Ladies that are fat ladies that are skinny
Ladies that are all night on my jimmy
Ladies that won't charge me a buck fiddy
Just wanna get with me cuz I'm so pretty
Bitties who wanna bite off a lil sumpn
Best part's the top like a drew barry muffin
Bittie's that wanna turn on their love oven
And cook up a caserole of stove top stuffin
Don't stop the suckin cuz you're filled with my gumption
take care of my beaker cuz I'm honeydew bunsen
Got ya jonesin for my potion, got my finger on the button
That's why mc be struttin
Wish I could erase this erection
Honey's comin at me from every direction
Lookin for the love connection
Stinky, sweaty, sexin without protection
So line up the contestants
I'll open their drawers like the kid in the sixth sense
I won't persist this distance, gotta get up in this
She fuckin up my christmas
chorus
Fuckin up my christmas is a new way of saying fuckin up my shit
This is not so much a holliday oriented song
As it is an exclamation of dismay at the sight of a beautiful woman
She fuckin up my christmas biznitch
Catchin glimpses in tiny tid bits
I was fine till you was in my bizness
With you're volleyball booty and you're frilly pink tits
Yo what up wit dis, it mc chris
"M" in my name stand for monolith
No that's not a lisp, you're a finalist
Here's a sash for that ass it says dominance
now, here's my hotel key and some common sense
get up to my suite or you're incompetent
do you wanna be a winner or the opposite?
So lick them lips, drop them shits
And step on it.
chorus
Your here, in the boys bathroom good, your actually a little early. Sorry im very punctual, sorry. Alright get over here! Ahhh! You little geek! Oh no your forcing me into the stall! Thats correct hahaha! Oh no your sticking my head into the toilet water! Thats precisely what im doing! Now your flushing, oh god its so embarrassing! And now let me tell you what im going to do. No. Im gonna smash your head into the side of the stall. Oh you wouldnt! Until it goes all the way through the stall, creating a glory hole. A glory hole? Then your gonna go around to the other side and im gonna stick my cock anonamously through the glory hole. Oh no. And if it doesnt get sucked I dont know what im gonna do.
Chorus: Stop pickin on me. Because I'm a geek. I'm strange to you. You're strange to me. Well, one of these days. I'm gonna pack heat.
Your brains on the wall. My face, my face on tv.
They dissipate the pungent odor of a power holder.
Sand kickers comin' sixty clicks upon the sonar.
They're gonna fold me over like a trapper keeper folder.
If this was D&D;, you'd see me jump into a portal.
I'm a geek, spelled g double e k.
I meet my boys in the basement about every day.
Card table, comic books, and cans of coke.
That we blow out our nose after a Star Wars joke.
We got style.
Tape on our glasses, zits on our faces and hair on our asses.
Shiny shoes, belt buckles and pocket protectors.
Tricked out back packs like my main man Venkman's.
We got problems, namely the jocks.
The SUV suckers with class rings on their cocks.
Otherwise known as the motherfuckers touchin' the tit.
If I was wolverine, you'd hear my knuckles go snikt.
I'm not perfect, the b4 picture of Peter Parker.
I always trip and drop my tray in front of the girl that always sparkles.
I got brains, fuck B's and C's.
I got a grade point average higher than Hendrix on New Year's Eve.
chorus repeat
Don't fuck with a geek, just 'cause he got a gift.
You get in my way bitch you get a Vulcan neck pinch.
One night I didn't go to sleep, up playin' Risk.
At dawn, I won, got global dominance.
But it in the hallway it's completely different shit.
Can't get my locker open and my pants are always split.
Can't seem to catch a ride, can't ever get a date.
But in my mind 7 of 9 thinks I'm great.
Prom night bites, primadonnas prevail.
I'm at home reciting lines from the Holy Grail.
Stuffed nose, and some swollen glands.
Never, been kissed, never been holding hands.
Just, bust my biscuits over Britney in a bubble bath.
Darth Vader with inhalers, in case my lungs collapse.
The dragon died from a heart attack
You may advance and yo, I upped your armor class.
Being a geek, it aint so bad.
I can't get laid, I got Japanime stashed.
And a mind jam packed with sci-fi facts.
Dreadnoks rocked, Dynobots kick ass.
Verse 1
Is she dope, yep, ass in full effect,
she walks into the room and all the guys come down with strep,
thinkin they can step, their hands go up with sweat,
but she be down with me since fetts vette (jets jets),
shes a hard drinka, a lollypop licka,
a pistol packing mama got me posed like a thinker,
she gold like the Aztecs or is it the incas
she call the shot and the shot be cunnilingus
she heaven sent on the x-box playing halo
wish that she would clean my pipes like she wa draino,
wish she wasnt hotter than a plate of jalapenos,
i feel like the kid, that wants to eat his play dough,
you shouldnt 'cause it should be bad for your health,
take one look at her and you be screamin for help
or call up the police say put me in a cell,
i cant resist this dish im under emilys spell if you couldnt already tell
i love every iota, yoda should have told me she was off to south dakota
one more yacht bird flew the coop I guess old gordy done screwed the pooch
(Chorus)
only thing i love more than herb is the bird but my luck's kinda fucked its a wonder that I flirt but I do and i will 'cause im still just a nerd ever been left behind, let me hear ya say w3rd
Verse 2
Shes a go getter dressed in a sweater
we watched black hawk down together
her name's heather, there's no better, didn't want her to go, but I had to let her
remember hot weather, there I first met her, ellen was saying we should so get together, miss going on dates, girls getting dolled up
Outside the yacht club, cant belive she showed up
scholios chick, one fake tit
always bitin her lip, always walkin with a limp
always talkin shit, always beggin to kiss
'cause you can't resist the lips of an MC Chris
we only had a month to hump it was rough
she was the first one that brought over a tooth brush
she missed home, horses in the barn
life was sucking so kentucky was pulling her arm
just one bird that got away
keep up to date by checkin her LJ
on my birthday she bought me chucks
not only does it blow it totally sucks
(Chorus)
Verse 3
Her name was lb, she was an actress
I filled up her spaces like madlibs
way above average she was just a sad kid
so i couldnt help but give the girl my address
she live in texas like to get messed up
like to tease the boys so she always got dressed up
like to get in fights with the truckers at the rest stop
she was top notch and her bod was the best part
fan of mine summertime droppin' me a line
sounded kinda cute couldnt help but reply
chillin in her pool squintin at the sky
cell phone rings MC says high
so were talking everyday, flirtin up a storm
plans a road trip i say w3rd is born
and my mind's set on porn, and i think im gonna score
I get down on all fours start scrubbin all the floors
then i get all nervous that an accident is imminent,
never have a chance to relax and get intimate
arrives at my drive, I sigh, get all shy
so we all get all high walk down little 5
do a shot buy some pot, take a seat on the street
shes cute and shes nice and shes hot and shes sweet
and she makes the first move 'cause i'm set on defeat
then I tongue lap her flaps till she snaps and she screams
and she just leaves, and im kinda relieved no ODs VDs hearts on my sleeve
not a stalker just a talker ass tight as a weave once a newbie now a groupie double clicking on me -what?
Is she dope? Yep, ass in full effect, she walks into the room and all the guys come down with strep, thinking they can step, their hands get wet with sweat, but she been down with me since Fett's Vette. She's a hard drinker, lollipop licker, pistol packin' mama got me posed like the thinker, she's gold like the Aztecs or is it the Incas, she calls the shot and the shot be cunnilingus. She's heaven sent on the Xbox playing Halo, wish that she would clean my pipes like she was draino, wish she wasn't hotter than a plate of jalapenos, I feel like a kid that wants to eat like it's play-dough, you shouldn't, 'cause that shit be bad for your health, take one look at her and you'll be screaming for help, call up the police, say put me in a cell, I can't resist this dish, I'm under Emily's spell, if you couldn't already tell, I loved every iota, Yoda shoulda told me she was off to South Dakota, one more yacht bird flew the coop I guess old Gordy done screwed the pooch.
Only thing I love more
Than herb is the bird
But my luck's kinda fucked
It's a wonder that I flirt
But I do and I will
'Cause I'm still just a nerd
Ever been left behind
Let me hear ya say word
Only thing I love more
Than herb is the bird
But my luck's kinda fucked
It's a wonder that I flirt
But I do and I will
'Cause I'm still just a nerd
Ever been left behind
Let me hear ya say word
She's a go getter, dressed in sweater, we watched Blackhawk down together, her name's Heather, there's no better, didn't want her to go, but I had to let her, I started a yacht club, can't believe she showed up. Scholiosis chick, one fake tit, always bitin' her lip, always walkin' with a limp, always talkin' shit, always beggin' to kiss 'cause you can't resist the lips of an MC Chris. We only had a month to hump, it was rough, she was the first one that brought over a toothbrush, she missed home, horses in the barn, life was sucking so Kentucky was pulling her arm, just one bird that got away, keep up to date by checking her LJ, on my birthday, she bought me chucks, not only does it blow, it totally sucks.
Only thing I love more
Than herb is the bird
But my luck's kinda fucked
It's a wonder that I flirt
But I do and I will
'Cause I'm still just a nerd
Ever been left behind
Let me hear ya say word
Only thing I love more
Than herb is the bird
But my luck's kinda fucked
It's a wonder that I flirt
But I do and I will
'Cause I'm still just a nerd
Ever been left behind
Let me hear ya say word
Her name was LB
she was an actress
I filled up her
spaces like madlibs
way above average
she was just a sad kid
so I couldn't help
but give the girl my address
she lived in Texas
like to get messed up
like to tease the boys
so she always got dressed up
like to get in fights
with the truckers at the rest stops
she was top notch
and her bod was the best part
fan of mine, summer time
dropping me a line
sounded kinda cute
couldn't help but reply
chilling in her pool
squinting at the sky
cell phone rings
MC Chris says hi
soon we're talking everyday
flirtin' up a storm
plans to road trip
I say word is born
and my mind's set on porn
and I think I'm gonna score
I get down on all fours
start scrubing all the floors
then I get all nervous
that an accident is imminent
never have a chance to relax
and get intimate
arrives at my drive
I sigh, get all shy
so we all get all high
walk down to little five
do a shot, buy some pot
take a seat on the street
she's cute and she's nice
and she's hot and she's sweet
and she makes the first move
'cause I'm set on defeat
then I tongue lap her flaps
'til she snaps and she screams
and she just leaves
and I'm kinda relieved
no OD's, VD's
hearts on my sleeve
not a stalker just a talker
ass tight as weave
once a newbie now a groupie
double clickin' on me
Only thing I love more
Than herb is the bird
But my luck's kinda fucked
It's a wonder that I flirt
But I do and I will
'Cause I'm still just a nerd
Ever been left behind
Let me hear ya say word
Only thing I love more
Than herb is the bird
But my luck's kinda fucked
It's a wonder that I flirt
But I do and I will
'Cause I'm still just a nerd
Ever been left behind
white kids love hip hop and disc jocks, go-carts and fist fights, getting drunk on bud
then getting high like a pitch pipe. are you an mc chris type; a hip hop lovin' half pint?
then just turn on your heartlight. a bunsen burner barfly. this is our time blast it from
the boombox, liberate the goondocks, saw your cousin in a tube top, bust a nugget in a
tube sock. it's tupac, it's big pop, it's hip hop, it don't stop. I love that song,
I love that groove. motherfucker, well I can't help but move. so if you don't mind, if it's
alright with you I'm gonna get in the electric slide line just to prove that:
chorus â white kids love hip hop x3
white kids love hip hop and axel, tractors and rambo, playing unreal tournament with
infinite ammo. taggers and vandals in black socks and sandals, doin as many drugs as they
can motherfuckin' handle. skippin' school, breakin' rules and flippin the bird, fast food
cartoons after ittin' some erb. freakin dem flirts, making'm pur till it hurts, just a
couple nerds clockin' the curbs, a couple a words about my nilla wiggas, packin peters
that are measured in milimeters. we don't talk in the theaters like we're siskel and ebert.
we drink box wine and we listen to weezer.
chorus repeat
man, there's nothin' to do in this stupid town
rope swing's busted, stinking cops allways kicking me out of the park
manager of the 7-11 always says "get off my curb you good for nothing"
all the girls already know I'm a bad kisser so they don't come anywhere near me
I don't know how many times I've been to TGIF
a kid can eat an onion bloom only so many times
bowling's boring, the skating rink's been taken over by 12 year olds
there ain't no good movies out, blockbuster never has any good gamesin
I don't want to play Bombad Racing, I mean what the heck is that?
I'm sick of all my records and every time I walk into a record store, I forget what I want to get
and their ain't nothing on TV, not a stupid thing!
There ain't nothing to do 'cept take naps
and wait paitently for death!
chorus repeat
Smokein' and drinkin' and smokein' and drinkin'
Smokein' and drinkin' and smokein' and drinkin'
What were we, what were we, what were we thinkin'?
Smokein' and smokein' and smokein' and drinkin'!
I don't smoke blunts
'Cause I'm frugal with my dookie
I hock a loogie, spit it out
Then hit the hoochie
I'm on bud like Hux comma Rudy
It's my duty to get loopy
On the Buddha like it's bootie
I smoke fields
I cold cock craps
I smoke peels
Smoke Robe cough drops
I smoke if it's green
I smoke Monopoly homes
It spices up my life
When the monotony drones
I smoke bags
Smoke bails
Smoke 'till I see trails
Only time I put it down
Is when I see a female
Just a minor detail
That will usualy pass
I'll hit that ass
Hit that glass packed
Right with the grass
I smoke Greedo
I smoke Kermit
I smoke the weed
'Til it makes me vermit
I vote third party
That's code for get high
Pass the Yoshi
To the left hand side
Smokey doesn't like me
'Cause I burn up his trees
I smoke more sesame seeds
Than I was Mayor McCheese
I'm just a cancer ridden MC
Seekin' pain relief
Pass the marijuana
Hit it, hold in, release
Smokein' and drinkin' and smokein' and drinkin'
Smokein' and drinkin' and smokein' and drinkin'
What were we, what were we, what were we thinkin'?
Smokein' and smokein' and smokein' and drinkin'!
I'll scrape your bong
Steal roaches from your ashtray
I'll rent nice dreams
I'll rent Half Baked
I'll eat a box of Frosted Flakes
Because they taste great
Only leads to cat naps
Doesn't lead to date rape
Light the incense
Turn on the blacklight
Steady stressin'
Let's get stoned like stalactites
Break it out, break it up
Pack it the bag pipes
Get on the PC
And play a little Half-Life
I hit the Apple
And ended up at Applebee's
Went to Wendy's
Went to Denny's
Went to Mickey D's
I went to Crystal
Went to Castle
Went where I pleased
Ate more meat and cheese
Than Mr. Dom Delouise
I slept all day
And I got nothing accomplished
Just being honest
I get paranoid and nautious
I get obnoxious
It's not comin' at a constant
It's a pipe
Not a pulpit
Pass it on
Or get accosted
Smokein' and drinkin' and smokein' and drinkin'
Smokein' and drinkin' and smokein' and drinkin'
What were we, what were we, what were we thinkin'?
way back college boy asked to a high school dance
couldn't wait, but my date was in my friend's pants.
didn't know what to do, mc feelin blue,
til my best friend said that the red would get me through.
went to the jewel with my crew, adults only box,
in a second hand suit, bow tie, i'm a fox.
in a car on the street, in my mouth swisher sweet
down that shit at my crib in a one gulp feet
room starts to turn like cheese,
my tummy starts to churn like grease,
on my knees like a rug burn beast
like an intern tease with a yeast (infection.)
all the while on the tile, feel like I got the flu.
think I'm gonna throw, I think this night is through
ding dong, date's arrived and her dress is ripped.
she don't know I'm on a robotussin trip.
in the back two girls going stag fat asses.
i demand from the date her sunglasses.
do a drop roll out the car like axel.
I need an angel, I need some fuckin advil.
I got a buzz bigger than a behive
cough up my cookies let loose what's on the inside
chorus
the tussin, the tussin
put it down like it was nothing
robocop couldn't stop me puking and flushin
no balls to be bustin, no fightin, no cussin
just love for a drug called robotussin
way back college boy, live on eleventh floor.
head out my window, wonder what I'm living for.
knock on my door, what's in store, it's my buddy bux
with the rabbit ear pockets saying he is out of luck.
Need a forty for party thrown by laura kang at rubin.
all he's got is snot and a box full of ludens.
Tell'm bout the tussin, we're hayden ho hustlin'
interupting discussions about reagonomic reprocussions.
Fuck'm, we're fuckin chug luggin.
soon my stomach I'm huggin I'm trippin or something
my coat I button, keep it down like a dungeon.
you could call me the cough medicine curmudgeon.
frankly, the feeling's fuckin fantastic
I'm tripping like jesus in the desert when he fasted,
Like it's the night before we all get drafted,
Like we're rowing through some rapids with Kevin Bacon, white water rafting
Like you're on epcot center on acid? Exactly.
What's my name? mc
And what do I do? Rap.
M.D.'s screaming need 50 cc's of mc stat.
E.R. staff be freakin' like mariah on the rag.
mc chris squeezin' contents out of tiny plastic bags.
it's like hypnotizin' eyes and gettin' digits on the pad.
legs seperate like hyphens because mc's still the mack.
identify the items by the bar code on the tag.
identify the rapper 'cause he's knee deep in the vag.
I got my glocks cocked,
I got my nine's primed,
I got my crosshairs locked on kelly lebrock's behind,
I got my lungs locked on chemotherapy kind,
I got more rhyme than shel silverstein and shakespeare combined.
(Chorus)
I sound like a ten year old
or so I've been told,
but you don't need a voice that's low to make the microphone gold.
other's claim that they be midas but they got laryngitis,
so wont'cha kick it with the mc with the voice that's the highest.
so come on.
what's my name? mc.
and what do I do? rock.
I'm intimidating jocks
and inseminating socks,
I'm infiltrating flocks of fembots,
high off that hemlock,
mud wrestling bittie buttocks like ox.
let's knock chucks 'cause we can't afford boots.
let's get high aka pull tubes.
don't ask why, just let it all loose,
watch this mike get abused,
watch me change your attitude.
call me gavin, I'm the captain of this carnival cruise.
kathie lee lets me rub my dick on her boobs.
seems tweens in cleavage jeans is many a man's muse,
all mc needs is just a bucket of booze.
watch me, blow a load on your butt tattoo,
watch me, come back for seconds like it's chinese food.
no one can hear you scream, 'cause it's a soundproof room.
I'm done, get the fuck out, send in number two!
repeat chorus
what's my name? mc.
and what do I do? roll.
I'm all up in that shit like it's fuckin camel toe.
olsen twins on my dick like it's a stripper pole.
if you're hooked on the shit, my middle name is methadone.
so, let's do this quick so no one will ever know.
mc nice got more ice than a fuckin' eskimo.
he's not whack nickleback singing songs for michelobe.
jigga man, why you treat me like animal?
at the mall, at the park, rollerink, backyard,
soft hearted bard who makes the hardcore hard.
I weigh a buck fiddy, stand 5.5,
and when I muff dive, you see the fuckin fur fly.
don't own a celly, my sneakers is my ride,
been disgraced, demoted, I been denied.
all my fan mail says someday that I'll get signed.
mc chris, lower case, no dots, rewind.
Please allow me to reintroduce myself
My name is Chris
And I do not exist
It's just some shit that a kid did just for kicks
An effort of the last ditch
To stop the steel from slitting the wrist
Thick in the midst of life being a bitchof just being Chris
That's when the little fucker just started flipping the script
Cleaning his kicks, clearing his throat, betting the chips
That there's a bunch of kids like him with no rims
No checks, no chicks, no switches to flip
Like Edward Scissorhands with mad salivia glands
MC Chris spits like a kid when he is really is a man
And he really is a fan of the Skywalker clan
And any other band claiming that they're weaker than
Started out a solo mission, quickly became round up
Of any underdog, any unloveable pound pup
Any mother fuck who's a thug, thanks to bad luck
Any punk that's drunk 'cause he ain't found love
Oh I
Drop rhymes
Cop kind
Stop time
Oh I
Drop rhymes
Cop kind
Stop time
By verse two I wasn't even on the map
'Til all that jazz let all the cats see where I was at
They downloaded all my raps, saw the shit was fat
Like Fat Albert on the can after eatin fifty hams
Mad kids were clapping hands, with their windows down
Fucking up their town with the MC sound
Consider this MC effortless, never felt profound
Now it's, fuck a pronoun, third person from here on out
That's what people do with clout
When they wanna get their pimp on
They show up uninvited and then double dip their chip on
I'll instill a little pride in the shy guy with the clip on
Back by the punch bowl and the bumping sound system
He's dancing all by himself
He wants to dance with someone else
I asked, it helps if you speak a little elf
Chant the tiniest hermione spell
It'll make the mightiest melt
Watch him crumble into puddles 'cause he's just a geek
You supply the leet speak, we'll supply the beat
It's a brand new dating service
To an the endless sea of nerdage
Check the verbage
Then please look beneath the surface
Oh I
Drop rhymes
Cop kind
Stop time
Oh I
Drop rhymes
Cop kind
Stop time
My voice is just like me, really fucking high
It's sad you wanna battle I hope you just up chuck and die
I'm not here to look fly, by dissin on some guy
I'm here to hit on ladies with my motherfuckin rhymes
these are troubled times and we need to squash the hate
just like David Silver before this next commercial break
so before you log on just to motherfuckin flame
you have to understand you missed the point and you are lame
do you think this is just a game? this aint no rpg.
mc chris is just a brand, homes, that shit's hardly me
trying to hustle for that dollar so i get something to eat,
pay my bills, buy some games and perhaps a little weed
is that too much to ask? do i seem too defensive?
pensive over lessons that my fans are double guessin?
you guessed it. and how does an mc stay impressive
to all the naysayers, knuckleheads, and rubberneckers?
by mic checkin i reckon, reflect a moment or second
on the most bad ass tag team you seen since tekken
representin like I'm fenton. all ass i kick
mcchris will let you in, if you don't start no shit.
Oh I
Drop rhymes
Cop kind
Stop time
Oh I
Drop rhymes
Cop kind
I'm like Kenny Rogers in Six Pack
Girls won't give my dick back
All this sex affects my syntax
The pistol I pack's impact
Make's you gasp infact
So sit back, relax
While I grind this axe
On your Brazillian wax
Without fishing fast
I bask in the slash
Underneath your cinnamon ass
About ten minutes it lasts
I pull it out and pass gas
My name is MC Chris
Kinda cute
Kinda crass
Ladies love me sending pic's
Where they're scantilly clad
Send some back
Then invite them to come crash at my pad
They're like
Oh my G, OMG, that'd be so rad
We make the beast with two backs
Until we both get whiplash
Get with the program
Strip to the slow jam
Slip on a Trojan
Kissin' the toes and
Move to the knees
Go back, repeat
The job ain't done
'Til you ruin the sheets
My name is MC
And your name is a creep
Because you creep into my bed
About every week
Tractor beam on my bed
Got you actin' le freak
Tractor beam on my bed
Got you actin' le freak
I should be flirtin' with virgins
Instead of jerkin' my gerkin
I should be working the circuit
Assertive for certain
With little aversion
They all open they curtains
Mini me starts emergin
To be rid of his burden
Did I fail to mention
All the ladies say word
Got a panty collection
Like a Japanese perv
They're prepared to purr
And to serve up they curves
I skip the main course
I prefer the whore derves
I like thongs, like grannies
Like any old panties
Hanging on the lampshades
As I tap on her back space
I like bows, like lace
Like suckin' her face
I like fuckin' her waist
I make a bucket of paste
When her eyes roll back
It means her memory's erase
Slow-mo, tip-toe
My ass out of her place
I quickly run to the clinic
A q-tip in my diddick
I wait two very long weeks
To know if these nuts need a medic
So c'mon
Get with the program
Strip to the slow jam
Slip on a Trojan
Kissin' the toes and
Move to the knees
Go back, repeat
The job ain't done
'Til you ruin the sheets
My name is MC
And your name is a creep
Because you creep into my bed
About every week
Tractor beam on my bed
Got you actin' le freak
Tractor beam on my bed
Got you actin' le freak
My name is MC
I'm like no other
A short sized, high pitched
White skinned brother
And when I say white
Yo, I don't mean pink
'Cause my skin's about as white
As white out ink
When I step into the sun
I burst into flames
Like the Human Torch
But with no lives to save
Said, I don't go to clubs
And I don't go to raves
And I don't go to pubs
And I don't go to parades
So, where do I go
You might call it a hooch parlor
If you don't know the password
Don't bother
It's where all the ladies
Leave their lipstick
On my collar
But I tell them to be gone
'Cause all they want
Is my dollar
Mahler use to write symphonies
Name is MC and I claim to be
Star material like astrology
Punk rock, hip, and R&B;
Watch me blend it up like a daquiri
It's why all the honey's be mackin' me
Waitin' in the alley, sneak attackin' me
Tearin off my clothes, ass smackin' me
Back when we didn't have a record deal
(Still don't)
Still managed to make the ladies squeal
Word up, and you know
Name is MC, shout it back to me
On the count of three
One, two, three, MC
Name is MC
Drivin' 'round in my Civic
I see ya girls walkin' by, lookin' fly
Soft to the touch like a porcupin
Blow my mind
Name's MC, me multiplied
Don't call home
'Cause I'm out tonight
Taste real good like a pumpkin pie
I only smoke pipe
When there's skunk inside
Can it be
Her fingers slippin' down my Levi jeans
I be so happy now, without a doubt
Like I just smoked an ounce
Fucked and bounced
What the fuck you be talkin' 'bout
MC backwards be cotton mouth
Not on the mic
I'm kickin' your ass at balderash
Ya can't stop me
Name is MC, shout it back to me
On the count of three
One, two, three, MC
Name is MC
Come from a place
Called Libertyville
In the place to be
With a little Bo Peep eatin' edamame
I'm eatin' Chick Filet
Get up on the mic
And stay for days
Drunk off that citron lemonade
And a little bit of tanqueray
But I'm okay, eyes wide
Stir fried, like Vietnamese
Adam and Eve
Do as we please
With nothing but a bucket
Of ice up my sleeve
Ask Mr. T and the fuckin' A-Team
A beam in your face
MC Chris in the place
With a mouth full of toothpaste
Library book paste the due date
So many ho's
I get the group rate
this one goes out to all the cuties in the quad, walking kitty corner with the itty bitty bod, telescopin out the window, waxin wise, while you walk, i stalk the fox box to the party on lock, security check soon my id's inspected, in the elevator waiting to get wrecked, open the door then get floored by the heat, you get passed a jay while they play paul's boutique, get a plastic cup and ice unless you like it neat, all the girl's stand up, all the guys take seats, smoke fills the air, you fill in denise, on your major, on your minor, on the middle east for sheeza, high plains drifter this sorority sister, let the belt loop lead you to the liquor elixirs, smellin better than i bubble gum scratch and sniff sticker, we lick, shoot suck, then duck out even quicker. a mad dash to my crib, 'cause my roomie is a geek, he's playing galaxies, makin friends on dantooine, so, i'm climbing up a tree, beers clinging to my teeth, miss the window ledge, hit the hedge, land upon my keys. (chrous) i am a dorm rat, that is the fact, jack, lookin at incense, playin with warm wax, hittin on the honeys at the vending machine, one hitters, tray dinners, all you need's an id. plaid pajama bottoms or plaid pleated skirts, everything you girl's wear makes me stare at the dirt, if i had balls i'd flirt with y'all in study hall, do the geek talk till your eyes roll back into your skull, but i'm a freek, spelled f-r double three k, when you're walking my way with my pockets i play, i can't say what's yer name, care to chat for a bit, it's me brian, that guy, from that class, russian lit? care to sit, have a chip, care for some fun dip, doystoyefsky doesn't impress me, what do you think of that shit? but i don't i just twitch and i itch in my pants, play my gameboy advance until she's finally walked past. a mad dash to my crib where i get on my blog, in search of spock dot com check it out if you want, that's the steam blowin scene where i reign supreme, webster's my friendster, i run the message board for ween, it's a mental mall for teens, it's a paradise on earth, but in a way it's like a curse, faster than a google search, i just sit here and drink beer while my roommate flirts at some party, with some hottie who's all into fred durst, it makes my heart burst, and yet i do nothing, just get on the web and start bitchin and frontin, a dot com curmudgeon, who's love life is sufferin, it's the rope or the oven, or the hope i find love in the end. (chorus) i am lab rat that is a sad fact, shining my test tubes, crying in restrooms, dorm life blows if you've got no place to go, i'll call my mother everyday, i say i wanna go home.
