they like rubber too...shrink-tubing
With a hair dryer...
Road Crew Chorus:
Trade your spot on the bench
For a guy with a wrench
And be a...
Mary:
Ha ha ha...
Larry:
You like that, huh?
I told you you'd love it...
It's a way of life!
Road Crew Chorus:
The guys in the crew
Have got a present for you!
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah
Mary:
A present for me?
Road Crew Chorus:
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah
Larry:
Hmmm, we got a present for you!
Road Crew Chorus:
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah
Mary:
Whaddya got?
Road Crew Chorus:
Ren nah naaah
Mary:
Whaddya gonna give me?
Road Crew Chorus:
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah
Larry:
It looks just like a Telefunken U-47
You'll love it...
Mary:
With Leather?
Central Scrutinizer:
Eh errr, eh eh...This is,eh, the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER again...
And so Mary was enticed away from Joe
By an evil barbarian with a wrench in his pocket
Lured into a life of SLEAZERY
With the entire road crew of some
Famous Rock Group
(I don't know whether it was really Toad-O or not
...I don't know... I'll check it out)
Again we see
MUSIC
Causing
Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren Cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (lead vocals)
Peter Wolf (keyboards)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Arthur Barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Vinnie Colaiuta (drums)
Jeff (tenor saxophone)
Marginal Chagrin (baritone saxophone)
Stumuk (bass saxophone)
Dale Bozzio (vocals)
Al Malkin (vocals)
Craig Steward (harmonica)
Sometimes when you're not looking he just sneaks up on you. He looks like a cheap sort of flying saucer about five feet across with a snout-like megaphone apparatus in the front with two big eyes mounted like Appletons with miniature motorized frowning chrome eyebrows over them. Along the side of his disc-like body are several sets of stupid-looking headers and exhaust hoses which apparently propel him and punctuate his dialogue with horrible smelling smoke rings. In the middle of his head we can see an airport wind sock and constantly twirling anemometer. The bottom of him has a landing light and three spoked wheels. In spite of all this, it is obvious that the way he really gets around is by being dangled from place to place by a union guy with a dark green shirt up in the roof who is eating a sandwich (pieces of which drop off every once in a while and lodge themselves near the hole where they put the oil in that makes the cheap smoke).
He hovers into view and speaks to us thusly...
Central Scrutinizer:
This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER...it is my responsibility to enforce all the laws that haven't been passed yet. It is also my responsibility to alert each and every one of you to the potential consequences of various ordinary everyday activities you might be performing which could eventually lead to *The Death Penalty* (or affect your parents' credit rating). Our criminal institutions are full of little creeps like you who do wrong things...and many of them were driven to these crimes by a horrible force called MUSIC!
Our studies have shown that this horrible force is so dangerous to society at large that laws are being drawn up at this very moment to stop it forever! Cruel and inhuman punishments are being carefully described in tiny paragraphs so they won't conflict with the Constitution (which, itself, is being modified in order to accommodate THE FUTURE).
Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren Cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (lead vocals)
Peter Wolf (keyboards)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Arthur Barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Vinnie Colaiuta (drums)
Jeff (tenor saxophone)
Marginal Chagrin (baritone saxophone)
Stumuk (bass saxophone)
Dale Bozzio (vocals)
Al Malkin (vocals)
Craig Steward (harmonica)
Whereupon the house combo at the Brasserie drifts into a modified version of one of Toad-O's big hit numbers BUDDY JONES stares longingly at the little nozzles pooching out of Mary's moistened upper clothing, but it's too late...WARREN, one of the other guys from Joe's Garage Band has already recognized her (he's now one of the foremost disco-fusion rhythm guitar players on the Wet T-shirt Circuit, currently providing exciting strummery here in Miami), and is in the process of getting the details of her life on the bus with LARRY and the other jolly road crew lads. He eventually sends JOE a letter with this information in it...
