Your here, in the boys bathroom good, your actually a little early. Sorry im very punctual, sorry. Alright get over here! Ahhh! You little geek! Oh no your forcing me into the stall! Thats correct hahaha! Oh no your sticking my head into the toilet water! Thats precisely what im doing! Now your flushing, oh god its so embarrassing! And now let me tell you what im going to do. No. Im gonna smash your head into the side of the stall. Oh you wouldnt! Until it goes all the way through the stall, creating a glory hole. A glory hole? Then your gonna go around to the other side and im gonna stick my cock anonamously through the glory hole. Oh no. And if it doesnt get sucked I dont know what im gonna do.
Chorus: Stop pickin on me. Because I'm a geek. I'm strange to you. You're strange to me. Well, one of these days. I'm gonna pack heat.
Your brains on the wall. My face, my face on tv.
They dissipate the pungent odor of a power holder.
Sand kickers comin' sixty clicks upon the sonar.
They're gonna fold me over like a trapper keeper folder.
If this was D&D;, you'd see me jump into a portal.
I'm a geek, spelled g double e k.
I meet my boys in the basement about every day.
Card table, comic books, and cans of coke.
That we blow out our nose after a Star Wars joke.
We got style.
Tape on our glasses, zits on our faces and hair on our asses.
Shiny shoes, belt buckles and pocket protectors.
Tricked out back packs like my main man Venkman's.
We got problems, namely the jocks.
The SUV suckers with class rings on their cocks.
Otherwise known as the motherfuckers touchin' the tit.
If I was wolverine, you'd hear my knuckles go snikt.
I'm not perfect, the b4 picture of Peter Parker.
I always trip and drop my tray in front of the girl that always sparkles.
I got brains, fuck B's and C's.
I got a grade point average higher than Hendrix on New Year's Eve.
chorus repeat
Don't fuck with a geek, just 'cause he got a gift.
You get in my way bitch you get a Vulcan neck pinch.
One night I didn't go to sleep, up playin' Risk.
At dawn, I won, got global dominance.
But it in the hallway it's completely different shit.
Can't get my locker open and my pants are always split.
Can't seem to catch a ride, can't ever get a date.
But in my mind 7 of 9 thinks I'm great.
Prom night bites, primadonnas prevail.
I'm at home reciting lines from the Holy Grail.
Stuffed nose, and some swollen glands.
Never, been kissed, never been holding hands.
Just, bust my biscuits over Britney in a bubble bath.
Darth Vader with inhalers, in case my lungs collapse.
The dragon died from a heart attack
You may advance and yo, I upped your armor class.
Being a geek, it aint so bad.
I can't get laid, I got Japanime stashed.
And a mind jam packed with sci-fi facts.
Dreadnoks rocked, Dynobots kick ass.
Verse 1
Is she dope, yep, ass in full effect,
she walks into the room and all the guys come down with strep,
thinkin they can step, their hands go up with sweat,
but she be down with me since fetts vette (jets jets),
shes a hard drinka, a lollypop licka,
a pistol packing mama got me posed like a thinker,
she gold like the Aztecs or is it the incas
she call the shot and the shot be cunnilingus
she heaven sent on the x-box playing halo
wish that she would clean my pipes like she wa draino,
wish she wasnt hotter than a plate of jalapenos,
i feel like the kid, that wants to eat his play dough,
you shouldnt 'cause it should be bad for your health,
take one look at her and you be screamin for help
or call up the police say put me in a cell,
i cant resist this dish im under emilys spell if you couldnt already tell
i love every iota, yoda should have told me she was off to south dakota
one more yacht bird flew the coop I guess old gordy done screwed the pooch
(Chorus)
only thing i love more than herb is the bird but my luck's kinda fucked its a wonder that I flirt but I do and i will 'cause im still just a nerd ever been left behind, let me hear ya say w3rd
Verse 2
Shes a go getter dressed in a sweater
we watched black hawk down together
her name's heather, there's no better, didn't want her to go, but I had to let her
remember hot weather, there I first met her, ellen was saying we should so get together, miss going on dates, girls getting dolled up
Outside the yacht club, cant belive she showed up
scholios chick, one fake tit
always bitin her lip, always walkin with a limp
always talkin shit, always beggin to kiss
'cause you can't resist the lips of an MC Chris
we only had a month to hump it was rough
she was the first one that brought over a tooth brush
she missed home, horses in the barn
life was sucking so kentucky was pulling her arm
just one bird that got away
keep up to date by checkin her LJ
on my birthday she bought me chucks
not only does it blow it totally sucks
(Chorus)
Verse 3
Her name was lb, she was an actress
I filled up her spaces like madlibs
way above average she was just a sad kid
so i couldnt help but give the girl my address
she live in texas like to get messed up
like to tease the boys so she always got dressed up
like to get in fights with the truckers at the rest stop
she was top notch and her bod was the best part
fan of mine summertime droppin' me a line
sounded kinda cute couldnt help but reply
chillin in her pool squintin at the sky
cell phone rings MC says high
so were talking everyday, flirtin up a storm
plans a road trip i say w3rd is born
and my mind's set on porn, and i think im gonna score
I get down on all fours start scrubbin all the floors
then i get all nervous that an accident is imminent,
never have a chance to relax and get intimate
arrives at my drive, I sigh, get all shy
so we all get all high walk down little 5
do a shot buy some pot, take a seat on the street
shes cute and shes nice and shes hot and shes sweet
and she makes the first move 'cause i'm set on defeat
then I tongue lap her flaps till she snaps and she screams
and she just leaves, and im kinda relieved no ODs VDs hearts on my sleeve
not a stalker just a talker ass tight as a weave once a newbie now a groupie double clicking on me -what?
Is she dope? Yep, ass in full effect, she walks into the room and all the guys come down with strep, thinking they can step, their hands get wet with sweat, but she been down with me since Fett's Vette. She's a hard drinker, lollipop licker, pistol packin' mama got me posed like the thinker, she's gold like the Aztecs or is it the Incas, she calls the shot and the shot be cunnilingus. She's heaven sent on the Xbox playing Halo, wish that she would clean my pipes like she was draino, wish she wasn't hotter than a plate of jalapenos, I feel like a kid that wants to eat like it's play-dough, you shouldn't, 'cause that shit be bad for your health, take one look at her and you'll be screaming for help, call up the police, say put me in a cell, I can't resist this dish, I'm under Emily's spell, if you couldn't already tell, I loved every iota, Yoda shoulda told me she was off to South Dakota, one more yacht bird flew the coop I guess old Gordy done screwed the pooch.
Only thing I love more
Than herb is the bird
But my luck's kinda fucked
It's a wonder that I flirt
But I do and I will
'Cause I'm still just a nerd
Ever been left behind
Let me hear ya say word
Only thing I love more
Than herb is the bird
But my luck's kinda fucked
It's a wonder that I flirt
But I do and I will
'Cause I'm still just a nerd
Ever been left behind
Let me hear ya say word
She's a go getter, dressed in sweater, we watched Blackhawk down together, her name's Heather, there's no better, didn't want her to go, but I had to let her, I started a yacht club, can't believe she showed up. Scholiosis chick, one fake tit, always bitin' her lip, always walkin' with a limp, always talkin' shit, always beggin' to kiss 'cause you can't resist the lips of an MC Chris. We only had a month to hump, it was rough, she was the first one that brought over a toothbrush, she missed home, horses in the barn, life was sucking so Kentucky was pulling her arm, just one bird that got away, keep up to date by checking her LJ, on my birthday, she bought me chucks, not only does it blow, it totally sucks.
Only thing I love more
Than herb is the bird
But my luck's kinda fucked
It's a wonder that I flirt
But I do and I will
'Cause I'm still just a nerd
Ever been left behind
Let me hear ya say word
Only thing I love more
Than herb is the bird
But my luck's kinda fucked
It's a wonder that I flirt
But I do and I will
'Cause I'm still just a nerd
Ever been left behind
Let me hear ya say word
Her name was LB
she was an actress
I filled up her
spaces like madlibs
way above average
she was just a sad kid
so I couldn't help
but give the girl my address
she lived in Texas
like to get messed up
like to tease the boys
so she always got dressed up
like to get in fights
with the truckers at the rest stops
she was top notch
and her bod was the best part
fan of mine, summer time
dropping me a line
sounded kinda cute
couldn't help but reply
chilling in her pool
squinting at the sky
cell phone rings
MC Chris says hi
soon we're talking everyday
flirtin' up a storm
plans to road trip
I say word is born
and my mind's set on porn
and I think I'm gonna score
I get down on all fours
start scrubing all the floors
then I get all nervous
that an accident is imminent
never have a chance to relax
and get intimate
arrives at my drive
I sigh, get all shy
so we all get all high
walk down to little five
do a shot, buy some pot
take a seat on the street
she's cute and she's nice
and she's hot and she's sweet
and she makes the first move
'cause I'm set on defeat
then I tongue lap her flaps
'til she snaps and she screams
and she just leaves
and I'm kinda relieved
no OD's, VD's
hearts on my sleeve
not a stalker just a talker
ass tight as weave
once a newbie now a groupie
double clickin' on me
Only thing I love more
Than herb is the bird
But my luck's kinda fucked
It's a wonder that I flirt
But I do and I will
'Cause I'm still just a nerd
Ever been left behind
Let me hear ya say word
Only thing I love more
Than herb is the bird
But my luck's kinda fucked
It's a wonder that I flirt
But I do and I will
'Cause I'm still just a nerd
Ever been left behind
white kids love hip hop and disc jocks, go-carts and fist fights, getting drunk on bud
then getting high like a pitch pipe. are you an mc chris type; a hip hop lovin' half pint?
then just turn on your heartlight. a bunsen burner barfly. this is our time blast it from
the boombox, liberate the goondocks, saw your cousin in a tube top, bust a nugget in a
tube sock. it's tupac, it's big pop, it's hip hop, it don't stop. I love that song,
I love that groove. motherfucker, well I can't help but move. so if you don't mind, if it's
alright with you I'm gonna get in the electric slide line just to prove that:
chorus â white kids love hip hop x3
white kids love hip hop and axel, tractors and rambo, playing unreal tournament with
infinite ammo. taggers and vandals in black socks and sandals, doin as many drugs as they
can motherfuckin' handle. skippin' school, breakin' rules and flippin the bird, fast food
cartoons after ittin' some erb. freakin dem flirts, making'm pur till it hurts, just a
couple nerds clockin' the curbs, a couple a words about my nilla wiggas, packin peters
that are measured in milimeters. we don't talk in the theaters like we're siskel and ebert.
we drink box wine and we listen to weezer.
chorus repeat
man, there's nothin' to do in this stupid town
rope swing's busted, stinking cops allways kicking me out of the park
manager of the 7-11 always says "get off my curb you good for nothing"
all the girls already know I'm a bad kisser so they don't come anywhere near me
I don't know how many times I've been to TGIF
a kid can eat an onion bloom only so many times
bowling's boring, the skating rink's been taken over by 12 year olds
there ain't no good movies out, blockbuster never has any good gamesin
I don't want to play Bombad Racing, I mean what the heck is that?
I'm sick of all my records and every time I walk into a record store, I forget what I want to get
and their ain't nothing on TV, not a stupid thing!
There ain't nothing to do 'cept take naps
and wait paitently for death!
chorus repeat
Smokein' and drinkin' and smokein' and drinkin'
Smokein' and drinkin' and smokein' and drinkin'
What were we, what were we, what were we thinkin'?
Smokein' and smokein' and smokein' and drinkin'!
I don't smoke blunts
'Cause I'm frugal with my dookie
I hock a loogie, spit it out
Then hit the hoochie
I'm on bud like Hux comma Rudy
It's my duty to get loopy
On the Buddha like it's bootie
I smoke fields
I cold cock craps
I smoke peels
Smoke Robe cough drops
I smoke if it's green
I smoke Monopoly homes
It spices up my life
When the monotony drones
I smoke bags
Smoke bails
Smoke 'till I see trails
Only time I put it down
Is when I see a female
Just a minor detail
That will usualy pass
I'll hit that ass
Hit that glass packed
Right with the grass
I smoke Greedo
I smoke Kermit
I smoke the weed
'Til it makes me vermit
I vote third party
That's code for get high
Pass the Yoshi
To the left hand side
Smokey doesn't like me
'Cause I burn up his trees
I smoke more sesame seeds
Than I was Mayor McCheese
I'm just a cancer ridden MC
Seekin' pain relief
Pass the marijuana
Hit it, hold in, release
Smokein' and drinkin' and smokein' and drinkin'
Smokein' and drinkin' and smokein' and drinkin'
What were we, what were we, what were we thinkin'?
Smokein' and smokein' and smokein' and drinkin'!
I'll scrape your bong
Steal roaches from your ashtray
I'll rent nice dreams
I'll rent Half Baked
I'll eat a box of Frosted Flakes
Because they taste great
Only leads to cat naps
Doesn't lead to date rape
Light the incense
Turn on the blacklight
Steady stressin'
Let's get stoned like stalactites
Break it out, break it up
Pack it the bag pipes
Get on the PC
And play a little Half-Life
I hit the Apple
And ended up at Applebee's
Went to Wendy's
Went to Denny's
Went to Mickey D's
I went to Crystal
Went to Castle
Went where I pleased
Ate more meat and cheese
Than Mr. Dom Delouise
I slept all day
And I got nothing accomplished
Just being honest
I get paranoid and nautious
I get obnoxious
It's not comin' at a constant
It's a pipe
Not a pulpit
Pass it on
Or get accosted
Smokein' and drinkin' and smokein' and drinkin'
Smokein' and drinkin' and smokein' and drinkin'
What were we, what were we, what were we thinkin'?
way back college boy asked to a high school dance
couldn't wait, but my date was in my friend's pants.
didn't know what to do, mc feelin blue,
til my best friend said that the red would get me through.
went to the jewel with my crew, adults only box,
in a second hand suit, bow tie, i'm a fox.
in a car on the street, in my mouth swisher sweet
down that shit at my crib in a one gulp feet
room starts to turn like cheese,
my tummy starts to churn like grease,
on my knees like a rug burn beast
like an intern tease with a yeast (infection.)
all the while on the tile, feel like I got the flu.
think I'm gonna throw, I think this night is through
ding dong, date's arrived and her dress is ripped.
she don't know I'm on a robotussin trip.
in the back two girls going stag fat asses.
i demand from the date her sunglasses.
do a drop roll out the car like axel.
I need an angel, I need some fuckin advil.
