Van Eck killed it last year with the “Helicopter Drop” Bernanke necktie, and this year, they’ve done it again.
Reader Bart L. shared these photos with me of this holiday season’s must-have neckwear: from the Vineyard Vines custom collection, this year’s tie is a tribute to the euro crisis, in the form of kicking the can down the road.
Two of Research In Motion’s execs found themselves in a dilly of a pickle recently – but not because the dog ate their BlackBerry. No, because they got a little too drunk on a flight to Beijing. You might infer they were a bit rowdy. The two were eventually charged with ‘mischief’, ordered to paid restitution and were given their walking papers by $RIMM. Recently, CBC News was able to get details of the case – here’s the ‘mischief’ George Campbell and Paul Alexander Wilson actually got into:
The two boarded a flight from Toronto to Beijing already drunk, according to documents obtained by CBC News, and proceeded to badger attendants for more booze once onboard before falling asleep. After a brief snooze they carried on drinking, before starting a loud argument between themselves…Cabin crew eventually subdued them, using plastic restraints as handcuffs, and backing this up with adhesive tape. Nevertheless the two “chewed their way through their restraints,” and began to kick up a stink again.
There was also a bout of wrestling in there somewhere. If anyone has the video, get in touch with Joe Francis – we hear he’s working on a series called Execs Gone Wild.
Because figgy pudding just doesn’t taste the same when you have to eat it out of a can, on a street corner, while huddling around a garbage can full of burning newspapers for warmth, a moratorium on foreclosures has been announced until the end of the holidays:
Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac will not foreclose on any homeowners between December 19 and January 2, according to statements on their web sites. Private mortgage providers, such as JPMorgan Chase, Wells Fargo, and Bank of America, also said they plan to suspend their evictions during the holidays, according to CNNMoney.
They’re not pausing any of their legal proceedings – just the actual act of booting. Which we suppose will allow for at least a few homeowners to eke out a few additional plasma donations or hock a few additional possessions to keep the wolves at bay, though most are likely so far in arrears that the additional time won’t help very many people. (Currently, a record-high 4.29% of homes are with active mortgages are in foreclosure, or just over 1 in 25.) But, hey, at least when you go to Mom and Dad’s for Christmas you won’t have to show up on their front porch with a U-Haul. You can save that for the week after New Year’s.
If you click through the link, HuffPo has a slideshow of some of the more interesting foreclosure fails of the year, including Bank of America foreclosing on its own branch office, foreclosing on someone who made a payment too early, threatening to foreclose on a man over an unpaid bill for $0, etc. (Interestingly, most of the items in the slideshow are $BAC-related.)
There’s an adage in marketing that you should surprise and delight your customers. I think this one qualifies as a “surprise” but not so much as a “delight”. NetSpend, a company in Austin, TX, shipped out a prepaid debit card offer to one “Asswipe Williams” in Sacramento, CA. Problem is, the dude is actually named James.
A seven-year-old in the household opened the envelope and uncovered the offending card, local news was alerted, and winning the award for journalistic failure, it seems Fox40 actually found it necessary to ask this guy if he planned to use the “Asswipe Williams” credit card. Unsurprisingly, he responded in the negative.
As to what really happened, your guess is as good as mine. I’ve heard urban legends of a person who was actually named “Asswipe” (pronounced “as-wee-pay”), but more likely than not I’d guess this is a prank. We are pretty sure where the card will end up, though:
Williams has also tried calling the company. He’s weighing his legal options and wants an explanation for the error he calls unprofessional and offensive.
“We’re a Christian family, you know? Church every Sunday. And for that baby to see something like that coming through the mail is not cool,” said Williams.
Won’t these marketing databases think of the children?
From the “Pureeing While Rome Burns” department, we have one of those stories that looks like it came from Idiocracy, The Onion or at the very least one of those “where do you bury the survivors” trick questions – how much pureed fruit, likely infused with high-fructose corn syrup, does one have to put atop a piece of bread in order for it to constitute a vegetable? The answer is two tablespoons:
But let’s leave aside the horticultural definition and talk about how Congress failed the quiz. It chose 2 tablespoons, blocking sorely needed nutritional upgrades to the $11 billion federal school lunch programs. It did so because members’ brains (and quite possibly their bellies) are controlled by lobbyists.
Two tablespoons is about the amount of paste commonly found on the cardboard slices that pose as pizza in far too many school cafeterias. That amount will continue to qualify as a vegetable serving. Did I mention the frozen food lobby?
Now, on the upside, pizza day was my favorite as a kid. It was the only time I would ask my mom for lunch money in lieu of a packed lunch. So this is a probably a win for Junior’s taste buds, as much as it is for the frozen food industry. It also likely keeps costs down, given the percentage of students who receive subsidized lunch.
But I’d feel a little better if they’d come out and admit it. “We’re broke, so kids are going to get processed food and like it” is so much more honest than this kind of maneuvering, which absolutely smacks of giving us a little panem et circenses to blither about instead of actual issues. No one’s bleeding, it’s just a little tomato paste. Pay no attention to the fail behind the curtain.
(h/t Glossolalia Black for the image)
