Mitt Gump
Romney is like a box of chocolates…you never know what you’re going to get.
Binders Full Of Women
Throwing my meme into the ring…
Money Money Money
My Only…
…post of 2011. Barely got it in under the wire. Gotta get my shit together next year.
IncompetenSe
I figure I should start the new year out right by writing a post to my blog that it probably appeared I’d abandoned. I’m going to blame my absence on the Facebook status update, which is really a much easier way to vent my frustrations.
In the time since my last post, the four year anniversary of my blog came and past. One thing that hasn’t changed in four years is that I still think people are idiots. In fact, they seem to be getting better at it.
One annoyance I’ve been dealing with involves my phone. I had to buy a new one a couple months ago and it’s been one hassle after another ever since. Just to give you an idea of what I’ve been dealing with, the first time I attempted to call the store where I bought it, the line was busy for half an hour. I didn’t even know the busy signal still existed but I was particularly surprised that a phone store lacked the technology to avoid it.
I later had to go into my local Verizon store and endured the opposite problem. The phone kept ringing and ringing. On the third extended ringing session, another customer and I exchanged annoyed glances so I knew I wasn’t the only one bothered by it. I went near the service desk and asked, “Does anybody hear that ringing?” Nothing. They clerks didn’t even look up at me. So I decided to take advantage of my apparent stealth status and picked up the receiver and then hung it up. I figured a pissed off customer on the phone was better than 10 in the store.
I don’t expect everybody to excel at their job but is it asking to much that people exhibit a minimal level of competence? You don’t have to be the pilot that can make a perfect water landing but you should at least be paying enough attention that you don’t overshoot your destination by a couple hundred miles. You don’t have to be the secret service agent who jumps in front of a bullet but you shouldn’t allow entry to the White House to be easier than entry to the corner dive bar.
My hope for 2010 isn’t that people work harder or longer, just better.
The End Of The Roman Holiday
Cheers to the Swiss police for arresting director Roman Polanski when he flew into town for the Zurich Film Festival. You’d think that after 31 years on the lam, there would be two things he’d know to do before traveling abroad: check the weather and check the country’s extradition policy. So either he overestimated the neutrality of the Swiss or he shares the same delusions of invincibility as O.J. Simpson. Or maybe he knew about the threat but, being a showbiz dude, he just couldn’t resist accepting some meaningless recognition. Hopefully Kanye West was there to jump in and let everybody know who really deserved that award.
I’m happy about the arrest because he’s a child molester who never should have had the opportunity to jump bail. People usually consider child molesters the worst of the worst but it seems that if you can make a good flick or do a fancy moonwalk, any sort of inappropriate behavior with children is ignored.
I’m not one who thinks the legal age of consent should always be the standard; frankly, there are some 16-year-olds who have the maturity of an adult and plenty of 30-year-olds who don’t. But legally AND biologically, a 13-year-old is a child. No matter how anybody wants to color this particular situation, the fact is he drugged a child and raped her.
I hope he gets his comeuppance and spends his remaining years in jail. He should consider himself fortunate that he was able to enjoy a rather glamorous life for the last three decades instead of doing his time as a pretty young thing eyed by a dirty old cellmate.
Health Care, Not Health I Don’t Care
"It's just a flesh wound." I'm not sure if it was Monty Python or an HMO who made that call.
I think it’s time for me to finally weigh in with my expert opinion on the health care issue. I’m comfortable calling myself an expert on the topic because it’s evident that a person doesn’t need to know anything about the facts of the proposed health care to be considered an authority. And actually, the crazier you sound and the more wildly you distort the facts, the better your chances are of getting your own show on Fox.
Specifically, I want to address the issue of whether the government should provide free/affordable health care. OF COURSE IT SHOULD. And not just health care insurance, our government should make adequate health care available to its citizens for free. It doesn’t have to be great– the waiting rooms can have hard seats and 20-year-old issues of Highlights– but it should get the job done.
There are two major complaints I hear about the health care issue. The first is that the U.S. can’t afford it. The government provides free education, free security, free legal services and even free room and board if you’re so inclined to rob a bank or have a few ounces of pot in your possession (though it’s only short-term housing if you molest a child). Why should health care be some sort of luxury?