I got a buzz bigger than a behive
cough up my cookies let loose what's on the inside
chorus
the tussin, the tussin
put it down like it was nothing
robocop couldn't stop me puking and flushin
no balls to be bustin, no fightin, no cussin
just love for a drug called robotussin
way back college boy, live on eleventh floor.
head out my window, wonder what I'm living for.
knock on my door, what's in store, it's my buddy bux
with the rabbit ear pockets saying he is out of luck.
Need a forty for party thrown by laura kang at rubin.
all he's got is snot and a box full of ludens.
Tell'm bout the tussin, we're hayden ho hustlin'
interupting discussions about reagonomic reprocussions.
Fuck'm, we're fuckin chug luggin.
soon my stomach I'm huggin I'm trippin or something
my coat I button, keep it down like a dungeon.
you could call me the cough medicine curmudgeon.
frankly, the feeling's fuckin fantastic
I'm tripping like jesus in the desert when he fasted,
Like it's the night before we all get drafted,
Like we're rowing through some rapids with Kevin Bacon, white water rafting
Like you're on epcot center on acid? Exactly.
What's my name? mc
And what do I do? Rap.
M.D.'s screaming need 50 cc's of mc stat.
E.R. staff be freakin' like mariah on the rag.
mc chris squeezin' contents out of tiny plastic bags.
it's like hypnotizin' eyes and gettin' digits on the pad.
legs seperate like hyphens because mc's still the mack.
identify the items by the bar code on the tag.
identify the rapper 'cause he's knee deep in the vag.
I got my glocks cocked,
I got my nine's primed,
I got my crosshairs locked on kelly lebrock's behind,
I got my lungs locked on chemotherapy kind,
I got more rhyme than shel silverstein and shakespeare combined.
(Chorus)
I sound like a ten year old
or so I've been told,
but you don't need a voice that's low to make the microphone gold.
other's claim that they be midas but they got laryngitis,
so wont'cha kick it with the mc with the voice that's the highest.
so come on.
what's my name? mc.
and what do I do? rock.
I'm intimidating jocks
and inseminating socks,
I'm infiltrating flocks of fembots,
high off that hemlock,
mud wrestling bittie buttocks like ox.
let's knock chucks 'cause we can't afford boots.
let's get high aka pull tubes.
don't ask why, just let it all loose,
watch this mike get abused,
watch me change your attitude.
call me gavin, I'm the captain of this carnival cruise.
kathie lee lets me rub my dick on her boobs.
seems tweens in cleavage jeans is many a man's muse,
all mc needs is just a bucket of booze.
watch me, blow a load on your butt tattoo,
watch me, come back for seconds like it's chinese food.
no one can hear you scream, 'cause it's a soundproof room.
I'm done, get the fuck out, send in number two!
repeat chorus
what's my name? mc.
and what do I do? roll.
I'm all up in that shit like it's fuckin camel toe.
olsen twins on my dick like it's a stripper pole.
if you're hooked on the shit, my middle name is methadone.
so, let's do this quick so no one will ever know.
mc nice got more ice than a fuckin' eskimo.
he's not whack nickleback singing songs for michelobe.
jigga man, why you treat me like animal?
at the mall, at the park, rollerink, backyard,
soft hearted bard who makes the hardcore hard.
I weigh a buck fiddy, stand 5.5,
and when I muff dive, you see the fuckin fur fly.
don't own a celly, my sneakers is my ride,
been disgraced, demoted, I been denied.
all my fan mail says someday that I'll get signed.
mc chris, lower case, no dots, rewind.
Please allow me to reintroduce myself
My name is Chris
And I do not exist
It's just some shit that a kid did just for kicks
An effort of the last ditch
To stop the steel from slitting the wrist
Thick in the midst of life being a bitchof just being Chris
That's when the little fucker just started flipping the script
Cleaning his kicks, clearing his throat, betting the chips
That there's a bunch of kids like him with no rims
No checks, no chicks, no switches to flip
Like Edward Scissorhands with mad salivia glands
MC Chris spits like a kid when he is really is a man
And he really is a fan of the Skywalker clan
And any other band claiming that they're weaker than
Started out a solo mission, quickly became round up
Of any underdog, any unloveable pound pup
Any mother fuck who's a thug, thanks to bad luck
Any punk that's drunk 'cause he ain't found love
Oh I
Drop rhymes
Cop kind
Stop time
Oh I
Drop rhymes
Cop kind
Stop time
By verse two I wasn't even on the map
'Til all that jazz let all the cats see where I was at
They downloaded all my raps, saw the shit was fat
Like Fat Albert on the can after eatin fifty hams
Mad kids were clapping hands, with their windows down
Fucking up their town with the MC sound
Consider this MC effortless, never felt profound
Now it's, fuck a pronoun, third person from here on out
That's what people do with clout
When they wanna get their pimp on
They show up uninvited and then double dip their chip on
I'll instill a little pride in the shy guy with the clip on
Back by the punch bowl and the bumping sound system
He's dancing all by himself
He wants to dance with someone else
I asked, it helps if you speak a little elf
Chant the tiniest hermione spell
It'll make the mightiest melt
Watch him crumble into puddles 'cause he's just a geek
You supply the leet speak, we'll supply the beat
It's a brand new dating service
To an the endless sea of nerdage
Check the verbage
Then please look beneath the surface
Oh I
Drop rhymes
Cop kind
Stop time
Oh I
Drop rhymes
Cop kind
Stop time
My voice is just like me, really fucking high
It's sad you wanna battle I hope you just up chuck and die
I'm not here to look fly, by dissin on some guy
I'm here to hit on ladies with my motherfuckin rhymes
these are troubled times and we need to squash the hate
just like David Silver before this next commercial break
so before you log on just to motherfuckin flame
you have to understand you missed the point and you are lame
do you think this is just a game? this aint no rpg.
mc chris is just a brand, homes, that shit's hardly me
trying to hustle for that dollar so i get something to eat,
pay my bills, buy some games and perhaps a little weed
is that too much to ask? do i seem too defensive?
pensive over lessons that my fans are double guessin?
you guessed it. and how does an mc stay impressive
to all the naysayers, knuckleheads, and rubberneckers?
by mic checkin i reckon, reflect a moment or second
on the most bad ass tag team you seen since tekken
representin like I'm fenton. all ass i kick
mcchris will let you in, if you don't start no shit.
Oh I
Drop rhymes
Cop kind
Stop time
Oh I
Drop rhymes
Cop kind
I'm like Kenny Rogers in Six Pack
Girls won't give my dick back
All this sex affects my syntax
The pistol I pack's impact
Make's you gasp infact
So sit back, relax
While I grind this axe
On your Brazillian wax
Without fishing fast
I bask in the slash
Underneath your cinnamon ass
About ten minutes it lasts
I pull it out and pass gas
My name is MC Chris
Kinda cute
Kinda crass
Ladies love me sending pic's
Where they're scantilly clad
Send some back
Then invite them to come crash at my pad
They're like
Oh my G, OMG, that'd be so rad
We make the beast with two backs
Until we both get whiplash
Get with the program
Strip to the slow jam
Slip on a Trojan
Kissin' the toes and
Move to the knees
Go back, repeat
The job ain't done
'Til you ruin the sheets
My name is MC
And your name is a creep
Because you creep into my bed
About every week
Tractor beam on my bed
Got you actin' le freak
Tractor beam on my bed
Got you actin' le freak
I should be flirtin' with virgins
Instead of jerkin' my gerkin
I should be working the circuit
Assertive for certain
With little aversion
They all open they curtains
Mini me starts emergin
To be rid of his burden
Did I fail to mention
All the ladies say word
Got a panty collection
Like a Japanese perv
They're prepared to purr
And to serve up they curves
I skip the main course
I prefer the whore derves
I like thongs, like grannies
Like any old panties
Hanging on the lampshades
As I tap on her back space
I like bows, like lace
Like suckin' her face
I like fuckin' her waist
I make a bucket of paste
When her eyes roll back
It means her memory's erase
Slow-mo, tip-toe
My ass out of her place
I quickly run to the clinic
A q-tip in my diddick
I wait two very long weeks
To know if these nuts need a medic
So c'mon
Get with the program
Strip to the slow jam
Slip on a Trojan
Kissin' the toes and
Move to the knees
Go back, repeat
The job ain't done
'Til you ruin the sheets
My name is MC
And your name is a creep
Because you creep into my bed
About every week
Tractor beam on my bed
Got you actin' le freak
Tractor beam on my bed
Got you actin' le freak
My name is MC
I'm like no other
A short sized, high pitched
White skinned brother
And when I say white
Yo, I don't mean pink
'Cause my skin's about as white
As white out ink
When I step into the sun
I burst into flames
Like the Human Torch
But with no lives to save
Said, I don't go to clubs
And I don't go to raves
And I don't go to pubs
And I don't go to parades
So, where do I go
You might call it a hooch parlor
If you don't know the password
Don't bother
It's where all the ladies
Leave their lipstick
On my collar
But I tell them to be gone
'Cause all they want
Is my dollar
Mahler use to write symphonies
Name is MC and I claim to be
Star material like astrology
Punk rock, hip, and R&B;
Watch me blend it up like a daquiri
It's why all the honey's be mackin' me
Waitin' in the alley, sneak attackin' me
Tearin off my clothes, ass smackin' me
Back when we didn't have a record deal
(Still don't)
Still managed to make the ladies squeal
Word up, and you know
Name is MC, shout it back to me
On the count of three
One, two, three, MC
Name is MC
Drivin' 'round in my Civic
I see ya girls walkin' by, lookin' fly
Soft to the touch like a porcupin
Blow my mind
Name's MC, me multiplied
Don't call home
'Cause I'm out tonight
Taste real good like a pumpkin pie
I only smoke pipe
When there's skunk inside
Can it be
Her fingers slippin' down my Levi jeans
I be so happy now, without a doubt
Like I just smoked an ounce
Fucked and bounced
What the fuck you be talkin' 'bout
MC backwards be cotton mouth
Not on the mic
I'm kickin' your ass at balderash
Ya can't stop me
Name is MC, shout it back to me
On the count of three
One, two, three, MC
Name is MC
Come from a place
Called Libertyville
In the place to be
With a little Bo Peep eatin' edamame
I'm eatin' Chick Filet
Get up on the mic
And stay for days
Drunk off that citron lemonade
And a little bit of tanqueray
But I'm okay, eyes wide
Stir fried, like Vietnamese
Adam and Eve
Do as we please
With nothing but a bucket
Of ice up my sleeve
Ask Mr. T and the fuckin' A-Team
A beam in your face
MC Chris in the place
With a mouth full of toothpaste
Library book paste the due date
So many ho's
I get the group rate
this one goes out to all the cuties in the quad, walking kitty corner with the itty bitty bod, telescopin out the window, waxin wise, while you walk, i stalk the fox box to the party on lock, security check soon my id's inspected, in the elevator waiting to get wrecked, open the door then get floored by the heat, you get passed a jay while they play paul's boutique, get a plastic cup and ice unless you like it neat, all the girl's stand up, all the guys take seats, smoke fills the air, you fill in denise, on your major, on your minor, on the middle east for sheeza, high plains drifter this sorority sister, let the belt loop lead you to the liquor elixirs, smellin better than i bubble gum scratch and sniff sticker, we lick, shoot suck, then duck out even quicker. a mad dash to my crib, 'cause my roomie is a geek, he's playing galaxies, makin friends on dantooine, so, i'm climbing up a tree, beers clinging to my teeth, miss the window ledge, hit the hedge, land upon my keys. (chrous) i am a dorm rat, that is the fact, jack, lookin at incense, playin with warm wax, hittin on the honeys at the vending machine, one hitters, tray dinners, all you need's an id. plaid pajama bottoms or plaid pleated skirts, everything you girl's wear makes me stare at the dirt, if i had balls i'd flirt with y'all in study hall, do the geek talk till your eyes roll back into your skull, but i'm a freek, spelled f-r double three k, when you're walking my way with my pockets i play, i can't say what's yer name, care to chat for a bit, it's me brian, that guy, from that class, russian lit? care to sit, have a chip, care for some fun dip, doystoyefsky doesn't impress me, what do you think of that shit? but i don't i just twitch and i itch in my pants, play my gameboy advance until she's finally walked past. a mad dash to my crib where i get on my blog, in search of spock dot com check it out if you want, that's the steam blowin scene where i reign supreme, webster's my friendster, i run the message board for ween, it's a mental mall for teens, it's a paradise on earth, but in a way it's like a curse, faster than a google search, i just sit here and drink beer while my roommate flirts at some party, with some hottie who's all into fred durst, it makes my heart burst, and yet i do nothing, just get on the web and start bitchin and frontin, a dot com curmudgeon, who's love life is sufferin, it's the rope or the oven, or the hope i find love in the end. (chorus) i am lab rat that is a sad fact, shining my test tubes, crying in restrooms, dorm life blows if you've got no place to go, i'll call my mother everyday, i say i wanna go home.
Yo what's up, this is MC, uhhh im chillin at the track tryin to make some money call me back 213862620, you wanna get the hit?, gimmie a hit, bizza.
you have one new message
hey chris, its john bayie uhh, did you try and call me? casue i've been in the hospitol, in traction, they told me i fractured my liver? which i didnt even know you could do, anyway i still wanna do stuff on your record, uhh while i was on percodan i thought of a word that rhymes with engine so call me and i'll tell ya what it is, so yeah call me on my cell i'll uhh talk to ya later call me uhh bye.
Your rapper- he's whack dude, does he even try?
Can he do what mine did? Think you should say buh bye.
Get up on the mic like a five on a fifty.
Quickly avoid the hickeys of the bucktoothed bitties.
Fake Timberlake just to be by Britney.
Smoke that pipe with Witney, shoot that blow with Iggy.
L.I.B, N.Y.C and all places in between,
you could call me a mint 'cause I make the green.
I make the scene, I make believe that you all was naked,
so I wouldn't have to fake it. Just copy and paste it,
like Adobe Photoshop, Red Foreman in Robocop.
I get up on the mic and you know I won't fuckin stop.
It's like the props of Carrot Top, or yellow stains in my socks.
You acting like you hip? Your all hepped up on hopps.
So, just do the body rock, cause the beat just be so bumpin'.
Let's get our groove on before our carriage is a pumpkin,
before they outlaw fuckin', not bad for a drunken munchkin.
My name is MC Chris welcome to my lyric luncheon.
word up, word up, word up, word up, and you know.
[chrous]
Name's MC, my band's the Lee Majors.
Put us on the bill, and boy ya hit paydirt.
When I'm on the mike, girlies wanna flizzirt,
but I tell' em chill like a DQ Blizzard.
Help me like a DQ Blizzard, D-DQ Blizzard.
Help me like a DQ Blizzard, D-DQ Blizzard.
