Women wrong, says cleverest person in world
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Race named as today's thing to talk shit about
RACE has been named as today's topic about which Britain will talk angry, ill-informed shit.![](http://web.archive.org./web/20120106072433im_/http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/images/stories/dragtatt90.jpg)
'Girl With The Apple Tattoo' sparks product placement row
A NEW thriller about a troubled Goth who covers her body in corporate logos has sparked debate about film sponsorship.![](http://web.archive.org./web/20120106072433im_/http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/images/stories/jbart1x.jpg)
Barton denies existence of FA
JOEY Barton has refused to serve his three-match ban after disproving the existence of the Football Association using Nietzschean perspectivism.![](http://web.archive.org./web/20120106072433im_/http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/images/stories/guin90.jpg)
Britain really fancies a pint
MOST of Britain could cheerfully go on a three-day session after just one day back at work, it has emerged.![](http://web.archive.org./web/20120106072433im_/http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/images/stories/yinyang90.jpg)
Mail becomes cause of and solution to racism
THE Daily Mail has today launched a five year plan to prevent exactly as much racism as it creates.![](http://web.archive.org./web/20120106072433im_/http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/images/stories/lingerie90.jpg)
La Senza pins hopes on Human Centipede range
STRUGGLING lingerie giant La Senza is to relaunch with the introduction of a new range inspired by the Human Centipede films.![](http://web.archive.org./web/20120106072433im_/http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/images/stories/cabbage90.jpg)
Healthy eating campaign makes Britons want to die younger
THE latest government healthy eating campaign has made UK citizens feel okay about dying soon.
- Britain desperately trying to download games onto Kindle
- Female MPs overlooked for promotion when they pose for GQ
- Murdoch tweets minutiae of world domination
- The net closes in on Prince Philip
- Corbett too short for a knighthood
- Hairy bikers admit cookery a front for drug and gun trafficking
- Scientists capture person who buys fantasy-themed ornaments
- 'Get out of my house, you monster' Britain tells mother
- Most betting shop regulars now multi-millionaires
- Conga crash claims 37
- Tube drivers in fresh bid to become more hated than footballers
- Happy birthday Jesus
- Starbucks trashed in pre-Christmas milf brawl
- Journalists' Wives single remains unbought