Michael "Mike" Reiss (born November 15, 1959) is an American television comedy writer. He served as a show-runner, writer and producer for the animated series The Simpsons and co-created the animated series The Critic. He created and wrote the webtoon Queer Duck and has also worked on screenplays including: Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs, Horton Hears a Who!, The Simpsons Movie and My Life in Ruins.
He was born to a Jewish family in Bristol, Connecticut. He was the middle child of five children, and his father was a doctor. Mike Reiss attended Memorial Boulevard Public School, Thomas Patterson School and Bristol Eastern High School and has stated that he felt like an "outsider" in these places. Reiss then went to Harvard University where he became co-president of the Harvard Lampoon along with Jon Vitti. It was there that he met Al Jean.
Reiss has frequently collaborated with Al Jean as his writing partner. Reiss started his career in television in the 1980s. During this period Reiss and Jean worked as writers and producers on television shows such as The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson (1984–1986), ALF, and It's Garry Shandling's Show, and wrote for the humor magazine National Lampoon.
It didn’t take long after you didn’t win
Proclaiming yourself the new Napoleon
Cowboy George on his throne.
Shooting off your guns and your mouth on the ranch
Pissing off the world from Mozambique to France.
Now we’re stuck on our own.
So what can you do—now your popularity’s falling
Find an enemy you can beat and come a-calling.
People eat what’s on their plate
Even if it’s only lies
Just be sure to fill them up with freedom fries.
You didn’t need new clothes ‘cause you’re wearing the
flag
You figured by now the election’s in the bag
Everything else is forgotten.
It didn’t work out quite the way you planned
Mission accomplished? I don’t understand.
And you never mention Bin Laden.
And oh, have you heard? No word
Of weapons of mass destruction
As Cheney’s pals start the Iraqi reconstruction
And now we’re stuck with the bill
As our good friend Kim Jong Il
Builds another nuke out there in North Korea.
Lololololololo—The Emperor strikes out again
Lololololololo—The Emperor strikes out again
Don’t walk away from me
I’m not that kind that likes to be put down
Don’t leave me standing here
I’m not the kind that likes to be the clown in the rain
for the world who must sing
Without you my life’s gonna be forever Tuesday morning
(x2)
I’m so alone inside I haven’t got the guts to go away
The world is wicked and I’m just to weak to ever want to
Pray for the best but prepare for the rest
Without you my life’s gonna be forever Tuesday morning
(x4)
Forever Tuesday…
I’d give up everything I owned for you
I’d have a piece of nothing pie
I’d wait alone here for that rendez-vous
If only I was not so lonely
If only I was not so homely
If only I was not so lost within you
Scattered light!
Dust billows up from the ground
I find myself jumping for my life
I can't believe this is happening
I am under a rock and something touches my skin
Thoughts jolt through my memory
Like I was never even born here at all
I don't think this thing is human
I am meeting the outside world
Talk now
I don't think this thing is human
Talk now
A creature similar to our own
How can they be better
Oh why are we the only ones
That lie and hate
This is the only one
that we have ever seen
And its told me so much more
Then this world will ever know
There is no measure of time
As I fly through the night sky
An impression of one finger
Will tear all down to the ground
To the ground
I never asked for this
I swear I can't do this
Will this be my life
Please take it back
Take control this is your life now
There is a person that needs all my help
A falling being with words unspoken
Her beauty is sent from above
Her body falls from the highest tower
Her screams growing faint by the moment
Rushing, rushing to save her
I am wondering if I ever will make it
Passing through the glass
I swiftly pass my hands through her hair
My bodies bombarded
Dropping to the ground
Hit the floor
As I raise her up
People stop, look now
This is who I am
This is who I'm suppose to be
This is now my dream
And it's made me everything that I've got
I'll never stop
It's the end of the world
Are you ready for what we've created
The waters are at our door step
The carnage is happening
Our flesh will be ripped from our bones
Sleeping with one eye open
We were warned but we never would listen
My lips crack from thirst
This is the way we are to live
And everybody will cry
Everybody will cry for their God to take their lives
This is the way of mankind
But the suffering will not stop
This is the punishment for those who don't believe
We are under!