Like corn beef and cabbage, half fred savage.
The better than average rapper with the, "have to have it," habit.
Their apperants on my carrot like they was Jessica Rabbit,
like fake wood paneling on the side of stationwagons.
Fraggle Rock on the box, Fruit Loops on my chin,
wonderin' if I'm ever really gonna fit in,
or be a son of a bitch with a gut and some tits,
or a roaming casanova with my dick in a clit.
I'll be back in a bit, I gotta floss my johnson,
make that cream for the state Wisconsin.
You say all of my shit is complete nonsense,
fuck my cd and the shitty ass contents.
Bullshit, my shit's the bomb.
Siamese twins want menage a trois.
Robot bitches want their backs massaged.
They may not be real but them tits is large.
(damn) word up, word up, word up, word up, and you know.
chorus
Your rapper- he's whack dude, does he even try?
Cruisin' Mos Espa
In my Delorean
War's over
I'm a peacetime mandalorian
My story has stumped
Star Wars historians
Deep in debate,
Buffet plate at Bennigan's
Rhyme renegade
Sure to penetrate
First and second offense
I won't hesitate
Got a job to do
And Darth's the guy that delegates
Got something against Skywalker
Someone he really hates
I don't give a fuck
I'm after Solo
For all I care
He could be hidin' at Yoda's dojo
Gotta make the money
Credit's no good
When the jawas run the shop
In your neighborhood
Think you can cook
I got a grappling hook
Let's make this quick
'Cause I'm really booked
I'm a devious degenerate
Defender of the devil
Shut down all the trash compactors
On the detention level
chorus
My backpack's got jets
Well I'm Boba the Fett
Well I bounty hunt for Jabba Hutt
To finance my 'Vette
wicky wicky woo
Well I chill in deep space
A mask is over my face
Well I deliver the prize
But I still narrow my eyes
'Cause my time
I don't like to waste.
Get down
I'm a question
Wrapped inside an enigma
Get inside the slave one
Find your homing signal
From Endor to Hoth
Ripley to Spock
I'll find what you want
But there's gonna be a cost
See, my name is Boba Fett
I know my shit is tight
Start not actin'right
You're frozen in carbonite
Got telescopic sight
Flame throwers on my wrist
You still don't get the gist
Spiked boots are made to kick
Targets are made to hit
You think I give a shit
Yo mama is a bitch
I see you in the Sarlaac Pit
You just flipped my switch
Integrity been dissed
You scratchin' on my itch
You know I shoot to get
Got bambinas at cantinas
Waitin' to lick my lusty lips
So I'll let you get back inside
Your little space ship
Give you a head start
'Cause I'm the sportin' kind
Consider the starting line
The sneaky smile I hide inside
Hope you have hyper drive (drive)
pray to stay alive ('live)
Don't try to slip me a five
'Cause I never take a bribe
To the beat of a different drummer
Bad ass bounty hunter
Let no man put asunder
Or else they be put under
As in six feet
Got an imperial fleet
Backin' me up, gonna blow up
Any attempt to defeat
They gotta death star
Got four payments on my car
Hand it over to hammer head
At Mos Eisley bar
He used to carjack
Now he's a barback
Just goes to show how you can
Get back on the right track
As for me that's not an option
Can't say that with more clarity
Me going legit would be like
Jar Jar on speech therapy
Chorus
My backpack's got jets
Well I'm Boba the Fett
Well I bounty hunt for Jabba Hutt
To finance my 'Vette
wicky wicky woo
Well I chill in deep space
A mask is over my face
Well I deliver the prize
But I still narrow my eyes
'Cause my time
I don't like to waste.
Get down
Slice you open like a Taun Taun
Faster than the Autobahn
Or a motorbike in Tron
Do the deed and then I'm gone
Jaba has a hissyfit
Contact Calrissian
Over a colt, the plan unfolds
No politic is legit
Back in the day
When I was a slave
Living life in the fast lane
Like in a pod race
My mean streak tweaked
I became a basket case
So this space ace
Split that place, poste haste
Took up a noble cause
Called the Clone Wars
'Cause life's not all about
Girls and cars
Getting fucked up
In fucked up bars
See, I'm not a retard
Or gay like de Barge
I'm large and in charge
With a face so scarred
A cold black heart
That's been torn apart
The Sith wish that they
Had a dick so hard
'Cause it's long long ago
In a pussy far far
Call me master, 'cause I'm faster
Than Pryor on fire
I no longer have to hot wire
I'm a hunter for hire
With no plans to retire
And all the sucka MCs
Can call me sir
Chorus
My backpack's got jets! (jets jets jets)
Well I'm Boba the Fett! (the Fett the Fett)
Well I bounty hunt for Jabba Hutt, (Jabba Hutt Jabba Hutt Jabba Hutt)
MC: I wanna talk about math, math. I love math. Gettin' my books for school.
Bully: Wait a minute? Math? MATH?! Hey, what the fuck are you doing over there you geek?
MC: Oh, don't hit me.
Bully: Ju-just jabbering about math? What is this, math books? There they go.
MC: O-oh! You knocked the books out of my hands. I gotta pick them up now. I gotta- you- I-I gotta get to class.
Bully: Hey, you like math do ya?
MC: Yeah, I like math.
Bully: I got a practical math application for ya. Your a- face plus my fist plus, a- something I'm gonna shove up your asshole divided by pie- the co-efficient
MC: Ah! AH! Oh, ah you're hurting me! Oh, this is so painful!
Bully: SHUT UP! If you think this is painful? Meet me in the boys bathroom at two o'clock, and then, I'll show you painful. I'll show you painful you fuckin' kid.
I met you on friendster, your name was all weird, I feared the worst but the more I learned it all became clear, you were a female peer, just a few years younger than I, and you wrote the longest letters, the very best size.
You live in London, used slang like prat, you were dating the gym when it came to tight abs, I'd spend the days half, trying to make you laugh, you would and write back give me some more of that, well after one week, I knew I was hooked, you'd blush at each key stroke of X O, without getting one look at the other side guy his pics might be fake, this type of shit happens every day.
I'm no rock star, a clock watching drone, who's breath stinks of liquor, all stoned like lawn gnomes. No girlfriend, no hook ups, just lovelorn and fucked up, no friend to just vent on, one who'll, say all bets off. concert was cancelled, you answered my email. Turns out you're bummed out didn't want to give details. A mate had od'd, I could feel your heart beat. I miss you never met you, X O M C.
Boys don't cry, they prefer ballin' and shot callin. Teardrops fallin', I'm jonesin' harder than gollum, please god say that's London callin.
why ya gotta be so far away, why do plane tickets gotta cost an arm and a leg, maybe i should save a couple dollars a day, so without delay, i can look at your face, smell your hair, rest my hand on your neck, never mind neckin, you know that comes next I'll buy you a dress at that place owned by dodi fayed. give ya head every night before bed.
but you might not D I G M C, might think me too brash or condescending, a sad finish without taking a first step, can't avoid saying something that I will regret but I bet that we would hit off great I could come to you, or you could come to the states, get you a job at mtv, whatever you need, I'm a slave 4 u like Britney was for jt. romance is a cruel trick. playin me like school kids, don't know if I should do this, if i'm stupid or just foolish, can't help but (pursue) this, despite you being half a world from me, what I wouldn't give to sit and sip a cup of tea, while you nibbled on a crumpet, I'd love it indeed, sincerely yours, X O M C.
MC Chris (answering machine recording): Yo, wassup, this is MC, uh, I'm chillin' at the track, tryin' to make some money- call me back, 2136-4640. Wanna gimme a hit- gimme a hit. Kizzat.
Answering machine: You have one new message.
John Bowie: Hey Chris, it's Bowie, uh, I'm at the Pathstation... I was wondering if I could crash on your couch, would that be cool? They locked me out of my apartment. Um... so call me back, man, there's a payphone here, some kid stole my cellphone, but the joke's on him cause Sprint shut it off... uh... just come by the station, alright? I'm gonna be sleeping on one of the benches.
I never carry a gun
I just carry my tongue
When it's not knee deep in pork
It's acidic and forked
I'd mission abort
Don't need no permission to start
Rip apart every synapse and spark
'Til you're clutchin' your heart
Playin' Mario Kart
With Wesley Clark
Make like Corey Heart
And wear my shades when it's dark
Don't retort or remark
You'll get Dizzy G Cheeks
With a mouth full of fart
*fart noise*
I'm Slaughter comma Sarge
AKA Commissar
Ballin' like stalin' from USSR
Shit's so fluid so far
Thanks to Matt on guitar
Yo DJ, take 'em to the part
Where I turn rap into art
Yeah, motherfucker
Check this shit out
I'm a bad ass
I ain't gonna fuckin' spell it
I get up on the mic
And then I fuckin' yell it
No need to embellish
I'm selfishly hellish
Equatorial insect repellent
The like's of which you never delt with
Well my name is mc and I'm here to say
I rock the mic with asbestos all up in yer face
Old school like the one used by Ichabod crane
Watch me think up a phrase then put my spit on display
I aint even begun to begin
I get up on the microphone and make fun of yer friends
I'm like black thought 'cause I got your twenties and tens
like your bittie won't go down on me in the back of yer benz
snap off her bra while she kicks off her keds
put her butt on the bazooka tubes, and suck on her neck
and when I'm done yo yer momma is next,
stackin ho's like government checks
gotta go like I'm sever and ecks
Whack mc's like butterfly effect
Yo they came and they went all they money is spent like the rent
All my money's in the pockets of kids that's why I rockin this shit
Lickety split
I read variety
Your box office receipts
Are motherfuckin' weak
Ya got nothing to say
You shouldn't fuckin' speak
I read variety
Your box office receipts
Are motherfuckin' weak
Ya got nothing to say
You shouldn't fuckin' speak
I got my mind on my money and the rest in escro
Missles on my wrist like my name was Destro
I'm whiter than your ipod head phones
Name is mcchris so let's go
let's go
I got more rhymes than than old dirty got cradles
And I got more bitches than maddonas got dreidles
When it comes to kickin ass on cable I am more than able
But I kick it up a notch on kareoke turntables
Never mind the lyrics I know that you can hear it
Got the mononoke spirit when you quote it back so fearless
Fuckin shit will come near it: an mc/fan endearment
Save it like it's ferris in a trademark disappearance
You can't beat it like coat hangers once used by mommy dearest
But you run home and you blast it till you know yer hard of hearing
Wanna be in the know gotta crack the code
Ghetto blasted by bad kids across the globe 'cause I can flow
I got beats galore got rhymes for days
Got nothin' but a hundred hurricanes in my way
AKA people saying quiet down and behave
Fucking lame like the mother fucking trucker hat craze
I read variety
Your box office receipts
Are mother fucking weak
You got nothing to say
You shouldn't fuckin' speak
I read variety
Your box office receipts
Are mother fucking weak
You got nothing to say
Cincinnati punk sucks dick. Can I say that, can I say that? It's not aggressive, there's no energy in the fuckin music, they're a bunch of fuckin' chump rockers bitin' off the real deal, and everybody here can lick my fuckin filthy crab infested bag.
With my high tech specs I inspect a love less
Sittin' in a sun dress readin' Cosmo sex tests
Time for me to conquest I step to impress
It's the best of the rest she says her names Beth
Don't mean to be a pest but can I join (Yeeeees)
Says she needs a rest from her daily stress
That's when busty Beth break out the sticky sess
And yo we both connect like Ackbar and Jeff
I got the snack bar check quarters in my pockets
Sayin' word it's occurred if it's a curve then I'm a cock it
Say my name is mc I've been known to rock it
With nintendo, a dildo I'm on it like Bilbo the hobbit
The high totin' honky kicks it in Kentucky
Grade ten'll suck me, Grade twelve'll fuck me
And all the college co-eds consider themselves lucky
Like they was Lopez and my shit was Puffy
Now Beth the busty wants to get a slushie
Go back to her joint so we can gets lovey-dovey
I flip for that and freeze for the cab I do pay
But when I make the first move the ho say no way
You, you got what I need
But you say he's just a friend, oh you say he's just a friend (Oh baby you)
Oh you, you got what I need (got what I need)
But you say he's just a friend (he's just a friend)
But you say he's just a friend, (he's just a friend) word
Well this is a story about a girl named Corey
That liked to play Atari liked to read Archie
She's browsin' Beetle Baily and I be browsin' the body
That make a Maserati go potty
So I step to impress with the jeans so torn
I say my name is mc she say word is born
Never seen a girl like you in a comic book store
She buy for issues of Hulk I buy four issues of Thor
We walk out the door practically holdin' hands
I say you want a lift she say I got a man
Oh you do for real well then where he be
Obviously not in the vicinity
So listen to me cause my name is mc
When I get up on the mic I make the whole front row pee
My cars a Mitsubishi the cd the Bee Gees
The song "How Deep is Your Love" cause your so deep into me
Now how can it be me seen with a geek
That frequent the joint like a freak every week
I'm buyin' these books for my invalid brother
You wanna hook up motherfucker hook another
You, you got what I need
But you say he's just a friend oh you say he's just a friend (What the fuck)
Oh you, you got what I need (got what I need)
But you say he's just a friend well you say he's just a friend (word em up)
Oh you (you) you got what I need (got what I need) but you just say he's just a friend (he's just a friend)
Say he's just a friend (word up)
You (you) you got what I need (got what I need) but you say he's just a friend (he's just a friend)
Say he's just a friend (word up)
You (you) you got a friend
(I look at you, it seems like every where I go)
(The good times are bad cause I'll be on your side forever more, That's what friends are for)
(I don't wanna be your stinkin' friend, I wanna get it on, this blows)
MC's be bitin' off his style like 24/7 right.
You know what I'm sayin' dig yo dig.
It's time to get up off his nuts yo time to get up off his nuts cause you on his shit.
I'm down word up word up word up word up.
Weed is by my side, it's always been there.
Always been there, always been there.
Weed is by my side, it's always been there.
Always been there, always been there.
Weed is by my side, it's always been there.
Always been there, always been there.
Weed is by my side, it's always been there.
Always been there, always been there.
We're smokin' that Danger Girl.
We're smokin' that Gen 13.
Bong's called Yoda, man,
and Yoda can't STAND a bag filled with stems and seeds.
Yo, I can't stand no ecstacy.
Cocaine made a mess of me.
Beer and booze are now things that I use to do.
Don't misconstrue, I'm still abusin' weed.
Some kids like to get fucked up,
actin' black by rollin' them blunts.
I got a one hitter called Margot Kidder
and I only need to hit that shit once
'cause I ain't made of nickels and dimes.
Fat kind make me tickled inside.
