Is this Chinese ad for Durex condoms, featuring Michelle Obama and Egg Romney, real? We think so! And that is good enough for us. [e.weibo.com]
SPEAK SOFTLY CARRY A BIG STICK 4:30 pm November 7, 2012
Sure, Here Are Michelle Obama And Ann Romney In A Chinese Condom Ad, Because Why Not
THIS UKULELE KILLS LAUGHTER 4:00 pm November 7, 2012
Yes, Victoria Jackson, You Are A Racist
Um, good one, Victoria Jackson? READ MORE »
PANTHEON OF FALLEN HEROES 3:19 pm November 7, 2012
Wonkette Salutes Fallen Hero And Pep Club President, Ohio Son Josh Mandel
We knew Ohio state Treasurer Josh Mandel was a TREASURE in his own right smack in the middle of his first debate with blowsy Ohio rambler Sherrod Brown. He was GRANDLY ORATING some total nonsense, and then he said this incredibly dumb thing about loving women because he totally has a wife and mom so the fact that he is terrible on every single women’s issue ever is like totally irrelevant. (Fucking AMAZING CLIP THAT YOU MUST WATCH not embeddable, fucking SPAN!) But has he done anything else to deserve a coveted slot in the Wonkette Pantheon of Fallen Heroes? READ MORE »
PANTHEON OF FALLEN HEROES 2:00 pm November 7, 2012
A Special Wonkette Tribute To Fallen Senator Staple-Crotch, Massachusetts’s Own Scott Brown
It seems like just two months ago that we were in Tampa, Florida, hanging out with a bunch of Boston journos who explained, totally matter-of-factly, that it was a foregone conclusion that Senator Scott Brown (R-Playgirl) would handily beat sexy schoolmarm Elizabeth Warren in their #war for the senate. Why did they think that? “Because everybody likes him,” they explained. “He’s not a jerk.” Ah, but that was before Senator Brown shot himself in the stapled cock with his own arrow. Presumably working on the advice of Eric Fehrnstrom, who is very bad at his job, he quintupled down on an idiotic race-baiting campaign even after everyone in the world was all “the fuck, Scott Brown?” and then handed in a debate performance (with an assist from David Gregory) that was actually shocking in its bullying, shitty tone. Let us gather round for a War Dance of Remembrance! READ MORE »
PANTHEON OF FALLEN HEROES 1:15 pm November 7, 2012
Farewell Janice Daniels, Celebrated Homophobe Mayor and Facebook Poet
As we continue to mourn our Fallen Heroes, let us not forget Mayor Janice Daniels of Troy, Michigan! This beloved character danced onto the pages of our Wonkette storybook earlier this year, when she put on her Snuggie, logged into her The Facebook account, and started yelling “QUEERS!!!!” at children. It did not take long for the people of Troy to decide they did not care for this Janice Daniels, because Troy is supposed to be known for its fancy mall, not an insane mayor. (The existence of Janice Daniels as mayor was a clear infringement upon Detroit’s exclusive rights to pathological mayors.) Last night, the people of Troy (Trojans?) successfully recalled their mayor, and so today, we offer a sincere slow-clap for them, and a big “I Heart NYC” gift bag full of tears for Janice Daniels. READ MORE »
LOVE GRENADE 12:17 pm November 7, 2012
Ted Nugent Death / Jail Watch, Day One
So, remember how Ted Nugent, that charming young bard of the rock-n-roll genre, said this thing back in April?
“If Barack Obama becomes the president in November, again, I will either be dead or in jail by this time next year.”
PANTHEON OF FALLEN HEROES 10:48 am November 7, 2012
Pour A Little On The Ground For America’s Greatest Deadbeat Dad, Hero Congressman Joe Walsh
Today we remember our fallen heroes, a pantheon of peerless fighters like Allen West (probably) and some other ones. But first among equals must always be hero congressman and deadbeat dad of the decade one Mr. Joe Walsh. Let us have a moment of silence for the man whose big GOTCHA in his first debate against war hero Tammy Duckworth was that he had spy photos of her wearing women’s clothing. Okay, good silence, you guys! Now let us honor Mr. Former Congressman Walsh with a montage. READ MORE »
RISE OF THE MACHINES 9:15 am November 7, 2012
Terrifying Numbers-Wizard Nate Silver Predicts Electoral College; Future Elections To Be Replaced By Math
Good morning, America! Does this map look familiar to you? Of course it does, it’s the map appearing on every newspaper website in the country, indicating which party won all the various states in the Electoral College in last night’s election. Except this particular map actually comes from Nate Silver’s math and numbers emporium, and was created before any votes were counted! Is this proof that all elections will be replaced by the soulless beeping of IBM computers? Let’s hope!
