FIRST DRAFT

The Idiocy

Courtesy of friend of the blog Hobbes.

She's a great artist. I may have helped with the text on this one.

Making America Safer

American Moloch. Image via.

First, of all read this. 

I own a handgun. It's a simple Ruger P95 9x19mm pistol. I bought it years and years ago when I lived in a terrible, terrible apartment in a shitty, crime-ridden neighborhood. It cost me a couple of hundred dollars.

I bought this weapon for one reason--I might need to point it at another human, discharge rounds, and murder him (if the anticipated scenario had come to pass, the target would almost certainly have been a "him"). I had no illusions what it was for. I kept it by my bed for the year I lived there; magazine in, no round chambered. I bought a weapon with no external safety because I knew exactly what I was getting it for. I wasn't "defending freedom" or "resisting tyranny" or "being a responsible gun owner." I bought it because I might have to murder someone who came into my bedroom. They could've taken the TV and VCR; I wouldn't have given a fuck. But there was the distinct possibility that I would need to end another human's life because mine was in jeopardy.

That scenario never came to pass. But I held on to the weapon, and would occasionally go to a range to keep my skills sharp. Then I stopped doing that. Now, for the last five years, it's just sat in a case in my closet. I take it out once a month, clean it, oil it, and put it back. I never got rid of it because I thought I wouldn't make my initial investment back, and I knew that at least it wasn't endangering anyone locked away in my closet.

Today, I shattered the stock, spiked the barrel, snipped the springs, tossed the firing pin into a sewer grate, and otherwise destroyed it.

You see, my reasons for not getting rid of it were bullshit.  I've never bought anything else and not ditched it because I would have lost money in the deal.  And I know the statistics that say that households in which there are guns are far less safe than those without guns.  I pride myself on having an empirical approach to life; I like to go where the data lead me.  But I wasn't doing that here.  The data say: get rid of it.  And I didn't.  I held onto it because we're trained to have an irrational adoration of firearms; in a way, we're told that it's our duty to own them.

Well, fuck that.  I don't need this anymore. I have come to realize that there are no "bad guys" who exist outside of us.  The people who use firearms to hurt other people aren't monsters from another dimension.  They are us.  We are all good and bad, and some of us just have bad days--maybe you're at the end of yoru rope financially, or maybe you're inconsolably heartbroken, or maybe you're dealing with an improperly treated illness, or maybe you're dealing with any one of the other thousand ways the world can collapse on you.  When this happens, some of us might see reckless use of a firearm as an answer to what's bothering us.  That means that, if you have access to a firearm, your very bad day may give other people unimaginably bad days.  That's never an answer, and I'm removing that possibility from my life and the lives of people who enter my house.

I've seen estimates that there are 270,000,000 privately-owned firearms in the United States. Getting rid of one of them isn't going to make a huge dent in that. But 269,999,999 is still less than 270,000,000, and I'll sleep more soundly at night knowing that this tool that I bought with the express purpose of harming other people (yes, they may have intended me harm, but that was still why I bought it) will never ever have the chance to harm anyone.

I used to own a handgun.  I don't anymore.  Consider this my sacrifice to defeat Moloch.

 

One Thought

To anyone who says "if people didn't have access to guns, they'd kill people in other ways," I say if you think that we would have seen a spate of mass murders this year if there were no firearms--if you think that there wouldn't be far, far fewer homicides in this country PERIOD if there were no firearms, then you are a shit-stupid motherfucker who shouldn't be allowed near stairs lest you hurt yourself. And that is absolutely the nicest way I can put that.

Take care of one another.

Merry Christmas, You Bastards

Someone please make sure that Questlove wins the Grammy for entertainer of the year. Seriously. He's so awesome.

Okay, I don't really give a rat's ass about Xmas, and I can't stand being around children, but even I thought this was cute. 

Enjoy the non-wintry start of winter, everyone.

Just A Reminder

Yep. Power in a union.

Remember--this happened. And that energy, and that power, is still out there. We've had some wins lately, and a lot more losses, but the people are still there, and will always, when push comes to shove, tell the powerful where to stick it.

Hey Guys

We have no time for your shenanigans.

President Barack Obama jokingly mimics U.S. Olympic gymnast McKayla Maroney's "not impressed" look while greeting members of the 2012 U.S. Olympic gymnastics teams in the Oval Office, Nov. 15, 2012. Steve Penny, USA Gymnastics President, and Savannah Vinsant laugh at left. (Official White House Photo by Pete Souza)

I don't know if you've noticed or not, but the President of the United States is kind of cool.

A Quick Thought

This picture has nothing to do with the post. It just cracks me up.

I'm no political strategist, but telling people that they're too stupid to understand why their lazy, mooching, female, "urban," or entitled asses should vote for the party that has pledged to destroy the things that those people are supposedly dependent on is probably not a good plan to increase that party's share of the vote totals.  Discuss.

I Didn't Fight For Your Freedom

A re-post from a couple of years ago that I hope, some day, never needs to be said again.

 

Nope. No freedom being defended here.

So it's Veterans Day, which means that the US is awash with mostly obligatory tributes to military personnel. 

I hate this shit.

I didn't fight for your freedoms.  In the six years I was in, I never once defended your right to vote, or to carry a gun, or to be secure against unreasonable search and seizure (that one doesn't really apply anymore, anyway), or any of the other things you enjoy as a citizen of this country.  I just didn't.  Neither did anyone who went to Iraq, or Afghanistan, or Vietnam.  It's all bullshit.  It's a fucking lie that we tell ourselves and each other so that we don't have to think about why we send young men and women to serve, suffer, and die for old men's vainglorious ideas and profit margins.

I passed through Burlington, WI on Saturday to visit their annual chocolate festival.  Who could say no to that, right?  Well, while there (this being Wisconsin), I got myself a beer.  To do so, you had to put up with the shitty metal cover band in the beer tent.  There's a 45-year-old lead singer acting a fool--pouring beer on his own goddamned head, making dumb-ass sexist remarks, saying stupid shit about his teen-aged daughter, etc.  Since that wasn't reprehensible enough, he then proceeded to thank all the veterans in the crowd, specifically pointing out one man whose--well, I'll just quote this asshole.

I wanna thank all of our veterans for what they do for us.  Every guy in the band, our fathers were all in the military.  My dad was in Korea!  This guy right here in front--his son is in Iraq right now.  He's over there FIGHTIN' FOR OUR RIGHT TO PARTY!

I wanted to rush the stage and strangle that fuck with a microphone cord. 

It's all bullshit, folks.  We don't do anything for anyone's freedom.  The military hasn't actually deployed en masse to defend your freedom in a long, long time.  Unless you call rich people fucking over the world's poor and powerless a form of freedom.  As you may have guessed, I don't.  It's bullshit.  And it needs to stop. 

I don't mind honoring sacrifice, but the military doesn't have a monopoly on that, now does it?  I also don't mind remembering military dead and wounded.  But we do it all wrong.  We just fetishize the suffering (like good Catholics, no?) without wondering why it ever happened in the first place.  Remembrance and memorial, it would seem, also involve reflection and assessment.  Just because someone died or was wounded doesn't automatically validate how he or she came to be in that state.  We send our young people overseas to be bored, pull duty, sometimes get shot at, and occasionally get hit.  Then we never ask why they're over there in the first fucking place, because doing so, apparently, does them a disservice.  What kind of jack shit is that? 

A real Veterans/Remembrance Day would involve commitments to cease sacrifices that don't actually, you know, do anything in the name of freedom.  Losing your legs so that Chevron can see higher profit margins is not noble.  It's a god damned shame.  Dying in the service of defense contractors doesn't bestow sainthood on the deceased.  It just means that a life got snuffed out for no good reason.  Reflexive military worship is a cancer on society.  Unscrupulous people use it to justify their actions and avoid any criticism.  That shit makes the act of asking why we should send young people to absorb bullets and get blown to pieces into some kind of subversion and/or sedition.  How fucking ridiculous is that?  Wondering if someone's death was worth the cost doesn't dishonor the person.  I don't know how we've confused evaluating the motives and actions of leaders with spitting on corpses, but we have.  And until we can untangle those things, we're just well and truly fucked when it comes to international affairs.

So this Veterans Day, take a minute to actually reflect on the acts and deeds of people in uniform.  But that involves critical thought instead of blind acceptance of the rightness of our leaders' actions.  Honor the dead and care for the living, but don't think that people in uniform today are actually standing between you and tyranny. 

Remember that.

Further Adventures In Social Media; or, We Just Can't Be Educated

Instead of engaging these dopes, I think I'm just going to have this. ALL OF THIS.

Well, I'm back for one more pre-election go with Adventures In Social Media.  Please kill me now.  Anyway, today I bring up an acquaintance from high school, who gives us the following:

 

I just stopped at this point.

Folks, that guy is under the impression that he was right.  If there are any of you out there who think that this world can actually see a riot that "upholds violence," please--take a few minutes to say goodbye to your family and friends, then swallow your cyanide pill. 

And the hell of it is, I didn't even bring up the RACIST AS FUCK underlying assumption.  Hmmm...what could it possibly be about Obama supporters that would make these crackers think that they're more prone to mindless violence.  What could it be?  What could they be assuming?

You know what they're assuming--the same thing white folks have been assuming for almost half a millennium in this fucked-up part of the world.  They assume that BLACK PEOPLE ARE NOT RATIONAL HUMANS.  Period.  End of story.  End of fucking story.  That's been a constant trope for centuries now: the wild savage blood, the jungle lust, the frantic dancing and trance-like states of The Negro mean that they're not nearly as intellectually advanced as us calm white folks.  These people are so familiar with it they don't even recognize it.  You know, like how a fish is unaware of water.  But the unstated assumption is just hanging there for anyone with eyes to see.

I didn't even call them out, because they would instantly deny that they could ever think such a thing, and then I'd hear a chorus of how I'm the real racist because I think they're racist, and I'd blow my fucking brains out. 

So thus ends my pre-election jaunt through social media.  It's done a good job of convincing me that education is a lost cause.  If you need me, I'll be over by the liquor cabinet.

Even More Adventures In Social Media; or, Have These People Ever Heard Of The Internet?

Behold, the Internet!

Okay, so maybe I'm doing this bit too often, but it's just comedy gold.

Once again, a cousin posted something stupid, and I did this idiotic thing called "responding with facts."  Naturally, things only got better from there.

CAST OF CHARACTERS:

• Red: God-bothering first cousin
• Blue: Yours truly
• Purple: Cousin's African-American acquaintance
• Green: Cousin's god-bothering in-law

It's pretty awesome, and you can see the beating after the jump.

More Adventures In Social Media; or, Please Let Me Find Out That I'm Adopted

Apparently, this is George Clinton's DNA; I don't think you or I are funky enough to have major AND a minor groove in all of our cell nuclei.  Via.

