The Thing
-Artist: Phil Harris as sung on "Mairzy Doats 44 Wacky Hits"
-MCA Records-MSD2-35180/GMD80041
-peak Billboard position # 1 for 5 weeks in 1950
-competing versions also charted by Arthur Godfrey (#24), and
-The Ames Brothers (#29)
-uses the melody of the traditional song "The Tailor's Boy"
-Words and Music by Charles R. Grean
Transcribers' Note: the "! ! !" represents the sound of three drum beats in rapid
succession-like "boom- ba-boom"
While I was walkin' down the beach one bright and sunny day
I saw a great big wooden box a-floatin' in the bay
I pulled it in and opened it up and much to my surprise
Oh, I discovered a ! ! !, right before my eyes
Oh, I discovered a ! ! !, right before my eyes
I picked it up and ran to town as happy as a king
I took it to a guy I knew who'd buy most anything
But this is what he hollered at me as I walked in his shop
"Oh, get out of here with that ! ! !, before I call a cop"
Oh, get out of here with that ! ! !, before I call a cop
I turned around and got right out, a-runnin' for my life
And then I took it home with me to give it to my wife
But this is what she hollered at me as I walked in the door
"Oh, get out of here with that ! ! !, and don't come back no more"
Oh get out of here with that ! ! !, and don't come back no more
One-zy Two-zy (I Love You-zy)
Phil Harris
by Dave Franklin and Irving Taylor
You'd never think arithmetic
Was something you'd enjoy,
But when it's done a certain way
It's fun for ev'ry girl and boy:
(Chorus)
One-zy, Two-zy, I'll kiss you-zy,
Two-zy, three-zy, you kiss me-zy;
Three-zy, four-zy, kiss some more-zy;
Let's start counting higher.
Four-zy, five-zy, let's get 'live-zy;
Five-zy, six-zy, hug me quick-zy,
Six-zy, sev'n-zy, this is heav'n-zy;
My heart's on a flyer.
Keep the numbers going 'till the songs is done;
Love will keep on growing, And we'll have lots of fun.
Sev'n-zy, eight-zy, you're my date-zy;
Eight-zy, nine-zy, ain't this fine-zy?
Nine-zy, ten-zy, start again-zy
One-zy, Two-zy, I love you-zy.
From: "Montcomags"
THE OLD MASTER PAINTER
This song *was* done by no fewer than six artists in 1950.
They charted thusly: Richard Hayes (#2); Dick Haymes (#4); Peggy Lee and
Mel Torme (#9); Phil Harris (#10); Snooky Lanson (#12); and Frank
Sinatra (#13) [info from Ronald Hontz]
That old master painter from the faraway hills
painted the violets and the daff-o-dills
He put the purple in the twilight haze
then did a rainbow for the rainy days
Dreamed up the murals on the blue summer skies
painted the devil in my darlin's eyes
Captured the dreamer with a thousand thrills
The old master painter from the faraway hills
Then came his masterpiece and when he was through
He smiled down from heaven and he gave me you
What a beautiful job on that wonderful day
That old master painter from the hills far away
(repeat) Dreamed up etc.
This was found courtesy of: Ken Sherry on the alt.music.big-band
newsgroup.
One-zy Two-zy (I Love You-zy)
Phil Harris
by Dave Franklin and Irving Taylor
You'd never think arithmetic
Was something you'd enjoy,
But when it's done a certain way
It's fun for ev'ry girl and boy:
(Chorus)
One-zy, Two-zy, I'll kiss you-zy,
Two-zy, three-zy, you kiss me-zy;
Three-zy, four-zy, kiss some more-zy;
Let's start counting higher.
Four-zy, five-zy, let's get 'live-zy;
Five-zy, six-zy, hug me quick-zy,
Six-zy, sev'n-zy, this is heav'n-zy;
My heart's on a flyer.
Keep the numbers going 'till the songs is done;
Love will keep on growing, And we'll have lots of fun.
Sev'n-zy, eight-zy, you're my date-zy;
Eight-zy, nine-zy, ain't this fine-zy?
Nine-zy, ten-zy, start again-zy
The oth er night I dreamed that I was
Down at the bottom of the sea.
I met a Mermaid fair, Who had a cottage there,
Her name was Minnie and she tumbled for me.
She had the tail of a fish for a train,
But just the same, she could sure entertain.
Chorus:
Oh what a time I had with Minnie the Mermaid,
Down at the bottom of the sea;
I forgot my troubles, There among the bubbles,
Gee but she was awfly good to me.
And ev'ry night when the star fish came out,
I'd hug and kiss her so.
Oh what a time I had with Minnie the mermaid,
I don't want you
But I hate to lose you
You got me in between the devil and the
deep blue sea
I forgive you
'Cause I can't forget you
You've got me in between the devil and the
deep blue sea
I want to cross you off my list
But when you come knocking at my door
Fate seems to give my heart a twist
And I come running back for more
I should hate you
But I guess I love you
You've got me in between the devil and the
Bill Jackson was a poor old dub
Who joined the Darktown Poker Club
But cursed the day he told them he would join
His money used to go like it had wings
If he yelled queens, someone had kings
And each night he would contribute all his coin
Then he said I'm gonna play ‘em tight tonight
He said there'll be no bobtail flushes make me bite
‘Cause when I gets in them my hands will be a peach
And he played them tight but lost his pile
And Bill got peevish after a while
So he rose, looked all around, and made this speech
He said you all see this brand new razor
I had it sharpened just today
Now I'm coming in there with my rules
That you must follow when you play
Now keep your big bony hands on the table
While you dealing, please
And don't be slippin' them aces down there
Er, in between your knees
And don't be makin' all them funny signs
Like you tryin' to tip off your hand
Just talk in American, boy, American
So's I can understand
And don't be dealin' off the bottom
Because ooh that's rough
Take five, five, then stop, that's enough
Now when you bet put up the chips
Because I don't like it when you shy
Then if you get busted go on out and get some
I'm gonna be here by and by
Pass them cards for me to shuffle
Everytime before you deals
Then if anything's wrong, I must see
‘Cause I mean, you always ain't no, er
Keep playin' that game according to Mr. Hoyle
You all play this game accordin' to me
Now sittin' right there in that there clan
There chance to be a one-eyed man
And Bill kept watchin' him out the corner of his eye
When ole one-eye would deal and then
Would cost that Bill another five or ten
Bill got up again, looked all around him with a sigh
He said, Lord, this is an awful shame
He said, There someone cheatin' in this ‘ere game
He said, it goes, er,
It ain't no do for me to name the guy
So I'll refrain from mentioning the party's name
If I catch him cheatin' just once again
I'm gonna take my fist and close that other eye
Now you see this brand new razor
I had it sharpened just today
I'm comin' in there with my own rules
That you must follow when you play
Hey kid, keep your hands up there
While you're givin' them out, please
Stop puttin' them wildies
Down there ‘tween your knees
Stop makin' all them funny signs
Like you're tryin' to tip off your hand
Keep talkin' in American, big AAA
That's what I can understand
And don't be getting' them off the bottom
Because I keep tryin' to tell you it's rough
This an army game, five, five, halt, that's enough
Now when you bet let me see the reds and blues
‘Cause I don't like it when you shy
Then if you run out of gas, go get pumped up
I'm gonna be here by and by
Pass them pasteboards for me to shuffle
Everytime before you deal, let me ripple
Anything wrong, I wanna see
I mean, you always ain't gonna keep playin' the game
According to that Mr. Hoyle
You all gonna play this game according to me
Henry, if you break the seal on that new deck of
bicycles
We'll go on from there, yeah
For all the crooners and swooners wherever they may be
Moonlight and magnolias, starlight in your hair
All the world a dream come true
Did it really happen, was I really there
Was I really there with you
We lived our little drama, we kissed in a field of
white
And stars fell on alabama that night
I cant forget the glamour, your eyes held a tender
light
And stars fell on alabama last night
Chorus:
I never planned in my imagination, a situation so
heavenly
A fairy land that no one else could enter
And in the center, just you and me, dear
My heart beat like a hammer, my arms wound around you
tight
And stars fell on alabama last night
--spoken:
Alright, lets take it on down from muscle shoals
through decatur
Mmmm, birmingham, ooh montgomery
Right up over spanish fort into mobile, my hometown
Mister t...
(harmonica solo)
Chorus:
I never planned in my imagination, a situation so
heavenly
A fairy land that no one else could enter
And in the center, just you and me, dear
My heart beat like a hammer, my arms wound around you
tight
Ah, stars fell on alabama last night
--spoken:
One more time boys...
Yes, we lived our little drama
We kissed on the dunes so white
And stars fell on alabama
You get a line and I'll get a pole, Honey,
You get a line and I'll get a pole, Babe.
You get a line and I'll get a pole,
We'll go fishin' in the crawdad hole,
Honey, Baby mine.
Yonder comes a man with a sack on his back, Honey,
Yonder comes a man with a sack on his back, Babe,
Yonder comes a man with a sack on his back,
Packin' all the crawdads he can pack,
Honey, Baby mine.
That man fell down and hebusted that sack, Honey,
That man fell down and busted that sack, Babe,
The man fell down and he broke that sack,
See those crawdads backing back,
Honey, Baby mine.
What do the duck say to the drake, Honey,
What do the duck say to the drake, Babe,
What do the duck say to the drake,
There ain't no crawdads in this lake,
Look for the bare necessities
The simple bare necessities
Forget about your worries and your strife
I mean the bare necessities
Old Mother Nature's recipes
That brings the bare necessities of life
Wherever I wander, wherever I roam
I couldn't be fonder of my big home
The bees are buzzin' in the tree
To make some honey just for me
When you look under the rocks and plants
And take a glance at the fancy ants
Then maybe try a few
The bare necessities of life will come to you
They'll come to you!
Look for the bare necessities
The simple bare necessities
Forget about your worries and your strife
I mean the bare necessities
That's why a bear can rest at ease
With just the bare necessities of life
Now when you pick a pawpaw
Or a prickly pear
And you prick a raw paw
Next time beware
Don't pick the prickly pear by the paw
When you pick a pear
Try to use the claw
But you don't need to use the claw
When you pick a pear of the big pawpaw
Have I given you a clue ?
The bare necessities of life will come to you
They'll come to you!
[Music interlude]
So just try and relax, yeah cool it
Fall apart in my backyard
'Cause let me tell you something little britches
If you act like that bee acts, uh uh
You're working too hard
And don't spend your time lookin' around
For something you want that can't be found
When you find out you can live without it
And go along not thinkin' about it
I'll tell you something true
The bare necessities of life will come to you
Look for the bare necessities
The simple bare necessities
Forget about your worries and your strife
I mean the bare necessities
That's why a bear can rest at ease
Now, I know all, you all don't know who I is
Because I just got here today
My hometown is a little town
Way down Dixie way
Now, everybody down there from miles around
All calls me by my name
Now that I'm up here
In your big city
I sure wish you'd all do the same
Because I'm a ding dong daddy from Dumas
And you oughtta see me do my stuff
Why, I'm a clean cut fella
From Hohner's Corner
Ooh, you oughtta see me strut
I'm a paper cuttin' cutie
Got a gal called, Katy
She's a little, heavy lady
And I call her baby
I'm a ding dong daddy from Dumas
And you oughtta see me do my stuff
Yes, a ding dong daddy from Dumas
And you oughtta see me do my stuff
I'm a ping pong papa from Pitchfork Prairie
Oughtta see me strut
I'm a ding dong daddy
Got a whiz bang mama
She's a Bear Creek baby
And a whompous kitty
I'm a ding dong daddy from Dumas
And you oughtta see me do my stuff
-Instrumental Break-
Just a ding dong daddy from Dumas
Ooh, you oughtta see me do my stuff
I'm a cornpone popper
And an apple knocker
You oughtta see me strut
I'm a momma lovin' man
And I just left Mary
She's a big blonde baby
From Peanut Prairie
I'm a ding dong daddy from Dumas now
And you oughtta see me do my stuff
-Instrumental Break-
Just a rinky dinky daddy from the Dumas
Who you'll see me doin' my stuff
I'm a peach pie papa
From Jackson's Holla
Ah, you oughtta see me strut
I'm a honey drippin' daddy
Got a hard-hearted baby
She's a sheep shakin' Sheba
And hallelujah!