We are under a higher power
Why are you taking all our lives
To me this doesn't seem to be alright
But this is the end of the line
I'm ready to die
I'm ready to fly
Breathe, Just breathe
This isn't the end now
Breathe, Just breathe
Were all in the breakdown of what is happening
It's happening
I can't breathe
The lions are coming
They've ripped me apart
And this is all i'll ever know
With the eyes on the back of my head
There will be no peace
To comfort me on the darkest night
I watch the sun set for the last time
I believe the makers will return someday
But until that day comes
It's the end of the world
I am ready to die
A selfish person stands in the room
And that is all I will ever be
My trust at hand is buried deep
In your body my soul is yours to keep
My fall is yours to keep
We all see you
Standing next to me
I know you're a liar
Your one way mind
I couldn't see
You're pulling and pushing
Pulling and pushing me
Where have you gone?
My minds a burning wreck
And its done
I'm moving on...
You all know me
You all know me
So why are all you still pointing?
You all know me
You all know me
You should of trusted me
I need you now
How could I betray her like this?
My life would be nothing without her
These tears come from a bastard child
With all his selfish ways
I come upon this hour
I come upon this hour
Please
I wont go on with out her
Please
Don't take her away from me
Don't take her from me
I need her to go on
Pease oh God, oh God
Away from me
Bang! Bang!
My minds like a loaded gun
The things in my head
Are pushing me to do the stupidest things I swear
You're nothing more to me
Than my fist in your face
And I will watch you hit the floor
Damn
I have busted your lip and now I'm wanting and needing
more
Damn
My heart has been racing
My knife has been tasting the flesh on your bones
Its just repeated, Repeated and now I feel the need to
run home
But where is home for me?
You are a killer
You are a monster
Did you take a look in his eyes
When you took his sons from his side
Did you take a look in his eyes
When his wife went blind from your knife
You make me better than I ever wanted to be
In this moment I'll take my time
so put my love my trust in your heart cuz you're mine
I promise you thar this is who i wanted to be
This isn't me wasting my time
I swear to you that we will always be fine
And all I know is tonight
I'm not alone in this fight
I'll give all i have to you now
And all I know is tonight
My love for you is just right
I'll give you all I have
All I have...
Sleeping next to you brings a smile to my face
I feel the sheets moving slowly
My heart is suddenly warmer by your embrace
And all I know it tonight
I'm not alone in this fight
I'll give all I have to you now
And all I know is tonight
My love for you is just right
I'll give you all I have
All I have...
You've given me all that I've wanted
All that I've wanted
And all I know is tonight
I'm not alone in this fight
I'll give all I have to you now
We'll live our life and we love
When we die I'll always be the one
To hold you hand to cry you'll be the one
Distance yourself
My patience, My patience.. my time is wasting
Me and my greed will never stop till the end.
These strings will never break
In time ill wilt away
Its time to take on the impossible
I will rise above you
Oh my, what do I do?
Give me the tools to follow through
This world's in need of love to keep
This greed and hate beyond its FEET.
Our only world
Our only world
Filled with a people
That can not stop their need for more
A greed so strong, destroys the people
Our very earth that we walk on
How can we live life like this?