Yo what's up, this is MC, uhhh im chillin at the track tryin to make some money call me back 213862620, you wanna get the hit?, gimmie a hit, bizza.
you have one new message
hey chris, its john bayie uhh, did you try and call me? casue i've been in the hospitol, in traction, they told me i fractured my liver? which i didnt even know you could do, anyway i still wanna do stuff on your record, uhh while i was on percodan i thought of a word that rhymes with engine so call me and i'll tell ya what it is, so yeah call me on my cell i'll uhh talk to ya later call me uhh bye.
Your rapper- he's whack dude, does he even try?
Can he do what mine did? Think you should say buh bye.
Get up on the mic like a five on a fifty.
Quickly avoid the hickeys of the bucktoothed bitties.
Fake Timberlake just to be by Britney.
Smoke that pipe with Witney, shoot that blow with Iggy.
L.I.B, N.Y.C and all places in between,
you could call me a mint 'cause I make the green.
I make the scene, I make believe that you all was naked,
so I wouldn't have to fake it. Just copy and paste it,
like Adobe Photoshop, Red Foreman in Robocop.
I get up on the mic and you know I won't fuckin stop.
It's like the props of Carrot Top, or yellow stains in my socks.
You acting like you hip? Your all hepped up on hopps.
So, just do the body rock, cause the beat just be so bumpin'.
Let's get our groove on before our carriage is a pumpkin,
before they outlaw fuckin', not bad for a drunken munchkin.
My name is MC Chris welcome to my lyric luncheon.
word up, word up, word up, word up, and you know.
[chrous]
Name's MC, my band's the Lee Majors.
Put us on the bill, and boy ya hit paydirt.
When I'm on the mike, girlies wanna flizzirt,
but I tell' em chill like a DQ Blizzard.
Help me like a DQ Blizzard, D-DQ Blizzard.
Help me like a DQ Blizzard, D-DQ Blizzard.
Like corn beef and cabbage, half fred savage.
The better than average rapper with the, "have to have it," habit.
Their apperants on my carrot like they was Jessica Rabbit,
like fake wood paneling on the side of stationwagons.
Fraggle Rock on the box, Fruit Loops on my chin,
wonderin' if I'm ever really gonna fit in,
or be a son of a bitch with a gut and some tits,
or a roaming casanova with my dick in a clit.
I'll be back in a bit, I gotta floss my johnson,
make that cream for the state Wisconsin.
You say all of my shit is complete nonsense,
fuck my cd and the shitty ass contents.
Bullshit, my shit's the bomb.
Siamese twins want menage a trois.
Robot bitches want their backs massaged.
They may not be real but them tits is large.
(damn) word up, word up, word up, word up, and you know.
chorus
Your rapper- he's whack dude, does he even try?
Cruisin' Mos Espa
In my Delorean
War's over
I'm a peacetime mandalorian
My story has stumped
Star Wars historians
Deep in debate,
Buffet plate at Bennigan's
Rhyme renegade
Sure to penetrate
First and second offense
I won't hesitate
Got a job to do
And Darth's the guy that delegates
Got something against Skywalker
Someone he really hates
I don't give a fuck
I'm after Solo
For all I care
He could be hidin' at Yoda's dojo
Gotta make the money
Credit's no good
When the jawas run the shop
In your neighborhood
Think you can cook
I got a grappling hook
Let's make this quick
'Cause I'm really booked
I'm a devious degenerate
Defender of the devil
Shut down all the trash compactors
On the detention level
chorus
My backpack's got jets
Well I'm Boba the Fett
Well I bounty hunt for Jabba Hutt
To finance my 'Vette
wicky wicky woo
Well I chill in deep space
A mask is over my face
Well I deliver the prize
But I still narrow my eyes
'Cause my time
I don't like to waste.
Get down
I'm a question
Wrapped inside an enigma
Get inside the slave one
Find your homing signal
From Endor to Hoth
Ripley to Spock
I'll find what you want
But there's gonna be a cost
See, my name is Boba Fett
I know my shit is tight
Start not actin'right
You're frozen in carbonite
Got telescopic sight
Flame throwers on my wrist
You still don't get the gist
Spiked boots are made to kick
Targets are made to hit
You think I give a shit
Yo mama is a bitch
I see you in the Sarlaac Pit
You just flipped my switch
Integrity been dissed
You scratchin' on my itch
You know I shoot to get
Got bambinas at cantinas
Waitin' to lick my lusty lips
So I'll let you get back inside
Your little space ship
Give you a head start
'Cause I'm the sportin' kind
Consider the starting line
The sneaky smile I hide inside
Hope you have hyper drive (drive)
pray to stay alive ('live)
Don't try to slip me a five
'Cause I never take a bribe
To the beat of a different drummer
Bad ass bounty hunter
Let no man put asunder
Or else they be put under
As in six feet
Got an imperial fleet
Backin' me up, gonna blow up
Any attempt to defeat
They gotta death star
Got four payments on my car
Hand it over to hammer head
At Mos Eisley bar
He used to carjack
Now he's a barback
Just goes to show how you can
Get back on the right track
As for me that's not an option
Can't say that with more clarity
Me going legit would be like
Jar Jar on speech therapy
Chorus
My backpack's got jets
Well I'm Boba the Fett
Well I bounty hunt for Jabba Hutt
To finance my 'Vette
wicky wicky woo
Well I chill in deep space
A mask is over my face
Well I deliver the prize
But I still narrow my eyes
'Cause my time
I don't like to waste.
Get down
Slice you open like a Taun Taun
Faster than the Autobahn
Or a motorbike in Tron
Do the deed and then I'm gone
Jaba has a hissyfit
Contact Calrissian
Over a colt, the plan unfolds
No politic is legit
Back in the day
When I was a slave
Living life in the fast lane
Like in a pod race
My mean streak tweaked
I became a basket case
So this space ace
Split that place, poste haste
Took up a noble cause
Called the Clone Wars
'Cause life's not all about
Girls and cars
Getting fucked up
In fucked up bars
See, I'm not a retard
Or gay like de Barge
I'm large and in charge
With a face so scarred
A cold black heart
That's been torn apart
The Sith wish that they
Had a dick so hard
'Cause it's long long ago
In a pussy far far
Call me master, 'cause I'm faster
Than Pryor on fire
I no longer have to hot wire
I'm a hunter for hire
With no plans to retire
And all the sucka MCs
Can call me sir
Chorus
My backpack's got jets! (jets jets jets)
Well I'm Boba the Fett! (the Fett the Fett)
Well I bounty hunt for Jabba Hutt, (Jabba Hutt Jabba Hutt Jabba Hutt)
MC: I wanna talk about math, math. I love math. Gettin' my books for school.
Bully: Wait a minute? Math? MATH?! Hey, what the fuck are you doing over there you geek?
MC: Oh, don't hit me.
Bully: Ju-just jabbering about math? What is this, math books? There they go.
MC: O-oh! You knocked the books out of my hands. I gotta pick them up now. I gotta- you- I-I gotta get to class.
Bully: Hey, you like math do ya?
MC: Yeah, I like math.
Bully: I got a practical math application for ya. Your a- face plus my fist plus, a- something I'm gonna shove up your asshole divided by pie- the co-efficient
MC: Ah! AH! Oh, ah you're hurting me! Oh, this is so painful!
Bully: SHUT UP! If you think this is painful? Meet me in the boys bathroom at two o'clock, and then, I'll show you painful. I'll show you painful you fuckin' kid.
I met you on friendster, your name was all weird, I feared the worst but the more I learned it all became clear, you were a female peer, just a few years younger than I, and you wrote the longest letters, the very best size.
You live in London, used slang like prat, you were dating the gym when it came to tight abs, I'd spend the days half, trying to make you laugh, you would and write back give me some more of that, well after one week, I knew I was hooked, you'd blush at each key stroke of X O, without getting one look at the other side guy his pics might be fake, this type of shit happens every day.
I'm no rock star, a clock watching drone, who's breath stinks of liquor, all stoned like lawn gnomes. No girlfriend, no hook ups, just lovelorn and fucked up, no friend to just vent on, one who'll, say all bets off. concert was cancelled, you answered my email. Turns out you're bummed out didn't want to give details. A mate had od'd, I could feel your heart beat. I miss you never met you, X O M C.
Boys don't cry, they prefer ballin' and shot callin. Teardrops fallin', I'm jonesin' harder than gollum, please god say that's London callin.
why ya gotta be so far away, why do plane tickets gotta cost an arm and a leg, maybe i should save a couple dollars a day, so without delay, i can look at your face, smell your hair, rest my hand on your neck, never mind neckin, you know that comes next I'll buy you a dress at that place owned by dodi fayed. give ya head every night before bed.
but you might not D I G M C, might think me too brash or condescending, a sad finish without taking a first step, can't avoid saying something that I will regret but I bet that we would hit off great I could come to you, or you could come to the states, get you a job at mtv, whatever you need, I'm a slave 4 u like Britney was for jt. romance is a cruel trick. playin me like school kids, don't know if I should do this, if i'm stupid or just foolish, can't help but (pursue) this, despite you being half a world from me, what I wouldn't give to sit and sip a cup of tea, while you nibbled on a crumpet, I'd love it indeed, sincerely yours, X O M C.
MC Chris (answering machine recording): Yo, wassup, this is MC, uh, I'm chillin' at the track, tryin' to make some money- call me back, 2136-4640. Wanna gimme a hit- gimme a hit. Kizzat.
Answering machine: You have one new message.
John Bowie: Hey Chris, it's Bowie, uh, I'm at the Pathstation... I was wondering if I could crash on your couch, would that be cool? They locked me out of my apartment. Um... so call me back, man, there's a payphone here, some kid stole my cellphone, but the joke's on him cause Sprint shut it off... uh... just come by the station, alright? I'm gonna be sleeping on one of the benches.
I never carry a gun
I just carry my tongue
When it's not knee deep in pork
It's acidic and forked
I'd mission abort
Don't need no permission to start
Rip apart every synapse and spark
'Til you're clutchin' your heart
Playin' Mario Kart
With Wesley Clark
Make like Corey Heart
And wear my shades when it's dark
Don't retort or remark
You'll get Dizzy G Cheeks
With a mouth full of fart
*fart noise*
I'm Slaughter comma Sarge
AKA Commissar
Ballin' like stalin' from USSR
Shit's so fluid so far
Thanks to Matt on guitar
Yo DJ, take 'em to the part
Where I turn rap into art
Yeah, motherfucker
Check this shit out
I'm a bad ass
I ain't gonna fuckin' spell it
I get up on the mic
And then I fuckin' yell it
No need to embellish
I'm selfishly hellish
Equatorial insect repellent
The like's of which you never delt with
Well my name is mc and I'm here to say
I rock the mic with asbestos all up in yer face
Old school like the one used by Ichabod crane
Watch me think up a phrase then put my spit on display
I aint even begun to begin
I get up on the microphone and make fun of yer friends
I'm like black thought 'cause I got your twenties and tens
like your bittie won't go down on me in the back of yer benz
snap off her bra while she kicks off her keds
put her butt on the bazooka tubes, and suck on her neck
and when I'm done yo yer momma is next,
stackin ho's like government checks
gotta go like I'm sever and ecks
Whack mc's like butterfly effect
Yo they came and they went all they money is spent like the rent
All my money's in the pockets of kids that's why I rockin this shit
Lickety split
I read variety
Your box office receipts
Are motherfuckin' weak
Ya got nothing to say
You shouldn't fuckin' speak
I read variety
Your box office receipts
Are motherfuckin' weak
Ya got nothing to say
You shouldn't fuckin' speak
I got my mind on my money and the rest in escro
Missles on my wrist like my name was Destro
I'm whiter than your ipod head phones
Name is mcchris so let's go
let's go
I got more rhymes than than old dirty got cradles
And I got more bitches than maddonas got dreidles
When it comes to kickin ass on cable I am more than able
But I kick it up a notch on kareoke turntables
Never mind the lyrics I know that you can hear it
Got the mononoke spirit when you quote it back so fearless
Fuckin shit will come near it: an mc/fan endearment
Save it like it's ferris in a trademark disappearance
You can't beat it like coat hangers once used by mommy dearest
But you run home and you blast it till you know yer hard of hearing
Wanna be in the know gotta crack the code
Ghetto blasted by bad kids across the globe 'cause I can flow
I got beats galore got rhymes for days
Got nothin' but a hundred hurricanes in my way
AKA people saying quiet down and behave
Fucking lame like the mother fucking trucker hat craze
I read variety
Your box office receipts
Are mother fucking weak
You got nothing to say
You shouldn't fuckin' speak
I read variety
Your box office receipts
Are mother fucking weak
You got nothing to say
Cincinnati punk sucks dick. Can I say that, can I say that? It's not aggressive, there's no energy in the fuckin music, they're a bunch of fuckin' chump rockers bitin' off the real deal, and everybody here can lick my fuckin filthy crab infested bag.
With my high tech specs I inspect a love less
Sittin' in a sun dress readin' Cosmo sex tests
Time for me to conquest I step to impress
It's the best of the rest she says her names Beth
Don't mean to be a pest but can I join (Yeeeees)
Says she needs a rest from her daily stress
That's when busty Beth break out the sticky sess
And yo we both connect like Ackbar and Jeff
I got the snack bar check quarters in my pockets
Sayin' word it's occurred if it's a curve then I'm a cock it
Say my name is mc I've been known to rock it
With nintendo, a dildo I'm on it like Bilbo the hobbit
The high totin' honky kicks it in Kentucky
Grade ten'll suck me, Grade twelve'll fuck me
And all the college co-eds consider themselves lucky
Like they was Lopez and my shit was Puffy
Now Beth the busty wants to get a slushie
Go back to her joint so we can gets lovey-dovey
I flip for that and freeze for the cab I do pay
But when I make the first move the ho say no way
You, you got what I need
But you say he's just a friend, oh you say he's just a friend (Oh baby you)
Oh you, you got what I need (got what I need)
But you say he's just a friend (he's just a friend)
But you say he's just a friend, (he's just a friend) word
Well this is a story about a girl named Corey
That liked to play Atari liked to read Archie
She's browsin' Beetle Baily and I be browsin' the body
That make a Maserati go potty
So I step to impress with the jeans so torn
I say my name is mc she say word is born
Never seen a girl like you in a comic book store
She buy for issues of Hulk I buy four issues of Thor
We walk out the door practically holdin' hands
I say you want a lift she say I got a man
Oh you do for real well then where he be
Obviously not in the vicinity
So listen to me cause my name is mc
When I get up on the mic I make the whole front row pee
My cars a Mitsubishi the cd the Bee Gees
The song "How Deep is Your Love" cause your so deep into me
Now how can it be me seen with a geek
That frequent the joint like a freak every week
I'm buyin' these books for my invalid brother
You wanna hook up motherfucker hook another
You, you got what I need
But you say he's just a friend oh you say he's just a friend (What the fuck)
Oh you, you got what I need (got what I need)
But you say he's just a friend well you say he's just a friend (word em up)
Oh you (you) you got what I need (got what I need) but you just say he's just a friend (he's just a friend)
Say he's just a friend (word up)
You (you) you got what I need (got what I need) but you say he's just a friend (he's just a friend)
Say he's just a friend (word up)
You (you) you got a friend
(I look at you, it seems like every where I go)
(The good times are bad cause I'll be on your side forever more, That's what friends are for)
(I don't wanna be your stinkin' friend, I wanna get it on, this blows)
MC's be bitin' off his style like 24/7 right.
You know what I'm sayin' dig yo dig.
It's time to get up off his nuts yo time to get up off his nuts cause you on his shit.
I'm down word up word up word up word up.
Weed is by my side, it's always been there.
Always been there, always been there.
Weed is by my side, it's always been there.
Always been there, always been there.
Weed is by my side, it's always been there.
Always been there, always been there.
Weed is by my side, it's always been there.
Always been there, always been there.
We're smokin' that Danger Girl.
We're smokin' that Gen 13.
Bong's called Yoda, man,
and Yoda can't STAND a bag filled with stems and seeds.
Yo, I can't stand no ecstacy.
Cocaine made a mess of me.
Beer and booze are now things that I use to do.
Don't misconstrue, I'm still abusin' weed.
Some kids like to get fucked up,
actin' black by rollin' them blunts.
I got a one hitter called Margot Kidder
and I only need to hit that shit once
'cause I ain't made of nickels and dimes.
Fat kind make me tickled inside.
Say no to cuttin' up lines,
that's one-point-twenty-one jiggawatt jive.
And I ain't no Nancy Reagan,
just sayin' kinda take it slow.
Say yeah to the jazz cigarette,
say nil to the thrills of pills and blow.
Teen years about gettin' beat down,
and your twenties 'bout smokin' them pounds.
Stick around for the sticky amounts,
flick a Bic 'til your stuck to the couch.
I'm the sativa cyborg,
I smell that shit like a wine cork.
I hope they never legalize,
then High Times won't have anything to fight for.
I used to smoke with kids at shows,
but I stopped 'cause they all had colds,
but I got Emergen-C and a bag of Coldeeze
and mad trees so let's all get stoned!
Weed is by my side, it's always been there.
Always been there, always been there.
Weed is by my side, it's always been there.
Always been there, always been there.
Weed is by my side, it's always been there.
Always been there, always been there.
Weed is by my side, it's always been there.
Always been there, always been there.
After a show, you're a friend of mind,
handshake with a prize inside.
These are Batman Begins hallucinagens.
These whammies are weaponized.
LSD and shrooms, I tried them,
was a time when I wouldn't deny them.
All you need is one trip where you lose your shit,
kiss goodbye to the sky with diamonds;
but I keep coming back like it's Atkins fat
'cause the weed's like crack cocaine,
but the risk you take is just getting baked,
you're surely gonna see the next day.
They say we fund Al Qaeda.
Sounds like the government's jealous.
Let's get the enemy stoned,
bring our ninjas home - to hell with Christian zealots,
'cause all we need is some weed and a laid back beat,
black lights if you stereotype,
couple bean bag chairs and a lack of airs,
a marathon of price is right.
What's the 4-1-1 for realzies?
I freeze my Reese's Pieces.
It's like everytime I pack a pipe,
my appetite suddenly increases.
You know what a cracka mean,
green leaves my cractorbeam,
addicted like it's gasoline, just pass the trees
while I live that cracker dream,
but I might have to cease my deeds.
I might have to take control
'cause I ain't down with little mc
growin' up in a cloud of my second-hand smoke.
Weed is by my side, it's always been there.
Always been there, always been there.
Weed is by my side, it's always been there.
Always been there, always been there.
Weed is by my side, it's always been there.
Always been there, always been there.
Weed is by my side, it's always been there.
"Where are we?"
"I'm thirsty."
"There's a church up ahead, maybe there's something in here..."
[Door open]
"These don't look like Presbyterians!"
"They look like... puppets."
"I THOUGHT WE SOUNDED REALLY GOOD, MAN, I THOUGHT WE SOUNDED PRETTY GOOD!"
"OHHHHHH, YEEEEEAAAH!"
All these rappers are so serious, it's crackin' me up.
Kid consumers tired of posers so he's backin' me up.
Jump in the back of the truck, or the front of my bike.
mc chris is comin' to your town. ("Aiight.")
I'm the Dungeon Master master of the ceremony,
comin' to your territory, cheese it up like macaroni.
We'll get seven kinds of stoney in the parking lot proper;
want me to hit your jurisdiction, just submit Chris an offer.
Girls be neckin' on my wood in your neck of the woods.
Groupie girlies give it up because pup got the goods.
You think that they'd be less devout over somethin' so stout,
but I guess they're all about Guiness 'cause they're turnin' me out.
This is for the anthem kids 'cause they know who Ansem is,
I'm not a corporate clown so it's not like they could cancel Chris.
I'm just an activist, my fans are cyber savages,
I may seem kinda lame but I got more game then babbages.
mc chris is comin' to your town tonight.
mc chris is down to bring the sound to life.
On the pressure point precise like a kid on Fisher Price,
watch him kick it wicked nice on the microphone device.
mc chris is comin' to your town tonight.
mc chris is down to bring the sound to life.
On the pressure point precise like a kid on Fisher Price,
watch him kick it wicked nice on the microphone device.
mc's going platinum, the Cubs won the pennant race,
ice comin' out my ass like my name was Bobby Drake,
a hundred hoes with no clothes comin' out my birthday cake;
did I fail to mention everything I say is kinda fake?
It's how Mister Ward escapes when the people player hate,
when I'm feelin' kinda down, overlooked and overweight.
I roll back my eyes, clear my mind and proceed,
paint a picture-perfect world called the house of mc.
You don't have to visit, you can always not listen,
even though a world without my music's kinda cataclysmic.
I used to rip tickets. Karate kick districts;
kinda like Kismet, like when Leia met Wickett. ("Jub jub.")
Decadent downloads put a dump in your rump.
That's right, I'm shittin' your pants, punchin' chumps in the junk.
I'm surveyin' your surroundings and I'm samplin' your skunk.
mc chris is comin' 'round, now's when you throw your hands up!
mc chris is comin' to your town tonight.
mc chris is down to bring the sound to life.
On the pressure point precise like a kid on Fisher Price,
watch him kick it wicked nice on the microphone device.
mc chris is comin' to your town tonight.
mc chris is down to bring the sound to life.
On the pressure point precise like a kid on Fisher Price,
watch him kick it wicked nice on the microphone device.
We delivered in the Dirty, impressed the Southwest,
navigated North to ingest the best sess',
met a couple honeys and had real live sex;
okay, we just made out 'cause someone shouted, "MIC CHECK!"
We been bouncin' in the mountains, we been paid in the glades,
we deliver solid products for affordable rates,
roam the range, makin' change, puttin' food on our plates,
got a BJ while the DJ played Duel of the Fates.
Life rules and it's great, they say I'm livin' a dream,
now and then it's like a nightmare though, you wouldn't believe.
For the most part it's like go carts doing turns at high speed,
life's a sweet summer vacation if your name is mc.
People, I'm a pimp, life's a bitch, fuck what ya heard.
Name a faster nerd when it comes to blastin' words.
Pixels in my pocket like my name was John Lasseter.
A bible camp van, it's a fifteen passenger!
mc chris is comin' to your town tonight.
mc chris is down to bring the sound to life.
On the pressure point precise like a kid on Fisher Price,
watch him kick it wicked nice on the microphone device.
mc chris is comin' to your town tonight.
mc chris is down to bring the sound to life.
On the pressure point precise like a kid on Fisher Price,
watch him kick it wicked nice on the microphone device.
"Everybody get in the bus! Get in the bus!"
"LET'S GO!"
Drivin', drivin', drivin', drivin'...
Drivin', drivin', drivin', drivin'...
Drivin', drivin', drivin', drivin'...
DRIVIN', DRIVIN', DRIVIN', DRIVIN'...
DRIVIN', DRIVIN', DRIVIN', DRIVIN'...
DRIVIN', DRIVIN', DRIVIN', DRIVIN'...
[harp music]
[Jesus:] Oh I love playing this harp it relaxes me.
[MC Chris:] Huh? I was never shot. I was never assassinated. I'm alive!
[Jesus:] No.
[MC Chris:] What.
[Jesus:] You were shot you're in Heaven.
[MC Chris:] No, no. you're Saint Peter aren't you?
[Jesus:] What? Saint Peter! I'm Jesus!
[MC Chris:] Oh.
[Jesus:] Goddamn you, Saint Peter's a big, fat shit, with a hydrocephalic head.
[MC Chris:] I'm sorry.
[Jesus:] It's disgusting looking!
[MC Chris:] I'm sorry.
[Jesus:] How could you confuse?... man look I got the classic beard and the robe.
[MC Chris:] You're clearly Jesus.
[Jesus:] And the sandal feet.
[MC Chris:] You're clearly Jesus I'm sorry I'm sorry.
[Jesus:] Take a look down there at the bottom of the robe.
[MC Chris:] Yeah what at your sandals?
[Jesus:] What do you see? No between the feet.
[MC Chris:] Is... is that the tip of your?
[Jesus:] It's the Tip of my dick.
[MC Chris:] No way!
[Jesus:] [laughs] Jesus has a Four foot dick.
[MC Chris:] That's incredible how'd you... well you're Jesus.
[Jesus:] Of course.
[MC Chris:] Yeah.
[MC Chris:] What do your balls look like?
[Jesus:] Let me... let me tell you I thought to myself Jesus you're Jesus what could you give yourself that nobody else in the universe would have? allow me to hike up my robe here. Clear balls with goldfish swimming around in them
[MC Chris:] That's inc... Look how cute they are there's like a little castle in there.
[Jesus:] Castle treasure chest skeleton.
[MC Chris:] Little diving man it's so cute.
[MC Chris:] I could spend the whole day there.
[Jesus:] I'm sayin'.
[MC Chris:] When you're having sex with a women doesn't that... isn't that painful I mean it's gotta be?
[Jesus:] Well let me tell you what I'd do I would magically just extend their cervix.
[MC Chris:] Oh.
[Jesus:] Till up to about their sternum.
[MC Chris:] Oh ok I see.
[Jesus:] Or throat area and that generally makes it fine.
[Jesus:] But to tell you the truth I'm not really having sex with women too much these days.
[MC Chris:] Really?
[Jesus:] To tell you the truth I'm actually having sex with um it's a creature of my own uh imagining if you will.
[MC Chris:] Oh.
[Jesus:] I searched my imagination and thought what... what... what's the creature that I Jesus find most attractive.
[MC Chris:] Huh.
[Jesus:] it turns out it's kind of a... a dinosaur dragon bird type creature it looks actually like you know when discovery channel was doing that thing on like you know what if raptors had feathers.
[MC Chris:] Oh yeah, yeah yeah yeah I saw that. I saw that yeah.
[Jesus:] It looks a lot like that.
[MC Chris:] But if you're Jesus you don't... you don't really need discovery channel I mean you've seen the dinosaurs already.
[Jesus:] No, no that was uh before I was born actually.
[MC Chris:] Oh yeah.
[Jesus:] Yeah.
[MC Chris:] Yeah.
[Jesus:] Alright here let's get down to business I've got the list of things you did in your life here.
[MC Chris:] Oh.
