I have a friend, we’ll call him Nate (not his real name), who is a filmmaker.  Nate made an low budget horror film that he’s been trying to sell.  I gave it a look and he did a decent job for the his limited budget.  Not a great job, but a good job.  No stars, obviously, and nothing terribly original, but he chose the horror genre and an equally marketable sub-genre.  Is it sellable?  That’s what he wants to know.  Well…maybe.  He’s not going to get Lionsgate or Miramax to pick it up, but he can probably get a smaller company to take it.  Will they get it into Redbox or Walmart?  Probably not, but there can be life in video on demand – and that’s a big enough arena where he could possibly see a profit (if the distributor doesn’t screw him over).

So, what was the biggest drawback with his film, he wanted to know?  Keep in mind I’m big on constructive criticism, here.  I don’t go to a filmmaker with a complete picture and say “I wish you’d gone this direction with the story….”  If there are little changes that I think are possible, I’ll thrown them out.  I’ll point out issues with the audio that need fixing.  I have no problem with berating bad titles.  I have no problem telling a filmmaker he really needs to cut 20 minutes from the picture to make it tighter.   This is a surprisingly common issue among first-time filmmakers…they spend all this time writing, then all this time shooting, then all this time editing a scene and have so much invested at that point they can’t bring themselves to cut it.  But I digress…there are plenty of problems with virtually all indy films, but only a handful are even worth mentioning since the vast majority are beyond repair.  Nate’s biggest problem was, fortunately, an easy one – his poster sucks balls!  It’s terrible.  The thing that bothers me the most is that there’s no way any person wouldn’t know this…but I see it ALL the time.
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A filmmaker wrote me a few days ago.  The producer (a first-timer, I’m sure) emailed me with an inquiry in regards to her film which was just completed.  I followed the link to the website to learn a bit more about the project.

The site looked slick, sharp and professionally done.  Always a good start.  It’s amazing how many filmmakers fuck this up right out of the gate.  It shouldn’t be hard to fathom that most people are going to equate “shitty website = shitty film”.  Most websites suck and were put together by a filmmaker with no graphic artist skills who spent a few hours reading up on Wed Design 101 – and it shows.   Last week another producer wrote me about another film.  His site was set up like a novel where you click to flip through the pages.  Each page (actually 2 since it was like a book) was accompanied by the sound effect of pages turning and a sound byte from the movie.  Very annoying actually and not easily navigatable.  The visitor had to view the pages in the order the web designer set them up whether he wanted to or not.  The problem…it was a 52 page “book”.  I didn’t even make it half way.  Why does your film need 52 pages to get a distributor hooked?  I don’t want to see 300 stills from the film.

This latest filmmaker had a nice looking site, so their first check was in the positive box.  Their first BIG negative was their title.  As I’m always careful not to throw people under the bus, I won’t tell you the actual name of the film, but there was a equal sign and a squared sign in the title.  Yes, in the fucking title.  As an example (not the actual title), it was something like Lovers = (Friends)2…  I don’t even know how to type a squared symbol in my blog program!
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A filmmaker, Joel (not his real name) approached me this week about this project.  This happens often and I’m always willing to hear people out.  If you’ve been following my posts, this is the guy who shot a film about 5 years ago that still isn’t finished…seems they’ve been working on audio forever.  It took Wagner 26 years to complete his The Ring cycle of operas, so maybe 5 years to finish post on a film isn’t so bad.