Is there any hope
So i'll pray... for all the children
Who will suffer the years to come
I never never could imagine it like this
It never had to be me putting up my fists
My fist
So i'll put the pen to the paper
Show the world that the time is now
Reclaim what belongs to the people
Lets not destroy what is left in this life
It's time to save ourselves
It's time to save everyone else
Everyone else
Let us change
For all mankind
Our only world
Filled with a people
That can not stop their need for more
A greed so strong, destroys the people
Our very earth that we walk on
So I'll pray... for all the children
Who will suffer the years to come
I never never could imagine it like this
Face the fight and I will always be there
Always waking but never knowing the way
Break these cuffs that bind these hands together
There's got to be a way out of this place
I thought I knew the way
But I always fell flat on my face
This needs to end or begin
A new days in store for me
Face the fight
Life's a battle that can always be won
Live not die
When the world turns its back on you
You stand up
Stand up for whats right
Its time
I always thought you were gone
Never knowing never knowing
You were here
Even as time went on
Never knowing never knowing
You were here
You were always here
Then came the most beautiful thing
Most beautiful thing
It changed my life
It's for the best
It's for the best
This is a new life this is a new time
I will never go back to that place
I'll die the few that change my life
You have shown me the love and the light
The light
I always thought you were gone
Never knowing never knowing
You were here
Even as time went on
Never knowing never knowing
You were here
I guess I finally got it right
You called me up on a moonless night
You used to know when I was almost gone
It always starts with one mistake and
Picking up was all it take
But this time you had me waiting too long
Cause I'm lonely
But baby that's just heartbreak
And it ain't gonna kill me
As long as I don't let you back for one last round
There's places
Only you can take me
I used to think you'll save me
No, I know better now
If you'd have called the other day
Well this could have gone the other way
And I'd be somewhere up against your skin
But Heaven sent a little grace
And I woke up in a different place
And I ain't goin' back where I've been
Cause I'm lonely
But baby that's just heartbreak
And it ain't gonna kill me
As long as I don't let you back for one last round
There's places
Only you can take me
I used to think you'll save me
But no, I know better now
I could pull you close
I could breathe you in
Say that it's the last time
Again...
Cause I'm lonely
But baby that's just heartbreak
And it ain't gonna kill me
As long as I don't let you back for one last round
There's places
Only you can take me
I used to think you'll save me
No, I know better now
(I know better...)
I know better, I know better now
(I know better...)
You may not remember the night that we met
But I've been tossing and turning and dreaming
About you, boy, ever since
Too long I've waited, yeah, I've played it cool
But that's overrated, here I go breaking the rules
I'll dial your number, you won't have to wonder
The way that I'm feeling
Maybe tonight I'll turn your head, yeah
And steal your breath, yeah, and spin your heart
I'll have you right where I want you
Ooh, in my arms, I won't disappoint
With a little bit of kissing
Make you see what you've been missing
I'll finally call you mine
Baby, maybe tonight
You know I've seen you get that look in your eyes
But like a gentleman you've been pretending
You're just a friend, playing it shy
It's harder to hide it when you come around
But you can't deny it, boy, I'm calling you out
Come and get closer, the guessing is over
I know what you're feeling
Maybe tonight I'll turn your head, yeah
And steal your breath, yeah and spin your heart
I'll have you right where I want you
Ooh, in my arms, I won't disappoint
With a little bit of kissing
Make you see what you've been missing
I'll finally call you mine
Baby, maybe tonight
Maybe tonight I'll turn your head
Steal your breath, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I'll have you right where I want you
Ooh, in my arms, I won't disappoint
With a little bit of kissing
Make you see what you've been missing
I'll finally call you mine
Baby, maybe, baby, baby, maybe tonight
I don't need no one to tell me how to feel the beat
I don't need no beat to tell me how to move my feet
Just go and do what you do
'Cause there's nothing to prove
(I'm just being me, watch me do me)
I don't need no magazine to tell me who to be
I don't need to pose for p-p-paparazzi
Just keep the cameras flashing
To try to catch this action
(I'm just being me, watch me do me)
Light up the floor, play me one more
Let me hear that
Click clack on the hi-hat or the base vibrate
Feel the room rock
Light up the floor, just like before
Let me hear that bass drop
And the boombox make your heart stop
Feel the room rock
I'm doing all I wanna do
And I won't stop until I can't move
I'm just being me, watch me do me
(Me, me)
Watch me do me
(Me, me)
Watch me, watch me
I don't need no music when I wanna sing a song
I don't need what's popular to know what's right or
wrong
I'm busy burning a track, not holding anything back
(I'm just being me, watch me do me)
Light up the floor, play me one more
Let me hear that
Click clack on the hi-hat or the base vibrate
Feel the room rock
Light up the floor, just like before
Let me hear that bass drop
And the boombox make your heart stop
Feel the room rock
I'm doing all I wanna do
And I won't stop until I can't move
I'm just being me, watch me do me
(Me, me)
Watch me do me
(Me, me)
Watch me, watch me
I'm ready, I'm, I'm ready to go
Let, let it
Let, let, let it explode
I'm ready, I'm, I'm ready to go, to go, to go
Light up the floor, play me one more
Let me hear that
Click clack on the hi-hat or the base vibrate
Feel the room rock
Light up the floor, just like before
Let me hear that bass drop
And the boombox make your heart stop
(Stop)
I'm doing all I wanna do
And I won't stop until I can't move
I'm just being me, watch me do me
(Me, me)
Watch me do me
(Me, me)
Paper chains always break
That's the kind of love you always seemed to me
Promises I thought would last
Fade away like words you wrote on frosted glass
You had me holding on to
Paper chains
So easy to make, so easy to break
You just strung 'em together
Knowing that they never take the way
But you kept me around
A long way to the ground
When you're hanging by
Paper chains
Come unglued
And pull apart just like the faith I had in you
What makes a heart disposable
When did I become a door so closeable?