[Jesus:] Let's see you were a pretty bad drunk.
[MC Chris:] Yeah.
[Jesus:] You made a lot of stupid skits on your records.
[MC Chris:] Yeah.
[Jesus:] You did have 30, 000 my space friends.
[MC Chris:] Yeah, yeah I did that's... that's true!
[Jesus:] That means something up here.
[MC Chris:] Really?
[Jesus:] Yeah, you know who'd be interested to hear that? My buddy Lincoln. Hey Lincoln you know this guy's got 30, 000 myspace friends.
[Lincoln:] 30, 000 myspace friends is he using bots?
[Jesus:] I don't know I'll ask him are you using bots.
[MC Chris:] No it's just fan base.
[Jesus:] No he's not using bots it's just fan base.
[Lincoln:] Is he a porn star?
[Jesus:] No it's not a porn star it's MC Chris.
[Jesus:] It's great I've got you know everybody from "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure's" up here
([Lincoln:] Huh, hey Beethoven this guy's got 30000 myspace friends)
[MC Chris:] Oh that's cool, that's cool.
[Jesus:] It's pretty... it's pretty cool.
([Beethoven:] 30000 myspace friends is he using bots?)
[Jesus:] Except uh Keanu.
([Lincoln:] Huh that's what I asked nope no bots.)
[Jesus:] and uh Alex Winter.
([Beethoven:] Is he a porn star?)
[Jesus:] What are you deaf or is that is that you or Mozart I can never remember.
[beep]
[Secretary:] That Dragon bird lady is on line two again.
[Jesus:] Ohhh this dragon bird won't leave me alone.
[MC Chris:] Oh shit Jesus what'll we do!?
[Jesus:] I try to be honest I try to say dragon bird it's just a sex thing I don't want a relationship.
[MC Chris:] Right, right, right.
[Jesus:] This dragon bird is super into me you got to help me. You got to help me out here.
[MC Chris:] Well uh Jesus use your powers!
[Jesus:] Hmm yes how about this we switch places. You become Jesus and I'll become you and I'll go down to earth and enjoy some moderate success as a nerd rapper.
[MC Chris:] Well, I'm not just a nerd rapper, I rap about all kinds of stuff. My music kind of transcends boundaries.
[Jesus:] uh Suuuure it does alright let's do this thing.
[finger snap] [beeeeep boooop]
[MC Chris:] Oh wow a real beard a full beard!
[Jesus:] Oh wow a big fat baby face.
[MC Chris:] A robe a cool robe and some badass desert sandals!
[Jesus:] Oh look disgusting hobbit feet great.
[MC Chris:] Well what'll we do now Jesus?
[Jesus:] Now I'm going to open this trap door down here *door opens* and climb down this ladder down to earth here I go... Oh ok over there are towels.
[MC Chris:] Right.
[Jesus:] And the menus are in the drawer.
[MC Chris:] OK.
[Jesus:] If you want to order out ok. Emergency numbers on the phone.
[MC Chris:] Right.
[Jesus:] And just have fun remember to have fun.
[MC Chris:] I will Jesus you have fun too.
[Jesus:] Alright bye
[MC Chris:] Alright later Jesus good luck.
[Jesus:] Climbing down the ladder Climbing down to earth Climbing down and I'm climbing down the ladder and Oh my god! The ladder ended too soon!
[MC Chris:] Jesus!
[Jesus:] Why didn't they finish building this ladder?
[MC Chris:] What are you doing? !
[Jesus:] Oh my god I'm falling!
[MC Chris:] Jesus don't fall!
[Jesus:] Help me!
[MC Chris:] Oh no!
[Jesus:] Use your new Jesus powers to help me!
[MC Chris:] My new Jesus... What'll I do!?
[Jesus:] Help me I'm falling!
[MC Chris:] Uh parachute!
[Jesus:] Come on!
[MC Chris:] Para... I just conjured up a parachute Jesus I'm throwing it down to you.
[Jesus:] Parachute that's the worst idea don't you know that the laws of physics dictate that two objects at different masses fall at the same speed! That parachute...
[MC Chris:] Catch the parachute!
[Jesus:] No it'll never reach me you idiot Oh I'm falling!
[MC Chris:] Catch it Look for the parachute!
[Jesus:] Oh my god I'm hitting the earths atmosphere at tremendous speed!
[MC Chris:] Look for the parachute Jesus!
[Jesus:] Oh the friction is causing me to burn up in the atmosphere!
[MC Chris:] Do you see a parachute!?
[Jesus:] Oh my god I don't see a parachute my eyeballs are burning out!
[MC Chris:] Jesus, Jesus no!
[Jesus:] Oh my god I'm burning it hurts so bad!
[MC Chris:] Oh no Jesus!
[Jesus:] Oh my god I'm ash I'm pure ash and I'm falling to earth!
[MC Chris:] Oh Jesus!
[Jesus:] Oh I'm falling and I'm lining on the mountain tops. Oh the cool mountain tops.
[MC Chris:] So peaceful.
[Jesus:] Oh the snow is cooling my charred ash.
[MC Chris:] Jesus is ok.
[Jesus:] Oh god.
[Jesus:] Oh skiers are skiing on me!
[MC Chris:] Ahh Jesus you're being skied on!
[Jesus:] Skiers are skiing all over me!
[MC Chris:] oh Jesus!
[Jesus:] I don't wanna die here!
[MC Chris:] Oh Jesus you poor soul!
[Jesus:] And I'm dead!
[MC Chris:] You died twice!
[Jesus:] I'm dead.
[MC Chris:] You're dead twice.
[Jesus:] I'm dead.
[harp music]
[Jesus:] Well that didn't work.
[MC Chris:] Sorry dude.
[Jesus:] Obviously I died and my soul came back to heaven.
[Jesus:] Hey, are you saint peter?
[MC Chris:] What? No dude.
[Jesus:] *slap* I'm just fucking with you. [laughs]
[MC Chris:] You're always fucking with me Jesus you son of a...
[Jesus:] oh man I got you.
[MC Chris:] You got me.
[Jesus:] Hey kid.
[MC Chris:] Yeah?
I'm like Kenny Rogers in Six Pack
Girls won't give my dick back
All this sex affects my syntax
The pistol I pack's impact
Make's you gasp infact
So sit back, relax
While I grind this axe
On your Brazillian wax
Without finishing fast
I bask in the slash
Underneath your cinnamon ass
About ten minutes it lasts
I pull it out and pass gas
My name is MC Chris
Kinda cute
Kinda crass
Ladies love me sending pic's
Where they're scantilly clad
Send some back
Then invite them to come crash at my pad
They're like
O M G, Oh whut up, that'd be so rad
We make the beast with two backs
Until we both get whiplash
Get with the program
Strip to the slow jam
Slip on a Trojan
Kissin' the toes and
Move to the knees
Go back, repeat
The job ain't done
'Til you ruin the sheets
My name is MC
And your name is a creep
Because you creep into my bed
About every week
Tractor beam on my bed
Got you actin' le freak
Tractor beam on my bed
Got you actin' le freak
I should be flirtin' with virgins
Instead of jerkin' my gerkin
I should be working the circuit
Assertive for certain
With little aversion
They all open they curtains
Mini me starts emergin
To be rid of his burden
Did I fail to mention
All the ladies say word
Got a panty collection
Like a Japanese perv
They're prepared to purr
And to serve up they curves
I skip the main course
I prefer the hors d'overs
I like thongs, like grannies
Like any old panties
Hanging on the lampshades
As I tap on her back space
I like bows, like lace
Like suckin' her face
I like fuckin' her waist
I make a bucket of paste
When her eyes roll back
It means her memory's erase
Slow-mo, tip-toe
My ass out of her place
I quickly run to the clinic
A q-tip in my dick
I wait two very long weeks
To know if these nuts need a medic
So c'mon
Get with the program
Strip to the slow jam
Slip on a Trojan
Kissin' the toes and
Move to the knees
Go back, repeat
The job ain't done
'Til you ruin the sheets
My name is MC
And your name is a creep
Because you creep into my bed
About every week
Tractor beam on my bed
Got you actin' le freak
Tractor beam on my bed
... Those guys. You're a Wanderer.
Now I'm a wanderer Joey. You can't be a Wanderer after graduation. I'm thinking about the future, Joey!
I'll be a Fordham Baldie. Wait and see the Baldies got it made.
(Heeeeeeeey oh, heeeeeeeey oh)
One two kick it maestro
Name is mc chris and yo I must confess
If you find me at the beach yo man I'm always finely dressed
Got my low ride Chucks holy possibly arrestin
If you get me on the dance floor then you'll be impressed
Cause I am the one you like and I got the flavor that flows
If you kick it in the front mc'll kick it in the back
And I'll even help you pick your nose God-damn
So if your ass get interested and you'd like to take a peek
Just check me out like a book-it book
Mine is the shit that reeks
That is a fools mind
Mine is the shit that reeks
Cause a weak mind
Mine is the shit that reeks
Mine is the shit that reeks
(Heeeeeeeey oh, heeeeeeeey oh)
That's right everybody mc chris is going chillin' out in Manhattan
He's kicking it live 24 hours a night and day
You come and check him out ladies...
[Man:] Ranch dressing. Thank you, thank you sir, you are... thank you... very kind.
[whistling]
[Man:] You are MC Chris.
MC Chris Uh no.
[Man:] I got all your cassette tapes.
[MC Chris:] I... I'm not mc chris he's dead.
[Man:] MC Chris I got all your cassette tapes.
[MC Chris:] I never put out cassette tapes and he's dead.
[Man:] I got here... I got... I got this song.
[MC Chris:] And uh I can't.
[Man:] I got this song idea for you
[MC Chris:] I'm in a hurry
[Man:] I got this song.
[MC Chris:] I gotta.
[Man:] It's about.
[MC Chris:] Uh I just gotta.
[Man:] It's about babys.
[MC Chris:] I'm act... I'm actually in a hurry.
[Man:] Called smackababy.
[MC Chris:] It's a very interesting title.
[Man:] hang on.
[MC Chris:] I'm in a hurry I just...
[Man:] Hang on hang on.
[MC Chris:] ok.
[Man:] Hold tight sir I need to get in tune.
[MC Chris:] Alright is this going to take a long...
[Man:] Close enough close enough.
[MC Chris:] Ok good alright.
[guitar begins playing]
Smack... smackababy, smackababy make me go crazy
Smackababy you cry and I die smackababy, smackababy
You cry... you cry and I you s... you, you look like...
You sound like a little cocker spaniel
Gon taste of my smack Daniel
Smackababy, smackababy...
[guitar still playing]
[MC Chris:] [interrupting] Is that it? Is that it? That was great.
[Man:] Thank you God bless you sir.
[MC Chris:] I love it that was amazing very impressed.
[Man:] God bless you.
[MC Chris:] Here's some change.
[Man:] God bless you MC Chris.
[MC Chris:] I'm not MC Chris he's dead
Mr. Chandler, MC Chris is here to see you.
Brrr, send him in!
Hey! Mr. Chandler, what's happening man?
Heeeey kid...
How you doing? I haven't seen you in like forever man.
Yeah yeah...
What's happening? What you call me here for man?
Come over here, take a pew, sit down, let's talk some business.
Shiiit man, and you look great! I haven't seen you in like forever man, you like lost weight.
Thanks.
You, did you get lasik surgery?
Lasik surgery? No! I got 20-20 vision. Are you drunk?
Yes, I am drunk. Aaaand I'm proud of it, there was a show last night and it was off the hizzle for bliggle. And we did some cocaine and some methamphetamines, by seven o'clock in the morning I was riding a whole team of horses on the ocean, the skin of the water man.
What? What's the matter with you?
What?
You spending money we don't have man! You gotta remember my fortune's tied to yours! My kids are eating out of dumpsters. Look at this! Look at this thin sliver of a desk I have. They repossessed 80% of my desk! And you know how much I like hotdogs! There's no room for hotdogs on my desk anymore! You see that? What's wrong with you? You gotta start making mooneeey!
I'm sorry! I'm trying the best I possibly can! I'm just one man! Have you heard the new songs man? You heard the skits?
Yeah, but the songs stinks! And the skits are costing too much cheddar maaan!
We, we need those skits they break up the monotony of the music and people come to exp...
I don't get the whole skit thing, frankly they're not funny. They're NOT funny.
It's funny aaaand people love 'em.
It's just references. Who's getting these references?
A lot of people are! Everybody gets when you hear something you've heard before that's comedyyyy!
No, that's not comedy. The songs you're writing now are garbage. Everybody hates them.
What are you talking about? They're hilarious!
You gotta get back to your roots. What was that song everybody liked?
Hijack?
Uhah! No! The song, that everybody liked. It was popular. People quoted it.
Tussin.
Tussin? ! No! What the hell is Tussin? It was the song about the guy from Star Wars in his car...
Fett's Vette, Fett's Vette.
No, it was the bounty hunter from Star Wars in his...
Yeah, it's Fett's Vette Mr. Chandler!
No, it was that guy, he was a bounty hunter, he was in Star Wars...
Mr. Chandler! It's Fett's Vette! Listen to me! Look at me! Look at me in the eye! It's Fett's Vette!
What was it?
Fett's Vette!
Yeah, Fett's Vette, that's it. You gotta write more songs like Fett's Vette. Come on, there were like twelve bounty hunters on that super star destroyer.
Ahhh! Come on Mr. Chandler it's played out! You can't ask me to do this!
It's not played out, what am I telling you here? You gotta write more songs about bounty hunters from Star Wars, in vehicles. Like. I can't believe I'm coming up with this for ya. Uh uh, Zuckuss' Prius or uuuhh, IG-88's '57 Chevy.
Awwhh Mr. Chandler!
Dengar's Dump Truck!
They are great ideas, listen. If you put Bossk on a Segway, you gonna sell records! Now let me cleverly use that to segue to my next point to you, which is that you gotta get out on the red carpet!
I get out on the red carpet all the time! Me... I ate my girls last night! Yum!
No! I'm not talking about giving cunnilingus while a woman is menstruating. I'm talking about getting out there, shaking people's hands. I'm talking about getting the name out there! Get into some car accidents with Lindsey Lohan!
I can't into a car accident they won't let me drive a car cause I have a pegleg.
Keep fighting me, see where it gets ya. Get out there! Get to the YouTube awards! Get to the internet Emmies!
They have those?
I don't know if they have those! Get on the internet, find out! And if they exist, go to them! You gotta get out and impress the flesh!
Mr Chandler, those two assassins you hired to kill MC Chris one the red carpet so as to cement his icon status and increase record sales are on line two.
Oooh... Busted... Uhhh... I gotta take this call.
Uuuh OK Mr. Chandler, I guess I'll just head on out!
Hey kid!
Yeah, Mr. Chandler?
Get the fuck out of my office!
Its 1986 I'm in the 1st grade,
I'm workin really hard to get Mario laid.
I got to save the princess so he could get the pussy,
believe me Mario will get that ass, so fuck Luigi.
Mario really wants to get her in bed,
so bad that he's bustin' up bricks with his head.
He just wants sex,so forget the wedding bells,
jumping on mushrooms,led,and turtle shells.
Droppin down green pipes and secret passageways,
Makin his move to the end,
where the final castle lays.
Eat a magic mushroom grow a little higher,
eat a white flower and spit balls of fire.
All these creatures that attack,won't cut mario some slack.
Oh shit hold on i'll be right back...
I'm gonna beat the game if it takes me all summer,
it's gotta be hard to get laid if your a plumber.
That's why I'm gonna work extra hard for my man,
and get him to the end so he can stop usin his hand.
Mario doesn't want to get hit, he'll shrink,
the princess won't fuck a little kid, I think.
So stay calm and attend to your own,
and evenually the princess will attend to your bone.
(Chorus)
Save the princess quick,
because she wants a dick,
and if you let her free,
you get the pussy.2x
Bowsers tryin to get head from the princess,
but if it was up to me that shit'll stop this instant.
cloud people throwin little spiked animals,
green plants with teeth and attack like cannibals.
i heard nobody yet run in the princess oven ,
and mario always says, virgins' i love 'em.
I hate the koopa troopas so im gonna run up,
and jump on teh back of their shells till i get 1 of UP.
Im gonna keep playin and im never gonna quit,
cuz some kid told me you could see the princess tits.
I wanna beat it before any of my frineds do,
so i could say i put pussy on mario's menu.
At the end of each level i jump and get the flag,
and say to myself another castle in the bag.
i hope bowsers ready cuz he's in for a ride,
and mario's serious when it comes to homicide.
The princess is a freak even though she has class,
Mario will take a plunger and put it in her ass.
i hate the cannons that shoot at you constantly,
and i hate the platfroms that fall out from below me.
Its all worth while,just to see mario smile
standing next to the princess buttnaked profile,
That's why its my crusade to get mario laid.
Super Mario Brother's best game ever made.
I'm deathly pale bad breath bad teeth
Hit the sand and the sun
Never see me at the beach
Always tip a guy (cheap)
Transfixed on death
That I wear black britches
I insist on nice breasts
I sleep in the grave
Lived through the black plague
See that's not my fault
But the boogy that caved
Bringing hair down till
Your booking farts and clown?
Must be stocking trades?
See me starting trends
Black or white striped too
Or a blood red test
Got jack on my hand
And japan is monster
Like a chin changing's greats in disguises
Birds says I'm the best in the crisis
Parents want me cleaning up like my brother
Bark you saying work while all others
Now I'm in the pin and my methods are vicious
Say my name 3 times if you wanna get connected
Beetlejuice, beetlejuice 1, 2, 3
I like a little name her name is lydia deetz
Turned to meaner as her parents as a pests that sweep
Don't try to deny for the ride to be
Beetlejuice, beetlejuice 1, 2, 3
I like a little name her name is lydia deetz
Turned to meaner as her parents as a pests that sweep
Don't try to deny for the ride to be
Hey k mart shoppers there's a sale on my services
I'm here to help there's no need for your nervices
I eat what you wanna eat swallow what you say
I'll relieve you of the living that are ruining your day
Have you read the handbook for the recently deceased?
If you pick up my dick when I take a little deep
It's the key to my relase from this model existance
Pop allowence confinded and I'm the one I'm presistant
Me and the dragster of doom we're the baddest to do
With the inferno room that the ladies can do
I work totally cool so I become a rageur
Get little lydia the lip syncing I do
I must move the maitlands out of my way
Give us up a lift put your plate on my face
Say hello to hammerhands say goodbye to geladen
After I fillet with my review do rave?
Triple face plant
We like the sex not 8 tracks
Clown face much like
The one you see in dark night
Being dead kinda sucks
The afterlifes no fun to us
I'm the name the people trust
The juice that comes from beetle guts
[Clip from movie]
Beetlejuice, beetlejuice 1, 2, 3
I like a little name her name is lydia deetz
Turned to meaner as her parents as a pests that sweep
Don't try to deny for the ride to be
Beetlejuice, beetlejuice 1, 2, 3
I like a little name her name is lydia deetz
Turned to meaner as her parents as a pests that sweep
Don't try to deny for the ride to be
Beetlejuice, beetlejuice
Bee-bee-beetlejuice, beetlejuice
Beetlejuice, beetlejuice
Blue jeans, check! Black-T, check!
Record my raps on a cassette tape deck.
Wearin' no sweats 'cause Nike owns Chucks.
Three rows of studs 'cause hoes wanna fuh-!
Axe to max on my nasty socks,
synchronize with a text but I guess I'm blocked.
I'd leave voicemail but it would just be mocked.
Wake up my mom, dad'd clean my clock!
"Hey, mom, it's me - no need for alarm.
Gonna be a party that's the straight-up bomb.
Here's your keys and your coat and Louis Vuitton."
She's like, "Uggghhh...," and you know that it's on!
She's gotta do some errands and a couple of chores,
drop the videos off, hit the grocery store.
"If your gonna be a bitch, trick, get on all fours!"
"If you don't watch that lip, it's goodbye to your porn!"
Word is born, say no worries and we're out in a hurry.
I beg for Mickey D's, cold mac a McFlurry.
Pulls the Prius into Payless and I start gettin' worried.
Turn on the radio, started listning to Journey.
Don't start the party with out me!
Say it one more time, but this time say it loudly!
I said don't start the party with out me!
Say it one more time, but this time say it loudly!
I bet there's pot, I never tried it.
Bet there's lots, I'm so excited.
My first beer, no fear, why fight it?
Hope it's not a problem that I'm not invited!
Got a party jones like I'm a Kennedy.
Eleven-fifteen, night was never meant to be.
My maternal enemy is sure to be the end of me.
She in there buyin' shoes like she a centipede.
Next to the pharmacy, I mac on a magazine.
Party's thumpin' in my brain, blood throbbin' to the beat.
I can see the honey bees while they're breakin' up the trees,
shotugn with tongue; that'd be off the heez!
Bitch, please! Not Barnes and Noble!
Clock's tickin', everybody's totaled.
By the time I get there, there'll be nobody home.
Dont get me started, just get me stoned!
Don't start the party with out me!
Say it one more time, but this time say it loudly!
I said don't start the party with out me!
Say it one more time, but this time say it loudly!
PARTY!
...Without me...
CVS, Payless, Barnes and Blockbuster.
Hit by tear gas made of minimall mustard.
Buyin' tampons, rentin' Prince of Tides,
Grease 2, and Just One of the Guys.
One hell of a night, one hell of a ride.
If you're not allowed to drive, gotta empathize.
I'm way in the back, prayin', "Jesus, please!"
Watchin' Dora the Explorer on the DVD,
and why didn't we hit the party in the first place?
"'Cause I don't want my son gettin' shit-faced!"
I did a spit take, it's almost midnight,
keg's tapped, no fun, no fist fights.
Goodnight, goodbye, sweet Bacchanal
that was somewhere in the condos by the shopping mall.
She's says I'm too young for beer and drugs.
"Maybe when you're grown up, you can go and get crunk."
Don't start the party with out me!
Say it one more time, but this time say it loudly!
I said don't start the party with out me!
Say it one more time, but this time say it loudly!
Don't start the party with out me!
Say it one more time, but this time say it loudly!
I said don't start the party with out me!
Say it one more time, but this time say it loudly!
PARTY!
...Without me...
PARTY!
...Without me...
PARTY!
...Without me...
PARTY!
[Intro:]
Thanks for choosing Arby's.
Would you like to try one of our brand new toasted subs?
That's right, Arby's now has toasted subs.
Would you like to try our brand new jalapeno bites with bronco berry sauce?
That's right, we now have jalapeno bites with bronco berry sauce.
Your total is five dollars and... thirty... seven cents. Please pull around.
We're like two cakes, two potato cakes
We're like two cakes, two potato cakes
We're like two cakes, two potato cakes
We're like two cakes, two cakes
She not allergic to nerd urgin but she's shy to serve it
I'm so bitter 'bout shit, she gives me a lift and I'm nervous
See we both work at Arby's but in separate sections
And she doesn't know I like her, that she gives me erections
She's up at the counter, I'm in the hole in the back
Taking orders, making change, putting toys in the bags
We smoke buttes on occasion, and I really can't stand it
But she's from another planet so I deal like I'm Gambit
Smoke breaks are like dates, so I don't mind the coughin'
But I'd rather get blazed with the cook in the walk-in
But I feel like I'm stalkin, I can tell she's uneasy
Not appeasing to be creepin' so I still hold her cheesy
At the end of the night, I'm sure to ask for a ride
Been a really long day, I feel like dying inside
Feel like driving all night, home life's kind of fucked
Never dropped me off, never rolled the window up
What?
We're like two cakes (we're like two cakes), two cakes, two potato cakes (two cakes, two cakes)
We're like two cakes (we're like two cakes), two cakes, two potato cakes (two cakes)
We're like two cakes (we're like two cakes), two cakes, two potato cakes (two cakes, two cakes)
We're like two cakes (we're like two cakes), two cakes, two potato cakes (two potato cakes)
Up at 6:30, take a shower 'cause I'm dirty
Go to school, keep on flirting with this girl I think is purty
Yeah, I know she's gonna hurt me but it's worth it I assure it
She's so perfect, I'm so putrid, Where is cupid and some courage?
I will love her always, torment in the hallways
Treated like a cretin, something creepin' in your crawl space
See her at the lockers, see her knockers in her sweater
Soon she'll find the letter where I go ahead and tell her
She's like, "I'm so stoked, I got a date to the dance! "
Well there's a girl from art class, that I guess I could ask
"You should go, we could double, there's a really big party
Oh, by the way, I've got good news, I finally quit Arby's
I'm a hostess at Chili's and it's really the bomb
My date's a waiter there, it's where he asked me to prom"
And so I linger on with my pale blue eyes
Walkin' through the hood cause I've lost my ride
This job is alright, as far as fast food goes
Free grub is a perk, but the benefits blow
If the manager's cool we get to chief in the store
Turn the stereo on, while we're sweepin' the floor
Well the jocks they know I work here and they recognize my voice
Throw empties at my window but that's beside the point
It's a minimum wage, it's a bit of a pain
But every check was worth it cause her beautiful face
This job is alright, as far as fast food goes
Free grub is a perk, but the benefits blow
If the manager's cool we get to chief in the store
Turn the stereo on, while we're sweepin' the floor
Well the jocks they know I work here and they recognize my voice
Throw empties at my window but that's beside the point
It's a minimum wage, it's a bit of a pain
But every check was worth it cause her beautiful face
And so I survive, I'm prepared to do prep
I'm sweating by the ovens, someone turn on the vents
What a turn of events, now I'm sort of a mess
There's a new girl she retarded, now the manager's tense
The cook's out of weed, and I kinda miss it
But I still show up for work like this shit is no big
Like my heart is not broke, like she done me no harm
I don't wanna be a wuss so I still set my alarm
I'm upset but not emo, and there's no one to fight
I can block the empties with a shield like I'm prototype
Close the window to the world if it's not acting quite right
Pack the pipe in the parking lot with manager Mike
I can deal with this shirt, I got really cool bosses
I can stock the desert, I can marinade the sauces
It's scary but awesome, when it comes to my job
I never even think about the time I was robbed
[Gunshot]
We're like two cakes (we're like two cakes), two cakes, two potato cakes (two cakes, two cakes)
We're like two cakes (we're like two cakes), two cakes, two potato cakes (two cakes)
We're like two cakes (we're like two cakes), two cakes, two potato cakes (two cakes, two cakes)
way back college boy asked to a high school dance
couldn't wait, but my date was in my friend's pants.
didn't know what to do, mc feelin blue,
til my best friend said that the red would get me through.
went to the drew with my crew, adults only box,
in a second hand suit, bow tie, i'm a fox.
in a car on the street, in my mouth swisher sweet
down that shit at my crib in a one gulp feat,
room starts to turn like cheese,
my tummy starts to churn like grease,
on my knees like a rug burn beast
like an intern tease with a yeast (infection.)
all the while on the tile, feel like I got the flu.
think I'm gonna throw, I think this night is through
ding dong, date's arrived and her dress is ripped.
she don't know I'm on a robotussin trip.
in the back two girls going stag fat asses.
i demand from the date her sunglasses.
do a drop roll out the car like axel.
I need an angel, I need some fuckin advil.
I got a buzz bigger than a behive
cough up my cookies let loose what's on the inside
chorus
the tussin, the tussin
put it down like it was nothing
robocop couldn't stop me puking and flushin
no balls to be bustin, no fightin, no cussin
just love for a drug called robotussin
way back college boy, live on eleventh floor.
head out my window, wonder what I'm living for.
knock on my door, what's in store, it's my buddy bux
with the rabbit ear pockets saying he is out of luck.
