Well, I totally didn’t see this coming. Russell Brand and Katy Perry are calling it quits after a little more than one year together. Granted, in Hollywood years, that’s like the equivalent to at least 5. Says TMZ,

Russell Brand has filed for divorce from Katy Perry … TMZ has learned.

In the docs, filed in L.A., Brand cites “irreconcilable differences.” The two were married Oct. 23, 2010 in India. They have no kids.

The divorce docs say there are “community property assets” — it’s a sign there might not be a prenup, or if there is one it doesn’t cover all of the earnings and other assets they accumulated.

The docs do not give a date the couple separated.

Russell has released a statement, claiming, “Sadly, Katy and I are ending our marriage. I’ll always adore her and I know we’ll remain friends.”

Russell proposed to Katy in India on New Year’s Eve 2009 — nearly two years ago … to the day.

Sources had told TMZ the couple was having problems, evidenced by the fact that they spent Christmas apart and neither was wearing a wedding ring.

Although it’s not 100%, based on what we now know it appears Brand may have blindsided Perry by filing the divorce petition.

Russell appeared on “Ellen” just this month, slamming divorce rumors — claiming, “I’m really happily married … I’m married to Katy. Perpetually, until death do us part was the pledge. I’m still alive.”

So judging from what he said, Russell Brand is now a walker, and the zombie apocalypse is upon us. That’s okay, I’ve been stockpiling rations and guns in my mom’s basement for the past 5 years. I’m good to go.

Kate Moss looking a lot better than she has in a long time:

Khloe Kardashian isn’t allowed to dye her hair blonde like she wants to without express approval from E!, which is a shame, because I hear blonde is all the rage for Bigfoot this spring. (Popbytes)

Nicki Minaj’s ass looks like it got attacked by the Stay-Puft man. (The Dirty)

Kirsten Dunst is all giggly and smug about new rumored boyfriend Garret Hedlund. (Lainey Gossip)

This year’s scariest celebrities without makeup. This ain’t gonna be pretty. (Cityrag)

Olivia Wilde and Jason Sudeikis go public as a couple at a basketball game. (Anything Hollywood)

Elle MacPherson is going into “skinny old bird” territory. (Hollywood Tuna)

Jennifer Lee’s awesome golden booty. (The Grumpiest)

Paula Patton steams up January 2012 GQ. (Backseat Cuddler)

Kanye West Tweets ridiculous new DJ name and ridiculous new rider for New Years’ gigs. (Celebs.com)

Jason Statham and Rosie Huntington-Whitely get hot n’ heavy by the pool. (INF Daily)

Angelina Jolie still hates Madonna, and their bitch-fight will go down at the Globes. This may be the best incentive I’ve ever had to actually watch that crap. (Celebitchy)

Here’s Miley Cyrus in a bikini with boyfriend Liam Hemsworth in Hawaii, living proof that hillbillies can clean up okay, once you look past the over-sized teeth and vaguely retarded expressions. Or, you can just close your eyes and use your hands. That’s my preferred method, anyway.

What’s better than one post of Kate Beckinsale? Two posts of Kate Beckinsale within 24 hours of each other. You’re welcome. I like Grey Goose vodka and dark chocolate truffles if you’d like to send those along as thanks.

Rihanna and Chris Brown are possibly getting all schmooopy-woopy on Twitter, but they haven’t specifically named each other, so it’s not for sure. Ah, love from afar. It’s just like Romeo and Juliet, if Romeo had a penchant for cold-clocking Juliet in the face. OK! Magazine says,

…Rihanna and Chris Brown are raising a few eyebrows. After their tumultuous relationship and break-up seemed to finally make its way out of the headlines, it appears the former lovebirds are posting tweets about love.

Whether or not they’re directed toward each other remains cryptic since they’re not tweeting directly to each other, but they are both tweeting about love! Coincidence? Hmmm.

Chris started by posting, “Love U more than u know!”

Merely two minutes later as E! News reported, Rihanna responded with a tweet of her own: “I’ll always love you #1love.”

It would be shame if they don’t end up together. Those pictures of her with a shiner and a busted lip would look awesome in a slideshow of their best moments together or artfully displayed in a scrapbook for their coffee table.

In native Barbados:

Lindsay Lohan says she will try to score some dough pursue legal action against a party planning company that claimed she is planning–now prepare yourselves–on being in Dubai for the New Year. DUN DUN DUUUUUN! The nerve! What will people think? Says Digital Spy,

Lindsay Lohan has denied reports that she is seeing in the New Year in Dubai.

The actress insisted that she will not be holding a New Year’s Eve party on the Queen Elizabeth 2 cruise ship, contrary to a party planning company’s claims.

