January 15, 2020 Mindset: Calm, tired and emotionally drained. Setting: Alone in a familiar comfortable environment. I took approximately 2g of Syrian Rue seeds at 9:30 p.m.. I had eaten dinner 4 hours prior and I’m fairly sure that my stomach hadn’t quite emptied out while taking this dose, so I’ll likely have to repeat this experience some time in the distant future. From all the research I had done on Syrian Rue, I was worried about the seeds being unbearably bitter, but to me they mostly just tasted like dirt with maybe a hint of bad coffee flavor mixed in. They of course didn’t taste great, but they were not all that difficult for me to get down. I knew they would take at least 40 minutes to kick in if not longer, so I put on some My Little Pony to force myself to be calm during the come up just in case anything scary happened. After feeling no discernable effects after an hour other than a slight body warming sensation that could’ve easily just been placebo, I ended up taking approximately 2 more grams of Syrian Rue at 10:30 p.m. I kept watching My Little Pony until close to midnight, and was getting frustrated by the lack of effects. I didn’t even have any nausea, which is something I was certain that I would be guaranteed to experience at least based on my previous research. I decided to watch Yes Man on Netflix and stay patient, knowing that my stomach not being fully empty likely meant that it would take longer than normal to kick in if it ever did. I knew that Syrian Rue didn’t normally have many psychological effects and that most of the effects would deal with a change in bodily sensation, so I started paying more attention to how my body felt and how I felt physically. I’m a bit predisposed to suggestibility, even when sober, so the first thing I ended up noticing was a bit hard to explain and I’ll have to give a little context to the phenomenon as it relates to my experience. I’ve spent ages in front of screens ever since I was a kid, and due to the sheer amount of time spent with them I tend to get strange barely explainable spikes in novelty occasionally while consuming media. These novelty spikes are higher, more synchronistic and intense on substances. One of these novelty spikes happened at just about midnight while watching Yes Man. If you’re confused about what I’m talking about, what happens during these novelty spikes is that my peripheral vision gets fuzzy and my focus randomly enhances on a particular stimulus without me really wanting it to, it’s similar to being hypnotized, but it feels more like it’s own state of consciousness that’s in between being hypnotized and awake. From a scientific perspective, these novelty spikes could very well just be some kind of epileptic phenomenon or some weird absence seizure, but I prefer to have an air of mystery to them. I wasn’t feeling any other effects at that time besides the weird novelty spike, and I feel like if it was related to the Syrian Rue it might’ve just been an aura signalling to me that the real effects were going to kick in shortly after. At 12:30 as I was close to turning off Yes Man in the middle of the jumper scene, I noticed a sensation of body load. Other than the easier to explain heaviness, I also experienced a relief of body tension and relaxation. I found myself having little desire to move or fidget in any way. I ended up laying there for about 10 minutes in a state of relaxation that was slightly similar to Kratom but without any noticeable Euphoria. I also noticed an increased sensitivity to background noise that simultaneously felt like I was just on the edge of getting tinnitus as well, but it was something that was barely noticeable. My familiarity with the environment also shifted slightly, and I had a subtle imaginary feeling that I was in a “shamanic tomb”. Everything around me in general had a sort of shamanic aura to it. Everything just had a very slight deeper meaning to it. This might have something to do with Syrian Rue commonly being used in Ayahuasca recipes, or from a metaphysical perspective it could be some sort of clue for a future event. As I finally managed to get up I felt slightly heavy and like gravity was stronger, but other than that there was no noticeable difference in how I felt while standing up and walking. As I used the restroom I ended up noticing my hands tracing ever so slightly with a slight time distortion effect as well. These effects were incredibly light and just on the edge of my perception, so it’s a chance they could’ve been placebo, but I’m interested in re-exploring this substance eventually to see if I can get these effects to be stronger at a higher dose. As I left the bathroom and returned to where I was, I decided to meditate to Ayahuasca music, which is something I had already done several times before. I spent 40 minutes meditating and I remember nothing significant from it. It was fairly late and I was likely half asleep during most of it anyway.

• published: 12 Sep 2020
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