There's no way to fix these
Paper chains
So easy to make, so easy to break
You just strung 'em together
Knowing that they never take the way
But you kept me around
A long way to the ground
When you're hanging by
Paper chains
Oh, so why can't I let go
Of something that's already broke
Well, it should be easy to break free
'Cause after all they're only
Paper chains
So easy to make, so easy to break
You just strung 'em together
Knowing that they never take the way
But you kept me around
A long way to the ground
When you're hanging by
Paper chains
Paper chains
He smelled like gin with a hint of her
Up 'till then I wasn't sure
But he swaggered by and said "the boys said to tell you
'hey'"
And I was kicked back in his easy chair
Holding a fifth, tappin' the barrel of a
Fresh clean steel blue polished up .38
And I was kinda hopin' he'd at least look scared
But all he said was "OK, she was good, and you don't
dare"
Lookin' back now, I probably should've let him run
But paybacks are hell where I come from
Any fool should know you don't look a woman in the eye
and smile
When she knows what you've done
And she's holdin' whiskey and a gun
The sun shines grey in the prison yard
Life to go was goin' hard
When the warden started gettin' sweet on me
He drug me up to a room one night
Poured me some 'ski, gave me a light
And I smoked slow and waited 'till he was done
And I thought that was that
'Till he got rough and I fought back
And when I grabbed his pistol he laughed and said
"Girl, you ain't got the guts"
Lookin' back now, I probably should've let him run
But paybacks are hell where I come from
Any fool should know you don't look a woman in the eye
and smile
When she knows what you've done
And she's holdin' whiskey and a gun
They're strappin' me down and I'm scared to die
And I ain't the kinda girl to cry
But I find myself begging God for mercy
My hands are cold as I start to slip
Sodium thiopental drips
The room goes black and I wonder if He heard me
Lookin' back now, I probably should've let him run
I bet paybacks are hell there where I'm goin'
But any fool should know you don't look a woman in the
eye and smile
When she knows what you've done
You know I look good in stripes
Take my picture with my number
But the jailhouse ain't my type
I can't stand it any longer
Ooh, baby, I've got to breakout
Ooh, baby, I've got to breakout
Jailbreak, sweet escape
Let's crush the walls down
Jailbreak, sweet escape
Get off the ground
Chains can't hold me
Two, three, four, I'll be out the door
Breakout, got to breakout
Breakout, got to breakout
Tip toe slowly
When all lights out gonna hit the floor
Breakout, got to breakout
Breakout, got to breakout
Ooh, can't catch me 'cause I'm cool
Ooh, can't catch me 'cause I'm cool, breakout
It's too dark to see
You know that this could mean disaster
Got the spotlight chasing me
But my feet are moving faster
Ooh, baby, I've got to breakout
Ooh, baby, I've got to breakout
Jailbreak, sweet escape
Let's crush the walls down
Jailbreak, sweet escape
Get off the ground
Chains can't hold me
Two, three, four, I'll be out the door
Breakout, got to breakout
Breakout, got to breakout
Tip toe slowly
When all lights out gonna hit the floor
Breakout, got to breakout
Breakout, got to breakout
Ooh, can't catch me 'cause I'm cool
Ooh, can't catch me 'cause I'm cool, breakout
Break, break, break, breakout
Get off the ground, freeze
Chains can't hold me
Two, three, four, I'll be out the door
Breakout, got to breakout
Breakout, got to breakout
Tip toe slowly
When all lights out gonna hit the floor
Breakout, got to breakout
Breakout, got to breakout
Ooh, can't catch me 'cause I'm cool
It keeps rainin' down the tear stained face of this
lonely town
And I drown
And I keep reachin' for one good reason why you said
goodbye
Turn around
Oh, you're leaving me in this empty state
And all I see are dark clouds as you drive away
Mississippi's cryin', baby, Mississippi's sad
I think we just figured out you ain't coming back
The sky can see you leavin' and it can't hold back the
tears
It's pouring down and my heart thinks it's dying
Mississippi's cryin'
Now he keeps looking for headlights shining in this
driveway
But they don't shine
And I keep hopin' this crazy storm will drive you home
But not this time
Oh, my only wish is to change the weather
Are you coming back? Or is it gonna rain forever?