In my ongoing quest to get disinvited from all future family reunions, I've started responding to moronic things that relations post on line.  If you know anything about my family, you're probably thinking that I'll need to take a sabbatical from work for a while if this hobby is going to continue.

Today's idiocy comes from a first cousin, with a special guest appearance from my older brother (they are anonymized in red and yellow, respectively.  Behold!

 

Logic is your friend.  Well, my friend, anyway.

Not to defend the person in the original accusation--if indeed that is true, and I'm betting it's not--but I just don't get the goddamn mental disconnect here.  Then again, there's a lot about zealots that I don't understand. 

I fully expect to be de-friended by almost all family members by election day.  I can only imagine that I will cry myself to sleep every night after that happens.  Anyway, my current working theory is that I was switched with another baby in the hospital when I was an infant; there's pretty much no other way to explain how I have so little in common with so much of my family.

One final note:  Of all my relatives that I know are conservative, pro-war, pro-gun, and (so they assume) pro-military, precisely zero of them were in any branch of the armed forces.  The two of us who are liberal (myself and my younger brother) both did hitches as enlisted folks.  Make of that what you will.

Adventures In Social Media; or, Dear Meteor, Come Quickly

Ah. Vesta. You'll do nicely. Via.

Hey there, good people.  I know it's been a while since I've been by here, but, you know, life keeps us busy.  Until we get a sick day!  Then it's time to catch up on all the crazy you've seen for a while, and maybe--just maybe--to write a thing or two about it.  First of all, here's hoping the effects of Hurricane Sandy won't be as bad as advertised, and that those people without power and water get those services reconnected pronto.  Now--on to the adventure.

I begin, as many such stories of crazy do, with my family.  Specifically, one of my first cousins.  She's a full-on Vatican fetus-sniffer.  She's always posting crazy anti-choice shit with the oh-so-clever tag "RESPECT LIFE."  Then it's a link to "GodVine" or "LifeNews" or some other completely reputable source about, oh, aborted fetuses being burned in a regular incinerator at a hospital as opposed to a crematorium at a funeral facility.  As if that makes half a fuck's worth of difference.  I mean, they're not alive, right?  Who give a shit what you do with the remains?  I know some people are more sensitive about corpses than I am, but it's not like they're turning them into cat food--they're doing the exact same thing, just in an incinerator that at other times burns trash.  Well, I don't begin to understand the mind of the religious fanatic.  In fact, to show all you good people exactly what I mean, let's go to a screencap, shall we?

 

Well. That's pretty self-explanatory.

Somehow, I resisted the urge to post anything in reply--anything like, say, "Romans 3:23" or "Matthew 7:1."  I also managed not to call her an astonishingly arrogant asshole for presuming to be the arbiter of who is and is not a "serious" Catholic.  Does that mean you can't ever tell a joke about god?  What about if you go to a Catholic school or university, and there's a cafeteria there?  Do you get to go in?  Or do you have to subsist on that little cracker they gave you in the chapel?  While that would do a lot for obesity in this country, I'm not sure that'd be okay with Jesus--I mean, after all, "Man shall not live by bread alone," right?  Anyway, I didn't comment, because getting in a theological discussion with a zealot is a lot like pissing up a rope, but you don't get to get the relief of emptying your bladder.

A further word about this cousin: this is a person who unfailingly supports the Republican Party. While one may find one's own reasons for doing so, one can't back a party that is disdainful of the poor, supports the death penalty, works to increase income inequality, and relentlessly warmongers and then call oneself a "serious" Catholic who agrees with all of Holy Mother Church's teachings. What you have here is just garden-variety hypocrisy.

So, I passed that one by, but this is getting a little long, so why not have a jump?  Trust me, people--you will want to hit that link.

Today In Scab History

What in the ever-loving fuck was that.  Just--what was that?

Because I Can

And I'm awesome:

So awesome.

The War's Never Over

Never.

Ever.

As part of my job, I talked to a young man today who had recently been fired.  He is 26 years old.  We sent him to Iraq when he was 19 years old.  Yes, "we."  You and I.  Everyone who lives in the United States of America sent him there.  And he got broken.  Ruined.  He has post-traumatic stress disorder and a traumatic brain injury that you and I are responsible for.  He did not incur those injuries defending our freedoms, or securing weapons of mass destruction, or "fighting them there so we won't have to fight them here," or any of the other reasons we were told that we had to send young men and women to Iraq.

No. 

We sent him to go get ruined for the biggest bunch of bullshit I've ever seen in my entire life.

And ruined is exactly what he is.  He got fired from a job for some chickenshit reason.  That was the longest employment he'd had since returning to the States in 2006.  He'd worked there 17 months.  He can't remember things on a day-to-day basis.  He has problems dealing with what most of us would think are simple situations.  He gets very nervous when he hears sudden, loud noises.  And his wife has to help him with what you and I would think are simple tasks.

We did this to him.  We ruined him.  We destroyed his life and the lives of those who care for him and deal with his disabilities on a daily basis.

That's on us.  We simply cannot put him back together again, because what was broken is no longer something that can be reassembled.  And we did that.  We let people send him, and thousands of men and women like him, to a pointless war.  We did that because people thought that we needed to look strong, or that there wasn't any appreciable difference between electoral choices, or that we just needed to teach Those People In That Part Of The World a lesson. 

But we ruined that man.  And his wife.  And his parents.  And his siblings, cousins, in-laws, and everyone else who has been personally touched by this fucking ridiculously unnecessary problem.  Us.  We did that.  I'm not saying that he's a hero, or a "wounded warrior," or any other stupid platitude we use to refer to the people we ship off to fight our stupid wars. 

What I am saying is that if we, as a people, hadn't decided that there wasn't a difference between Bush and Gore, or that we needed to "send a message to the Arab street" after 9/11, or that Saddam Hussein (a secular dictator who imprisoned and killed people we would refer to as "Islamic extremists") was in cahoots with Osama bin Laden (an Islamic fundamentalist who thought Saddam Hussein was an affront to Islam), then this man wouldn't be in the situation he is today.  He probably wouldn't be reviewing his investment portfolio, and he might be looking at four years upstate for a stupid felony, but that doesn't matter--we didn't give him those choices, because we took those options from him. 

Yes, that's right.  We created a society where this bullshit outcome was not only possible for some people, but likely.  And that makes me sick.  I drove to work today, and I had to stop on the way home, open the door, and puke on the road.  Because this shit makes me sick. 

I'm sick to fucking death of dealing with the people that we have broken, or given up on, or just never even acknowledged existed in the first fucking place.  Not because that work isn't important, but because it never ends.  Because we refuse to acknowledge that we are all in this together, and to see that, as the boss so eloquently says, your fate is our fate.  That's what makes me despair.  And to see that we have a large percentage of the population that has decided that these people--the people who live nearby, that serve you food, or drive you places, or clean your hotel rooms, or pick your orders, or do any of a thousand other tasks that are necessary to the functioning of a society--not that they don't matter, but that they are somehow taking shit that is yours that doesn't belong to them--that just makes me want to go to the liquor store, buy all the whiskey that I can afford, and go outside and drink until I'm dead. 

Maybe I'm just a little too drunk to make sense tonight, but that's what I've got to say.  Be well, everyone, and take care of your fellow people.  That's all you can do that matters worth half a shit in this world.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Picture via WWL.com

Jesus, this sucks.  The Hubig's Pie factory burned to the ground today.

What a pisser.

Just A Thought

This is a 100-round magazine for 5.56 x 45 mm ammunition.

You do not need that.  No one outside of an infantry engagement needs that.

 

That is all.*

 

*Cue gun fetishists telling me that I don't know what I'm talking about, others accusing me of wanting the eeevil gub'mint to enslave us all, others saying that I'm a traitor to the Constitution, and still others rationalizing that this maniac would have murdered a dozen people with Matchbox cars if he hadn't had 100 rounds of .223 Remington ammo at his disposal.  Yes, I've been down this road before.

One Word Regarding The Recall Elections

FUCK

So It Begins

Indeed.

Well, today's the day. Did you vote?  I went for the anti-dickhead slate myself.

This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things

For true.

So, as everyone in the world has noted by now, the President has affirmed his support for marriage equality.

This would seem to be, to borrow a phrase, a big fucking deal.  It's time for those of us on the progressive side of things to down a shot, do a victory lap, and shout WOOOOOOOO in the face of the nearest homophobe we can find (I'd suggest checking the glory hole in the local GOP clubhouse restroom).

But of course that can't happen.  At least 1/3 of the people commenting on my Facebook feed said something along the lines of "Finally" or "At last" or "Dick Cheney said this in 2004" or "His record on equal rights is abominable" or the like.

People: Enjoy this.  It's called victory, and it's a big one.  The goddamned President of the United States of goddamned America just publicly stated that he's in favor of marriage equality.  Of course he said that it should be a state matter, because marriage is a fucking state-by-state matter.  DOMA is some unconstitutional bullshit that would get struck down by any SCOTUS that wasn't peopled by the insane hacks that currently sit in five of the seats.

Yes, this should have happened sooner; really, it never should have been an issue at all.  But we don't live in a utopia.  The fucking President of the United States is on the record as being on the correct side on this one.  This has never happened for this issue before.

Smell that?  It smells like victory.  And wedding bouquets.

Your Help Is Needed

Internet, this is Ginnie. Ginnie, Internet.

See that doggie right there?

She belongs to the mother of someone who is very dear to me.  And, as noted above, your help is needed in this little doggie's case. I'll just let my friend say it:

My mom's dog, Ginger fell and broke 2 vertebrae in her neck. She is an adorable miniature brown dachshund who LOVES everyone! She needs surgery and has an 80% chance of a full recovery. The surgery could cost anywhere from $3000-$5000. She is only seven years old. Without meds, Ginger is in a lot of pain and if we cannot find a way to do the surgery, the only option is to put her down. The vets want us to decide today! However, my mom is on SS and is well below the poverty line. She loves her little dog very much and it breaks her heart that she cannot afford to help Ginnie.

So there you go.  You can go here to help however you can.  Select "send money," enter the amount you wish to send, toggle "friends and family," and the e-mail address to send it to is vhealey [at] ssc [dot] wisc [dot] edu.  I know that the world sucks and everyone's broke and we're all at the ends of our respective ropes, but please chip in for this.  Like the boss always says: we're all in this together, or we're sunk.  Okay, so I'm paraphrasing.  Shoot me.  Just go help this old lady keep her friend.

Back to your regular smartassery soon.

Oh Yeah

Since everyone else posts pet photos, I guess I should show off my roommate's pet.  It's a rat.  I call it Ratty.  She's a cute little rodent, I must admit.

