What's it gonna be Kyle?
You have to decide.
Tits or destiny?
Tits.
Whooooahahaha! Ahhh!!!
With karate I'll kick your ass
Here to Tiennamen Square.
Oh yeah, muthafucka,
I'm 'onna kick your fuckin' derriere.
You broke the rules,
Now I'll pull out all your pubic hair,
You muthafucka.
You muthafucka.
Kyle betrayed me
And then he lied tried to hide
And I died deep inside
And you know the reason why.
I'm 'onna kick your ass
From here to right over there.
Oh yeah muthafucka,
I'm 'onna kick your fuckin' derriere.
You broke the rules,
Now I'll pull out all your pubic hair,
You muthafucka.
JB: God, I'm fuckin hungry. Let me check the fridge... Dude, where's my fuckin
schnitzel? Hey, wake up. Wake up you asshole, wake up.
KG: Whahahat? Wh?
JB: Wake up.
KG: What?
JB: You ate my fuckin schnitzel.
KG: What?
JB: You ate my fuckin schnitzel.
KG: Well it was in there. If you put it in there, then it's fair game.
JB: Yeah?
KG: For anybody that wants to eat it.
JB: Well then maybe this is fair game. WOW!
KG: Ow God, Hey!
JB: Yeah, that's right its a karate chop!
KG: What're ya doin?
JB: Well if you didn't like that, how 'bout this? KIKAY!
KG: OW!
We should talk about the hard fucking no
The hard fucking?
Because i think its pretty common complaint
Yeah the ladies don't really like the hard fucking
You feel like your giving them some extra juice
Their not in to that
You think your like taken it to the limit
Maybe they are though in to that
You know what the test is?
You just say get on top honey
You do what you like
And then sometimes she'll be fucking you reall hard
Its like well wait you like that? You like that?
Slow down im going to spurt! AHH UHH Sorry
You shouldn't have fucked me so hard.
JB: BRRRRRRRRRRING....BRRRRRRRRRRRRING
KG: *Click sound* Two Kings.
JB: Hey Kage.
KG: Hey.
JB: How's it goin?
KG: Good, good.
JB: What're ya doin?
KG: Oh God, I was just, I w-
JB: I love you.
KG: ...what'd you say?
JB: Said I love you,man. Just wanted to say it.
KG: Hey, thanks. Thank you. That's awesome, fuckin awesome...I mean, uh, that's
cool you can, you can say that.
JB: ...Don't you have something to say?
KG: No...oh I mean, I uh, I like you.I like you too dude.
JB: Whoa, like? OH HO HO MAN! I'm glad I fuckin did this test on you. The
friendship test.
KG: What?
JB: No, man
KG What are you talkin about?
JB: What happened before, when I said I loved you,that was a test. Because man
I coulda made a total ass of myself if I hadn't done this test on you.
*whistle* hoo hoo!
KG: But you don't?
JB: Boy!
KG: You don't, really love me?
JB: Dude listen. You fuckin passed the test ok? But barely. Ya know what you
got?
KG: What?
JB: F plus. Click
Dio has rocked for a long, long time,
Now it's time for him to pass the torch.
He has songs of wildebeests and angels,
He has soared on the wings of a demon.
It's time to pass the torch,
You're too old to rock, no more rockin' for you.
We're takin' you to a home,
But we will sing a song about you.
And we will make sure that you're very well taken care of.
You'll tell us secrets that you've learned. Raow!
Your sauce will mix with ours,
And we'll make a good goulash baby.
Dio, time to go!
You must give your cape and scepter to me.
And a smaller one for KG.
KG: Do you think that um, do you think that when the album, when this is out...
JB: Yeah?
KG: Do you think it will make us um, more attractive to the ladies?
JB: Pshh, yeah, in fact, I been getting ready.
KG: Yeah?
JB: Yeah, I been doin cock pushups.
KG: Cock Pushups?
JB: Yeah.
KG: What are those?
JB: Its where you fuckin lay down flat on the ground.
KG: Yeah...
JB: And then you let your boner lift you up off the ground.
KG: N...no, that's, that'd be impossible. Your cock can support your whole
weight?
JB: Well not at first...
KG: Yeah?
JB: But over time.
KG: Hmm...how many pushups can you do?
JB: ...cock pushups?
KG: Yeah...I guess, you could only do one really.
JB: Yeah, well one is all ya need
Can’t you see he’s the man,
Let me hear you applaud,
He is more than a man
He's a shiny golden god.
If you think its time to fucking rock,
And fucking roll, out of control
Well then you know you've got to rock the block,
You fucking suck, My fucking cock
Cause when you rule, you fucking school,
All of the fools, out of there jewels
Cause if you think it’s time to,
If you think it’s time to,
If you think it’s time to fucking rooooock.
He is going to kick your fucking ass,
And you know his name is Kyle Gass
Rocking and fucking rolling,
And fucking rocking, and fucking rolling
I can't get to sleep tonight
No matter how hard I try
Cause it's cold and it's dark
And the wind is a whistlin'
And I can't seem to put out the light
Momma's been searching for baby
But baby been tryin' to get home
Cause it's cold and it's dark
And the moon cannot light the way
And Daddy's gone, bye bye
I'm just a babyyyyy
I've had this birthmark since I was born,
It's the name of our fucking band dude.
KG: Jack?
JB: Yeah?
KG: Do you think some people, do you think that there's some people that are really, that are actually robots living among us-
JB: No.
KG: -but we can't tell?
JB: No we don't have that technology yet. But Rage, Rage, Rage-
KG: Yeah?
JB: -you know what I was thinking? Stop playing, I was thinking of a fuckin'
brilliant song.
KG: Yeah?
JB: Check it out, just do what I do,
KG: Ok...
JB: Just play this note.
(Plays)
JB: Then we both, just keep both playing that note. Every once in a while bend it. And that's it and just remember who wrote that song - ME, baby, ME.
KG: (Sighs)
JB: See it's fuckin' simple, thats one song in the bank, next song-
KG: Is th-
JB: -next song-
KG: -how could, but it's just one note.
JB: -next!
KG: Anybody coulda wrote it, anybody coulda done that,one song, just one note.
JB: Yeah but guess who did write it, ME!
KG: Yeah but did you write this...
JB: Dude, I did I told you to do the bending every once in a
while!
KG: Oh yeah you did, fu-
JB: Hoo hoo, I win-
KG: Shit!
JB: I win, one to nothing!
*Kage Snoring*
[Jack] Oh, my god. I've done it. Kage, come here I want you!
[Kage]What?! What?! God! I was sleeping dude! What are you talkin about?
[Jack] Oh, my god...
[Kage] What?
[Jack] I did it.
[Kage] What'd You Do?
[Jack] I've done it.. I fuckin did it.
[Kage] What?
[Jack] The most powerful tool in singing technology since yodeling, dude. Oh, my god, inward singing!
[Kage] What?
[Jack] Check it out. It's an invention and it makes non-stop rocking possible. Think about it, man! Rock singers are only rockin you half the time, the other time they're... they're... they're... they're... breathing in but not any more baby! HAHAHA... not with inward singing. Check it out...
*Jack breathing*
[Singing] And then I start some lyrics and you
[Inward Singing] Can't believe I'm singing
[Singing] And I'm never fucking stopping and I'm
[Inward Singing] Always fucking singing
[Singing] Now you know that I will never
[Inward Singing] Stop the fucking singing
[Singing] I'm like a fucking one man band, I'm like a fucking one man band!
[Jack]And I can sing like that all fuckin night...
[Kage] Wow... it wasn't really non-stop though. There was a slight...
[Jack]AHH shut up! It is non stop and theother thing is that when I'm fucking singing in it sounds even BETTER than when I'm singing out!
Shut up! Fuck you! You fuckin dick! Always ney saying everything I create! You piece of shit, you create something like inward singing! You fucking shit you fucking sit in your tower...
*Kage Laughing*
[Jack]...and fucking nap... what's funny? You fucking bitch!
*Kage Continues To Laugh*
[Jack]Fuckin, fuck out fuckin... cock a-ass. You're fired from the band.
[Kage] Umm, that won't be necessary, Jack.
[Jack] Why?
[Kage] Well, I'm quiting.
[Jack] What?
[Kage] I quit.
JB: Kage...
KG: Yeah?
JB: Let's go to this drive-thru.
(Motor Sounds)
KG: Oh good, I'm starvin'.