Mississippi's cryin', baby, Mississippi's sad
I think we just figured out you ain't coming back
The sky can see you leavin' and it can't hold back the
tears
It's pouring down and my heart thinks it's dying
Mississippi's cryin', Mississippi's cryin'
Where you going, baby?
What's in Tennessee?
You never said a word about Memphis
So who is she?
It keeps raining down the tear stained face of this
lonely town
And I drown
Mississippi's cryin', baby, Mississippi's sad
I think we just figured out you ain't coming back
The sky can see you leavin' and it can't hold back the
tears
It's pouring down and my heart thinks it's dying
Pink blossoms on the Mimosa trees
Cicadas dancing soft and sweet
Sweat on his neck in the summer heat
Kissin' the preacher's daughter
Headlights flashing in their eyes
The shadow of a face they recognized
A single shot split the night
Footsteps in muddy water
And the sun came up like the day before
And her sheets hadn't been turned down
And the boy turned up downstream on the rocks
Two miles outside of town
She was leavin' church in a white sundress
Last time anybody saw her
Oh, what's become of the preacher's daughter
One-eyed woman with her tarot cards
Said she ain't comin' back but she ain't gone far
The devil's a liar and he drives a car
Somewhere in Catahoula County
Then the sun came up like the day before
And her sheets hadn't been turned down
And the search dogs barked on the day they laid
Her first love in the ground
The preacher's knees buckled in the heat
So the deacon took over
And said "let us pray for the preacher's daughter"
Blue lights flashin' on the riverbank
They held their breath as they dragged the chains
Hearts all sank when her beautiful face
Came up out of the water
Through her tangled hair they could see
She was missing one earring
Found the other in the back seat of the car
Of the deacon that couldn't have her
And the sun came up like the day before
And her sheets hadn't been turned down
When they slapped the cuffs on the deacon's wrists
You could hear it all over town
And the headlines read "Justice At Last
Up From The Muddy Water...
You don't know any girls like me
I will show you crazy, wait and see
'Cause I wear stilettos with my jeans, chase whiskey with whiskey
Tonight I'm gonna get what I need and you can't stop me
I'm innocent outside, but I'm about to blow your mind
I'm a little good, a little bad, the best and worst you've ever had
I'll lift you up, and knock you down, and have you begging from the ground
You can see my halo or my horns, so be warned
I'm a little good, a little bad, but mostly bad
I can be a saint if you want me to
But I will make a sinner out of you
'Cause I'm not about to wear that dress if it's not cut to impress
Tonight I'm gonna aim for the fence and you can't stop me
I'm innocent outside, but I'm about to blow your mind
I'm a little good, a little bad, the best and worst you've ever had
I'll lift you up, and knock you down, I'll have you begging from the ground
You can see my halo or my horns, so be warned
I'm a little good, a little bad
Tonight I'll be your angel, and you... you'll be my man
These wings will take us to heaven
But for now... I'll put you through hell
I'm mostly bad
I'm mostly bad
I'm a little good, I'm a little bad, the best and worst you've ever had
I'll lift you up, and knock you down, and have you begging from the ground
You can see my halo or my horns, so be warned
I'm a little good, a little bad, but mostly bad
I was down at the bar doing my best Electric Slide
Then he gave me a smile while doing the Grapevine
(That's how it started)
Gave him my number and waited a week for the call
When he finally did I told that boy straight-up
(Aren't we tired of playing these games?)