"Can somebody spot me bus fare to Canada?"
The fact is, the United States is rich but we spend like a rapper after his first hit single. Our nation sends billions of dollars in aid to other countries each year, let’s start helping out the people at home. Perhaps some smaller examples of how we spend our money will put it into perspective. Early this year, our government spent over $300K to fly Air Force One low through New York City, scaring the crap out of everybody, for a stupid photo op. Apparently nobody at the Pentagon knows they could have accomplished the same thing with Photoshop for a total cost of about $500.
Even more recently, Los Angeles spent $1.4 million of taxpayer dollars on the Michael Jackson memorial. Concert promoter AEG donated the $90K it earned from the event to the city and do you think that money will offset the cost? Nope. It’s going toward a $620K memorial wall to fallen L.A. police officers. That’s not a typo. It’s a brass wall that costs over half a million dollars. A Facebook group dedicated to the officers costs nothing and would probably attract more visitors. If that’s not enough, perhaps the city could instead give $620K cash to the fallen officer’s families so they can afford the private health care insurance they probably lost when their husband/wife/parent died.
It seems like on the rare occasion when the government does make cuts, I’m the one who gets screwed. I recently reported for jury duty and during orientation I learned it was Juror Appreciation Week. I immediately reached under my seat hoping to feel a key but then I heard those unfortunate words, “Due to cutbacks…” You know what they gave us? A mechanical pencil. And they didn’t even give it to us until the end of the day because apparently they were afraid too many people would show up for jury duty to score that free fucking pencil.
The second complaint I hear a lot about the health care issue is sort of a variation on the first. It’s the ‘ol “Why should my money go toward other people’s health insurance? Maybe they should get jobs that pay better” argument. Anybody who feels that way should take it upon themselves to force people out of their cushy minimum wage jobs. Stop supporting establishments that pay their employees substandard wages and stop employing Juanita who cleans your house for six hours for 50 bucks. Force businesses to bump up their pay rates so their employees can afford to purchase their own health insurance without government assistance. Once that happens, you can wash that $20 Big Mac down with a $10 coke, satisfied with the knowledge that your tax dollars aren’t being spent to cover someone else’s health insurance.
Green Day: Los Angeles
"This is a fucking rock 'n' roll show, not a tea party. You listen to Coldplay on your own fucking time!"
I’m a little slow in recapping Tuesday night’s show at the Forum because the intense contact high from massive amounts of weed is just wearing off. The scent is to be expected at a concert for a band who derived their name from smoking bud all day but the kids really outdid themselves in their pot consumption for Green Day’s final U.S. tour stop.
The evening got off to a bad start for me. When I purchased the tickets a few months ago, I did so as soon as they went on sale and selected “best available.” The two tickets that popped up appeared to be killer seats just to the side of the stage so I snatched them up but on closer inspection I realized they were actually in the upper section. So I made another attempt and picked up a floor ticket.
A lucky kid sings "Longview."
Because of my Green Week tour, I was a bit slow about unloading the extra tickets so the night before the show I offered them to my brother and his wife and he turned them down. So in the recent past both my brother and sister have declined Green Day tickets, my mom and aunt said they didn’t even know who they were and my two nephews (age 6 and 8) refuse to even listen to any music that isn’t by AC/DC or Alice Cooper. I’m down to my dad, older brother and 96-year-old grandpa as the only hopes left in my family.
I tried hustling the tickets in the parking lot but I’m a horrible salesperson under the best of circumstances and when doors opened I wanted to get a decent spot on the floor so I let them go for a painfully low price but thanks to the Phoenix tickets I sold, I still came out ahead for the week.
Billie Joe (sporting a new orange tuft of hair above the left ear) convinces someone to throw their child over the railing.
Venues always say no cameras allowed but at the San Diego show the security guys said they didn’t really care about little digital cameras just not the fancy professional ones. To be on the safe side, I tucked my camera into my cleavage and had no problem getting past their pat down, which consisted of a finger slide down the sides of the arms and legs. Since I had a seat at the Phoenix show I didn’t bring the camera but I put it in my familiar spot for the L.A. show. I couldn’t believe it when the security lady pressed her hand between my breasts. I was quite literally busted! With no other reasonable hiding places on my body, I had to make the long haul back to my car and settle for taking pictures with my camera phone instead.
