Sunday, 01 July 2012
2:46
Group Of Hunky Cardinals Appeals To Pope To Relax Celibacy Requirement
Mitt Romney spends most of a factory visit yelling at employees to work harder, the deep, ...
published: 21 Jun 2012
author: TheOnion
2:17
Reporter Goes Undercover In Chinatown By Wearing Silk Robe
Investigative reporter Gavin Fisher investigates the world of Chinese counterfeit goods by...
published: 22 Jun 2012
author: TheOnion
2:54
Insecure Miami Heat Can't Figure Out Who Garnett Called a "Sloppy-Chested Shit"
In Doc and Kenny's return to GOOMF, Kevin Garnett has thrown the Heat into identity cr...
published: 15 Jun 2012
author: TheOnion
3:05
This Week In History: Statue Of Liberty Arrives From France, Moves Into Cramped Tenement Building
The Onion looks at the discovery of a group of North Dakotan coal miners that would become...
published: 27 Jun 2012
author: TheOnion
2:37
Miami Marlins Deploy Airborne Drones to Seek Young Fans, Shoot T-Shirts At Them
The Face is Off and the hate is real as Kenny and Doc discuss Bosh's new addiction to ...
published: 25 Jun 2012
author: TheOnion
2:56
Romney Wears Anti-Bacterial Yellow Gloves While Greeting Rust Belt Americans
Americans enjoy three months of carefree vegging out before the responsibilities of fall p...
published: 26 Jun 2012
author: TheOnion
2:48
Obama Win Causes Obsessed Backers To See How Empty Lives Are
The revelation that Obama's candidacy was the only thing that gave their lives any mea...
published: 06 Nov 2008
author: TheOnion
1:39
Domino's Tests Limits Of What Humans Will Eat
Despite ethical concerns about testing on humans, researchers say their work was necessary...
published: 22 Jul 2008
author: TheOnion
2:43
'Iron Man' Trailer To Be Made Into Feature Film
Fans are worried that the feature film adaptation of the beloved trailer won't live up...
published: 15 Apr 2008
author: TheOnion
2:37
Woman Sets Record For Longest Amount Of Time Spent Talking About Oneself
Today Now! welcomes Linda Johnston, the inspiring woman who made history by talking about ...
published: 07 Mar 2012
author: TheOnion
3:10
Brain-Dead Teen, Only Capable Of Rolling Eyes And Texting, To Be Euthanized
The parents of 13-year old Caitlin Teagart have decided to end her life, saying she can no...
published: 13 Feb 2012
author: TheOnion
2:02
Breaking News: Some Bullshit Happening Somewhere
Excruciating up-to-the-minute coverage of some irrelevant bullshit story that has no ramif...
published: 09 Mar 2010
author: TheOnion
2:47
'9/11 Conspiracy Theories Ridiculous' - Al Qaeda
An Al Qaeda representative says that claims the US government was behind the attacks on Se...
published: 01 Apr 2008
author: TheOnion
3:13
Missing Teen's Friends Go On TV To Plead For Her Release, Gossip About Ugly Classmates
Two teens visit Today Now! in the hopes of finding their kidnapped friend and letting her ...
published: 18 May 2011
author: TheOnion
2:05
Did Media Treat Bachmann Unfairly Because She's An Insane Woman
The First Responders debate whether the media is harder on Michele Bachmann because she is...
published: 27 Jan 2012
author: TheOnion
1:00
Ninja Parade Slips By Town Unnoticed Once Again
Modesto, CA residents turned out for the city's annual Ninja Parade, where no ninjas w...
published: 17 Jan 2008
author: TheOnion
2:40
NASCAR Coach Reveals Winning Strategy: Drive Fast
On the eve of the Sears Classic 500, legendary NASCAR coach Dan Amon shares his strategy f...
published: 17 Jan 2008
author: TheOnion
2:07
FDA Approves Depressant Drug For The Annoyingly Cheerful
Made by Pfizer, Despondex is the first drug designed to treat the symptoms of excessive pe...
published: 12 Feb 2009
author: TheOnion
2:05
'Just Give Me The Damn Sepak Takraw Ball'
Sepak takraw fan favorite Nguyen Thi Buch Thuy has once again angered Coach Lap with his a...
published: 04 Feb 2008
author: TheOnion
3:33
Autoworkers Compete To Keep Jobs, Livelihoods On New Reality Show
Tune in to Auto Warriors to watch two Ford plants battle it out before the LIVE season fin...
published: 27 Apr 2009
author: TheOnion
3:00
Pretend You Give A Shit About The Election
Our morning show's political correspondent offers tips on how you can seem informed ab...
published: 26 Jun 2008
author: TheOnion
2:26
Conservatives: Sex Change Only Barrier Between Gays/Marriage
Rep. Iscoe warns gays will give penises to lesbians who will give them vaginas so that hom...
published: 02 Jun 2009
author: TheOnion
2:05
Did Media Treat Bachmann Unfairly Because She's An Insane Woman
TheOnion
1:00
Ninja Parade Slips By Town Unnoticed Once Again
TheOnion
2:40
NASCAR Coach Reveals Winning Strategy: Drive Fast
TheOnion
2:07
FDA Approves Depressant Drug For The Annoyingly Cheerful
TheOnion
2:05
'Just Give Me The Damn Sepak Takraw Ball'
TheOnion
3:33
Autoworkers Compete To Keep Jobs, Livelihoods On New Reality Show
TheOnion
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