Drive-thru guy: (mumbles)
JB: Yeah, um...ah
Drive-thru guy: May I have your order?
JB: Yeah, hold on a second, I'm lookin' at the menu
Drive-thru guy: okay
JB: ...ah l-
Drive-thru guy: would you like special curly fries?
JB: Please, don't, don't offer me anything... I'll tell you what I want.
um...ok...you know how you have the six-piece nuggets?
Drive-thru guys: six piece mcnuggets.
JB: Just, uh, can you give me just four nuggets? I'm, I'm tryin'to...
Drive thru-guy: They come in six or twelve piece...do you want service?
JB: Shut up and listen to my order. Take the six nuggets, and throw two of them
away. I'm just wantin' a four-nugget thing. I'm tryin to watch my calorie
intake.
Drive-thru guy: They come in six or twelve pieces sir...
JB: Put two of them up your ass, and give me four chicken mcnuggets. And then,
uh, can I have a junior western bacon chee? A JUNIOR western bacon chee. I'm
trying to watch my figure.
Drive-thru guy: Western Bacon Cheeseburger...
JB: A JUNIOR Western Bacon Chee...
Drive-thru guy: Would you like that with onions?
JB: No Onions.
Drive-thru guy: Okay, Junior Bacon Chee...Total is $6.57
JB: Okay, and I'm gonna go with a fillet of fish sandwich, since that has less
calories, 'cuz it's fish.
Drive-thru guy: Fillet of Fish...
JB: Now if you could take a Coca-Cola, and just go half Coca-Cola, half Diet
Coke...'cuz I'm tryin to watch my figure...Tryin to loose some of the weight.
Drive-thru guy: You want half Coca-Cola, half...
JB: Um, and a SMALL, a *SMALL* Chocolate Shake. Because I'm tryin to watch my
figure, not a large, a small.
Drive-thru guy: It come's in medium-small or medium-large.
JB: Um...
Drive-thru guy: Small Chocolate Shake.
JB: Also a small seasoned-curlies
Drive-thru guy: Seasoned-curlies...
JB: Small, seasoned-curlies.
Drive-thru guy: Okay I got the small seasoned-curlies...western bacon
cheeseburger...
JB: Okay, uh...Fuck my ass, what else? Give me, uh...alright. Cherries Jubilee
and that's it.
Drive-thru guy: Cherries Jubilee.
JB: Wait, Kage, what do you want?
KG: Ah...Jeez, let me have a...I think I want the regular, uh, western
bacon-cheeseburger, Large shake, um...
JB: Oh God! Come on with the order.
KG: I'm...
JB: Take forever.
KG: That's all I want. That's all I want...
JB: good. How much is that sir?
Drive-thru guy: That'll be, uh, $14.75. At the window please, will you drive up?
JB: Do you have any money?
KG: Oh shoot, um, oh god. Yeah, I got...do you have s...I got like...
JB: Give it to me.
KG: Alright, here.
JB: Okay, we only have, uh...alright. I'm gonna need to cancel the last two
things on the order. Okay, thank you, let's go.
(Motor Sounds)
All you people up there in City Hall,
You're fuckin' it up for the people that's in the streets.
This is a song for the people in the streets,
Not the people City Hall.
All you motherfuckers in the streets it's time to rise up,
Come along children and fuckin' rise!
Lots of times when me and KG are watchin'
All the fuckin' shit that goes down at City Hall,
We get the feeling we should fuck shit up,
Yeah we should fuckin' start a riot.
A Riot!
We have 'em screaming in the streets,
we have 'em tippin' over shit and breakin' fuckin' windows of small businesses,
and settin' fuckin' fires!
and settin' fuckin' fires!
and settin' fuckin' fires!
And then after the smoke is cleared,
and the rubble has been swept away,
me and KG will peek out our heads.
We've been watching the riots on a monitor twenty floors below sea level,
from a bunker.
We did it Rage-Kage, we beat the bastards of City Hall!
But now what will we do?
We must rebuild. But who will lead us in the rebuilding process?
Man, it's got to be someone with the know-how
and the elbow grease to lead us to a new land.
No, not me and KG, we don't have the cognitive capacity to lead...
Alright, we'll do it!
We'll lead as Two Kings,
We'll lead as Two Kings.
Ahhhaaa (Two Kings, we'll lead as Two Kings)
Ah-ha ah-how,
We'll lead as Two Kings.
The first decree is to legalize marijuana.
The tyranny and the bullshit's gone on too long.
You old fuckin' shrivs who blocked it's legalization,
you're banished from the land!
We'll lead as Two Kings,
We'll lead as Two Kings.
Ahhhaaa (Two Kings, we'll lead as Two Kings)
Ah-ha ah-how,
Lead as Two Kings.
The second decree: no more pollution, no more car exhaust,
or ocean dumpage. From now on, we will travel in tubes!
We'll lead as Two Kings, oh, yeah,
We'll fuckin' lead as Two Kings.
Get the scientists working on the tube technology, immediately.
(Tube technology.) Chop, chop, let's go.
Third decree: no more... rich people: and poor people.
From now on, we will all be the same... ummm, I dunno,
I gotta think about that...
We'll lead as Two Kings
Ah yeah, ah yeahhhahahaha.
Ha-ha-ho-hee, ha-ha-ho-hee-ha-ha-ho-ho-ho-ho.
Oh my God.
Ahh... What?
Dude, the red phone is flashing.
Oh, yeah.
Let me scoop that up. Hello? Two Kings.
Who is it?
What?! No! No fucking way!
What?
Rage, there's a potato famine in Idaho, you gotta go down there!
Oh my God... what?
Dude, I gotta stay here!
Why do I have to go?
Please! Please!
Oh, God, okay.
Awesome... is he gone? Alright, emergency meeting of Parliament.
All right Parliament, I know this is fucked up,
but Rage, he can't be King anymore.
Dudes, he's encroaching on my decrees!
Seriously, let's make him "Duke," a kick ass "Duke."
Or "leader formerly known as King," but-- uh-oh he's comin' back...
We'll lead as Two Kings, oh yes
we'll really lead as Two Kings.
Uh, dude?
Rage.
I went all over Idaho...
Yeah?
Uh, plenty of potatoes everywhere.
What? There was no famine?
Yeah, there was no famine, no.
Dude.
I don't know what's uh...
A toast...
A toast...
Long live the "D."
Long live the "D."
Long live me. I'm sorry, I poisoned your wine.
What?
For the good of the land.
You p-- I poisoned yours... huh heh, as well.
Noooooooooo!!!!!
City, city, city, city, city, city, shitty.
Shitty, city, shitty, shitty, city, city, shitty.
Hall, hall, hall, hall, hall, hall, hall, hall.
People inside me are askin' me to smoke up City Hall,
'Cause no one here is talkin'.
People inside me are askin' me to blow up City Hall,
'Cause no one here is rockin'.
People inside me are askin' me to blow up City Hall,
'Cause everyone is Rock-'em Sock-'em Robots.
Everyone is Rock-'em Sock-'em Robots.
Everyone is Rock-'em Sock-'em GO! OH!
Don't, cut that part out.
We've got it.
Um, do you believe in God?
I believe, I believe.
You do?
I believe in God. I believe in God.
Y'do--
I believe in God.
Do you?
I believe in God.
Malibu Nights
Yeah, but you didn't fuckin' come out with this (one)--!
I got some lyrics.
Malibu nights, tangerine dreams,
Malibu neighs, Malibu dreams,
Malibu, makin' a poo.
Stinky poo, lookin'd view.
Because it's time for my breakfast,
It's time for some cheese.
It's time for the stink,
time for the breeze,
Arrgggghhhh!
Arrrggghhhh!
That's good, lets go an adventure,
Yeah, la la la
I've got lots to show you, la la la
Can i be a sasquatch too? la la la
You already are la la la you're my son JB, my wittle baby sass, la la la la la la la la la la la la
Ahhh.
Lets take a dip in the strawberry river, (la la la)
Yay!
C'mon! (C'mon baby lets go!)
Here we go, here we go, here we go,
Ooh la la la, oo papagenu, he's my papasass!
Ooh la la la, oo papagenu, he's my sassafrass!
Here we go, here we go, here we go,
Ooh la la la, oo papagenu, he's my papasass!
Ooh la la la, oo papagenu, he's my sassafrass!
Wheeeee!
We're flying!