Say no to cuttin' up lines,
that's one-point-twenty-one jiggawatt jive.
And I ain't no Nancy Reagan,
just sayin' kinda take it slow.
Say yeah to the jazz cigarette,
say nil to the thrills of pills and blow.
Teen years about gettin' beat down,
and your twenties 'bout smokin' them pounds.
Stick around for the sticky amounts,
flick a Bic 'til your stuck to the couch.
I'm the sativa cyborg,
I smell that shit like a wine cork.
I hope they never legalize,
then High Times won't have anything to fight for.
I used to smoke with kids at shows,
but I stopped 'cause they all had colds,
but I got Emergen-C and a bag of Coldeeze
and mad trees so let's all get stoned!
Weed is by my side, it's always been there.
Always been there, always been there.
Weed is by my side, it's always been there.
Always been there, always been there.
Weed is by my side, it's always been there.
Always been there, always been there.
Weed is by my side, it's always been there.
Always been there, always been there.
After a show, you're a friend of mind,
handshake with a prize inside.
These are Batman Begins hallucinagens.
These whammies are weaponized.
LSD and shrooms, I tried them,
was a time when I wouldn't deny them.
All you need is one trip where you lose your shit,
kiss goodbye to the sky with diamonds;
but I keep coming back like it's Atkins fat
'cause the weed's like crack cocaine,
but the risk you take is just getting baked,
you're surely gonna see the next day.
They say we fund Al Qaeda.
Sounds like the government's jealous.
Let's get the enemy stoned,
bring our ninjas home - to hell with Christian zealots,
'cause all we need is some weed and a laid back beat,
black lights if you stereotype,
couple bean bag chairs and a lack of airs,
a marathon of price is right.
What's the 4-1-1 for realzies?
I freeze my Reese's Pieces.
It's like everytime I pack a pipe,
my appetite suddenly increases.
You know what a cracka mean,
green leaves my cractorbeam,
addicted like it's gasoline, just pass the trees
while I live that cracker dream,
but I might have to cease my deeds.
I might have to take control
'cause I ain't down with little mc
growin' up in a cloud of my second-hand smoke.
Weed is by my side, it's always been there.
Always been there, always been there.
Weed is by my side, it's always been there.
Always been there, always been there.
Weed is by my side, it's always been there.
Always been there, always been there.
Weed is by my side, it's always been there.
"Where are we?"
"I'm thirsty."
"There's a church up ahead, maybe there's something in here..."
[Door open]
"These don't look like Presbyterians!"
"They look like... puppets."
"I THOUGHT WE SOUNDED REALLY GOOD, MAN, I THOUGHT WE SOUNDED PRETTY GOOD!"
"OHHHHHH, YEEEEEAAAH!"
All these rappers are so serious, it's crackin' me up.
Kid consumers tired of posers so he's backin' me up.
Jump in the back of the truck, or the front of my bike.
mc chris is comin' to your town. ("Aiight.")
I'm the Dungeon Master master of the ceremony,
comin' to your territory, cheese it up like macaroni.
We'll get seven kinds of stoney in the parking lot proper;
want me to hit your jurisdiction, just submit Chris an offer.
Girls be neckin' on my wood in your neck of the woods.
Groupie girlies give it up because pup got the goods.
You think that they'd be less devout over somethin' so stout,
but I guess they're all about Guiness 'cause they're turnin' me out.
This is for the anthem kids 'cause they know who Ansem is,
I'm not a corporate clown so it's not like they could cancel Chris.
I'm just an activist, my fans are cyber savages,
I may seem kinda lame but I got more game then babbages.
mc chris is comin' to your town tonight.
mc chris is down to bring the sound to life.
On the pressure point precise like a kid on Fisher Price,
watch him kick it wicked nice on the microphone device.
mc chris is comin' to your town tonight.
mc chris is down to bring the sound to life.
On the pressure point precise like a kid on Fisher Price,
watch him kick it wicked nice on the microphone device.
mc's going platinum, the Cubs won the pennant race,
ice comin' out my ass like my name was Bobby Drake,
a hundred hoes with no clothes comin' out my birthday cake;
did I fail to mention everything I say is kinda fake?
It's how Mister Ward escapes when the people player hate,
when I'm feelin' kinda down, overlooked and overweight.
I roll back my eyes, clear my mind and proceed,
paint a picture-perfect world called the house of mc.
You don't have to visit, you can always not listen,
even though a world without my music's kinda cataclysmic.
I used to rip tickets. Karate kick districts;
kinda like Kismet, like when Leia met Wickett. ("Jub jub.")
Decadent downloads put a dump in your rump.
That's right, I'm shittin' your pants, punchin' chumps in the junk.
I'm surveyin' your surroundings and I'm samplin' your skunk.
mc chris is comin' 'round, now's when you throw your hands up!
mc chris is comin' to your town tonight.
mc chris is down to bring the sound to life.
On the pressure point precise like a kid on Fisher Price,
watch him kick it wicked nice on the microphone device.
mc chris is comin' to your town tonight.
mc chris is down to bring the sound to life.
On the pressure point precise like a kid on Fisher Price,
watch him kick it wicked nice on the microphone device.
We delivered in the Dirty, impressed the Southwest,
navigated North to ingest the best sess',
met a couple honeys and had real live sex;
okay, we just made out 'cause someone shouted, "MIC CHECK!"
We been bouncin' in the mountains, we been paid in the glades,
we deliver solid products for affordable rates,
roam the range, makin' change, puttin' food on our plates,
got a BJ while the DJ played Duel of the Fates.
Life rules and it's great, they say I'm livin' a dream,
now and then it's like a nightmare though, you wouldn't believe.
For the most part it's like go carts doing turns at high speed,
life's a sweet summer vacation if your name is mc.
People, I'm a pimp, life's a bitch, fuck what ya heard.
Name a faster nerd when it comes to blastin' words.
Pixels in my pocket like my name was John Lasseter.
A bible camp van, it's a fifteen passenger!
mc chris is comin' to your town tonight.
mc chris is down to bring the sound to life.
On the pressure point precise like a kid on Fisher Price,
watch him kick it wicked nice on the microphone device.
mc chris is comin' to your town tonight.
mc chris is down to bring the sound to life.
On the pressure point precise like a kid on Fisher Price,
watch him kick it wicked nice on the microphone device.
"Everybody get in the bus! Get in the bus!"
"LET'S GO!"
Drivin', drivin', drivin', drivin'...
Drivin', drivin', drivin', drivin'...
Drivin', drivin', drivin', drivin'...
DRIVIN', DRIVIN', DRIVIN', DRIVIN'...
DRIVIN', DRIVIN', DRIVIN', DRIVIN'...
DRIVIN', DRIVIN', DRIVIN', DRIVIN'...
[harp music]
[Jesus:] Oh I love playing this harp it relaxes me.
[MC Chris:] Huh? I was never shot. I was never assassinated. I'm alive!
[Jesus:] No.
[MC Chris:] What.
[Jesus:] You were shot you're in Heaven.
[MC Chris:] No, no. you're Saint Peter aren't you?
[Jesus:] What? Saint Peter! I'm Jesus!
[MC Chris:] Oh.
[Jesus:] Goddamn you, Saint Peter's a big, fat shit, with a hydrocephalic head.
[MC Chris:] I'm sorry.
[Jesus:] It's disgusting looking!
[MC Chris:] I'm sorry.
[Jesus:] How could you confuse?... man look I got the classic beard and the robe.
[MC Chris:] You're clearly Jesus.
[Jesus:] And the sandal feet.
[MC Chris:] You're clearly Jesus I'm sorry I'm sorry.
[Jesus:] Take a look down there at the bottom of the robe.
[MC Chris:] Yeah what at your sandals?
[Jesus:] What do you see? No between the feet.
[MC Chris:] Is... is that the tip of your?
[Jesus:] It's the Tip of my dick.
[MC Chris:] No way!
[Jesus:] [laughs] Jesus has a Four foot dick.
[MC Chris:] That's incredible how'd you... well you're Jesus.
[Jesus:] Of course.
[MC Chris:] Yeah.
[MC Chris:] What do your balls look like?
[Jesus:] Let me... let me tell you I thought to myself Jesus you're Jesus what could you give yourself that nobody else in the universe would have? allow me to hike up my robe here. Clear balls with goldfish swimming around in them
[MC Chris:] That's inc... Look how cute they are there's like a little castle in there.
[Jesus:] Castle treasure chest skeleton.
[MC Chris:] Little diving man it's so cute.
[MC Chris:] I could spend the whole day there.
[Jesus:] I'm sayin'.
[MC Chris:] When you're having sex with a women doesn't that... isn't that painful I mean it's gotta be?
[Jesus:] Well let me tell you what I'd do I would magically just extend their cervix.
[MC Chris:] Oh.
[Jesus:] Till up to about their sternum.
[MC Chris:] Oh ok I see.
[Jesus:] Or throat area and that generally makes it fine.
[Jesus:] But to tell you the truth I'm not really having sex with women too much these days.
[MC Chris:] Really?
[Jesus:] To tell you the truth I'm actually having sex with um it's a creature of my own uh imagining if you will.
[MC Chris:] Oh.
[Jesus:] I searched my imagination and thought what... what... what's the creature that I Jesus find most attractive.
[MC Chris:] Huh.
[Jesus:] it turns out it's kind of a... a dinosaur dragon bird type creature it looks actually like you know when discovery channel was doing that thing on like you know what if raptors had feathers.
[MC Chris:] Oh yeah, yeah yeah yeah I saw that. I saw that yeah.
[Jesus:] It looks a lot like that.
[MC Chris:] But if you're Jesus you don't... you don't really need discovery channel I mean you've seen the dinosaurs already.
[Jesus:] No, no that was uh before I was born actually.
[MC Chris:] Oh yeah.
[Jesus:] Yeah.
[MC Chris:] Yeah.
[Jesus:] Alright here let's get down to business I've got the list of things you did in your life here.
[MC Chris:] Oh.
[Jesus:] Let's see you were a pretty bad drunk.
[MC Chris:] Yeah.
[Jesus:] You made a lot of stupid skits on your records.
[MC Chris:] Yeah.
[Jesus:] You did have 30, 000 my space friends.
[MC Chris:] Yeah, yeah I did that's... that's true!
[Jesus:] That means something up here.
[MC Chris:] Really?
[Jesus:] Yeah, you know who'd be interested to hear that? My buddy Lincoln. Hey Lincoln you know this guy's got 30, 000 myspace friends.
[Lincoln:] 30, 000 myspace friends is he using bots?
[Jesus:] I don't know I'll ask him are you using bots.
[MC Chris:] No it's just fan base.
[Jesus:] No he's not using bots it's just fan base.
[Lincoln:] Is he a porn star?
[Jesus:] No it's not a porn star it's MC Chris.
[Jesus:] It's great I've got you know everybody from "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure's" up here
([Lincoln:] Huh, hey Beethoven this guy's got 30000 myspace friends)
[MC Chris:] Oh that's cool, that's cool.
[Jesus:] It's pretty... it's pretty cool.
([Beethoven:] 30000 myspace friends is he using bots?)
[Jesus:] Except uh Keanu.
([Lincoln:] Huh that's what I asked nope no bots.)
[Jesus:] and uh Alex Winter.
([Beethoven:] Is he a porn star?)
[Jesus:] What are you deaf or is that is that you or Mozart I can never remember.
[beep]
[Secretary:] That Dragon bird lady is on line two again.
[Jesus:] Ohhh this dragon bird won't leave me alone.
[MC Chris:] Oh shit Jesus what'll we do!?
[Jesus:] I try to be honest I try to say dragon bird it's just a sex thing I don't want a relationship.
[MC Chris:] Right, right, right.
[Jesus:] This dragon bird is super into me you got to help me. You got to help me out here.
[MC Chris:] Well uh Jesus use your powers!
[Jesus:] Hmm yes how about this we switch places. You become Jesus and I'll become you and I'll go down to earth and enjoy some moderate success as a nerd rapper.
[MC Chris:] Well, I'm not just a nerd rapper, I rap about all kinds of stuff. My music kind of transcends boundaries.
[Jesus:] uh Suuuure it does alright let's do this thing.
[finger snap] [beeeeep boooop]
[MC Chris:] Oh wow a real beard a full beard!
[Jesus:] Oh wow a big fat baby face.
[MC Chris:] A robe a cool robe and some badass desert sandals!
[Jesus:] Oh look disgusting hobbit feet great.
[MC Chris:] Well what'll we do now Jesus?
[Jesus:] Now I'm going to open this trap door down here *door opens* and climb down this ladder down to earth here I go... Oh ok over there are towels.
[MC Chris:] Right.
[Jesus:] And the menus are in the drawer.
[MC Chris:] OK.
[Jesus:] If you want to order out ok. Emergency numbers on the phone.
[MC Chris:] Right.
[Jesus:] And just have fun remember to have fun.
[MC Chris:] I will Jesus you have fun too.
[Jesus:] Alright bye
[MC Chris:] Alright later Jesus good luck.
[Jesus:] Climbing down the ladder Climbing down to earth Climbing down and I'm climbing down the ladder and Oh my god! The ladder ended too soon!
[MC Chris:] Jesus!
[Jesus:] Why didn't they finish building this ladder?
[MC Chris:] What are you doing? !
[Jesus:] Oh my god I'm falling!
[MC Chris:] Jesus don't fall!
[Jesus:] Help me!
[MC Chris:] Oh no!
[Jesus:] Use your new Jesus powers to help me!
[MC Chris:] My new Jesus... What'll I do!?
[Jesus:] Help me I'm falling!
[MC Chris:] Uh parachute!
[Jesus:] Come on!
[MC Chris:] Para... I just conjured up a parachute Jesus I'm throwing it down to you.
[Jesus:] Parachute that's the worst idea don't you know that the laws of physics dictate that two objects at different masses fall at the same speed! That parachute...
[MC Chris:] Catch the parachute!
[Jesus:] No it'll never reach me you idiot Oh I'm falling!
[MC Chris:] Catch it Look for the parachute!
[Jesus:] Oh my god I'm hitting the earths atmosphere at tremendous speed!
[MC Chris:] Look for the parachute Jesus!
[Jesus:] Oh the friction is causing me to burn up in the atmosphere!
[MC Chris:] Do you see a parachute!?
[Jesus:] Oh my god I don't see a parachute my eyeballs are burning out!
[MC Chris:] Jesus, Jesus no!
[Jesus:] Oh my god I'm burning it hurts so bad!
[MC Chris:] Oh no Jesus!
[Jesus:] Oh my god I'm ash I'm pure ash and I'm falling to earth!
[MC Chris:] Oh Jesus!