 

Yeah, it's blurry. You try getting a rat to sit still.

Kinda hard to believe they're plague vectors, no?

So there you go.

I Had No Idea White Folks Had It So Bad In America

Don't worry, my brothers and sisters. You shall overcome. Someday.

Just a quick one here, folks. Did you know that white folks needed saving in this country? Apparently, we are seriously oppressed. Don't believe me? Just ask this future Nobel Prize winner:

Today I, John King, MAEd, a father of two, honorably discharged officer of the US Army and a proud individual of European descent, decided to take on the "Klan with a Tan" at a "Justice for Trayvon" rally held at the University of Southern Indiana (USI) just outside of Evansville. I have had it with anti-White rhetoric thinly disguised as Trayvon "remembrance". I have had enough of this lame stream anti-White media campaign, the likes of which I have seen coming from my television from the time I was an infant. I believe in individual responsibility. I am tired of other races blaming their problems, shortcomings, deficiencies, etc on White people. 80% of the inmates in the Federal Prison System are non-Whites. With perhaps a few exceptions most everyone of them earned a jail cell by their actions. But if we're to listen to the Trayvon devotees, they are there because of "racist" judges and juries. Good one! We must understand that American Whites are subjected to an almost constant barrage of anti-White media propaganda. The propaganda is designed to hammer down White people and beat any sense of pride and heritage out of them. Usually the propaganda follows the usual paradigm: a evil, white, racist, nazi, supremacist White kills/beats an innocent, defenseless, lovable little black boy. That's why the media is showing pictures of Trayvan as cute little boy instead of the 17 year old thug he was with gold teeth flashing gang signs. This paradigm remains the same. Last time it was those three Duke Lacrosse players and that cute adorable black escort girl. It turned out the entire production was a hoax but there was no apology to those three white students once the hoax was exposed. Most hate crimes -- if you do your research -- are staged events in which Whites are falsely blamed. The entire purpose of the media circus is to beat down the resolve of the White race as a whole. We are all made to feel guilty because of the injustice done to Tyrone X or LaQueesha X. Any sort of propaganda which has its purpose to beat down a racial or ethnic group and make it feel ashamed of itself is IMMORAL. And it should be attacked as being immoral. Everyone -- blacks, whites, reds, etc -- have a human right to feel proud of the accomplishments of their ancestors and kinsfolk.

Ain't gonna let Tyrone X turn us around, brothers.

I don't know about you, but I'm ready to start chanting and marching around with bullhorns and shit. Don't forget the SPF 50! Sunburn is clearly part of the Black conspiracy against us.

Apparently, we're also required to wear shorts with loafers and calf-length socks. I guess good fashion sense is part of the Afro-Hispano-Native American-Asian New World Order, and is to be avoided at all costs.

Oh, and where is my god-damned meteor?

I Just Don't Fucking Get It

This is fucking bullshit, man.

I don't get it.  I just don't fucking get Mitt Romney at all. 

Don't get me wrong--I don't understand the idea of wanting to be president at all.  It's tons of work, there's never really a fucking second when you're NOT on the job, at least a hundred million people who you're technically supposed to represent are going to hate every fucking thing you do, and there's the possibility that you'll be the person responsible for incinerating half the people on the globe at any given moment.  So, yeah--shitty, shitty job.

But back to Romney.  Of all the fuckers in my life who have run for president, I understand him least of all.

He's got all the charisma of a comatose iguana, and he's trying to be a politician.  But there he is, trying like hell to get elected to the highest office in the land.

And the hell of it is, the guy's got, like, a quarter of a BILLION fucking dollars, and he's been running for president non-stop for the last ten years. President of the United States is one of the least fucking desirable jobs in the entire world (see above), and he's been after it for a decade.

Dude. Take a fucking vacation.

TAKE ALL THE VACATIONS.

Why tool around in places like fucking Kansas, or Georgia, or fucking Ohio in a goddamn bus, eating at every shithole diner you come across, smiling while you choke down the greasy food and shitty coffee, pretending to like the yokels you so clearly despise, when you could be kickin' it in the south of France, or Hawaii, or somewhere in fucking French Polynesia?

Man, you have options: Eat all the best food, enjoy the gorgeous vistas, have a personal ball-shaver, play real-life first-person shooter games where no one can shoot back if you want.

YOU HAVE ALL THE MONEY.

Buy a goddamned island and hunt poor people for sport. Who's gonna stop you?

I mean, you give me $250 million bucks? I'm gonna go to work for exactly one week longer, but I'm gonna ride a fat man all the way there and tie him up to the bike rack outside like it's a fucking old-West hitching post.  Why one more week of work?  Because that's how long it would take me to literally shit on the desks of everyone who's pissed me off.

With a quarter of a billion dollars, I'd do shit just because I could.

I'd stomp the shit out of some Bluetooth-wearing asshole who wouldn't shut up when he's walking behind me on the street, and when the cops showed up, I'd pay them to taser him until his ballsack EXPLODED.

Why in the fuck would I subject myself to the never-ending hell that is the American Presidential campaign?  Jesus, I'd fucking pull out a gun and shoot myself if I had to share a stage with Bachmann, Perry, Gingrich, and Santorum EVEN ONCE.

I'd go to exactly one of those debates, but I'd have a hot firefighter guy and Zooey Deschanel trading off on tonguing my dong the whole time.  Naturally, they'd be paid extremely well for their labor.

That's the only way I would be able to keep from shooting myself.  Christ.  Can you imagine having to pretend to "debate" Rick Fucking Santorum?  That's a guy who thinks that fucking birth control should be illegal.  We settled that fucking shit FIFTY FUCKING YEARS AGO.  And just because he's never gotten a proper blowjob in the intervening years, we have to act like this is a fucking issue again?  WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?

I swear to god, I'd just rip off a huge fucking bong hit right there on national TV, and dare Ron Paul to join me.

Then I'd go punch Santorum in the dick until his asshole collapsed, because, seriously, fuck that guy.

And what would anyone do? I'D HAVE A QUARTER OF A BILLION FUCKING DOLLARS. RULES DO NOT APPLY ANYMORE.  Why would I be participating in that fucking farce, unless it was just to show people that I could fuck with them?

And then there's fucking Newt Fucking Gingrich.  One of the most colossal assholes that the American political system has ever produced, and that is a pretty fucking high bar to set.

Here's what I'd do to that asshole: I'd just go stand beside Gingrich, work up a big hocker, and spit it right in his stupid fucking fat face.  And I'd tell him that I'd have his whole family killed if he even thought about wiping it off before the "debate" was over.

Of course, this being Gingrich, he'd probably see it as a hassle-free way to get rid of his family, and commence enthusiastically cleaning his face with his little rat claws.

The point is:  Dude's got more money than god.  Go build a gold-plated helicopter that runs on dodo blood and atheist tears, and fly around dropping the Book of Mormon on "Gentiles" or something.  Do some shit that you fucking ENJOY.  For god's sakes, fuckface, you've lived your whole life insulated from 99.99% of the rest of us.  Go on and spend the rest of it the same way.  You're only making yourself and the rest of us miserable with what you're doing now.

Religion Is Poison

It comes in Christian and Buddhist and Animist and.....

When I was talking to a friend this weekend about the same stuff I put in yesterday's post, she mentioned that his Mormonism also put people off.  I said, sure it does for the crazy fundamentalists who think that Jesus rode to work on a dinosaur, but most people don't really care about that; his Daddy Warbucks/sea snake mash-up is much more of a problem.

So then she started talking about just how crazy Mormonism is.  Which, don't get me wrong--it's nuts.  But I don't see it as any crazier than any other religion.  Some years ago, I decided that if your explanation for things requires any magic or supernatural intervention, it has passed a crazy event horizon; past that, all explanations are equally nutty.  One you've invoked a non-testable, non-natural cause, off you go.  And every single religion does that. 

Here's the beauty of this way of thinking: I no longer have to spend time categorizing which religions are crazier than the others.  Wicca?  Mormonism?  Islam?  All the same.  They're exactly the same, because they're all past the event horizon.  So instead of having to talk about how the revelations of the angel Moroni or whatever are WAY nuttier than the idea that a zombie Judean carpenter will grant you an eternal yet incorporeal existence, I can spend time oh, I don't know, writing smart-ass things for the Internet.

As noted, I say that religion is poison.  I don't just mean because of all the wars and intolerance; we can find other excuses to engage in those very human behaviors.  It's poison because it is a barrier to understanding why and how things work; when you don't know why something happens the way it does, you can just throw up your hands and say God/the spirits of our ancestors/Xtapolapocetl did it.  Worse yet are the people who do that god-of-the-gaps bullshit--when they come across a phenomenon that we don't have a good explanation for, they use that as evidence that their particular delusion must be responsible for it.  They're never heard apologizing for getting it wrong when we do come up with an explanation for the phenomenon in question.

I know that some people will tell me that religions can motivate people to do good things, or that there are beautiful stories to be found there; you could say the same about Aesop's fables.  And that also leaves you open to the fact that people can do terrible things and tell horrific stories thanks to religion.  And no amount of good works or stories can, in my mind, make up for the existence of Pat Robertson.

So that's my take.  You may commence bitching about me/it, condemning my non-existent soul, attempting to explain how your beyond-the-event-horizon idea is different, and/or whatever else in the comments. 

Prove Me Wrong

On to the next campaign event.

As we've all seen, Mitt Romney has a problem--he's terrible at running for office. It occurred to me the other day why this is. 

You see, if you were to take our society's worst image of a politician and worst image of a rich person, throw them into the Large Hadron Collider, and smash them together at about 95% of the speed of light, Mitt Romney would emerge. The rich part: He's an incredibly, unbelievably wealthy man who inherited a fortune, never labored a day in his life, and is the sort of person who brags about firing half of his workers so he can afford another mansion and yacht. As for the politician, he has the unshakable aura of a greasy huckster who has all the convictions and charisma of a sea snake.

And this is the man who, in the fragile recovery from the worst economic shock since the Great Depression, is going to be the Republican nominee for President. I can't imagine why the old money that runs the part think this is a good idea; then again, I'm not tripping over stacks of hundred dollar bills on my way to the gold-plated bidet in the morning, either.

Sweet Jesus, These People Are Insane

Fuck you guys. This is bullshit.

Well, it's February in Wisconsin. And that means it's time for the Polar Plunge. That's right. Every year, a bunch of totally insane motherfuckers jump into a hole cut into the ice as a way to raise money for the Special Olympics.

This year, friend of the blog and regular commenter Hobbes is taking the plunge. So throw her some cheddar so she can get wetter.

Also, our good friends the Mad Rollin Dolls also have a team jump. Help them out.

If you're interested in other individual donations, check out Andi or Patty.

Go give some money, bitches!