Lohan’s rep Steve Honig said in a statement: “Lindsay is not going to Dubai, nor had she ever considered doing so.

“She will be spending New Year’s Eve in Los Angeles with a few close friends and family.”

According to TMZ, the star will pursue legal action against the source of the rumors.

I once kicked a stranger in the groin because his tie reminded me of the upholstery on my Nana’s couch, which got stained because I peed on it, and she smacked my knuckles with a wooden spoon for it. That totally doesn’t make any sense, but neither does this threatened lawsuit. Just trying to stay with the theme.

Here’s some extremely Photoshopped pictures from next month’s Maxim Australia:

If you were wondering what would be the perfect accessory to go with stripper pirate boots and a tight, zippered mini-dress (besides the odor of urine and some weeping sores), you could always ask Bai Ling, who manages to keep the outfit from being full-on “hooker’s uniform” with a ladylike hat. Everyone knows that wearing a hat with feathers and netting gives you a certain air of decorum and respectability. After all, a hooker would never wear a hat like that. Everyone knows that hats have a tendency to fall off during blowjobs.

Michael Jordan is engaged to model girlfriend Yvette Prierto. Michael, you can do it all night long! (Bricks and Stones)

Katy Perry and Russell Brand have a deep and meaningful conversation about the state of their relationship. (Holy Moly!)

Michael Lohan is rushed to the hospital after collapsing in an AA meeting. ‘Cause, you know, everything has to be about him. (Evil Beet)

Kim Kardashian reveals her photoshop diet plan that keeps her at a size 2. Feel free to laugh. (Celebitchy)

Maria Menounos bikini pics from Miami! (Moe Jackson)

A Kardashian tell-all book is being shopped by their former nanny/cook/personal assistant. (Allie is Wired)

Maxim cover girl Krista Mills goes topless for a stop-animation video. (COED)

Kelly Clarkson endorses Ron Paul for president, pisses off fans. (Jezebel)

Hayden Panettiere got sexually assaulted by Lady Gaga. I hope they had trained trauma counselors on hand. (Celeb Jihad)

2011: The Year in Ahhhhhhhh! (Celebslam)

Wife of Kings of Leon’s Caleb Followil Lily Aldridge is pregnant. (Bitten and Bound)

Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-Levitt are adorkable together. (Seriously? OMG!)

Stephanie Seymour enjoys time in St. Barth’s frolicking around with her ridiculous bikini body. She’s 43! It’s ridiculous that she looks better at 43 than a lot of women do half her age. Ridiculous, I tell you! The only thing more ridiculous than me saying ridiculous a lot is that she’s even wearing a swimsuit. She’s in a French territory, for pete’s sake. The only thing that the French like better than being surrender monkeys is prancing around nude on their beaches. Stephanie has a leg up on them though. She 1. Shaves her armpits and 2. isn’t French. I call that a win-win situation. USA! USA!

They say black is slimming. You know what else is black but isn’t slimming? If you were going to say, “Jessica Simpson in a pregnancy catsuit’, well yes, that’s true, but it wasn’t what I had in mind. I was thinking more along the lines of black hole. You know, a sucking vortex that squashes all matter with the crushing weight of its gravitational pull? So yeah, Jessica Simpson. Carry on.

Photo source: Fame Pictures

So, we’re really late today in bringing you more posts. Can I make it up to you by posting pictures of Kate Beckinsale? I mean, what better way to say, “I’m sorry that I passed out for the entire afternoon and didn’t do any more posts” than by showing you pictures of the perfection that is Kate? I’m pretty sure that if we just all took some time to stop and meditate on these pictures, we could achieve World Peace in 2012. And that would just be from low-res pictures like these. Imagine if they weren’t sort of grainy, what we could accomplish? I’m pretty sure we’d discover clean power for all, an end to drought, and where all those missing socks in countless dryers around the world have gone. Behold, the power of Kate.

In a John Russo photoshoot:

Sorry about the lack of posts yesterday, boys and girls. Turns out Apalachicola isn’t the sort of wi-fi hotspot you’d expect. Now if it’s corn whiskey and pubic lice you’re after, it’s the only place you wanna be.

And speaking of places you wanna be, designer Marc Jacobs and his ex-fiancé Lorenzo Martone are soaking up the sun in beautiful St. Barth’s this week, where they clearly spent plenty of time waxing each other’s chests and gilding each other’s lillies and wearing tiny bathing suits on the beach. I don’t wanna put a giant wiener words in anyone’s mouth or anything, but I have a feeling that Lorenzo isn’t talking about the size of the fish he just caught in that picture up there. Which is why I’ll be relocating to St. Barth’s just as soon as I’m off probation.

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures