satire
15 Mar 2012
The Worst Prejudice Of Them All
Bob Katter's views were forged on the anvil of upright morality. The haters raging against the drunken uncle of the nation would do well to consider their own anti-hatredism, reckons Ben Pobjie
"How Do You Solve A Problem Like Bob Katter?" would, at this point in our nation’s history, be an appropriate song to sing if you’re the sort of person who finds the Wharf Revue clever.
But for the rest of us, the current situation is no cause for glibness — we are engaged in a battle for our country’s very soul, and the social, economic and moral destiny of Australia could depend on whether we choose to listen to Katter’s strident, heavily tanned message, or toss it aside like a small bag of toenail clippings.
A lot of the focus of late, of course, has been on Katter and his Australian Party’s attitude toward homosexuals, and rightly so. There are few issues more central to the wellbeing of a society than homosexuality. As Albert Schweitzer probably said, "You can judge a society by how hard it beats its gays", and these words are just as true now as they were when he drunkenly slurred them. There is no point in addressing the economy, the environment, defence or border protection, if your gay policy is in a muddle. As they say, the economy is a wholly owned subsidiary of the homos, and it’s from macro-homonomic policy that all else flows.
The reason for this is, principally, concentration. It is just very hard for a government to concentrate on the job at hand if it’s constantly having to worry about who’s doing what in which bedroom, or who’s inserting what into whose where. Without a clear, concise, fair-minded but well targeted policy on gay folk and their admittedly well intentioned but nevertheless anti-Biblical deviancy, we’ll never get anywhere in our struggle to transition to the Asian century and overcome the challenges of a two-speed economy without worrying if the waiter is winking at us.
Which is why the Katter Party (slogan: "A Vote For Katter Is A Vote For The Faint Odour Of Cows") released their recent ad raising some extremely pertinent questions about would-be Queensland premier Campbell Newman. And it is telling that Newman has not yet addressed those questions, preferring to keep voters in the dark about his intentions. Yet surely the voters of the Sunshine State deserve to know the answers to: 1) Whether he supports gay marriage, or is normal; 2) Whether he intends to govern from a position of authority, or spend all his time folding skirts; 3) What is his relationship with the disembodied floating head of Bob Brown, and just how much influence will this head have on LNP policy if Newman becomes premier?
Reasonable questions all, so why won’t Newman answer them?
Is it because once in government he plans to legalise gay marriage and criminalise straight marriage and flood the market with Filipino bananas? There seems no other reasonable conclusion. We must be grateful to Katter and his state lieutenant Aidan "which party am I in?" McLindon, for bringing this to our attention.
Now homophobia is a thorny issue, and not just because it’s an invention of the gay mafia. A lot of people will say that Bob Katter’s ferocious assaults and slurs on the same-sex attracted population stem from a place of great insecurity about his own sexuality.
But this would be leaping to conclusions.
Just because Katter has a deep-seated fear and mistrust of homosexuals doesn’t mean that he himself is constantly battling the urge to kiss a man. Just because he is in denial about the existence of homosexuals in north Queensland doesn’t mean that he lies awake at night yearning to feel, just once, the tender touch of a man’s tongue on his thighs. The mere fact that he wishes at every turn to smear and disparage those of a homosexual inclination is no indication that every day he has to restrain himself from seeking out a firm, smooth young buck to ride bareback.
This is a point that cannot be over-emphasised — there is no reason to assume that when Bob Katter makes an offensively anti-gay statement and emits that awkward laugh of his, his mind is filled with visions of himself, naked except for his hat, bathed in sweat and grunting like a camel as he writhes in carnal euphoria with another man, gasping with exertion and panting with joy as his body melds with his chosen Adonis, shuddering and squealing as he achieves the release that rural political mores dictate he can never experience.
This is a totally unwarranted assumption, and I would advise you to immediately banish it from your mind. The fact is that Bob Katter’s views on gays were forged in the furnace of rugged north Queensland country life, and shaped on the anvil of old-fashioned upright morality, and cooled in the water bucket of agricultural protectionism.
It’d be unfair to simply dismiss him as a mad bigot — he’s more the jolly old uncle who might cause a few awkward silences at Christmas, but at the end of the day, he’s passed out drunk so it doesn’t matter much. If Katter’s opinions seem quaint, or outdated, or prejudiced, or unbelievably annoying, maybe a bit of self-reflection is needed, huh? Could it be that you’re the bigoted one, that Katter’s views have struck a nerve because you realise that you have been living an immoral life, and it hurts to be called out on it? Could it be that anti-hatredism is the worst kind of prejudice at all?
Who is more hateful, the hater, or the hater who hates the hater for hating? The second one certainly has the word "hate" in it more often, so, you know, there you go. Do the maths, yeah?
So I urge you, at this vital juncture in Australian politics, not to dismiss Bob Katter out of hand. Beneath that enormous hat and that wheezy laugh and that strong sense that he’s about to walk into something lies a shrewd political mind and the heart of a true patriot. He may not be politically correct, but at least he’s passionate, and isn’t that more important than being reasonable or right about anything? His passion is overwhelming. Sure he might be a bit hard on the gays, but at least under Katter they’d know where they stand — probably at the bottom of a pit, having fruit thrown at them. And that’s all that a community of human beings can ask for isn’t it — certainty?
I’m not saying vote for Katter, but I am saying that if you like jobs for Australian farmers, bananas that don’t smell like satay sauce, and homosexual men in pregnancy prostheses being rounded up by wild-eyed cattle ranchers on buffalo back to be put to work on building a massive water pipe from Tasmania to Darwin, among other true-blue dinky-di fever dreams, give the KAP serious consideration.
In all likelihood, we could do worse.
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Posted Thursday, 15 March 12 at 10:52AM
I don’t agree with Gay marriage, never have-never will. Therefore get labelled “quaint, or outdated, or prejudiced, or unbelievably annoying”
I don’t have to agree with what the public presumeably want. Even if I’m wrong, call me a ‘Phillistine’.
“The worst prejudice of all” is being labelled because I don’t believe in gay marriage - when it is my right to disagree with whatever I want, whenever I want.
Posted Thursday, 15 March 12 at 11:15AM
What I can’t banish is the image of Bob Katter
You did that.
Posted Thursday, 15 March 12 at 11:31AM
ha ha Ben - you are always worth the read!! I don’t know what it is about Katter but he just makes me laugh…? I can’t take him seriously though! Can he actually be conservative if he’s also politically incorrect most of the time? And I’m not so sure about the smell of cattle - there was this poll Hereford bull that lived in the paddock across from a farmhouse I used to rent - the bellowing that thing could emit…maybe that would be a better analogy?
Posted Thursday, 15 March 12 at 11:33AM
oh and chris, I actually found the “small bag of toenail clippings” more disturbing!! Do you have one of those Ben? Shudder….
Posted Thursday, 15 March 12 at 12:01PM
*eyes bleeding* “…his mind is filled with visions of himself, naked except for his hat, bathed in sweat and grunting like a camel as he writhes in carnal euphoria with another man, gasping with exertion and panting with joy as his body melds with his chosen Adonis, shuddering and squealing as he achieves the release that rural political mores dictate he can never experience.”
Thanks for the laff again. No thanks for the visual symphony.
Posted Thursday, 15 March 12 at 12:41PM
Jandamarra, whether it’s really what the public want or it’s what the public is being told they want by lobby groups is a very vexed question.
I applaud your strongly worded statement. When I say something like that, my comment is frequently deleted.
But then I’m a male!
www.dangerouscreation.com
Posted Thursday, 15 March 12 at 1:55PM
Gold!!!!
Posted Thursday, 15 March 12 at 3:12PM
Alex Njoo
I’ve always thought that the end of the Howard years also spelt the end of bush politics. Alas, Bob “nine lives” Katter appears on the political horizon dragging us all back to the 18th century. What next Bob? Public hanging?
The tragedy that is Bob Katter (& co.) is now what he stands for but what he is. Notwithstanding News Ltd/Corp monopoly on public opinion, we are relatively an intelligent lot among our OECD peers. It’s, therefore, embarrasing that our political landscape is marred by the Bob Katters of this world.
Posted Thursday, 15 March 12 at 5:23PM
Jandamarra I support you 100% Gays ( gay original meaning being happy a word they robbed and use to suit themselves) homosexuals is the correct term and why is it that people have to go along and agree with their unnatural ways and ideas.
If one looks at history, what brought to Roman Empire undone within?
The laws of nature state that like poles repel and unlike poles attract not like the way that the self minded selfish people want to buck the system and the laws of nature and if they say they have religious beliefs, well then they are the biggest hypocrites going.
Bob Katter I applaud you for saying what you think and wanting to bring back this sick society of ours for somewhere decent to live and survive.
Posted Thursday, 15 March 12 at 6:10PM
Bunyip Bluegum
Ah Grumpy, you’re almost as funny as Ben!
Posted Thursday, 15 March 12 at 8:12PM
Goodness me, Grumpy, do you really mean that or are you just living up to your name?
Pity Bob Katter is such a lunatic, because I’ve always thought he’s really cute!
Posted Friday, 16 March 12 at 9:01AM
Thanks Ben, I started to find Bob Katter a bit sexy for a second there. If I ever decide to turn I might give him a call.
Grumpy293 I can’t believe the 292 people above you in the Grump Society could be more grumpy than you. I hereby elevate you to Grumpy1. Good luck with your magnetic genetalia, I hope you find an unlike pole soon.
Jandamurra, of course you have every right to your opinion. It may be worth though reading back to some of your previous comments about racism. It seems to me you undercut your position if you are willing to deny rights to one group while advocating for the rights of others.
If all these matters are simply arbitrary, everybody saying exactly what they want, when they want, then there is an even stronger need for a change in legislation to make sure your strong feelings about this one group don’t stop them from enjoying the rights others take for granted.
Posted Friday, 16 March 12 at 4:21PM
Ho Humm. Radical conservatism is just so “in” these days.
Posted Friday, 16 March 12 at 10:08PM
Outrider
I only saw the ads once, but didn’t see what was homophobic about them. There were two men gazing longingly at each other. Isn’t that what homosexuals do?
Please tell me what was homophobic about it.
And yes, let us not use gay as a euphemism, homosexual is the correct term with unambiguous meaning.
The rest of the ad was about pointing out that Newman was in favour of homosexual marriage So what? Isn’t it true?
Posted Friday, 16 March 12 at 11:54PM
Ben,
Time to update the bio. Fuggs
Posted Saturday, 17 March 12 at 4:25PM
I agree with Bob Katter’s right to run an ad pointing out Campbell Newman’s support of gay marriage. I also agree with his right to use the word ‘gay’ instead of ‘homosexual’. I also agree with Jandamarra’s right to disagree with whatever Jandamarra wants, whenever Jandamarra wants. I can’t say I agree with Grumpy293’s statement on the laws of nature, because I didn’t understand it. Nor do I agree with anything Dave Grayling says, because I don’t want to.
I would like to engage with Alex Njoo, though. I think Bob Katter belongs on the political landscape not for what he stands for or what he is, but for what he represents. Which is a gigantic electorate far away from me. They voted for him, that’s democracy. Personally I find it more embarrasing to see a foreign minister resign from office, whilst representing the country overseas.
The thing with Bob Katter is that the more he opens up his mouth, the more likely it is that reasonably minded activists will realise that the best course of action is to relocate - en masse - to Kennedy, so that Bob can be democratically replaced.
Posted Sunday, 18 March 12 at 1:18AM
Just because someone disagrees with same sex marriage doesnt make them homophobic. Even the ad itself, picks on Newman, a conservative leader, flopping about on his own parties views.
So its not fair to say Katter, who also opposes SSM as well as the LNP, is getting the focus of pro-gay marriage hate. Neither is it, with the ad, which doesnt degrade homosexuals themselves.
Gays already have all the rights they seek. They can be in wills, have relationships, get centrelink payments, all that sort of thing already. They just dont tell anyone that and say that ‘we have no rights until we can marry’ kind of BS.
Also to note, it appears even though homosexuals dont want to be discriminated against, they abuse, harrass, degrade, discriminate, threaten, and physically assault (I have been) anyone who opposes gay marriage, even if they dont discriminate gays in general. Actually they abuse anyone who doesnt agree with them, which is sad to note. Maybe the gay lobbies should focus on removing the hate and discrimination in society and promote peoples well being rather than self serving themselves to get a better title. Which, i believe, is rather selfish and discriminatory to ignore doing that vital task and instead abuse people against SSM
Posted Sunday, 18 March 12 at 12:34PM
I agree with much of what sneaky guy said about lobby groups and undeserved titles etc, but there are two things I must point out. Firstly; not every gay (and lesbian person) has all the rights they seek, and I’ve never heard anybody say they had no rights until they could marry. Secondly; not every homosexual abuses, harrasses, degrades, discriminates, threatens and physically assaults anyone who opposes gay marriage. To say so is clearly prejudicial.
Posted Sunday, 18 March 12 at 5:46PM
At last - someone with the guts to point out that if it’s really about true love and loyalty we’d be dedset on marrying our pets.
Now, who’s ready to adopt me?
(sic)your’s trueley
Posted Monday, 19 March 12 at 11:12AM
no fugglet, I wouldn’t be dedset on marrying my cat. I love him to bits, but he’s simply not capable of making an informed decision in regard to such a monumental ramping-up of our relationship.
The great Ben Pobjie referred to this situation in a previous article, when he pointed out the absurdity of a boy being allowed to marry a shark.
Posted Monday, 19 March 12 at 12:12PM
I need some bleach for my eyes after reading some of that! :^)
Posted Monday, 19 March 12 at 12:14PM
@Stephen, That would be ‘jumping the shark’ in an entirely different way!
Posted Monday, 19 March 12 at 10:23PM
Was there a white male supremacist float at Mardi Gras this year?
Posted Wednesday, 21 March 12 at 12:35PM
At the risk of incurring tractor loads of collective disapproval from the readers, I actually admire Bob Katter for several reasons. I do not share his views on the legal status, hypothetical or actual, of homosexual relationships.
I do however largely agree with his views on economic policy, especially regarding the agriculture sector. Though perhaps not for the same reasons.
Fugglet’s first comment above struck a chord with me: “radical conservatism is just so “in” these days”. And I wish it were “out”. because with it would go the oil-swilling, muck-making, criminal waste of resources known as Free Trade, more of which we are currently being trapped in like flies on sticky paper.
Bring back protectionism! It’s better for our food independence, disease protection, and saves heaps in global transport related greenhouse gas emissions. Who knows, we might not even have to dredge Port Phillip?
Posted Wednesday, 21 March 12 at 5:47PM
Hi Jane E
Thanks for bringing me up to speed on Bob Katter’s other (non homophobic) policies. I didn’t realise he had any, but there you go, free press in action.
One thing though, this thread was about the homophobic policies.
Posted Monday, 26 March 12 at 1:40PM
Ben, I can understand the reason you produce this sort of junk is because you don’t have a real job, but what is the excuse of all these other bloggers?