It's for a good cause, people. If you've got some spare change to toss this way, please do. I know the economy sucks and the world's caving in around us, but this is one of those little things that we do to make life better for the people served by this organization; also, it increases the total amount of joy in the world, which makes it a better place for all of us. Cough up a buck, you cheap bastards.

Today In Wisconsin Republican Duck-Fuckery

Funny, he doesn't look like an utter halfwit here.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is Wisconsin state senator Glenn Grothman (R-Lead Industry). Why is he the duck-fucker of today, you ask? Simple. Just look here:

The bill, introduced only last week, is moving at breakneck speed, getting a hastily scheduled public hearing on Thursday. Introduced by Sen. Glenn Grothman, R-West Bend, the proposal also apparently has the blessing of Republican leadership. Senate Majority Leader Scott Fitzgerald has signed on as a co-sponsor.

"When a court does something that's as outrageous as (the Thomas ruling), when they retroactively tell businesses that were producing paint in 1900 or 1910 that not only can you be liable for damages ... but you have to be liable for any paint produced by any paint company in the United States in 1900, obviously you can't operate commerce with that type of decision made," Grothman said at the hearing.

Business interests were also enraged by the Thomas decision when it came out in 2005. In fact, they launched a successful electoral crusade to tilt the liberal court toward the conservative side. In 2008 the author of the Thomas decision, former Justice Louis Butler, lost his bid for reelection after business interests spent millions to back Michael Gableman, an obscure, conservative circuit court judge.

Grothman said Thursday that the pending lead paint cases were "filed at the last minute" to beat last year's Feb. 1 enactment of the state's "tort reform" bill, but Earle said he filed his cases before the law was even proposed, some as early as 2006.

Grothman didn't restrict his comments to the bill. He questioned the notion, which has been well-documented over decades, that paint in the home can cause lead poisoning.

"Quite frankly, it's scandalous that lawyers are leading people to believe that the lead paint in these houses is responsible for the increases in the (lead) levels in their blood," he said.

That's right. This man just turned his back on a century of research that says that lead paint is--and I understand this is a stretch here--bad for human physiology and child development.

Just take a second to drink that in.

You know, I understand that industries like buying legislators and having paid mouthpieces. But if I were looking to buy some influence in the state legislature, I'd want better shills than this.

Here's some actual evidence (other than the link provided in the Cap Times piece).  An excerpt from the "Historical setting" section of that article:

Although the audience for this journal is generally aware of the history of lead toxicity, it bears repeating from the perspective of the current debate about lead exposure standards and, indeed, exposure standards for other neurotoxicants. Lead appears to have been first discovered and mined in Turkey in 6500 BCE. Its low melting point and malleability earned it recognition for its utility even at this early stage in human history. Those properties are also the reasons for its extensive exploitation and resulting deposition in the environment. The Romans widely mined and smelted lead from 500 BCE to 300 CE, which resulted in a spike in atmospheric lead release that was not eclipsed until the industrial revolution. Greek physicians provided the first clinical description of the health effects of lead in 100 BCE.

Widespread commercial use of lead soared with the recognition that lead-based paint was both highly protective and durable. The hazardous properties of lead pigments did not go unrecognized, however (Table 3). In 1887 a U.S. medical report documented childhood lead poisoning that, in 1904, was linked to lead-based paint. European governments moved to ban lead-based paints in the early 1900s, culminating in a ban by the League of Nations in 1922. Despite reports of childhood deaths related to consumption of leaded paint on cribs, the U.S. did not begin officially to phase out lead-based paint until 1971, with the passage of the Lead-Based Paint Poisoning Prevention Act. The gradual elimination of lead-based paint inventories meant that houses painted before 1978 may contain lead-based paint. Confronted by the publicity about the health hazards of lead, the paint industry aggressively promoted lead-based paint products including using children in their advertisements (Markowitz and Rosner, 2000a,b). Dismayingly, lead-based paint continues to be a major source of lead exposure in children.

So there you have it. Your Wisconsin GOP, people: Objectively pro-child poisoning.

Is that hyperbolic? Doesn't seem like it to me. This jackass just said that lead paint in houses isn't responsible for higher concentrations of lead in people's blood. He also lied about the timing of the lawsuits in question. He's a schmuck through and through. And that's what you can expect from the modern GOP--distortion and dissembling.

Well, enough of this shit. That's all I can think on this shit for one evening.

Today In "How Is This Dickweed Employed?"

Where David Brooks should be.

Where David Brooks is.

Okay, Okay. I shouldn't read David Brooks. I shouldn't give two shits about what that neo-Victorian finger-wagger is on about today. But this shit right here just left me gobsmacked. Read on!

[T]here is a misbegotten ideology haunting the land, the ideology of sunshinism. This is the belief that everything should be made public.

--snip--

Sunshinism is a destructive ideology. Forcing people to financially undress in public is just one of those incursions that repels decent people from running for office.

That's right. You have just witnessed a man who has a cushy sinecure at the country's premier newspaper just say that too much public information is a bad thing. Take a minute to let that sink in. And imagine if, say, the Commandant of the Marine Corps embraced pacifism, or the Pope suddenly decided that this whole "God" stuff is all bunkum and issued an encyclical stating that Holy Mother Church was to become the world's foremost atheist organization. While my two scenarios are, essentially, punchlines, that's what Brooks just did. David Brooks, ladies and gentlemen: walking punchline. 

You should hit that link and read the whole thing. I don't know if Brooks actually believes the bullshit he's spewing or if it's all a show, but in the end, it doesn't matter. To be fair, Gail Collins does point out how stupid this idea is, but that's akin to calling water wet at this point.

David Brooks: Go find another job, please. You're one of the one percent; actually, even better, you're a mouthpiece for them, so you'll land okay. No breadlines for the likes of you, O Titan of the written word. But journalism? You're doing the vast majority of us no favors with this, and it can't make you feel good to have millions of people mutter "Christ, what an asshole" every time they see your picture.

But it shouldn't be on Brooks to recognize what a schmuck he is. I mean, this enormous, gaping asshole has every right to his opinion. But I can't imagine why a goddamned business that is (in theory, at least) committed to shining light into dark corners sees fit to cut him a check for this utter, utter crap.

Well played, dying industry. Well played.

Dear Journalists: Please Stop

Send your best reporters!

Attention, dear news media: A woman with 19 kids who miscarries the 20th is not news.  It's just not.  I realize that, by posting this, I'm doing a share of feeding the beast.  But stories about the Duggars are the "real" news equivalent of sportsyakkers blithering on about Brett Favre, so please: Stop.  For the sake of your profession, just stop. 

I'm not even going to make a joke here about statistical significance,* because, really, these people are probably truly upset.  Fine.  But this absolutely does not concern anyone outside of that family and their acquaintances. 

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a mandatory blogger ethics panel to attend.

*I was also very, very tempted to tag this entry "Sieve," but I managed to fight through that.

It Begins

Recall, you fools!

Indeed it does.  Yesterday was the kickoff of the drive to recall Scott Walker and Rebecca Kleefisch here in Wisconsin--I believe this fact was noted at this very site yesterday.

But, of course, it was also the beginning of stupid Republican nonsense against the recall.  Including vandalizing a business (auto-play video at that link) here in liberal-ass Madison.  Keep it classy, Walker supporters.

Oh, and the first person who compares dumping a glass of beer on someone's head to hurling a large and heavy projectile into a place of business gets a free punch in the dick, courtesy of me.  While it's rude, unless you're dealing with the Wicked Witch of the West, throwing a glass of slightly alcoholic water on someone's head won't kill them.  If someone would've gotten brained with that rock, it could've been fatal.  I mean, imagine there's a little kid in the path of that.  Christ, people. 

It's Veterans Day

Nope. No freedom being defended here.

Reposting this from Memorial Day with minor edits.

So it's Veterans Day, which means that the US is awash with mostly obligatory tributes to military personnel. 

I hate this shit.

I didn't fight for your freedoms.  In the six years I was in, I never once defended your right to vote, or to carry a gun, or to be secure against unreasonable search and seizure (that one doesn't really apply anymore, anyway), or any of the other things you enjoy as a citizen of this country.  I just didn't.  Neither did anyone who went to Iraq, or Afghanistan, or Vietnam.  It's all bullshit.  It's a fucking lie that we tell ourselves and each other so that we don't have to think about why we send young men and women to serve, suffer, and die for old men's vainglorious ideas and profit margins.

I passed through Burlington, WI this summer, just before Memorial Day.  I was on my way home from plotting world domination with Athenae and decided to stop and visit the annual chocolate festival in that small town.  Who could say no to that, right?  Well, while there (this being Wisconsin), I got myself a beer.  To do so, you had to put up with the shitty metal cover band in the beer tent.  There's a 45-year-old lead singer acting a fool--pouring beer on his own goddamned head, making dumb-ass sexist remarks, saying stupid shit about his teen-aged daughter, etc.  Since that wasn't reprehensible enough, he then proceeded to thank all the veterans in the crowd, specifically pointing out one man whose--well, I'll just quote this asshole.

I wanna thank all of our veterans for what they do for us.  Every guy in the band, our fathers were all in the military.  My dad was in Korea!  This guy right here in front--his son is in Iraq right now.  He's over there FIGHTIN' FOR OUR RIGHT TO PARTY!

I wanted to rush the stage and strangle that fuck with a microphone cord. 

It's all bullshit, folks.  We don't do anything for anyone's freedom.  The military hasn't actually deployed en masse to defend your freedom in a long, long time.  Unless you call rich people fucking over the world's poor and powerless a form of freedom.  As you may have guessed, I don't.  It's bullshit.  And it needs to stop. 

I don't mind honoring sacrifice, but the military doesn't have a monopoly on that, now does it?  I also don't mind remembering military dead and wounded.  But we do it all wrong.  We just fetishize the suffering (like good Catholics, no?) without wondering why it ever happened in the first place.  Remembrance and memorial, it would seem, also involve reflection and assessment.  Just because someone died or was wounded doesn't automatically validate how he or she came to be in that state.  We send our young people overseas to be bored, pull duty, sometimes get shot at, and occasionally get hit.  Then we never ask why they're over there in the first fucking place, because doing so, apparently, does them a disservice.  What kind of jack shit is that? 

A real Memorial Day or Veterans Day (called Remembrance Day in other parts of the world) would involve commitments to cease sacrifices that don't actually, you know, do anything in the name of freedom.  Losing your legs so that Chevron can see higher profit margins is not noble.  It's a god damned shame.  Dying in the service of defense contractors doesn't bestow sainthood on the deceased.  It just means that a life got snuffed out for no good reason.  Reflexive military worship is a cancer on society.  Unscrupulous people use it to justify their actions and avoid any criticism.  That shit makes the act of asking why we should send young people to absorb bullets and get blown to pieces into some kind of subversion and/or sedition.  How fucking ridiculous is that?  Wondering if someone's death was worth the cost doesn't dishonor the person.  I don't know how we've confused evaluating the motives and actions of leaders with spitting on corpses, but we have.  And until we can untangle those things, we're just well and truly fucked when it comes to international affairs.