[Jesus:] Oh I'm falling and I'm lining on the mountain tops. Oh the cool mountain tops.
[MC Chris:] So peaceful.
[Jesus:] Oh the snow is cooling my charred ash.
[MC Chris:] Jesus is ok.
[Jesus:] Oh god.
[Jesus:] Oh skiers are skiing on me!
[MC Chris:] Ahh Jesus you're being skied on!
[Jesus:] Skiers are skiing all over me!
[MC Chris:] oh Jesus!
[Jesus:] I don't wanna die here!
[MC Chris:] Oh Jesus you poor soul!
[Jesus:] And I'm dead!
[MC Chris:] You died twice!
[Jesus:] I'm dead.
[MC Chris:] You're dead twice.
[Jesus:] I'm dead.
[harp music]
[Jesus:] Well that didn't work.
[MC Chris:] Sorry dude.
[Jesus:] Obviously I died and my soul came back to heaven.
[Jesus:] Hey, are you saint peter?
[MC Chris:] What? No dude.
[Jesus:] *slap* I'm just fucking with you. [laughs]
[MC Chris:] You're always fucking with me Jesus you son of a...
[Jesus:] oh man I got you.
[MC Chris:] You got me.
[Jesus:] Hey kid.
[MC Chris:] Yeah?
I'm like Kenny Rogers in Six Pack
Girls won't give my dick back
All this sex affects my syntax
The pistol I pack's impact
Make's you gasp infact
So sit back, relax
While I grind this axe
On your Brazillian wax
Without finishing fast
I bask in the slash
Underneath your cinnamon ass
About ten minutes it lasts
I pull it out and pass gas
My name is MC Chris
Kinda cute
Kinda crass
Ladies love me sending pic's
Where they're scantilly clad
Send some back
Then invite them to come crash at my pad
They're like
O M G, Oh whut up, that'd be so rad
We make the beast with two backs
Until we both get whiplash
Get with the program
Strip to the slow jam
Slip on a Trojan
Kissin' the toes and
Move to the knees
Go back, repeat
The job ain't done
'Til you ruin the sheets
My name is MC
And your name is a creep
Because you creep into my bed
About every week
Tractor beam on my bed
Got you actin' le freak
Tractor beam on my bed
Got you actin' le freak
I should be flirtin' with virgins
Instead of jerkin' my gerkin
I should be working the circuit
Assertive for certain
With little aversion
They all open they curtains
Mini me starts emergin
To be rid of his burden
Did I fail to mention
All the ladies say word
Got a panty collection
Like a Japanese perv
They're prepared to purr
And to serve up they curves
I skip the main course
I prefer the hors d'overs
I like thongs, like grannies
Like any old panties
Hanging on the lampshades
As I tap on her back space
I like bows, like lace
Like suckin' her face
I like fuckin' her waist
I make a bucket of paste
When her eyes roll back
It means her memory's erase
Slow-mo, tip-toe
My ass out of her place
I quickly run to the clinic
A q-tip in my dick
I wait two very long weeks
To know if these nuts need a medic
So c'mon
Get with the program
Strip to the slow jam
Slip on a Trojan
Kissin' the toes and
Move to the knees
Go back, repeat
The job ain't done
'Til you ruin the sheets
My name is MC
And your name is a creep
Because you creep into my bed
About every week
Tractor beam on my bed
Got you actin' le freak
Tractor beam on my bed
... Those guys. You're a Wanderer.
Now I'm a wanderer Joey. You can't be a Wanderer after graduation. I'm thinking about the future, Joey!
I'll be a Fordham Baldie. Wait and see the Baldies got it made.
(Heeeeeeeey oh, heeeeeeeey oh)
One two kick it maestro
Name is mc chris and yo I must confess
If you find me at the beach yo man I'm always finely dressed
Got my low ride Chucks holy possibly arrestin
If you get me on the dance floor then you'll be impressed
Cause I am the one you like and I got the flavor that flows
If you kick it in the front mc'll kick it in the back
And I'll even help you pick your nose God-damn
So if your ass get interested and you'd like to take a peek
Just check me out like a book-it book
Mine is the shit that reeks
That is a fools mind
Mine is the shit that reeks
Cause a weak mind
Mine is the shit that reeks
Mine is the shit that reeks
(Heeeeeeeey oh, heeeeeeeey oh)
That's right everybody mc chris is going chillin' out in Manhattan
He's kicking it live 24 hours a night and day
You come and check him out ladies...
[Man:] Ranch dressing. Thank you, thank you sir, you are... thank you... very kind.
[whistling]
[Man:] You are MC Chris.
MC Chris Uh no.
[Man:] I got all your cassette tapes.
[MC Chris:] I... I'm not mc chris he's dead.
[Man:] MC Chris I got all your cassette tapes.
[MC Chris:] I never put out cassette tapes and he's dead.
[Man:] I got here... I got... I got this song.
[MC Chris:] And uh I can't.
[Man:] I got this song idea for you
[MC Chris:] I'm in a hurry
[Man:] I got this song.
[MC Chris:] I gotta.
[Man:] It's about.
[MC Chris:] Uh I just gotta.
[Man:] It's about babys.
[MC Chris:] I'm act... I'm actually in a hurry.
[Man:] Called smackababy.
[MC Chris:] It's a very interesting title.
[Man:] hang on.
[MC Chris:] I'm in a hurry I just...
[Man:] Hang on hang on.
[MC Chris:] ok.
[Man:] Hold tight sir I need to get in tune.
[MC Chris:] Alright is this going to take a long...
[Man:] Close enough close enough.
[MC Chris:] Ok good alright.
[guitar begins playing]
Smack... smackababy, smackababy make me go crazy
Smackababy you cry and I die smackababy, smackababy
You cry... you cry and I you s... you, you look like...
You sound like a little cocker spaniel
Gon taste of my smack Daniel
Smackababy, smackababy...
[guitar still playing]
[MC Chris:] [interrupting] Is that it? Is that it? That was great.
[Man:] Thank you God bless you sir.
[MC Chris:] I love it that was amazing very impressed.
[Man:] God bless you.
[MC Chris:] Here's some change.
[Man:] God bless you MC Chris.
[MC Chris:] I'm not MC Chris he's dead
Mr. Chandler, MC Chris is here to see you.
Brrr, send him in!
Hey! Mr. Chandler, what's happening man?
Heeeey kid...
How you doing? I haven't seen you in like forever man.
Yeah yeah...
What's happening? What you call me here for man?
Come over here, take a pew, sit down, let's talk some business.
Shiiit man, and you look great! I haven't seen you in like forever man, you like lost weight.
Thanks.
You, did you get lasik surgery?
Lasik surgery? No! I got 20-20 vision. Are you drunk?
Yes, I am drunk. Aaaand I'm proud of it, there was a show last night and it was off the hizzle for bliggle. And we did some cocaine and some methamphetamines, by seven o'clock in the morning I was riding a whole team of horses on the ocean, the skin of the water man.
What? What's the matter with you?
What?
You spending money we don't have man! You gotta remember my fortune's tied to yours! My kids are eating out of dumpsters. Look at this! Look at this thin sliver of a desk I have. They repossessed 80% of my desk! And you know how much I like hotdogs! There's no room for hotdogs on my desk anymore! You see that? What's wrong with you? You gotta start making mooneeey!
I'm sorry! I'm trying the best I possibly can! I'm just one man! Have you heard the new songs man? You heard the skits?
Yeah, but the songs stinks! And the skits are costing too much cheddar maaan!
We, we need those skits they break up the monotony of the music and people come to exp...
I don't get the whole skit thing, frankly they're not funny. They're NOT funny.
It's funny aaaand people love 'em.
It's just references. Who's getting these references?
A lot of people are! Everybody gets when you hear something you've heard before that's comedyyyy!
No, that's not comedy. The songs you're writing now are garbage. Everybody hates them.
What are you talking about? They're hilarious!
You gotta get back to your roots. What was that song everybody liked?
Hijack?
Uhah! No! The song, that everybody liked. It was popular. People quoted it.
Tussin.
Tussin? ! No! What the hell is Tussin? It was the song about the guy from Star Wars in his car...
Fett's Vette, Fett's Vette.
No, it was the bounty hunter from Star Wars in his...
Yeah, it's Fett's Vette Mr. Chandler!
No, it was that guy, he was a bounty hunter, he was in Star Wars...
Mr. Chandler! It's Fett's Vette! Listen to me! Look at me! Look at me in the eye! It's Fett's Vette!
What was it?
Fett's Vette!
Yeah, Fett's Vette, that's it. You gotta write more songs like Fett's Vette. Come on, there were like twelve bounty hunters on that super star destroyer.
Ahhh! Come on Mr. Chandler it's played out! You can't ask me to do this!
It's not played out, what am I telling you here? You gotta write more songs about bounty hunters from Star Wars, in vehicles. Like. I can't believe I'm coming up with this for ya. Uh uh, Zuckuss' Prius or uuuhh, IG-88's '57 Chevy.
Awwhh Mr. Chandler!
Dengar's Dump Truck!
They are great ideas, listen. If you put Bossk on a Segway, you gonna sell records! Now let me cleverly use that to segue to my next point to you, which is that you gotta get out on the red carpet!
I get out on the red carpet all the time! Me... I ate my girls last night! Yum!
No! I'm not talking about giving cunnilingus while a woman is menstruating. I'm talking about getting out there, shaking people's hands. I'm talking about getting the name out there! Get into some car accidents with Lindsey Lohan!
I can't into a car accident they won't let me drive a car cause I have a pegleg.
Keep fighting me, see where it gets ya. Get out there! Get to the YouTube awards! Get to the internet Emmies!
They have those?
I don't know if they have those! Get on the internet, find out! And if they exist, go to them! You gotta get out and impress the flesh!
Mr Chandler, those two assassins you hired to kill MC Chris one the red carpet so as to cement his icon status and increase record sales are on line two.
Oooh... Busted... Uhhh... I gotta take this call.
Uuuh OK Mr. Chandler, I guess I'll just head on out!
Hey kid!
Yeah, Mr. Chandler?
Get the fuck out of my office!
Its 1986 I'm in the 1st grade,
I'm workin really hard to get Mario laid.
I got to save the princess so he could get the pussy,
believe me Mario will get that ass, so fuck Luigi.
Mario really wants to get her in bed,
so bad that he's bustin' up bricks with his head.
He just wants sex,so forget the wedding bells,
jumping on mushrooms,led,and turtle shells.
Droppin down green pipes and secret passageways,
Makin his move to the end,
where the final castle lays.
Eat a magic mushroom grow a little higher,
eat a white flower and spit balls of fire.
All these creatures that attack,won't cut mario some slack.
Oh shit hold on i'll be right back...
I'm gonna beat the game if it takes me all summer,
it's gotta be hard to get laid if your a plumber.
That's why I'm gonna work extra hard for my man,
and get him to the end so he can stop usin his hand.
Mario doesn't want to get hit, he'll shrink,
the princess won't fuck a little kid, I think.
So stay calm and attend to your own,
and evenually the princess will attend to your bone.
(Chorus)
Save the princess quick,
because she wants a dick,
and if you let her free,
you get the pussy.2x
Bowsers tryin to get head from the princess,
but if it was up to me that shit'll stop this instant.
cloud people throwin little spiked animals,
green plants with teeth and attack like cannibals.
i heard nobody yet run in the princess oven ,
and mario always says, virgins' i love 'em.
I hate the koopa troopas so im gonna run up,
and jump on teh back of their shells till i get 1 of UP.
Im gonna keep playin and im never gonna quit,
cuz some kid told me you could see the princess tits.
I wanna beat it before any of my frineds do,
so i could say i put pussy on mario's menu.
At the end of each level i jump and get the flag,
and say to myself another castle in the bag.
i hope bowsers ready cuz he's in for a ride,
and mario's serious when it comes to homicide.
The princess is a freak even though she has class,
Mario will take a plunger and put it in her ass.
i hate the cannons that shoot at you constantly,
and i hate the platfroms that fall out from below me.
Its all worth while,just to see mario smile
standing next to the princess buttnaked profile,
That's why its my crusade to get mario laid.
Super Mario Brother's best game ever made.
I'm deathly pale bad breath bad teeth
Hit the sand and the sun
Never see me at the beach
Always tip a guy (cheap)
Transfixed on death
That I wear black britches
I insist on nice breasts
I sleep in the grave
Lived through the black plague
See that's not my fault
But the boogy that caved
Bringing hair down till
Your booking farts and clown?
Must be stocking trades?
See me starting trends
Black or white striped too
Or a blood red test
Got jack on my hand
And japan is monster
Like a chin changing's greats in disguises
Birds says I'm the best in the crisis
Parents want me cleaning up like my brother
Bark you saying work while all others
Now I'm in the pin and my methods are vicious
Say my name 3 times if you wanna get connected
Beetlejuice, beetlejuice 1, 2, 3
I like a little name her name is lydia deetz
Turned to meaner as her parents as a pests that sweep
Don't try to deny for the ride to be
Beetlejuice, beetlejuice 1, 2, 3
I like a little name her name is lydia deetz
Turned to meaner as her parents as a pests that sweep
Don't try to deny for the ride to be
Hey k mart shoppers there's a sale on my services
I'm here to help there's no need for your nervices
I eat what you wanna eat swallow what you say
I'll relieve you of the living that are ruining your day
Have you read the handbook for the recently deceased?
If you pick up my dick when I take a little deep
It's the key to my relase from this model existance
Pop allowence confinded and I'm the one I'm presistant
Me and the dragster of doom we're the baddest to do
With the inferno room that the ladies can do
I work totally cool so I become a rageur
Get little lydia the lip syncing I do
I must move the maitlands out of my way
Give us up a lift put your plate on my face
Say hello to hammerhands say goodbye to geladen
After I fillet with my review do rave?
Triple face plant
We like the sex not 8 tracks
Clown face much like
The one you see in dark night
Being dead kinda sucks
The afterlifes no fun to us
I'm the name the people trust
The juice that comes from beetle guts
[Clip from movie]
Beetlejuice, beetlejuice 1, 2, 3
I like a little name her name is lydia deetz
Turned to meaner as her parents as a pests that sweep
Don't try to deny for the ride to be
Beetlejuice, beetlejuice 1, 2, 3
I like a little name her name is lydia deetz
Turned to meaner as her parents as a pests that sweep
Don't try to deny for the ride to be
Beetlejuice, beetlejuice
Bee-bee-beetlejuice, beetlejuice
Beetlejuice, beetlejuice
Blue jeans, check! Black-T, check!
Record my raps on a cassette tape deck.
Wearin' no sweats 'cause Nike owns Chucks.