I squeezed into a spot about 15 feet from the stage right next to a couple with their 8-year-old son. I warned them that the surge when Green Day took the stage would be really intense so they needed a little barrier around the boy. When the kid heard I’d been to other shows this week, he asked if they played “She.” “She” is an old song they always play but I was surprised he’d even heard of it. It turned out this wasn’t a situation where the parents dragged the kid to the show but the other way around. Needless to say, I rather liked the kid at that point and signed up for security detail on his behalf.
The drunk, horny bunny breaks into "YMCA".
Just as the drunk bunny finished up his set signaling that the show was about to start, two bitches shoved their way through the crowd, knocking into a bunch of us, including the kid. I yelled, “Hey! Watch it!” and one shot a few insults my way. At that point, a sizable amount of my drink may have accidentally spilled on her. Probably noticing that I was a good four inches taller than her, she moved a few paces away from me and then punched me a couple times on the arm. Then she tried to make a dash through the crowd and somehow some of her long hair got caught in my tight hand grip. I know, I know. It was all stupid and immature and I’m not usually the scrapper type but their shoving really pissed me off, especially where Green Day’s mini fan base was concerned.
Obviously I didn't take this picture but I thought Billie Joe's stage dive was too cool not to include it. I love that everybody seems more concerned with getting a picture of him than of actually catching him.
My joy over the little tyke waned as I and a couple others really did seem like we were on duty to protect the kid and I was disappointed that he didn’t want to go onstage for a very cool stunt during “East Jesus Nowhere.” Luckily the family hightailed it after about half an hour and I was able to bounce to my heart’s content.
I was actually satisfied being farther back than I was at the San Diego show because I wasn’t crushed against people. But when a group of guys finished moshing leaving a large gap on the floor that wasn’t filled by the people in front of me, I couldn’t resist a little “Excuse me, please” as I passed them to move forward to within a couple feet of the stage. As I mentioned in the San Diego blog, I watched the end of that show from the back of the pit so it was cool to be up close this time around.
One of the coolest moments was when Billie Joe took a stage dive with his guitar into the crowd, a risky move among a pack of rabid fans. Watching the panicked scurrying of the security team as they got him back up within seconds was rather amusing.
Finale time-- Lights, explosions and a ton of Green Day rolling papers for the crowd.
The show was again mostly the same. I was disappointed that I never got to hear three of my favorite songs off their new album (“Horseshoes and Handgrenades,” “Viva la Gloria!” and “Peacemaker”) but I was thrilled during the L.A. encore that Billie Joe played an acoustic version of “Macy’s Day Parade,” which I never thought I’d hear live.
I figured I should get a picture of it before it disappears along with the pick I got at a Metallica concert and the lei I got at a Depeche Mode concert.
But the absolute coolest moment of my whole tour came after the show ended. Billie Joe had just finished “Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)” which is always the last song so I turned to leave when I noticed a commotion from the crowd. Drummer Tré Cool had run back onstage and threw his drumsticks into the crowd. The insane scramble to grab them left about a dozen of us on our butts. As I stood back up, I saw a drumstick underneath me and snatched it up! It’s even got the groove marks on it (which I stupidly thought were teeth marks at first). As exciting as it was at the moment, I later realized it’s just one more piece of crap that I have no use for but can’t throw away. Maybe someday my nephews will wise up and appreciate Green Day and I’ll pass it on to them after I become that asshole who brings the kiddies to one of their concerts. And I totally would because a Green Day concert is an incredible experience and I would be thrilled to be able to share it with them.
My Green Day photo album (more pics and videos to come soon).
Green Day: Phoenix
I pimped out my ride for the occasion.
Phoenix was the second stop on my whirlwind Green Week tour. About 30 seconds after I arrived at the venue I ran into one of the guys I’d talked with in line and on the floor at the San Diego show (so I’m not the only Green Day stalker–one woman told me she’d been to 12 Green Day concerts just this summer)! I was immediately embarrassed that I was wearing mostly the same outfit I’d worn to the previous show until I noticed he still had his wristband on, a clear indication that he is way too young for his body to have been pressed so intimately close to mine in the mobbed pit.