All I wanna do is skip all the rules and the hoops
And fall madly in love with you
Step up to the plate so I can see the truth
And fall madly in love with you
Got my girls in my ride and we're breakin' 65
When a truck full of boys tries to pass us on the right
(We've all been here before)
They start to whistle, hollerin' out cat-calls
Come on, get a clue, have you learned nothing at all?
You must understand
All I wanna do is skip all the rules and the hoops
And fall madly in love with you
Step up to the plate so I can see the truth
And fall madly in love with you
All I wanna do is skip all the rules and the hoops
And fall madly in love with you
Step up to the plate so I can see the truth
And fall madly in love with you
All I wanna do is skip all the rules and the hoops
And fall madly in love with you
Step up to the plate so I can see the truth
Woke up late today, I knew
There's be hell to pay, I
Threw something on and hit the door
Looks like all work, no play
Same thing everyday
Sometimes I wonder who I'm working for
And then I think
Goodbye Monday
Weekend's coming fast
Oh oh
Glad we made it
Time to raise your glass
So clap your hands with me
If you got a drink then stomp your feet
Cause now we're gonna burn this mother down, yeah
Too many days since I been home
Had to leave my baby all alone
Can someone tell me where I am today?
Bus broke down on a county road
Am I ever gonna get to the show?
Sometimes I wonder how much I can take
Goodbye Monday
Weekend's coming fast
Oh oh
Glad we made it
Time to raise your glass
So clap your hands with me
If you got a drink then stomp your feet
Cause now we're gonna burn this mother down
So clap your hands with me
If you got a drink then stomp your feet
Cause now we're gonna burn this mother down, yeah yeah
Gonna burn this down
Burn it down
Yeah yeah
Gonna burn it down
Small town, southern California
Pretty people but I gotta warn ya
They're country as it gets
Divorce - everybody's cheatin'
Rehab - everybody's drinkin'
Welcome to the Wild Wild West
They call it Hollywood
It's not far from Dollywood
Just small towns with a different name
Dysfunctions, dysfunction
No matter what state you come from
It might as well be one and the same
If we said our lives through music
From here and now on
And everybody sang along
We'd sing a country song, oh, a country song
We'd be singing a country song
Tiny dogs and little bitty purses
Cosmos - everybody nurses
They get as trashed as we do, oh oh
Four kids, different baby daddy
Just hum, caught him with a fatty
That goes down in our town too
They call it Hollywood
It's not far from Dollywood
Just small towns with a different name
Dysfunctions, dysfunction
No matter what state you come from
It might as well be one and the same
If we said our lives through music
From here and now on
And everybody sang along
We'd sing a country song, oh, a country song
We'd be singing a country song
Yeah, it's backwoods all the way to Hollywood
It's one big reality show
Oh yeah, it's back to the W-O-O-D-S
All the same, no matter how you dress
What you drive or who you know
We're all stars in this Springer show
There's silicone and breastaline
Blowing up and getting thin
That's what you get when you set foot in
It's not far from Dollywood
Just small towns with a different name
Dysfunctions, dysfunction
No matter what state you come from
It might as well be one and the same
If we said our lives through music
From here and now on
And everybody sang along
We'd sing a country song, oh, a country song
We'd be singing a country song
It's backwoods all the way to Hollywood
It's one big reality show
Oh yeah, it's back to the W-O-O-D-S
We're all the same, no matter how you dress
We'd sing a country song, oh, a country song
It don't make much sense
You and me, we got everything
But you can't wrap your head around
Gettin' gone from where you've been
Well, it ain't that hard
To see the hole that I'm standin' in
So stop lookin' at you, and start lookin' at me
You'll see what a wreck I've been
So jump in my world
Come take a look through these tears
And just get a glimpse of the heartache