We're flying!
Hold on boy!
Down where the sasquatch hide,
In the misty mountainside,
He's got shiny diamonds that he's got to protect,
Look into the sasquatch eye,
Did you know that sass could fly?
Sasquatch is my daddy and he's going to protect, me!
Half man, half machine,
On the cover of a magazine,
Bigfoot is my father and he's got to protect, me!
These lyrics don't make sense,
Think i've found the evidence,
Aaah! Arghhh!
I do not need, (he does not need)
a microphone (a microphone)
My voice is fucking, (fucking)
Powerful!!
Aaah!! Arghhh!
Sorry
I did not mean, (he did not mean)
to blow your mind (to blow your mind)
But that shit happens to me,
all the time!
Now take a look (take a look)
tell me what do you see? (tell me what do you see?)
We've got the Pick of Destiny!
A long ass freaking time ago
In a town called Kickapoo
There lived a humble family
Religious through and through
But yay, there was a black sheep
And he knew just what to do
His name was young J.B.
And he refused to step in line
A vision he did see-eth
Freaking rocking all the time
He wrote a tasty jam
And all the planets did align
Oh, the dragon's boards were blazing
As I stepped into his cave
Then I sliced his freaking cockles
With a long and shiny blade
'Twas I who bugged the dragon
Buckalizing buckaloo
And if you try to buck with me
Then I shall buck you too
Gotta get it on in the party zone
I gotta lock and load in the party zone
Gotta lick a toad in the party zone
Gotta break the code in the party zone
You've disobeyed my orders, son
Why were you ever born?
Your brother's ten times better than you
Jesus loves him more
This music that you play for us
Comes from the depths of Hell
Rock 'n' roll's the Devil's work
He wants you to rebel
You'll become a mindless puppet
Beelzebub will pull the strings
Your heart will lose direction
And chaos, it will bring
You'd better shut your mouth
You better watch your tone
You're going for a week
With no telephone
Don't wanna hear you cry
Don't let me hear you moan
You gotta praise The Lord
When you're in my home
Dio, can you hear me?
I am lost and so alone
I'm asking for your guidance
Won't you come down from your throne?
I need a tight compadre
Who will teach me how to rock
My father thinks you're evil
But man, he can suck a rock
Rock is not the Devil's work
It's magical and rad
I'll never rock as long as I am
Stuck here with my dad
I hear you, brave young Jables
You are hungry for the rock
But to learn the ancient method
Sacred doors, you must unlock
Escape your father's clutches
And this oppressive neighborhood
On a journey, you must go
To find the land of Hollywood
In The City of Fallen Angels
Where the ocean meets the sand
You will form a strong alliance
And the world's most awesome band
To find your fame and fortune
Through the valley you must walk
You will face your inner demons
Now go, my son and rock
So he bailed from freaking Kickapoo
With hunger in his heart
And he journeyed far and wide
To find the secrets of his art
But in the end, he knew
That he would find his counterpart
This is a song called 'The History Of Tenacious D'
And it's not just a list of hog wash
That we've done in the past
It's a chronicling of our rise to power
We ride with kings on mighty steeds
Across the Devil's plain
We've walked with Jesus and His Cross
He did not die in vain, no
We've run with wolves, we've climbed K2
We've even stopped a moving train
We've traveled through space and time, my friends
To rock this house again, rock
We ride and we ride and we'll never subside
And we'll ride 'til the planets collide
And if you say that we do not ride
I'll turn your freaking hide, ride
Kyle's fingers be silver, Jack's voice then be gold
But lest you think we're vain
We know you're all robots and we don't care
Tenacious D, we reign
We reign supreme, ohh God
Burrito Supreme and a Chicken Supreme
And a Cutlass Supreme
Supreme, yeah, go now, Kyle 1, 2, 3
Supreme, go now, Kyle, 1, 2, 3
Supreme, go now, Kyle, 1, 2, 3
Burrito Supreme and a Chicken Supreme
And a Cutlass Supreme
Dude, i totally miss you
I really fucking miss you
I'm all alone,
All the time, all the time
Dude, i totally miss you
The things we did together
Where have you gone?
Totally miss the honesty
And special times, and honestly
I totally miss the fucked up thing ya do
Dude, i totally miss you
I totally miss you
Dude, i totally miss you
All the time
Ahhhhhhhhhh, aaaaaah
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh, aaaaaah
aah ya-he haaa.
Totally miss the honesty
And special times, and honestly
I totally miss the fucked up thing ya do
Dude, i totally miss you
I totally miss you
Dude, i totally miss you
The mission is clear,
i'm going over there
I'm going to do the mission
I flip around the corner,
flat as a pancake
And then i- oh noo! A camera
Stay back here,
devise a plan
Dive into the bushes
Against all odds
Infiltrate,
storm the gates!
storm the gates!
Ninja style,
samuri (Storm the gates!)
Metal pole,
climb that shit (Storm the gates)
Climb into that mother-fucker
Now i'm climbin up,
up on the roof
I got cat-like reflexes
Against all odds
Infiltrate,
oh! storm the gates!
Two air-vents on the roof,
thats what the guy was talkin a- Shit!
Electric Eye
Infiltrate,
storm the gates!
storm the gates!
I am complete
Funch
Yes, you are stuck, so out of luck
Now I'm complete and my jock you will pluck
This world will be mine and you're first in line
You brought me the pick and now you shall both die
Wait, wait, wait, you mother trucker
We challenge you to a rock off
Give us one chance to rock your socks off
Damn, dradge, fudge, The Demon Code prevents me
From declining a rock off challenge
What are your terms? What's the catch?
If we win, you must take
Your sorry butt back to Hades
And also you will have to pay our rent
And what if I win?
Then you can take Kage back to Hell
What? Trust me Kage, it's the only way
What you talking about? To be your little boy
Fine, let the Rock Off begin
I'm the Devil, I love metal
Check this riff, it's hot and tasty
I'm the Devil, I can do what I want
Whatever I've got, I'm gonna flaunt
There's never been a rock off that I've ever lost
I can't wait to take Kage back to Hell
I'm gonna fill him with my hot demon gel
I'll make him squeal like my Scarlet Pimpernel
No, c'mon Kage, bring the thunder
There's just no way that we can win
That was a masterpiece, listen to me
He rocks too hard because he's not a mortal man
Go, churn it, Kage
He's gonna make you his best slave
You're gonna gargle mayonnaise
No, unless we bust a massive monster mama jam
Dude, it's been a long, long trip
De-activated lasers with my trick
Now it's time to blow this mother down
C'mon Kage, now it's time to blow doors down
I hear you, Jables, now it's time to blow doors down
Light up the stage 'cuz it's time for a showdown
We'll bend you over then we'll take you to brown town
Now we've got to blow this mother down
He's gonna takee me if we do not blow doors down
C'mon Kage 'cuz it's time to blow doors down
We'll bomb drive you, it's time for the black out
Hey anti-Christ-er, Beelzeboss
We know your weakness, our rocket sauce
We rock the casbah and blow your mind
We will defeat you for all mankind
You hold the scepter, we hold the key
You are the Devil, we are the D
We are the D, we are the D
We are the D, we are the D
We are the D, we are the D
We are the D, we are the D
We are the D, we are the D
We are the D, we are the D
We are the D, we are the D
We are the D, we are the D, we are the D
You guys are freaking lame
Come on, Kage, you're coming with me
Taste my lightning, truckers, no
Oh, shucks, you broke my horn, oh no
From whence you came, you shall remain
Until you are complete again, no
Curse you, Kage and curse you, Jables
I'll get you Tenacious D
Last week, Kyle quit the band,
Now we're back together, uh.
Misunderstanding, didn't understand.
It doesn't matter, now we're back together again.
A-la la la la la.
Couldn't split up Kato and Nash. (that's true)
Couldn't split up Tango and Cash.
That's also true!
This is our song of exultant joy because
We only came to kick some ass.
Rock the fuckin' house and kick some ass.
What we gonna do with all the cash?
Smoke hash, and then we thrash.
We'll throw a big ol' bash y'all.
And everyone is invited to the bash.
And everyone you're all invited to the bash!
To be the best
We got to pass the test
We gotta make it all the way
To the top of the mountain
We can do it again!
To feel the high
We got to learn to fly
We got to take it to the sky
On the wings of an eagle!
You're the best in the world!