As I mentioned before, I sold my floor tickets in lieu of my very first seat at a Green Day concert but it was in the upper section. Before the show started, I walked into the arena and started chatting with Jerry the usher. After a few minutes he asked where my seat was and I pointed up. He suggested I come back just before Green Day took the stage so I headed off to the lounge and tossed back a Dookie, which is probably the worst name ever for a cocktail (though much tastier than the name suggests). I returned to my buddy Jerry who pointed me toward the VIP row with cushy seats, monitors and a table right off the side of the stage– score! With a place to put my purse and drink and plenty of room to dance, I had no complaints about not being crushed on the floor.
The set list was mostly the same as was the timing of the explosions so I didn’t crap myself every time I heard one. The most noticeable difference in the lineup was in the encore. At the San Diego show they played a great song that I didn’t recognize. I looked it up afterward and found out it’s an unreleased song called “Drama Queen” that they’ve only performed a couple of times so it was a treat to get to hear it and I’m glad I shot some video of it (albeit a bit shaky):
At the Phoenix show, one of the encore songs was “Jesus of Suburbia,” a nine minute tune that I love and never thought I’d get to hear live again. Singer Billie Joe picked a guy from the audience to play lead guitar for it and he actually did a good job. Like the three or four other people brought on stage at each show, he ended his rock star fantasy moment with a stage dive into the crowd. I’m sure the people directly in front of center stage weren’t so thrilled were their roles in the fantasies.
With two shows down and one to go, I’m already lamenting the fact that they weren’t spaced farther apart. I feel such inspiration (not to mention, perspiration) after seeing Green Day. They’re brilliant artists who put on a top notch show. Tuesday’s concert at the Forum may be the last time I see them for awhile so I’ll just have to take in every second and ride that post-show high as long as I can.
My Green Day photo album (more pics and videos to come soon).
Green Day: San Diego
Billie Joe Armstrong tells the crowd, "This isn't tv. Get on your fucking feet."
Then he proceeds to sit down.
My Green Week tour kicked off in San Diego last night. I arrived early to find the General Admission Floor line was already about 500 deep. As I took my place at the end, a girl walked up to her friends in front of me and said she’d accidentally bought an extra ticket (idiot count: 1) and “that’s a waste of 50 bucks” (after fees, tickets were 60 bucks. Idiot count: 2). Two seconds later, a guy walked past the line yelling, “Anybody have a ticket? I need a ticket.” She was completely oblivious (idiot count: 3). Since it’s apparently my job to keep track of all the conversations within 20 feet, I butted in and said, “Didn’t I hear you say you have an extra ticket? That guy wants to buy one.” She turned and responded to him and he offered her 30 bucks for her ticket. I couldn’t believe the balls on the guy offering such a ridiculously low amount for a floor ticket. But then she excitedly said, “Sure!” (idiot count: 1 million). I was about to inform her that she could probably get a couple hundred bucks for the ticket but she seemed so pleased with the deal that got her half of what she paid for the ticket that it didn’t seem right to side with the idiot over the lucky bastard.
Bille Joe gives me the evil eye...
...then attempts to drop a Dookie on my head.
Despite the long line, I had no problem finding a place on the floor within several feet of the stage but I had to commit to it through the one hour before opening band Franz Ferdinand took the stage and the other hour until Green Day finally came out. Soon after they started I was able to move even closer as parents in front of me tried to escape the mob scene with their small children because I guess there was no way for them to predict that would be a really really bad situation for kids.
Tré Cool and Jason Freese
Billie Joe Armstrong and Mike Dirnt
I was even closer to the stage than I’d been for the Wiltern show four years agobut being a stadium performance, this had the hot blasts from pyrotechnics combined with greater crowding to leave me drenched in sweat. I got a little respite when singer Billie Joe Armstrong sprayed the crowd with a monstrous water gun but then some big guys started slam dancing and after two hours I couldn’t take it anymore and had to escape for a little air. I missed a couple songs and when I returned had to take a spot at the back of the pit, which was still only about 30 feet from the stage but it seemed like a mile considering I’d been close enough to read Billie Joe’s tattoos a little while earlier.