LET'S STAY TOGETHER 1:18 am November 7, 2012
Will Barack Obama Accept The Presidency? Live-Bloog Part A Zillion
Hey, so there have been 97 live-bloog posts tonight, but this is almost certainly the last one, unless there is a Ron Paul coup, which we will certainly live-blog until the internet goes out because the FCC gets exploded.
So, barring that, we are just sitting here waiting for the president to show up and throw down some crazy Kenyan slang, on account of he never has to run for office again, and finally has that “flexibility” he was telling the Russians about, to just… to just be himself. READ MORE »
MAKE THE COWBOY ROBOTS CRY 12:49 am November 7, 2012
Live-Blog, The Fab Fifth: Mitt’s Concession Speech And/Or The Meltdown Of His Circuitry
Well, here’s one tiny bit of good news for Mitt Romney: one of your Comics Curmudgeon’s Facebook friends who’s a designer for an events company says Mitt’s set is much nicer than Barack’s. So glad we get to look at it, while he talks about how he lost! Let’s watch him sputter out his last public speech we’ll ever have to care about. Live-blog-time!
BRAVE SIR DONALD RAN AWAY 12:28 am November 7, 2012
GOP Superhero Donald Trump Calls For Revolution, Changes Mind
You saw it happen, folks. You sat on your big butt and you watched Barack Obama, who was not born in America, steal the election — again — so that he can ruin the country and impose sharia law.
He had four years to impose his evil Muslim ways, and he didn’t, but that’s not evidence of ANYTHING, and we are still in grave danger.
Thank goodness a brave, brave patriot like Donald Trump is around to point us in the right direction, by bravely tweeting that we should have a “revolution!” and then bravely deleting those tweets. READ MORE »
WE'RE GONNA MAKE HIM STAY UP ALL NIGHT 11:14 pm November 6, 2012
Livebloggenning the Election, Episode 4 More Years: Return Of The Jedi President
Say, did we mention that we really, REALLY like saying “Senator-Elect Elizabeth Warren”? It’s an awfully good phrase, don’t you think?
Here we are at the fourth installment of this marathon, and Virginia, Ohio, and Florida are all still in “godknowswhat” status. See our earlier rundowns: Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3. And for godssakes, if you’re in Los Angeles, get your butt to the Wonkette Party!
11:15 MSNBC CALLS OHIO AND THE ELECTION FOR OBAMA READ MORE »
TALKING TO EMPTY CHAIRS 10:56 pm November 6, 2012
Why Are You Not Partying With Your Editirx In Glamorous Los Angeles, Right Now?
PEOPLE! We just heard from your Editrix, who is at her party at Busby’s East! This is at 5364 Wilshire Blvd., in Los Angeles, as if you don’t know. (323) 525-2615 is the phone number. Anyway she is “making new friends” which based on past antics might have wacky consequences. So go join her, for fun! She is the pretty one, above! Just show up and make an introduction! They’ll be fun! And we think there’s free beer? Don’t quote us on this. (Go ahead and quote us.) There will be no better place to be when Barry wins (or loses!) then with fellow Wonketteers. Do it!
WE ARE STILL HERE SEND MOUNTAIN DEW 10:14 pm November 6, 2012
Wonking Your Face Off: The Live-Bloog Experience, Part III
AAAAAND WE’RE BACK! Hello, Wonketteers, and welcome to our election-night orgy of zingers and Wolf Blitzer insults. We have broken it up into hour-long posts, to prevent these things from getting too long and unwieldy. We don’t have those fancy tools like the New York Times, which, for what it’s worth, has been not working for, like, a while on election night.
Part 1, from the Good Doktor, is still around, as is Part 2, from the Kaia Mursi.
OK OK enough nonsense, let’s get to the bloog! READ MORE »
FOX NOOZ 9:59 pm November 6, 2012
Oh How Cute, Fox is Suddenly Worried About “Media Bias” and its Impact on Democracy
Apparently there are “new questions” about the role of the media 2012 race! What kind of questions? Well, the kind Fox Nooz asks, like: why does the media insist on pointing out all the lies that come out of Mitt Romney’s mouth? And: why do they have to call constant attention to the fact that Gingrich is a womanizing scumbag? Yes, those kinds of questions.
READ MORE »