I feel in here
Do some time in this bittersweet hell
That I'm walkin' through
Put yourself in my blues
Put yourself in my blues
See I get to hate you
And I get to unravel now
You know I start breakin' things
Every time I start breakin' down
Oh, so don't try to kiss me
Cause you know that always works
And baby I swear if we're gonna go there
Well you're gonna taste the hurt
So jump in my world
And come take a look through these tears
And just get a glimpse of the heartache
That I feel in here
Do some time in this bittersweet hell
That I'm walkin' through
Put yourself in my blues
Oh, put yourself in my blues
Don't you miss being here
Don't you miss being us
No one else gonna love you this much
So jump in my world
And come take a look through these tears
And just get a glimpse of the heartache
That I feel in here, yeah yeah
Do some time in this bittersweet hell
That I'm walkin' through
Put yourself in my blues
Put yourself in my blues
Looking back now, I probably should've let him run
He smelled like gin with a hint of her
Up 'til then I wasn't sure
But he swaggered by and said "The boys said to tell you hey"
And I was kicked back in his easy chair
Holding a fifth tapping the barrel
Of a fresh cleaned steel blue polished up .38
And I was kind of hoping he'd at least look scared
But all he said was "Okay, she was good and you don't dare"
Looking back now I probably should've let him run
Paybacks are hell where I come from
And any fool should now
You don't look a woman in the eye and smile
When she knows what you've done
And she's holding whiskey and a gun
Well the sun shines gray in the prison yard
Life to go was going hard
When the warden started getting sweet on me
And he dragged me to his room one night
And poured me some 'skey gave me a light
And I smoked slow and waited 'til he was done
And I thought that was that 'til he got rough and I fought back
And when I grabbed his pistol he laughed and said
"Girl you ain't got the guts"
Looking back now I probably should've let him run
Paybacks are hell where I come from
And any fool should now
You don't look a woman in the eye and smile
When she knows what you've done
And she's holding whiskey and a gun
Whiskey and a gun
They're strapping me down and I'm scared to die
Now I ain't the kind of girl to cry
But I find myself begging God for mercy
My hands are cold as I start to slip
Sodium theopentol drips
The room goes black and I wonder if He heard me
Looking back now I probably should've let 'em run
I bet paybacks are hell there where I'm goin'
But any fool should know
You don't look a woman in the eye and smile
When she knows what you've done
And she's holdin' whiskey and a gun
Whiskey and a gun
Whiskey and a gun
I'm puttin' on pearls, I'm puttin' on pumps, got a little lace apron on me
Gonna make you stop, gonna make you wanna watch me do the laundry
Gonna put some fun back in this ho-hum honey
Gonna be so hot you'll think it oughta cost you money
You ain't gonna wanna leave home, 'cause I got it goin' on
I will be most anything you want
I'll be your laughter, I'll be your drama, I'll be your best friend, I'll
Be your lover
You can be my baby any time you wanna
But I ain't your mama
No, I ain't your mama
I won't make your rules, I won't wipe your nose, I ain't gonna check up on
Stay out all night long as that sunlight don't end up tellin' on ya
I won't be your boss, I won't be the bad cop baby
But I'll be the one you just wanna love like crazy
'Cause I'll do all those things that make you wanna sing
I'll say your name, make you wanna do the same
I'll be your laughter, I'll be your drama, I'll be your best friend, I'll
Be your lover
You can be my baby any time you wanna
But I ain't your mama
No, I ain't your mama
Oh, come on honey
You ain't gonna wanna leave home, 'cause I got it goin' on
I will be most anything you want
I'll be your laughter, I'll be your drama, I'll be your best friend, I'll
Be your lover
You can be my baby any time you wanna
But I ain't your mama
No, I ain't your mama
I'll be your best friend, I'll be your lover
You can be my baby any time you wanna
But I ain't your mama