Thirteen days from now
A jet will set you down at summer's end
Separating by miles of empty sky me from my friend
A regular goodbye won't do at all
So I will write your address down
I'll send thoughts across like morse code
Lines and dots to your new hometown
Your effect on me is too deep to state
I'll write it on my arm with a permanent pen
The stain will stay for days
Will it's meaning ever end?
Your life is breaking open
Streams of words unspoken wash over my brain
As I watch your wings,
Young and unfolding,
Carry you away
This blurry feeling is hard to state
Though we never said love,
It hung in the air
Sleeping tight.
Contented sugarplums danced.
Not a care in the world.
The contract shone with permanence.
The moment had arrived.
Somehow I had survived the questions.
A new road was opening.
It was my chance to sing at long last.
The academic blockade was melting.
When along came a quiet truth with fire for my bed: 911.
Sirens awoke my neighbors.
EMT's confused, asked me where I was bleeding.
But it was so dark.
Waking up in the middle of a freezing night,
I wondered if I'd ever see the sun again.
Wind whistling warnings on my frosty window.
Summer where'd you go?
I dig for answers under snow.
The moment had arrived.
Somehow I had survived the answers.
A new road is opening.
What will tomorrow bring?
You never know.
Finally, the sun came through my window.
No eye contact with your reflection
Hating what's inside yourself again
Maybe your heavy conscience could use some correction
Pay doctor yourself more attention
Secrets will unravel before your eyes
Dig in, kiddo, and separate the truth from the lies
It starts with a small incision
Sharpen up your mental scalpel blade
Pinpoint all the thoughts that are decayed
Cut them out and lay them on a sterile metal tray
Stitch yourself up and just walk away
It starts with a small incision
Sacred lines melted into one blurry impression.
Note says thanx.
Signed in red.
Pumped here from my heart.
Where would I be without your songs?
Likely making up worse ones.
Colored thoughts planted in fall scent springs to my outline.
Moments filled in with the melodies.
Humans speaking.
Boys and girls making noises from whisper to scream.
From the split EP with Howards Alias
Fuck the sky, what when the ground stops falling?
Quick, decide, my thoughts are running, the plane is leaving.
I saw a kitten dead, on Grand Avenue lying.
Eight lives left her dying, she couldn't escape the approaching headlights this time.
No doll, not at all.
No, no doll not at all, not at all.
No doll, not at all.
No, no doll not at all, not at all.
A little quake left our chandelier shaking,
Look outside, the city is burning, the phone is ringing.
I heard a shooting star slammed into the Tribune building.
Was it some young human wishing for an explosion to break the awkward silence?
No doll, not at all.
No, no doll not at all, not at all.
No doll, not at all.
No, no doll not at all, not at all.
Fuck the sky, what when the ground starts falling?
Quick, decide, my thoughts are running, the plane is leaving.
I saw a kitten dead, on Grand Avenue lying.
Eight lives left her dying, she couldn't escape the headlights this time.
No doll, not at all.
No, no doll not at all, not at all.
No doll, not at all.
No, no doll not at all, not at all.
No doll, not at all.
No, no doll not at all, not at all.
No doll, not at all.
When kids dream, they dream of brand names
Lined up on the fence while we take aim
Nevermind the lies
They go great with your new disguise
I know it never crossed your mind
It was engineered not to
Because we know you will love whatever marketing thinks of
Just follow Miss Vuitton
She'll give you something to believe in
And your soul won't feel a thing
Dance around the burning dollars
X million sold
Sing it for the burning dollars
X million sold
Advertised appetites satisfied for a price
Dance around the burning dollars and kiss your innocence goodbye
Circling like sharks around us
Flashing icons gagged and bound us
We're all ears and eyes upon which are capitalized
We lust for whatever bait is laid
Don't be scared
The snarling monsters are deaf,
But let's tiptoe just in case along this wall
Don't let go of my hand
It's getting darker and colder as we go
This place is creepy
But we can't let the fear slow us down
Choke back those tears
We must be brave if we plan on getting out of here
If we want to see the light of day again
Don't be scared
The bloodthirsty beast could catch us
If we let him know we're here
Don't let go of my hand
The dark encroaches
Reaches for our hearts
But we will not let it get us
We must be brave if we plan on getting out of here
This is the best of all possible worlds we kill, are killed, and cry in.
