My Purpose.....

what is it? I've been pondering this on and off and this is an on time and I still haven't got the answer. A lot of people I know do wonderful things, exciting things, important things, interesting things, and then there's me, who doesn't really do anything. I sometimes feel like I'm just a blob, just a blip in the world. I know I'm a daughter, a wife, a mother and a friend and those are important things but should I be more than that? And what makes these wonderful, exciting, important and interesting (and really smart) people want to be my friends?

I guess I'm feeling in limbo, there's not much I can do with 2 little ones still at home, but I'm feeling a little stuck. Same with my weight loss, that's in limbo too, I keep getting sick and working out and being sick don't really go well together unfortunately. I know I'll get back into it but I hate feeling helpless and being idle. I'm trying, but I can try much harder, which I will try to do once I'm better.

Gah! I don't know why I'm making this post, I guess it's better out than in, to help me get some clarity? I just feel at such a stand still, not going forward, not going backward, just still. I have grand plans for my future but will they always just be grand plans? I have no idea how to really do anything, I can be me, that's it, but I don't think I'll ever be satisfied just being me, I feel like it's not enough. But I'm worried that if I do try and put my grand plans into action that I'll fail at them and be back where I am now, and I don't know which would be worse, trying and failing or never trying at all. And what if I can never afford to do what I want to do, what then?

Blah, I guess I'll ponder some more and see what I can come up with. If I figure it out, I'll let you know. If you've read this, thank you, you need not respond, I think this is more a post for me than it is for you :-D

Time for some photos

Hi All

You want to see photos right? Because I'm going to put some, so I hope you do.

Before hair

After hair

Comparison June 2010/March 2012

New Clothes

Wearing the beanie

Ok, so there you have them, and I'm glad to see that seeing as I haven't been working as hard as I was going to that I haven't stacked on the weight, only a little bit, but still I know I have to work harder. I have come to realise now that I have started this journey, this will just be a way of life, sometimes I'll work harder at all of this sometimes I won't. Sometimes I'll gain weight, sometimes I'll lost it, sometimes I'll stay the same. It's just my way of life now, sometimes it's easier, sometimes it's not, but that's just life in a nut shell isn't it?

Such a bad blogger

*Peeks head in* Hi Folks, I know, I know, I was going to try and blog more, but I seem to have blogged LESS :( Sorry about that. Sometimes life just gets in the way. And I'll be honest with you, the person that commented saying that my blog appeared to be a pro anorexic blog really hit me for a six. There's no way I am pro anorexic, my blog is simply about me and my journey and I have no plans to be anorexic and nor would I recommend being anorexic to anyone. I'm also not telling anyone that they need to or have to lose weight, if you want or need to then that's your decision and up to you. If my journey can help you and inspire you then that's awesome but weight loss is such a personal journey and a decision one must make for themselves, if your head isn't in the game and you're not in the right place then there's no point in beginning the journey. I reached that point and decided enough was enough.

Aaaaannnnnyway. Moving, things have been super busy with lots of birthday's in February and I'll admit I have gained back a few kgs which I have hopefully started losing since the beginning of March. I've been eating pretty well and now that I'm well (at the end of all the birthdays I got sick from being so busy) I have been exercising. I was going to begin the C25K again, but I was scared of failure, getting busy or getting sick and not being able to finish AGAIN. So I made up my mind to do it on my own steam (yes, this is becoming a habit) and I'm currently running 1km and trying to beat my time each time, and so far I have improved. I started running it at 9 mins, got it down to 8 mins 40 secs and just today beat that again and did it in 8 mins 25 secs. My aim is to build up 1km at a time eventually getting to 5km. I've also been doing situps, tricep dips and a few push ups. Still need to get heavier weights, but am also considering kettle bells. I've also ordered a work out DVD and am looking forward to getting that. I've also tried to mix things up a bit and sometimes pull out the Wii Fit and do some cardio workouts on that.