Joel has three projects he’s pushing.  The main one is a comedy set to be shot in Canada.  One the surface, it looks pretty good, aside from being a comedy…  With a $2.5m budget, taking advantage of Canadian tax credits and incentives, only $900k is actually needed to make the film.  Not bad.  The script is by Harland Williams.  Don’t be embarrassed if you don’t know the name, but you’d recognize him as a comedian and character actor.  I recognize him from my days as a blackjack dealer at the Hard Rock where the cheap bastard played at my table for 2 hours, won over $800 and tipped me $1.50.  That’s right – $1.50.  What a piece of shit.  Like all areas of life, we remember the great and the shitty, the big tippers (Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, Keifer Sutherland) as well as the cheap bastards and assholes (Louis Gossett Jr, Jennifer Lopez, Tiger Woods, Harland Williams).  But I digress…
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I just got an email from Henry, the indy filmmaker going into production in a few weeks.  Just when I thought his cast couldn’t get any more impressive with Traci Lords and James Franco’s mom (see below), he’s locked down…wait for it…Karen Black!  No shit!  How you land Karen Black on a film without a studio budget is a puzzlement to me…but exactly the opposite.

Now, he did point out that she’s an Academy Award nominee.  He didn’t have to remind me that her nomination took place before I was born.  Please know, I’m not trying to demean Karen Black in any way; she was in some great films a long time ago.  I just have to shake my head that a producer/director can think that getting an actress that has been out of the spotlight for decades is a big deal…or even a medium deal.  In fact, how can he think it’s anything but a small deal.  Actually, is there a smaller word for “deal” itself so I can accurately describe my thoughts on this?

So, I’m sure it’s surprising to him, but I’m still no impressed enough with the cast to put money into his project.  Now, maybe, if he writes me next week that he’s locked down Bob Saget’s gardener…

Surprisingly, it seems I do have at least one friend who appreciates my advice and the fact that I’ve been involved in this industry for a while.  Perhaps he’s the only one, but he’s surprisingly willing to admit that I know something of what I’m talking about when it comes to filmmaking and selling films.  (How I fooled him, I don’t know…)

This friend, Randy (not his real name), has made one film to date.  Actually, he’s made one very good film to date.  For having a very small budget, he did a wonderful job.  I’m impressed and I don’t give out that accolade lightly.  He put together a hell of a cast and crew and delivered a project that’s solid in every respect.  Recently finished, I have no doubt he’ll get it out there…I’d even be very surprised if it didn’t turn a profit…I just hope the distributor he’s working with doesn’t screw him.

So, he’s developing a new project and wanted some advice.  Actually, now that I think about, maybe he didn’t want advise at all, maybe he just wanted to share with me his ideas for the new project, but it ended up in advice from me.  Lots of it, in fact.  He’s stepping up his budget and wants to do a comedy for the next project.  Right out of the gate, I warned him that, all things being equal, not the best genre to start with.  Comedy is very tough to pull off.  Everything thinks they have a sense of humor and are funny; very few people actually are.  Even those who are often fall on their faces when it comes to making a film.  But Randy wasn’t remotely deterred.  ”We have an amazing script!”  Okay, I told him I’d take a look.
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I received  a call a couple of weeks ago from a local actor who is trying to put a film together.  His name is Tommy (not his real name) and he’s one of the stars of a local film that’s been wallowing in post production for years.  The thing is, I saw a trailer for the film he’s in probably three years ago or more.  It looked like they did a very nice job with a limited budget.  Shot on the Red camera, it seemed slick and impressive.  Of course…the more years that pass, the less impressive it seems it has to be.  I recently reached out to the producer.  I wanted to know if the film would be done in time for the 2012 American Film Market.  I mean, since he missed 2011, 2010, 2009 and 2008 market, I thought he might be inspired to hit the 5 anniversary show celebrating the wrap of this picture.  I also figured, maybe, I could get a look at the film to see if it is something my company could handle.  His response was “We’re still working on sound”.  Yep, that was the same reason (does “excuse” sound too negative?) I’ve been hearing for years.  It probably doesn’t matter to me, because first time filmmakers, be it producers, directors or actors, are living in a fantasy land of sorts.  I can say that, because when I was a first time filmmaker I was guilty of exactly the same thing.  The reality is, this producer, I’m sure, is still adamant that he’s going to sell his film for more than they have into it.  Whether that’s an advance against even more obscene profits the film is sure to bring, or an outright sale putting them comfortably in the black, he is no doubt convinced this is going to be his foray into successful filmmaking and open all kinds of doors.  Again, I know, I was there.  Now, granted, I haven’t seen the film, but the reality is, I don’t have to.  I mean, not really.  I know roughly what they have into the film, probably around $200k.  And I know what they might, MIGHT get out of a distribution deal.  If someone will advance them $50k, they should take the money, but if an offer along those lines comes in early, I assure the producer will hold out a few months until he realized “it aint’ gettin’ any better”.  At that point, maybe that deal will still be there, maybe it won’t.  Of course, the odds of getting even that $50k deal are slim, but maybe they slowing playing (and I mean REALLY slow playing) a greay indy film.  Of course, odds are against that as well.  Regardless of the deal, I hope they talk to some people who have been through the process or their contract will ensure they get fucked over as that’s the rule, not the exception in this game.  My guess is, egos will prevails and producers will be convinced they’re smart enough to decipher the contract themselves.  Good luck with that…
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The latest film I’m involved with is now done.  My role was Executive Producer coming on board late in the production with money, so the real credit for the project belongs to the cast and crew which did a wonderful job on a limited budget.  My hats off to producer Roland Zagonyi and actors Danny Trejo, Steven Bauer, Oscar Torre and Camila Banus for their outstanding work.  And a big congratulations to Alvaro Orland who co-wrote, producer and starred in the film and put in a stellar performance.