Behold the heartless devil globe we laugh, we love, and smile in.
Opposing sides are both right and wrong at different times.
A man complains about the price of a jag while another is frozen to sleep.
They share a schizophrenic globe.
They walk along the same street.
The cons and pros are relative.
To what we take and what we give.
We're learning ourselves.
Ex girls floating in jars of formaldehyde
Their once magic eyes no longer seem alive
It's time I set all my half-written songs on fire
And feed my dreadful poems to the flames
Why am I keeping all these memories on ice?
Do I really believe their pulses might return?
It's time to torch the piles of extinct fantasies
To detonate and wheel and run while they burn
A knife to drive into the hearts of prior I's
It's for the better
Bid them so long
The moments they lived,
Right or wrong, are gone forever
I'll be something new without them
Staring sculptures of my former favorite friends
Their once laughing voices faint and distant now
I'm weary with the weight of my previous life
I want to push it from a plane and watch it crash down
Laid out side by side those phases with their eyes closed
Laid out in a line my dying boys all wave goodbye
Within the fair estate,
Beyond the locked cast iron gate,
Tenth bedroom on the left,
Second floor,
Daughter has just locked the door
She digs in her purse for the vial
Within the fair estate,
Beside the pristine china vase,
As mother's cold eyes scan the room
Perfect, white
Not a speck of dust in sight
She's startled by the stereo upstairs
A daughter's heart racing toward a flatline with no brakes
Toward a glow-white E.R. to match the mansion
Fashionably sterilized staring eyes close
Within the fair estate,
Doctor's attention came too late to stop the amphetamines
Mother's love for the girl,
Or lack thereof,
Had curled it's icy fingers around her throat
Where were you when I needed you?
Within the fair estate,
Beside the most luxurious grave,
Mother's eyes are melting ice
Above the moon warns it will be winter soon,
There is a point to your charades.
I had those vague gestures bagged before yesterday.
You ignore each other's questions.
Somehow your shoulders can freeze a room.
It's high time you broke icicles from under your heart.
Tell the truth.
Let them melt in the turmoil and run down gutters to the bay.
Your next smile could be seconds away.
I'm slipping on your icy stares.
Vibes stifled by by your lack of care.
Wounds like fangs in your mouth penetrate the skin.
Starved for caresses as venom rushes in.
One can't breathe while choked with puppet strings.
Second hand lacerations.
Tossing and turning the page before it's red
With the blood you know can't hide behind a frozen exchange.
The clock ticks you off.
Asks the same questions.
So what are you after?
How can tears turn to laughter?
There's blood caked on the shoebox.
Letters inside spell out words that start with a 13 year old heart
That a string of mishaps ripped apart.
There's blood on crossed out mix tapes.
Old songs whose meanings are crashing on the floor.
Swallowing space like never before.
This is like an after school special that skips like cat-scratched vinyl
Just as the dilemma threatens to die.
These years have frozen it alive.
There's blood stashed in my folks' garage.
The letters folded like stars are sacred documents.
Tributes to lost innocence.
There's blood on the backs of pictures whose mouths have been glued shut.
Whose eyes have lost their shine.
I dedicate this tear to the hands of time.
Our kisses slip through your fingers.
Chalk outlines of lead singers.
Starting the car, I turn off the E brake.
A three point turn and I'm driving.
Hands are at 10 and 2.
Two eyes, a head blocking out two minor problems.
A faulty fuel gauge.
Idles, but not well.
I'm squinting both my eyes.
Daydreaming doubtless drew pictures of perfect life, my gaze from the truth.
Signal, mirror, over the shoulder and carefully enter the turn lane.
Hands are at 10 and 2.
Two eyes, a head in the clouds as the wreck approaches.
Obstructed signs on my shoulder assist me in getting nowhere.
Wish I could blame them for the crash, but I oughtta blame the driver.
He was squinting both his eyes.
Daydreaming doubtless drew pictures of perfect life, his gaze from the truth.
Can you drive me to a good view?
I've no sense of direction.