I'm a ding dong daddy from Dumas
They used to tell me
I was building a dream.
And so I followed the mob
When there was earth to plow
Or guns to bear
I was always there
Right on the job.
They used to tell me
I was building a dream
With peace and glory ahead.
Why should I be standing in line
Just waiting for bread?
Once I built a railroad
I made it run
Made it race against time.
Once I built a railroad
Now it's done
Brother, can you spare a dime?
Once I built a tower up to the sun
Brick and rivet and lime.
Once I built a tower,
Now it's done.
Brother, can you spare a dime?
Once in khaki suits
Gee we looked swell
Full of that yankee doodle dee dum.
Half a million boots went sloggin' through hell
And I was the kid with the drum!
Say don't you remember?
They called me Al.
It was Al all the time.
Why don't you remember?
I'm your pal.
Say buddy, can you spare a dime?
Once in khaki suits,
Ah, gee we looked swell
Full of that yankee doodle dee dum!
Half a million boots went sloggin' through hell
And I was the kid with the drum!
Oh, say don't you remember?
They called me Al.
It was Al all the time.
Say, don't you remember?
I'm your pal.
I met a guy today I knew years ago, when he was 23,
And he was married to a widow who was as pretty as
could be.
Now this widow had a grown-up daughter who had
beautiful hair of red,
And this guy's father fell in love with her and soon
the two were wed.
Now this made the guy's dad his son-in-law and changed
his very life
For his daughter was his mother because she was his
father's wife.
Now to complicate the matter even though it brought him
joy,
He soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy.
Now his little baby then became a brother-in-law to his
dad,
And so became his uncle and though that made him very
sad,
For if the baby was his uncle then that also made him
brother,
Of the widow's grown-up daughter who was of course his
step-mother
[chorus]
(He's his own grandpa) Now you're catching on.
(He's his own grandpa) Well naturally!
It sounds funny I know, but really its so.
(He's his own grandpa) Well wait a minute, get a load
of this!
Now his father's wife had a son who kept them on the
run,
So he became his grandchild for he was his daughter's
son.
His wife is now his mother's mother and of course that
makes him blue
Because although she's his wife she's his grandmother
too!
(He's his own grandpa) Fun in the living room
(He's his own grandpa) Absolutely!
It sounds funny i know, but really it's so.
(He's his own grandpa) Yea, but look, get the payoff.
Now his wife is his grandmother, then he is her
grandchild.
And every time the guy thinks of it it nearly drives
him wild!
For now he has become the strangest case you ever saw,
As husband of his grandmother, he's his own grandpa!
(He's his own grandpa) And loving every minute!
(He's his own grandpa) Oh tell me more!
It sounds funny I know, but really it's so,
He's his own grandpa.
One night farmer brown was takin' the air
Locked up the barnyard with the greatest of care
Down in the hen house something stirred
When he shouted, "who's there?"