I've been watching what I've been eating as I said, but if I've had something a little bit naughty I have tried to balance it out. However yesterday we went out and I just let go, it was nice to not think about it for a day. I'll also do that on my birthday on the weekend and then I'll be back into it. I'd prefer to do that on the odd occasion and try to eat mostly healthy all the rest of the time.

So that's where I am currently at, I've set my bar really high of being at goal by Christmas, I don't think it will take me that long, but just in case it can't hurt to have it that far away :D

Will TRY not to be so naughty with my blogging, note I said TRY ;)

Game On

So the game has begun, I ate really well yesterday (Monday), I didn't have focussed exercise but I did a fair bit of walking, so I'm happy with that. Yesterday for breakfast I had a piece of wholemeal toast with a poached egg, and on the side some baby spinach, a piece of bacon and some avocado. There was no need for lunch, I was so full from breakfast, but in the afternoon I had a handful of the snack mix I made the other day. For dinner I had a big yummy salad:

In my salad was baby spinach leaves, red capsicum, mini roma tomatoes, cucumber, beetroot and a pulled apart moroccan lamb patty. I would have used no fat greek yoghurt but I didn't have any so I used some weight watchers sour cream, watered it down to make it more of a pouring consistency (I didn't want to add calories by using milk) and added in some moroccan seasoning. It was DELICIOUS. I love, love, love salads, they are so very versatile which is so awesome.

Today (Tuesday) I had a bowl of Sanitarium Light 'n' Tasty, Macadamia and Honey, this cereal is my absolute favourite, so yummy and a piece of toast with vegemite. For lunch I decided to make a dipping plate:

I made some beetroot dip:

Beetroot Dip 

Women's Weekly, Super Light Cooking Book

Makes 2 1/2 cups

Nutritional count per tbsp

Total fat 0.8g

Calories 18

Carbs 1.9

Protein 0.5

Fibre 0.6

Blend or process 850g can of drained beetroot, 1 quartered garlic cove, 1/4 cup sour cream, 1 tbsp tahini and 1 tbsp lemon juice until smooth.

Super easy and it was soooooooo yummy.

On Sunday night, yes I'm back tracking days, sorry. I wanted something really light for dinner, looked in the cupboard and found I still had some rice paper, so I made some delicious rice paper rolls:

Once you have the rice paper, you can pretty much put whatever you like in them, I put chicken, cucumber, carrot, beetroot and avocado in mine, and it was awesome, I wanted to make more and just keep eating them. They're a little bit fiddly but SOOOOOOO worth it. Here's a base recipe for you: http://www.taste.com.au/recipes/25427/coconut+chicken+rice+paper+rolls but you can honestly change it and put whatever you like.

Back to today (Tuesday) I have sausages out and I'm thinking I will BBQ them (if I can be bothered) and I think I'll make a sweet potato salad, a herbed mushroom salad and probably a green salad to have with it.

I've gotten some exercise in today, and burned 282 calories, not great, but it's a start, I've got some fitness to build up again. I did 2 YouTube workouts, look up Spark People and POP Pilates and also did 5 minutes of running on the treadmill.

Water is going well and I'm into my second litre today and I just had an afternoon snack of a banana and some of my snack mix. So, so far so good.

Food Glorious Food

So I thought if I remember and have a yummy recipe to share with you that I would blog about it, so here I am, I even have photos for you too.

We had a really yummy weight watchers recipe for dinner last night, and it's definitely worth sharing. So here it is:

Pasta with bacon, tomato and sour cream sauce

Weight Watchers Pro Points: 9

Serves: 6 

Prep time: 15 mins

Cooking time: 25 mins

2 tsp Olive Oil

125g weight watchers bacon, chopped

1 medium brown onion, chopped

2 x 400g cans diced tomatoes

2 tbsp herb and garlic tomato paste

500g linguine

1/2 cup weight watchers sour cream

2 tbsp chopped, fresh flat-leaf parsley

1. Heat olive oil in a large frying pan over medium-high heat. Add bacon and onion and cook, stirring, for 5 minutes, or until bacon is crisp. Add tomatoes and tomato paste and bring to the boil, then reduce heat and simmer, covered for 20 minutes. Add a little water if the sauce is too thick. Season to taste with salt and freshly ground pepper.