Central Scrutinizer:
Act I
"Vexilla reis Prodeunt Inferni"
(Dante Alighieri, Inferno canto XXXIV v 1)
Sollicite atri cunt equites
soli in luscas vestes eos cernere possunt equi
magnam stellam et auream in pectore intextam
et longum secundum laterem pendentem gladium gerunt equites
nulla vox per longum atque operosum iter nulla suspiria nulla laboris signa
mortis ultionisque odorem secum ferens in numerum cursu non remittit
a tergo - longi amictus et pulvis et extinctio
ante cos- terribilis et obscure appropinquat silva sursum luna !
aridis frondibus tecti, strepentibus
et veteribus fuscis innixi cupressis
circum tenuem ignem quiestant equites
in nitidos truncos lunae candidum permanat lumen
quod Inannac nocturnum basiat regnum
mirum ardet tus in vetusti arboris radicibus
et ebriam facit frigidain acrem et acutam
Paucum horarum iam Roinam ab atroce ultione dividet
per magnum strigarum deum - priscum bicornem
vitam noctuabundi quites summe cum gaudie canite
ad Pani deo capro reddendum risum - mundi lucem !
Act II
(Fredegonda - 6th Cent. a.c.)
Maleficis oculis femina principes necans - venefica
ei ipse regius comes, cum sua acie Durfindana dedere coactus
cius conspectu territi lentius equi currunt
sicut necabat ita illam necesse ferminam necar !
Sic infernorum equites
quamquam a Pullac furiae magicis viribus saucii latigatique
cam deprehendere valucrunt
cam, cum inversam ligavissent in magni ignis radicibus cremaverunt
niger capillus promissus ardebat ardebant flammis incensi oculi.
Act III
"Cultrum quem sub veste abditum habebat in corde deligit
prolapsaque in vulnus moribunda cecidit" (T.Livius)
Ignis sacer - Patriae amoris imago lar familiaris
pro hoc pulchra sanguinem proludit Lucretia (Lucretia 6th cent.b.c.)
Lucretia antiquae Urbis maiestas
Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren Cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (lead vocals)
Peter Wolf (keyboards)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Arthur Barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Vinnie Colaiuta (drums)
Jeff (tenor saxophone)
Marginal Chagrin (baritone saxophone)
Stumuk (bass saxophone)
Dale Bozzio (vocals)
Al Malkin (vocals)
Craig Steward (harmonica)
Shortly after his liaison with the taco stand lady, JOE makes a horrible discovery...
Joe:
Why does it hurt when I pee?
Why does it hurt when I pee?
I don't want no doctor
To stick no needle in me
Why does it hurt when I pee?
I got it from the toilet seat
I got it from the toilet seat
It jumped right up
'N' grabbed my meat
Got it from the toilet seat
My balls feel like a pair of maracas
My balls feel like a pair of maracas
Oh God I probably got the
Gon-o-ka-ka-khackus!
My balls feel like a pair of maracas
Ai-ee-ai-ee-ahhhh!
Why does it
Why does it
Why does it
Why does it hurt...when I
Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike willis (lead vocals)
Peter wolf (keyboards)
Tommy mars (keyboards)
Arthur barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed mann (percussion)
Vinnie colaiuta (drums)
Jeff (tenor saxophone)
Marginal chagrin (baritone saxophone)
Stumuk (bass saxophone)
Dale bozzio (vocals)
Al malkin (vocals)
Craig steward (harmonica)
A festive cyo party with crepe paper streamers, contestants for the broom dance, the "hokey pokey," baked goods, & father riley making sure the lights don't go down too low...
Father riley and various party goers:
Catholic girls
With a tiny little mustache
Catholic girls
Do you know how they go?
Catholic girls
In the rectory basement
Father riley's a fairy
But it don't bother mary
Catholic girls
At the cyo
Catholic girls
Do you know how they go?
Catholic girls
There can be no replacement
How do they go, after the show?
Joe:
All the way
That's the way they go
Every day
And none of their mamas ever seem to know
Hip-hip-hooray
For all the class they show
There's nothing like a catholic girl
At the cyo
When they learn to blow...
Father riley:
They're learning to blow
All the catholic boys!
Mary:
Warren cuccurullo...
Father riley:
Catholic boys!
Mary:
Kinda young, kinda wow!
Father riley:
Catholic boys!
Mary:
Vinnie colaiuta...
Chorus:
Where are they now?
Did they all take the vow?
Father riley:
Catholic girls
Warren:
Carmenita scarfone!