You are the best but you say you don't know
You got the touch, now come on let it show
You call the shots
But you know that you gots to believe in
The things that you're dreaming
Your search for the meaning
Is very Revealing
The power of Being
Is what you're feeling
You gotta believe
Cause it's the Pick!
Of Destiny child,
you know I will be rockin' cause it's fucking insane!
Cause it's the Pick!
Of Destiny child,
More precious than a diamond on a platinum chain!
In Venice Beach, there was a man named Kage
When he was buskin' he was all of the rage.
He met Jables and he taught him well,
all the techniques that were developed in hell.
Cock pushups and the power slide,
geek simulation now there's nowhere to hide.
They formed a band they named Tenacious D,
and then they got the Pick of Destiny.
Cause it's the Pick!
Of Destiny child,
you know I will be rockin' cause it's fucking insane!
Cause it's the Pick!
Of Destiny child,
our tasty grooves are better than a chicken chow mein!
Cause he who is sleazy,
is easy to pleasy.
And she who is juicy,
must be loosy-goosey.
And he who is groovy,
will be in my movie,
so come on!
The wizard and the demons had a battle royale,
the demon almost killed him with an evil kapow,
but then he broke a tooth thus the demon said ouw.
Cause it's the Pick!
Of Destiny child,
you know I will be rockin' cause it's fucking insane!
Cause it's the Pick!
Of Destiny child,
you know our movie's better than the Citizen Kane!
Cause he who's a geezer,
must live in my freezer.
And she who is starkey,
is full of mularkey.
And he who is groovy,
must be in my movie,
so come on!
Oh! Cause if you're a diva,
then go to Geneva.
And if you're a carny,
then suck on my bony.
And if you are groovy,
then get in my movie!
It's called the Pick of Destiny!
You can't kill the metal
Metal will live on
Punk Rock tried to kill the metal
But they failed as they were smite to the ground
New Wave tried to kill the metal
But they failed as they were stricken down to the ground
Grunge tried to kill the metal
They failed as they were thrown to the ground
No one can destroy the metal
The metal will strike you down with a vicious blow
We are the vanquished foes of the metal
We tried to win for why, we do not know
New Wave tried to destroy the metal
But the metal had its way
Grunge, then tried to dethrone the metal
But metal was in the way
Punk Rock tried to destroy the metal
But metal was much too strong
Techno tried to defile the metal
But Techno was proven wrong
That's the first thing I say to you, How's it goin`? Are you flowin`? Listen honey, thinkin` bout a couple things to say to you. Showin`, growin`. And I'd like to place my hands upon your fuckin` sexy ass and squeeze, and squeeze.
Take off your blouse and your underpants, then take a look, cause here me and KG come naked, out of the side hatch. Pretty oils and perfume, and insense. Now you're groovin, put on a cool '70s groove, a funky groove to fuck you, the funky groove that fucks you. You guessed it, me, me and KG.
It's all about sex supreme, we likes to cream jeans. Have you ever been worked on, by two guys who are hot for your snatch? That's what I'm offerin` you. You step into our room, and then you smell the perfumes. You lay upon our roundish bed, and then you feel a tickling on your head. It's KG with a feather, the French tickler, look out baby he's got the tools.
Rock is dead, rock is dead
Rock is dead, rock is dead
Talk to my friend, that's what he said
Is rock still around? No rock is dead
It's all over, rock and roll is dead
Bottle of jack, Mercury Fred
Muscle car, Grateful Dead
Lord of the Rings, Zeppelin Led
Devil tattoo, Right Said Fred
It's all over, rock and roll is dead
Take it Kones!
Started with blues, Belly of lead
Then there was Elvis, Nicky some red
Beatles arrive, started a trend
Axl Rose, give me some head
It's all over, rock and roll is dead
Rock is dead, rock is dead
Rock is dead, rock is dead
Get that freight train out of my head
Because a rock and a roll is a fuckin' dead
It's all over, rock and roll is dead
It's all over, rock and roll is dead
It's all over, rock and roll
Oh so baby now, rock and roll
R-r-r-r-r-rock and roll
Is dead
Cause it's the Pick of Destiny child,
you know we will be rockin' cause it's fuckin' insane.
It's just the Pick of Destiny child,
More precious than a diamond on a platinum chain.
In Venice Beach there was a man named Kage.
When he buskin he was all the rage.
He met Jables and he taught him well.
All the techniques that were developed in hell.
Cock-pushups and the power slide.
Gig simulation now there's nowhere to hide.
They formed a band they named Tenacious D.
and then they got the Pick Of Destiny.
Cause it's the Pick of Destiny child,
you know we will be rockin' cause it's fuckin' insane.
It's just the Pick of Destiny child,
our tasty moves are better than a chicken chow mein.
Cause he who is sleazy,
is easy to pleasy.
and she who is juicy,
must be loosy-goosey.
and he who is groovy,
will be in my movie, so come on!
The wizard and the demon had a battle royale,
The demon almost killed him with an evil kapow.
But then he broke his tooth,
and thus the demon said Ow.
Cause it's the Pick of Destiny child,
you know we will be rockin' cause it's fuckin' insane.
It's just the Pick of Destiny child,
you know our movie's better than a Citizen Kane
Cause he who's a geezer,
must live in my freezer.
and she who is snarky,
is full of malarkey.
and he who is groovy,
must be in my movie, so come on!
Cause if you're a diva,
then go to Geneva.
and if you're a croney,
then suck on my boney.
and if you are groovy,
then get in my movie,
It's called the Pick of Destiny.
Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee
Lee Lee Lee Lee Lee Lee Lee Lee Lee
We're talkin' fuckin' Lee
I had a friend named Lee
He cast a spell a spell on me
If me and Lee and KG could be three
Flyin' free Tenaciously
Skinny-dippin' in a sea of Lee
I'd propose on bended knee
To Lee Lee Lee, Lee Lee Lee
Lee Lee
Lee Lee Lee, Lee Lee Lee
Lee Lee
Le-Lut-Le-Le-Le-Lee Lee Lee
Le-Lut-Le-Le-Le-Lee Lee
If me, and Lee, and KG
(That's me)
Could be three
(Could be three)
Plant a tree
(Plant a tree)
Just for Lee
(Just for Lee)
Just for Lee
(Lee)
Just for Lee
Lee, Lee, Lee
Lee, Lee, Lee
Kyle took a bullet for me
now I've got to rock for three.
KG and me, don't forget about Tenacious D.
I took a bullet for JB, now I'm in heaven and I can see
your decision to rescue me
was definitely Poops McGee.
No way, no KG, I disagree
Why?
Your decision to rescue me
yeah?
Was a decision to set you free
was definitely Poops McGee.
Wait, this is fuckin` with my head.
I totally thought you was dead
just remember what you said
the medallion's made of bullet-proof lead.
Whoa!
Kyle took a bullet for me
now I've got to rock for three.
KG and me
I took a bullet for JB
Now i'm in heaven and i can see
No no no, no no no
Together:
This is a song for the ladies
But fellas listen closely
You don't always have to fuck her hard
In fact sometimes that's not right to do
Sometimes you've got to make some love
And fuckin give her some smoochies too
Sometimes ya got to squeeze
Sometimes you've got to say please
Sometime you've got to say hey
I'm gonna Fuck you softly
I'm gonna screw you gently
I'm gonna hump you sweetly
I'm gonna ball you discreetly
And then you say hey I bought you flowers
And then you say wait a minute sally
I think I got somethin in my teeth
Could you get it out for me
That's fuckin teamwork
Whats your favorite posish?
That's cool with me
Its not my favorite
But I'll do it for you
Whats your favorite dish?
Im not gonna cook it
But ill order it from Zanzibar
And then I'm gonna love you completely
And then I'll fuckin fuck you discreetly
And then I'll fucking bone you completely
But then I'm gonna fuck you hard
Climb upon my faithful steed,
Then we gonna ride,
gonna smoke some weed.
Climb upon my big-ass steed,
And ride, ride, ride.
Weeee-eee-eee-eeeee-eeeee-eee-eee-eeeee-eeeee-eeeee-eeeee,
What's the name of the song,
Explosivo!
Don't know what it's about,
But it's good to go.
What's the name of my girlfriend
I don't know,
But she's built like the shit
And she's good to go, go,
She's good to go,
She's good to go.
We are fuelled by Satan,
Yes we're schooled by Satan.
Fuelled by Satan!