Three rows of studs 'cause hoes wanna fuh-!
Axe to max on my nasty socks,
synchronize with a text but I guess I'm blocked.
I'd leave voicemail but it would just be mocked.
Wake up my mom, dad'd clean my clock!
"Hey, mom, it's me - no need for alarm.
Gonna be a party that's the straight-up bomb.
Here's your keys and your coat and Louis Vuitton."
She's like, "Uggghhh...," and you know that it's on!
She's gotta do some errands and a couple of chores,
drop the videos off, hit the grocery store.
"If your gonna be a bitch, trick, get on all fours!"
"If you don't watch that lip, it's goodbye to your porn!"
Word is born, say no worries and we're out in a hurry.
I beg for Mickey D's, cold mac a McFlurry.
Pulls the Prius into Payless and I start gettin' worried.
Turn on the radio, started listning to Journey.
Don't start the party with out me!
Say it one more time, but this time say it loudly!
I said don't start the party with out me!
Say it one more time, but this time say it loudly!
I bet there's pot, I never tried it.
Bet there's lots, I'm so excited.
My first beer, no fear, why fight it?
Hope it's not a problem that I'm not invited!
Got a party jones like I'm a Kennedy.
Eleven-fifteen, night was never meant to be.
My maternal enemy is sure to be the end of me.
She in there buyin' shoes like she a centipede.
Next to the pharmacy, I mac on a magazine.
Party's thumpin' in my brain, blood throbbin' to the beat.
I can see the honey bees while they're breakin' up the trees,
shotugn with tongue; that'd be off the heez!
Bitch, please! Not Barnes and Noble!
Clock's tickin', everybody's totaled.
By the time I get there, there'll be nobody home.
Dont get me started, just get me stoned!
Don't start the party with out me!
Say it one more time, but this time say it loudly!
I said don't start the party with out me!
Say it one more time, but this time say it loudly!
PARTY!
...Without me...
CVS, Payless, Barnes and Blockbuster.
Hit by tear gas made of minimall mustard.
Buyin' tampons, rentin' Prince of Tides,
Grease 2, and Just One of the Guys.
One hell of a night, one hell of a ride.
If you're not allowed to drive, gotta empathize.
I'm way in the back, prayin', "Jesus, please!"
Watchin' Dora the Explorer on the DVD,
and why didn't we hit the party in the first place?
"'Cause I don't want my son gettin' shit-faced!"
I did a spit take, it's almost midnight,
keg's tapped, no fun, no fist fights.
Goodnight, goodbye, sweet Bacchanal
that was somewhere in the condos by the shopping mall.
She's says I'm too young for beer and drugs.
"Maybe when you're grown up, you can go and get crunk."
Don't start the party with out me!
Say it one more time, but this time say it loudly!
I said don't start the party with out me!
Say it one more time, but this time say it loudly!
Don't start the party with out me!
Say it one more time, but this time say it loudly!
I said don't start the party with out me!
Say it one more time, but this time say it loudly!
PARTY!
...Without me...
PARTY!
...Without me...
PARTY!
...Without me...
PARTY!
[Intro:]
Thanks for choosing Arby's.
Would you like to try one of our brand new toasted subs?
That's right, Arby's now has toasted subs.
Would you like to try our brand new jalapeno bites with bronco berry sauce?
That's right, we now have jalapeno bites with bronco berry sauce.
Your total is five dollars and... thirty... seven cents. Please pull around.
We're like two cakes, two potato cakes
We're like two cakes, two potato cakes
We're like two cakes, two potato cakes
We're like two cakes, two cakes
She not allergic to nerd urgin but she's shy to serve it
I'm so bitter 'bout shit, she gives me a lift and I'm nervous
See we both work at Arby's but in separate sections
And she doesn't know I like her, that she gives me erections
She's up at the counter, I'm in the hole in the back
Taking orders, making change, putting toys in the bags
We smoke buttes on occasion, and I really can't stand it
But she's from another planet so I deal like I'm Gambit
Smoke breaks are like dates, so I don't mind the coughin'
But I'd rather get blazed with the cook in the walk-in
But I feel like I'm stalkin, I can tell she's uneasy
Not appeasing to be creepin' so I still hold her cheesy
At the end of the night, I'm sure to ask for a ride
Been a really long day, I feel like dying inside
Feel like driving all night, home life's kind of fucked
Never dropped me off, never rolled the window up
What?
We're like two cakes (we're like two cakes), two cakes, two potato cakes (two cakes, two cakes)
We're like two cakes (we're like two cakes), two cakes, two potato cakes (two cakes)
We're like two cakes (we're like two cakes), two cakes, two potato cakes (two cakes, two cakes)
We're like two cakes (we're like two cakes), two cakes, two potato cakes (two potato cakes)
Up at 6:30, take a shower 'cause I'm dirty
Go to school, keep on flirting with this girl I think is purty
Yeah, I know she's gonna hurt me but it's worth it I assure it
She's so perfect, I'm so putrid, Where is cupid and some courage?
I will love her always, torment in the hallways
Treated like a cretin, something creepin' in your crawl space
See her at the lockers, see her knockers in her sweater
Soon she'll find the letter where I go ahead and tell her
She's like, "I'm so stoked, I got a date to the dance! "
Well there's a girl from art class, that I guess I could ask
"You should go, we could double, there's a really big party
Oh, by the way, I've got good news, I finally quit Arby's
I'm a hostess at Chili's and it's really the bomb
My date's a waiter there, it's where he asked me to prom"
And so I linger on with my pale blue eyes
Walkin' through the hood cause I've lost my ride
This job is alright, as far as fast food goes
Free grub is a perk, but the benefits blow
If the manager's cool we get to chief in the store
Turn the stereo on, while we're sweepin' the floor
Well the jocks they know I work here and they recognize my voice
Throw empties at my window but that's beside the point
It's a minimum wage, it's a bit of a pain
But every check was worth it cause her beautiful face
This job is alright, as far as fast food goes
Free grub is a perk, but the benefits blow
If the manager's cool we get to chief in the store
Turn the stereo on, while we're sweepin' the floor
Well the jocks they know I work here and they recognize my voice
Throw empties at my window but that's beside the point
It's a minimum wage, it's a bit of a pain
But every check was worth it cause her beautiful face
And so I survive, I'm prepared to do prep
I'm sweating by the ovens, someone turn on the vents
What a turn of events, now I'm sort of a mess
There's a new girl she retarded, now the manager's tense
The cook's out of weed, and I kinda miss it
But I still show up for work like this shit is no big
Like my heart is not broke, like she done me no harm
I don't wanna be a wuss so I still set my alarm
I'm upset but not emo, and there's no one to fight
I can block the empties with a shield like I'm prototype
Close the window to the world if it's not acting quite right
Pack the pipe in the parking lot with manager Mike
I can deal with this shirt, I got really cool bosses
I can stock the desert, I can marinade the sauces
It's scary but awesome, when it comes to my job
I never even think about the time I was robbed
[Gunshot]
We're like two cakes (we're like two cakes), two cakes, two potato cakes (two cakes, two cakes)
We're like two cakes (we're like two cakes), two cakes, two potato cakes (two cakes)
We're like two cakes (we're like two cakes), two cakes, two potato cakes (two cakes, two cakes)
way back college boy asked to a high school dance
couldn't wait, but my date was in my friend's pants.
didn't know what to do, mc feelin blue,
til my best friend said that the red would get me through.
went to the drew with my crew, adults only box,
in a second hand suit, bow tie, i'm a fox.
in a car on the street, in my mouth swisher sweet
down that shit at my crib in a one gulp feat,
room starts to turn like cheese,
my tummy starts to churn like grease,
on my knees like a rug burn beast
like an intern tease with a yeast (infection.)
all the while on the tile, feel like I got the flu.
think I'm gonna throw, I think this night is through
ding dong, date's arrived and her dress is ripped.
she don't know I'm on a robotussin trip.
in the back two girls going stag fat asses.
i demand from the date her sunglasses.
do a drop roll out the car like axel.
I need an angel, I need some fuckin advil.
I got a buzz bigger than a behive
cough up my cookies let loose what's on the inside
chorus
the tussin, the tussin
put it down like it was nothing
robocop couldn't stop me puking and flushin
no balls to be bustin, no fightin, no cussin
just love for a drug called robotussin
way back college boy, live on eleventh floor.
head out my window, wonder what I'm living for.
knock on my door, what's in store, it's my buddy bux
with the rabbit ear pockets saying he is out of luck.
Need a forty for party thrown by laura kang at rubin.
all he's got is snot and a box full of ludens.
Tell'm bout the tussin, we're hayden ho hustlin'
interupting discussions about reagonomic reprocussions.
Fuck'm, we're fuckin chug luggin.
soon my stomach I'm huggin I'm trippin or something
my coat I button, keep it down like a dungeon.
you could call me the cough medicine curmudgeon.
frankly, the feeling's fuckin fantastic
I'm tripping like jesus in the desert when he fasted,
Like it's the night before we all get drafted,
Like we're rowing through some rapids with Kevin Bacon, white water rafting
Like you're at epcot center on acid? Exactly.
I got an allergy for every pedigree
So I got myself a robot that's Japanese
But yo, he's hard to please
He's always gotta pee
But he nevers sips a drip
This chip is playin' me
The way it plays ladies is such a sight to see
He gets more digits than I could inside my wildest dreams
He plays the ho's
Instead of playing fetch with me
He sniffs the toes of
Tiffany and Stefanie
That brings up Emily
She was my latest squeeze
Robot dog stole that girl
Right out from under me
Sometimes I wonder why
I supply the energy
To my mortal enemy
That should be a best friend to me
Robot dog, he down tequila out of Tommy navel
Robot dog, he drinks his owner underneath the table
Robot dog, I'm afraid this foe is fuckin' fatal
I'm about to go pre-natal, end up in a baby cradle
Robot dog, turn him off, motherfucker
Say, turn him off
Robot dog, turn him off, motherfucker
Say, turn him off
He never pays the rent
He kicks me out of bed
I'm the pissed submissive
He's the fuckin' dominance
And it's been really tense
I'm feiging impotence
I got a robot dog
And haven't gotten any since
All my pals are fuckin'
Meloncholy malcontents
From Malcom In The Middle
To Malcom X
He eats filet migon
I'm eating fuckin' Alphabits
And the motherfucker just left me
The consanants
I hold his leash while
He gets all the compliments
He gets more attention than
A one eyed elephant
He's in the club
I'm in my car
Out of my element
In a Honda Element
Feeling irrelelvent
But it's on like it's Vaugh comma Vince
I wanna be gone like I'm
Jon Favreau havin' a fit
He's surrounded by chicks
Rubbing their D cup tits
I flip the toilet lid
Read a Maxim mag, bust a couple kids
Robot dog, he down tequila out of Tommy navel
Robot dog, he drinks his owner underneath the table
Robot dog, I'm afraid this foe is fuckin' fatal
I'm about to go pre-natal, end up in a baby cradle
Robot dog, turn him off, motherfucker
Say, turn him off
Robot dog, turn him off, motherfucker
(Wait now I'll just start)
You begin and then I'm gonna come in
(Ok)
One two, one two ready go kick it
It's mc chris I'm not home right now
I'm out in the meadow cause I'm busy tipping cows
I'm drinkin' cause we're all hanging out
Cause we like to get crazy and shout
Yeeeeeah alright baby ohhhhhh yeeeeeah whoooo
Hello, my name's mc chris
I am white and I rap
I know that you think my voice is kinda annoying
But when it is on a mic
It is nice, kinda like
The wind through windchimes at night
Now knight me The Boy King
I'll require a throne and hoes
Don't forget, lots of dro
Wasn't long ago I lived on milk and kidney beans
But, now I've been vilified
Thanks to these
Mic skills of mine
Nerds, they all get in a line with things to sign, mc
Groupies throw their thongs and bras
Midget girls, Amazons
Take 'em home, pajamas on
Let's play some hide-and-seek
But don't worry Dad and Mom,
Always have a condom on
I got better sense than that
Don't wanna catch v.d.
Did I discuss my dividends?
That depends,
Are we friends?
If we are then I can say I'm slingin' wicked bling
Enough that I can loan you some
Whatcha want, 100 bucks?
Pay your rent, buy you a tux
To me it's not a thing
In the end it's just revenge
Honor, that's my last defense
They should not have been so cruel
So callous in their ways
They were jealous of my depth
They would not give it a rest
Hope my story's end sends them to an early grave
Everything's just as I planned
I'm the bomb
I'm the man
Sold out shows, New York, Japan, I fill the stands with teens
Hope they don't mind a melted face
The smell of toast
Metallic taste
That's the smell of burnin' brains, you can blame mc
Fire and brimstone
Wrath of Hell
Take the cards you've been dealt
Take your wife to the hotel and F her in the tub
Key your car and steal your mail
Think I won't? I will prevail
My jams will be anthems causing tantrums in the clubs
Riot gear and dissidence
A loss of life and innocence
Parachute apocalypse
It's like it's World War III
Cause I failed a fitness test
Doesn't mean you have to jest
Maybe I should fill your chest with some gasoline
You might want to look away
While the flames eat your face
You'll be nothing but a bunch of bones, perhaps some teeth
Hope you learned your lesson dude
A little less ineptitude
Please be kind to others you'll be smothered in your sleep
Bitches need to understand you don't fuck with mc
Bitches need to understand you don't fuck with mc
"Oh, mc, won't you rhyme for me one time..."
To the chicks and the bros, to the pimps and the hoes,
cheap seats to the front row!
"Oh, mc, won't you rhyme for me one time..."
To the kids in the Polo, to the nasty-ass hobos;
welcome to the mc chris show!
Okay, you want a rhyme, how would you like it cooked?
I only serve it well, you can check the record books.
You can check my record sales, not bad for an Indie.
Want square beef, then go eat at Wendy's.
Now nerds are trendy, they call it Geek Chic.
Nerds never noticed, they were on their PCs.
Never mind a chill pill, you ill will get deep freezed,
now hold up for a second - mc can't breathe!
HUUUHHH! Okay, I'm back, I shouldn't have left you.
I'm Max on the tracks, I might need some Headroom.
Allergic to my deaf tunes like they were legumes;
in the distance, you'll be limbless sayin', "Just a flesh wound!"
Sometimes I rhyme fast, sometimes I drink quick.
If this was gym class, I'd be the last picked,
but it's a rap record, a brand new jam fix.
Wait 'til the fans get their hands on this shit.
"Oh, mc, won't you rhyme for me one time..."
To the chicks and the bros, to the pimps and the hoes,
cheap seats to the front row!
"Oh, mc, won't you rhyme for me one time..."
