George W. Bush "Elite Force Aviator"
by Herman B. Hayes
![](http://web.archive.org./web/20120511192341im_/http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/5506/973/200/698026/Bushtoy.jpg)
With his F-15 badly damaged and burning furiously our Brave Bush ditched his aircraft into the
Our Great Leader has been keeping
by Herman B. Hayes
by Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes
I have a horrible confession to make and I therefore seek your infinite wisdom and moral genius. I have never touched myself in my entire life but the other day I woke up to find that I had somehow managed to spill my seed in my sleep. - “Mike”First of all, Mike, let me say that while I’m not a doctor I do know that the event you recount in your email is physiologically impossible. Forgive me if I have trouble believing your far-fetched little story about ejaculating in your sleep. As you know, God is completely aware that such an occurrence is nothing less than the wasting of millions of potential lives. Why would He in His infinite wisdom make this a natural function of your body? I for one know that my body doesn’t work that way. Granted, your story is both disgusting and compelling, but frankly it just does not add up.
And Judah said unto Onan, Go in unto thy brother's wife, and marry her, and raise up seed to thy brother. And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother. And the thing which he did displeased the Lord: wherefore he slew him also. (Gen 38:8-10)Instead of just marrying his dead brother’s wife and engaging in procreative sex, Onan used the pull-out method and thereby let millions of potential lives fall upon the floor. This left God no choice but to dole out a severe smiting to Onan as He had to his brother before. So remember, Mike, that every time you take yourself into your own hands, you’re playing a dangerous game of Russian roulette with your fleshy pistol. Your next time could well be your last.
by Herman B. Hayes
by Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes
by Herman B. Hayes
We received this very disturbing letter in the Moral Mailbox yesterday, and I felt that it deserved an immediate response. Some things, such as possible homosexual tendencies, cannot be ignored in good conscience.
“Dear Moral mailbox: I shed a tear when I saw that Rick Santorum was going to have the election stolen from him. I have always thought of myself as a manly-man, but I realized that I would miss Rick's smile. Does this make me gay? Do I deserve to live? Does thinking I might be gay make me a liberal? Am I going to Hell?
-Billy in
Well, Billy, it seems like you have a real situation on your hands here. Let me get one thing clear right off the bat: Yes, you are gay. You “would miss” another man’s smile, and that means that you would like to engage in oil-washed intercourse with that man. I am guessing that wanting to have sex with another male makes you gay, right, that is still the definition in this politically correct world? Tell me, when you look at a picture of Rick Santorum, who I will admit is rather handsome, in a man way, do you simply see him as a sexual object for your gratification? I have no doubt that you do.
As for the next part of your letter, concerning whether or not you deserve to live, I think that Jesus would be the best one to answer that. I might be biased.
I am not saying that you should end your life, since that would be wrong, but your fate is already sealed. Why make God wait to judge you. I am sure he would rather get on with things than wait around for a man-luster like you, Billy boy. Jesus will give you his answer when you get to His door, Billy, and I would not keep Jesus waiting if I were you. Your chances are already dim.
No, Billy, I do not think that being gay makes you a liberal. I, personally, am convinced that being liberal will make you gay.
Liberals are all gays, and all gays are liberals. There is no way to avoid this fact. Most liberals are, of course, in the closet about their sexual preferences, and probably always will be. This is, through some act of Satan, how liberals manage to reproduce and keep their species going. Liberals are the only animal on Earth whose very procreation is based on lies and deceit. If a person is born of lies, of course he will choose the political party of liars, drug users, sodomites, pedophiles, and Nancy Pelosi.
Billy, it is not all your fault that you are a closet liberal. Chances are that your parents are, too. You should be happy, at least, that your mother and father got past their feelings for people of the same sex, and created you.
Of course, you should be less than happy that they lied to you, and told you that you were born conservative. Politics is not a lifestyle choice, young man, it is something you are born with. Liberals are a lesser animal, somewhat like a chimpanzee, or maybe a maggot. It is not your fault that you were born a liberal. Actually, it might be good news for you.
Recent research has shown that liberals may be born without souls, Billy, so you might not be going to Hell after all. You need a soul to enter Heaven, or Hell, so you might not go anywhere. In the meanwhile, I still think liberals are going to Hell, the thought just makes me happy. Have hope, Billy, you might just disappear into nothingness, much like your party-of-birth will be doing soon.
by Herman B. Hayes
That way you could actually fund the Islmo-aborto-fascists as they go about their evil and disgusting work. Make sure that you have some quotas in place, though, you will need to be sure that you have some gay terrorists on the payroll.
Thank you, Liberal America. Thank you for taking away the sense of safety and security that the Republicans gave me. Thank you for taking away the knowledge that my anus was mine to do with what I please, keeping it tightly clenched. Thank you for destroying everything that I hold dear. Enjoy your two years of power, please. We will be taking over again in 2008, if you animals leave us enough
Note: This post was authored by both Herman B. Hayes and Michael Gregory Steele.
by Herman B. Hayes
In the final tally, Bobby "How Could This Happen To Me?" Casey received only 20% of the vote in
Another factor in today’s crushing defeat of Bobby-Satan-Casey could have been the weather.
Slight drizzle prevailed over much of the state today, and as we all know, that kind of horrible weather is all it takes to keep weak-willed little liberals snug in their beds. Beds, that is, that are not crawling with jihadists due to the hard work of the Republican Party and real men like Rick Santorum. God has smiled upon us once again by unleashing a Heavenly assault of fine particles of rain upon
It was not just
I guess people really do understand that we are winning in
Tonight the Hayes home will be a house of celebration as we raise a toast to Senator Santorum-of-Christ, and all the Republican candidates who did so very well today.
Republicans from all over the state will be there, and we will be happy for an evening before we begin the hard work of crushing evil and preventing flag burning and anal sex again on Wednesday. Finally, the Democrats have been crushed. They will never recover, and that is reason enough for me to raise my glass.
Our drinks will be poured by minimum wage workers, who make $5.15 an hour, which is enough for any family if you spend it right and don't waste money.
In his concession speech earlier this evening, Bobby "Oh So Many Tears" Casey tried to convince us that he was proud of his campaign staffers. It will be a dark day when I coddle my lazy and shiftless runaways from the welfare rolls when they fail me at my refinery, or at my poolside bar. They did not do well, Mr. Casey, and they did not "try their best". They failed, you failed, and you should never show your face in public again. God has spoken, Mr. Casey, and he has declared you too liberal for heaven, and just liberal enough for Hell.
A note from Herman: I am writing this post a little bit early, since I am throwing a lavish victory celebration this evening. The numbers and statistics that I use are subject to change, but I doubt they will change by very much.
Update: Due to certain technical issues, our victory celebration has been cancelled.
by Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes
by Herman B. Hayes
by Michael Gregory Steele and Herman B. Hayes
It's nearly November and Bob Casey has apparently decided that a Senate seat is more important than a seat in Heaven. That's the only conclusion I can come to when I see Bob Casey continue to openly oppose Rick Santorum, a man the Lord is more than fond of.