Is this Chinese ad for Durex condoms, featuring Michelle Obama and Egg Romney, real? We think so! And that is good enough for us. [e.weibo.com]
Sure, Here Are Michelle Obama And Ann Romney In A Chinese Condom Ad, Because Why Not
Yes, Victoria Jackson, You Are A Racist
Um, good one, Victoria Jackson? READ MORE »
Wonkette Salutes Fallen Hero And Pep Club President, Ohio Son Josh Mandel
We knew Ohio state Treasurer Josh Mandel was a TREASURE in his own right smack in the middle of his first debate with blowsy Ohio rambler Sherrod Brown. He was GRANDLY ORATING some total nonsense, and then he said this incredibly dumb thing about loving women because he totally has a wife and mom so the fact that he is terrible on every single women’s issue ever is like totally irrelevant. (Fucking AMAZING CLIP THAT YOU MUST WATCH not embeddable, fucking SPAN!) But has he done anything else to deserve a coveted slot in the Wonkette Pantheon of Fallen Heroes? READ MORE »
A Special Wonkette Tribute To Fallen Senator Staple-Crotch, Massachusetts’s Own Scott Brown
It seems like just two months ago that we were in Tampa, Florida, hanging out with a bunch of Boston journos who explained, totally matter-of-factly, that it was a foregone conclusion that Senator Scott Brown (R-Playgirl) would handily beat sexy schoolmarm Elizabeth Warren in their #war for the senate. Why did they think that? “Because everybody likes him,” they explained. “He’s not a jerk.” Ah, but that was before Senator Brown shot himself in the stapled cock with his own arrow. Presumably working on the advice of Eric Fehrnstrom, who is very bad at his job, he quintupled down on an idiotic race-baiting campaign even after everyone in the world was all “the fuck, Scott Brown?” and then handed in a debate performance (with an assist from David Gregory) that was actually shocking in its bullying, shitty tone. Let us gather round for a War Dance of Remembrance! READ MORE »
Farewell Janice Daniels, Celebrated Homophobe Mayor and Facebook Poet
As we continue to mourn our Fallen Heroes, let us not forget Mayor Janice Daniels of Troy, Michigan! This beloved character danced onto the pages of our Wonkette storybook earlier this year, when she put on her Snuggie, logged into her The Facebook account, and started yelling “QUEERS!!!!” at children. It did not take long for the people of Troy to decide they did not care for this Janice Daniels, because Troy is supposed to be known for its fancy mall, not an insane mayor. (The existence of Janice Daniels as mayor was a clear infringement upon Detroit’s exclusive rights to pathological mayors.) Last night, the people of Troy (Trojans?) successfully recalled their mayor, and so today, we offer a sincere slow-clap for them, and a big “I Heart NYC” gift bag full of tears for Janice Daniels. READ MORE »
Pour A Little On The Ground For America’s Greatest Deadbeat Dad, Hero Congressman Joe Walsh
Today we remember our fallen heroes, a pantheon of peerless fighters like Allen West (probably) and some other ones. But first among equals must always be hero congressman and deadbeat dad of the decade one Mr. Joe Walsh. Let us have a moment of silence for the man whose big GOTCHA in his first debate against war hero Tammy Duckworth was that he had spy photos of her wearing women’s clothing. Okay, good silence, you guys! Now let us honor Mr. Former Congressman Walsh with a montage. READ MORE »
Terrifying Numbers-Wizard Nate Silver Predicts Electoral College; Future Elections To Be Replaced By Math
Good morning, America! Does this map look familiar to you? Of course it does, it’s the map appearing on every newspaper website in the country, indicating which party won all the various states in the Electoral College in last night’s election. Except this particular map actually comes from Nate Silver’s math and numbers emporium, and was created before any votes were counted! Is this proof that all elections will be replaced by the soulless beeping of IBM computers? Let’s hope!
Live-Blog, The Fab Fifth: Mitt’s Concession Speech And/Or The Meltdown Of His Circuitry
Well, here’s one tiny bit of good news for Mitt Romney: one of your Comics Curmudgeon’s Facebook friends who’s a designer for an events company says Mitt’s set is much nicer than Barack’s. So glad we get to look at it, while he talks about how he lost! Let’s watch him sputter out his last public speech we’ll ever have to care about. Live-blog-time!
GOP Superhero Donald Trump Calls For Revolution, Changes Mind
You saw it happen, folks. You sat on your big butt and you watched Barack Obama, who was not born in America, steal the election — again — so that he can ruin the country and impose sharia law.
He had four years to impose his evil Muslim ways, and he didn’t, but that’s not evidence of ANYTHING, and we are still in grave danger.
Thank goodness a brave, brave patriot like Donald Trump is around to point us in the right direction, by bravely tweeting that we should have a “revolution!” and then bravely deleting those tweets. READ MORE »
Why Are You Not Partying With Your Editirx In Glamorous Los Angeles, Right Now?
PEOPLE! We just heard from your Editrix, who is at her party at Busby’s East! This is at 5364 Wilshire Blvd., in Los Angeles, as if you don’t know. (323) 525-2615 is the phone number. Anyway she is “making new friends” which based on past antics might have wacky consequences. So go join her, for fun! She is the pretty one, above! Just show up and make an introduction! They’ll be fun! And we think there’s free beer? Don’t quote us on this. (Go ahead and quote us.) There will be no better place to be when Barry wins (or loses!) then with fellow Wonketteers. Do it!
Wonking Your Face Off: The Live-Bloog Experience, Part III
AAAAAND WE’RE BACK! Hello, Wonketteers, and welcome to our election-night orgy of zingers and Wolf Blitzer insults. We have broken it up into hour-long posts, to prevent these things from getting too long and unwieldy. We don’t have those fancy tools like the New York Times, which, for what it’s worth, has been not working for, like, a while on election night.
Part 1, from the Good Doktor, is still around, as is Part 2, from the Kaia Mursi.
OK OK enough nonsense, let’s get to the bloog! READ MORE »
Oh How Cute, Fox is Suddenly Worried About “Media Bias” and its Impact on Democracy
Apparently there are “new questions” about the role of the media 2012 race! What kind of questions? Well, the kind Fox Nooz asks, like: why does the media insist on pointing out all the lies that come out of Mitt Romney’s mouth? And: why do they have to call constant attention to the fact that Gingrich is a womanizing scumbag? Yes, those kinds of questions.
READ MORE »