So this Remembrance Day, take a minute to actually reflect on the acts and deeds of people in uniform.  But that involves critical thought instead of blind acceptance of the rightness of our leaders' actions.  Honor the dead and care for the living, but don't think that people in uniform today are actually standing between you and tyranny. 

Remember that.

 

Today In Wisconsin Republican Heroics

Republican legislative consultant (file photo)

In their continuing quest to right all of the wrongs in the state, the Wisconsin Republicans have made a great leap forward.

Assemblyman Joel Kleefisch (R-Newgate) woke up recently, opened the lid of his coffin, and said to himself "You know who has it too easy around here?  Ex-cons.  Blah blah!" (Note--this is only a partial transcript.)  So the good Representative took it upon himself to do something to rectify this grave injustice. 

He thought and he thought, and he puzzled some more, and it finally came to him.  "Aha!" he said.  "I'll make it so that bosses, the most downtrodden group in this society, can refuse to hire people (or fire them) based on prior felony convictions!  This will restore balance to the world, and give those poor bosses a break they so sorely deserve."

So he drafted up a bill with the aid of the Captain up there, and presented it to his fellow freedom-defenders in the legislature today.  You see, Wisconsin law already allows employers to consider convictions in relevant fields when hiring, but it's not enough that a forger be kept away from banks and financial institutions.  What about poor Wal-Mart?  Who will stand up for them when a former embezzler is looking for a minimum-wage job?  Joel Kleefisch, that's who.  I mean, if those felons had wanted to reintegrate themselves into society, they should've thought of that before they committed their crimes, right?  It's only right that someone who was once in possession of one gram of cocaine should never be able to secure employment again.  Same for someone who gets into a bar fight and gets busted for felony assault. 

Thank Jesus for brave patriots like Joel Kleefisch.  I know there's no one who would be more approving of harsh penalties for criminals that Christ Himself. 

And the best part of this all?  There are no possible ill effects!  Fine, upstanding employers get to have ever-more control over the workforce, criminals won't be taking jobs from reg'lar folk, and everyone lives happily ever after.

 

 

In all seriousness, it's this kind of motherfuckery that makes me cheer for that goddamn meteor.  I don't know, but I'd be willing to bet that Rep. Kleefisch has ties to the for-profit prison "industry."  By making a class of people permanently unemployable, where do you think they're gonna be headed?  And, of course, there's the racial aspect to all of this; Black people make up about 6% of the population of the state, yet over 60% of the people sent to prison here are African-American.  That's a crying goddamn shame, and it's a stain on the state.  So who's disproportionately hurt by this?  The poor, and (especially) Black. Finally, since one of the stipulations of the bill is that counties and municipalities cannot pass more lenient laws, I guess we can finally put that "Republicans believe in greater local control of government" bullshit to rest, right?

Will this pass the legislature, get signed, and become law?  I don't know.  But in any event, this is some Class-A Motherfuckery, Joel Kleefisch. 

Cough Up A Buck, Ya Cheap Bastards

 

Do you have any idea how much Claire's coke habit costs?  Non-sequential bills only, please.

It's the last day of the fundraising drive, and I'm breaking radio silence to urge you to chip in.

Why?

Well, because if you don't, Virgo will come find you, and I can't appeal to her sense of restraint every time.

Also, look at what you get here.  You get Scout, who is a natural reporter--that woman makes Edward R. Murrow look like a PR flack.  You get Athenae, who is the best goddamn writer on the Internet (except maybe this guy, but he already gets paid).  You get Adrastos who, uh, likes puns and music.  And there's Tommy, And Michael F., and Doc, and Virgo, anyone else I might have forgotten.  Sorry.  It's early, folks.

Athenae puts shit out there every motherfucking day, and it's always worth reading.  Do you have any idea the effort that takes?  And Scout's fearless witnessing with her camera--ain't that worth supporting? 

So chip in, god dammit.  Or you just might have to see more of me on here as a punishment. 

Beloit College Sucks, And So Do People Who Like Their Bullshit Lists

Now, in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em.  'Gimme five bees for a quarter,' you'd say.

Christ, it's that time of year again.  Beloit College, who I shouldn't even be mentioning, because this bullshit list is the only reason they ever get any publicity ever, has once again published their stupid fucking "Mindset List."  It's a collection of revolting conventional wisdom and pointless nostalgia that they compile, so they say, to "provid[e] a look at the cultural touchstones that shape the lives of students entering college this fall."

Except that's not, you know, what they do.  Mentioning that, say, there's no more Sears catalog doesn't say a damn thing about incoming college students' cultural touchstones.  The presence or absence of juries in Russian courts has zero fucking relevance to 99.9999% of college freshmen.  Something that is totally irrelevant to the majority of people cannot be a cultural touchstone.

But that pales in comparison to number four on this year's list.  Behold!

The only significant labor disputes in their lifetimes have been in major league sports.

What the fuck? 

This is a list written by people at Beloit College.  Beloit.  Which is in, you know, Wisconsin.

That mother fucking Wisconsin. 

Sweet fucking corn-fed Midwestern Jesus, what the fuck?  Are we really just being erased from all the records?  Or are these dickwads just that blind to what's going on IN THEIR OWN BACKYARDS?

Jesus, I hate pointless and stupid nostalgia, but willful blindness and ignoring reality piss me off far, far more.

In Case You Were Feeling Good About Humanity Today

No, this image has not been altered in any way. Seriously.

You see that bullshit right there?  That is the cover of a soon-to-be-released children's book.  No, really.  Some guy (of COURSE it was a guy) looked around at the world and thought to himself, "You know what young girls don't do enough of?  Hate their bodies.  I better do something about that!"

I wish I was making this shit up.  But no, it's really happening.  You can buy it yourself come October 16.  I'm sure Athenae and Virgo are currently en route to beat this guy with a stack of stupid Oprah diet books.

Jesus, the cover image alone is enough to warrant having this guy visited by the Feminist Hulk.  I realize that this pile of offal is self-published; at least there's that.  Oh, in case your blood isn't boiling yet, have a look at the blurb the author himself uses to describe his literary steamer:

This book is about a 14 year old girl who goes on a diet and is transformed from being extremely overweight and insecure to a normal sized girl who becomes the school soccer star. Through time, exercise and hard work, Maggie becomes more and more confident and develops a positive self image.

I think I speak for decent people everywhere, Mr. Kramer, when I say FUUUUUUUCK YOUUUUUU!

People, I don't have any children, and I've never been a woman (batshit insane reincarnation "theories" aside).  But--and this is the important part here, and part of why we seem to be so fucked lately--I can imagine that this nonsense might not make girls and women giddy with excitement.  Hell, it should offend men, too, simply because of the anti-human message, but let's not go too far with our utopian dreaming here.  

But back to why we're so fucked, and why I often end comments with the phrase "Come on, meteor."  When did the very notion of imagining other people's reactions become taboo?  I realize that Sonia Sotomayor was pilloried because she might display empathy (something you want not just in a judge but, you know, A HUMAN GODDAMNED BEING), but I can accept that was an attack used by the screeching howler monkeys of Fox News.  This?  This?  A grown man honestly thought this was a good idea.  Jesus.  Don't buy this book.  Do spit on Paul Kramer if you see him.

Happy Friday!  Come on, meteor.

They Just Can't Help Themselves

Not a role model, people.

Greetings again from Wisconsin, where the Republican Party, not content with going after working people, public transit, schools, air, water, soil, arithmetic, logic, and compassion, has decided that yet another special interest group has it too easy.

Puppies.

You read that right.  Puppies.

State Representative and Beelzebub's Cabana Boy Don Pridemore (R-Heartless) has taken it upon himself to craft legislation that will ease restrictions on puppy mills.

Again, you read that right.  You see, in 2009, the Wisconsin Legislature, in an inexplicable fit of decency, decided that these motherfuckers who breed hundreds of dogs, but don't care for them properly, shouldn't be allowed to profit off of the misery of dear old Canis lupis familiaris.  So they enacted (by unanimous vote, for fuck's sakes) a law that made anyone who had more than 25 puppies at a time subject to state licensing, regulation, and fees.  Everyone was happy; it's not like the supply of dogs has dwindled, but the government actually did something to reduce the amount of cruelty in the world.  Also, dogs that are cared for well while they're puppies grow up into healthier, happier adult canines.  They require, on average, far less medical care over the course of their lives, which means significantly lower medical bills.  (Note to Republicans: The same principle works on humans as well.)  Seems like a success story, no?

Fast forward to 2011.  My, how times have changed.  Representative Pridemore--who, in an extra twist that's guaranteed to make Baby Jesus cry, was a co-sponsor of the 2009 bill--has since decided that we just can't have the heavy hand of government interfering in the glory and majesty of the Free Market.  So he's proposing that the number of dogs you can have before you're subject to licensing and such be raised from 25 to 100.  Has there been any public outcry in favor of easing these requirements?  No.  Is there any justifiable reason for doing this?  No.  Does Rep. Pridemore get a lot of campaign donations from dog breeder interests?  I don't know, but that might be a good thing for an enterprising journalist to look into.  If he does, this thing reeks of payback.  If he doesn't, he's just a cruel and stupid bastard who thinks that there should be more suffering in the world, and who has decided that his vote of less than two years ago was an affront to some misguided principle.   

Here's hoping that this thing dies before it reaches the governor's desk.  But with the way the Wisconsin GOP is dedicated to pissing off anyone who ever voted against them and chopping away at the very notion of a decent society, I can't be sure.  If you live in Wisconsin, call your state representative and senator and tell them that this kind of idiocy needs to disappear.  And tell them what you think about the rest of the ridiculous GOP proposals that have been and are being enacted this year.

Where's that goddamned meteor, anyway?

Tales Of Awesomeness: Ford's Gym Edition

This ain't no punk-ass "health club."
Face it, you sprouted chest hair just looking at that logo, didn't you?

That's right, people. I'm so sick of all this crap about the state going to hell and the debt ceiling and what not, so I'm gonna ignore that altogether.  It damages my calm.  Today I'm gonna talk about the best gym around. Ford's Gym.  It is the Platonic Ideal of a gym.  There's no nursery, no sauna, no massage table.  There's not a single television in the whole place.  This is a place where you go to sweat, pick up heavy things, and punch bags and/or people. 

