Television viewing in 2011 has been like a high school reunion. There are people you are ecstatic to see, others you wish would stay longer, and those you secretly want to leave. Let's say hello to TV shows and performers that thrilled, those who need to chill, and old friends we will miss.
Wow, my favorite head bangers are back - it's good to see you after all these years! You guys haven't changed a bit - don't you ever age? I see you are still into Metallica and AC/DC - cool - rap sucks.
A lot is different at the old place, but it's fun to hear those funny jabs at Snooki and The Situation. Can you believe they have their own TV show? No, me neither.
It looks like you are still looking to score. A word of advice: stay away from street dudes with Hep C and weird religious cults, and don't turn into vampires, no matter how trendy.
I'm sorry to see you go so soon. You were such interesting people with great potential. Delroy Lindo, you are amazing. Jason Clarke, nice job, but a bit inconsistent. Jennifer Beals, admirable attempt, and it's not you're fault you were out of your league. Shawn Ryan, don't be discouraged, you're really talented, and I hope you find a network that will appreciate you.
"X-Factor"
Simon, Simon, Simon. My favorite sexy Brit and megalomania. I've been in love with you for years. Heck, you've been in love with you for years. That's okay, because seeing you and Paula reunite was pretty exciting. But did you have to go and bring your annoying new friend Nicole with you? I think you are blinded by something other than her qualifications.
Finally, Simon, please don't soften up too much - a little brutal honesty is fine. After all, some people need a dose of reality. One more thing, if you could please pass along the constructive criticism to your friends at the old job, that would be wonderful.
"Boss"
Kelsey Grammer, all I can say is - what happened to you?! I knew you were a smart, funny guy, but when did you turn into a brilliant actor? I guess that theatrical, Shakespearean background paid off for you. Your program is stunning, and I hope to see you around for many years. Did you see who else is here? Bryan Cranston. You may want to say hello - you two have a lot in common.
Ladies, you look fabulous! Just as beautiful, witty, and sassy as ever. As for Betty, she never loses that edge, does she? You guys have it all - excellent chemistry, timing, and your writing is clever and fresh.
However, Melanie, my sweet pal, please don't turn into Victoria Chase. One vain princess in the group is enough. And that stunt you pulled trying to steal back your "magic dress" from a dead woman was beneath you. You're better than that, girlfriend!
Old, dear friends, I will miss you, and I'm sorry this had to happen. After all these years, we must separate because of that troublemaker, Brian. Sure, several of you are not the best actors in the world and your writing was weak at times, but I consider you family.
Tad, no need to dye your hair, you're fine as you are, and although it was sweet to see you back with Dixie, Cara is better for you. Jackson, you're too good to put up with that diva Erica, and I'm glad you left her. Dr. David, you can bring me back from the dead any day, baby!