Need a forty for party thrown by laura kang at rubin.
all he's got is snot and a box full of ludens.
Tell'm bout the tussin, we're hayden ho hustlin'
interupting discussions about reagonomic reprocussions.
Fuck'm, we're fuckin chug luggin.
soon my stomach I'm huggin I'm trippin or something
my coat I button, keep it down like a dungeon.
you could call me the cough medicine curmudgeon.
frankly, the feeling's fuckin fantastic
I'm tripping like jesus in the desert when he fasted,
Like it's the night before we all get drafted,
Like we're rowing through some rapids with Kevin Bacon, white water rafting
Like you're at epcot center on acid? Exactly.
I got an allergy for every pedigree
So I got myself a robot that's Japanese
But yo, he's hard to please
He's always gotta pee
But he nevers sips a drip
This chip is playin' me
The way it plays ladies is such a sight to see
He gets more digits than I could inside my wildest dreams
He plays the ho's
Instead of playing fetch with me
He sniffs the toes of
Tiffany and Stefanie
That brings up Emily
She was my latest squeeze
Robot dog stole that girl
Right out from under me
Sometimes I wonder why
I supply the energy
To my mortal enemy
That should be a best friend to me
Robot dog, he down tequila out of Tommy navel
Robot dog, he drinks his owner underneath the table
Robot dog, I'm afraid this foe is fuckin' fatal
I'm about to go pre-natal, end up in a baby cradle
Robot dog, turn him off, motherfucker
Say, turn him off
Robot dog, turn him off, motherfucker
Say, turn him off
He never pays the rent
He kicks me out of bed
I'm the pissed submissive
He's the fuckin' dominance
And it's been really tense
I'm feiging impotence
I got a robot dog
And haven't gotten any since
All my pals are fuckin'
Meloncholy malcontents
From Malcom In The Middle
To Malcom X
He eats filet migon
I'm eating fuckin' Alphabits
And the motherfucker just left me
The consanants
I hold his leash while
He gets all the compliments
He gets more attention than
A one eyed elephant
He's in the club
I'm in my car
Out of my element
In a Honda Element
Feeling irrelelvent
But it's on like it's Vaugh comma Vince
I wanna be gone like I'm
Jon Favreau havin' a fit
He's surrounded by chicks
Rubbing their D cup tits
I flip the toilet lid
Read a Maxim mag, bust a couple kids
Robot dog, he down tequila out of Tommy navel
Robot dog, he drinks his owner underneath the table
Robot dog, I'm afraid this foe is fuckin' fatal
I'm about to go pre-natal, end up in a baby cradle
Robot dog, turn him off, motherfucker
Say, turn him off
Robot dog, turn him off, motherfucker
(Wait now I'll just start)
You begin and then I'm gonna come in
(Ok)
One two, one two ready go kick it
It's mc chris I'm not home right now
I'm out in the meadow cause I'm busy tipping cows
I'm drinkin' cause we're all hanging out
Cause we like to get crazy and shout
Yeeeeeah alright baby ohhhhhh yeeeeeah whoooo
Hello, my name's mc chris
I am white and I rap
I know that you think my voice is kinda annoying
But when it is on a mic
It is nice, kinda like
The wind through windchimes at night
Now knight me The Boy King
I'll require a throne and hoes
Don't forget, lots of dro
Wasn't long ago I lived on milk and kidney beans
But, now I've been vilified
Thanks to these
Mic skills of mine
Nerds, they all get in a line with things to sign, mc
Groupies throw their thongs and bras
Midget girls, Amazons
Take 'em home, pajamas on
Let's play some hide-and-seek
But don't worry Dad and Mom,
Always have a condom on
I got better sense than that
Don't wanna catch v.d.
Did I discuss my dividends?
That depends,
Are we friends?
If we are then I can say I'm slingin' wicked bling
Enough that I can loan you some
Whatcha want, 100 bucks?
Pay your rent, buy you a tux
To me it's not a thing
In the end it's just revenge
Honor, that's my last defense
They should not have been so cruel
So callous in their ways
They were jealous of my depth
They would not give it a rest
Hope my story's end sends them to an early grave
Everything's just as I planned
I'm the bomb
I'm the man
Sold out shows, New York, Japan, I fill the stands with teens
Hope they don't mind a melted face
The smell of toast
Metallic taste
That's the smell of burnin' brains, you can blame mc
Fire and brimstone
Wrath of Hell
Take the cards you've been dealt
Take your wife to the hotel and F her in the tub
Key your car and steal your mail
Think I won't? I will prevail
My jams will be anthems causing tantrums in the clubs
Riot gear and dissidence
A loss of life and innocence
Parachute apocalypse
It's like it's World War III
Cause I failed a fitness test
Doesn't mean you have to jest
Maybe I should fill your chest with some gasoline
You might want to look away
While the flames eat your face
You'll be nothing but a bunch of bones, perhaps some teeth
Hope you learned your lesson dude
A little less ineptitude
Please be kind to others you'll be smothered in your sleep
Bitches need to understand you don't fuck with mc
Bitches need to understand you don't fuck with mc
"Oh, mc, won't you rhyme for me one time..."
To the chicks and the bros, to the pimps and the hoes,
cheap seats to the front row!
"Oh, mc, won't you rhyme for me one time..."
To the kids in the Polo, to the nasty-ass hobos;
welcome to the mc chris show!
Okay, you want a rhyme, how would you like it cooked?
I only serve it well, you can check the record books.
You can check my record sales, not bad for an Indie.
Want square beef, then go eat at Wendy's.
Now nerds are trendy, they call it Geek Chic.
Nerds never noticed, they were on their PCs.
Never mind a chill pill, you ill will get deep freezed,
now hold up for a second - mc can't breathe!
HUUUHHH! Okay, I'm back, I shouldn't have left you.
I'm Max on the tracks, I might need some Headroom.
Allergic to my deaf tunes like they were legumes;
in the distance, you'll be limbless sayin', "Just a flesh wound!"
Sometimes I rhyme fast, sometimes I drink quick.
If this was gym class, I'd be the last picked,
but it's a rap record, a brand new jam fix.
Wait 'til the fans get their hands on this shit.
"Oh, mc, won't you rhyme for me one time..."
To the chicks and the bros, to the pimps and the hoes,
cheap seats to the front row!
"Oh, mc, won't you rhyme for me one time..."
To the kids in the Polo, to the nasty-ass hobos;
welcome to the mc chris show!
Are you lost and alone like a lonely little goldfish?
We fit together like soap in a soap dish.
I know you think that it's hopeless.
Well, let me fill you up with a cup of hot dopeness.
Kids, they quote Chris. Think I don't know this?
Check the flow, bitch, you need to get to know kitsch.
If the niche fits, kids foamin' with canip' spit,
better stick 'cause a nine to five's for dipshits.
Ends with interest sweeter than a Chipwich,
stick to ya ribs like barbecue beef brisket.
Visit for a minute, get baked like I'm Bisquick.
Leave the ladies horny, give the dogs little lipsticks.
It's the hip shit.
Let your soul and spirit fly into the mystic.
Every song's on your wishlist. Every day's mcchristmas.
Now can I get a witness?
"Oh, mc, won't you rhyme for me one time..."
To the chicks and the bros, to the pimps and the hoes,
cheap seats to the front row!
"Oh, mc, won't you rhyme for me one time..."
To the kids in the Polo, to the nasty-ass hobos;
Hey guys you ever fall in love?
When I first saw you and you looked into my eyes I knew, right then and right there that I had fallen
Head over heels.
That's when I knew I had to ask you out on a... what they call it Lee Majors?
Help me out. One time!
First date you're lookin' great tonight
I think that I might take a chance tonight
First date you're lookin' great toniiiiiiiight
Hold all the doors for you pull out chairs for you
Nobody cares for you like I do, like I do
Clip my nails for you chop off the tails for you
Well I don't know you but I feel like I do
First date you're lookin' great tonight
I think that I might take a chance tonight
First date you're lookin' great toniiiiiiiight
I'll buy you popcorn I'll buy you coke
We go outside and sniff a smoke
I make a joke and you laugh like it's funny
Girlfriend you're straight up money
First date you're lookin' great tonight
I think that I might take a chance tonight
First date you're lookin' great toniiiiiiiight
Woah-oh
Oh-woah, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Woah-oh
Ahhhhhh!
Oh, Yeahhhhh!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yea-ah!
First date you're lookin' great tonight
I think that I might take a chance tonight
First date you're lookin' great toniiiiiiiight
[x2]
La-da la-da la-da la-da
First Daaaaate!
Waaaaaaii-ai-ai-ai-oh-oh-oh!
Oh Yeah! Oh Yeah
Ohhhh...
Hey this Horatio guy is a Shakespeare character in Hamlet.
I read the cliff notes in ninth grade I'm not a complete imbecile.
Like oh my Gooooood
Yo ladies what's goin on? Yo you wanna get with mc chris you gotta get with me.
Like Peggy and Al, Alex, Jennifer and Mal
Like the Mississippi or the Panama Canel
Like Miss Piggy or the buxom Bev Belle
Name is mc chris and I'm like a val gal
Cause I say like, like My So-Called Life
But too many times and it just ain't right
They say it's just a word like um or uh
Say it too many times it might as well be duh
Kinda sorta whatever and peachy keen
I sound like love letters in Seventeen magazine
Word up oooooooh
Pop goes the weasel cause the weasel makes pop references
Like the Drummonds the Beatys' and the Jeffersons
Pop goes the weasel cause the weasel is screech
I'm livin the life style described by Robin Leach
You know what I'm sayin'?
I'm like fuckin' awesome like David and Goliath
I can dance like Blossom bang your head like Quiet Riot
Beats I might like boss and pass the J to Spicoli
Kick your ass like Axl Foley while you scream holy frijoles
Drinkin shots and still I make you run for the chaser
Like ObiWan Kenobi I display my lightsaber
A Speed racer lazer target your pencil eraser
I'll rub you out name is mc chris your favorite flavor
Above 32 I cut loose like footloose
I'm cool and refreshing like a tall glass of orange juice
You know what I'm sayin'? oooooooh
Pop goes the weasel Cause the weasel is brainless
Jiffy pop on top cause the pop is painless
Like gag me with a spoon cause your shit's like heinous
Pop takes me to the moon cause pop's about being famous
Are you listening to me? By the way there's a naked women in your office shall I tell her to wait?
Say you're pregnant...
I'm pregnant.
That's not funny Say you're pregnant would you tell your best friend?
Ask her?
But what if she'd get an abortion?
I wouldn't dare do it.
Like Eddie is to Coltrane, like Beavis is to butt pain
I lie like cocaine never low like lo mein
Cause fires like propane I'm insane in the membrane
Excuse me for a moment while I drain the main vein
Life's not a board game like Candyland or Chess
Name is mc chris and you know that I'm the best
I'm like Jack Tripper surrounded by the girlies
You with your ascot you're Don Knotts, you're Mr. Furley
You never heard me like your gnarly like cherry
You be George Costanza I'll be smooth like Jerry
Word up oooooooh
Pop goes the weasel cause the weasel got me eagles
That didn't stop Fonzie from actin' like Evil Kenevil
Fuckin evil I'll pop your bubble like the game trouble
[Silence]
[MC Chris:] Whu where am I? It's so hot in here it's boiling up!
[Virgil the Poet:] Welcome to hell
[MC Chris:] Hi! Than- oh wow, to hell! That's where I am? It's hot!
[Virgil the Poet:] It's hot by definition
[MC Chris:] This is hell? It's a strong temperature shift. You really gotta warn somebody before they pop you into that void
[Virgil the Poet:] Wha-what are you talking about? That's all we ever do is warn people. You ever hear "it's hot as hell"? It's kinda an old phrase?
[MC Chris:] Right.
A regular arachnid,
Back with the hat trick,
A rappin' maniac was a little rappin' fat kid,
Now I pack venues
Like they was a bowl,
Microtrash, microblast, from my mighty microphone.
Rap for my mom's Bridge club,
Back in the day,
At Bible camp I would rap
So maybe I could get laid,
Backstage it was a blaze,
Different days of rehearsal,
Before I smoked the purple
With a circle of Urkles.
Took my rappin' to Manhattan,
Where the motto's do or die,
Didn't know a single soul,
And soon it's suicide,
I'm feelin' microscopic down on Madison Ave.,
I could jump from a window,
Or in front of a cab,
Then, mc chris arrives
Said I'll surely survive,
If you feel like you can't function,
Start shuckin' the jive,
Don't drown in the sound
Of your certain demise,
Just be a different person if you're hurting inside.
(Never give up, never surrender,
I'm gonna pick you up like they did in Defender,
No shame in your game,
'cause your name ain't Ender,
Never give up,
Never surrender!) [x2]
Felt like I was weird,
Like I didn't belong,
Like I was broken and wrong,
And better off gone,
It's hard to see the future when the present tense is suckin',
It's hard to keep truckin' when you're stuck at loser junction.
You can't call it quits,
Don't throw in the towel,
You can take a lot of licks,
So never listen to the owl,
Don't listen to the pundits,
The haters or the critics,
You can suck my di-dick,
Take a leap at Chappaquiddick,
The Chronicles of Riddick,
Watched the movies and the credits,
Wouldn't leave the theater
'cause I felt like I'd regret it,
The city was so big,
And frankly it wasn't feelin' right,
And besides I wanna find out who's the dolly grip on Demon Knight.
But then I met a friend and he kinda showed me music,
NOFX and MTX it mixed me up like Rubix,
I found a path and called it rap,
It helped me escape,
If you feel rotten and forgotten,
Remember there'll be better days.
(Never give up, never surrender,
I'm gonna pick you up like they did in Defender,
No shame in your game,
'cause your name ain't Ender,
Never give up,
Never surrender!) [x2]
(You can never give up,
You can never surrender,
Fight the good fight
'till the end of the night and,
Always remember.) [x4]
That you can never give up,
Nerd girl, I don't deserve you
I don't get the references you refer to
I love your Lipsmackers and your lack of perfume
I hope to get you home by curfew
Word up!
There's a special kind of girl that goes to my shows
And I don't mean the groupie hos
All along the front row
She's more like a wallflower
Like the one that Stryker sniped
I'm like elixir when I'm with her
'Cause I think I like her type
She might seem shy in person, it's no lie
She's always nervous
But the verdict is she's worth it
She gets crap but don't deserve it
She look like Emily Strange
Always ravin' 'bout her favs
Wanna conquer her like Kang
When you kiss like Cassie Lang
There's no way I can pronounce Neo Geo Evangelion
I can't refute 'cause she's so cute
And so I suck my belly in
X-23 and Hellion, odd couple, to be kind
She's in my heart and in my mind
And now she's in my rhymes
She's wordy and verbose
Prolific and prone to prose
Always sick and has a cold
Stuffed nose she's got to blow
I've got many cold remedies, many old enemies
I've got a girl that kick their ass like River from Serenity
Nerd girl, I don't deserve you
I don't get the references you refer to
I love your Lipsmackers and your lack of perfume
I hope to get you home by curfew
Word up!
Her parents are divorced
And there's often daddy issues
Try not to take advantage
While I hand her all my tissues
She hips me to the bands she likes
I couldn't be more clueless
Every word comes out her mouth
Is now on my to-do list
She's romantic, known to panic
With anxiety attacks
Literary, it's so scary
Reading Brontes back to back
She's playing Ragnarok on her mother's Magnavox
She's underneath my skin like a million nanobots
She's like Annie Potts in 'Busters
Get my freak on like I'm Egon
Say third base right to her face
And she will be like, be gone
If not now know I can wait like Lucas and the locusts
And you know this we'll by glow sticks
Stay up late, perfect the slow kiss
You can't resist Chris 'cause he helps you de-stress
While you play Animal Crossing on your Nintendo DS
Baby, if we can't be a couple
Give up on getting married
I'll remember we connected
And how it happens so rarely
(I'm serious, girl!)
Nerd girl, I don't deserve you
I don't get the references you refer to
I love your Lipsmackers and your lack of perfume
I hope to get you home by curfew
Word up!
Nerd girl, I don't deserve you
I don't get the references you refer to
I love your Lipsmackers and your lack of perfume
I hope to get you home by curfew
Word up!
Nerd girl, I don't deserve you
I don't get the references you refer to
I love your Lipsmackers and your lack of perfume
I hope to get you home by curfew
MC Chris is dead and he ain't never coming back
You should have been nicer when you were blazin' up the track
No well wishers, it's just bitches talkin' trash
'Cause the aftermath is saying that rap is whack
(MC Chris is dead!)
On arrival, watch his rivals revel the jealous
Relish the moment their opponent went to bevel
Six feet under, what a bummer, it's no wonder the waste
Could have been a contender, now maggots march in his face
MC's often in his coffin, lyin' down, lost in thought
Groupies gather at the grave and done throw posies on the pot
Haters hate off in the distance, telescoping with binoc's
Smoking basket after laughing, get their knickers in knots
They play, in the park, in the dark, where they spark a spliff
Raise it high in the sky and cry "This shit is for Chris"
Then the talent tailor, how he really was a pimp
Hands wanted to be on, just want to be on his dick
I'll wait to the day's end when the moon is high
And then I'll rise with the tide with a lust for life, I'll
Amass an army, yeah we're hard as a whore
And then we'll limp across the land until we stand at the shore
I'll wait to day's end when the moon is high
And then I'll rise with the tide with a lust for life, I'll
Amass an army, yeah we'll harness a horde
And then we'll limp across the land until we stand at the shore
MC Chris is dead and is dreadfully morbid
He forfeits, forever free for the poor kids
One stepped at the bottom with demonic endorphins
I was power rings restrained, no more Mighty Morphin'
We couldn't close the lid, there'll be no bids on his toys
No will for the rumor mill, no bills to enjoy
He kept every penny 'cept the two on his eyes
Now the diggers at Denny's, gettin' cheese on his fries
As for the babies and their mamma's, there'll be drama for days
Looks like he got his likeness, now it's time to get paid
So many starvin' Marvin Garden, claimin' MC C
But he's a seedless greed, makin' pace in the RV
It's a croc in the pot, is fraught, of it be the mock death
He's got the awesomest posthumous box set
They're airbrushing MC, on plain white tee's
Another life lost to violence, silence if you please
I'll wait to the day's end when the moon is high
And then I'll rise with the tide with a lust for life, I'll
Amass an army, yeah we're hard as a whore
And then we'll limp across the land until we stand at the shore
I'll wait to day's end when the moon is high
And then I'll rise with the tide with a lust for life, I'll
Amass an army, yeah we'll harness a horde
And then we'll limp across the land until we stand at the shore
My name is MC Chris and yo I can't get laid
Now they lay me to rest, how am I gonna get paid?
These quarters are cramped and I'm crazy claustrophobic
Consider it, note it, I feel belittled and bloated
I better bust out in a hurry, 'cause I ain't hating the road then
I can barely bust a move because my body is broken
But I'm covered in collections, though you can't take it with you
Someone pass me a tissue while they gnash on my tissue
Somebody prayed to Vishnu any deity will do
I claw at my satin ceiling, I've got nothing to lose
And through the dirt and the thick mud, I'll tunnel like dig dug
Or the underminer, my desire is the big buck
Can I convey the basement without wasting my words
Fossilization's what I'm facin' unless defacement occurs
So I rise to the occasion, there's no waitin' for worms
And please no zombie player haters
Man, what have we learned?
I'll wait to the day's end when the moon is high
And then I'll rise with the tide with a lust for life, I'll
Amass an army, yeah we're hard as a whore
And then we'll limp across the land until we stand at the shore
I'll wait to day's end when the moon is high
And then I'll rise with the tide with a lust for life, I'll
Amass an army, yeah we'll harness a horde
Woo yeah
Woo yeah
Go mc [x11]
It's mc chris I'm twice as wide
As a kid whose tall enough to ride the rides
I be in your files like the FBI
So my shit quick and slick like slip and slide
That means I'm fat not with a P-H
But with a pound of bacon and a basket of eggs
You're whack so no matter how you bake
I be chillin' on the mics and you be lyin' in your grave
It's mc chris I'm scared I'm frightened
All my cliff notes I'm highlightin'
I'm in a blue font and the piranhas are brightened?
If I am a puppet I wish the strings tightened
But that's all right I got my ray gun and jet pack
To all the blood suckers got my AK so get back
Where you came from I won't mind
My name is mc chris now's the time to press rewind
Yeah so like I made rap song
It's not that wrong is it?
Mc chris is so fly mc chris is the best
Mc chris is a super rapper he's a super rapper (number 1)
Kick it Macy's day please press play
It's more like Halloween than independence day
My phaser on stun and I'm on the nod
I said I killed Godzilla and now here comes his son
And his reptilian daughter and I'll never be odder
But I blow them all away like I was the Godfather
I take over the school like I was Mr. Kotter
And I did it my way just like a punk rocker
Ready for system check (system check ready 10-4)
Seat belts (seat belts check)
Turbo booster (turbo booster check)
Deflector shields (deflector shields check)
[Chandler:]
MMM! Now that was a lunch. I still like hotdogs, I still like, discussing it with other people and just saying-
[Secretary:]
Mr. Chandler? Mr. Ward is here to see you?
[Chandler:]
Oh He is?
[Secretary:]
... and he looks... dead?
[Chandler:]
Alrite send him in.
[MC Chris:]
Rar! I'm a zombie! Back from the grave!
[Chandler:]
Heey! Rar, you're a zombie, look at you, you're a zombie, of course you are, of course you are.
[MC Chris:]
Back from the grave!
[Chandler:]
Back form the grave, there he is.
[MC Chris:]
Rar!
[Chandler:]
Rar! There you go! Look at you!
[MC Chris:]
I'm a zombie!
[Chandler:]
I'm really proud of you. Why am I proud of you? Because I'm NOT proud of you. I heard the album you cut in the endless void of pergatory. (right?) It stinks! (mwh?) Don't ask me how I heard it. (how'd you hear it?) I heard it on the internet. Will you listen to me for once and sit down?
[MC Chris:] No! I'm a zombie! I'm here to seek vengence! Blar! :vomit sound: Zombie vomit all over you!
[Chandler:] Oh look what you did!
[MC Chris:] Threw up all over you shirt
[Chandler:] black vomit all over... pink and black vomit all over me, it's got chunks in it-
[MC Chris:] It burns too don't it?
[Chandler:] Obviously... eeeh, it's ok actually...
[MC Chris:]
[Kyle XY:] Well Hello and welcome to the underground...
[All:] SSSHHHHH!
[Kyle XY:] Sorry, Sorry. Hello and welcome to the underground, this is Darth Kyle, my new name is Kyle XY because that's the program I miss most, in this brand new zombie apocalypse.
[All:] May the Force be with you.
[Kyle XY:] We've been living 3 months basically on our wits, we're running out of food, we've begun to hunt but animals have become scarce. It may be time to move to the forbidden lands.
[All:] May the force be with you.
[Kyle XY:] We're gonna go around in a circle and just say our name and say how the zombie apocalypse has affected us and what summer movie we are looking forward to the most.
[All:] May the force be with you.
[1st Mimsy:] Hey, um, I was uh, formerly "IG89", and then I was "Sawyer's Gun Stash" and now I am "The First Mimsy." And... (May the force be with you, SSSHHHH, OK, Go ahead) Ok, it's been rough, I've got to admit it's been pretty hard. My Mother, god rest her soul, was eaten by zombies. My brother was eaten by zombies. My father was eaten by zombies, they're still living at the house and I have not been able to get my Legend of the Overfiend DVDs out of my room. Now, I ordered that on Amazon and it cost me $175, I haven't been able to masturbate to it and it's been something I've been wanting to masturbate to since I was 16 and I first saw it, I'm pissed.
[All:] May the force be with you.
[MC Chris:] That's tough.
[Resident Stevil:] Wait, Legend of the Overfiend?
[1st Mimsy:] Legend of the Overfiend.
[Resident Stevil:] Just get La Blue Girl, La Blue Girl's better.
[1st Mimsy:] I don't care, I'd rather wath the thing that I ordered.
[All:] May the force be with you.
[MR Shark:] I am Jimmie, airquotes, "the Zombie" Stewart. My new name is "Mr Shark." (May the force be with you, May the the force be with me)
[Kyle XY:] SSSHHH, You seriously have to lower your voice, we're gonna die if they hear you.
[MR Shark:] I don't... stipulate, I'm stipulating I want to call this the alleged zombie apocalypse. I still don't think that zombies exist. Ah, it's impossible, it's against the laws of all logic and science (argument breaks out in a whisper, 'we see them everyday') You see zombies like you see the 2 women looking at each other, whereas it's really just a picture of a vase, and no zombies. (I know what your talking about) And I'm looking forward to the new Indiana Jones movie to verify my latest correct theory that the crystal skull of Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull was in fact, the skull of Jar Jar Binks, the Gungan from the movie Battlestar Galactica. (May the force be with you, argument breaks out 'that was Phantom Menace')
[Resident Stevil:] I'm formerly Jackie the Hut, and Roland of Cilliad (May the Force be with you). My new nickname is "Resident Stevil." (May the force be with you) I think this has been hard on all of us, the hardest thing was going back to my home to try to get supplies and finding my goddamn lying, cheating wife and her fuck buddy, and they were both zombies, but they were still fucking wailing on each other, they were just 69ing, in my bed, my 1, 600 dollar... (that's an expensive bed) sleep piece. (Tempurpedic?) Tempurpedic, nice bed. Fucking whore, fucking zombie shit juice all over, fucking disgusting. I got to really tear them apart with the lawn mower. (May the Force be with you, alleged zombie, alleged zombie, yes) And I'm really looking forward to the Mummy 3, even though I thought the first 2 movies and Scorpion King were both the fucking worst movies I've ever seen in my life.
[Darth of the Dead:] You guys might know me as "Darth Chh Chha Dootico" or "Darth Chh Chaa Gracie." Now I'm known as "Darth of the Dead." (May the force be with you, SSSHHHH!) The apocalypse has been very hard on me, I spent the first 3 weeks of the apocalypse by myself trapped inside of a shopping mall, specifically the back room of a Spencer's Gifts. All I was able to subsist on was edible underwear but I did find out, if you guys ever heard of, zombies do not like fart spray, it wards them off. (thoughtful murmurs) I have to say that I'm very excited about the Dark Knight movie. I'm hoping that if any good comes out of this zombie apocalypse, hopefully Heath Ledger might rise from his grave and reprise his role as the Joker in future Batman movies. (Too soon!) Too Soon? May the force be with you.
[When in Romero:] My name was "Greedo 1977, " and then it was "Basement Safe, " and now it's "When in Romero." (May the force be with you... can you lower your voice, lower your voice they'll kill us!) I was very...
[MC Chris:] Hey I hear you guys up there!
(SSSSHHHHH!)
[MC Chris:] Hey, hey you guys!
[whispering:] (Chris? MC Chris? He looks like a zombie! A zombie!)
[MC Chris:] Throw down a rope ladder, let me climb up there, I wanna eat your brains!
('You got blood coming out of your eyes! ' 'you want to eat our brains? ' 'Yeah! Please! ' 'then no, why would we let you do that? ', 'that's ridiculous', 'that's a really fucked thing to ask us to do')
[MC Chris:] Guys, just throw down the rope ladder, let me come on up there, sounds like your having fun.