This is a place where there are no frills, and no crap.  If you come in and ask to look around, they just let you.  They don't give you a hard sell; there's no need.  And the price?  Just about a buck a day.  $31.95 for a month.  Beat that.

Here are some photos from the place where awesomeness comes to work out:

Gotta punch somethin'.

That's a 325 lb Atlas stone. Does your gym have those?

What about a sledgehammer? No?

What about a bunch of chains, huh?

This is the sort of thing that gives Uncle Sam wood.

150 lb dumbbells. If you can't pick one up, you don't get to be a member. (Not really. But that's how I wish it was done.)

So there you go. The baddest-ass gym you can imagine, and it's right here in Madison, WI.  Wasn't that better than reading about what a schmuck Eric Cantor is?

Warning: This Post Contains Offensive Material

Shocking, I know.

That's right, people. This post contains offensive material. But not what I have to say; oh, no, not that.

Take a look at this fucking video: 

 

Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with these asswipes?

That's a campaign ad in the special election for US Representative in CA-36.  The ad wasn't made by the Republican running; rather, it's by some shitheel outside group called Turn Right USA.  And if that isn't the most racist fucking thing you've seen all month, then you must have old cartoons from the 1930's and 40's on continuous loop at home. 

Did electing a black president really cause people to completely lose their shit?  I seem to recall that, a few years ago, you wouldn't have been able to put shit like that out in the ether if you wanted to maintain a veneer of respectability. 

But that shit is over.  And, in a way, I'm glad to see these assholes display their true selves.  I only hope that enough of us have, despite having grown up in this racist-ass culture, learned that this bullshit is through. 

Look at that video.  I don't understand fifty-cent words like "deconstruct" or "contextualize," so I'm just gonna tell it like it is.  That ad speaks to an old and deep fear in American white society--the fear that

 

Black people are coming to take your shit.

 

And I guess I can understand that fear.  I mean, if you systematically fuck over a group of people for four or so centuries, you just might be afraid that one day, you'll get what's coming to you.  That fear is an implicit acknowledgment that you know you been doing people dirty for half a millennium.  And, like every fucking thing else in life, people don't like to think that they've been grimy since before the invention of flush toilets.  So, naturally, they blame and fear the people they've been fucking over.  It's much easier than admitting culpability. 

Think about this shit--the right-wingers who are gaga over guns, the ones who are Second Amendment absolutists--are they comfortable with black folks having guns?  Generally, no.  Malcolm X and the Oakland Black Panthers scared the fuck out of white people back in the day, and (as we saw in the "New Black Panther" bullshit of the last presidential election) the idea of black militancy still gets white people upset. 

Armed black people have scared the fuckin' bejeezus out of white folks since before the days of Toussaint L'Ouverture (who was one bad motherfucker, by the way).  But when he kicked the white folks out of Haiti and established the second representative state in the Western Hemisphere, the rich white folks in the US, instead of being happy that the blessings of liberty were bestowed on more of God's children, were scared shitless that the same thing could happen here.  All slave societies live in perpetual fear of a slave revolt; it's why actual slave rebellions are treated so harshly.  L'Ouverture's rebellion in Haiti was the only successful land-based slave uprising in the history of North America.  Every other one was ruthlessly put down, and the rebellious slaves were tortured, mutilated, and killed. But the fact of the Hatian success made slave owners' assholes clench quite a bit tighter than normal; they knew what was in store for them if the same thing happened in their neighborhoods.

Eventually, of course, we fought the most destructive war this country has ever seen because some rich assholes decided that they were willing to spend the lives of thousands of others to keep their ability to own black people.  And, in one of the things that makes you glad to learn a little history, the Confederate assholes lost.

But after the official end of slavery in these United States, well, of course things didn't work out so well for the former slaves.  Codified discrimination (and not just down south) was the norm.  So, while actual chattel slavery was a thing of the past, the material conditions for black folks in the US didn't get a whole lot better.  And being black in America is something that disadvantages you to this very day, all the stupid rhetoric about "reverse racism" notwithstanding (hint:  it don't exist). 

The point?  Well, white folks are well aware of all of this.  But rather than face up to the past, it's just easier and more convenient to hate and fear.  And that fear, again, is rooted in a thorough understanding of just how goddamn wrong black people have had it at the hands of white people, and how that mistreatment has benefited white folks. 

That's it, people.  It's just fear of karmic retribution.  And when we elected a black man president, a lot of people simply lost their shit, imagining (I can only suppose) that the Black Armageddon was just around the corner.

Great fucking species we've got here.

Weekend Question Bonus Thread!

I'm stepping on the boss' toes here, but there's room for more than one weekend question, no?

Here's mine:  What would you pick as your entrance and/or theme music?

If you've seen the classic 1988 comedy I'm Gonna Git You Sucka, you know what I'm talking about.  If you haven't, it contains this scene:

So what's yours?  I'd pick Redman's "Time 4 Sum Aksion" or, if I was feeling a little more old-school, Run-DMC's "Walk This Way."

Everybody here's probably familiar with that Run-DMC cut (if you're not, GOOGLE THAT SHIT), so I'll drop Redman right the fuck up in here.

Fuck and yes.

Put them shits in the comments.  Also, this idea was blatantly stolen from Kissing Suzy Kolber, which is a whole world of awesome in and of itself.

I Didn't Fight For Your Freedom

Nope. No freedom being defended here.

So it's Memorial Day, which means that the US is awash with mostly obligatory tributes to military personnel. 

I hate this shit.

I didn't fight for your freedoms.  In the six years I was in, I never once defended your right to vote, or to carry a gun, or to be secure against unreasonable search and seizure (that one doesn't really apply anymore, anyway), or any of the other things you enjoy as a citizen of this country.  I just didn't.  Neither did anyone who went to Iraq, or Afghanistan, or Vietnam.  It's all bullshit.  It's a fucking lie that we tell ourselves and each other so that we don't have to think about why we send young men and women to serve, suffer, and die for old men's vainglorious ideas and profit margins.

I passed through Burlington, WI on Saturday to visit their annual chocolate festival.  Who could say no to that, right?  Well, while there (this being Wisconsin), I got myself a beer.  To do so, you had to put up with the shitty metal cover band in the beer tent.  There's a 45-year-old lead singer acting a fool--pouring beer on his own goddamned head, making dumb-ass sexist remarks, saying stupid shit about his teen-aged daughter, etc.  Since that wasn't reprehensible enough, he then proceeded to thank all the veterans in the crowd, specifically pointing out one man whose--well, I'll just quote this asshole.

I wanna thank all of our veterans for what they do for us.  Every guy in the band, our fathers were all in the military.  My dad was in Korea!  This guy right here in front--his son is in Iraq right now.  He's over there FIGHTIN' FOR OUR RIGHT TO PARTY!

I wanted to rush the stage and strangle that fuck with a microphone cord. 

It's all bullshit, folks.  We don't do anything for anyone's freedom.  The military hasn't actually deployed en masse to defend your freedom in a long, long time.  Unless you call rich people fucking over the world's poor and powerless a form of freedom.  As you may have guessed, I don't.  It's bullshit.  And it needs to stop. 

I don't mind honoring sacrifice, but the military doesn't have a monopoly on that, now does it?  I also don't mind remembering military dead and wounded.  But we do it all wrong.  We just fetishize the suffering (like good Catholics, no?) without wondering why it ever happened in the first place.  Remembrance and memorial, it would seem, also involve reflection and assessment.  Just because someone died or was wounded doesn't automatically validate how he or she came to be in that state.  We send our young people overseas to be bored, pull duty, sometimes get shot at, and occasionally get hit.  Then we never ask why they're over there in the first fucking place, because doing so, apparently, does them a disservice.  What kind of jack shit is that? 

A real Memorial Day would involve commitments to cease sacrifices that don't actually, you know, do anything in the name of freedom.  Losing your legs so that Chevron can see higher profit margins is not noble.  It's a god damned shame.  Dying in the service of defense contractors doesn't bestow sainthood on the deceased.  It just means that a life got snuffed out for no good reason.  Reflexive military worship is a cancer on society.  Unscrupulous people use it to justify their actions and avoid any criticism.  That shit makes the act of asking why we should send young people to absorb bullets and get blown to pieces into some kind of subversion and/or sedition.  How fucking ridiculous is that?  Wondering if someone's death was worth the cost doesn't dishonor the person.  I don't know how we've confused evaluating the motives and actions of leaders with spitting on corpses, but we have.  And until we can untangle those things, we're just well and truly fucked when it comes to international affairs.

So this Memorial Day, take a minute to actually reflect on the acts and deeds of people in uniform.  But that involves critical thought instead of blind acceptance of the rightness of our leaders' actions.  Honor the dead and care for the living, but don't think that people in uniform today are actually standing between you and tyranny. 

Remember that.

 

Note:  Edited to correct my pre-coffee dumbassery.

We Are Ruled By Cruel And Stupid People (Medicare Edition)

Sweet merciful constipated Christ. Really?

Courtesy of Crooks & Liars, I give you freshman Georgia Representative and Tea Party Zombie Rob Woodall (R-Bedlam).  Watch that goddamn video.  Just watch it.  

That's the GOP leadership's vision, people.  That's what they want.  They're afloat in a fairy fucking bubble--just them, their corporate money, and their stupid fucking Ayn Rand fantasies.  Reality cannot and will not intrude on them, since they have wealth and sinecures--they have no need for programs that benefit the unwashed proletariat.  Read this partial transcript:

A Woodall constituent raised a practical obstacle to obtaining coverage in the private market within the confines of an employer-based health insurance system: What happens when you retire?

"The private corporation that I retired from does not give medical benefits to retirees," the woman told the congressman in video captured a local Patch reporter in Dacula, GA.

"Hear yourself, ma'am. Hear yourself," Woodall told the woman. "You want the government to take care of you, because your employer decided not to take care of you. My question is, 'When do I decide I'm going to take care of me?'"

Holy.  Fuck.

This woman worked her whole life for a private company, and now he's going to ride her ass for not waiting for the best benefits package?  Oh Christ.  And it gets worse.  Many in the crowd applauded his fucking statement.  That means that some proportion of his (presumably not obscenely wealthy) constituents have no problem with him telling an old woman, in effect, "Yeah, I know you lived your entire life with this understanding of a social contract, but you know what?  Stop being such a pussy.  My rich friends need tax cuts!"  What in the hell makes them think that he'll be any more receptive to their fucking concerns?  He just told an old lady to go lay down in the gutter and die.

I wish a motherfucker would've said something like that to my grandmother.  She would've put a cigarette out on any little bitch that spoke that way to her. 

Oh, and one of the people applauding vigorously?  And older man who is receiving or will soon benefit from that same Medicare the Congressman hates so much.

Well, we're boned.  Come on, meteor.  Any day now.

