yes, it took me seventeen months after i left to say that. yes, that indicates just how much i defer to peacemaking and unrequited respect. yes, in the saying of it, i obviously used a context that caused confusion. yes, the words were probably not pleasant to hear.

and no, i do not feel better, now.

it’s funny, how the subconscious works: what lurks, pent-up and invisible, sometimes springing into light at the most inconvenient of times, and what things can consistently avoid the various attempts at control. it defies redefinition because it constantly redefines itself: that process through which we reconcile the inevitable with the inevitability of the unreconciled.

altruistically speaking, altruism died just a little bit today. i shall not mourn it, for its ashes feed me.

but, yes, it is over; yes, it is done; and yes, it’s about time this was accepted by the other one who caused it to be.