Writin' those tasty riffs
just as fast as we can.
Schooled by Satan!
We were the inventors
of the cosmic astral code.
We've come to blow you away,
We've come to blow your nose.
We've come to fuckin' blow,
We've come to blow the show.
We've come to fuckin' blow,
You know it, you know it!
Weeee-eee-eee-eeeee-eeeee-eee-eee-eeeee-eeeee-eeeee-eeeee,
What's the name of the song,
Explosivo!
Don't know what it's about
But it's good to riddle-ah!
I am not one of you. I come from an ancient time.
I am known as The Kicker of Elves. I am also known as The Angel Crusher!
Okay, uh...
If I could say just one thing to y'all tonight...
I'd say set the artist free. M'talkin' bout this artist, in here. Just set it free.
I'm saying: Quit your day job. Now I know what you're saying "I can't quit my day job. I got kids to feed, Jack."
Quit your day job.
focus on your craft. Just once, before it's all over, you've died, you've squandered it.
You fuckin robots!
And after a couple of years, of you focusing earnestly on your craft, KG and I will swoop, we'll check out your progress, and encourage you: To continue!!
Or we can say STOP!
And then seriously you must stop.
Or penalties will be created and enforced.
Cause listen: This is the problem:
Sometimes you follow your heart,
sometimes your heart cuts a fart (poot)
thats the cosmic shame.
Thats the cosmic sha-ha-ha-ame.
and I know what you're saying now: You're saying "what makes you guys so fucking good!?"
I don't know! and I don't like it! I stay up laughing, going why can't everybody fucking have it? Cause some people learn it in the streets,some people learn it in the schools, but me and KG we were fucking born with it homes, just check it out:
(scat)
that came off my fucking head yall (off top his head yall) x8
J: Hey Kage
K: Jables
J: How goes it man?
K: S'good... s'good
J: Y'know I been thinking a lot about it, and um, I just want us to be the
Best fucking band in the world.
K: Well yeah me too!
J: There's no point in doing it if we're not the best.
K: Well s'true. I agree with that.
J: I mean what, yeah we're gonna be, yeah we're really good. We're like
Almost as good as Arcade Fire, fuck that.
K: Yeah
J: We gotta leave those fuckers in the dust!
K: What, what do you...
J: All those fucking youngsters gotta lick our fucking boot or fuck it!
Y'know what I mean?
K: Yeah! Yeah, well what, how do we do that though?
J: *sigh* Dude you need to fucking have some lessons.
K: What!
J: I know, you're really good but you gotta expand your game.
K: Lessons!
J: Y'know how Koby in the off season would go and like, learn a fucking,
Y'know a Texas Two-Step or something, to add to his arsenal?
K: Man, yeah, that's true. That's true.
J: Well I've just been noticing some of your classic riffs are a little
Sloppy.
K: Really?
J: And I, I hope you're not pissed off at me but I went ahead and hired a
Dude.
K: Yeah? Oh no, what!
J: Dude, just give it a chance will you? If you don't like- ah hey! I
Swear, if you don't like it we'll fucking fire his ass. He's out.
K: Who is this guy? I never...
J: His name is Felix Char (?)
K: Urgh, what.
J: He's from Spain and he is the best.
K: Oh god...
J: I got him from the fucking London Phildsarmonic. (Meant to be
Philharmonic)
K: Urgh, I just, I don't know him, it seems weird!
J: Will you just, will you just spend a minute with him?
K: OK. Alright. I'll spend a minute with him.
J: OK bro, he's right outside I'm sending him in.
K: Oh god, OK. Why? Lessons, so stupid.
F: Hello?
K: Uh, hi!
F: Hello, I am Felix Char.
K: Hi, uh. Felix? Yeah, um.
F: Ah, as, Jack as asked me to spend some time with you. Uh.
K: OK, hm.
F: One on one. So, while Jack is outside, ah we will work on your
Technique.
K: OK.
F: Can I see you pick up, is this your guitar here?
K: Yup. Yeah, I gotta it, I gotta it right over here.
F: Ah, it is a Fender ay? Is this a Fender?
K: Ah well it's a Gibson.
F: Yes a Gibson, yes. Made by the same, uh, manufacturer. Pick it up
Please, can you pick it up?
K: OK. Yeah.
F: No, no, no, d-d-d-d-d-d-d bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap!
K: What? What'd I do? What'd I do?
F: You pick it up from the neck! This is not the way you pick up a guitar!
K: I just picked it up, I just-
F: No, no, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, cállate tu bocar, pick it up from the
Body.
K: The what!
F: The body.
K: Oh the body! Body, OK.
F: I'm sorry about my accent.
K: I didn't know, I didn't know.
F: Now listen to me. I want you to play, like it is a woman. You go and
Play the guitar now. Play.
K: Uh, OK? Uh.
F: No, no, no, no, no. You, your fingers. Your fingers are too tight.
K: They're too tight?
F: Yes, let me get behind you. Like this, you see?
K: Oh! Hn.
F: If I put my finger, on your finger.
K: Hey!
F: Then you can feel...
K: I can! Wait!
F: Sh, sh, sh, sh, shu! Finger to your mouth. I put my finger on your
Mouth, on your lips.
K: Mhmhm!
F: Yes that's good.
K: Hey man!
F: Now listen hey, you want to play like an orgasm.
K: I'm just try- what! ?
F: Feel this. Do you feel that?
K: Oh god! This is really weird man!
F: That's my cock.
K: WHAT!
F: That's my cock in your butt cheeks.
K: OH GOD! Hey!
F: Do you feel it?
K: NO!
F: Now I'm going to tough your cock.
K: OW!
F: Let me touch your penis.
J: It's me!
K: WHAT!
J: It's me. It's JB.
K: GOD!
J: There's no Felix dude.
K: What are you doing!
J: I'm FUCKING WAKING YOU UP! I'm TRYING TO SHAKE YOUR FOUNDATIONS!
K: By touching me with your penis!
J: YES! By fucking touching your penis! Whatever it takes!
K: God!
J: That's all I'm saying dude! I'm making a point! Let's get fucking
High above the mucky-muck, castle made of clouds
There sits Wonderboy, sitting oh so proudly
Not much to say when you're high above the mucky-muck
Yeah, yeah
Wonderboy, what is the secret of your power?
Wonderboy, won't you take me far away from the mucky-muck man?
Now it's time for me to tell you about Young Nastyman
Archrival and nemesis of Wonderboy
With powers comparable to Wonderboy
What powers you ask? I dunno how 'bout the power of flight?
That do anything for ya? That's levitation, Holmes
How 'bout the power to kill a yak from 200 yards away
With mind bullets, that's telekinesis, Kyle
How 'bout the power to move you?
History of Wonderboy and Young Nastyman
Riggah goo goo, riggah goo goo
A secret to be told, a gold chest to be bold,
And blasting forth with three-part harmony, yeow!
Wonderboy, what is the secret of your power?
Wonderboy, won't you take me far away from the mucky-muck man?
Well, Wonderboy and Young Nastyman joined forces
They formed a band the likes of which have never been seen
And they called themselves Tenacious D
That's right
Me, and KG, that's me, we're now Tenacious D
Come fly with me, fly
Wonderboy, what is the secret of your power?
Wonderboy, won't you take me far away from the mucky-muck man
Oh, take my hand Young Nastyman, and we'll fly
Bring out your broadsword, there's the hydra
Slice his throat, and grab his scroat
You take the high road, I'll take the low
[Spoken]
This is the greatest and best song in the world... Tribute.
Long time ago me and my brother Kyle here,
we was hitchhikin' down a long and lonesome road.
All of a sudden, there shined a shiny demon... in the middle... of the road.
And he said:
[Sung]
"Play the best song in the world, or I'll eat your soul." (soul)
[Spoken]
Well me and Kyle, we looked at each other,
and we each said... "Okay."
[Sung]
And we played the first thing that came to our heads,
Just so happened to be,
The Best Song in the World, it was The Best Song in the World.
Look into my eyes and it's easy to see
One and one make two, two and one make three,
It was destiny.
Once every hundred-thousand years or so,
When the sun doth shine and the moon doth glow
And the grass doth grow...
Needless to say, the beast was stunned.
Whip-crack went his rubber tail,
And the beast was done.
He asked us: "(snort) Be you angels?"
And we said, "Nay. We are but men."
Rock!