To the kids in the Polo, to the nasty-ass hobos;
welcome to the mc chris show!
Are you lost and alone like a lonely little goldfish?
We fit together like soap in a soap dish.
I know you think that it's hopeless.
Well, let me fill you up with a cup of hot dopeness.
Kids, they quote Chris. Think I don't know this?
Check the flow, bitch, you need to get to know kitsch.
If the niche fits, kids foamin' with canip' spit,
better stick 'cause a nine to five's for dipshits.
Ends with interest sweeter than a Chipwich,
stick to ya ribs like barbecue beef brisket.
Visit for a minute, get baked like I'm Bisquick.
Leave the ladies horny, give the dogs little lipsticks.
It's the hip shit.
Let your soul and spirit fly into the mystic.
Every song's on your wishlist. Every day's mcchristmas.
Now can I get a witness?
"Oh, mc, won't you rhyme for me one time..."
To the chicks and the bros, to the pimps and the hoes,
cheap seats to the front row!
"Oh, mc, won't you rhyme for me one time..."
To the kids in the Polo, to the nasty-ass hobos;
Hey guys you ever fall in love?
When I first saw you and you looked into my eyes I knew, right then and right there that I had fallen
Head over heels.
That's when I knew I had to ask you out on a... what they call it Lee Majors?
Help me out. One time!
First date you're lookin' great tonight
I think that I might take a chance tonight
First date you're lookin' great toniiiiiiiight
Hold all the doors for you pull out chairs for you
Nobody cares for you like I do, like I do
Clip my nails for you chop off the tails for you
Well I don't know you but I feel like I do
First date you're lookin' great tonight
I think that I might take a chance tonight
First date you're lookin' great toniiiiiiiight
I'll buy you popcorn I'll buy you coke
We go outside and sniff a smoke
I make a joke and you laugh like it's funny
Girlfriend you're straight up money
First date you're lookin' great tonight
I think that I might take a chance tonight
First date you're lookin' great toniiiiiiiight
Woah-oh
Oh-woah, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Woah-oh
Ahhhhhh!
Oh, Yeahhhhh!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yea-ah!
First date you're lookin' great tonight
I think that I might take a chance tonight
First date you're lookin' great toniiiiiiiight
[x2]
La-da la-da la-da la-da
First Daaaaate!
Waaaaaaii-ai-ai-ai-oh-oh-oh!
Oh Yeah! Oh Yeah
Ohhhh...
Hey this Horatio guy is a Shakespeare character in Hamlet.
I read the cliff notes in ninth grade I'm not a complete imbecile.
Like oh my Gooooood
Yo ladies what's goin on? Yo you wanna get with mc chris you gotta get with me.
Like Peggy and Al, Alex, Jennifer and Mal
Like the Mississippi or the Panama Canel
Like Miss Piggy or the buxom Bev Belle
Name is mc chris and I'm like a val gal
Cause I say like, like My So-Called Life
But too many times and it just ain't right
They say it's just a word like um or uh
Say it too many times it might as well be duh
Kinda sorta whatever and peachy keen
I sound like love letters in Seventeen magazine
Word up oooooooh
Pop goes the weasel cause the weasel makes pop references
Like the Drummonds the Beatys' and the Jeffersons
Pop goes the weasel cause the weasel is screech
I'm livin the life style described by Robin Leach
You know what I'm sayin'?
I'm like fuckin' awesome like David and Goliath
I can dance like Blossom bang your head like Quiet Riot
Beats I might like boss and pass the J to Spicoli
Kick your ass like Axl Foley while you scream holy frijoles
Drinkin shots and still I make you run for the chaser
Like ObiWan Kenobi I display my lightsaber
A Speed racer lazer target your pencil eraser
I'll rub you out name is mc chris your favorite flavor
Above 32 I cut loose like footloose
I'm cool and refreshing like a tall glass of orange juice
You know what I'm sayin'? oooooooh
Pop goes the weasel Cause the weasel is brainless
Jiffy pop on top cause the pop is painless
Like gag me with a spoon cause your shit's like heinous
Pop takes me to the moon cause pop's about being famous
Are you listening to me? By the way there's a naked women in your office shall I tell her to wait?
Say you're pregnant...
I'm pregnant.
That's not funny Say you're pregnant would you tell your best friend?
Ask her?
But what if she'd get an abortion?
I wouldn't dare do it.
Like Eddie is to Coltrane, like Beavis is to butt pain
I lie like cocaine never low like lo mein
Cause fires like propane I'm insane in the membrane
Excuse me for a moment while I drain the main vein
Life's not a board game like Candyland or Chess
Name is mc chris and you know that I'm the best
I'm like Jack Tripper surrounded by the girlies
You with your ascot you're Don Knotts, you're Mr. Furley
You never heard me like your gnarly like cherry
You be George Costanza I'll be smooth like Jerry
Word up oooooooh
Pop goes the weasel cause the weasel got me eagles
That didn't stop Fonzie from actin' like Evil Kenevil
Fuckin evil I'll pop your bubble like the game trouble
[Silence]
[MC Chris:] Whu where am I? It's so hot in here it's boiling up!
[Virgil the Poet:] Welcome to hell
[MC Chris:] Hi! Than- oh wow, to hell! That's where I am? It's hot!
[Virgil the Poet:] It's hot by definition
[MC Chris:] This is hell? It's a strong temperature shift. You really gotta warn somebody before they pop you into that void
[Virgil the Poet:] Wha-what are you talking about? That's all we ever do is warn people. You ever hear "it's hot as hell"? It's kinda an old phrase?
[MC Chris:] Right.
A regular arachnid,
Back with the hat trick,
A rappin' maniac was a little rappin' fat kid,
Now I pack venues
Like they was a bowl,
Microtrash, microblast, from my mighty microphone.
Rap for my mom's Bridge club,
Back in the day,
At Bible camp I would rap
So maybe I could get laid,
Backstage it was a blaze,
Different days of rehearsal,
Before I smoked the purple
With a circle of Urkles.
Took my rappin' to Manhattan,
Where the motto's do or die,
Didn't know a single soul,
And soon it's suicide,
I'm feelin' microscopic down on Madison Ave.,
I could jump from a window,
Or in front of a cab,
Then, mc chris arrives
Said I'll surely survive,
If you feel like you can't function,
Start shuckin' the jive,
Don't drown in the sound
Of your certain demise,
Just be a different person if you're hurting inside.
(Never give up, never surrender,
I'm gonna pick you up like they did in Defender,
No shame in your game,
'cause your name ain't Ender,
Never give up,
Never surrender!) [x2]
Felt like I was weird,
Like I didn't belong,
Like I was broken and wrong,
And better off gone,
It's hard to see the future when the present tense is suckin',
It's hard to keep truckin' when you're stuck at loser junction.
You can't call it quits,
Don't throw in the towel,
You can take a lot of licks,
So never listen to the owl,
Don't listen to the pundits,
The haters or the critics,
You can suck my di-dick,
Take a leap at Chappaquiddick,
The Chronicles of Riddick,
Watched the movies and the credits,
Wouldn't leave the theater
'cause I felt like I'd regret it,
The city was so big,
And frankly it wasn't feelin' right,
And besides I wanna find out who's the dolly grip on Demon Knight.
But then I met a friend and he kinda showed me music,
NOFX and MTX it mixed me up like Rubix,
I found a path and called it rap,
It helped me escape,
If you feel rotten and forgotten,
Remember there'll be better days.
(Never give up, never surrender,
I'm gonna pick you up like they did in Defender,
No shame in your game,
'cause your name ain't Ender,
Never give up,
Never surrender!) [x2]
(You can never give up,
You can never surrender,
Fight the good fight
'till the end of the night and,
Always remember.) [x4]
That you can never give up,
Nerd girl, I don't deserve you
I don't get the references you refer to
I love your Lipsmackers and your lack of perfume
I hope to get you home by curfew
Word up!
There's a special kind of girl that goes to my shows
And I don't mean the groupie hos
All along the front row
She's more like a wallflower
Like the one that Stryker sniped
I'm like elixir when I'm with her
'Cause I think I like her type
She might seem shy in person, it's no lie
She's always nervous
But the verdict is she's worth it
She gets crap but don't deserve it
She look like Emily Strange
Always ravin' 'bout her favs
Wanna conquer her like Kang
When you kiss like Cassie Lang
There's no way I can pronounce Neo Geo Evangelion
I can't refute 'cause she's so cute
And so I suck my belly in
X-23 and Hellion, odd couple, to be kind
She's in my heart and in my mind
And now she's in my rhymes
She's wordy and verbose
Prolific and prone to prose
Always sick and has a cold
Stuffed nose she's got to blow
I've got many cold remedies, many old enemies
I've got a girl that kick their ass like River from Serenity
Nerd girl, I don't deserve you
I don't get the references you refer to
I love your Lipsmackers and your lack of perfume
I hope to get you home by curfew
Word up!
Her parents are divorced
And there's often daddy issues
Try not to take advantage
While I hand her all my tissues
She hips me to the bands she likes
I couldn't be more clueless
Every word comes out her mouth
Is now on my to-do list
She's romantic, known to panic
With anxiety attacks
Literary, it's so scary
Reading Brontes back to back
She's playing Ragnarok on her mother's Magnavox
She's underneath my skin like a million nanobots
She's like Annie Potts in 'Busters
Get my freak on like I'm Egon
Say third base right to her face
And she will be like, be gone
If not now know I can wait like Lucas and the locusts
And you know this we'll by glow sticks
Stay up late, perfect the slow kiss
You can't resist Chris 'cause he helps you de-stress
While you play Animal Crossing on your Nintendo DS
Baby, if we can't be a couple
Give up on getting married
I'll remember we connected
And how it happens so rarely
(I'm serious, girl!)
Nerd girl, I don't deserve you
I don't get the references you refer to
I love your Lipsmackers and your lack of perfume
I hope to get you home by curfew
Word up!
Nerd girl, I don't deserve you
I don't get the references you refer to
I love your Lipsmackers and your lack of perfume
I hope to get you home by curfew
Word up!
Nerd girl, I don't deserve you
I don't get the references you refer to
I love your Lipsmackers and your lack of perfume
I hope to get you home by curfew
MC Chris is dead and he ain't never coming back
You should have been nicer when you were blazin' up the track
No well wishers, it's just bitches talkin' trash
'Cause the aftermath is saying that rap is whack
(MC Chris is dead!)
On arrival, watch his rivals revel the jealous
Relish the moment their opponent went to bevel
Six feet under, what a bummer, it's no wonder the waste
Could have been a contender, now maggots march in his face
MC's often in his coffin, lyin' down, lost in thought
Groupies gather at the grave and done throw posies on the pot
Haters hate off in the distance, telescoping with binoc's
Smoking basket after laughing, get their knickers in knots
They play, in the park, in the dark, where they spark a spliff
Raise it high in the sky and cry "This shit is for Chris"
Then the talent tailor, how he really was a pimp
Hands wanted to be on, just want to be on his dick
I'll wait to the day's end when the moon is high
And then I'll rise with the tide with a lust for life, I'll
Amass an army, yeah we're hard as a whore
And then we'll limp across the land until we stand at the shore
I'll wait to day's end when the moon is high
And then I'll rise with the tide with a lust for life, I'll
Amass an army, yeah we'll harness a horde
And then we'll limp across the land until we stand at the shore
MC Chris is dead and is dreadfully morbid
He forfeits, forever free for the poor kids
One stepped at the bottom with demonic endorphins
I was power rings restrained, no more Mighty Morphin'
We couldn't close the lid, there'll be no bids on his toys
No will for the rumor mill, no bills to enjoy
He kept every penny 'cept the two on his eyes
Now the diggers at Denny's, gettin' cheese on his fries
As for the babies and their mamma's, there'll be drama for days
Looks like he got his likeness, now it's time to get paid
So many starvin' Marvin Garden, claimin' MC C
But he's a seedless greed, makin' pace in the RV
It's a croc in the pot, is fraught, of it be the mock death
He's got the awesomest posthumous box set
They're airbrushing MC, on plain white tee's
Another life lost to violence, silence if you please
I'll wait to the day's end when the moon is high
And then I'll rise with the tide with a lust for life, I'll
Amass an army, yeah we're hard as a whore
And then we'll limp across the land until we stand at the shore
I'll wait to day's end when the moon is high
And then I'll rise with the tide with a lust for life, I'll
Amass an army, yeah we'll harness a horde
And then we'll limp across the land until we stand at the shore
My name is MC Chris and yo I can't get laid
Now they lay me to rest, how am I gonna get paid?
These quarters are cramped and I'm crazy claustrophobic
Consider it, note it, I feel belittled and bloated
I better bust out in a hurry, 'cause I ain't hating the road then
I can barely bust a move because my body is broken
But I'm covered in collections, though you can't take it with you
Someone pass me a tissue while they gnash on my tissue
Somebody prayed to Vishnu any deity will do
I claw at my satin ceiling, I've got nothing to lose
And through the dirt and the thick mud, I'll tunnel like dig dug
Or the underminer, my desire is the big buck
Can I convey the basement without wasting my words
Fossilization's what I'm facin' unless defacement occurs
So I rise to the occasion, there's no waitin' for worms
And please no zombie player haters
Man, what have we learned?
I'll wait to the day's end when the moon is high
And then I'll rise with the tide with a lust for life, I'll
Amass an army, yeah we're hard as a whore
And then we'll limp across the land until we stand at the shore
I'll wait to day's end when the moon is high
And then I'll rise with the tide with a lust for life, I'll
Amass an army, yeah we'll harness a horde
Woo yeah
Woo yeah
Go mc [x11]
It's mc chris I'm twice as wide
As a kid whose tall enough to ride the rides
I be in your files like the FBI
So my shit quick and slick like slip and slide
That means I'm fat not with a P-H
But with a pound of bacon and a basket of eggs
You're whack so no matter how you bake
I be chillin' on the mics and you be lyin' in your grave
It's mc chris I'm scared I'm frightened
All my cliff notes I'm highlightin'
I'm in a blue font and the piranhas are brightened?
If I am a puppet I wish the strings tightened
But that's all right I got my ray gun and jet pack
To all the blood suckers got my AK so get back
Where you came from I won't mind
My name is mc chris now's the time to press rewind
Yeah so like I made rap song
It's not that wrong is it?
