Drew Curtis' FARK.com

Sat January 28, 2012

Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		Canadian orange juice banned in U.S. What's next, Mexican maple syrup? (money.cnn.com)	(23)
		A dying child, a rescued dog... Damn, it's dusty in here tonight (today.msnbc.msn.com)	(9)
		Toddler chews head off snake, gets cease and desist order from Sharon Osbourne (telegraph.co.uk)	(11)
		Subby is in the midst of his 5th distinct career change at age 36. Some have been more successful than others, but the journey overall has made for a pretty interesting life so far. Let's hear your career change stories (fark.com)	(99)
(Some Guy)		On May 19th, 1942 BBC engineers were recording nightingales singing in a garden when 197 Lancaster bombers flew overhead forming a compelling counterpoint to the birdsong (retronaut.co)	(70)
		Warm winter weather covers most of the lower 48. Al Gore quickly trying to blame oil companies for "Arctic Oscillation" (latimes.com)	(147)

Fri January 27, 2012

	Four-year-old girl with cancer has accident at school. Because you're reading this on Fark, you can safely assume that her teacher was a scumbag about it (thesun.co.uk)	(115)
	According to scientists, some women can store sperm for years. Your mom finds that a little hard to swallow (huffingtonpost.com)	(95)
	Even with those Nude-O-Scopes, the TSA is still not able to tell the difference between a gun and an insulin pump (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(76)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this Flying Spaghetti (eattv.com)	(21)
	Northern Kentucky Vegas Warm-Up Party - January 28 - Molly Malone's Irish Pub (fark.com)	(88)
	If you're ever stranded on a desert island, the one thing you should be sure to have is an abundant supply of breast milk (io9.com)	(52)
(Some Guy)	What's worse than a casino collapsing during construction? A bus crashing into a news van during the press conference about the casino collapsing. (With Interrupting Bus Video) (schnittshow.com)	(95)
	Three adorable bunnies abandoned because they only have two ears between them. And we all know the ears are the most delicious part (dailymail.co.uk)	(59)
	Convicted of stealing copper pipes from abandoned building, man offers plausible explanation: "I'm not saying it was ghosts, but...it was ghosts" (news.cincinnati.com)	(27)
(Some Guy)	When your little snowflake loses a toe in an escalator accident, do you C) sue the manufacturer of Crocs? (ocregister.com)	(115)
	Clear your desks, everybody. It's Friday, time for the Fark Weird News Quiz (fark.com)	(53)
	Why are so many animals in need of adoption? Because holier-than-thou animal rescue groups don't believe anybody is good enough to be a pet owner (slate.com)	(456)
	Since the Iraq War ended there has been little fanfare for the veterans returning home. St. Louis is about to fix all of that (hosted.ap.org)	(87)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this landing bird (strategypage.com)	(26)
(wcnc.com)	Uggs banned from school. It's a start (wcnc.com)	(186)
	Irish Anti-Defamation Federation supports the cancellation of the Hoboken St. Patrick's Day parade. In other news, there's an Irish Anti-Defamation Federation (nj.com)	(182)
	Will Egypt's Boobies-revolution parliament make a difference? (guardian.co.uk)	(55)
	10 most hated jobs, as compiled by someone who has never worked in a restaurant or school system (cnbc.com)	(234)
(Say Cheese)	Man steals security cameras, neglects to steal the recording equipment (turnto23.com)	(29)
	I have a question about my friend's "gf" (fark.com)	(765)
	I would say that "a sex game spiralled out of control" is quite an understatement when it involves one of the partners being cooked, and scattered around the apartment (thelocal.de)	(90)
	Girls with big boobs date football players, have more fun, and apparently deserve to live longer (myfoxdc.com)	(794)
	Mentally retarded man fired from a grocery store for "stealing" $0.20 has been offered his job back, though he's not sure he wants to work for the kind of dicks who would fire a retarded man over twenty cents (news.yahoo.com)	(192)
	American sniper with 255 kills asked if he feels remorse. "When I do go face God there is going to be lots of things I will have to account for, but killing any of those people is not one of them" (bbc.co.uk)	(537)
