2:46

Group Of Hunky Cardinals Appeals To Pope To Relax Celibacy Requirement
Mitt Romney spends most of a factory visit yelling at employees to work harder, the deep, ...
published: 21 Jun 2012
author: TheOnion
Group Of Hunky Cardinals Appeals To Pope To Relax Celibacy Requirement
Mitt Romney spends most of a factory visit yelling at employees to work harder, the deep, orange sun beautifully sets on Topher Grace's career, and a man on the verge of self-realization instead turns to God. It's the week of June 11th, 2012. Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: bit.ly Like The Onion on Facebook: www.fb.com Follow The Onion on Twitter: www.twitter.com
2:17

Reporter Goes Undercover In Chinatown By Wearing Silk Robe
Investigative reporter Gavin Fisher investigates the world of Chinese counterfeit goods by...
published: 22 Jun 2012
author: TheOnion
Reporter Goes Undercover In Chinatown By Wearing Silk Robe
Investigative reporter Gavin Fisher investigates the world of Chinese counterfeit goods by donning a long robe and a black wig. (Aired 11/1/11) Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: bit.ly Like The Onion on Facebook: www.fb.com Follow The Onion on Twitter: www.twitter.com
2:54

Insecure Miami Heat Can't Figure Out Who Garnett Called a "Sloppy-Chested Shit"
In Doc and Kenny's return to GOOMF, Kevin Garnett has thrown the Heat into identity cr...
published: 15 Jun 2012
author: TheOnion
Insecure Miami Heat Can't Figure Out Who Garnett Called a "Sloppy-Chested Shit"
In Doc and Kenny's return to GOOMF, Kevin Garnett has thrown the Heat into identity crisis, a trailblazing jockey rides directly on his horse's head, and the Braves are in the market for a 2010 Jason Heyward. Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: bit.ly Like The Onion on Facebook: www.fb.com Follow The Onion on Twitter: www.twitter.com
3:05

This Week In History: Statue Of Liberty Arrives From France, Moves Into Cramped Tenement Building
The Onion looks at the discovery of a group of North Dakotan coal miners that would become...
published: 27 Jun 2012
author: TheOnion
This Week In History: Statue Of Liberty Arrives From France, Moves Into Cramped Tenement Building
The Onion looks at the discovery of a group of North Dakotan coal miners that would become the cast of 'Happy Days,' the Supreme Court ruling that allowed black students to experience racism first hand in desegregated schools, and the historic hot air balloon ride that allowed one 13-year-old to become the first American to urinate on a crowd from 100 feet in the air. Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: bit.ly Like The Onion on Facebook: www.fb.com Follow The Onion on Twitter: www.twitter.com
2:37

Miami Marlins Deploy Airborne Drones to Seek Young Fans, Shoot T-Shirts At Them
The Face is Off and the hate is real as Kenny and Doc discuss Bosh's new addiction to ...
published: 25 Jun 2012
author: TheOnion
Miami Marlins Deploy Airborne Drones to Seek Young Fans, Shoot T-Shirts At Them
The Face is Off and the hate is real as Kenny and Doc discuss Bosh's new addiction to belly rubs, the Marlin's child-targeting, t-shirt firing drones, and NBA ref Joey Crawford's recent ejection slump. Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: bit.ly Like The Onion on Facebook: www.fb.com Follow The Onion on Twitter: www.twitter.com Follow The Onion Sports Network on Twitter: www.twitter.com Follow GOOMF's Kenny Kennedy on Twitter: www.twitter.com Follow GOOMF's Doc Brooks on Twitter: www.twitter.com
2:56

Romney Wears Anti-Bacterial Yellow Gloves While Greeting Rust Belt Americans
Americans enjoy three months of carefree vegging out before the responsibilities of fall p...
published: 26 Jun 2012
author: TheOnion
Romney Wears Anti-Bacterial Yellow Gloves While Greeting Rust Belt Americans
Americans enjoy three months of carefree vegging out before the responsibilities of fall programming resume, Herman Cain endorses who gives a fuck, and a pilot loses contact with '97.5 The River.' It's the week of June 18th, 2012. Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: bit.ly Like The Onion on Facebook: www.fb.com Follow The Onion on Twitter: www.twitter.com
2:48

Obama Win Causes Obsessed Backers To See How Empty Lives Are
The revelation that Obama's candidacy was the only thing that gave their lives any mea...
published: 06 Nov 2008
author: TheOnion
Obama Win Causes Obsessed Backers To See How Empty Lives Are
The revelation that Obama's candidacy was the only thing that gave their lives any meaning has caused many supporters to wander aimlessly, unsure of what to do with themselves.
1:39

Domino's Tests Limits Of What Humans Will Eat
Despite ethical concerns about testing on humans, researchers say their work was necessary...
published: 22 Jul 2008
author: TheOnion
Domino's Tests Limits Of What Humans Will Eat
Despite ethical concerns about testing on humans, researchers say their work was necessary to determine the boundary between garbage and food.
2:43

'Iron Man' Trailer To Be Made Into Feature Film
Fans are worried that the feature film adaptation of the beloved trailer won't live up...
published: 15 Apr 2008
author: TheOnion
'Iron Man' Trailer To Be Made Into Feature Film
Fans are worried that the feature film adaptation of the beloved trailer won't live up to the original 90-second story's vision. More coverage at: onion.com
2:37