Father riley:
Catholic girls
Officer butzis:
Hey! she gave me vd!
Father riley:
Catholic girls!
Warren:
Toni carbone!
Chorus:
With a tongue like a cow
She could make you go wow!
Joe:
Vd vowdy vootie
Right away
That's the way they go
Every day
Whenever their mamas take them to a show
Matinee
Pass the popcorn please
There's nothing like a catholic girl
With her hand in the box
When she's on her knees
Larry:
She was on her knees,
My little catholic girl
Chorus:
In a little white dress
Catholic girls
They never confess
Catholic girls
I got one for a cousin
I love how they go
So send me a dozen
Catholic girls
Ooooooh!
Catholic girls
Ooooooh!
(etc.)
Central scrutinizer:
This is the central scrutinizer...
Joe had a girl friend named mary.
She used to go the church club every week.
They'd meet each other there
Hold hands
And think pure thoughts
But one night at the social club meeting
Mary didn't show up...
She was sucking cock backstage at the armory
In order to get a pass
Act I
Is it all over
Have we finally crossed the line?
I still want to hold you
But there's not a chance to even try
Last words were so cold an mean
What you said to me
Turned me into darkness
Now I'm waiting all alone
I need to know
Where are you?
I can't wait to see you again
My mind in a storm of uncertainty
I must have been a fool
What a fool
Too much pride to swallow
In the name of a lie we part our ways
With a woeful cry I call your name
In this hatred our hearts will burn and die
I'll never
I'll never forgive or cry
Why?
In our conviction we are
Held hostage by our mind
I lack the strength to break away
Or to try another day
I feel like we are caught in a web
We have been hanging for eternity
No way out without going down
We'll go down
Act II
All the fighting
All the lies
All the words
All the crimes
Days go by
I need to see
Where is the line
Where is my peace
In my mind
In my soul
You left me crying
I'm all alone
Act III
Fading
Are you fading away from my life?
Yearing
Longing for you words
I'm not ready for goodbyes
Waiting
Waiting for you to come
Returning
I am waiting for the day
Act I
Move
Move in closer
Move in closer to the
Move in closer to the middle of the frame
Act II
It was a morning just like any other morning
In the Sinai Desert
1200 B.C.
It glistened, it glowed, it rose from the gold of the
children of Israel
(And most of the adults)
The Cash Cow
The golden Cash Cow had a body like the great cows of
ancient Egypt
And a face like the face of Robert Tilton (without the
horns)
And through the centuries it has roamed the earth like
a ravenous bovine
Seeking whom it may lick
Cash Cow, Cash Cow
From the Valley of the Shadow of the Outlet Mall
To the customized pet-wear boutique
From the trailer of the fry chef
To the palace of the sheik
The Cash Cow lurks
The Cash Cow lurks
The Cash Cow lurks
Who loves you, baby?
Who'll give you good credit?
Who says you'll regret it?
Who loves you, baby?
Who'll give you good credit?
Who says you'll regret it?
"I was young and I needed the money"
"I had money, and I needed more money"
"I was filthy rich--all I wanted was love. And a little
more money"
Woe to you, proud mortal!
Secure in your modest digs
You think you're immune?
You, who couldn't finger said cow in a police line-up
with the three little pigs?
Cash Cow, Master of Disguises
Who's gonna change shape at will?
Who's the eye in the pyramid on the back of the dollar
bill?
Who loves power lunching from Spago to Sizzler?
Guess who's coming to dinner?
Who loves you, baby?
Who'll give you good credit?
Who says you'll regret it?
Who loves you, baby?
Who'll give you good credit?
Who says you'll regret it?
Who loves you, baby?
Who'll give you good credit?
Who says you'll regret it?
One yank on that udder
Will land your butter
In a sling
First one's free
Cow junkies take heed
Cash Cow, coming to getcha!
Why?
Because you think this is stupid, don't you?
The Cash Cow will not be mocked!
The Cash Cow's planning a coup!
The Cash Cow chews cud bigger than you!
Woe, woe, woe to you who blow off this warning
Perhaps you've already been licked
I, too, was hypnotized
By those big cow eyes
The last time I uttered
Those three little words