(Some Guy)	Man who lost rowboat off the Massachusetts coast surprised when Spain calls asking when he'll swing by to come pick it up (newyork.cbslocal.com)	(43)
	Best animal photobombs you'll see today (huffingtonpost.com)	(47)
	You shouldn't transport marijuana in your car. Especially if it's still growing in a pot (nwfdailynews.com)	(18)
(wptv.com)	"Your honor, I accidentally beat my wife with a hammer. Then I accidentally doused her with gasoline.... and then I accidentally tossed a lit candle at her" (wptv.com)	(52)
	We know that bacon is the delicious nectar of the gods, but beware of its evil cousin, ham, the silent killer (dailymail.co.uk)	(56)
	NC Death Row Inmate who mega-trolled his hometown newspaper saying, "Kill me if you can suckers" has been outed by his own sister. Guess he'll get an alt and try again (boston.com)	(45)
	NYC Tfers: If you've seen this kid recently, let the police know. LGT details. Dad is subby's co-worker (articles.dailypress.com)	(76)
(Some Guy)	Some folks won't pay $628 to remove a skunk, but then again some folk'll (uticaod.com)	(28)
(Some Guy with an Optigrab)	Bad news: today is the last day you can apply to be an astronaut. Good news: you can use the application as identification when cashing checks for 250 donuts (wptv.com)	(25)
	Why did the U.S. drop nuclear bombs on Spain? (boingboing.net)	(76)
	Other Somali pirates holding Americans hostage were just a mite rattled by Wednesday's rescue mission (news.yahoo.com)	(100)
	NBC considers pulling stunt from upcoming Fear Factor episode claiming it's in bad taste. Well duh, everybody knows donkey semen tastes like ass (tmz.com)	(155)
	Costa Concordia owner raises compensation offer to passengers from three used toothpicks to two marbles and a jar of navel lint (bbc.co.uk)	(30)
	Chysler 300C once leased by President Obama now on eBay. He drove it until 2007. That's when he started to run for president and coincidentally traded it in for a Ford Escape hybrid (wgal.com)	(80)
	Crazed doctors revive vampire baby. It's even immune to the Sun, which is there (thesun.co.uk)	(18)
(Some Guy)	AT&T CEO actually comes out to say AT&T customers, not AT&T execs, must pay for failed T-Mobile merger (9to5mac.com)	(73)
	"I've had sex with 1000 men, and I don't care if people judge me," says woman who apparently has sex with a lot of drunk men (mirror.co.uk)	(165)
	Obama proposes all states require students to stay in school until they are 18. Alabama immediately objects, fears overcrowding of 5th and 6th grades (washingtonpost.com)	(235)
	Despite what Americans say about wanting more civility from their politicians, they generally only reward rude behavior. My goodness, Americans liking rude behavior. That's just crazy talk (npr.org)	(42)
(Some Guy)	Russian officials want to outlaw political protests that use soft toys, plastic penguins, Lego men and South Park figures (couriermail.com.au)	(6)
	Ship-bridge collision leaves Kentucky driver with great story for his grandchildren (usatoday.com)	(27)
	Revealed at last: from Roald Dahl to Alfred Hitchcock, the stars who told Queen Elizabeth to piss off (mirror.co.uk)	(28)
	Europeans' too honest perceptions of other Europeans. Isn't this how WWI and WWII started? (guardian.co.uk)	(56)
	What if D-Day and the Moon Landing Had Failed? What Dwight Eisenhower and Richard Nixon planned to say if tragedy occurred (theatlantic.com)	(61)
	It's kind of tough to market yourself as a socialist champion of the people when your 14-year-old daughter is posting bling pictures online (foxnews.com)	(84)
	Accidental slide deployment delays Virgin Airline flight for several fun-filled hours. WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE (overheadbin.msnbc.msn.com)	(9)
	Joran Van Der Sloot's health deteriorating in new Peruvian prison, still doing better than Natalee Holloway and Stephany Flores (dailymail.co.uk)	(68)
	Iran says they are alone in this world and thus, must preemptively strike their enemies. Just kidding, it was Israel that said it (nytimes.com)	(92)
	It's Dumbolicious : A new taste for eating elephant meat, everything from trunks to sex organs has emerged in Thailand (news.yahoo.com)	(32)