Ahhh, ahhh, ahhh-ah-ah,
Ohhh, whoah, ah-whoah-oh!
This is not The Greatest Song in the World, no.
This is just a tribute.
Couldn't remember The Greatest Song in the World, no, no.
This is a tribute, oh, to The Greatest Song in the World,
All right! It was The Greatest Song in the World,
All right! It was the best muthafuckin' song the greatest song in the world.
[2-part skat]
[Spoken]
And the peculiar thing is this my friends:
the song we sang on that fateful night it didn't actually sound
anything like this song.
[Sung]
This is just a tribute! You gotta believe it!
And I wish you were there! Just a matter of opinion.
Ah, fuck! Good God, God lovin',
So surprised to find you can't stop it.
[Skat]
Moses came down from the hill
Holding the rules in his hand
Looked all around
Suddenly found
Noone was listening
Now it's time to throw down
So throw down
Throw down
We throw down
Throw down
Jesus turned water to wine
The star in the sky was a sign
They called him a liar
You're not the messiah
Get out of the temple
Now it's time to throw down
So throw down
Yeah throw down
We throw down
Throw down
And then came a man i can't name
Because if i do i'll be maimed
They'll chop off my head
And then i'll be dead
You know who i'm talking about
It's time to throw down
So throw down
Yeah throw down
We throw down aaaah
Throw down
All religions of the world today
We got to leave 'em alone
We got to use our fucking brains today
Before we're gone
Before we're goooooooooone
RIGHT NOW!!!
The three of them fought in the rain
The world was completely insane
Sound the alarms
Nuclear bombs
You crazy motherfucker now
It's time to throw down
So throw down
Yeah throw down
Throw down yeaaaaaaaah
They fucked our asses,
They fucked 'em hard,
But we kept our indie cred,
For the whole nine yards,
Hi-a-a-a
They blocked our album,
They fucked our show,
But we marched through hill and bill,
Through the ice and snow,
The road is fuckin' hard,
The road is fuckin' tough-ah,
There's no question that-eh
It is rough, rough stuff.
It's the fuckin' road my friend
But it's the only road I know.
When I'm lunchin' on a tasty boosh
Right after the show.
You g-go go go!
The road is fuckin' hard,
It's also really fuckin' tough,
There's no question that
It don't take no guff.
The road is a be-a-itch my friend
But it's the only fuckin' road I know,
When I'm snackin' on a tasty boosh
Right after the show.
You g-go go go!
I met a tasty baby in Michigan.
We screwed two times then I left.
Sometimes I think of my baby in Michigan.
Why can't I stay in one place
For more than two days.
Why?!
Because I'm talkin' about the road.
The government totally sucks
You motherfucker
The government totally sucks
Ben Franklin was a rebel indeed
He liked to get naked while he smoked on the weed
He was a genius but if he was here today
The government would fuck him up his righteous A!
Now let me tell you something about the government (uh huh)
They're fucking up the environment (say what?)
They're taking all the fucking beautiful animals (yeah?)
And making them fucking extinct (oh no!)
The government totally sucks
You motherfucker
The government totally sucks
The government totally sucks
Cos the land of love and freedom,
Is just a baby's breath away
And if we hold hands together
We can bring back the USA
The USAAAAAA, yeah!
Bring back the USAAAA, yeah!
The fucking USAAAA yeah!
Bring back the US!
Government totally sucks!
That was amazing, you changed people's lives tonight!
Well I'm telling you to step outside
Oh really?
Yeah, we got some things to talk about
A little lady named Conchita
Hey!
Yeah, you harmed her
What? Who said? Who are you?
Yeah, fuck you you piece of shit
When my fist connects at Larry, falls down to the ground
I see he's cut me with a bottle
My pistol rises, cause it's time to double down
Larry runs, I chase him out full-throttle
Donde estas mi horse? Ayee
Digame, donde esta Larry? Ayee
En los montanes? Donde, en los canyon?
Muy bien, cold-water canyon?
Andale, hey, ha, ha
Ah, te llamo mi Conchita
Yo tengo hambre para tu voca
Mira mi cara
Soy en fuego para tu bueso
Mi amor
Watchin' Larry in his sanctuary thinkin' that he got away
With Conchita, oh my mamacita, kissing him upon the face
I fuckin' rue the day that I fought for you
Now my mind is spinnin' out of control
Ah I'm sorry mamacita
Oh my little senorita
Friendship is rare,
Do you know what I'm sayin' to you?
Friendship is rare.
My derriere,
When you find out much later
That they don't really care.
It's rare to me, can't you see?
It's rare to me, can't you see?
Oh shit there's a bear,
Could you hand me that shotgun buddy,
Also that chair?
We're fighting a bear
Now your life's in grave danger
And you don't even care.
It's rare to me, can't you see?
It's rare to me, can't you see?
It's rare to me,
Say a prayer for me,
'Cause it's rare to be
In Tenacious D.
Friends will be friends
They're running naked in the sand,
Friends holding hands
Will someday surely form a band,
Friends will be friends
They say that friends are friends
To the bitter end.
Long-as-there's-a-record-deal-we'll-always-be-friends!
Long-as-there's-a-record-deal-we'll-always-be-friends!
Friends will be friends
They're running naked in the sand,
Friends holding hands
Will someday surely form a band,
Friends will be friends
They say that friends are friends
To the bitter end.
Long-as-there's-a-record-deal-we'll-always-be-friends!
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6-6-6!
It doesn't matter if it is good,
It only matters if it rocks.
The main thing that we do is to rock your socks off.
There's no such thing as a rock prodigy,
'Cause rock 'n roll is bogus, right KG? (right!)
Only thing that really matters is a classical sauce.
And that's why me and KG are classically trained
To rock your fuckin' socks off!
Give 'em a taste KG.
Okay.
That is Bach and it rocks
It's a rock block of Bach
That he learned in the school
Called the school of hard knocks!
Give it up for KG, give it up for me,
Give it up for KG, give it up for me,
Give it up for rock,
Give it up for blues,
Give it up for everything that is not to lose.
Now rock your socks off woman,
We'll rock your shit up y'all.
Give it up children now to freak your shit out!
All right!
Now I know what a lot of you are sayin':
"I just figured out what I'm 'onna do with the rest of my days.
I'm 'onna get me an oversized guitar, gain forty pounds and be the next D.
" Well I got sour news for you, jack. It ain't that easy.
For instance, are you willing to make the commitment to wakin' up
at the crack a' noon, for deep-knee rock squats!?
Seven or eight at a time!? In a row?
How 'bout are you willing to make the commitment
to rock-hard tasty abs washer-board style?
Glistening in the sun. How 'bout are you willin' to make the commitment,
wakin' up, goin' okay, it's gig time, what t-shirt am I gonna wear?
Can't decide: Can't decide: Brain aneurysm!
We've been through so much bullshit just to be here tonight
to rock your fuckin' socks off. And all we ask in return is so precious little.
All we're askin' you to do is drop trou and squeeze out
a Cleveland Steamer on my chest.
2-3-4,
Give it up for KG, give it up for me,
Give it up for KG, give it up for me,
Give it up for rock, give it up for blues,
Give it up for everything that is not to lose.
Now rock your socks off woman,
We'll rock your shit up y'all.
Give it up children won't you freak your shit out!
Well it's 3 P.M.
Time to lug the gear
Gotta get it on the stage
My muscles flex, my fuckin' sweat will save the day
When I check the mic
I fucka' check the mic
I fucka' checka' checka' 1, 2, 3
I plug it in, I make it sound as good as can be
Cuz the rockers rock
But the roadie's roll
Gotta take them like it, cuz I take control
Gotta get that shit up on that fuckin' stage
Cuz the roadie knows what the roadie knows
And the roadie knows that he wears black clothes
And he hides off in the shadows of the stage
Because the roadie looks 1000 miles with his eyes
And when the crowd roars:
Brings a teardrop to the roadies eyes
Tears of pride
Because he brought you the show
But you will never know
He's changing the strings
While hiding in the wings
No matter how hard, the show must go on
Then a beautiful girl come to me she
Says, "hey can I suckka your dick"
I say yes, I am in love
Then she quickly said, "I sucked your dick, now gimme that backstage pass"
I do not want you roadie, I want K.G's chode
I'm standing at the threshold of your dreams
Without me there'd be now sound from those amps
Without me there'd be no lights on the stage
But you don't applaud for me
I am the roadie:
A lonesome warrior searching for a soul (no! )
I am the roadie:
I make the rock go!