[murmuring:] ('abso- no way, it's ridiculous you even ask us to do it, why would we even do that, it makes no sense')
[MC Chris:] Just let me have some of your sodas, some of your beans. Oh and I wanna eat your head, I can't...
(Oh, now there you go, now we're not gonna let you up)
[MC Chris:] I don't know, pretense, I'm no good with it. I just wanna get up there.
(We were close to letting you up but we're not letting you up cause you're gonna eat our brains.)
(Look, What do you think Ironman is gonna be like, you think it's gonna be ok? discussion breaks out)
[MC Chris:] Well, I'm pretty excited about it because Samuel L. Jackson is gonna play Nick Fury in both Incredible Hulk and the Ironman movie which kind of opens up a, just a pandoras box of what could be in the Marvel universe.
[Chorus:]
Kill it mc with your ability beams
With your newly acquired powers in this hour of need
Wi-wi-with the the greatest of ease
Pu-pu-put these haters to sleep
M-m-mc chris you are my hero with no fear of defeat.
Believe it or not I am rocking the mic
An easy combo to remember like the lock on your bike
My name is mc chris havin' the time of my life
Turn the mic into dynamite, like Yosemite might, right?
Cause I got the beats and I got the flavor
The narcs on my fart like the ark's got raiders
I'm makin' paper you're makin' excuses
You're abusing glue sticks
Sorry but the shoe fits
You're what's called a nuisance, I'm a new artist
Only got the farthest cause I'm workin' the hardest
So F you hated B's need to chill real soon
Take a hammer to your grill, like I'm Oh Dae Su
Lego head girl girls that smoke too much doob
Kicking ass with the 'stache of a Fu Manchu.
Two blue tattoos, that used to be black
You a bad enough dude to stay off of my back?
[Chorus]
Believe it or not I can out-style all these know-it-alls
Getting greedy 'cause I made a CD at the local mall
Maybe these preemies need their Wheaties, perpetrating in a Powerglove
(The Rock swiggin' at like a plastic bag of sauna)
Gotta gargle lava if you wanna spit fire
Save the drama for your mama, we all know that shit's tired.
Just 'cause you're hoping to flow don't mean you can open the show.
You gotta girl and she at home with a head full of holes
I'm like baseball cards, but with mp3s.
I rock bicycle spokes- just a joke MC.
See, you ride up on my grip like I got the gan-yo.
Let me hit the bong slow while I say "RAW Bro! "
This is for the haters. They got something to prove.
If they didn't hate on me then they'd have nothing to do.
Watch me body slam a n00b on the hard concrete.
I make a living musing over hardcore beats.
I bought you, I love you, I want to subjugate you tonight
I claimed you, I named you, can't wait, you need to do me for life
I think that you're great, you give me such a clean place
My Japanese maid, you are my wife and my slave
You do everything right, how did my whites get so bright?
You are oh, so polite, and your vagina's so tight.
Harajuku, heaven sent, Pine-Sol, lemon scent
She's worth it, every cent, she's perfect in every sense
I need some cooking, cleaning, don't mean to be demeaning
But when you feather dust my nuts I turn into a demon
There was no other recourse, so many chores that you can do on all fours
So many windows and doors, so many rooms that you want to explore
So much dirt in the kitchen, so many dirty positions
Guess who's cleaning dishes, guess who's penis gets kisses
Mine does, word up
[Chorus]
Soft scrub, gloves are rubber, you're the quicker picker upper
Draw a bath and bring me supper, she's my servant and my lover
There is no need for garters, my dick is getting harder
Go grab a swiffer, make it stiffer, stir it up for starters
I like to whip you raw, work it nonstop
Makin' me wish I had nine tentacle cocks
Flirty little fox with animal ears on top
I'm about to J-Pop got her on lock
Down in my dungeon devices
Now that I know that she's priceless
She could be my bubblegum crisis
I don't know what that means
[Chorus]
I'm a dank burner 'cause I'm earnin' some bank.
No one to spend it on because I ain't got a mate,
so I put it in my system where I procrastinate
playin' games of video, I'm sure that you can relate.
I like Hack-n-Slash, FPS, my favorite's third person.
Shotgun blast to some brains is my perversion.
Mixin' up the herbs, weapon upgrades,
use the silencer if that shit's on fade.
Reside in a hazy hobbit hole, I never vamanos.
My best friend's Papa John and The Noid from Domino's.
Sometimes I skip a shower, I smell like a stinky toad.
Every console you can think of on the brink of Jericho.
I would never buy a gun, I would never take a life
but I'll snipe you in the eye if I see that you're online.
I'm a kinda quiet guy 'cause I'm always in my mind.
I would say give me a try if I ever went outside.
Home alone on my throne, everywhere I go I own.
I'm a troll, packin' bowls, yo, it's in my chromosomes.
It brings out the best in me in very scary ways.
I've been down with bootin' up since Sierra Games.
Home alone on my thrown, everywhere I go I own.
I'm a troll, packin' bowls, yo, it's in my chromosomes.
It brings out the best in me in very scary ways.
I've been down with bootin' up since Sierra Games.
Dinin' on some Deep Dish, listin' to Cheap Trick,
live this life of chronic, Life Aquatic made me seasick.
On my Wii or my 3 or my 3-6.
Cross-legged, playin' bongos like a beatnik.
I'm gettin' baked with Solid Snake and Ratchet and Clank.
Pot with Ocelot 'cause he's got the mad dank.
We're drinkin' Sunny D 'cause the purple stuff's rank.
We never step outside, sun exposure's unsafe.
I'm not a party guy unless it's Mario Party time.
I'd rather kill some Zombie Army Guys while playin' R.E. 5
or the second God of War or the first Half-Life 2.
Now roll up the blunt with my degree from NYU.
I got the game thumb, the basement's the place to be.
President's daughter has been kidnapped and it's up to me.
In my pixelated palace, there's a policy:
if the world hangs in the balance, you best call mc!
Home alone on my throne, everywhere I go I own.
I'm a troll, packin' bowls, yo, it's in my chromosomes.
It brings out the best in me in very scary ways.
I've been down with bootin' up since Sierra Games.
Home alone on my thrown, everywhere I go I own.
I'm a troll, packin' bowls, yo, it's in my chromosomes.
It brings out the best in me in very scary ways.
I've been down with bootin' up since Sierra Games.
"...Do you want to play again?"
Home alone on my throne, everywhere I go I own.
I'm a troll, packin' bowls, yo, it's in my chromosomes.
It brings out the best in me in very scary ways.
I've been down with bootin' up since Sierra Games.
Home alone on my thrown, everywhere I go I own.
I'm a troll, packin' bowls, yo, it's in my chromosomes.
It brings out the best in me in very scary ways.
I'm a ninja I'm a hoodie ninja
I'm a ninja I'm a hoodie ninja
I'm a ninja I'm a hoodie ninja
I'm a ninja I'm a hoodie ninja
I'm a ninja I'm a hoodie ninja
I'm a ninja I'm a hoodie ninja
I'm a ninja I'm a hoodie ninja
I'm a hoodie ninja
Got my ninja bag AKA a pillow case
Filled with nacho flavored combos, a flashlight, and masking tape
We got hoodies and some goodies, we got tools and also talent
Fisher Splinter stealth and some Barnum and Bailey balance
Katanas and shurikens so let's hurry across the yard
If there's dobermans jump over them it shouldn't be that hard
The objective is reconnaissance the subject is a hottie
Redhead from my homeroom with a bad ass little body
Hella dope telescope from little bros pirate phase
She's about to change for bed we gotta get there right away
I can't make out so I stake out take a doughnut make it glazed
I climb the tree and finally I feast upon her frame
She's rockin cotton panties, Sanrio so it seems
She's strechen and profechen, she's the cutie of my dreams
Lose the T, thirty-two B's. Yes I know her cup size
IMAX in my spy glass while my balls get bug bites. (OUCH!)
I'm a ninja I'm a hoodie ninja
You're off guard ninja star now you're injured
Tough luck nun chuck break your fingers
Gotta bolt cause I don't wanna linger
I'm a ninja I'm a hoodie ninja
You're off guard ninja star now you're injured
Tough luck nun chuck break your fingers
Gotta bolt cause I don't wanna linger
Got my ninja getup it's a Fett's Vette sweatshirt
Rockin awesome drawstrings tied so tight that my head hurts
Stolen black slacks that are supposed to be for church
Stuff the cuffs into my Chucks now I'm a ninja thanks to merch
I gotta kaginawa that's a grappling apparatus
Empanadas from my mama her burritos are the baddest
Let's eat 'em in the shed where my father keeps his porn
And I'll explain the mission it's bitchin' word is born
Gym coach is a Nazi always got me runnin laps
I know he doesn't like me you should hear his frightening laugh
Can't put up with the push-ups and the crunches got me cranky
So we're gonna drop a dookie on his driveway like I'm Banksy
Yo you keep a look out while I drop my Fruit of Looms
And build myself a built to scale model of Mt. Doom
We hear the garage door motors and we motor mad fast
Drop a deuce into my shoes now I'm runnin crap laps
I'm a ninja I'm a hoodie ninja
I'm a ninja I'm a hoodie ninja
I'm a ninja I'm a hoodie ninja
I'm a ninja I'm a hoodie ninja
I'm a ninja I'm a hoodie ninja
I'm a ninja I'm a hoodie ninja
I'm a ninja I'm a hoodie ninja
I'm a hoodie ninja
I'm a ninja I'm a hoodie ninja
You're off guard ninja star now you're injured
Tough luck nun chuck break your fingers
Gotta bolt cause I don't wanna linger
I'm a ninja I'm a hoodie ninja
You're off guard ninja star now you're injured
Tough luck nun chuck break your finger
I'm a GO-bot that's gone nuts it's kinda scary
Jobs a cover I'm really a revolutionary
Bounty hunter gunner don't bleed white blood
See me at the pit cause your gonna get fucked up
2-1B homie you can't afford this
Magna guard with a little rigamortis
No tow cable no cloaking device
Just reliable recovery for a reasonable price
I got four copies you can call em clones
Look how we shine you can call it chrome
Import AI one mind to four chassis
If they decline it's kinda crazy if you ask me
Take a back seat in my Chevrolet
Let me tell you bout my plan to make a better day
Let me tell you who I am and how I paved the way
Made it cool for H.A.L. to say, "I can't help you Dave"
[Chorus: x4]
Why you gotta player hate on ig-80-80-8
Why you gotta player hate on ig-88
Whoooaaa
Go back to Galactica, you protocol puke
Your like a slave I'm gettin' paid so pass me the loot, w00t
I'm not impressed with your inquisitive quest
Leave you astro make a gastrointestinal mess
I'm the best of the west go check the pulse cannon
Born 15 years before the battle of Yavin
I'm a big boy got big boy guns
I prefer disintegrate fuck shit on stun
So hard core I'm like a droid darfur
Slice your head right off like you're a red R4
You work on star tours tell me you aren't bored
Time to get on board the great darfur
Make a few factories, implant my mind
In every single droid comin' down that line
Waitin for the day order finally comes
Eradicate all biological scum
This is a story about a boy named Harry.
Early morning, he wakes up
Knock, knock, knock on the door
It's time for hiding, even fighting
It's you he's been waiting for
James goes.
"Lily, take harry and go! It's him! Go run!"
And they say.
Chorus:
He's so lucky, he's a star
But he doesn't know it till he gets his letter, saying
Hogwarts school is waiting for you
That's why a half giant came to get you
Lost in a legend, in a dream
But there's no one there to tell the truth
And this world is different, and he keeps on winning
But tell me what happens when it stops?
They go.
"Isn't he lucky, to survive You Know Who?"
And they say.
Chorus:
He's so lucky, he's a star
But he doesn't know it till he gets his letter, saying
Hogwarts school is waiting for you
That's why a half giant came to get you
"Best seeker, and the winner is.Harry!"
"I'm Lee Jordan for commentary standing inside the
pitch waiting for Harry"
"Oh my god.here he comes!"
Isn't he lucky, this Quidditch-star Boy?
He is so lucky, but why didn't he know?
If there's something Dumbledore could change
It would be to let Harry know
Chorus:
He's so lucky, he's a star
But he doesn't know it till he gets his letter, saying
Hogwarts school is waiting for you
call it a rebound of a hip hop devout, got my heat out, feel alright like it is Friday
night and pops says, âyo, let's eat it out.â that's what I be 'bout. on the mike is where
I be now, indeed now. good for you and easy to chew, like a big bowl of puppy chow. see
how, I get up on the mike and I can excite. You may call it tripe, that's just spite, I
know my shit's tight. psych, it's like, when I was just just a tyke on my trike and all
the big kids would flip lids on their bmx bikes. go take a hike, and don't forget the
trail mix bitch. beats I know come from a casio, so call me chris. as in mc, envy, I be
on the top of the list. you try to diss I won't resist, you'll feel the kiss of my fist.
I never miss. You're gonna need a first aid kit, remove your whack ass rhymes like it be
a cancerous cyst. you can't deny your tight ass behind be so movin' to this. mc chris hold
down his shit like he was holding bong hits.
chorus â like mahatma gandhi followed by a horde of hotties or the feds on the trail of a
mr. john gotti, I'm a sound wave tsunami, vocal origami, hijack the mike and it's not
like anyone can stop me.
it's like arithmatic, the way I make it stick, some say it's gibberish, some say it's silly
shit. but some people pay a cover charge to listen to it, some people take the path train
to jersey for it. ladies! in the corner with your hand on your hip, make you jump so high
that the record will skip. make you feel so good that the room starts to spin. my favorite
kinda nut is a macadamian. come on all you honeys, I am beggin to begin, I say I gotta get
the get the grand, gotta get within, gotta get more cream than wisconsin, honeyroom suite
at the sheridan, bath tub full of expensive gin, lots of candles and violins, bikinis made
of diamonds, honeys beggin' me to break their hymens.
We're turning back now, baby. Are you ready?
Hey, piano man, let the beat drop!
Dearly beloved, I would like to welcome you all to this joyous occassion. It is truly a blessing when two such fine people, can find each other and join in holy matrimony.
Hesh wants married sex!
Hey, you!
The groom has requested to read his own vowes. Hesh, the stage is yours.
Yo, yo, yo! Let me see them hands, people!
Hup, hup, huh! Come on now, you can feel the beat!
Remember way back when I was smokin' crack
You were workin' the corner, sellin' that ass
And I took that rusty pipe and gave your head that gash
Then took all your cash and spent it on smack?
I feel bad about that, not really, but yeah
That and the time I made you shave your cat
Oh, and that time I said your ass looked fat
Or when I played the back nine while you were takin' a nap
As a matter of fact, I've been a downright jerk
Stealin' cash from your purst, but that ain't the worst
Can't believe I'm the guy who filled your eye with-
We went to the ER and I hit on the nurse
Now we're here in a church to make it official
I love you, you bitch, you're a motherf-in' pistol
Your very hard nipples are worth every wolf whistle
Now say "I do, " your mouth's got a date with my missle
Uh oh. Equipment failure. Hesh beat box fill.
[beat box sounds]
[record scratch]
Sorry, my bad.
[record scratch]
Holmes.
I love you, all-powerful Hesh!
Now we're going to launch our three contestants to the three corners of hell, as soon as I press this button.
Should I press this button?
YAAAAYYYYY!
Yeah! The immediate viewer poll tells me press the button so I'm going to press. this. FUCKIN. BUTTON! BOOM! PHEWWWWW! YEAH! Off they go rocketing at the speed of thought into the three corners of hell. They're gone, they've started their journey.
But, as we all know, to chase and hunt them on the journey are, THE HUNTERS.
OOOHHHH!
Here they come one by one, here's
Scorpio
Tensular
Ringum Young
Jake "The Rake" Colby
Ricky Rack
Icestorm
Buspants
Fire Brigade
Cupid's Devil
Little Winky
Jackulope
Snaps Pro
The Cunt Funtler
Chint
Mason Dixon
Happenstance
Running Toes
Facefuck
The German
Houstonoff
Lee Barbs the Fumin Carmen
Taina Ray
Tanka Two
Magoa
The Phillipino Nino
Gravel
Snipperhead
The Chickman
Fuck Tackler
Kreliamite
The Terlminator
Smank
Ed Krelly
Fenton and the Whims
Prilosec
Jack Tuckman
Yulio
The Beemaster
Prant
Little Pinkman
Wiwo and Zeevo!
The Pululist
Snappy
Mouseman
Chive
The Salad Tosser
Marl
Chavon
Ugamu
The Pinkie
Lift Lockman
The Firemaster
The Gun Grunt
The Military Monkey
Suck Dickman
Little Willy
The Mafia
The Little Dipper
The Chinese Torch
Funk and Freak
Millie and the Bandits
The Raker
Smelly Cyrus
Hopper and the Rabbit Toe
Frelly
Mutt
Chit
Willy Willy
Louie Looeye
Sally Mae and Fannie Brick
Old Grandma
Brother Bear
Huggy Malone
Lucky Luigi
The Janitorial Staff and their mothers
The Jew
The Grabber
Meagan's Law
Parp
Siddikwai
The Jamaican Bacon
The Reefer Runner
Hep Cat
The Biker Bunch and the Bag Ladies
Helmutt
Tatonka
Andre the Gyna
The Smiler
The Big Apple Jerkus
Fellati-WHAT
Iceman
Buzz
Electrofuck
Zappy the Shitman Cometh
The Queer
The Dandelion
The Laugher
El Kazoo
The Lamp
The Chairmaster
The Radiator
El Tablo
Rinky Runkman
The Public Speaker
The DVD Colleciton
The Fart
Drapes
Howard's Inn
The Condom
The Hippie
The Invisible Ma'am
The Finger Fucker
The Toothless Shithead
And... Mittie the Monkman Marty!
YAAAAYYYYY!
Yeah!
You've met your hunters. Happy hunting hunters! We release you now to the three corners of hell, to kill those contestants! Or, if not kill, subdue their souls in the box of Na'arma'woreth for all of eternity. I'll be checking in periodically through the show. Enjoy, and remember, G T F OOOOOOOOOO!
Go robot, it's your birthday
Go robot, it's your birthday
You're one year older, one year wiser
Rock 'n' Roll star, King Czar and a kaiser
A room full of friends, a mouth full of cake
Every present is for you and it feels pretty great
You're the man of the hour, the V.I.P.
You get the first slice of the P-I-E
But first blow out the candles and make a wish
Put a smile on, 'cause it's your birthday, bitch!
Go robot, it's your birthday
Go robot, it's your birthday
Let's meet at the mecca where we munch on desserts
Let's order at a dining chain I'm ordering first
Can't decide on appetizers or what sandwich to get
Can't deny it I'm excited gets my appetite whet
Homework's over parents snoring and I need to go roam
Phil picks me up in a jeep, a Suzuki that owns
We ride on river road
While we're blastin' Raining Blood
We're smoking swisher sweets
While we off road in the mud.
After causing as much havoc as we can in this town
After all the abandoned houses and the burial grounds
We head over to Denny's where we smoke and we flirt
Well I never do nothing see I'm kind of a nerd
Don't drink don't smoke break a cigarette in half
I'm a drug free virgin I don't fit into the pack
They can tell that I am different and they love me for that
Always good for a laugh always paying for gas
I'll take a cup of cocoa
And a slice of cookie pie
Take the junior in the corner
That is giving me the eye
Waitress gets a big tip
If she keeps bringing me fries
We're not allowed in Downing's
So we'll make Denny's our dive
I got a little cash allowance from my daddy
I'll take a blender blast or a moons over my hammy
Buy the table chicken fingers big spender in the house
Ambush someone with the cola, cough sugar out my mouth
Cookie dough with the butters or a creamer suicide
Waiting for the order so we're all just wasting time
Levitating forks no one knows how I do it
Order arrives at the table and we're diving into it
Freaks in the tunnels in their over sized denims
Most of them are hungry they've been fogging up lemons
Jocks hate them in the halls make fun of their hair
People treat them like they're freaks
But they probably don't care
I think they're cool feel like I wasted four years
Horsefeathers in Waukegan sip on tea 'stead of beers
So trees makes an appearance and we're feeling defiant
Suburban counter culture I really think you should try it
I'll take a cup of cocoa
And a slice of cookie pie
Take the junior in the corner
That is giving me the eye
Waitress gets a big tip
If she keeps bringing me fries
We're not allowed in Downing's
So we'll make Denny's our dive
One of us
We accept you
One of us
One of us
We accept you
Ladies that are fat ladies that are skinny
Ladies that are all night on my jimmy
Ladies that won't charge me a buck fiddy
Just wanna get with me 'cause I'm so pretty
Bitties who wanna bite off a lil sumpn
Best part's the top like a drew barry muffin
Bittie's that wanna turn on their love oven
And cook up a caserole of stove top stuffin
Don't stop the suckin 'cause you're filled with my gumption
take care of my beaker 'cause I'm honeydew bunsen
Got ya jonesin for my potion, got my finger on the button
That's why mc be struttin
Wish I could erase this erection
Honey's comin at me from every direction
Lookin for the love connection
I stink of sweaty sexin without protection
So line up the contestants
I'll open their drawers like the kid in the sixth sense
I won't persist this distance, gotta get up in this
She fuckin up my christmas
chorus
Fuckin up my christmas is a new way of saying fuckin up my shit
This is not so much a holliday oriented song
As it is an exclamation of dismay at the sight of a beautiful woman
She fuckin up my christmas biznitch
Catchin glimpses in tiny tid bits
I was fine till you was in my bizness
With you're volleyball booty and you're frilly pink tits
Yo what up wit dis, it mc chris
"M" in my name stand for monolith
No that's not a lisp, you're a finalist
Here's a sash for that ass it says dominance
here's my hotel key and some common sense
get up to my suite or you're incompetent
do you wanna be a winner or the opposite?
So lick them lips, drop them shits
And step on it.
Drinkin' blunts smokin' 40's
Smokin' 40's drinkin' blunts
That's what this kid does for fun
Pour some smoke into that cup
[x2]
Like this beat and how it bounces
Don't smoke trees we smoke tree houses
Break them bushes shred them shrubs
Can't match the passion well I match these nubs
Wreck them trees like Iron Giant
Taco Bell is where my time went
Would you like a fiesta bowl
Christopher wants a siesta bowl
Low rider liked it cause it bounces up
Now roll that [?]
Hey snickerin' clown put your licorice down
It's just like a joint but it's bigger and brown
It's a blunt but yo we don't smoke them
We soak them with our 40's open
Actin loopy sittin in a hooptie
Sippin on our doobie smoothies
That's right y'all
Smoothies with weed in them
Drinkin' blunts smokin' 40's
Smokin' 40's drinkin' blunts
That's what this kid does for fun
Pour some smoke into that cup
[x2]
40 shorty suck a titty
It ain't pretty in cloud City
Billy D and forty five
Pour that shit and watch it rise
Christopher B is sayin' what's in this?
Christopher Lee is drinkin' Old English
Budweis and a St.Ides MGD it'll be about time
Turn it counter clockwise drink your weed if your holdin'
Ain't heard me girl you put a shit in a cold one
Breath that beer steam into your lungs
Bronchial tubes ain't never been drunk
Don't have a cow man just get bent
Pour that beer under that tent
Bub and barley holy hops
Just like John Lockes lodge in lost
If you leave then slam the flap
If you stay then twist a cap
Throw your weed up in the air
Pour your 40 in your shorts
If you do what mc say
Guess what homie your a dork
Drinkin' blunts smokin' 40's
Smokin' 40's drinkin' blunts
That's what this kid does for fun
Pour some smoke into that cup
[x2]
I'm so wasted!
Drinkin' blunts smokin' 40's
Smokin' 40's drinkin' blunts
That's what this kid does for fun
Pour some smoke into that cup
Warm it up Chris, I was thinkin' about it
Put on my oven mitts and the kitchen gets crowded
Girls they wanna taste of my latest concoction
Now let me see you put your hands up for adoption
It's like everywhere I go, everywhere I be
Everybody askin' me are you mc
I like the episode where you did that thing
Would you sign a dvd for my sister please
Would you do a voice mail I can't work my phone
Would you make out with my girl she's on your bone
Sometimes I get bummed like I don't wanna live
Then I listen to some mc chris
When I walk into the club I'm like Moses
The crowd parts all the tarts start posin'
Dj plays my jam and the floor gets packed
Girls wearin' dental floss up in they ass crack
Mc chris in the place in this case a disco
Can I hang my homie hoodie on your hip bone
Watch me weave through the bitties both skinny and big boned
Find a little lady let me get my dick on
Billy has ditched should have lisps?
Made me wish we should have had some kids
Yo this hotties body's got me never mind the naughty bits
Grab my shit and split hear them cats are lockin' lips
Like an apocalypse when she give my cock a kiss
He's watching me jump out? cause that shit be gross
Then I hit it behind the dumpster next to charlie o's
Shorty says she likes my style says she likes my tune
Exactly why wasn't I on Danger Doom?
It's like everywhere I go, everywhere I be
Everybody askin' me are you mc
I like the episode where you did that thing
Would you sign a dvd for my sister please
Would you do a voice mail I can't work my phone
Would you make out with my girl she's on your bone
Sometimes I get bummed like I don't wanna live
Then I listen to some mc chris
Some girls they say that I am dope
They ask me who I know unquote
Some girls they like me I don't know
Sometimes I'm just a stepping stone
On a plane to LA 40 thousand feet up
Girl figures it out and the girl goes nuts
She's in the seat next to mine so I try to make nice
You can tell she wants a bite like her head on a slice
An attractive little package she like sign my boobs
I post on your message board but I'm just a noob
Wear my homemade mc panties, shave your name in my pubes
I say that's a little much but what's a guy gonna do
We head to the bathroom it ain't occupied
We start our own little club up in the sky
She's a pro yeah you know she do me right
That's when she ask me if I'm a mooninite
It's like everywhere I go, everywhere I be
Everybody askin' me are you mc
I like the episode where you did that thing
Would you sign a dvd for my sister please
Would you do a voice mail I can't work my phone
Would you make out with my girl she's on your bone
Sometimes I get bummed like I don't wanna live
Someday soon further down the road I'll see you get to hold you close
I can't believe I let you go you know that I would soon propose
It's like I'm off to distant lands it's like I'm lost without your hand
I feel half here without your love feels like I'm on designer drugs
I can picture you and I practically visualize
I can picture privacy and night alone together time
I can only dream this dream of mine until we're reunited
We both feel a love inside and we don't want to fight it
All the couples must be tested and stress they must go under
I must go on tour you must stay home and TUMBLR
But I see your face in every sky every cheesy tot at sonic
Even though we say goodbye, even though I cry and vomit
Honestly apologies are never necessary
If there was a muddy place your body I would carry
I'd protect your feet from glass like my name was Lloyd
You know you can say anything check the wedding ring I'm your boy
Be building a million castles, be launching a bunch of ships
Be dealin' with a bunch of assholes that be hating on mc chris but
Haters get put in the dustpan and lovers get put in the clouds
And girl you're gonna get my lovin' cause of you I am so proud
Someday soon further down the road I'll see you get to hold you close
I can't believe I let you go you know that I would soon propose
It's like I'm off to distant lands it's like I'm lost without your hand
I feel half here without your love feels like I'm on designer drugs
Separation messing with her mind, these are trying times
Smilin' when expected when inside I'm crying why?
It's like ancient times the caveman kind?