Seems my John Carter box office prediction was off by a mere $5.7 million as the domestic haul came in at just under $71 million.  If we start with the $250m price tag and add what was probably $50-$100m in marketing and subtract the exhibitors fees…it’s official!!!  -  John Carter is a colossal flop!

Who would have thought?..aside from EVERYONE!

I have a friend, and by friend I mean acquaintance.  Kyle (not his real name) is a filmmaker here in Las Vegas.  We met many years ago when I was working on my first film, “Impact.”  Clearly a movie buff and fascinated by the business, Kyle kept in touch with me over the years and finally got around to tackling his own feature a couple of years ago.  In case you haven’t figured it out, yet, this story isn’t going to end well.

Kyle would occasionally check in with me over the years to hear about what I was up to, but when he was ready to make his first film, I started hearing from him a bit more as he had a lot of questions.  The fact that he knew he didn’t know everything was a good sign.  The fact that he reached out to someone that had been through the process for those answers was also a smart decision.  The fact that I, unlike other people around him, told him the truth instead of what he wanted to hear…well, it seems that may not be what he was hoping for…but I digress.

He made it clear early on that he had no budget to speak of.  And when I say no budget, I mean NO BUDGET. The final production, I was told, cost was around $3000.  Now even finishing a feature is an accomplishment, so my hats off to him for that.  To do it with no money at all, even more so.  The problem is, most creative people have little to no business sense.  Surprisingly many even seem to lack common sense.  Kyle is a prime example of someone creative who has no business handling the business side of this industry.
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At the American Film Market last November, I met a filmmaker seeking distribution for his small project.  The filmmaker, a Pakistani doctor here in the U.S., recently finished his second micro-budget production which is a Pakistani-American love story.   Henry, (obviously not his real name, duh!) was hoping we might be interested in handling the film and wanted to set up a meeting with me toward the end of the show.  By the time I had met with him, he had already made a deal with another company.  This did not break my heart.  As expected, he was very excited about how excited the company was handling the film.  As I often do, I started asking the (almost rhetorical) questions that I offer up to anyone in his situation, though I already knew the answers.  ”Are you getting an advance or guarantee of any kind?”  None.  ”What kind of expenses are they allowed to charge again the production?”  He didn’t know.  Etc. Etc.

Being the nice, unappreciated guy that I am, I offered to look over the contract for him and give him my thoughts.  I gave him the usual warnings about how most distributors will screw over the filmmaker and it couldn’t hurt to have a third party with experience offer some insight.  And once again…he never took me up on it.  Okay, so now that part of the story was behind me.
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