White dress
Cold eyed smile stretched across the mirror
She shows up, sings high
I try not to hear her
She's a virus of fresh starts
Puts you to bed with a pounding heart
An insomniac snowflake
She enters the party like a flurry from outside
With eyelashes like whirlwinds
Oh Delilah, I'm doing all that I can
Oh Delilah, not to fall for your outstretched hand
Temptation dangling from her reddened lips
My pulse quickens as I lean in for another kiss
She sends a shiver through my spine
Cuts the night into little lines
I breathe them in and dive
Now the house is an ocean of untapped vibes
You are a dangerous angel in a cool white spiderweb
How many boys have you tangled in your electric promise
And sent in a poisoned whir, spinning, twisting and falling back to earth?
White dress
Cold eyed smile stretched across the mirror
She shows up, sings high
I try not to hear her
She enters the party like a flurry from outside
For god's sake open a window.
The storm looks frightening through the glass.
But you could use something to turn the burn off.
You keep asking: how long will I last?
But you'll never find the number amid your mess of scribbled thoughts.
Peace of mind awaits you somewhere.
Somewhere there flies an end to sleepless nights.
Hope looks so small, but it's up there disguised as a V in southward flight.
How can you spot the subject through the smoke that cloaks the town?
How can one kid ever hope to take off from such cluttered ground?
Tangled road signs in front of you.
Lost loves and other debris behind.
Run fast or out of time.
And with these words I thee bid goodbye.
Keep your heart and eyes open wide.
I promise you if I ever return, we'll compare pictures before and after the burn.
For god's sake open a window.
You're breathing smoke instead of air.
But you could use a breeze to cool the room down.
You keep asking: why isn't life fair?
But you'll never find the answer at your local lost and found.
This time I'm writing a song for you.
I don't care who hears it.
I don't care how long the feeling lasts.
Tonight I want you here and nude or clothed and laughing.
The other thoughts can cool their jets in the Bermuda Triangle with my old regrets.
Important thoughts have found a big hole and I looked into it.
Lo and behold you were inside pulling up your white t-shirt one day before my birthday.
Indeed a grand gift it would be to feel good and report every detail to me.
Even if I can't tell another soul, it's still better than suffocating.
I was getting deathly sick of not feeling what I wanted when I wanted.
So now I'll never say never.
Somewhere between birth and here the ground gave way.
Suddenly I was submerged.
While cogs, gears, and pistons rumbled in the distance, a dead kid sank,
His time torn to shreds by alarm clock screams with dollar signs instead of eyes.
Forced to rise and shine before the sun.
Redundance cuts slow.
Sets my impatience loose.
Stretches my seconds like hanged children from a charred tree.
Is this the new me?
My free time was never free.
I can see that now.
Now that it's a scarlike memory that warns me.
The cold world adorns me.
A decoration for some suit's crown.
From the podiums a sedative is sprayed on you,
Intentionally smelling of new car.
The infected drones march eyeless to work,
Another youthful plan gets dragged ashore.
One more angel fails her pregnancy test.
Diploma dangles amid grade school photos.
Yearbook autographs are my only connection.
The disappearing ink signatures are like fossils now.
I've driven stories into the ground.
Lost track of faces I swore I'd always remember.
Childhood left without a sound.
I stare at old drawings and things I've written down
And I think the disappearing ink sketches must be from another world.
9 years ago I felt like I'd be young forever.
Now phantom former loves have apartments with no address.
This shapeless poem throws new shadows
As it stretches farther across my lined paper life.
Another color fades from memory.
One more dream gets tangled and threatens to drown.
Kisses sparkle between cloudy weekdays we waste for a rent check.
It's checkmate for most kids. We play by the rules but it's
Someone else's game. How I miss the secret sounds. A fluttering eyelash or a
Dance floor collision.
Childhood left without a sound.
Our eyes were stuck on angels as the plane went down in the distance.
The search and rescue future still has much to figure out.
If I knew then what I know now, I'd know this thought is over.
Why waste time on time machines?
Welcome to the dream come true.
It's like your favorite movie, only better.
So much to say, but why bother?
There's too many pretty things to feel.
I can't think of anyone I'd rather share this with.
Thank you for being who you are.
You're meant to be here, digging this trip with me.
So let's keep digging.
For once, a grand day.
I don't wanna let go.
The planets are finally aligned.
Flying 10,000 feet above a silent surface, I detect the first trace of vibration.
