Leading American source for legal humor Orly Taitz HAS HIT THE JACKPOT, AT LAST with a majorly awesome minor procedural win in a Georgia court, because a judge denied the Obama Administration’s request to dismiss whatever greasy piece of paper full of crayon streaks she filed lately on the grounds that Georgia election law allows any random-ass yahoo to “challenge the qualifications of a candidate” on any ballot. It is the equivalent of celebrating your acceptance letter to the University of Phoenix, BUT OH GAWD WE ARE SPOILING THE FUN ALREADY. Okay, okay. Let’s try to be calm about this and let our birther drag queen give her acceptance speech, right after the jump! READ MORE »
Mitt Romney’s tax plan would purportedly add $600 billion to the federal budget deficit in 2015, according to a new study by the nonpartisan Tax Policy Center released Thursday. It’s all part of Mitt’s plan to drive America into debt, then sell it to China for a profit. The amount is slightly less than half of the $1.3 trillion that the Center calculates Gingrich’s plan would add, but it’s just not that revolutionary, for a guy (of many guys) who’s promising to change Washington irrevocably forever. Romney’s plan would, not surprisingly, most benefit the types of jerks who make millions off bankrupting companies. But he’s certainly not alone there. READ MORE »
Newt “Skywalker” Gingrich has been declared the geekiest candidate of them all in a new six-page “study” conducted by Scientific American. The criteria? Obviously not intelligence, but rather knowing stuff about topics including guns, stars, the Internet and science fiction. SciAm finds that Gingrich vastly outdoes Romney (second place, bafflingly) and Paul (third) in these categories. All three candidates rank high largely because of “ties to Silicon Valley,” e.g. rich people with bold new visions of how to not have to hang out with other humans. READ MORE »
So remember when the Tennessee state Senate passed a bill last year making it illegal for teachers to so much as acknowledge the existence of gay people within earshot of their young students? To hillbilly homo-foobs this is known as “savin’ tha childrunz,” but in fancy legal terminology this is known as “censorship.” (And in plain English, “stupid.”) Sanity miraculously won out, and that bill ultimately did not become law. TACTICAL SHIFT NEEDED. How about, instead, a bill to fight censorship? Not to protect gay students or anything, SHEESH, no one picks on them in schools. No, the proposed law will protect the rights of the real victims, the students who want to call gays mean names for “religious” reasons. READ MORE »
The New Hampshire contingent of Paultards is stooping to core-of-the-earth lows today with a new ad featuring Napster-era audio quality, proof alone that the ad was definitely not made by Paul’s official moneybags campaign, but the freaks on the fringe of the fringe, who are still learning how to use a computer. In the ad, these cinematic visionaries show candidate Huntsman speaking in Mandarin and ask, “American values? Or Chinese?” and then insult Huntsman’s Indian- and Chinese-born adopted daughters. Oh boy. READ MORE »
South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley, (former) Tea Party fave, is trying her best to distract us from the sad and dull obviousness of her 2012 endorsement of Mitt Romney with a new Marie Claire interview just ahead of the release of her book, Can’t Is Not An Option (which really looked like Cain Is Not An Option for a second). READ MORE »
Now that he’s just eight paid Romney supporters away from being the most popular Republican presidential candidate in all the land, Rick Santorum is getting a “second look” from many who had mostly forgotten about the Pennsylvania oddball back when he lost his Senate seat by 17 points, to a Democrat, in Pennsylvania. But Rick Santorum has not quit being Rick in the half-dozen years since history tried to wash him away like a weird stain. And now that he’s theoretically closer to being the Republican nominee, it also means it is scientifically possible he could end up as president of the United States. Many gentleman and ladies will be wanting to know some of his sex tips! READ MORE »
As Iowa’s near-victor Rick Santorum swans around New Hampshire, giving ten-minute answers that probably don’t make much sense to America and insulting Reagan (THE GALL), the candidate is also getting the opportunity to be taken seriously by people whose job it is to incinerate political ambitions. The latest, but not exactly new, issue coming to light is that Santorum received a very appealing mortgage from a bank that donated to his congressional campaigns. The watchdog group Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington filed a complaint about that mortgage back in 2006. After aging for six years, it’s time to pop the cork on this thing! READ MORE »
Herman Cain has discovered what we will call “Sarah Palin’s theorem,” that just because you are not running for President does not mean you can’t act exactly like you’re running for President, in order to cash in. Herman Cain has a new non-campaign campaign website that is very wonderfully titled CainConnections.com, because he still hasn’t managed to wrangle a single human being to his team to act with a surrogate sense of self-awareness. And oh yes, there will be a non-campaign campaign bus tour as well, can you guess the theme? READ MORE »
NEW YORK—Ok, picture it: the President has brought an appointment before the Senate for approval. And it’s a curious appointment! Because it’s a nominee who actually fundamentally does not quite like the department he’s supposed to be heading. In fact, he doesn’t even think it should exist! Which is kind of odd, right? Since you’d think the President’s choice of who should head up any given department would at the very least be someone who’s actually, oh, idk, emotionally invested in the job? READ MORE »
Last seen being led by Orly Taitz in a violent insurrection to try to get Barack Obama’s name removed from the ballot, what are the Republican lawmakers of the state of New Hampshire, or as we will now call it, “the Arizona of the East Coast,” up to these days? Oh, you know, just drafting a fun bill requiring every subsequent bill that addresses “individual rights or liberties” to quote a relevant passage from the Magna Carta as its legal basis. Who’s the most Originalist of all NOW, biyotchez?? READ MORE »
Settled in to roost in New Hampshire for the next week, Republican candidate Newt Gingrich was faced with some pretty zany questions Wednesday afternoon during a town hall meeting with his potential suitors. Talking health care, asteroid travel, and marijuana, faraway-galaxy-dwelling Gingrich was, as Observer reporter Paul Harris noted, “brought down to earth” by the relative far-outness of some of the audience members. One attendee asked for the candidate’s thoughts on legal homegrown pot, to which Gingrich harked back to his knowledge base, HISTORY, and dropped some knowledge (actually misinformation! love that history!) on how Founding Fathers Thomas Jefferson and George Washington would have felt about marijuana. READ MORE »