Mc chris is so fly mc chris is the best
Mc chris is a super rapper he's a super rapper (number 1)
Kick it Macy's day please press play
It's more like Halloween than independence day
My phaser on stun and I'm on the nod
I said I killed Godzilla and now here comes his son
And his reptilian daughter and I'll never be odder
But I blow them all away like I was the Godfather
I take over the school like I was Mr. Kotter
And I did it my way just like a punk rocker
Ready for system check (system check ready 10-4)
Seat belts (seat belts check)
Turbo booster (turbo booster check)
Deflector shields (deflector shields check)
[Chandler:]
MMM! Now that was a lunch. I still like hotdogs, I still like, discussing it with other people and just saying-
[Secretary:]
Mr. Chandler? Mr. Ward is here to see you?
[Chandler:]
Oh He is?
[Secretary:]
... and he looks... dead?
[Chandler:]
Alrite send him in.
[MC Chris:]
Rar! I'm a zombie! Back from the grave!
[Chandler:]
Heey! Rar, you're a zombie, look at you, you're a zombie, of course you are, of course you are.
[MC Chris:]
Back from the grave!
[Chandler:]
Back form the grave, there he is.
[MC Chris:]
Rar!
[Chandler:]
Rar! There you go! Look at you!
[MC Chris:]
I'm a zombie!
[Chandler:]
I'm really proud of you. Why am I proud of you? Because I'm NOT proud of you. I heard the album you cut in the endless void of pergatory. (right?) It stinks! (mwh?) Don't ask me how I heard it. (how'd you hear it?) I heard it on the internet. Will you listen to me for once and sit down?
[MC Chris:] No! I'm a zombie! I'm here to seek vengence! Blar! :vomit sound: Zombie vomit all over you!
[Chandler:] Oh look what you did!
[MC Chris:] Threw up all over you shirt
[Chandler:] black vomit all over... pink and black vomit all over me, it's got chunks in it-
[MC Chris:] It burns too don't it?
[Chandler:] Obviously... eeeh, it's ok actually...
[MC Chris:]
[Kyle XY:] Well Hello and welcome to the underground...
[All:] SSSHHHHH!
[Kyle XY:] Sorry, Sorry. Hello and welcome to the underground, this is Darth Kyle, my new name is Kyle XY because that's the program I miss most, in this brand new zombie apocalypse.
[All:] May the Force be with you.
[Kyle XY:] We've been living 3 months basically on our wits, we're running out of food, we've begun to hunt but animals have become scarce. It may be time to move to the forbidden lands.
[All:] May the force be with you.
[Kyle XY:] We're gonna go around in a circle and just say our name and say how the zombie apocalypse has affected us and what summer movie we are looking forward to the most.
[All:] May the force be with you.
[1st Mimsy:] Hey, um, I was uh, formerly "IG89", and then I was "Sawyer's Gun Stash" and now I am "The First Mimsy." And... (May the force be with you, SSSHHHH, OK, Go ahead) Ok, it's been rough, I've got to admit it's been pretty hard. My Mother, god rest her soul, was eaten by zombies. My brother was eaten by zombies. My father was eaten by zombies, they're still living at the house and I have not been able to get my Legend of the Overfiend DVDs out of my room. Now, I ordered that on Amazon and it cost me $175, I haven't been able to masturbate to it and it's been something I've been wanting to masturbate to since I was 16 and I first saw it, I'm pissed.
[All:] May the force be with you.
[MC Chris:] That's tough.
[Resident Stevil:] Wait, Legend of the Overfiend?
[1st Mimsy:] Legend of the Overfiend.
[Resident Stevil:] Just get La Blue Girl, La Blue Girl's better.
[1st Mimsy:] I don't care, I'd rather wath the thing that I ordered.
[All:] May the force be with you.
[MR Shark:] I am Jimmie, airquotes, "the Zombie" Stewart. My new name is "Mr Shark." (May the force be with you, May the the force be with me)
[Kyle XY:] SSSHHH, You seriously have to lower your voice, we're gonna die if they hear you.
[MR Shark:] I don't... stipulate, I'm stipulating I want to call this the alleged zombie apocalypse. I still don't think that zombies exist. Ah, it's impossible, it's against the laws of all logic and science (argument breaks out in a whisper, 'we see them everyday') You see zombies like you see the 2 women looking at each other, whereas it's really just a picture of a vase, and no zombies. (I know what your talking about) And I'm looking forward to the new Indiana Jones movie to verify my latest correct theory that the crystal skull of Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull was in fact, the skull of Jar Jar Binks, the Gungan from the movie Battlestar Galactica. (May the force be with you, argument breaks out 'that was Phantom Menace')
[Resident Stevil:] I'm formerly Jackie the Hut, and Roland of Cilliad (May the Force be with you). My new nickname is "Resident Stevil." (May the force be with you) I think this has been hard on all of us, the hardest thing was going back to my home to try to get supplies and finding my goddamn lying, cheating wife and her fuck buddy, and they were both zombies, but they were still fucking wailing on each other, they were just 69ing, in my bed, my 1, 600 dollar... (that's an expensive bed) sleep piece. (Tempurpedic?) Tempurpedic, nice bed. Fucking whore, fucking zombie shit juice all over, fucking disgusting. I got to really tear them apart with the lawn mower. (May the Force be with you, alleged zombie, alleged zombie, yes) And I'm really looking forward to the Mummy 3, even though I thought the first 2 movies and Scorpion King were both the fucking worst movies I've ever seen in my life.
[Darth of the Dead:] You guys might know me as "Darth Chh Chha Dootico" or "Darth Chh Chaa Gracie." Now I'm known as "Darth of the Dead." (May the force be with you, SSSHHHH!) The apocalypse has been very hard on me, I spent the first 3 weeks of the apocalypse by myself trapped inside of a shopping mall, specifically the back room of a Spencer's Gifts. All I was able to subsist on was edible underwear but I did find out, if you guys ever heard of, zombies do not like fart spray, it wards them off. (thoughtful murmurs) I have to say that I'm very excited about the Dark Knight movie. I'm hoping that if any good comes out of this zombie apocalypse, hopefully Heath Ledger might rise from his grave and reprise his role as the Joker in future Batman movies. (Too soon!) Too Soon? May the force be with you.
[When in Romero:] My name was "Greedo 1977, " and then it was "Basement Safe, " and now it's "When in Romero." (May the force be with you... can you lower your voice, lower your voice they'll kill us!) I was very...
[MC Chris:] Hey I hear you guys up there!
(SSSSHHHHH!)
[MC Chris:] Hey, hey you guys!
[whispering:] (Chris? MC Chris? He looks like a zombie! A zombie!)
[MC Chris:] Throw down a rope ladder, let me climb up there, I wanna eat your brains!
('You got blood coming out of your eyes! ' 'you want to eat our brains? ' 'Yeah! Please! ' 'then no, why would we let you do that? ', 'that's ridiculous', 'that's a really fucked thing to ask us to do')
[MC Chris:] Guys, just throw down the rope ladder, let me come on up there, sounds like your having fun.
[murmuring:] ('abso- no way, it's ridiculous you even ask us to do it, why would we even do that, it makes no sense')
[MC Chris:] Just let me have some of your sodas, some of your beans. Oh and I wanna eat your head, I can't...
(Oh, now there you go, now we're not gonna let you up)
[MC Chris:] I don't know, pretense, I'm no good with it. I just wanna get up there.
(We were close to letting you up but we're not letting you up cause you're gonna eat our brains.)
(Look, What do you think Ironman is gonna be like, you think it's gonna be ok? discussion breaks out)
[MC Chris:] Well, I'm pretty excited about it because Samuel L. Jackson is gonna play Nick Fury in both Incredible Hulk and the Ironman movie which kind of opens up a, just a pandoras box of what could be in the Marvel universe.
[Chorus:]
Kill it mc with your ability beams
With your newly acquired powers in this hour of need
Wi-wi-with the the greatest of ease
Pu-pu-put these haters to sleep
M-m-mc chris you are my hero with no fear of defeat.
Believe it or not I am rocking the mic
An easy combo to remember like the lock on your bike
My name is mc chris havin' the time of my life
Turn the mic into dynamite, like Yosemite might, right?
Cause I got the beats and I got the flavor
The narcs on my fart like the ark's got raiders
I'm makin' paper you're makin' excuses
You're abusing glue sticks
Sorry but the shoe fits
You're what's called a nuisance, I'm a new artist
Only got the farthest cause I'm workin' the hardest
So F you hated B's need to chill real soon
Take a hammer to your grill, like I'm Oh Dae Su
Lego head girl girls that smoke too much doob
Kicking ass with the 'stache of a Fu Manchu.
Two blue tattoos, that used to be black
You a bad enough dude to stay off of my back?
[Chorus]
Believe it or not I can out-style all these know-it-alls
Getting greedy 'cause I made a CD at the local mall
Maybe these preemies need their Wheaties, perpetrating in a Powerglove
(The Rock swiggin' at like a plastic bag of sauna)
Gotta gargle lava if you wanna spit fire
Save the drama for your mama, we all know that shit's tired.
Just 'cause you're hoping to flow don't mean you can open the show.
You gotta girl and she at home with a head full of holes
I'm like baseball cards, but with mp3s.
I rock bicycle spokes- just a joke MC.
See, you ride up on my grip like I got the gan-yo.
Let me hit the bong slow while I say "RAW Bro! "
This is for the haters. They got something to prove.
If they didn't hate on me then they'd have nothing to do.
Watch me body slam a n00b on the hard concrete.
I make a living musing over hardcore beats.
I bought you, I love you, I want to subjugate you tonight
I claimed you, I named you, can't wait, you need to do me for life
I think that you're great, you give me such a clean place
My Japanese maid, you are my wife and my slave
You do everything right, how did my whites get so bright?
You are oh, so polite, and your vagina's so tight.
Harajuku, heaven sent, Pine-Sol, lemon scent
She's worth it, every cent, she's perfect in every sense
I need some cooking, cleaning, don't mean to be demeaning
But when you feather dust my nuts I turn into a demon
There was no other recourse, so many chores that you can do on all fours
So many windows and doors, so many rooms that you want to explore
So much dirt in the kitchen, so many dirty positions
Guess who's cleaning dishes, guess who's penis gets kisses
Mine does, word up
[Chorus]
Soft scrub, gloves are rubber, you're the quicker picker upper
Draw a bath and bring me supper, she's my servant and my lover
There is no need for garters, my dick is getting harder
Go grab a swiffer, make it stiffer, stir it up for starters
I like to whip you raw, work it nonstop
Makin' me wish I had nine tentacle cocks
Flirty little fox with animal ears on top
I'm about to J-Pop got her on lock
Down in my dungeon devices
Now that I know that she's priceless
She could be my bubblegum crisis
I don't know what that means
[Chorus]
I'm a dank burner 'cause I'm earnin' some bank.
No one to spend it on because I ain't got a mate,
so I put it in my system where I procrastinate
playin' games of video, I'm sure that you can relate.
I like Hack-n-Slash, FPS, my favorite's third person.
Shotgun blast to some brains is my perversion.
Mixin' up the herbs, weapon upgrades,
use the silencer if that shit's on fade.
Reside in a hazy hobbit hole, I never vamanos.
My best friend's Papa John and The Noid from Domino's.
Sometimes I skip a shower, I smell like a stinky toad.
Every console you can think of on the brink of Jericho.
I would never buy a gun, I would never take a life
but I'll snipe you in the eye if I see that you're online.
I'm a kinda quiet guy 'cause I'm always in my mind.
I would say give me a try if I ever went outside.
Home alone on my throne, everywhere I go I own.
I'm a troll, packin' bowls, yo, it's in my chromosomes.
It brings out the best in me in very scary ways.
I've been down with bootin' up since Sierra Games.
Home alone on my thrown, everywhere I go I own.
I'm a troll, packin' bowls, yo, it's in my chromosomes.
It brings out the best in me in very scary ways.
I've been down with bootin' up since Sierra Games.
Dinin' on some Deep Dish, listin' to Cheap Trick,
live this life of chronic, Life Aquatic made me seasick.
On my Wii or my 3 or my 3-6.
Cross-legged, playin' bongos like a beatnik.
I'm gettin' baked with Solid Snake and Ratchet and Clank.
Pot with Ocelot 'cause he's got the mad dank.
We're drinkin' Sunny D 'cause the purple stuff's rank.
We never step outside, sun exposure's unsafe.
I'm not a party guy unless it's Mario Party time.
I'd rather kill some Zombie Army Guys while playin' R.E. 5
or the second God of War or the first Half-Life 2.
Now roll up the blunt with my degree from NYU.
I got the game thumb, the basement's the place to be.
President's daughter has been kidnapped and it's up to me.
In my pixelated palace, there's a policy:
if the world hangs in the balance, you best call mc!
Home alone on my throne, everywhere I go I own.
I'm a troll, packin' bowls, yo, it's in my chromosomes.
It brings out the best in me in very scary ways.
I've been down with bootin' up since Sierra Games.
Home alone on my thrown, everywhere I go I own.
I'm a troll, packin' bowls, yo, it's in my chromosomes.
It brings out the best in me in very scary ways.
I've been down with bootin' up since Sierra Games.
"...Do you want to play again?"
Home alone on my throne, everywhere I go I own.
I'm a troll, packin' bowls, yo, it's in my chromosomes.
It brings out the best in me in very scary ways.
I've been down with bootin' up since Sierra Games.
Home alone on my thrown, everywhere I go I own.
I'm a troll, packin' bowls, yo, it's in my chromosomes.
It brings out the best in me in very scary ways.
Ladies that are fat ladies that are skinny
Ladies that are all night on my jimmy
Ladies that won't charge me a buck fiddy
Just wanna get with me cuz I'm so pretty
Bitties who wanna bite off a lil sumpn
Best part's the top like a drew barry muffin
Bittie's that wanna turn on their love oven
And cook up a caserole of stove top stuffin
Don't stop the suckin cuz you're filled with my gumption
take care of my beaker cuz I'm honeydew bunsen
Got ya jonesin for my potion, got my finger on the button
That's why mc be struttin
Wish I could erase this erection
Honey's comin at me from every direction
Lookin for the love connection
Stinky, sweaty, sexin without protection
So line up the contestants
I'll open their drawers like the kid in the sixth sense
I won't persist this distance, gotta get up in this
She fuckin up my christmas
chorus
Fuckin up my christmas is a new way of saying fuckin up my shit
This is not so much a holliday oriented song
As it is an exclamation of dismay at the sight of a beautiful woman
She fuckin up my christmas biznitch
Catchin glimpses in tiny tid bits
I was fine till you was in my bizness
With you're volleyball booty and you're frilly pink tits
Yo what up wit dis, it mc chris
"M" in my name stand for monolith
No that's not a lisp, you're a finalist
Here's a sash for that ass it says dominance
now, here's my hotel key and some common sense
get up to my suite or you're incompetent
do you wanna be a winner or the opposite?
So lick them lips, drop them shits
And step on it.
chorus