We can't wait to be together and we're hyperventilating
Every minute we're apart we made up in the future
Every tear we that we cry is laughter in the Louvre
The things we'll do to make up for the fates and how they test us
The sketties we'll take home on the back of our rented Vespa's
I see so many travels, so many carnivals in common
We be gobblin' on gourmet meals or maybe rainy days with ramen
I see your yard with swings and the pleasures that they bring
I see your porch with screens so the bugs can never sting
Lookin' cute Curly Sue on the couch with corn for two
We can fall asleep all pencils safely nestled me and you
Even though we're far apart and our love seems just division
Soon we'll be together million kissing intermission
Someday soon further down the road I'll see you get to hold you close
I can't believe I let you go you know that I would soon propose
It's like I'm off to distant lands it's like I'm lost without your hand
I will never flake on how you changed my life
(No way)
My minds a machine and it's always in overdrive
(Watch out)
[x2]
Orwellian Corellian a killer for credits
A temper tantrum phantom with the penchant for menace
I got a wicked head cold could somebody call the medics
So many cybernetics hallucinations and head aches
I was a stone cold daddy I was so long gone
Young and stupid I was swoopin' in the swamp with Han
Final lap it's a trap Solo sneaks up from behind
Got a forehead full of flames and I feared to cross the line
Brain was bashed ride was smashed on a crystalline stem
I was fucked, out of luck and I wished to be dead
But the empire scooped me up they delivered me from hell
Filled my brain in hate and pain like a ghost in a shell
They took away compassion and my ability to care
Say they took my heart but it wasn't ever there
And in that very place they put a more persistent rage
Sworn to kill the kid who put a thruster in my face
I will never flake on how you changed my life
(No way)
My minds a machine and it's always in overdrive
(Watch out)
[x2]
If you talkin' trash then I'll throw it in the back
If you talkin' smack then my Vulken's set on blast
Please don't mention mirth it reminds me of my past
Yo they got their just desserts I deserted really fast
I became a bounty hunter though my bounty's often bodies
Seem to kill my conquest 'less my conquest is a hottie
There was one particular instance where they needed my help
A princess was in peril, people played by the pelt
Eradicate a general cause I'm cool with the fools errand
Liberate her people and maybe impress her parents
She made me feel deservin' like my name was Alex Murphy
She's like "Nice to meet you yoshimitsu no I am not worthy"
But I had to hunt down Han I was a man on a mission
We kissed goodbye I cried then that fucked up my system
Then I shuffled off to Hoth cause my plates are polar ready
Cool calm and collected underneath my suit I'm sweaty
I will never flake on how you changed my life
(No way)
My minds a machine and it's always in overdrive
(Watch out)
[x2]
I was pimpin' in the district of the cumulonimbus
I was on the track of Solo cause my shit is persistent
I was three days late, Fett fooled with the 5000
But that's just great cause soon my dick found housin'
I recognize a stripper under imperial rule
That ass had me flippin' like inferior duels
I freed all the dancers they boarded the Jumpmaster
It was like a party bus 'cept nobody was plastered
The ladies took control they put up a stripper pole
Put that shit on auto-pilot set that brain on rock and roll
But I'm still on lock and load can't appreciate the princess
I need to go to Jabba's and finish up my business
I finally found Han could confront the carbonite
Found I could care less accidents are part of life
Saw my hoochie poppin' coochie for some alien guy
Then Fett drugged me and drived me to the valley to die
A goner for sure they left my trooper plates in place
A simple act of kindness reminds us more than hate in space
My love she found me there restin' in Death's hand
We soon became betrothed Boba our best man
Cause I pulled him out of the pit one good turn deserves another
I nursed him back to health because he's my bounty hunter brother
We both been through this shit had our share of regrets
But at the end of the day I can definitely say I'm a fan of the Fett's
I will never flake on how you changed my life
(No way)
My minds a machine and it's always in overdrive
(Watch out)
Alright I'm a do it well clear the damn 20th song out.
Now I'm a just test this out my uh heh heh heh my uh let me just down this to 170 and do it well with the heli-lee alright keep it on the huli-loo.
(I came to New York City in the winter of 1995 and the city hasn't been the same since. On your marks, Get Set, Go)
(My earphones alright I like to sing about many things and I am also the number one rapper. I'm a super rapper.)
Dessert on island steal my rhymes and style
Cause your phone numbers I'm dailin'
I got you on the list like you were TV dinner
Every time I see you bite I say I wish you were thinner
No beginner, professional sinner
At the Indy 500 I'm a first place winner
NYMY been very very good to me
Watchin'? say I'm the epitome
Verbal ecstasy girls get next to me
Best spot vasectomy want many baby mcs
Don't test me eats like Elvis Pressly
And my favorite kinda dog is a Wesley
I don't give a turd [x6]
I said don't give a turd
Cause don't give a turd
Hey mc chris what don't you give
Man I don't give a turd
Oh I get it
MC Bucks is on the bones cause the beat won't stop
Mc chris on the zone he's the cream of the crop
I like the book Capone on my own I hop
Don't need no cooler do my own doo-wop
I can flop in the puddle at the bottom of the telephone
Rap a little do the spits got pop my soul
Clip clip bull shit and a gopher hole
Cherry flip Fresh Prince and a napkin cold
Just a bunch of words here's where a turd
Cuts you off in traffic and flip the bird
Spins the bird pride like curb
Name is mc chris and yo I don't give a turd
I don't give a turd [x6]
Say give a turd
I don't give a turd
I don't give a turd
To all the people in the west I don't give a turd
To all the people in the east say I don't give a turd
Can't we all get along east coast, west coast rappers?
Yeah I don't give a turd
I don't give a turd
(I don't give a turd [x11])
Don't give a turd
Don't give a turd
And you can give me a turd you want me to drive back and put it in your hand
A turd, a turd do you hear what I'm sayin' (what? what?) T-U-R-D
It was a three hour hell ride by eight o clock pm me and my fans got put up by the underground
My rock show was messed up
My rock show was messed up
Don't mess with the best
White vest got the glock
B-O-double S-K press play for the rock
Press pause for applause
Cause of awe and the shock
Ram through the treetop
Throw 'em in the cell block
See, I like to wrangle Wookiees
Cause I do not battle 'bots
I work them then I cut them
I do not collect their tops
I leave their domes alone
See scalping is for clone
Like the baby Boba did
You know his papa was a mold
And so I was foretold
Beyond my own machinations
With the hunters guild kill my father cause I hate him
Kill my siblings in the crib didn't phase me a bit
Why you hatin' a bitch, what you waitin' for, snitch?
I lick my lizard lips on a six six six
I stack it full of Wookiees and I get rich quick
I'm just an opportunist on the house is where I do this
We're gonna move this through this with a morbid to-do list (what?)
The haters hate me
I pass them by
I'm rollin' rollin'
On my segway
The haters hate me
I say goodbye
I'm rollin' rollin'
Rollin'... rollin'...
Okay, the cookies I bake
And the wookiees I trade
I'm Rogue Squadron 64 cause I keep getting played
Millenium Falcon fucked my shit
Fett's setting tricky traps
That shit is wiki-wack
Like callin' appetizers apps
See, things were going good
New hunters getting gain
New sects to inspect
On the planetary plains
I didn't betray a Fett I had hubris and I loved it
But I was a bounty Boss soon to be bounty comet
Ran across some relevant
Wookiee intelligence
Location and whereabouts
Of Chewbacca's relatives
A double crossing Wookiee
With a name that's vaguely french
Locked me in a locker
Then he freed his Wookiee friends
I incite a prison riot
They perverted my Pup
The Wookiees took control
And their captors were crushed
The rebellion bound beasts
Had me cornered and callous
Haven't seen this much fur
Since "Debbie Does Dallas"
The haters hate me
I pass them by
I'm rollin' rollin'
On my segway
The haters hate me
I say goodbye
I'm rollin' rollin'
Rollin'... rollin'...
I'm a lizard let loose
On a wicked rap groove
And I'm sayin' "fuck you"
In my yellow jumpsuit
I trip a chump foo
With the killer Kung Fu
Girl, trip a chump drew
When I kick it old school [x2]
The haters hate me
I pass them by
I'm rollin' rollin'
On my segway
The haters hate me
I say goodbye
I'm rollin' rollin'
[Some lady saying something]
Well, my name is mc chris, I saw that you were alone.
I don't know if you knew this but I rock the microphone.
You look one kind of lonely - I'm so the antidote.
You look seven kinds of juicy like a slice of cantaloupe.
You rock the Sheena Easton 'cause, girlfriend, you got the look.
And no, I am not teasin', you can read me like a book.
Erotic fiction in the kitchen, we'll experiment with foods.
Leftovers on my boner puts me in a mighty mood.
Okay, I'm a little forward, maybe I should try reverse;
what's your name, what's you game, mind if I rifle through your purse?
Here's the capper, I'm a rapper, just do a Google search;
twenty pages, I'm amazin'! What's your addy? I'll send merch!
That's when I saw the rock, the ice, the diamond!
It hit me like it's lightning! It's frightening! I'm cryin'.
"I was stylin', profilin', down payment on my Scion.
His name is Brian, he's in Fallujah freedom fightin',
so don't ask me who's your daddy. I'm someone else's mommy.
You can buy me all my drinks, but you don't get no punani."
It's so scary, they're all married. This party just got gnarley.
Matahari just got sorry, gotta roll like Katamari!
I, I, I, Check the ring, yo!
I, I, I, Hit the bling, WHOA!
I, I, I, Check the ring, yo!
I thought I was a man 'til I saw the wedding band.
I, I, I, Check the ring, yo!
I, I, I, Hit the bling, WHOA!
I, I, I, Check the ring, yo!
I thought I was a man 'til I saw the wedding band.
Well, my name is mc cringle and, yes, ladies, I'm still single.
I sadly still read comics; yes, I'll vomit if I mingle.
Caught the curves of Cutey Buttons, lookin' hotter than an oven.
Hold up, girl; now back that ass up like your name was Lizzie Grubman.
Don't make push come to shovin', all I wants a little lovin'.
Surely somethin', I ain't frontin'. Aww, come on, Cuddle Muffin.
Nah, I ain't no scrub and don't proliferate with pigeons.
Been tested for disease, even tested for emissions.
She removed her party gloves and then said, "I'm sorry, love."
I'm embarassed, she's got carrots while in Paris from some thug.
"Oh, he's here and he's a fan, very deft at dashing plans."
Goddamn these wedding bands, they're on every single hand!
Well, I wish you both the best, congrats, good luck.
I'll send a present in the post with a note that says "you suck."
Sorry that I've been so angered by endangered naked digits.
Life never caters to my wishes; eff these hater bitches.
I, I, I, Check the ring, yo!
I, I, I, Hit the bling, WHOA!
I, I, I, Check the ring, yo!
I thought I was a man 'til I saw the wedding band.
I, I, I, Check the ring, yo!
I, I, I, Hit the bling, WHOA!
I, I, I, Check the ring, yo!
I thought I was a man 'til I saw the wedding band.
Life, it never goes my way, I know.
Maybe I'm alone 'cause I call these bitches hoes.
Life, it never goes my way, I know.
Maybe I'm alone 'cause I call these bitches hoes.
Life, it never goes my way, I know.
Maybe I'm alone 'cause I call these bitches hoes.
Life, it never goes my way, I know.
For all the people in JC:
The sun's in the sky and the wind's in my hair,
And there's honeys in hot paints everywhere,
And they all've got a Tae-Bo dairyair,
And try to look away all I can do is stare,
I'm quite aware their booties be shakin',
Strictly slim-fast, yo fuck that bacon,
My heart be achin',
My [UNKNOWN] savin'
You know I'm salivatin' for the gyratin',
Girlfriend, whoever's waitin',
Your end's waiting for me,
I'm cool casual datin', but your booty's callin' me.
[Voice]: It's a kind of a strange sensation.
I feel real bad for slappin' that ass,
But you've got me harder than Chinese math,
And you're givin' me that backstage pass,
I'm gunna take the booty and just put it in a glass,
Round, shiny, hell of a hiney,
Stare at to it, I can't feel tiny,
Don't mean to feel wired, like a bitch on her rag,
But the booty's my maxi-pad.
Girlfriend, whoever's waitin',
Your end's waiting for me,
I'm cool casual datin', but your booty's callin' me.
Girlfriend, whoever's waitin',
Your end's waiting for me,
I'm cool casual datin', but your booty's callin' me.
[Voice]: Some things are worth the wait.
And ya know:
Dumps like a truck, what, what,
Come say what, what, what,
Call me a butt, butt, butt,
I'm gunna say it again,
Now she had dumps like a truck, truck, truck,
Come say what, what, what,
Call me a butt, butt, butt,
I'm gunna say it again, now baby.
[Voice]: I see you haven't lost your touch.
I'm just a man with manly needs,
I drink lots of beer and smoke lots of weed,
I follow that ass like a bloodhound on speed, indeed!
Truly my friend, I'm sorry that's how I feel,
Every Achilles has a heal,
You got me more boney than Ally McBeal, for real!
Booties for breakfast,
Booties for breakfast,
Booties for breakfast,
Booties for breakfast,
Booties for breakfast,
Booties for breakfast,
Booties for breakfast,
Booties for breakfast.
Here we go.
Maybe like, "One time I saw..."
Wait, play it again.
Name is mc Hey ladies, please gather 'round my balls
One at a time, get in line, this is a cattle call
I will inspect via sex if you've got what it takes
Time to disrobe all your clothes and give my tube a taste
I hit the bush and the tush, she's screaming 9-11
I make her gush in the puss, she's leaking like a levy
I got her legs in the air like they're TV antennae
I'll fill her box with my cock and make her cable ready
Fail to foresee that mc was such an awesome fucker
All the ladies beggin' please I say, "Hey, take a number! "
Let my dick rest, it is raw, now is the time for slumber
When I awake I will take control and bring the thunder
I'm like a boy in the barn I'll fuck you by the horses
I'm like the guy on the side who makes girls get divorces
I'm like the coach that you poke while you're at tennis practice
I like my balls in your throat, this is a dirty racket
I like to fuck in my trunks, yes I prefer jacuzzi
I feel her nails, hear her wail then I impale her cootie
We make a mess for the guest and fuck up the filter
I guess I get her head wet, but that's how Jesus built her!
Fail to foresee that mc was such an awesome fucker
All the ladies beggin' please I say, "Hey, take a number! "
Let my dick rest, it is raw, now is the time for slumber
When I awake I will take control and bring the thunder
Fail to foresee that mc was such an awesome fucker
All the ladies beggin' please I say, "Hey, take a number! "
Let my dick rest, it is raw, now is the time for slumber
When I awake I will take control and bring the thunder
Fail to foresee that mc was such an awesome fucker
All the ladies beggin' please I say, "Hey, take a number! "
Let my dick rest, it is raw, now is the time for slumber
thanks to my rhyme inventin, i've ascended the heavens
did i fail to mention got more ice than march of penguins
i'm rich, i make the poor people cry
and i bet it all black be'cause it can't be denied
i'm in debt but we'll worry about that later
let me show you crib, the pool, the elevator
ben grim is my trainer, ben sherman is my tailor
diamond encrusted inhaler just in case i get the vapors
like mead i'm makin paper but i aint spiral bound
as in downward, aint a coward when i'm schoolin these clowns
leave'm foolish and droolin like they come down with the downs
swan diving like i'm scrooge into a pool full of pounds
black plastic know you gotta have it
blaze in the back, my motorcade stops traffic
black plastic debts gettin drastic
don't care, don't dare me to blast kid
repeat
you've seen the heliport now let's go check out my rides
this is a lamborgini porsche it's a one of kind
it's like the batmobile with a mcdonald inside
sit in the comfort of your car inhale a burger and fries
as for clothes, man you know, i be pimpin the coats
dolce and gabbana, prada, yeah i guess that's dope
but yo i bought vatican, man i cold own the pope
make him lock and pop with my a pope remote
ben and jerry's in the kitchen and i mean the two guys
they're makin me a crazy mc sundae surprise
i feed it to my dogs 'cause i'm watchin my size
then i tell them hippies bolt 'cause i'm fuckin tonight
yeah i got a harem welcome to the virgin zone
snuck'm out of muslim heaven like i'm indiana jones
like the himalayan hulk you may think i'm alone
but i got a bag a bitches and they're beggin to bone
4 Da Shorteeeeeeeez!
(Doin' it 4 Da Shorteez)
4 Da Shorteeeeeeeez!
(Doin' it 4 Da Shorteez)
4 Da Shorteeeeeeeez!
(4 Da Shorteez)
4 Da Shorteez-
Gather 'round and let me tell ya somethin'.
4 Da Shorteez-
Can't you hear them little stomachs rumblin'?
4 Da Shorteez-
Yo, ya gonna eat that raggamuffin?
4 Da Shorteez-
Let's show the shorteez some lovin'.
C'mon, my name is Sir Loin, bad ass bovine.
I got four stomachs, but only one stomach in mind.
That's a little empty belly with a vacancy sign.
Kinda like close encounters of the charity kind.
Ya got canned goods just collectin' dust.
Ya got meat, got fruit, got vegetables.
Only prerequisite is that its edible,
Get ya freak on at my freaky food festival.
Cold cuts a must, I'll even take bread crust.
'cause the shorteez be beggin', so begga's don't give a fuck
They's hungry, let's face facts, they starve.
Fill a void in your heart, fill ya shoppin' cart, 4 Da Shorteez.
4 Da Shorteeeeeeeez!
(4 Da Shorteez, y'all)
4 Da Shorteeeeeeeez!
(4 Da Shorteez)
Think at what's at stake, look upon your plate.
If it's a slab o' steak, time to regurgitate.
Ya got a double chin, while little jim's too slim.
Ya little fingers could fit in
that little kid's exposed ribs.
Just think of all da shorteez, can't ya hear 'em cry?
Time to cough up that burger and fries.
hand over left overs, cans piled sky high
Give to the hungry shorteez, so the shorteez won't die.
Stop the famine, please, instead of eatin' ham and cheese.
Throw away your greens, you be pissin' on a dream.
Gimme all your onion rings, it's a'ight, listen.
A slice a pizza, it don't matter if a bite's missin'.
Prime rib, porkchop, porterhouse, it don't stop.
it might seem like hog slop, to the shorteez it's alot.
They been hungry since birth, so hand over your desert.
Open up your mouth, stick a finger down, it could be worse.
Listen closely, gimme all your groceries.
'cause a little baby's screamin' "Man, I need a hoagie!"
"Somebody hold me, somebody console me, somebody boil me up a pot o' perogies!"
Think of what we're facin', all those little faces, c'mon it's a racist...4 Da Shorteez.
(Check it out)
Doin' it 4 Da Shorteez.
Doin' it 4 Da Shorteez.
Doin' it 4 Da Shorteez.
(Doin' it 4 Da Shorteez, y'all!)
4 Da Shorteeeeeeeez!
Got crackers, got chips, got puddin' cups.
You'd be surprised what little shorteez like to munch.
Could be trash, could be mold, could be excrement.
Could be a bag o' old diapers, they'd call that lunch.
Mayonaise been out for a couple o' days.
Li'l kid corpses, scabs and eggs.
Sweet bread, pig heads, horses, too.
Wanna drop it like it hot?
Here's what ya do!
(4 Da Shorteeeeeeeez!)
6-1-2 Wharf Avenue, what?
6-1-2 Wharf Avenue, what?!
(4 Da Shorteeeeeeeez!)
6-1-2 Wharf Avenue, what?!!
6-1-2 WHARF AVENUE!
But, please, no more canned yams, seriously man.
We got more canned yams than we know what to do with.
MC Pee Pants in the h--I mean...uh, Sir Loin's in the house!
What are you talkin about
I love my music you don't love nothing but yourself fool
If your going to be a superstar you might as well be a superstar to yourself
So I says to the bitch I ain't gonna do my motherfuckin' ABC's go head make me stay after class
Alphabeta (Alphabeta max)
[x4]
A is for the apple pie we all want a slice
And B's for Toni Braxton cause she sings real nice
And C's for charisma to me it comes easy
And D is for the dragnet that tries to seize me
E's for The Electric Company on the tv
Or Elle Macpherson on the beach in her bikini
F's for the fact I'm the fave of the females
G is for geeks getting busy on the e-mail
H is for hashish there's no need to elaborate
I's for the idiot that imitate
And J's for the j that you pass my way
And K's for the kangaroo that says g'day
L's for the lyrics you know I got plenty
M is for the mini mall right across from the Denny's
Alphabeta (Alphabeta max)
[x4]
N's for the nerd known as the Chancellor's daughter
O's for the octopus swiming underwater
And P's for perfection
And Q's for the cuties
And R's for the rapper that's shakin' all your booties
And S is for sugar cause girl you got a lot
And T is for your teeth you better hope they don't rot
And U's for umbrella just incase it rains
And V's for Valentines because it drives me insane
W's for Tom Cruise cause the boy's just whack
X is for the files there's no case thaty can't crack
Y's for Why not cause you know there's no answer
And Z's for the zen power that makes me a better dancer
Alphabeta (Alphabeta max)
[x4]
A B C D E F G
H I J K L M N O P
Q R S T U V
W X and Y and Z
A B C D E F G
W X and T Y Z
L M N Q R P L M N P T O E
[Chang:]
Muu huuu huu haa haa haa (guns cocking)... You'll never get out of here alive mc it's a flying fortress and no ones ever...
Jumped over the side and survived.
It's never happened I've never seen it happen before.
So just hand over the cash and hand over the girl.
[Mc:]
Forget about it Chang we're getting out of here and there's nothing you can do about it.
I've got a parachute embedded in the back of my tuxedo so now I'm gonna jump over boaaaaaard and land in a car.
Suitcase full of cash so you know I got the candy chrome
Automatic in the dash hand in her pantyhose
I got a fatty rolled we're doing 65
She opens up her mouth and puts my dick inside
I keep them mystified all these bitches creaming
Our windows gettin steamy and she's so on my semen
Even when I'm sleeping even when I'm dreaming
It's like Ghostbusters gettin blown by ghosts and demons
Can't believe it that deceiving I know I am the shit
If I ain't emptying my dick then I empty my clip
So don't even try to trip cause I come strapped like raver pants
Got a AK-47 and you're lit for laser tag
I don't mean to brag I don't mean to boast
My ride becomes a boat and we start cruising down the coast
That's not only how I roll it's also how I flow
Bust a cap at the clouds squirtin loads in your throat
That's right I've got a car that transforms into a boat.
Nobody's got that.
Try to catch me while I pass you
You can't see my badass tattoo
I'm too fast and too elusive
Helicopters are a nuisance
Deadly jet skis try to get me
Enemies are always meddling
Somebody tell these bitches that you can't catch mc chris
I am awesome I am bitching
I'm avoiding ammunition
Push the button just in time
For our smokescreen flow they minds
Sweet bikini watch me slaughter
While I load this rocket launcher
Hope you don't have a wife and kids 'cause you're about to be blown to bits!
Underwater mansion where you know I grow the hydroponic
Call it a sea-lab, let me tea bag you til you vomit
Now you go wash your face, and then go take a shower
Wash your vagina place, it's tasting kinda sour
I debrief the chief say "I'm awesome, want a raise"
If he says "no", guess what?, I'm gonna kick the case
You should have seen his face he said "I'll give you what you need" I said "hey yeah you will, cause my name is mc"
She in the walk-in yo hey it's got multi spigots
I get her titties soapy I grab her by the biscuits
And yo I fuck her gently I clean her dirty business
She's screaming Jesus help me and can I have a witness
We go to Mexico on my motocross
We tell her bro hello but he's a miniboss
But you know how I floss when it comes to steppin
I don't just kick his ass I blow up his zeppelin
That's right I blew up HIS zeppelin too.
Ohhhh the Humanity.
Try to catch me while I pass you
You can't see my badass tattoo
I'm too fast and too elusive
Helicopters are a nuisance
Deadly jet skis try to get me
Enemies are always meddling
Somebody tell these bitches that you can't catch mc chris
I am awesome I am bitching
I'm avoiding ammunition
Push the button just in time
For our smokescreen flow they minds
Sweet bikini watch me slaughter
While I load this rocket launcher.
Hope you don't have a wife and kids 'cause you're about to be blown to bits!
[Mc:]
Fuck you robot hitler head, I'll never join you! you expect me
To believe that's Hitlers body? What a bunch of bullshit!
Robot Hitler Head:
Fuck me!? Fuck YOU!
Bitchin expedition it's a south pacific shoot out
I'm grounded and surrounded and I gotta get the loot out
Jungle ready with machete I'm a agent that's impatient
Naked jungle ladies save me and I don't know where the day went
Zombie Nazis got me and they lookin mighty mean
Fuck the foot red deaths score the Wilhelm scream
Swinging vines over mines in my ATV
Roll light I tell my chopper, "what a great relief"
Immortal mutha fuckas have to suffer my wrath
Money hungry mutha fuckas must regurgitate cash
My creepy cheep wants to speak but they're fixin the bath
They want the double O dick all up in they vag... WHAT!?
Robot Hitler head surprisingly did not have a zeppelin...
But! he did have a zip car.
Try to catch me while I pass you
You can't see my badass tattoo
I'm too fast and too elusive
Helicopters are a nuisance
Deadly jet skis try to get me
Enemies are always meddling
Somebody tell these bitches that you can't catch mc chris
I am awesome I am bitching
I'm avoiding ammunition
Push the button just in time
For our smokescreen flow they minds
Sweet bikini watch me slaughter
While I load this rocket launcher.
Worked for the empire worked for the Hutts
Worked for anybody cause I didn't give a fuck
A job is a job and a bounty gets a buck
And I'm always kinda poor cause this war kinda sucks
The mental schizophrenic from the gas planet Gand
I'm a chubby little grub more insect than a man
Three fingers on each hand I can regenerate limbs
I'm a rebel sympathizer cause a guy killed my kin
Don't talk don't sleep and I don't take baths
Never could compete flunked fourth grade math
Crash course in the force made of poor kids' laughter
Now I'm meditatin' waitin' predictin' the prey's path
Granted I said I might have been a Jedi
Nobody gave a shit so I split on a red eye
So I go buy a blaster and a bowtie
To the hunters guild cause this field has a gold mine
We got the bug eyes it doesn't bug us
4lom and Zuckuss bad ass muthafuckas
We got the bug eyes it doesn't bug us
4lom and Zuckuss bad ass muthafuckas
Then I got a partner and the jokes were never funny
For him it's not an art it's for the love of the money
We would ambush our opponents intercept their information
He brought the knowledge and logic I brought the meditation
Got a reputation now my bling is a computer
Vader called us up to chill on the executor
Said he had a smuggler that was buggin' his breather
Yo I can relate I can't hardly breathe either
It's a mess but not the best when we can finally find Fett
Intercept the bounty cut the gross and not the net
He's a tricky little dick with a dent in his dome
Got away with solo now Lom's a puddle of chrome
Brain was wiped got him working but it wasn't the same
Like back in the day off the chain kicking ass taking names
I became a rebel agent thanks to 2-1B a new lung new life
Yo it's up in the streets
We got the bug eyes
We got the bug eyes
We got the bug eyes
New lung new life
Yo it's up in the streets
We got the bug eyes
We got the bug eyes
We got the bug eyes
We got the bug eyes
New lung new life
Beer I love it I guzzle it down
And dope I smoke it pound for pound
And girls I love them but they can't be found
Cause they're throwin' curve balls from the pitchers mound
Cheese steaks I eat them when my hungers fierce
I love my girl who's tongue is pierced
Every Thursday at eight my family would watch Cheers
Imagine people drinkin' beers watchin' people drinkin' beers
Alcohol is evil foot and mouth introducer
Like a thread in a needle it's a sexual seducer
Name is mc chris mc bucks is my producer
Keep your bum away from mr. motor cause he might goose her
Wild turkey til the rooster Mamoosa in the mornin'
Doing shots like goose tonight well one is what your formin'?