2. Meanwhile, cook pasta in a large saucepan of boiling salted water following packet instructions, or until just tender. Drain and return to pan. Add tomato sauce to pasta, tossing to combine. Divide pasta among serving bowls. Top with a dollop of sour cream and serve sprinkled with chopped fresh parsley.

I also sprinkled with a little parmesan cheese which made it extra yummy.

Something else I made myself and I just made it up so don't have quantities, but you can put in what you like and as much as you like, is a snack mix. Something I can just grab a handful of to snack on if I'm hungry and don't want anything else. I took some unroasted, unsalted nuts and added then to a roasting pan with popcorn I popped in a bag in the microwave and some mini pretzels. I sprayed it with cooking spray, sprinkled with a little salt and a little sugar, stirred it through and put it in the oven, I let it roast until everything was golden and then took it out to cool. Once it was cooled, I popped it into a storage container and then I added sultanas, dried cranberries, pepitas and chopped dried apricots.

Delicious and easy :D

Well I'll Be

I weighed in today, expecting a gain, a big one too because I've been VERY relaxed on these "holidays" but I was actually DOWN 700g, so YAY! So I'm currently on 89.3kgs, the lowest I've been is 88.something kgs, so hopefully I will be below that soon. That means I only have 19.3kgs to go until I get to goal and a total loss of 35.7kgs. I've decided to take the rest of the weekend off and start off fresh on Monday.

I got my heart rate monitor today:

Looking forward to putting it on and seeing how many calories I can burn. I'm hoping to get myself into a routine with exercise and hopefully it will run smoothly. Of course I do have 3 small children and will have school runs to be doing again soon and have a household to run etc, but it definitely can and will be done. To have lost weight in this weigh in was a HUGE boost, knowing that I CAN do this on my own especially seeing as I haven't even been trying, looking forward to seeing what I can do on my own when I'm REALLY trying :D :D

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm going to try and blog more, especially if you're interested in how I'm going and wish to join me in the end of my journey.

I'm definitely ready for this.

Getting my tools together

Yes, you read correctly. I have actually been doing what I said and been getting my tools together to get cracking on my own. I have bought a heart rate monitor AND I have bought new shoes, these are the main tools I needed to get going and as I go along I will add more tools, ie.heavier weights, workout DVDs, maybe some boxing gear etc. I'm also going to buy an electric steamer and be more strict with weekly meal planning. I've bought myself some snacky things in this shop that I can just graze on if I don't really feel like eating, I find I'm not usually hungry at lunch time, so stuff I can graze on will help with that I think.

My plan with eating is going to be trying to have my heavier type carbs earlier in the day and try to avoid them in my evening meal, I've swapped having potatoes to instead having pumpkin or sweet potato. I think I will also buy myself a swanky looking water bottle too, at the moment I'm just using a disposable one and refilling it.

I've been on a bit of a holiday whilst my husband has been off work, and haven't been exercising or eating that well, but I've tried to compensate here and there, but we've been out lots and been having fun together, which has been the most important thing, if I have put weight on it won't be there for long, back into it hardcore as of next week.

Next Wednesday I'm going to a pump class taught by a lovely, lovely friend of mine, she assures me I won't die, we shall see ;) I think it's time for some photos? It's been a little while.

Original picture size 24, 125kgs

Original picture size 24, 125kgs

Current Pic size 14-16, 90kgs

Current Pic size 14-16, 90kgs

Before Hair

After Hair

Christmas Dress

Really starting to like my face

See..

One more for good measure

Flash new shoes

So that's where I am currently at, I should get my heart rate monitor next week and then look out, I'll be gunning it. This year is MY year, I will get to my goal and I will run a fun run or 2, my first one will probably be the Mother's Day Classic :D LET'S DO THIS!!!