The calisthenics portion of the show with toe touches...
...And Tai Chi.
All in all, it was another fabulous Green Day concert– lots of special effects, crowd work and great music. They played about six songs from their new album (though not my favorite, “Viva la Gloria!”), about five from “American Idiot” and a few songs from each of their other albums for a performance that lasted almost three hours. Tomorrow night is the Phoenix show where I have a reserved seat and even though I’ll be a lot farther from the stage, my legs and sweat glands will probably appreciate it.
Green Week
Anybody who knows me well knows I love Green Day. Except my mom, who recently said she’d never heard of them (even though she claims to read my blog) and when I played a couple of their most famous tunes on my phone, she just shrugged. So now I’m left wondering if I should even have someone like that in my life. But I digress.
I like Green Day so much that a day just isn’t enough. I need a Green Week, which I’m about to have as I hit up their concerts in three cities. The first stop is San Diego then I’ll go directly to Phoenix where my sister’s family lives. I had offered to take her to the concert there but being the weasel that she is, she waited until after I bought the tickets before telling me she’d be in Vegas over the weekend and “Oh, since you’ll be here, can you watch the kids?” Sure, I’ll watch the kids and I’ll have them cursing like sailors by the end of my stay. To make it worse, I told her Green Day would be in Vegas while she’s there and she suggested she might go but of course I can’t join her because I’ll be watching her kids.
I can’t complain, though, because it actually turned out better this way. Because she canceled, I decided to buy a seat for myself and sold the two floor tickets for just enough to cover my tickets at all three concerts so it’s all good.
The final stop will be here in L.A. at the Forum for which I’m waffling between the seat and floor tickets I have. Clearly I was very excited and indecisive when tickets went on sale but based on how well the Phoenix tickets sold, I’m thinking all these tickets were a wise investment in this economy.
Since Green Day were the inspiration for me starting this blog almost four years ago and many of my early posts were about them, I’m hoping they’ll work their magic again and I’ll be back to regular blogging. In the meantime, let my 21st Century Breakdown commence!
Space Invaders
Um, hello?
In my last post I wondered what could I gripe about in paradise. Naturally, I found something. On my last day I was hanging out on Waikiki beach when a woman set her towel down right next to mine. As you can see from the picture, the proximity of her towel would have been pushing the limits of personal space invasion if she’d been a pal but it was just plain odd for a stranger. Granted, the beach was even more insanely crowded than it was when I lived there (which is why I used to drive a couple miles to another beach even though I lived just two blocks from Waikiki beach) but there was still a good 15 feet of space around me for her to use as her own. To make the situation even better, she then lit up a cigarette. In all fairness, she did ask if it was okay– after about the third puff.
It would be one thing if I were the asshole who plopped down right in her lap and then she started smoking but what kind of person does what she did? A Canadian, that’s who. How do I know she was Canadian? Because I made the mistake of taking off my headset for a quick dip in the water (very quick, with my eyes aimed at my bag the whole time since she was eight inches away from it) and when I returned she took the opportunity to chit chat. I can’t stand small talk with strangers, particularly Canadians because sooner or later they’ll say “about” in their funny little way and I’ll start giggling uncontrollably. I can’t help it, I just do.
As much as I wanted to ask her if she was completely oblivious about her inconsiderate behavior, she was an older lady watching her grandson play in the water and I’m a bit of a softie when it comes to old folks so I let it slide. Or maybe it was just because she was Canadian. It’s like they possess a weird power for avoiding conflict.
Hangin’ Loose
Beachfront at the Grand Hyatt Kauai
At this point, I'm about 95% pina colada.
Yet another endangered species murder/suicide.
I’ve been the worst blogger ever lately. That’s due in part to the fact that I’ve spent most of the last month working on my tan in Florida and Hawaii. Look at these shots from Kauai- what could I possibly find to gripe about here? I’ll be adding more Hawaii pictures to the Photo section soon and maybe one of these days I’ll actually write a meaningful post (in which I’ll probably ponder why I ever left Hawaii). In the meantime, aloha!