	Researchers analyzed DNA remains of 12 thoroughbred stallions born between 1764 and 1930, 330 elite performing modern Thoroughbreds, 40 donkeys and two zebras. And of course Henry the Horse danced the waltz (myfoxdc.com)	(26)
(daily breeze)	California students get an F in grade tampering (dailybreeze.com)	(26)
	If you lost your cat about 200 years ago, good news, someone just found it (dailymail.co.uk)	(29)
	Major southern university launches statewide obesity initiative to great fanfare, until residents realized they were against it. They can have my porkrinds when they peel them out of my greasy, chubby obese fingers (wrcbtv.com)	(35)
	The Dumbest Super Bowl commercials ever. Wait, this article implies that there have been Super Bowl commercials that weren't dumb (bleacherreport.com)	(59)
	If Iran didn't already know how to cause serious problems for the US in a future Persian Gulf conflict, they sure as hell do now (msnbc.msn.com)	(128)
	"Bus sized asteroid to give Earth a close shave." It looks younger with the beard (msnbc.msn.com)	(29)
(miami new times)	If you're publishing a high school newspaper article about the dangers of STD's, it's probably best to use a commercial stock photo rather than a picture of a former student (blogs.miaminewtimes.com)	(26)
	Twitter believes in limitless free expression and stands by those who risk their lives to fight oppression, and it wants you to remember that while it deletes any of their Tweets that might offend thin-skinned regimes, dictators, or despots (cnn.com)	(27)
	"It was more of a political statement ... It's not like they were going to go out and shoot the president," said the cop photographed alongside several teenagers with guns posing next to a bullet-ridden Barack Obama T-shirt (myfoxdc.com)	(128)
	Drew Carey splits with fiancee after a five year engagement. sad trombone music (people.com)	(73)
	Proof that if you're going to get trapped in a well, it helps to be an 18 month-old baby girl rather than a 53 year-old black guy (myfoxdc.com)	(25)
(Some Guy)	High heels destroy a woman's feet and warp the way she walks. Wow, and here I thought walking on your toes while balancing on a five-inch-high spike was good for you (todayhealth.today.msnbc.msn.com)	(137)
(Some Eye)	Photoshop this eye of cat (img.fotocommunity.com)	(39)
	Woman orgasms during MRI... here are the nuclear launch validation codes, and the coordinates for multiple targets, have at it (thechart.blogs.cnn.com)	(75)
	Rare color photos show Hitler's hidden life of luxury in Berlin and Bavaria. Wait until Hitler hears about this (mirror.co.uk)	(51)
	Swedish company inadvertently invents ATM for cats (thelocal.se)	(24)
	No, you can't dig for buried treasure in the chancel of the church. Not even if it's your church, padre (news.com.au)	(10)
	Don't want to shock you here, but it appears that the new "free" Libya might slightly resemble old "torture" Libya (breitbart.com)	(39)
	Another politician learns the valuable lesson on the difference between the "reply" button and the "reply to all" button (wral.com)	(183)
	PSA: If you stamp your cocaine shipments with the symbol of the UN in an attempt to get them past customs without inspection, there's a good chance they may get delivered to UN headquarters (bbc.co.uk)	(19)
	Woman finds $1 million winning lottery ticket in the trash. Naturally, 2 people are suing her (abcnews.go.com)	(99)
	Minor altercation escalates when first knife, then gun pulled out. 'Minor' because it was in a 7th-grade class (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(21)
	Haiti = Fail: 520,000 people remain in squalid camps, many more returned to wrecked homes rather than endure the camps' inhuman conditions, blamed for driving up violence, rape and pedophilia (dailymail.co.uk)	(114)
	Next up on Storage Wars.... granny (www2.tbo.com)	(43)
	How tough is the real estate market in LA? Well, agents are now using unmanned aerial drones (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(59)
	Of course it's noisy, you bought a home beside a rail yard (cbc.ca)	(106)
	Alcatraz fighting tourists trying to break into historic prison in search of fictional room seen in TV show. Bat cave isn't real, morons (dailymail.co.uk)	(124)

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