When The Pick of Destiny was released it was a bomb
And all the critics said that the D was done
The sun had set and the chapter had closed
But one thing no one thought about was the D would rise again
Just like the phoenix
We'll fuckin' rise again
That's right, the phoenix
Will rise again, y'all
'Cause the fiery heart of a champion cannot be quelched
By a failure or an embarrassment, no way, no
And the critics all agreed it was a stinky pile of chee
But that does not mean that our hearts are not strong
Just like the phoenix
We'll fuckin' rise again, y'all
That's right, the phoenix
Will rise again, aw
Sun shining, it's a hell of a day
Bright is back and it's headed your way
D's here, now we're puttin' on a show
We'll stink it up, then we will need a window
Out rockin', yeah we're rockin' again
Black Mamba is my personal friend
Phil Jackson is the master of zen
We'll pick you up, keep you over the weekend
It's the rise of the phoenix
It's the call of attack
And you'll know when you've seen us
The fuckin' D is back, y'all
Lovemakin' all the way to the top
Boots smokin', but I'm not gonna stop
Bossa Nova is a beautiful dance
Hot-blooded, that's lots of romance
It's the rise of the phoenix
And we ride with the pack
It's the magic between us
The fuckin' D is back
But what if it's true?
If Tenacious D has died, what will we do?
And what will we do
About all the fans who have the D tattoo?
They'll have them removed
They'll have to laser off the D tattoos
Tattoos
They'll have to laser off the D tattoo, aw
Wait a minute Cage
What's that you say?
You know it's not too late
Yes it is too late
We only need one hit
Just imagine it
We could be the shit
Too legit to quit
One hit
One hit
One hit
Yeah we're hoping this is it
One hit
Top 10 hit
Top 40 hit
Top 1000 hit
Aw, we don't care, as long as we get there
We'll start anew
And you can get a new Tenacious D tattoo
Well me and Kage are hungry
We're hungry for some fruit
We wander through the garden
It would be a hoot
To eat some low hanging fruit
We're on a freaky pursuit
Don't want no high class model in designer fucking bathing suit
We want the low hanging fruit
Me and Kage are horny
We looking for a snack
Looking for a plump one
With a tasty crack
We want some low hanging fruit
She wears a bee keeper suit
She got the shit kickin' boot
We need the low hanging fruit
She got the flip flops on with hot red potatoes
And a butt floss thong with fried green tomatoes
And she loves the song we sing for the ladies c'mon
Oh my God[Freestyle]
Low hanging fruit
She wears a pink parachute
She got the black tattoo and the honky tonkin' daisy dukes
We love the low hanging fruit
We got the high class voodoo not gonna fuck me
But the low class voodoo sweet chunky monkey
When you smoke that bood it smell like a skunky c'mon
Dude, we gotta fuckin' write something new. C'mon.
I don't like that. So far ba--, off to a bad start.
Better, closer, warmer.
That's it. Okay.
I love ya baby but all I can think about is
Kielbasa sausage, your butt cheeks is warm.
I check my dipstick, you need lubrication honey,
My kielbasa sausage has just got to perform.
Now get it on!
I see you walkin', but all I can think about is
Dianetics, your butt cheeks is warm.
I check my dipstick, you need lubrication honey,
My kielbasa sausage has just got to perform.
Now I've been set loose-ah,
I'm shooting my juice-ah,
Right in your caboose.
Now fuckin' get it on!
Now get it on.
Get it on!
Dianetics cure ya much better than Krishna,
Dianetics cure ya much better indeed,
And all you people here you're tremendous,
(Except the people in the middle),
And you're smokin' up a big-ass bowl of weed
With me, me and KG.
All right!
Oh yeah,
All right! Oh my God!
All the ladies in the house say yeah (yeah),
C'mon, you muthafucka say a prayer (prayer),
When ya fight, ya gotsta fight fair,
You muthafucka, ho, you muthafucka,
You know what time it is?
Tenacious D time, you muthafucka, go!
Fuck yeah!
Yeah, yeah!
JB: Kage?
KG: Wha... Hey... wha... what's happenin?
JB: What are you doin here?
KG: Oh I... uh... just... uh... I think I forgot somethin... Just you
Know...
JB: Wait a second. It's like 2am, In the middle of the night
KG: Yeah
JB: And you're here in the recording studio alone?
KG: So?
JB: So what up?
KG: It's...
JB: Explain yourself
KG: I just had to... you know... come back and... uh... ah...
JB: What are you... What's that behind your back?
KG: It's just a...
JB: Is that a flute?... Dude are you comin in here at night with a
fuckin flute and layin down flute tracks?... YOU GOD DAMN
MOTHER FUCKIN' STUPID PIECE OF SHIT!
KG: What's behind your back?
JB: What do you mean?
KG: What's behind your back?
JB: uhhh...
KG: What are you doin out here anyway?
JB: What do you mean 'What am I doin here?', What are you doin
here?
KG: Well, what are you doin here? You're on my shit about bein
here, what are you doin here? What do YOU have behind your... ?
That's a Trombone!
JB: So what... I was gonna... lay down... FUCK YOU! I'LL FIGHT
YOU!
KG: Ahhh!
Damn, a hard day's rockin'. Better slip off ma shoes.
Maybe give a little stretch, and a bend.
Dip m'toe to jacuzzi, baby. Slip out this book:
The Buttress of Windsor. Ho ho ho, who's this? How's it goin'?
That's the first thin' I say to you.
How's it goin'? Are you flowin'?
Listen honey,
Thinkin' 'bout a couple things to say to you,
Showin', growin',
Man I'd like to place my hand
upon your fuckin' sexy ass and squeeze.
And squeeze!
Take off your blouse,
And your underpants,
Then take a look,
'Cause here me and KG come naked,
Out of the side-hatch,
With the oils and perfume and incense.
Now you're groovin',
Put on a cool '70s groove.
A funky groove to fuck to.
A funky groove to fuck to.
Me, me and KG,
It's all about sex supreme,
We likes to cream jeans. (sex)
Have you ever been worked on
By two guys who are hot for your snatch? (sex)
That's what I'm offerin' you.
You step into our room,
And then you smell the perfume,
You lay upon our roundish bed,
And then you feel a tickling on your head.
It's KG with the feather and the French tickler,
Look out baby he got the tools.
And then you feel sumpin' down by your feet.
It's me, it's JB, I'm suckin' upon your toes.
We don't mind sucking on toes!
Good luck finding a boyfriend who sucks toe, ow!
Havin' sex with me and KG,
Now you're talkin' double team supreme.
Let's roll!
Ahh, oh!
What! Yeah! Huh! Nah! Oh!
Ah, that's it, that's right, ohmygah, oh-I-think-I'm-gonna, Ohh!
Deht! Deht! Eeee!
...Splooge!
That was the one.
Hail Satan!
Hail Satan!
Hail Satan!
(JB Scat intro)
The world is fucking turning to shit
The Earth don’t stand a chance
Hurricane Typhoon will destroy the city
We got to clean up the skies and recycle
We got to stop the over-population
But most important of all
We got to build a Deth Starr
Deth Starr it’s a fucking ship
It’s a son of a bitch, y’all
And we’re building it, it’s gonna
Take us up into the sky
We don’t need the Earth
We gonna fucking fly sky high
Deth Starr it’s a son of a bitch, y’all
Gonna take us into Outer Space
Get your shit together mother-fucker
We gonna start a new
Human race in the sky
In the sky
You know we will be rocking
On the Deth Starr
Total eclipse of the sky
Everybody going insane
Futuristic video games
Everybody have a good time
Synthesizing water to wine
But Hahhhhahaow
How?
I hired a nerd
I fucking paid a nerd
It is absurd but
I paid him to build it, ‘cause
I don’t know how to build that shit
That’s right!
There’s a vacuum in space
Will fucking suck your face
Day or night
You gots to make it airtight
You gotta build that shit
Make it out-of-sight!
The fucking Deth Starr
You know we will be rocking on
The Deth Starr
It will be democratic on
The Deth Starr
There will be lots of boning
On the Starr
Having lots of sex with my friends
Dipping candle into rear-ends
Boning on a virtual plane
Fucking ‘til I’m fucking insane
(Spoken)
[Jabes:] Oh ya ya ya ya right there
[Kage:] Oh
[Jabes:] Bend over that space module
[Kage:] Oh yeah
[Jabes:] Oh zero gravity, fuck it
[Kage:] Ah yeah
[Jabes:] Hey look there’s Uranus
[Kage:] Oh that shit is tight
We got to build more Starrs
We gots to spread out far
Seven strong
We gots to bang a gong
But baby hold up now
There’s something wrong
What’s that?