This is what he heard
There ain't nobody here but us chickens
There ain't nobody here at all
So quiet yourself and stop that fuss
There ain't nobody here but us
We chickens tryin' to sleep and you bust in
And hobble, hobble, hobble, hobble, with your chin
There ain't nobody here but us chickens
There ain't nobody here at all
You're stompin' around and shakin' the ground
You’re Kicking up an ful dust
We chickens tryin' to sleep and you bust in
And hobble, hobble, hobble, hobble, it's a sin
Tomorrow is a busy day
We got things to do, we got eggs to lay
Worms to catch, ground to scratch
It takes a lot of sittin', gettin' chicks to hatch
There ain’t nobody here but us chickens
There ain’t nobody here at all
So quiet yourself and stop that fuss
There ain’t nobody here but us
And kindly point that gun the other way
And hobble, hobble, hobble off and hit the hay
(Orchestral interlude)
Tomorrow is a busy day
We got things to do, we got eggs to lay
Worms to catch and ground to scratch
It takes a lot of settin', gettin' chicks to hatch
There ain’t nobody here but us chickens
There ain’t nobody here at all
So quiet yourself and stop that fuss
There ain’t nobody here but us
And kindly point that gun the other way
[1st verse:]
A great big tree grows near our house
It's been there quite some time
This tree's a slipp'ry elm tree and very hard to climb
But when my wife starts after me, up in that tree I
roost
I go up like a healthy squirrel and never need no boost
The other day a woodman came to chop the refuge down
And carve it into kindling wood, to peddle 'round the
town
I says to him, "I pray thee cease, desist, refrain and
stop
Lay down that razor, man, chop not a single chop"
[chorus:]
Woodman, woodman, spare that tree
Touch not a single bough
For years it has protected me
And I'll protect it now
Chop down an oak, a birch or pine
But not this slipp'ry elm of mine
It's the only tree that my wife can't climb
So spare that tree
[2nd verse:]
I said to him, "You see that hole
Up near that old treetop
I've got five dollars there, that's yours, if you
refrain to chop
No beast but me can climb that tree, 'cause it's too
slippery
I can't get up myself, unless my wife is after me
So get my wife and I'll call her a very naughty word
And then you'll see me give an imitation of a bird
You may not know just where to go, when my wife gets
around
But when she comes, remember this, if I'm not on the
(Charles R. Grean)
While I was walkin' down the beach
One bright and sunny day
I saw a great big wooden box
A-floatin' in the bay
I pulled it in and opened it up
And much to my surprise
Oh, I discovered a...
Right before my eyes
Oh, I discovered a...
Right before my eyes
I picked it up and ran to town
As happy as a king
I took it to a guy I knew
Who'd buy most anything
But this is what he hollered at me
As I walked in his shop
"Oh, get out of here with that...
Before I call a cop"
"Oh, get out of here with that...
Before I call a cop"
I turned around and got right out
A-runnin' for my life
And then I took it home with me
To give it to my wife
But this is what she hollered at me
As I walked in the door
"Oh, get out of here with that...
And don't come back no more"
"Oh, get out of here with that...
And don't come back no more"
[Instrumental Interlude]
I wandered all around the town
Until I chanced to meet
A hobo who was lookin' for
A handout on the street
He said he'd take most any old thing
He was a desperate man
But when I showed him the...
He turned around and ran
Oh, when I showed him the...
He turned around and ran
I wandered on for many years
A victim of my fate
Until one day I came upon
St Peter at the gate
And when I tried to take it inside
He told me where to go
Get out of here with that...
And take it down below
Oh, get out of here with that...
And take it down below
The moral of this story is
If you're out on the beach
And you should see a great big box
And it's within your reach
Don't ever stop and open it up
That's my advice to you
'Cause you'll never get rid of the...
No matter what you do
Oh, you'll never get rid of the...
People brag, people boast,
And consistently drink a toast
To a place that a lot of them place on top of the heap.
Are they wrong? Are they right?
Is there reason for their delight?
I must live in doubt till the day that I find out.
Is it true what they say about Dixie?
Does that sun really shine all the time?
Do them sweet magnolias blossom
Round everybody's door?
Do folks keep eatin' possom
Till they cain't eat no more?
Is it true what they say about the Swanee?
Is the dream by that stream so sublime?
Do they laugh, do they love,
Like they say in every song?
If they do, that's where I belong.
(partly said, partly sung)
Now if you like a sweet magnolia lane,
Gals as sweet as sugar cane,
Then hop the nearest choo choo train,
'Cause it's all aboard for Dixie.