A Quick One

If you object to helping people whose homes and lives have been destroyed by the tornadoes across the southeast because of personal prejudices, ridiculous stereotypes, or objections to the prevailing voting patterns of the region, you're a horrible, rotten excuse for a human being, and you're no goddamned different from the assholes who laughed at the corpses floating in New Orleans after Katrina.  "Eat a bowl of dicks" doesn't express the amount of contempt I have for you.  Yes, you.  "Fuck off and die" doesn't quite do it, either.

Just turn in your human card and exit via the door on the left.  It goes straight to hell. 

As the boss says, Our Fate Is Your Fate.  We are all the fuck in this together.

Now have some Bill Withers.

 

I'll lend a hand, brothers & sisters.

As A Grain Of Mustard Seed

And verily I say unto thee: Move, bitch.

Ever since late 2000, the phrase "too close to call" has made me uneasy. 

When the AP stopped reporting last night, David Prosser had a 585 vote lead.  I don't know if absentee ballots have been counted yet.  I don't know when or if there will be a recount (but I'd bet on yes).  Nobody knows shit about shit yet. 

However, and as usual, Athenae's right.  A few months ago, this election would have been a boring, low-turnout affair, and Prosser would have walked to an easy victory.  But some people didn't stop.  Hell, even when all of the protests started jumping off, friends would remark that the Kloppenburg campaigners around the square seemed to be on a fool's errand.  But some people didn't stop.  When the national regressive machine caught on to the fact that something big was going on, they opened their war chests to provide Prosser all the campaign media he could dream of in an attempt to overwhelm any opposition.  But some people didn't stop.

And those some people inspired other people, and those others touched others, and so on.  Then they made calls, knocked on doors, handed out flyers in freezing-ass Wisconsin winter weather, and generally went about making giant pains in the ass of themselves in the service of the radical idea that we the people can and should have the last word in our government.  They took their faith and hope, yea even though they were the size of grains of mustard seed, and they went to work.  And then something amazing happened.  Over 1,450,000 people went to vote.  In an off-year state supreme court race.  Yes, a lot of them voted for the man with the troglodytic views, but it's their goddamn right to vote for whomever they choose, and thank the fuck Christ that they turned out.  I want 99% turnout in every election, because I'm sick of nutjobs hijacking low-turnout elections with a motivated few.  I want everybody's voice heard.

What happens next?  How many more ballots turn up?  When will the recounts happen?

We'll find out answers to all of these questions in the coming days.  But for now, let's salute the everyday people who turned to and worked for the crazy notion that government should be responsive to the women and men who make up the populace.  I don't want just a moral victory here, but if that's all there is, I'll take it.

It sure would be nice to see that mountain move, though.

Today's Story Of Hilariously Unintended Consequences

The current Maine governor's transportation.

As you may have heard, the good people of Maine recently elected themselves a teabaggin' crusader for governor.  He's about as clever and well-informed as any of the recent rightwing stars--which is to say, not at all.

Anyway, he recently ordered the removal of a mural in the state's Department of Labor that had the gall to depict, you know, labor.  The horror, I know.

The rub here is that the federal government paid for the lion's share of said mural, and now they've said that if Mr. LePage wants to remove the art, he's gotta pay:

[T]he U.S. Department of Labor has officially demanded reimbursement.

The grant, awarded in 2008 to pay for the 37-foot-long mural, fulfilled 63 percent of the $60,000 historical art project.

If the state decides against putting it back up, they'll be forced to repay 63 percent of the mural's fair market value, which has likely gone up since it became a centerpiece in Republicans' battle against workers.

This kind of story would be even funnier if dolts like LePage weren't running governments in this country.

Where Do We Go From Here?

Really, what's next?

As much as anyone else, I hate the High Broderist calls for moderate bipartisanship (which really means "people should agree that my views are correct and implement them accordingly"), but this is a serious question.  Where do we go?

I know politics is going to be rough--it should be.  People separate into parties based, among other things, on differing ideas of what the government can and should do.  That's fine.  Even when one of those parties is committed to a return to Dickensian capitalism, that's fine, so long as those of us who have retained a modicum of sanity can stop them from implementing their dystopian dream.  But how do you get anything done when one group simply will not budge?  You cannot run the government without compromises from all involved parties, and lately, the state's Republican contingent (to say nothing of the national level) isn't willing to give a single inch.

And, in addition to their unwillingness to negotiate over anything, the Republicans are doing their best to poison the discourse so that no one will ever want to work with them.  I'm not talking about the Dane County GOP duck-fuckery from the other day.  The Dane County GOP is about as relevant locally as the Green Party is nationally; they're also a political party that isn't tasked with carrying out any public function, which I'll deal with more in a bit.  No, I'm also talking about Senator Fitzgerald's letter in reply to Senator Miller's respectful, polite letter seeking a solution to the impasse when the WI 14 were down in Chillinois.  Yes, you heard that right.  Chillinois.  It's easier for me to type than "chilling in Illinois," but I guess I've gone and fucked that up by typing out this long-ass explanation.  Damn.

Anyway, read those letters if you want.  They're both at the same link under Fitzgerald's name.  You'll see the same kind of petulancy and disregard for plain old decency from Fitzgerald that you did from the brain trust at the Dane County GOP--actually, it's worse from Fitzgerald, because he actually has duties and responsibilities. 

The rhetorical bomb-tossing is what you expect of party organizations--we normally expect more sober attitudes from the officials actually elected to carry out the business of the state (or country, or city, or whatever).  So fine.  They're going to say mean things about their opponents, real or perceived.  What offended me most about the Dane County GOP press release is how artless and dumb it was.  To begin with, the judge in question was appointed by Tommy Thompson, who is about as much of a raving liberal as Dick Cheney.  Then we can get to the actual content of their release.  And really?  Leftist cocktail party was the best you could do?  That's not good mockery.

THIS is good mockery:

What? No one thought to donate toast points? And you people call yourselves compassionate. Bah!

That's from the Democratic Party in Wisconsin, sticking it to US Representative Sean Duffy, the same guy who, as you may know, went to a meeting with his constituents and cluelessly bitched about making 174 grand per year.  That's mockery done right.  What's the difference, you ask?  Well, there are a couple of things.  First, as noted, this kind of shit is what a party apparatus can do and get away with--parties are, you know, partisan.  Second, and relatedly, the state Democratic Party isn't actually in the government.  Sure, some Democrats are, but they can and do break with the party line as they see necessary and/or proper and/or electorally related and/or whorishly opportunistic.  The Democrats in the government have a duty to the state as well as the party.  What I'm saying is that, obviously, the party and its members are separate entities with separate priorities. 

Also, Sean Duffy is an elected official who is supposed to represent the people in his district.  I'll wait for all of you to stop laughing before I continue. 

You ready yet?  Okay.  Anyway, he's charged with carrying out the wishes of the voters in his district.  When he's so completely out of touch with them that he can actually go and complain to their faces about making over three times the median income in the district during the worst economic downturn since the Great Depression, that man deserves all the scorn that can be heaped upon him.  The people in his district deserve to know how unfamiliar he is with their wants and needs. 

If I ever end up bitching about a six-figure salary, and we're not looking at Weimar Germany-style hyperinflation, you can just lock me away in the mental hospital, because I will have lost my mind, and you can consider me a danger to myself and others. 

But to return to the original question--what now?  How do the people who are supposed to do the state's business dial it back and get on with their work? 

Something Is Most Definitely Wrong Here

This is not what happens during periods of proper governmental function.

In case you haven't heard, interesting things are still going on in the world's most northerly banana republic.  Last Friday, Dane County Judge Maryann Sumi said that Scott Walker's rewritten, hastily-passed union-busting bill could not be implemented--she prohibited the Secretary of State from publishing the bill, saying that more work needed to be done to determine whether or not it violated Wisconsin's open meetings laws. In the absence of that assurance, she stated that it was prudent not to implement the law.  Makes sense, right?  You don't want your government enforcing laws that aren't themselves legal, do you?

But you didn't think that some silly shit like a judge's ruling was gonna stop the boys in FitzWalkerstan, did you?

Of course not.  They got (and by "got" I mean "The Senate Majority Leader leaned on them pretty hard and more-or-less coerced") the Legislative Reference Bureau to "publish" the bill on its website, said "nyah nyah nyah," and have been acting as if the bill is actually law, when even the Legislative Reference Bureau says that such is not the case.

Yesterday, the judge convened another hearing and said, in legal terms, "I told you people not to do this.  You might wanna clean the wax out of your ears this time, 'cause I'm saying it again."  Yeah, it sounds better in Latin.

The state's representative at the hearing countered with the "LA LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU" strategy.

But outside the courtroom, Assistant Attorney General Steven Means said the legislation "absolutely" is still in effect.

--snip--

Department of Justice spokesman Bill Cosh said: "We don't believe that the court can enjoin non-parties. Whether the Department of Administration or other state officers choose to comply with any direction issued by Judge Sumi is up to them."

Yep.  That's what we've come to.  Our entire state's administrative and legislative branches are operating on a third-grade playground mentality.

"Stop that."

"No."

"Look, I'm telling you to stop that--it's wrong."

"Yeah?  You and what army's gonna make me?"

Really.  It's just that stupid.

Which brings me around to my point.

Government, when done properly, is BORING.  Seriously--good governance is appallingly stultifying.  You have legislators saying things like "I'd like to commend my colleague, the distinguished gentleman from the 4th district, and propose that we add a 1.83% surcharge to any transaction that involves the transport of Clark County broccoli from field to a market that is solely open-air and is not affiliated with any larger corporation and I can't believe you're still reading this."

Yes.  It is not a ratings-getter.  I know there are a few political junkies out there who hang on every word, and I'm not knocking them; however, for most of us, a day spent cleaning grease traps is more appealing than watching committee hearings.  There are no ads on C-Span.  Part of that is because, uh, they're not allowed to have any, but it's also the case that you couldn't give away ad minutes on that channel.  Can't sleep?  TURN THAT SHIT ON.  It's like Ambien and morphine. 

So when there's anything exciting happening at your city council, state capitol, or in the federal government, something is wrong.  Something is very, very wrong.  When government is interesting, it's almost always because something awful is happening.

Did I mention that Wisconsin's government is very interesting lately?

Yeah.

Thank God For Arizona

Also, we don't have to deal with these guys.

Yeah, that's what we're going to be reduced to saying here in Wisconsin.  It's the state-level equivalent of "It could be worse."  It's what any state bordering Mississippi has as an unofficial motto (once you replace "Arizona" with "Mississippi," of course). 

What's so much worse about Arizona?  Well, I was looking at Cole's joint yesterday, and I saw this article.  I went to read it, and holy shitburgers, these people are cruel and stupid.

"It's just getting down to a very low rate, taxing basic income," he said.