Woman Sets Record For Longest Amount Of Time Spent Talking About Oneself
Today Now! welcomes Linda Johnston, the inspiring woman who made history by talking about ...
published: 07 Mar 2012
author: TheOnion
Woman Sets Record For Longest Amount Of Time Spent Talking About Oneself
Today Now! welcomes Linda Johnston, the inspiring woman who made history by talking about herself continuously for over fifty hours. Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: bit.ly Like The Onion on Facebook: www.fb.com Follow The Onion on Twitter: www.twitter.com
3:10

Brain-Dead Teen, Only Capable Of Rolling Eyes And Texting, To Be Euthanized
The parents of 13-year old Caitlin Teagart have decided to end her life, saying she can no...
published: 13 Feb 2012
author: TheOnion
Brain-Dead Teen, Only Capable Of Rolling Eyes And Texting, To Be Euthanized
The parents of 13-year old Caitlin Teagart have decided to end her life, saying she can now do nothing but lay on the couch and whine about things being "gay." Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: bit.ly Like The Onion on Facebook: www.fb.com Follow The Onion on Twitter: www.twitter.com Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: bit.ly Like The Onion on Facebook: www.fb.com Follow The Onion on Twitter: www.twitter.com
2:02

Breaking News: Some Bullshit Happening Somewhere
Excruciating up-to-the-minute coverage of some irrelevant bullshit story that has no ramif...
published: 09 Mar 2010
author: TheOnion
Breaking News: Some Bullshit Happening Somewhere
Excruciating up-to-the-minute coverage of some irrelevant bullshit story that has no ramifications whatsoever.
2:47

'9/11 Conspiracy Theories Ridiculous' - Al Qaeda
An Al Qaeda representative says that claims the US government was behind the attacks on Se...
published: 01 Apr 2008
author: TheOnion
'9/11 Conspiracy Theories Ridiculous' - Al Qaeda
An Al Qaeda representative says that claims the US government was behind the attacks on Sept. 11th are demeaning to Al Qaeda. More coverage at: onion.com
3:13

Missing Teen's Friends Go On TV To Plead For Her Release, Gossip About Ugly Classmates
Two teens visit Today Now! in the hopes of finding their kidnapped friend and letting her ...
published: 18 May 2011
author: TheOnion
Missing Teen's Friends Go On TV To Plead For Her Release, Gossip About Ugly Classmates
Two teens visit Today Now! in the hopes of finding their kidnapped friend and letting her know that their classmate is totally knocked up.
2:05

Did Media Treat Bachmann Unfairly Because She's An Insane Woman
The First Responders debate whether the media is harder on Michele Bachmann because she is...
published: 27 Jan 2012
author: TheOnion
Did Media Treat Bachmann Unfairly Because She's An Insane Woman
The First Responders debate whether the media is harder on Michele Bachmann because she is a woman who is crazy. (Aired 11/1/11) Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: bit.ly Like The Onion on Facebook: www.fb.com Follow The Onion on Twitter: www.twitter.com
1:00

Ninja Parade Slips By Town Unnoticed Once Again
Modesto, CA residents turned out for the city's annual Ninja Parade, where no ninjas w...
published: 17 Jan 2008
author: TheOnion
Ninja Parade Slips By Town Unnoticed Once Again
Modesto, CA residents turned out for the city's annual Ninja Parade, where no ninjas were seen for the 30th year in a row. More coverage at: www.onion.com
2:40

NASCAR Coach Reveals Winning Strategy: Drive Fast
On the eve of the Sears Classic 500, legendary NASCAR coach Dan Amon shares his strategy f...
published: 17 Jan 2008
author: TheOnion
NASCAR Coach Reveals Winning Strategy: Drive Fast
On the eve of the Sears Classic 500, legendary NASCAR coach Dan Amon shares his strategy for driving really fast in circles. More coverage at: www.onion.com
2:07

FDA Approves Depressant Drug For The Annoyingly Cheerful
Made by Pfizer, Despondex is the first drug designed to treat the symptoms of excessive pe...
published: 12 Feb 2009
author: TheOnion
FDA Approves Depressant Drug For The Annoyingly Cheerful
Made by Pfizer, Despondex is the first drug designed to treat the symptoms of excessive perkiness.
2:05

'Just Give Me The Damn Sepak Takraw Ball'
Sepak takraw fan favorite Nguyen Thi Buch Thuy has once again angered Coach Lap with his a...
published: 04 Feb 2008
author: TheOnion
'Just Give Me The Damn Sepak Takraw Ball'
Sepak takraw fan favorite Nguyen Thi Buch Thuy has once again angered Coach Lap with his antics on the pitch.
3:33

Autoworkers Compete To Keep Jobs, Livelihoods On New Reality Show
Tune in to Auto Warriors to watch two Ford plants battle it out before the LIVE season fin...
published: 27 Apr 2009
author: TheOnion
Autoworkers Compete To Keep Jobs, Livelihoods On New Reality Show
Tune in to Auto Warriors to watch two Ford plants battle it out before the LIVE season finale event: one plant will close, 3000 will get the axe!
3:00

Pretend You Give A Shit About The Election
Our morning show's political correspondent offers tips on how you can seem informed ab...
published: 26 Jun 2008
author: TheOnion
Pretend You Give A Shit About The Election
Our morning show's political correspondent offers tips on how you can seem informed about politics without picking up a single newspaper.
2:26

Conservatives: Sex Change Only Barrier Between Gays/Marriage
Rep. Iscoe warns gays will give penises to lesbians who will give them vaginas so that hom...
published: 02 Jun 2009
author: TheOnion
Conservatives: Sex Change Only Barrier Between Gays/Marriage
Rep. Iscoe warns gays will give penises to lesbians who will give them vaginas so that homosexuals can marry and continue their attack on the American family.