If you like to hear that southern drawl,
And gals who say "I loves ya-all,"
Then they ain't no use for you to stall,
You better get on down to Dixie.
And if you like to hear them melodies
With old Virginnia harmonies,
And "Mammy" songs on bended knees,
It's time you went to Dixie.
And if you like that real hospitality,
The B-flat blues and General Lee,
They ain't no other place to be,
Just fly on down to Dixie.
Now when you're 'round that there Swanee shore,
You just go and knock on any door
And then ask them who won that civil war,
'Cause they gonna' tell you down in Dixie.
I'm gonna' pack my shoes and walkin' stick,
My cotton shirt and my banjo pick.
If you need me, you can reach me quick,
I'm on my way to Dixie.
(sung)
'Cause it's true what they say about Dixie.
Uh - huh that sun really shines all the time,
And them sweet magnolias blossom
'Round everybody's door,
And the folks keep eatin' possom
Till they can't eat no more.
Uh - huh it's true what they say about old Swanee.
Yes, a dream by that stream is so sublime.
And they laugh, and they love
Like they say in every song,
(1st verse:)
A great big tree grows near our house
It's been there quite some time
This tree's a slipp'ry elm tree and very hard to climb
But when my wife starts after me, up in that tree I roost
I go up like a healthy squirrel and never need no boost
The other day a woodman came to chop the refuge down
And carve it into kindling wood, to peddle 'round the town
I says to him, "I pray thee cease, desist, refrain and stop
Lay down that razor, man, chop not a single chop"
(chorus:)
Woodman, woodman, spare that tree
Touch not a single bough
For years it has protected me
And I'll protect it now
Chop down an oak, a birch or pine
But not this slipp'ry elm of mine
It's the only tree that my wife can't climb
So spare that tree
(2nd verse:)
I said to him, "You see that hole
Up near that old treetop
I've got five dollars there, that's yours, if you refrain to chop
No beast but me can climb that tree, 'cause it's too slippery
I can't get up myself, unless my wife is after me
So get my wife and I'll call her a very naughty word
And then you'll see me give an imitation of a bird
You may not know just where to go, when my wife gets around
Won't you come with me to Alabamy
Let's go see my dear old mammy
She's frying eggs and broilin' hammy
That's what I like about the south
Now there you can make no mistaky
Where those? never shaky
Ought to taste her layer cakey
That's what I like about the south
She's got big ribs and candied yams
Oh, sugar cured Virginia hams
Basements full of those berry jams
And that's what I like about the south
Hot cornbread and black-eyed peas
You can eat as much as you please
'Cause it's never out of season
That's what I like about the south
Ah, don't take one, have two
They're bark brown and chocolate too
Suits me they must suit you
'Cause that's what I like about the south
It's a way way down where the cane grows tall
Down where they say "you all"
Walk on in with that southern drawl
'Cause that's what I like about the south
Sit down where they have those pretty queens keep a dreamin'
Those dreamy dreams
Well let's sip that? within New Orleans
And that's what I like about the south
Here come ole Bob with all the news
Got the box back coat and the button shoes
Well he's all caught up with his union dues
And that's what I like about the south
Here come ole Roy down the street
Ho, can't you hear those coupla feet
He would rather Sleep
And tha tha tha that's what I like about the south
Now every time I pass your door
You act like you don't want me no more
Why don't you shake your head and sigh
And I'll go walkin' right on by
Gone on, on and on and on
Honey when you tell me that you love me
Then how come you close your eyes
Did I tell you about the place called Do-I-Ditty
It ain't no town and it ain't no city
It's just awful small but awful pretty
With Do-I-Ditty
I didn't come here to critisize
I'm not here to sympathize
But don't call me those no good lies
Cause a lying gal I do despise
You love me like I love you
Send me fifty PDQ
Roses are red and violets are pink
I'll get that good ole fifty I don't think
She's got back bones and buttered beans
Ham hocks and turnip greens
You and me in New Oleans