Court acknowledged that, in the interest of keeping the plan as pure and simple as possible, he was going after some sensitive areas. That includes eliminating exemptions for children.

"If somebody's childless, should they pay a higher tax to compensate for somebody who has children?" he asked.

Sen. Steve Yarbrough, R-Chandler, had his own concerns. He specifically called eliminating the deductions for mortgage interest and charitable deductions "a challenge."

"But if we're going to make significant reforms - and there are some compelling reasons to do that - we're going to have to take the bitter with the sweet," he said.

Sen. John McComish, R-Phoenix, agreed.

"I, too, like the idea of keeping the mortgage interest (deduction)," he said.

"But I also understand it goes against the philosophy," McComish continued. "And so I have a dilemma there."

McComish said, though, if the state is to go down the path of a flat tax, there will have to be compromises.

"I do believe the lower and the flatter we can make a tax, the better it is for our economy," he said.

Emphasis mine.

You get that?  Evidence?  None.  Compassion?  None.  Economic understanding?  None.  Beliefs?  You better fucking believe they got plenty of those.  Shit, they're cheap and almost never get questioned!

One of my most-hated concepts is this:  "I disagree with you, but I respect and/or admire the strength of your beliefs."

Not me, cousin.  If your beliefs are fucking stupid, I don't respect them--or you--no matter how strongly you hold them.  In fact, the more strongly you hold cruel and stupid beliefs, the less respect I will have for you.  (That's called an inverse relationship, and it's something I learned in public schools.  You're welcome, Mrs. Bridges.) 

But back to the lecture at hand.  Beliefs without evidence are no way to run a government.  Or anything else, really. However, that's where we're at.  "It goes against the philosophy."  We've covered that particular philosophy here before.  Christ, they don't normally lay it out so clearly, do they? 

Are tax laws complicated?  You know it.  I have a problem with that because it lets people and businesses with means figure out how to exploit the code (lookin' at you, General Electric), while firms and individuals of more modest means have to muddle through as best as they can.  The solution, however, is not to make life even easier for those at the top.  Well, the sane, decent solution isn't to do that.  But we are talking about governing Republicans here. Anyone capable of forming the thought "If somebody's childless, should they pay a higher tax to compensate for somebody who has children?" is not sane or decent, and has no business anywhere near a tax policy.  For the record:  I don't have children.  I don't want any.  Ever.  But yes, it's incumbent on me to pay taxes to support children.  First of all, it's the decent thing to do.  Second, it will keep them from growing up and robbing me.  You know, helping to provide opportunities for everyone in society, rather than living in a Hobbesian state of nature?  I'd gladly cough up a few tax dollars instead of living in the war of all against all.  Bonus points for anyone who can look up any "pro-life" statement by Steve Court, R-Mesa.  I'd bet my bottom dollar that he's a pro-forced-childbirth crusader.

As for eliminating the deduction for charitable giving--sweet Christ.  I mean, you cut any kind of government safety net, usually with the assurance that private giving is all that's needed to take care of the least of these our brethren, and then you turn around and tax charitable donations?  Fucking really?  Yeah, that won't disincentivize people from giving to food pantries or homeless shelters at all.  No.  Sorry, people making six bucks an hour who need to supplement your larders--it goes against the philosophy!

Also, all those tax cuts?  Yeah, it turns out they're part of the reason that many states' messes are so big right now. 

Anyway, thank God for Arizona.  For now.  I'm sure the cruel and stupid jerkwads running this state have something similar on their agenda.

A Friday Puzzle

Can you believe somebody actually made this shit?

No, I'm not mailing all of you one of those demon cubes pictured above.

Instead, I give you the following rumination; it's something that's been bugging me for quite some time.

How did it come to pass that the act of considering the long-term effects of one's actions makes one a pussy?  I'm not providing any links because I don't feel like wading into the sewer this early in the morning, but really--some people hate on renewable energy, hybrid cars, public transit, recycling programs, and lots of other ideas that have the intent of reducing the impact of our lives on the available resources of the planet.  The common thread in all of those objections seems to be that it's a terrible imposition on anyone's liberty to ask that person to consider the long-term consequences of his or her actions, and that doing so is somehow weak and effete.  I just don't understand that.

Preserving usable resources and providing a non-toxic living space for one's progeny would seem to me to be a pretty conservative idea.  You know, that requires analysis of costs and benefits and a sober assessment of quaint things like "facts."  The "let's use all this shit up because it's our God-given right" crowd seems much more radical.

Please discuss.

The Patient Protection And Affordable Care Act Turns One

It saves money, you dicks.

Okay, other than that obvious truth, what else have I got?

Did you read the Rude Pundit yesterday?  Did you?  Then you should.  Go and do it right now if you haven't already.

Ain't that some shit?  One seriously unfortunate man who has been immeasurably helped by that eeeevil "Obamacare" you heard so much about.  I read this article about the procedure on Monday.  Yeah, I know it's USA Today, but that shit gets delivered to the office every day, and I scan through it--it can be awful, but sometimes you get a decent article.  Like, you know, the one I just linked to.  Oh, and don't read the comments to that article unless you've already lost all hope for us as a species.

Well, that article got me thinking about the objection that a lot of people in this country seem to have regarding universal health care; namely, that other people won't be responsible about their decisions.  I've heard this argument from liberals as well as conservatives; it doesn't matter who makes it--it's fucking ghoulish.  It's the "moral hazard" argument--if you have extremely low- or no-cost access to health care, then you'll overuse the system.  Now, that alone doesn't predispose people to argue against universal health care; oh, no.  You see, what really chaps the collective ass of many of the people who despise coverage for all is the idea that they will be responsible for subsidizing the care of others that they deem unworthy. 

As you may have guessed by now, this argument is utter, complete, and repugnant bullshit.  It assumes that people calmly and rationally weigh every choice they make, considering short- and long-term costs and benefits.  Also, it assumes that they have very good or perfect information regarding every choice they make.  And, of course, that's a load of crap.  Who the fuck says to themselves "Yeah, I'll start smoking, because when I have emphysema/COPD/lung cancer/heart disease at age 55 and can't walk or fuck or breathe, I won't have to pay for my treatment!"  Nobody, that's who. The moral hazard as it applies to health care is just nonsense.

Don't believe me that the moral hazard is a myth in this area?  Go read Malcolm Gladwell's New Yorker article (with a surprisingly similar title) on how moral hazards in health care are non-existent.  Yeah, it's from goddamn 2005, but it's still good.  I don't agree with everything Gladwell writes, but that's some righteous shit right there.

Oh, and it's not that moral hazards don't exist.  When you, say, gamble the world's economy on collateralized debt obligations and credit default swaps, and then watch when the whole thing inevitably crashes and burns, you might just find yourself going to the government of the United States and saying "Yeah, we fucked up, but if you don't give us all the money that your peasants have paid (and will pay for some time into the future) into your treasury, we'll stand back and watch the world burn," then you get the money and still make record profits, but don't do anything to change (or let anyone else try to change) the fundamental conditions that led to the colossal cock-up in the first place, that's a goddamned moral hazard right there.  It's socialized risk and privatized profits, and there's absolutely no incentive on the part of the people who destroyed the economy to do anything differently. 

But to bring it back to health care--again, is there anyone who's thinking "Shit yeah I'm gonna run face-first into some high-voltage wires!  The rest of you suckers are picking up that tab!" in the whole world?  No there is not.  That person does not exist. Yes, some people make poor choices.  And by "some people," I mean "everyfuckingbody in the country."  None of us make the best choices possible all the time.  However, most of us are lucky in that our poor choices don't result in immediate and/or long-lasting harm.  On top of that, some of us are just plain fucking lucky--some of us will never have an expensive illness, or an unforeseeable accident, or any of the other shit that can just happen to you in spite of how virtuously or wickedly (of course, these terms are subjective and mean lots of different things to different people) you live.  But some of us will be fortunate enough never to have to deal with those desperate situations.  That doesn't mean those people are better or worse--it doesn't mean anything, because life isn't a goddamned morality play.

Sometimes I really get pissed off when I hear about the great, generous American spirit.  Because I often see a lot of small, grasping, petty people who are terrified that any security that they help finance (which, by the way, makes their lives better as well) might go to ameliorate the pain and suffering of someone they don't think is worthy.  "Oh, if he'd been paying better attention, he would've seen those power lines.  Why should I pay for his operations?"  "If those people weren't living in those bad neighborhoods, they wouldn't have to deal with those gunshots/pollution-related health problems/diet-related problems due to lack of good food options.  Why should I be charged because they chose to live there?"  And so forth. Of course, there are many, many people who are wonderful and generous in this (and every other) country.  But we seem to have so many rotten bastards who can't stand that they didn't personally get to review everyone's medical records or financial statements to make certain that those people qualify for something that makes the society as a whole a better place to live.  We have millions of Ebenezer Scrooges, convinced that any program that helps the common welfare is actually a sort of governmental pickpocketing.  How the hell did this happen?

Oh, and as you may have read here and other places, it's goddamned cheaper for everyone to have the medical risk spread across the entire society.  The outcomes are, on average, better FOR EVERYBODY that way.  So not only is arguing against universal health care monstrous and horrid, it's plain fucking stupid from a financial standpoint.

Let's go back to Gladwell here: 

The issue about what to do with the health-care system is sometimes presented as a technical argument about the merits of one kind of coverage over another or as an ideological argument about socialized versus private medicine.  It is, instead, about a few very simple questions.  Do you think that this kind of redistribution of risk is a good idea? Do you think that people whose genes predispose them to depression or cancer, or whose poverty complicates asthma or diabetes, or who get hit by a drunk driver, or who have to keep their mouths closed because their teeth are rotting ought to bear a greater share of the costs of their health care than those of us who are lucky enough to escape such misfortunes? In the rest of the industrialized world, it is assumed that the more equally and widely the burdens of illness are shared, the better off the population as a whole is likely to be.

He's god damn right. 

Think about this for a minute.  "We" are the richest people that have ever lived in history.  I know, a good portion of those riches are concentrated among the top 1%, but on a per capita basis, we are enormously wealthy.  We are the country that sent men to the god-damned moon.  The moon.  We looked up at that celestial body, and said "You know what?  Let's make that our bitch."  And we did.  We sent six teams of humans to go stomp around on that motherfucker.  It was fantastically expensive, but we decided we wanted to do it, and we did.  Of course, it helped that we had to show the Russians that our dicks were bigger than theirs, but the point is this--when we decided something was worth doing, we turned to and did it.  What could possibly be more worthwhile than building a just, equitable society where people have the right--the fucking right--to be cared for when they are sick?  We can afford it.  We just have to decide that it's important.  Last year's health care law was an important step in that direction.  Please--let's not step backwards.