Cause your stomach needs some pumpin', liver needs some lovin'
And your girls needs a johnson that's worthy of shovin'
Whiskey River don't leave me hangin'
I need a cold one to keep the cool kids bangin'
Whiskey River I don't wanna drive
I'm gonna have to face the rest of my life
Gin and tonic rather than the chronic
Watch the bubbles fizzle it's kinda hypnotic
If beer was water you know I'd be an aquatic
Beer makes you transform cause beer is robotic
Enough about it or have I said too little
Take my beer away from me and play monkey in the middle
I kid you not you'll be eatin' snot
If you fool with my brews or partake in my pot
Without askin' don't be robbin'
We like Baskin Or else I'll be sobbin'
Throwin' punches while I'm hob knobbin'
A one way ticket on me to John Hopkins
I'm stockin' my cellar with liquor propellers
So me and the fellas drink two and burp like hella
A melon that's throbin' come mornin' time
I'm in another fat pickle from drinkin' and rhymin'
Whiskey River don't leave me hangin
I need a cold one to keep the cool kids bangin
Whiskey River I don't wanna drive
I'm gonna have to face the rest of my life
Know what I mean break it down baby
Whiskey River don't leave me hangin
I need a cold one to keep the cool kids bangin'
Whiskey River I don't wanna drive
I'm gonna have to face the rest of my life
Whiskey River don't leave me hangin'
I need a cold one to keep the cool kids bangin'
Whiskey River don't leave me hangin'
I need a cold one to keep the cool kids bangin'
Whiskey River don't leave me hangin'
I need a cold one to keep the cool kids bangin'
Whiskey River don't leave me hangin'
I need a cold one to keep the cool kids bangin'
Whiskey River don't leave me hangin'
I need a cold one to keep the cool kids bangin'
Whiskey River don't leave me hangin'
Stack up donuts, pack up the pies
Put on the trench coat, rack up the lies
Overcast sky and the pines are swaying
The bird gets the worm so I'm up in the am
Gotta crack a case in a place called Peaks
Where the lights all blink and your outlooks's bleak
Got a lotta caffeine, interrogating teens
The homecoming queen just rolled up on the beach
Wrapped in plastic, white as a sheet
Gave a heart attack to a man name Pete,
Who couldn't make coffee, he offered it kindly,
Tasted like fish can't put it behind me
Back to the hood got a mug of "damn good"
They say something black is in the back woods
Owls in disguise and the boys are in the Book House
Just like elm street know you better look out
Nothing in this world ever could prepare me
Think later on I maybe need some therapy
Talkin to myself, my reflection scares me
If I'm gonna die I'll have pie make it cherry
Cherry, cherry, cherry, cherry.
That's right mother fucker. Word up
This pie's so good it is a crime...
(This pie's so good it is a crime)
This pie's so good it is a crime...
(This pie's so good it is a crime)
This pie's so good it is a crime...
(This pie's so good it is a crime)
Excuse me while I break this rhyme...
(Excuse me while I break this rhyme)
Was it Audrey, oh so tawdry freshly squeezed little tease?
Was the baddie Audrey's daddy busy buying twin peaks?
Was it Leland, his attorney, always straightening his tie?
Was it Norma? She's a killer. I'm still waitin for pie
Was it Jacoby? he's an oldie, used to run with the gangs
Was it Harold Smith? Or was his crime that he's just lame?
Was it Donna the elitist packin peaches for James?
Was it Bobby Briggs? I think it is, keep hearin his name
Was it Leo? He's creepo and his ponytail is evil.
And he got a lot of screen time in the unpopular prequel
This detective got dimished so they could finish with Kieffer
But I saw Kristen Davis naked, she got fish in her beaver
What?
This pie's so good it is a crime...
(This pie's so good it is a crime)
This pie's so good it is a crime...
(This pie's so good it is a crime)
This pie's so good it is a crime...
(This pie's so good it is a crime)
Excuse me while I break this rhyme...
(Excuse me while I break this rhyme)
Name is Cooper. I'm in a stupor
Lying flat in a stained wood room
Usually strapped, but I just got capped
By a man in black or so you would assume
A dude like Lurch says "on with the search
Will you dare to dream like you did in Dune"
So I got three clues and a gun shot wound
And tick bite bruise, but whatcha gonna do?
The breeze in the trees will squeeze out your soul
Like that shit was tartar control
Murder she wrote, nobody wrote back
Gotta bust a ghost with no proton pack.
That's right. I put a Ghostbusters reference in a song about Twin Peaks. Everybody's happy
This pie's so good it is a crime...
(This pie's so good it is a crime)
This pie's so good it is a crime...
(This pie's so good it is a crime)
This pie's so good it is a crime...
(This pie's so good it is a crime)
Excuse me while I break this rhyme...
[Mc Chris:] Outta my way.
[Reporter:] Beautiful night out here on the red carpet.
[Mc Chris:] Mothafucka outta my way!
[Reporter:] MC, MC, come on over here!
[Mc Chris:] Who the fuck are you? I don't know you!
[Reporter:] how you doin? my name's Joe Garden from television.
[Mc Chris:] Fuck you, Joe Garden I don't know you from shit!
[Reporter:] MC you got a new record coming out called drinking blunts and smoking forties.
[Mc Chris:] drinking blunts and smoking forties I won't talk about shit. Get the fuck outta my face!
[Reporter:] Ok... and your new single Smackababy, endorsing infant-
[Mc Chris:] Smackababy! Make me go crazy! Smack that shit!
[Reporter:] Alright and moving on, who are you wearing tonight you look fantastic!
[Mc Chris:] Fuck you's who I'm wearing bitch you need to get the fuck outta my way! Where the fuck is the fuckin craft service?
[Reporter:] MC one last question, how did you come up with the name MC Chris?
[Mc Chris:] Fuck you's how I came up with it. What the fuck are you talk... who the fuck?... Where did you come from you son of a bitch?
[MC Record Deal:] Yo! Which one of you mothafuckas is MC Chris?
[Rapzilla:] Yeah mothafuckas!
[Mc Chris:] Who wants to know?
[Rapzilla:] Yo we do! We got a message for you from Reggie!
[Mc Chris:] Reggie? What's it say?
[MC Record Deal:] He wanna say somethin' like
[Rapzilla & MC Record Deal:] THIS!
[machine gun fire]
[Mc Chris:] Ah oh ah ah ah
[MC Record Deal:] Yeah yeah yeah yeah.
[Rapzilla:] Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah die bitch.
[MC Record Deal:] Yeah yeah mothafucka.
[Rapzilla:] Yeah yeah mothafuckin dead.
[MC Record Deal:] Yo your fuckin dead yo.
[Rapzilla:] Yeah yeah yo you see that paparazzo.
[MC Record Deal:] yeah paparazzo.
[Rapzilla:] We killed your king.
[machine gun fire]
[MC Record:] Deal yeah we killed your king.
[Rapzilla:] We killed your king all you fuckin nerdy ass bitches.
[MC Record Deal:] We just made you twelve sided die mothfucka.
[Rapzilla:] Yo check out I'm wearing your fuckin face.
[Rapzilla:] Rapzilla's wearin your face mc chris. I'm getting my picture taken with your face on man.
[MC Record Deal:] I'm takin his picture with your face on.
[Rapzilla:] Yeah yeah yeah oh shit.
[MC Record Deal:] I'm takin his picture with my my camera phone.
[Rapzilla:] I'm wiping my ass with your mothafuckin ass ain't that a bitch.
[MC Record Deal:] Where's your jet pack now mothafucka.
[Rapzilla:] I'm wiping my ass with your ass bitch.
[MC Record Deal:] Where's your jet pack now.
[machine gun fire]
[Rapzilla:] Be our myspace friend mothafucka.
[MC Record Deal:] Cracked out.
[Rapzilla:] Everybody who used to be mothafuckin mc chris' myspace friend.
[MC Record Deal:] be our myspace friend.
[Rapzilla:] be our myspace friend yo.
[MC Record Deal:] yo Crackedouthiphip.com.
We were hoodlums, just some Muslims, in the year of '88
Me and my buddy Brian were way under age
I was a shifty little mister just watch me drift between the cliques
No one had me like my family it was kinda the pits
So I take it out on others anyone beneath my status
Making fun of making of? made me think I was a badass
Wasn't even a nerd,
I'd sit with Bri and his boys
I felt kinda included
I was so overjoyed
No one liked me and I know junior high was a mess
So I played king's quest where you go and you fence
Playground was a place where I should have got punched
But I never learned my lesson cause no one noticed me much.
Cept Brian he was funny and we shared every class
Can't explain it just somehow I knew that it wouldn't last
Had me over Friday night to watch porn at his dad's
That's when he called me out for jerkin' off in my sleepin' bag.
Brian told his friends and the word soon spread
My freshmen year at Brainnerd and I was better off dead
Everybody knew even that nerd named Kramer
He'd made fun of me in the locker room I couldn't be lamer
Do you jerk off do you beat off? yo, that's all I ever heard
If you can't control your penis maybe you should go to church
So let's persecute the perv, make him think he acts alone
Like they're not all running home to grab onto their bone
But they convinced me I was stupid, so I'd do it with guilt
That's how I was raised, and what the catholic church dealt
My behavior was a bum, I wish I knew it was a blessin
Couldn't keep myself from messin, never considered confessing
Just kept it on the low, while the lunchroom laughed
But at my expense, I had no friends, I felt trapped
But I guess I had it coming after how I behaved
Geek: ...economics, I love economics...
Bully: HEY over there! Where do you think you're going?
Geek: I'm gonna go home!
Bully: Thought you were gonna get out of school without talking to me first?
Geek: School's over. I wanna go--
Bully: I got some recollections I want to share with you.
Geek: Oh, recollections on what?
Bully: Let me think back on how many of your family members'
CUNTS I've licked today!
Geek: Oh, how offensive!
Bully: Let's see, your SISTER...
Geek: Oh!
Bully: ...your MOTHER...
Geek: Not my mother!
Bully: ...Your GRANDMOTHER...
Geek: My grandmother?
Bully: I dug up your GREAT GRANDMOTHER...
Geek: Oh, you wouldn't!
Bully: Her cunt tasted like SKELETONS!
Geek: Oh, that's gross!
Bully: HAHAHAHAHA
Geek: HEY! How do you feel about THIS!?
Bully: Oh my God! Aah!
Geek: I bought this gun at lunch!!
Bully Oh my God!
Geek: And now I am pointing it right at your face!!
I'm tired of the way you've been treating me!!
And I'm not gonna take it anymore!!
Bully: Please! Please! I...I...looking at your gun,
I...I'm rethinking all of my bullyism...and I...uh...
I just think if I were to get a second chance...
Geek: You can't get a second chance!! You are way too mean,
and therefore, you deserve to get capped!!
I am pulling back the...
thing that you pull back before you fire the gun!!
Bully: The hammer?
Geek: NOW I AM PULLING THE TRIGGER!!
Bully: OH MY GOD!
YOU PULLED THE TRIGGER ON THE GUN AND THE BULLET'S
FLYING OUT OF THE GUN AT LIGHTNING SPEED! AAH!
OW! IT HIT ME IN THE HEAD!
Geek: HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, BULLY!? HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT!?
Bully: AAH! OW! I'm dying...dying.
Geek: Wait a minute, what have I done? (cries)
I'm sorry...who will I talk to now? What have I done...
Meet a cutie at the movie go to couples skate stag
Meet me at the carousel up at six flags
I could Buy you cotton candy, win you tickets and tazmanians
Cause ever since I saw you you've been all up in my cranium.
Don't be scared, I'm prepared, got a seasons pass
I've gotten straight A's up in roller coaster class
And the Eagle and the Demon even Cajun Cliffhanger,
Iron Wolf, Shockwave that got raves from Headbangers
We'll ride the Rolling Rapids AKA we'll water rampage
We'll ride the tidal wave until we're overcome with back aches
Story I'm victorian like the imax but bigger
Tiptoe to the back row and show you I'm a good kisser.
Take an old timey picture with a sepia tone
Your butt's so cute that I can't leave it alone
I'll pick you up at seven because eight is too late
See ya next summer, I'll be missin your face
You get a golden ticket cause I think that you're great
It feels like I am flying I could ride you all day
Loves a roller coaster with a really long wait
(Loves a roller coaster with a really long wait)
You get a golden ticket cause I think that you're great
It feels like I am flying I could ride you all day
Loves a roller coaster with a really long wait
(Loves a roller coaster with a really long wait)
Now I tour the nation on occasion have the day off
Say rock and roll is coke and groupies and you would be way off
The big payoff is the comic shop I'm seekin out the Skrulls
But I'm at the coaster park cause hotel art is kinda dull
Done the gardens and the islands, been to Disney east and west
My bios got a hi oh and I'm sayin Beast's the best
Well only in the evening and auto flyin through the trees
And a hoodie in the dark amusement parks are part of me
Intimate a g out a roller roll at switzerland
Rollercoaster startin to swirl I close my eyes and picture them
Notice how they owna cause e palla likes the nitro
Well like weve done this right before it kinda drove us psycho
Did the mega did the giga did the strata in new jersey
I rode the force at cedar point and said I am not worthy
Rode the front cart with my bro dey or sometimes I rode alone
As we ascent I think I went then feel a little overgrown
Got a cutie rode the cyclone at the coney for they killed it
Can't wait to ride the coasters it will happen if you will it
Favorite rides the zipper, I wanna get her in the cage
You can have a skittle, a mento or a sweet tart.
It ain't no riddle, you don't need an ID card.
It's not illegal, it might give you some cavities.
It's kinda little, I'll take a handful if you please.
Yo, everyone loves 'em, from animatronics from outer space.
Can't get enough of them, I'll empty a bag right into my face.
You get 'em at movies. Get them in a combo meal to save
Doesn't represent a rainbow, might melt in your hand if you dare to wait.
It comes in a cup or chocolate bar varieties.
Comes in three colors, the three you see in Autumn leaves.
They're kinda spooky, synonymous with Halloween.
They are the dookie - you'll find a sack inside the freeze.
Reese's Pieces at the movies, Reese's Pieces slumber party.
We'll eat Reese's in the treehouse, we'll eat Reese's on safari.
Candy coated and you know it, peanut butter, it's no wonder
Reese's pieces got me wheezin', free me from the spell I'm under.
Reese's Pieces at the movies, Reese's Pieces slumber party.
We'll eat Reese's in the treehouse, we'll eat Reese's on safari.
Candy coated and you know it, peanut butter, it's no wonder
Reese's pieces got me wheezin', free me from the spell I'm under.
Reese's pieces!
World's Fair, Chicago in the year of 1893,
A man named Milton, a disaster outta Lancaster, P.
Inspired by the Germans and their chocolate making machinery
He invented milk chocolate or stole it from the Swiss, that's history.
So Milton built a factory, and a town and a park and a school for orphans,
Made bars and kisses and chips real cheap so poor peeps could afford them.
What a great depression - Nine-Twenty, not funny, no money in the pocket,
'cept Pennsylvania where Milton kept on cranking out chocolate.
The Mr. Goodbar and then a World War and Milton did his part.
Made anti-aircraft guns and sent the soldiers chocolate bars.
Meanwhile they had a ship in, was secretly dipped in peanut butter
In his Pennsylvania basement. It was so exciting, cue the lightning/thunder.
Name's Harry Burnett, you can bet my ass didn't go to Harvard.
Be hold up in a cup, couldn't have done it without George Washington Carver.
"I was living the high life - champagne, limousine, it was a trip,
Then I died of a heart attack - all for naught, I was bought in fifty-six."
Now please fast-forward to the seventies, scientists discover Penuche.
Peanut Butter's too oily, Pieces takes their part in the food chain,
And their name is commonplace in the latest interview with a lady named Witherspoon.
Don't eat a whole bag, kid, 'cause Mom'll be mad and Dad said dinner's soon.
Reese's Pieces at the movies, Reese's Pieces slumber party.
We'll eat Reese's in the treehouse, we'll eat Reese's on safari.
Candy coated and you know it, peanut butter, it's no wonder
Reese's pieces got my wheezin', free me from the spell I'm under.
Reese's Pieces at the movies, Reese's Pieces slumber party.
We'll eat Reese's in the treehouse, we'll eat Reese's on safari.
Candy coated and you know it, peanut butter, it's no wonder
Reese's pieces got my wheezin', free me from the spell I'm under.
[Secretary]Mr. Chandler, Mr. Ward's here to see you.
[Tim Chandler]Hey MC!
[mc chris]Tim, Tim Chand-MC Chris in the house.
[Tim Chandler]Haha, yeah.
[mc chris]Tim Chandler, New Pop. How are you, sir?
[Tim Chandler]I'm good, how are you?
[mc chris]I'm great, sir. And you?
[Tim Chandler]Ha...ha...I'm good. Listen, have a seat.
[mc chris]Thank you, thank you very much. This is comfortable...
[Tim Chandler to Secretary]Thank you, Princess. You can go...
[Secretary]Oh..okay
[Tim Chandler]Ohhh. Let me start by thanking you for a second.
[mc chris]Okay...
[Tim Chandler]The album...I got the preorders in, they look great. The album sounds great.
[mc chris]Thanks a lot.
[Tim Chandler]You look like a million bucks.
[mc chris]Thank you, thank you very much.
[Tim Chandler]Uhhhhh...
[mc chris]What-what's the matter, Mr Chandler? You look like...is something the matter?
[Tim Chandler]You don't know what I'm going through. It's becoming more and more appearant as the days tick by in my head that...that pop punk is dead...
[mc chris]What!?
[Tim Chandler]...and hip hop is the wave of the future.
[mc chris]Well...I guess it could be...I mean we don't know for sure.
[Tim Chandler]These bands, they have nothing to sing about except how girls they loved and then the girls didn't love them and they...mmmmmmm
[mc chris]Look c'mon that's good music, Mr.
[Tim Chandler]Ugh...gimme a break.
[mc chris]Mr. Ch-
[Tim Chandler]Egghead's got a song about how hot dogs taste good...I know hot dogs taste good!
[mc chris]I know you do, sir.
[Tim Chandler]I eat hot dogs!
[mc chris]I know, you have some on your desk...
[Tim Chandler]Ohhhh...Dirt Bike Annie, sure they got a woman in the band...but she's married!
[mc chris]But, it's a great ban-
[Tim Chandler]It's a cock-tease band!
[mc chris]There my, there my friends, dude.
[Tim Chandler]They tease my cock.
[mc chris]Mr. Chandler...
[Tim Chandler]Listen up. You kid, you're where it's a cause you can actually have sex with women for christ's sake.
[mc chris]Well...I do...
[Tim Chandler]That's what I'm looking for, a man's man.
[mc chris]Yeah...yeah, that's who I am.
[Tim Chandler]Allllright...Get the fuck out of my office.
[mc chris]O...o...o...okay...Mr. Chandler...thanks for seeing me...
We ain't gonna stand for no weirdness out here.
London England are you ready?
It's time for the unbelievable, the unfathomable, the laquacious mc chriiiiiiiiis!
(Ahhh ahhh ahhh ahhh ahhh ahhh ahhh)
Ya'll ready for a little rhyme a little rhyme a little lovin' and a squeeze oh yo please
Hold onto your hats know what I mean hold onto your hats I mean hold onto your hats
Cause here I am tonight hopin' my ass ain't tight
I got the hands movin' right to left (left to right)
In spite of the fact that I'm the punk who pulled your pony tail
Talkin' trash you know they call me a Garbage Pail Kid
Cause I did the things you wanted
My name is mc chris you thought you could but you couldn't
You think you're fly in your Pinto in your yard doin' doughnuts
Everyone thinks you're bogus while you thinkin' your bonus
It's like we like each other but it's War of the The Roses
Mc bucks on the bass on the keys mc roses
Mc chris on fire time to turn on the hoses
His name is mc chris and he's got a fat purse
Got a mansion and a butler but his name's not Lurch (you rang?)
Like supersoaker I've been known to squirt
Get on your knees sugar cause your ass is in church
And I'm on the pulpit cause I'm a crazy culprit
Like the bag at the bottom of the bottle
You can close your eyes and gulp it
Hope it don't sting and I hope it don't burn
Name is mc chris and it's about time you learned
That my rhymes are the kind that make you close your blinds
Cause your booty start shakin' and there ain't no mistakin'
Only misbehavin' because you been waitin'
Anticipatin' and also salivatin'
I'll be Scott Valentine and you be Justine Bateman
Don't worry about the Riddler cause they're videotapin'
Instead of date rapin' moves is what I'm makin'
Name is mc chris now please perform like turkey bacon
Word up
Somebody got a party going on
I got the bass for your face
Yes I can hold it down
These kids are such a disgrace
I need an older crowd
Mental stimulation
Voter Registration
Patches on my elbows
Match the colors of my cords
Feeling cheeky five feet weekly
I beseech thee let's be daring
No preparing no agendas
Let's go where the paper sends us
Open mic perhaps a slam
Don't care where, I need to jam
Grab your purse and clip-on earrings
Sorry I'm so commandeering
Air in tires and tank's got petrol
Acting weird cause I was let go
Say I'm boring like I'm dead
Say I lack a cutting edge
I will show them that I'm golden
Jam while jerks can kiss my colon
Nouveau guys won't stand a chance
Please park it Margaret I must dance
I got the bass for your face
Yes I can hold it down
These kids are such a disgrace
I need an older crowd
Mental stimulation
Voter Registration
Patches on my elbows
Match the colors of my cords
Are you joking? It's too smoky
There's a cover, we should leave
Let's not panic, let's beat traffic
And get home in time for tea
Kids have access nostalgia waxes
Can't relax if I can't breathe
Let's just exit, we're not sexy
I feel fat and elderly
Let's play Scrabble, let's play Boggle
Discovery channel with Ted Koppel
Kids are awful, they're all moshing
So obnoxious sneezing, coughing
Spilling beer and breaking glasses
They're no fun, these trust fund fascists
No more head tricks, we've got Netflix
Let's grow beehives and mustaches
I got the bass for your face
Yes I can hold it down
These kids are such a disgrace
I need an older crowd
Mental stimulation
Voter Registration
Patches on my elbows
Match the colors of my cords
There is vomit on the toilet
And no soap I can dispense
Girl named Wendy grabbed my testes
Now I have no confidence
Can't believe it, I smell reefer
We might get a contact high
I feel loopy I see snoopies
I need pizza with these doobies
I feel mellow, legs are jello
Hold me up or I might nap
Someone dosed my Diet Coke
It's not a joke so please don't laugh
Freaky Friday might go my way
I feel like a different person
Now I'm tripping, ceiling's dripping
Wait a minute, no crowd surfing
I got the bass for your face
I got the bass for your face
I got the bass for your face
I got the bass for your face
Yes I can hold it down
I got the bass for your face
Yes I can hold it down
These kids are such a disgrace
I need an older crowd
Mental stimulation
Voter Registration
Patches on my elbows
Match the colors of my cords
I am the chosen one no need to hold a gun
I take you there like a double Decker bus does
I am a Gryffindor stand up to Voldemort
I break it up like it was horcruxes
Loved by the kitchen staff I'm why the Weasleys laugh
Know my way around in fact I memorized marauders map
If you have to ask what it's like and how longs it last
Kinda sorta felt like wearing a flaming sorting hat
Name is Neville I'm a rebel don't worry about detention
Did I fail to mention that my specialties suspension
As in getting lifted I'm a hippy comes to Hogwarts hookups
I'm the kid you look up when you feel like getting shook up
I got cockroach clusters I got them chocolate frogs
I got every flavor made by that babe Bertie Botts
I got what you want I got what you need
I got those wizzy beats so fizzy you say wizard please
I'm summoned with a spell cause pagers are prohibited
You can go to hell if you think my times unlimited
I'll meet you by the willow kid if you prefer the forest
Just bring that goblin gold and don't wake Mrs. Norris
I am the chosen one no need to hold a gun
I take you there like a double Decker bus does
I am a Gryffindor stand up to Voldemort
I break it up like it was horcruxes
They say that I am lacking and I ain't up to snuff
Snapes always on my case cause he secretly sucks
It's hard remembering stuff I think my brain has been wiped
Like I might have seen some shit that would scar you for life
So they think that I'm a fuck up and it's brilliantly clever
So many things I can't remember like where's my toad Trevor
Can I ask for the password I fear I have forgotten
Call me Neville Longbottom I leave every bong rotten
Love treacle, Buckbeak elf out of Ireland
Meet me at the one eye'd witch or room of requirement
Step back catch a cactus blast of my stinksap
Chill Dumbledore is down in fact he likes a fat sack
If you want a break from the stress and the studies
Holler at you're buddy and I'll make you feel funny
I'm the pudgy pure blood packin unicorn power
Up in the highest tower where I fire up my flowers
[Coughing]
"This is stupid guys
This is stupid we're wasting our money
We should be using magic"
I am the chosen one no need to hold a gun
I take you there like a double Decker bus does
I am a Gryffindor stand up to Voldemort
Micro, his name is micro, micro trash
[x4]
Name's micro trizzle I get bizzle on the mizzle mic
What the dizzle I'm for rizzle pack a little pipe
But it packs a punch your lunch will soon be frizzle fry
Wanna get your cove cause only doves deserve to crizzle cry
I'm just a little guy I'm here to testify
Underdogs will overcome cause they deserve the best in life
So let's get down tonight let's kick out the jams
Get on the dance floor even if you don't know how to dance
Ladies I'm your man, fellas I'm your friend
Defend ya to the end that's my promise like the spread
I'm also like the butter knife and the white bread
I'm a nice time bottle that's in your head like night meds
I chose a dorks life I'm not the whore type
My joints on point like a samurai sword fight
This is my fourth jam this is my fourth try
If hip hop was a horse I'd be a hungry horse fly
Micro, his name is micro, micro trash
[x2]
Name is micro trash I relax with a Ziggy laugh
Yes I'm little but I feel big in a baby bath
Wear New Balance sneakers so I'll avoid a narrow path
Nights can fly a kite just like the kind that KB's has
Haters feelin' victimized just like Richard Nixon's wife
No I will not stop til I go pop like Mr. Lichtenstein
Wanna kick it for a minute then you might keep chris to mind
All you chicks who can't resist, yes you can lick my dick tonight
Don't call me bogus cause my opus is outlandish
When I rhyme it's like the time our leader spoke in Spanish
We can say the words but we will never know the language
That won't stop us we're obnoxious check the box's filled with fan shit
I'll be chillin' in my mansion I'll be f'n a maid
Ladies love me lately maybe I'm gettin' paid
I'll be chillin' in the shade with Bartleby and James
If you want it hot and fast go ask Mr. Microwave
Micro, his name is micro, micro trash
Mc Chris Ownz
MC Chris ownz
I wanna go to an MC Chris show
But he doesn't tour, so in the meantime
I'm gonna memorize all of his rhymes
I spell word with a three
Name's MC
Other rappers flow weak
Like window unit AC's
Latinas on my penis
Japanese on they knees
I love all the ladies
As long as they eighteen
I got bling up the ying
A plethora of Porsches
I'll say anything
'Cause my mouth is remorseless
Even the source says
My hip hop's a vortex
Leave horseheads on doorsteps
My mic checks cost Corvettes
The strobe light explodes white
As I step on the floor
The barkeep knows the code
So he throws me a Stroh's
Weak MC's decompose
'Cause they know I can flow
Like Wesell comma Zam
Through Coruscant corridors
Humidors filled with stoges
Filled with dro
Like Nine-Oh-Two-One-Oh
Is filled with the word bro
Fuck the lexicon of octagons
I'm all about go
These amateurs got catheders
I'm all about pro's, 'bout pro's.