That’s a fucking squid
An evil alien squid
Join up ships
We got to let it rips
We got to blow that bitch
To another dimension
Deth Starr
We gotta build a hundred of ‘em
Deth Starr
We spread across the galaxy
The Deth Starr
You know we will be rocking on
The Starr
Deth Starr
We gotta build a million of ‘em
Deth Starr
We spread across the galaxy
The Deth Starr
We must divide and conquer on
The Sta-aa-aarr
DETH STARR!
(Scat interlude)
So we searched the galaxy
For other forms of life
We got to drink their nutrients
To sustain our quality of life
So we scoop up the creatures
Then we put them in a geodesic dome
But the question rises, my friend
What have we become…
Car chase city,
That's the name,
Of my game.
It was all proven,
Now its totally lame!
KG really fucking,
Blew us some ass!
Now we're fucking,
Headed for a,
Total collapse!
Car chase city,
Roll away from a bus!
Thought that we wasn't,
But we totally was!
Car chase city,
Now we're off on the map!
Car chase city,
Now I'm takin' a crap!
Now it's getting hairy,
So we're changin' the key.
Never underestimate,
The power of E!
KG fuckin' put his foot on the gas!
If I go to prison, got the Pick in my ass!
Fuck this shit!
It's gone too far!
Kage pull over, let me out of the car!
Car chase city,
Now we're taking the lane!
KG blew it,
Now we're going insane!
Let's rock!
Let's roll!
Let them try to fill up the hole!
Let's rock!
Let's roll!
Car chase city patrol!
Car chase city!
Car chase city-ah!
Car chase city!
Let's rock!
Let's roll!
Car chase city patrol!
Let's rock!
Let's roll!
Just a fuckin' rigmarole!
Piss!
Speed!
Tremble!
Aagh!
Gas!
Brakes!
Spin it, go Kyle!
So spin it, go Kyle!
S'broke!
Flip it!
Gas!
Nitro!
Let's rock!
Let's roll!
Car chase city patrol!
Let's rock!
Let's roll!
Just a fuckin' rigmarole!
Let's rock!
Let's roll!
Car chase city patrol!
Let's rock!
Let's roll!
Rockin' was the ulti-mofo!
Car chase city!
Car chase city!
Car chase city!
Car chase city!
Hey guys, you're running a little late.
There's no spot left. You got any new material?
What we got's gonna turn your brain to shit.
I am complete!
fuuuuck
yes you are fucked
shit out of luck
now im complete
and my cock you will suck
this world will be mine
and your first in line
you brought me the pick
and now you shall both die!
waait, waaait
waaait you mother fucker
we challenge you to a rock off
give us one chance to rock your socks off
fuck!
fuck!
fuuuuuck!
the demon code prevents me
from declining a rock off challenge
what are your terms
whats the catch?
if we win you must take
your sorry ass back to hell
and also you will have to pay our rent
And what if i win
then you can take kage back to hell
to be your lil' bitch
fine let the rockoff begin!
hahahahaaa!
im the devil i love metal
check this rift its fucking tasty
im the devil i can do what i want
whatever ive got im gonna flaunt
theres never been a rock off that ive ever lost
i cant wait to take kage back to hell
im gonna fill him with my hot demon gel
ill make him squeel like my scarlet pimpernell
nooooooooo!
come on kage bring the thunder!
theres just no way that we can win that was a
masterpeace he rocks to hard becaues hes not a mortal
man.
goddamn it kage he gonna make you his sex slave
you gonna gargle mayonnaise?
unless we bust a massive monster mamajam
dude weve been through so much shit
deactivated lasers with my dick
now its time to blow this fucker down
come on kage cause its time to blow doors down
i here you jables now its time to blow doors down
light up the stage cause its time for a showdown
we'll bend you over than weel take you to brown town
now weve got to blow this fucker down
hes gonna rape me if we do not blow doors down
come on kage cause its time to blow doors down
ohh well pile drive you cause its time to blow doors
down
hay anti-christ beelzeboss
we know your weakness our rocking sauce
we rock the casbah, we blow your mind
we will defeat you for all mankind
you hold the scepter we hold the key
you are the devil
we are the d!
we are the d
we are the d
we are the d
we are the d
we are the d
we are the d
we are the d
we are the d
we are the d
we are the d
we are the d
you guys are fucking lame
come on kage your coming with me
Taste my lightning fuckers
This is the ballad of Hollywood Jack and the Rage Cage
Nothing could stop them when Jables and Rage hit the stage
And Hollywood Jack hit the big time and when to make movies
Rage Kage was left far behind in the dust of his dreams
And he grumbled and growled and watched Hollywood Jack on Jay Leno
He bellowed and said he'd be nothing without help from Kage
He burned up the photos of Jables and Kage doing mushrooms
"Fuck him, I don't need no Hollywood jack anyway"
So Hollywood Jack lived up high on a hill in a bubble
And Rage Kage live deep in the broiling valley below
Yes, the rage Kage bubbled with rage
He looked at the ground
And he looked on the stage
The lava was throwing
And boiling inside the old Kage
As Hollywood Jack climbed the ladder of stardom before him
He watched as his indie credentials flew right out the door
He'd make millions and then he'd go out and he'd make even more millions
He'd screened KG's calls and snorked coke of the ass of a whore
No one respected him
They just rejected him
No one would represent Kage
Left on the streets of his dreams
He'd would cry, and he'd rage for the stage
Ahahaaa
[Solo]
Then Hollywood Jack got a message that Kage was in trouble
They send Kage away cause he had gone completely insane
So Hollywood Jack jumped upon a jetplane and flew all that night through
The rain
To be with his friend to see what remained of his brain
Then Hollywood Jack told the doctors: "You got to retrieve him!"
You've got the technology, use the techniques of your trade
He grabbed their lapels and he screamed "BY GOD YOU MUST SAVE HIM!"
Because Rage Kage and I; can't you see that were one and the same!
Aaaah!
RAGE KAGE!
OH RAGE KAGE!
There'd be magic inside that old name
And you know that you know
When you're going completely insane
Oh the Rage Kage!
Oh the Rage Kage!
All the line we rolled once again
And you know
Yes you know
When you're going completely insane
Nothing and no one could harm the old Rage Kage again,
Nothing and no one could harm the old Rage Kage again,
Nothing and no one could harm the old Rage Kage again,
Nothing and no one could harm the old Rage Kage again,
Nothing and no one could harm the old Rage Kage again,
She's 39, but she still looks young
Not very young, but a lot of fun
She's my 39 lady in the sun
49 and I'm feelin' fine
In the sun that's a lot of fun
Drinkin' mai tais, kickin' back with my flip-flops on
I'm wearin' socks and my toe is tight
I think about her every damn night
39 year-old lady, she looks pretty good to me
I'm 49, drinkin' white wine
Not goin' out with no 19 year-old chickities no more
From now on I got my 39 year-old whore
Don't you call her a whore
I'll fuckin' tear your esophagus out
She's sweet and she's getting old
And she's mine, to have and to hold
She needs a dentist appointment quick
I pay for it and she sucka my dick
When we text each other, I fiddle with my anus
I stick the finger in it!
Then I fuckin' didariddly doo
And I fuckin' gots to spew
Upon my belly, dripped upon my shoe
Get me a tissue
Chardonnay in the setting sun
She's 39, but she's number one
Get the apartment just right, she's comin' over tonight
I like it cause I don't feel scared
She's 39, I'm in my underwear
Here she comes, comin' down the hallway
She's knockin' on my door!
I open the door
There she is, not too bad, good enough
39 year-old lady, young enough for me
Boobies droopin', but she's good enough for me
Trimmed her pussy hairs, good enough for me
Mature woman, she's my lady
Uh huh, uh huh, ooh yeah
She ain't gonna be fuckin' around with no other guys
Nanananah-nah, she's mine, she's my special lady
Special lady
We can see a fuckin' movie
And agree it's a total piece of shit
Comfortable shoes, never lose
We can fuckin' talk about some things
She don't need no diamond rings
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