Earlier today I brought you the news that Tony Danza and Tupac Shakur were pen pals, which I declared to be “the greatest story of all-time.” Well that has now been officially confirmed, because in the comments of that post, AST69 posted a link to a YouTube video of Tupac — apparently on the set of the video for “California Love” — discussing his friendship with the Who’s the Boss? star. The video contains this quote, which I consider to be important because I sat here and watched it like nine times and, sure enough, each time these words actually came out of Tupac Shakur’s mouth:

“I’m Tony Danza ALL DAY. Nobody can’t say nothing bad about Tony Danza, Taxi, or Who’s the Boss?, nothing he did … I’ll start swingin’.”

Today is amazing.

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Lindsay, she done done it again. Early this morning, the past, present, and future Cady Heron, for I refuse to think of her as anyone else, was arrested in New York City for hitting a pedestrian then fleeing the scene. Lohan: 71; Bynes: 70. After hearing about the incident, I headed over to Lohan’s IMDb page, for reasons involving needing to know what her trademarks are (oh, freckles!), and noticed that back in 1992, she made her first credited TV appearance: as “Trick-or-Treater Dressed as Garbage” on Late Night with David Letterman.

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This is the greatest story of all-time.

“I was trying to make a point that since he had five bullets holes in him and he was in jail and he’s the same guy that wrote ‘Dear Mama’ and did all those great acting roles, I said, ‘Maybe there is a better way to do this. Maybe, I know you can’t be a goodie two-shoes in your business, but maybe there is a way to inspire kids,” Tony [Danza] said, recalling his exchange with Tupac while he was behind bars in 1995.

“I said, ‘Because you have such a great influence, responsibility comes with that,” Tony continued. “He wrote me back [and said], ‘Thanks for understanding me.’”

Eventually the unlikely pair became pen pals and many more letters followed. [Access Hollywood]

OK, a few thoughts:

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The second episode of season five of Sons of Anarchy didn’t give us the pit-in-your-stomach revulsion that last week’s gruesome episode gave us, but there was a lot of movement, some of it necessary, and some of it oddly timed. There was a wedding; no one died; and SAMCRO saw the return of a very crucial member. Let’s get to the highlights.

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Last night was one of those nights where you look forward to 11pm est just to see how the Daily Show would handle a news item. It didn’t disappoint.

For instance, here’s Jon Stewart on Mitt Romney — who I’m convinced history will remember forever as “Money Boo Boo” – last night: “This is a guy whose religion forbids him from drinking alcohol. Can you imagine what he would say if he was sh*tfaced?” The Daily Show also dug up a clip of Romney’s mom explaining how his dad had once been on welfare, “so according to Mitt Romney’s own logic, Mitt Romney could not win the vote of his dad, who would be among the 47%.”

Yeah, I’m just gonna go ahead and get out of the way and let Stewart and his team take over…

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Like any good story, this one begins with a professional skateboarder waking up in the middle of the night to find a woman masturbating on his bedroom floor before climbing into his bed. This happened to Bam Margera, best known for appearing on Jackass and Viva La Bam on MTV, who then called the cops on his lady friend.

According to law enforcement sources, Bam told police the 24-year-old woman woke him up in his Pennsylvania home by kissing him — completely in the buff — and Bam freaked…throwing the girl off him and dialing 911. And here’s where it gets really insane — according to law enforcement sources, while Bam was on the phone with cops, he claims the girl dropped to the floor and started to masturbate.

After Bam hung up, we’re told he kicked the girl out of his house — still completely naked. (Via)

We have a picture of the girl, too.

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Two days ago, Josh brought you Sofia Vergara’s “bouncy” workout video, and now Buzzfeed has dug up her first commercial, for Pepsi. Between those two videos, you might notice some discrepancies in the upper body region, which may answer your question: Are they real?

Check out the video after the links.

5 Things Ashton Kutcher Would Probably Rather Do Than Make Out With Mila Kunis — (UPROXX)

Here’s The Actor Not Named Bill Murray Who Will Be Playing Jeff Winger’s Dad On ‘Community’ — (Warming Glow)

Classic Armond White: Praising Resident Evil by bashing Scorsese, The Master — (Film Drunk)

Slayer Sports News: Slayer Reacts To Slayer Being Mentioned On Sports — (With Leather)

Two Chris Hemsworths? We’re Seeing Double In ‘Thor: The Dark World’ Set Pictures — (Gamma Squad)

QoTD: Do You Take An Electronic Device To The Bathroom? — (Smoking Section)

A Very Jay Cutler Encounter With Jay Cutler — (Kissing Suzy Kolber)

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So You Think You Can Dance? (FOX) – Two-hour season finale, featuring a performance by Carly Rae Jepsen. I made fun of this show last week, but then I found this picture on Tumblr so maybe I rushed to judgment a little bit on that one.

Sons of Anarchy (FX) – I have thought about this for a while and I have decided that it would be hilarious if they filmed a musical episode of this show and didn’t tell anybody about it until it aired. Everybody would be all “YES. OWNAGE” and then Jax would start singing a song about his motorcycle and people’s heads would just explode.

Late Show With David Letterman (CBS) – Letterman gets bumped up to the listings proper because his guest is President Obama. This seems like a pretty reasonable exception to make on my part.

Go On/The New Normal/Parenthood (NBC) – Brett Gelman is on Go On. Please consider this your periodic reminder that his bit about the iBrain on the “Comedy Bang Bang” podcast is one of the funniest things ever. (Posted below, and very, very NSFW.)

Best in TV: The Greatest TV Shows of Our Time With Barbara Walters (ABC) – FRANKLIN & BASH OR GTFO, BROS.

White Collar/Covert Affairs (USA) – These are the “mid-season finales,” which is kind of stupid because Covert Affairs comes back in literally four weeks. Meanwhile, the second half of the fifth season of Breaking Bad doesn’t start until next summer. Pretty cool… NOT. (NOTE: I am bringing back “not” jokes.)

LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Richard Gere and Josh Radnor on Kimmel; John Goodman and Melissa Ethridge on Ferguson; Justin Timberlake and Steve Nash on Leno (I almost bumped this up, too, because HOLY CRAP Timberlake and Nash); Jon Cryer, Taraji P. Henson, and Nelly Furtado on Fallon; and Chris Colfer, Adam Scott and Nikki Glaser on Conan.

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No one actually thought that Community would be able to snag Bill Murray to play Jeff Winger’s father, as was Dan Harmon’s dream casting choice, but we still convinced ourselves that it could happen. And once that plausible situation happened, Amy Poehler and Will Arnett would remarry, a corgi would be put on the American flag, and Alison Brie would finally start returning your phone calls and agree to that date at In-N-Out Burger.

Sorry, folks, but your in-n-out with Alison ain’t gonna happen: someone else has been cast as Mr. Winger.

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