A ripple on the surface.
A hum beneath the water.
It swells rapidly to a womblike pulse.
My ears swallow the sensation.
This is who I wanted to be: flooded with magical sounds.
Cross my heart and hope to live awhile.
Laughing, I raise my arms to the sky.
We're the pilots of a streamlined soul where new life grows.
In the sky, we leave fading trails.
What a marvelous mess I've made in my chest
I put my stale heart in a blender on hi
Whir of the blades
Blood splattered the shades in the dark bedroom
But I came back to life
Clutching the wound I stumbled out of the room
Holding no one's hand
Kissing no one goodbye
Running through the rain,
I collapsed on a plane,
Tracing the scar I created tonight
This patient can't keep himself together
His sweet girl can't hold her breath forever
It has been a risky dissection
What a marvelous mess I've made in my chest
I took my new heart on a ten-hour flight
With a pulse like thunder,
I silently wondered if the wheels would touch down safely tonight
Arriving alive,
I looked up at the sky
Where a cloud-choked sun struggled to shine
I followed the scar with the tip of my finger
And the coldest shiver shot down my spine
This patient can't keep himself together
Could this be the last of our chances?
Only passing time knows the answer
What a marvelous mess I've made in my chest
I put my stale heart in a blender on hi
Whir of the blades
Blood splattered the shades in the dark bedroom
Hello, this is last night calling.
Just making sure that you got my drift.
It's the one that dropped you off that cliff.
Wake up, this is yesterday screaming to you from god knows where.
I'm sorry I left so quick, but eating all that shit made me sick.
I hope you understand.
I'm torn between screaming and kissing you, so alone I forgot to miss you.
I shoulda told you the truth, well you know what they say.
Hindsight's always 20 knives to the brain.
Congratulations, heart.
You've committed the ultimate crime.
At least we know you're still working but I followed you the wrong way this time.
What's up with me not calling, telling you everything I feel?
Even the devil turned down that deal.
Don't you remember all those things we believed in?
I guess worse things have been done, just let me know when you think of one.
We oughta be ashamed.
Always thought of myself as an honest guy.
Turns out I'm only painfully, partially right.
Lesson learned posthumously, so it goes.
Hindsight's always 20 Tyson-type blows.
Congratulations, heart.
You've committed the ultimate crime.
At least we know you're still beating, but apparently you can't keep time.
How can we expect to live with the truth under our matresses,
Staring in a daze at this empty page
Waiting for a thought to move me
Black pen ready to fly across the lines
How many million times will I think of nothing
Before a knock at my door draws me from this chair?
An angel with gold hair will be there to grab my hand
And drag me with her
Where?
As long as it's not here, I hardly care
How I'd love to hook up my headphones
And bail on my stale home with you tonight
Take me where you go
Desert, sea, or snow
My bedroom makes me feel so claustrophobic
I could use some sky
Sun for bloodshot eyes
My lungs are black with smoke
My heart is half-broke
The walls are closing in
My high gone with the wind
That sings through the bulletholed window
Why do i feel so spent?
Sunny Sundays worked to pay the rent
How not awesome
I wanna hook up my headphones
And bail on my stale home with you tonight
Staring in a daze at this empty page
Forgot to thank you for the charm,
You hung like a star in my dark room.
Pictures of you hanging out
Burst out of albums like full moons.
So glad you came over tonight,
Melted the cold when you entered.
Radiating a delicious light,
A June sun in the dead of winter.
Over a glass of wine your eyes
Meet mine with mascara'd lashes.
How that dress holds your body tight,
My mind spins of it's axis.
Down the red hall my bedroom door
Implores slam me and lock me.
Suddenly we kick our chairs away,
Lock lips and fall to our knees.
A blazing kiss where the
Shoulder meets the neck, my sweet bird.
Tongue trails follow your
Breastbone south, I taste sweet fire,
It burns red.
Beating of the heart gets louder,
Tempo of the grove gets faster,
Total loss of control gets closer,
Blackout gasping cuts through thunder.
[A] Blazing kiss where the
Shoulder meets the neck, my sweet bird.
Tongue trails follow your
Breastbone south, I taste sweet fire,
It burns red, ripples into
My nervous system darling.
Way you writhe, summons an
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