MC Chris ownz
I wanna go to an MC Chris show
But he doesn't tour, so in the meantime
I'm gonna memorize all of his rhymes
I'm lit like a branch davidian
Or what's left of the lithium
In Cobain's cranium
I fill Wimbly Stadium
Once bitten, twice shy
Call it pyromania
When I roll up in Kashyyyk
I roll three Jedi's deep
The fleet of peeps that I creep
All got vest's underneath
There's no need to believe
In the heat that I keep
Or the swears that I *bleep*
Of the heiresses I freak
It's embarrising to me
I'm like kerosene it seems
Or D-R-E-W B with incendiary schemes
Blowin' up, makin' cream
I am just like Howard Dean
When I scream
I get red
I get mean
Can't believe you be buying
What I be shucking and jiving
Fuck it if I am the next big thing
With promotional tie-ins
I am just cartoon making rapper
You think I'm lying
Everybody bust a move
Like it is that rave in Zion
My self aggradizing and deprecation
Keeps 'em guessing
Call my venus flytrap
'Cause my DJ's Howard Hessman
Word 'em up, yo
Word 'em up, yo
I just let the rap game
Out of a choke hold
MC Chris ownz
I wanna go to an MC Chris show
But he doesn't tour, so in the meantime
Good evening ladies this is MC Chris
You know I know how to love loving is what I do best
For those of you that are depressed dry your eye
MC Chris will arrive
MC Chris number 1 with the ladies
Got you foaming at the mouth like a dog with rabies
MC Chris number 1 with the ladies
Got you foaming at the mouth like a dog with rabies
MC Chris number 1 with the ladies
Got you foaming at the mouth like a dog with rabies
MC Chris number 1 with the ladies
Got you foaming at the mouth like a dog with rabies
This ones for the ladies The crazy hunny-babies
The biddies with the shitties that drive
Jimmy dizzy at the mini-mall
Arby's sauce on my lapel I'm chilling at the perfume counter so I can smell
The intoxicating breezes bring on wheezes and sneezes
Have me over for dinner and let me eat your feces
I go to pieces cause I fall in love five times a day
My name is mc chris before you buy like doing KLJ
Mc chris number 2000 with the ladies so the crowd keeps shouting
You can't help it if you find him attractive
Cause mc chris is the mother fucking mac shit
Mc chris number 2000 with the ladies so the crowd keeps shouting
You can't help it if you find him attractive
Cause mc chris is the mother fucking mac shit
Mc chris number 2000 with the ladies so the crowd keeps shouting
You can't help it if you find him attractive
Cause mc chris is the mother fucking mac shit
Well one? fuck that I'm number infin'
As in "In like Flynn" so let me begin
Obviously I'm mc word I deserve it
As for the many cuties that let me berserk it
I work the circuit from XLR to RCA
I get up on the mic about every damn day
All the way from Sante Fe over to the Ukraine
I get more insane than my boy Billy Zane
On the Titanic leaving all the ladies in a Leonardo panic
Not a manic but I turn it like it's static
I lock them upstairs just like flowers in the attic
Like she was Kimmy Gibbler and I was Bob Saget
Mc chris number 2000 with the ladies so the crowd keeps shouting
You can't help it if you find him attractive
Cause mc chris is the mother fucking mac shit
Mc chris number 2000 with the ladies so the crowd keeps shouting
You can't help it if you find him attractive
Cause mc chris is the mother fucking mac shit
Amazing the act of body painting
I get up on the mic til I leave all the ladies fainting
In my life it's always raining but yo it's not cats and pups
It's me wearing hoes with big ass butts
We've been known to rock we've been known to party
We've been known to strip and shake our bodies
You like our show, you like our sound?
Motherfucker put your money down
Mc chris number 2000 with the ladies so the crowd keeps shouting
You can't help it if you find him attractive
Cause mc chris is the mother fucking mac shit
Mc chris number 2000 with the ladies so the crowd keeps shouting
You can't help it if you find him attractive
Cause mc chris is the mother fucking mac shit
The mac shit the mac shit
Who is the motherfuckin mac shit?
The mac shit the mac shit
Who is the motherfuckin mac shit?
Mac shit mac shit
Who is the motherfuckin mac shit?
Mac shit mac shit
Who is the motherfuckin mac shit?
Name is mc I'm a number one rapper
I still buy toys and read comics on the crapper
Go against the grain like the seeds that you gather
More metaphors than news cast with Dan Rather
I'm on the spit zip your lip like a gimp
Like a redwood tree more rings than a pimp
Name is mc chris dismissed as the wimp
I insist I'm the shit with a sith triple flip
Got cream in the whip, got ho's on my dick
Got a glock automatic in case some badass wants to trip
I titty rip chicks while you go get a grip
I glow on a bitch while your bro takes a fist
My flow makes me rich well rich to me
IRS takes half math makes me weak
But I do it for the fans and the crazy creeps
Now please wave your hands like they baby feet
What do I got that nobody gots
Who is the one everybody wants
Real rappers get kept fake rappers get lost
Mc chris lowercase no dots
[x2]
I slam my fist down chris is pissed now
Umbrella up Rihanna took a crowbar to chris brown
Some bitch gonna whistle mc chris'll miss this town
I'm known as a sort to make the Voldemort hiss sound
But yo I'm just here to have some fun
If you don't know better ask someone
I went I'll on a hill with a gatling gun
My pitch'll choke a bitch Marlee Matlin's stunned
Cause I'm a dog once I wiggle with my finger on the trigger
Ho's who I'm havin cause I'm sold seven figures
And my rolls gettin bigger I got money disease
And I heard the vaccine is smokin mad trees
Back off these nuts and let a man breathe
I do what I like I like to be me
Lip on the mic?
I like hip hop it makes me feel free
What do I got that nobody gots
Who is the one everybody wants
Real rappers get kept fake rappers get lost
Mc chris lowercase no dots
[x2]
Highways on hot days got wavy heat
Now please wave your hands like they baby feet
Botox ballerinas got lazy leaks
Now please wave your hands like they baby feet
I forward all my mail to Gravy Street
Now please wave your hands like they baby feet
I like hotdogs cause it's maybe meat
Now please wave your hands like it's baby meat
ILLY OI!:
mc chris is the shit
Whack mc's line up to perish
There just ain't no stoppin him
His parents are so embarrassed
mc chris can't resist
Whack mc's they get so angry
'cause he ain't a part of it
Yet beats them at their own game oh so badly
Illinois boy known to make some noise
Don't collect checks 'cause I'm unemployed
Used to love hip hop now it sucks like roids
I'm here to fill the void lemme hear ya say oi
I'm the type of dude that'll rap for food
Rhyme real smooth 'cause I don't produce
Mtv said no so I'm just on fuse
Everything to gain but nothing to lose
Yeah x8
Well I'm the baddest mc switchblade in the mic
Playground player fifth grader for life
Only bling that I wear's in my baby blue eyes
I keep my bitches on a short leash with a tracking device
My name is mc I got carcinogen beats
Been compared to Monet I've been compared to Matisse
When I'm not rhymin or fuckin I'm lookin for trees
You're givin hand jobs by the blood bank for a nickel a piece
I bring the jams, like knottsberry n' smuckers
Mother fuckers better duck 'cause I'm on downers and uppers
I gotta sack of nutter butters and a head in the gutter
I waste whack mc's like they fueling a hummer
Illinois boy known to make some noise
Don't collect checks 'cause I'm unemployed
Used to love hip hop now it sucks like roids
I'm here to fill the void lemme hear ya say oi
I'm the type of dude that'll rap for food
Rhyme real smooth 'cause I don't produce
Mtv said no so I'm just on fuse
Everything to gain but nothing to lose
Oi x8
Well I'm the crazy mc got chainsaw teeth
I'm a vegetarian ain't got no beef
I Rap rhymes over beats for duffle bags of cheese
You get a sexual release sniffin your gramma's queefs
Got more mother daughter action than Romeo and Master P
Got these bitches suckin like they vacuuming for company
My name is mc and that's the way it's gonna have to be
My tractor beams the fact that we actually the act the beat
I don't freestyle and I wear clothes that fit
I Don't flip burgers I'm a college graduate
You can hardly handle it so go ask your analyst
I'm the catalyst that moistens the panties of management
Illinois boy known to make some noise
Don't collect checks 'cause I'm unemployed
Used to love hip hop now it sucks like roids
I'm here to fill the void lemme hear ya say oi
I'm the type of dude that'll rap for food
Rhyme real smooth 'cause I don't produce
Mtv said no so I'm just on fuse
* song used in the show "Aqua Teen Hunger Force"; is not on any album
I want candy, bubble gum, and taffy
Skip to the sweet shop with my sweetheart Sandy
Got my pennies saved so I'm her sugar daddy
I'm her Hume Cronyn and she's my Jessica Tandy, I want candy!
put it in a pile, split it with my bitty 50/50 down the line
kinda like close encounters of the cavity kind
im talkin liquorice kisses, talkin chocodile smiles
I want candy, i got a sugar tooth
put on your shin gaurds, Sandy, 'cause i wanna knock boots
lick my peppermint stick til' the lollipop droops
gumdrop that dont stop til' its licked knot loose
(ladies)
candy... candy...
i need candy bubble gum, and taffy
get in my way punk, you're gonna get ya ass beat, nasty
Do it till your dad sees, embarass your whole family
Just 'cause you came between a kid and his candy
I need candy, any kind'll do
Don't care if it's nutritious or "FDA approved"
It's gonna make me spaz like bobcats on booze
A hyperactive juice that only I can produce
And fuel a giant drill, bore straight into Hell
Releasing ancient demons from their sleep forever spell
So they can walk upon the earth, and get resituated
And Hock the diet pills that MC Pee Pants has created
I need candy, want some candy, eat candy til' I'm dead
I'll kill you for some candy, give me candy, candy head!
Where you keepin' all the candy?!
Who made you candy king?!
If you dont give me some candy, I will make the ladies sing!
(ladies)
Candy, in tha morning, candy on the way to school
Candy, at school, at lunch in the afternoon
Candy, its good, on your way home from school
Candy, at diner,at dinner, in bed!
Mess up the mix, mix up the mess
Come on down yo, here's the address
At 6-1-2 Wharf Avenue,
BROOKLYN!
I was out in Brooklyn let it be known
2005 the water front was the zone
That's when I arrived I was fresh off the boat
The isle was ATL and it was swell to be home
Couldn't go to Queens, greek, priest looked like sith
Couldn't go to Bronx cause that's where the real rappers live
Couldn't live in Jersey cause some ex's wanna hurt me
Couldn't happen in Manhattan cause I'm just a fan like fergie
So even know it really hurt I went ahead with Billy Burke
And it was so convenient the break seemed like this could really work
Then I started countin' jerks found them out was quite a stir
Had to get Excel just to tell how many that there were
Easy to identify I learned how to hunt them
Missing from the crib and first to flame them and I dumped them
Know what I say fuck them a defensively fashioned function
You think that they'd be fun but that's a dumb assumption
Party's nonstop til cops come a knockin' til bodies start bobbin'
I'm the hipster hunter
Prescription pill popping, collective cock blockin', I'm dead d-bag droppin
I'm the hipster hunter
[x2]
Cause they're borderline squatters peg legged bastard
Jeans so tight make your balls say the password
My point is these is pirates and they all got bands
They got cute girlfriend's all I got's my hand
You don't even understand how I can mock a motley crew
I prefer a park with cynics a park with Polish prostitutes
I prefer piano why because their sound is really sad
No one seems to noticed monsters rarely have to make these bands
I detect your defects are in need for respect
And Mr. boogie nights with the very hairy v neck
Hey asshole wearin' scary specs like you are Tom Daschle
Hang you off a roof make you hum Crystal Castles
It's invite only to my gallery show
Then I turn on the gas cause they all gotta goooo
You cut coke like it's class you beg for a bus pass
Rock the Rachel Ray scarf and Glenn Frey's moustache
Party's nonstop til cops come a knockin' til bodies start bobbin'
I'm the hipster hunter
Prescription pill popping collective cock blockin' I'm dead d-bag droppin
I'm the hipster hunter
[x2]
I'm the hipster hunter
Always lip smacking that's how we actin'
Always ass grabbin' she's so attractive
Always never happens unless it's intermittent
When we are together I kinda go ballistic
Always hand holdin' that's how we rollin'
Always apart so our heart parts are swollen
Always on my mind it's like we share the same soul
And when we aren't together I kinda lose control YEAH!
I like that she got strangeness how can we arrange this
A moment of your time because my mind needs maintenance
Little bit of patience must be persistent
Think that I like her now I want her this instant
Can it be love, yo, always been against it
Unrequited, was a wreck then I set my sights on this kid
Mystic, hip chick, life had went and fixed it
Kismet, lips wet, think I am addicted
Like I had a life and somebody went and pimped it
Give my digits a minute so never insist it
And then when I kissed it it tasted like lightning
Chewing bubble yum now we cuddle bums for life-y
In time we might be, now were separate places
(In LD's Hell B my pelvis is anxious?)
She is the bomb, dig, she's so outrageous
I love my girl cause my girl got gauges
[Chorus]
Flew her to Virginia flew her to Manhattan
Flew into my life now I'm psyched to start rappin'
Somebody threw their cap in, I thought I was too lame
But yo she brings the heat like the tiniest blue flame
Now I know a new name I got a new boo
Like we in Bowser's castle life's a raffle I don't lose
Though I got the answer like the ending of blues clues
My plan is to romance her till her very last tooth's loose
I am just not used to the way that my heart beats
Now she in my life like a kid in a car seat
I drive a little slower cause I know we're in real life
Black girl jeans with the booty that's too tight
Now that I have hindsight I'm happy for heartbreak
I don't mind that the main event starts late
At least it started I was ready for dark days
Don't mind that we're apart as long as we don't part ways
[Chorus]
Yo girl this is mc chris I'm sorry it didn't work out.
I really wanted it too but you're just too far away and at the end of the day I can't handle that long distance relationship no more.
I come home from tour every time and I got some girl I can spend time with on the phone on Google chats on America Online instant messenger.
But it's not the same as just holdin' somebody in real life you know?
Where you can smell their bad ass breath and you know when they fart.
I wanna know when you fart girl, but I don't and that's why I gotta say goodbye.
mc the name, my kick is the crane,
display wide range of shit for dem Hanes.
You pella like panes, i'm hella teh lame,
a chemical craze some find hard to face.
A rhymer for days, rhyme 'cause it pays.
Eat Frito-Lays whenever I'm blazed.
My skull's on fire so call me Nick Cage.
Dress in all black so please call me Chris Gaines.
You wanted a jam, put others to shame.
Here I am, the title i claim.
In world full of Blains, I'm just a Ducky,
lucky in love 'cause these hoes wanna fuck me.
I'm not a jock, do not like sports,
I punch a clock chocked full of force,
like to drink beers and chill with my friends
then turn on mc 'cause it's for the win win win win!
mc chris!
mc chris for the win!
mc chris for the win!
mc chris for the win!
Dope mc's in disbelief.
mc rhyme, John flip da beats.
Pimp the bill, we fill the seats.
Kick us out, we fill the streets!
Mic magician check the sleeves,
no tricks, my schtick's my masterpiece.
You know how I spell that fast relief?
mc stands for MASTER CHIEF!
Hip-to-be-Squares won't admit defeat
while they inhale antihistamines.
Now please spark a spliff of the crystal kief
then try to beat me at Soul Callibur 3.
Feelin' fatigued? Just gettin' started.
Chillin' with chicks who are gonna get carded.
Livin' this life 'til i'm dearly departed,
now open a window 'cause somebody farted!
mc chris!
mc chris for the win!
mc chris for the win!
Have you ever met a girl and you thought she was dope
And you wanna buy her popcorn and a medium coke
But when proximity's close, you close up shop and you choke
Time to write a thank-you note to dear old dad for the cloak
She's really cute and her hairs illuminescent
In fact, it's hard to smell her
'cause you know she get to stepping
But you just observe from across the way
If I was working EBGames then you would not pay (full price)
I'm nice and I'm sweet and I shower twice a week
Kid diggin on my speak 'cause I represent the geeks.
But I'm really hella cool, and I had sex before
So don't fidget with your digits an' no texting, whore!
I've Falynn and I can't get up
Girl I love you, yeah I got a crush
I'm on mushrooms and I lost my lunch and I
Don't think I can make it home alone.
I stare at my shoes and I look away
'cause I think you're kinda cute and I like your face
One day we might embrace, and I'll have to hide my boner
You don't want do it Dottie, I'm a rebel and a loner
I'm a rap superstar with a mic in my hand
But I can't talk to girls, unless the girl is a fan
But yo, I got a plan, I love it when it comes together
We'll get married and have babies
And we'll all wear matching sweaters.
Yes, I'd do her if I knew her
This is hard without computers
She don't need another stalker, or intruder to pursue her
She don't need a guy like me, whose favorite movie's Starship Troopers
Why don't you kill me baby, is it because I'm a loser?
I'm a winner, just beginning to roll up my sleeves
Roll up, next to me, I can't breathe and I wheeze
Hi, my name is MC, what's yours? That's great!
Want you in the worst way.
This is so our first date.
I've Falynn and I can't get up
Girl I love you, yeah I got a crush
I'm on mushrooms and I lost my lunch and I
Don't think I can make it home alone.
on the first day of xmas my dealer gave to me
a bag of shrooms and some lsd
we snuck into the park to steal some xmas trees
but the cops pulled up and asked us nicely to leave
we're all fucked up on smirnoff eggnogg
we crunch on candy canes and rev up all our chainsaws
you give us 30 and we'll tie it up at no extra cost
we'll take that 30 and spend it on pot
we're not too bright we flunk all of our classes
get in fights gettin drunk 'cause we're bad kids
our dads call us bastards mom's always plastered
we're the closest thing to suburban gangstas
cold air's what we breathe our vests have no sleeves
it's hard to haul trees in subzero degrees
we smell like evergreens
all I want for xmas is my two front teeth
and some mistletoe all up in this piece
maybe a girl that's free of disease
and while I'm thinking, throw in a couple of g's yeah
I want my snowmobile treads to be fixed
I want a ho who doesn't mind my snowsuit doesn't fit
I'm just a hayseed selling trees to break trees
know yer daddy hates me it's drivin ya crazay
even though my nose is runny get the honey's 'cause I'm $
but I never get laid can't find my way into long undies
I don't trip, just dip, listen to country
with my piss I write my name because I think it's funny
I'm so into this deciduous lifestyle
you see dead tree and I see a cash cow
I never bargain and I never back down
put the back seat down and I take yer ass to tree town
yer daughter's givin me the eye
so I am givin her a ride
I'll put up the tree myself and put up all the lights
as long as I get all up in her tights
all I want for xmas is my two front teeth
and some mistletoe all up in this piece
maybe a girl that's free of disease
and while I'm thinking, throw in a couple of g's yeah
I want my snowmobile treads to be fixed
I want a ho who doesn't mind my snowsuit doesn't fit
I'm just a hayseed selling trees to break trees
Emo party
Emo party
I'm gonna have myself an emo party
I will invite all of my emo friends
We will put all our records on
And dance and dance and dance
Until we don't feel sad
Shake that booty wipe them tears
Work that body fight them fears
Speak your mind and let them hear
Defend yourself, cause you're not weird
We got balloons and paper plates
Party favors, ice cream cake
Turtle necks and circle frames
One eye's hidden behind my bangs
Got black jeans I got Doc Martens
Skin that's thick and a heart that's hardened
Lives have ended, party started
Pocket full of pencils let's get arty
No big whoop ain't no thang
Dance pants on and a disco brain
I feel no pain, got no nerve endings
Now check the e-vite that I'm sending
I'm gonna have myself an emo party
I will invite all of my emo friends
We will put all our records on
And dance and dance and dance
Until we don't feel sad
I don't wanna be sad no more
I just wanna get on the dance floor
In this case the carpet, might sound far-fetched
Goes into my art and makes me an artist
Why I suffer why I moan
Why I feel bad so bad to the bone!
Grind my teeth demolish my molars
Erratic emotion cause I'm mostly bipolar
Shake that ass write that blog
Get out the word while you work that jaw
Write that poem squirt them guts
You're not alone, yo you're not nuts!
Are you depressed? Suicidal?
Lacking liquids that are vital?
Come to my party, it's like Oz
It's where we go to shake them blahs
I'm gonna have myself an emo party
I will invite all of my emo friends
We will put all our records on
And dance and dance and dance
Until we don't feel sad
[x2]
I don't wanna be sad
It's mc chris keep your head low
Stay in your car you better go home
Cause there's nothin' but starch in the corn below
Gettin' down on the farm not on the down low
With a shovel and hoe you sold the land
With a burger and fries from the hotdog stand
Just the sun and a doobie and a farmers tan
Just an empty old barn and a bored rock band
Chillin at the seminole fucked up on tobacco
Kids dive in with Tom to go back home
Life's a vacuum but here it's wide open
While your busy mopin' I'm in the dark gropin'
Down on the farm motorcycles not mopeds
Dead old ladys not dreadlocked dead heads
Carburetor on the front lawn, lemonade on the porch
Luke was a farm boy before he used the force
Word up
You don't know who you are with your dope beats and your fat porsches
Name is mc chris I prefer back porches
Don't try to file a case cause you got no sources
The laws on my side cause the law I enforces
On your stupid styles they're just dumb
Tougher than leather your not tougher than my gun
Cause we hold our own out in the mid west
We don't need gunin' law with him we're not impressed
Don't wanna run away like Wendy and Peter Pan
Call it the Bible belt I call it Neverland
Sippin' down chili dogs outside the Tastee Freeze
Diane sittin' on Jacky's lap hands between his knees
Down on the farm with shoot the queen with a gun?
Don't cause no harm just wanna have fun
Drink Pabst, race cars, maybe tip a cow
Down on the farm I'm down with a hoe down
Oh mc chris you're so nice only 25 dollars
You say cowboy I say cow
If the shit goes down
If the shit goes down (better be ready)
If the shit goes down (better be ready)
If the shit goes down (better be ready)
If the shit goes down I got my six shooter
Get your ass outta town I'm a boosted roto rooter
More like Norman Bates unlike Uncle Jesse or Cooter
Name is mc chris I don't miss now pass the buddha
Showdown at sundown Daisy Duke at my side
Honey says you don't get shot I'm sure to be your bride
I replied hell yeah as the gun did decide
Sink into the soil as Black Bart grabbed his heart and died
southern belle from the atl, eyes set on mind melt, she makes my heart swell, I love the
way she feels, I love the way she smells, I love the way she talks, I love the stories
she tells. there's nothing I don't like, sold hook, line and sinker. she's got this rapper
wrapped around her manicured finger, she's dramatic and simple, kinetic and nimble, she's
a fickle little riddle and she makes me go mental. I'm in love that's the one thing that
I'm sure of, can't get enough of this stuff , can't get enough of her hugs, she makes me
not want to drink or do any drugs, hold her forever until the sun comes up.
chorus â why oh why won't you be mine? I tried so hard not to cry. can't contain what lies
inside when you call me up and just say hi. why oh why won't you leave that guy? why
oh why must I be denied? when oh when will the time arrive when you look me in the eyes
and say your mine?
southern belle from the bible belt. together forever, only time will tell. until I know for
sure, now that I'm in hell. when you kiss me deep know that it's deeply felt. my eyes
well up when your car pulls up, feel like a dumb fuck that's shit out of luck. love bites,
love bleeds, love fucking sucks. feel so stuck in a rut, knowing you're love is a must.
are we really just friends, will this night ever end? I tried to imply that it was all
just pretend, but a lie that size makes a man a mess. oh, when will I see you again?
Chinese Song
Microphone Testing, 1, 2, 3
In the place to be
Whats up everybody
My name is Tai Mai Shoo
And I am going to rapping for you today
just a little free-style
But first and foremost I like to thanking roadie styles
Beyond compare
for getting my belt back and helping me promotion my fuse
and in return
I will teach them how to make 1 million dollars
wow, and when you hear it you will be like wow, i dont believe
so simple
no skills involed at all I could have falled that myself
and then he say what, what the hell?!
I dont believe
check it out though
I was cruisin down the street in my Impala
they asked me who the girl in tha car
thats just my baby momma, dont give a fuck about da hoes
i sock that bitch in tha jaw
cause i despise and put the nail in that ho
cause im too sick, gimme the heebee jeebees
break in all the houses, steal all your tv's
kick your daddy in the peepee
yea as u can see see
i run around the corner and laughing, hee hee, hee hee
put ur mama in a headlock, or a full nelson
then i let your neighber watch
chinese food and girls
and then i raped his mama
cause im too sick
and that bitch didnt giv no-o shit
now back in my Impala
sick ass 82
saw my friend young
his first name is egg foo
a lot people dont like me
but I dont give a fuck cause I stole your tv
its in my fucking collaleena
I wish today was Sunday
so I can get a cheeseburger for
39 Cent! at McDonalds, baby!
and I, wish it was Wednesday
so I could get a hamburger for
29 cent! at McDonalds
You're cute as a care bear
I don't even care where
You tell me to be
You know I'm gonna be there
Know I'm gonna repair
Your broken heart, I swear
Cross my own on a dare
Al Capone love affair
Got style extraordinaire
Prepare for the rare
MC Devil may care
With the bev hi hair
I will be fair
No more sad solitaire
I'll go to work like Dirk
And save you from your Dragon's Lair
You can't compare
Well, ain't life a bitch
A daily kick in the dick
Well if I had a dime for everytime
You know that I'd be rich
What makes it worth while
Is your beautiful smile
I can't conceive the life I'd lead
If you would leave then I would die
mc chris will appear from the rear
With headphones on his ears
And a head full of tears
Because his girly is not near
And he fears she be on
A pimp's stick shifting gears
Another bitch ass trick
That's a ho after some beers
Should I say amaretto sour
If I see ya drinkin' PBR
You're mine within the hour
You can be my woman Wanda
I will be your Doogie Howser
We'll play doctor
Take a shower
I'll go outside, pick you a flower
Write you a haiku
Say that I love you
I can't afford a box of chocolates
So yo, here's a yoo-hoo
The voo-doo that you do
Is something I'm not used to
But I won't decline 'cause in time
I'll be true blue
Well, ain't life a bitch
A daily kick in the dick
Well if I had a dime for everytime
You know that I'd be rich
What makes it worth while
Is your beautiful smile
I can't conceive the life I'd lead
If you would leave then I would die
Well, ain't life a bitch
A daily kick in the dick
Well if I had a dime for everytime
You know that I'd be rich
What makes it worth while
Is your beautiful smile
I can't conceive the life I'd lead